This is a sponsored post from Clearblue
by JO ABI
I am CONSTANTLY asked if I’m going to have another baby and I am often asked the question whilst surrounded by my three children. How do they know I want another one, because I really really do. Is there a sign on my forehead?
I know it’s crazy. Four children these days is a lot. Four children is a pack. Four children mean we’ll need a bigger car, a bigger house and more money. But another baby is what I want. And I don’t know what to do.
I have two boys and a girl. I have my girl. Who am I to have another beautiful, healthy baby? There are couples who can’t have any. I have three nephews and a niece. I’m surrounded by children. I’ve given away my cot and my rocker. I’m done, aren’t I?
There’s this saying I love. It goes, “Bite off more than you can chew and then chew like crazy.” That’s how I’ve felt ever since I had my third baby. But I just love it. I love everything about being a mother. I never thought I would love it so much. I love watching them eat the dinner I have made, I love grocery shopping with them and having them help me choose food for the week, I love dressing them after their bath, chasing then around the house while they do their traditional nightly ‘nude run’ amidst lots of laughing and the occasional fall.
But to go back to baby-stage…
Baby-stage is fun but it’s all-consuming and I’m worried that when I have another baby my other children will feel neglected. But I did okay when I had my third. I involved them as much as I could and I always made time for hugs and conversation at the end of the day, no matter how tired I felt.
My boys became so comfortable with their baby sister that they dragged her to their room so she could watch them play video games. I had left her on her play mat and when I walked back in – coffee in hand – she was gone. I walked quickly to the boy’s room and found they had grabbed her little arms and dragged her the whole way. She hadn’t even cried and she was lying on their dirty floor, happily gurgling and dribbling away. I put her in the rocker and left her there. She was always happiest when she was with them.
When I spoke to my husband about the prospect of having another baby he said, “Whatever you decide, I’ll do.” How frustrating. Can’t he give me some sort of reaction? Can’t he at least help me make a list of pros and cons?
Do you know I even have a box of Clearblue in my bathroom draw? And that’s another thing. Will I even be able to get pