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Do you ever want to take some kids away from their parents? I know we’ve all have bad days and moments of frustration, especially while shopping, but I wonder how some people can be parents at all.
I apologise for the language in this article, but it is necessary. This is an accurate account of an incident that occurred while I was grocery shopping with my daughter this morning.
We were walking from the parking lot to the travelator when I heard a man say, “Fuck!” This got my attention because the shopping centre I go to is very family-friendly and as it was mid-morning it was mostly parents, children and some older people going about their day.
I looked up and saw a little boy aged about four running up the walkway. Two adults were walking behind him and I assumed they were his parents.
The little boy was running just ahead of them (as children do) and the man was striding purposefully behind him.
He then said, “Fuck! I’m so fucking sick of you fucking running off when we’re at the shops. I’ve fucking had enough.”
I had picked my daughter up at this stage and was trying to observe while avoiding eye-contact. They got on the travelator right behind me. His little boy had returned to them by this stage.
I then heard the dad say, “No, I’m not holding your fucking hand now. No fucking way. Not when you’ve been fucking running off again.”
The little boy walked up the travelator ahead of where my daughter and I were standing. He smiled at me and I smiled back at him. He didn’t seem abused or upset. He was obviously used to this sort of language.
I then heard the woman I assumed to be the mum say something quietly. These were the first words she’d spoken during the entire episode.
He responded, “That’s right. That’s twenty minutes now. That’ll teach you to fucking running off like that.”
I’ve never been closer to taking a child away from his parents before. I wanted to grab him in my arms and take him home. I just felt so sorry for him. I couldn’t believe the language over what was normal behaviour for a little boy and he wasn’t running very far ahead at all. My kids always run up that ramp and we laugh as they try and scare me when I come around the corner seconds after them.
I walked away. To be honest I was a little frightened. This man was belligerent. He was loud. He was very angry and he was very rude.
I might have a chip on my shoulder but I’m pretty sure anyone would find his behaviour offensive. I hoped it was just a bad day. I hoped he was a good dad most of the time. I clung to the fact the little boy had smiled at me and hadn’t seemed upset at all.
We were at the bread shop when I heard shouting.
“Fuck you, mind your own business you fucking prick.”
Me and everyone else in the shopping centre turned around. This belligerent dad was now at the butcher. It’s one of those butcher shops where the guys are really friendly and yell out greetings and specials to passing customers. They’d obviously taken offence to this man’s choice of language and were braver than I was to say something.
The man was very angry now and gesturing wildly. He was walking away shouting so I couldn’t hear exactly what he was saying but there was more swearing and the woman/mother had her head down and was leading her son away.
I felt sick. How could we all stand by and let this happen? I thought of saying something but I was too scared. I thought of calling the police but if they picked him up for anything, perhaps anti-social behaviour, wouldn’t he be angrier when he got home? Short of following them to their car and writing down their licence plate I couldn’t think of what else to do.
More importantly, was it any of my businesses at all?
I’ve come across frustrated mothers but I can usually offer a smile or a sympathetic look and try not to judge. I’ve had my moments of frustration too when I’ve snapped at my kids in public, usually after they’ve given me a huge fright by hiding or doing something dangerous. After one particular episode, an older woman said to me, “Don’t worry love, it will get better as they get older.” I looked at her and smiled and then burst out crying.
But I think this was a bit different and I felt outraged, scared and helpless at this dad’s crazy behaviour.
I once saw a mother hit her child across the face in the parking lot at bowling. I was with my brother-in-law and without a moment of hesitation he had a go at her. She walked away, telling him to mind his own business. I assumed the boy had almost gotten hit by a car or done something extremely terrible and while I choose not to hit my kids, I realised it may have been a rare occasion that I’d just witnessed. My brother-in-law, on the other hand, wasn’t having a bar of it. He yelled out, “Some people shouldn’t be allowed to have kids!”
Have you ever come across bad parenting and if you have, do you say or do anything? It’s a tough call. At the end of the day my priority is my safety and that of my children. I just can’t get this out of my head.
Should everyone be allowed to have kids? We could be tested or assessed. But then, how do you do that to people? Isn’t it our biological right to have children? It’s a free world after all and I doubt I would have been approved if I’d been assessed to have kids. I wasn’t quite sure I wanted to but figured I may as well because I so bored of my job. Now I’m the happiest mother of three possible, but how would they have known that?
Jo Abi is the author of the book How to Date a Dad: a dating guide released by Hachette Livre Australia. You can read more about her many and various exploits here and follow her on Twitter here.
Do you think everyone deserves to be a parent?
Comments
319 Comments so far
I know the man shouldn’t have been using that language, but if he didn’t care about the kid he would just let him run off and I know how frustrating it can be when kids run off all the time, not that I would ever use that language like that.
Slapping a child across the face is NEVER ok!
The problem is the children probably often inherit the parent lack of self restraint, not a toddler is expected to have self restraint, but in later years.
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is it ideal to swear at your children? No probaly not
But they are not doing anything illegal either..
In this case education is probably the key.
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I agree. But I’d go one further to say it’s also none of our business. Talking about how it affected you to witness it is one thing. But leave the judgement out of it. Who are we to say who “deserves” to be a parent? In fact, we already have a system in place that does make those decisions. So if you have good reason to suspect serious abuse then report it. Otherwise be happy in your own life and let other people get on with theirs.
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To be honest, everything the Dad said was no different to what I have heard so many mothers say to their children at the shops (with the exception of the f*ck words). Language is just language, and the child would hardly have realised that the F-word was any different to any other word. We grow up with the F-word everywhere and I hardly think it is going to do any more psychological damage than any other parent who also gets exasperated with their kids. Hardly a reason to take a child away from their parents. Hardly! My goodness.
If we took a child away from parents who used the F-word, DOCS would be mighty mighty busy.
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My husband works for DOCS and some of tr things that happen are so heartbreaking. It’s not PC and of course it will never happen, but when I hear the stories of drug addicted and abusive parents having their sixth child removed, and then I have friends who can’t conceive, it does cross my mind that it would be great to prevent some people from becoming parents.
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I can only imagine what he must see, it must be such a challenging job.
And I agree with you, when you have a friend who would be the best mum in the world but she cant have a baby it does break your heart when you hear dreadful stories about how some children live.
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I find it so interesting that so many people are commenting on these incidents where they have seen children being treated horribly by their parents. It is very easy to judge from afar and then walk away and, over time, erase the incident from your mind. Even if you continue thinking about it, this does nothing to help.
I agree with Danielle and Kaz below. Why not use that anger to help rather than judge? You may not be able to immediately assist a specific child you see at a shopping centre but there are fantastic organisations (such as Time for Kids in SA) that allow you to have a child come into your home and join your family for one weekend a month to have some time out from their everyday life.
It gives the child’s carers a break and provides a loving supportive environment for the child to visit. The organisation focuses on establishing long-term relationships between children and the family they are matched with. Perhaps most importantly, it shows the children that there is someone who loves and cares for them and it shows them that they too can have a positive and bright future. It exposes them to something outside of their everyday life and helps to break the cycle.
The children that are involved in the program aren’t necessarily mistreated or neglected (but some are). They may be kids who live with elderly grandparents and don’t have the same opportunities as other children their age.
Time for Kids is just in SA but I’m sure their are other similar organisations interstate.
So, if this article strikes a cord with you, why not use your anger to do something rather than judge from behind your computer screen.
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What a wonderful idea, I’ve never heard of this. If anyone knows of something like this in the Brisbane area in qld please let us know.
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I’m in Brisbane and I’d like to know too. We aren’t in a position to do full-time foster care but would love to do something like this.
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Try auntiesanduncles.com
I think that is the address, perhaps with au after it?
It’s a similar program, it’s one I’ve only heard of recently but it sounds great. Our school was sponsoring it at one point I think.
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Check this out- a fantastic organisation
http://www.thepyjamafoundation.com/
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Anyone know if an organization like this exists in Sydney?
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I know there are Big Brother / Big Sister programs with a similar concept. Try this link http://www.bigbrothersbigsisters.com.au/index.php?page=big-brothers-big-sisters-of-sydney
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I said “shut up” to my kids the other day in a moment of pure frustration. Then broke down and cried and apologized to them for being so rude and using a bad word, we all hugged and they were so forgiving. I have felt bad about it ever since, now I don’t feel so bad.
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Oh come on – it says so in your terms&conditions that this forum is like a dinner party. If I heard someone say that, I _would_ roll my eyes.
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And I would consider you disrespectful and wonder who invited you.
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Worst thing is – these parents of the kids were probably spoken to by their parents like that, and this kid will probably talk to his kids like that. How to break the cycle I wonder?
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See my comment above J – it may not be an immediate answer but it will certainly help.
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I have no doubt that what you saw today was horrible. And people should never, ever abuse their kids – either with words or physical violence. But I don’t think anyone has a right to get on their high horse and judge someone they don’t know so self-righteously. You know nothing about this family and their circumstance and what had led to such a scene this morning. There is NO excuse, don’t get me wrong, but no one has the right to throw around comments like – you don’t deserve to be a parent. In a perfect world, we’d all be perfect parents. But it’s not and you know nothing about what is going on in this man’s life. I agree it is horrible that his child (you assume it’s his child) has to bear the brunt of his problems. That is a very sad situation. I hope things get better, I really do. Maybe people like him need more support and education rather than judgements from other parents.
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Great comment. I was thinking, is this just another incarnation of the so-called mummy wars? “I’m a better parent than you because…”
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I think things like this in public should be reported because if thats how they behave with an audience, how on earth do they treat their children in the privacy of their own home, with sleep deprivation and possibly alcohol or drugs on board as well. Alarm bells should be ringing.
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I can see where you are coming from; sure it hurts to see children hurting But I don’t think taking an “us and them” approach is at all the answer. I do not like the simplistic, and somewhat elitist, thinking behind “Some people deserve to have children and others don’t”.
Instead of all the judgement, how about a focus on ways to support these “bad” parents and help them do better? Good parents are more often than not only “good” because they were fortunate enough to have a good example, they had love and can now give love. “Bad” parents no doubt had pretty shitty parents themselves and its a hell of a lot harder for them to suddenly be sweet and loving than it is for you. If you don’t know what this feels like, then all I can say is, lucky you.
Its never OK to hurt a child. Sometimes immediate intervention is definitely necessary. But in the long haul we need to support the parents, not add to their shame and “badness”. In supporting them we help their kids in the most lasting way.
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“I do not like the simplistic, and somewhat elitist, thinking behind “Some people deserve to have children and others don’t”.”
Spot on Kaz – I agree with your whole comment.
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No, not everyone does deserve to be a parent, you just have to read the newspapers to be sure of that. But how does society cope with policing who is allowed to become a parent and who isn’t?
The little boy was running just ahead of them (as children do) and the man was striding purposefully behind him.
hmmm I educated my small children to walk beside me at the shops and to not run ahead as the shops aren’t a playground.
The father’s behaviour and language (as portrayed in the post) was completely over the fence.
However I still don’t agree with the general tone of the post that it is perfectly normal and acceptable behavour of children to run away from their parents at the shop.
My kids always run up that ramp and we laugh as they try and scare me
What about other people who are also trying to use the ramp, old people who are trying to negiotate a moving travelator having to put up with your children running on it.
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I agree, I hate kids running around in shopping centres. I’ve seen a small child flattened by a shopping trolley because the poor lady pushing it didnt see the child run straight into her path. The woman felt terrible and the mum blamed the lady. It didnt occur to the mum it was her job to keep her child safely by her side, not running around freely like it was a playground! Its dangerous and a hazard to other people. I know its hard but I kept my kids locked up in their prams until I knew they would walk calmly and hold my hand. I had 4 under 4 at one stage and it was a handful but their safety and that of others should be the priority in public places.
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I have to agree. This disturbed me tok. I would think the parent was bad if you let a small child run unattended up a shopping centre ramp. I’ve seen children hit by trolleys, knock over elderly people.
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Was on a bus once in Canberra. Up the back sat two young women with a toddler each. As they were talking about their locked up husbands in jail, sex, and anything inappropriate (loudly, as if they dared someone to say something), their little girl tried to sit up on one of the seats. “Fucking hell Shaya, you little shit. Sit the fuck down and shut up or I’ll fucking smack ya one.” She then goes to talk to her friend again: “Shaya was fucking crying again this morning, she has a cold. What about me? Why doesnt she care when I’m fucking sick?”
Some people should not reproduce. Such is life. :/
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Heartbreaking.
As someone who struggled to concieve, I don’t understand why the world works this way, and how people who don’t want children and/or don’t look after them well can have them accidentally, whereas others who are prepared and willing to parent, can’t.
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was in a similar situation (but in Brisbane); two 17 year olds (yes I am sure of the age) and a 3.5 year old jumped on the bus; the child was in a pram because ‘mummy doesn’t want to hold your hand and the shopping. I need to hold the shopping’ before beginning to engage in a conversation involving swearing; alcohol; being hung over for school; etc. At one point the word ‘fuck’ was uttered twelve times in one sentence. The little kid starts begging for mums attention going ‘mum mum mum’. after five minutes of this the mum goes “What you little shit?” and the child goes “fuck up” to which the mother pulled him out of the pram and smacked him…
a minute after he stops crying he starts begging for the aunt’s attention. the aunt says a little bit more patiently ‘yes?’ before the child says something incomprehensible. The aunt turns to the mother and asks what he said. The mother replies “I’m not sure – I think he’s retarded. How much does this suck for me? I don’t want a retard. retards should all die’. – I have cerebral palsy myself and when she saw me limp off the bus her face went bright red…Her friend had the nerve to laugh at either me or her face.
^the bus driver later said to me that he id’d the woman for something else and gave her name to the police; also stating that she was banned from his bus until further notice
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I have also overheard these conversations on public transport – so often the parent blaming the child angrily (and often the child has been under three) of not caring or understanding the needs of the parent??? They are babies FFS!
They are not old enough to reason – so please stop arguing with them as though they are equals….its just so sad and unfair.
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What is the point of this article? Just think, there but by the Grace of God go I. You could be that child, or that parent. I just don’t think there is anything gained by this. What kind of mood do you think that guy went home in after his altercation with strangers? I get your angst, after having kids myself I find it get teary if I see a kid isn’t wearing a beni or socks in a pram when it’s mid winter!!. I just don’t see how our righteous indigation doing anything at all for this child. Unless he was a neighbour or relative and you could actually help the family out somehow to reduce the stress they’re obviously taking out on the kid.
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Totally agree, Em
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I think that if enough people talk about the issue of children’s rights it will become a high-profile issue and more will be done about it. I’ve read in the paper about how community service workers are struggling with their case loads and aren’t able to check up on all the kids they’re supposed to. If everyone starts talking about it then politicians will start listening and should start re-directing $ to community services. That’s what it comes down to doesn’t it, just like everything else $ are the answer. More social workers, more parenting programs, more programs for abused children, it all costs money. If we don’t start talking about it it’s never going to change.
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Or rather than expecting all of the assistance to come from the Government, you and everyone else reading this article could do something. It doesn’t need to be a Govt funded program – there are many charitable organisations that normal, everyday people can become involved with to assist children in need.
Just talking about it and hoping someone else will listen and do something is not enough.
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I didn’t say I think people should ‘just talk and hope someone else will listen and do something’. I said it is better to talk than not. Of course it’s better still to actively do something if you are in a position where you can.
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I worked at Target when I was in high school, and one day when I was sorting things in my department a woman walked past me, pushing a trolley with a baby in it, probably about 10 or so months old. The baby suddenly got very excited and started squealing MAAAAMAAAAAA!!! The woman smacked the child across the face so hard I was surprised his head was still attached.
He wasn’t screaming or being naughty, he just suddenly got excited about his Mum or something. I couldn’t help but stare and she saw me. “What the fuck are you looking at?” She yelled at me.
The manager was walking past at that moment and told the lady language like that wasn’t appropriate. I was still too shocked to move.
I don’t understand WHY some people have children. Yes my son has moments of being very difficult, and I get frustrated with him. But I take a deep breath, remember he’s only a toddler and try to be patient. I am, after all, the adult. But all that aside, I love my son dearly and knew there would be times when he would test me. That’s what kids do. If you don’t want a snotty, whingy, clingy, sometimes-overtired little person to look after, don’t have kids. Simple.
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I had a similar experience when I worked at Target during uni – about ten minutes before closing one Tuesday night we found an angry man wandering around the store screaming “Jayden, where are you, you little c***!?” Lost kids are pretty common, and I know how sick I’ve felt if I’m out and I lose sight of my son for half a second…. but this wasn’t fear, or desperation or even annoyance, it was rage.
We searched for 30 minutes for the little boy, none of us wanted to find him as the father’s tone was getting progressively more terrifying and threatening. The little guy was cowering inside one of those round clothing racks – he didn’t want to be found- and I could hardly blame him.
The manager made a report and offered up surveillance footage, but I always wonder what happened to that family, especially now as my son is about the same age.
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Yeah now that is disgusting. Just disgusting. Using the c word is beyond disgraceful, that poor kid.
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Wow. What a time for this post to pop up.
Only last night I was getting tea when I saw a mother screaming, swearing at and demeaning her daughter who was literally cowering in the front seat of the car, because she’d accidentally squashed some fish and chips.
She said to her daughter that she didn’t effing want her anymore and she could go to her father. When the girl started crying she said “WHy are you crying, are you embarrassed that you did something so stupid?” I piped up and said “I think she’s crying because you’re being so damn mean to her”. She said “They’re my kids, I’ll speak to them how I like”, and I said back “They may be your kids but they aren’t your property”.
I am still debating whether to report her to family and children’s services. The only thing potentially stopping me is that she obviously has very little self control or awareness and I don’t want to make life harder for the poor kid.
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Wow, Greta, good on you for standing up to a bully. After all isn’t that what these parents are? Bullies?
If you saw a husband talking to his wife like that, or a boss talking to your co worker wouldn’t you think it absolutely okay to ‘interfere’ and stand up to the bully?
Children cannot stand up for themselves. They need adults to look after them, to care for them and to protect them. If their parents are not protecting them, isn’t it the community’s, OUR, responsibility?
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Good on you Greta. We need more people like you.
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Can I introduce you to my mum? Last year on my birthday she told me she wished I’d never been born! But I know that these kids love their parents. As an adult, I still do. My friends tell me that if she was their mum, they’d never speak to her again. But that’s easier said than done. I love her. I don’t want to not have a relationship with her. I just want our relationship to be better.
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Thanks all
My heart was pounding, but it just seemed like she had gone too far … I really felt protective of that girl.
I *definitely* think it’s our responsibility to let people know that they can’t treat kids like that, but I certainly understand being too afraid or unsure of saying anything … that was me for many years.
Totally understand Anonymous … that makes it all the more heartbreaking for me xoxo
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When I was about 10 I remember being at a friends house and she got in to a stupid argument with her stepmum, I don’t even remember what it was about. I do remember though, her stepmum saying ‘shut up or I will send you to an orphage.’ Still makes me cringe.
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Report, report, report! Honestly, please report it! I am a teacher and the number of referrals I have to do is heart-breaking. I did 6 on the same kid in the space of 5 months. The more incidents they have on record the more likely it is that some kind of intervention will take place. CS wouldn’t remove a child over this (they didn’t remove the kid with bruises and welts that I kept reporting about) but they might be able to do something – like monitor the family…
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I know I have had moments out and about where our children haven’t done what I have asked, or are running ahead and I don’t hesitate in disciplining them. For a moment I was a little worried you might have seen me having a word with them as sometimes it’s not a quiet word. I am quite firm, I always explain why I am telling them what it is that I am telling them & I have certainly threatened a smack.
I have also spoken to people if I’ve seen they don’t have their children in seat belts in the car, no concerns or question I tell them if I can catch up to them & just explain how dangerous not to mention illegal it is.
Unfortunately just about anyone can have kids, usually those that deserve to have them and will treat them with the respect they deserve can’t & those that do the complete opposite as you’ve describe end up having a tribe…
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Yes, my mum always said it blew her mind you had to get a licence to drive a car but anyone can have a kid. There’s no solution to it.
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Who get’s to decide what is ‘good enough’ parenting and where do we draw the line?
It creates another divide in society the ‘good enough’ and ‘the not good enough’.
Vulnerable families need more services to support the growth of safe and secure families. Let’s not jump on our high horse and always blame the individual.
However, interestingly enough your main story is based on a man abusing his child. I would hazard a guess that the man also goes home and abuses the child’s mother.
Which brings us to another point, May is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and more needs to be done to address violence in our communities.
This is a whole of community responsibility and not just for the individual to change their behaviour.
What can we all do to address violence in society. Now that’s a conversation I like to see discussed openly and at length on Mamamia
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I think it’s quite easy to draw the line.
I’m sure there’s a legal standard which helps to determine what is actually abuse. There are social workers skilled at differentiating between firm parenting and discipline, and abuse.
We’re not judging whether parents are ‘good enough’, only whether they are actually harming their children. It’s the action that is being judged, not the person.
Nobody’s depending on you to pick the difference – but throwing up your hands and saying that you just can’t judge leaves thousands of poor kids at risk.
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It’s just common sense what is ‘good’ parenting and what is not? I have never understood people who question this? Is it so hard to distiguish between right and wrong?
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Yes, it’s hard to distinguish between good and bad parenting. Everyone has a different idea.
For example some think it’s unacceptable to smack and it’s outlawed in some countries. Here, it isn’t and it’s considered abusive above the shoulders and when marks are left, but below the waist is not considered abusive.
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Parenting can be extremely stressful and exhausting – there is no way you could ever legislate for parenting, but having more access to parenting programs and support would help a great deal.
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I think what is needed is better communities and more help for parents who are struggling. Not every parent has an extended family they can turn to for help or friends who can help.
Realistically there is no way to stop people becoming parents. What could be done is providing more support to families to prevent child abuse from happening or stop it as soon as it starts.
I think mandatory checks on every family would be a good idea (not just ‘at risk’ families but every family). At the moment there is a 4 year-old health check for kids whose parents receive income support. I think health and welfare checks should be compulsory for every child and every few months, not once at 4 years old. The system now where nothing happens until community services receive a few calls is not good enough. I know it would be hugely expensive and it’s never going to happen but I reckon it would work to reduce child abuse/neglect.
Also on a community level I think people should be more supportive of each other, go ahead and poke your nose into someone else’s business if you think it will help. Offer to babysit or something. Help rather than stand back and shake your head.
I also think abusive parents are given too many chances. If the kid is happy in foster care and the foster carers are happy to keep them then I think that should be the end of it. I really don’t understand some of the stories I hear about kids being taken from happy foster homes and returned to families where they won’t be properly cared for. This issue would definitely be a vote-changer for me, I don’t know why it’s not brought up more often.
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Wow. Tough question.
Re your shopping experience: So the Dad was being an arse. No doubt about it. Is it exceptable? No. But should he have his kids removed? Probably not on that example alone. More info is always needed.
I stuggle with the idea of ‘biological right to have children’.
It causes me great turmoil.
I have struggled with infertility, have succeeded to have children (not as many as I would like) and I have also worked and cared for SCAN children (suspected child abuse and neglect) and know of cases so horrific you can’t even begin to imagine them.
So without starting to rant about a topic so emotional to me I’ll just ponder the following:
Biological right? I guess you could say I don’t have a biological right, as due to having a fucked up reproductive system, I had inferitlity issues plus pregnancies that have greatly effected my health. Isn’t that nature taking away my biological right to have children? Frustration for me who can’t manage it yet sees many people do it who don’t want or fail terribly at the parenting part.
Moral right? Isn’t this more important? We may biologically be able to have children. And that may be a right but the responsibility tied to that is that we should nurture and care for our offspring. I think people often forget that with each right comes a responsibility.
So I guess I’m saying. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should have children.
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Thanks for posting this! I too am struggling with infertility, having spent over 4 years trying to conceive, 2 of those with medical intervention. We’re now going into our third attempt at IVF, and while I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to be parents, I do know that if we are so fortunate, we will love those kids with all our hearts, treat them with affection, respect and yes, discipline them, show them as much of the world as we can, and raise them to be polite, respectful, socially aware people. I think to do a good job of that, we have to aspire to be all those things and more, and lead them by our own example.
It hurts my heart to see parents treat their kids as possessions or problems. I believe everyone has a right to the life they want to live, as long as they’re not preventing another person from having access to their own rights, and that includes the rights of their children.
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I have on occasion overheard parents swearing at their young children while out shopping. Berating them and completely overreacting at perfectly normal behaviour.
It always shocks me and I often wonder what they are like in the privacy of their own home when no one is around to witness. I have 3 kids, I fully understand the frustration at times, but in these cases the parents are behaving far worse than the children.
It is so upsetting to think about how that treatment will affect the child. Even more so when I think of my friends who are going through the heartbreak of infertility, and who would give anything to be able to have a child to love and nurture.
I agree that some people don’t deserve to have children.
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I have seen things like this yes and it worries me because I think if they do this in public, what must they do to them in the privacy of their own homes? I saw a mother slap her daughter across the face when I was stopped at traffic lights a couple of weeks ago. I yelled out at the mother and was about to undo my seatbelt and storm out of the car to confront her, but my husband took off before I could. I feel so awful when I see things like this and I will always tell them what I think of them when it is an extreme case of dangerous parenting like this. I am pretty good at throwing death stares too.
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Some people don’t deserve to have children. I know they can be overwhelmingly exhausting and frustrating at times. But they are precious little blank sheets of paper that we need to fill up with love and fun and learnings.
Stories like this make me want to cry. Actually they strengthen my resolve to get involved with temp/respite foster caring once my kidscare older. Having read about the impact this can have in kids lives I cant wait to get involved (and wish i’d done so in my 30′s before having children).
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I strongly urge you to get involved now, my child is 3 and adores all of the foster kids that we look after. The system is so overloaded and needs people like you. I always thought I would wait until he was older but I’m so glad we jumped in earlier.
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Having is a child is a beautiful privelege. Sadly too many inappopriate people consider it their right and their kids end up living terrible neglected lives.
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The fact that reporting the behaviour shouldn’t be reason enough not to do so. It might be enough to shock him into realising him behaviour isn’t acceptable – probably not, but you never know. I think we’re all guilty of rationalising that doing nothing is okay because it wouldn’t help anyway. Frankly, I think it’s just an excuse for being too scared to get involved and that’s why the world is getting meaner and meaner.
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I 100% agree Sarah. If we all stuck our noses in it would make a difference, a big difference. Children’s rights are a community responsibility.
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I had a similar experience recently in a department store. An argument broke out between a couple and expletives were flying. There were 2 innocent young children in the trolley – and the parents were so loud that I could hear them from a few sections away. Security was called and they were asked to leave the store. It’s just so sad. It saddens me that not only do parents treat their kids that way, but it becomes all that the children know and so the cycle often repeats when the children grow up. I have made a few loud comments when I’ve heard people speaking offensively to their children. Yes, we all have bad days – but I often think if someone is treating their child that way in public, then what are they like at home? As for some people not being allowed to have children – I think that’s a fair call. I also think that there needs to be more parenting programs made available to help families to cope. Parenting is not easy, but there is no excuse to treat children that way.
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i was once at the supermarket when a lwoman with a toddler and a baby no older than 6 months were shopping, the toddler pulled the trolley over with the baby in it and the baby smacked her head so hard on the concrete you could hear it and the poor thing screamed and screamed, half an hour later i saw the same woman with her kids, the baby still crying continuing her shopping and telling the baby to be quiet.. hello lady.. take your damn kid to the hospital, they may have a head injury dont just carry on and tell them to be quiet
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When I was in high school I worked as a checkout chick at a supermarket. I was about 16 at the time and was serving a couple who had a baby, I’d say she was around 8 or 10 months old. The baby was crying and the mother actually screamed in her face telling her to shut up. I couldn’t believe it. The poor little thing kept crying and crying and her mother was yelling in her face as though she could understand. The dad didn’t bat an eyelid, so I guess it was a normal occurence for them. I’ve never forgotten it, and I’m 21 now. I think if it happened now I would have the courage to stand up to her, but back then I was 16 and had no idea what to do.
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The exact same thing happened to me when I was a checkout chick in highschool. This mother and her partner were smacked out on god knows what and the beautiful little baby boy looked at me and gurgled a happy grin, The drugo mother screeched in his face that “he had better not fucking smile again, or so help her”. I nearly ran out after them to grab the baby. I really wish I went and called the police now I’m 22. I’ve never forgotten it.
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Working as a nurse I have seen some truly horrific cases of child abuse. I can say without any doubt that some people absolutely do not deserve children.
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My bff works for DOCS. She has had many sleepless nights over some of the things she has seen. She’s definitely a changed person as a result.
Anyone from SA would know the disgusting story of the “house of horrors” where 2 families in the Northern suburbs were living together. Neighbors complained because they could smell the house. The pictures on the news looked like an abandoned rubbish tip. The kids were removed and most of them needed medical attention. They were being starved for days at a time and sleeping on mattresses with fleas. The case has recently gone to court and all parents got off with a suspended sentence. The kids are in fostercare with visitation from the parents. So does everybody deserve to have children?? No. They do not.
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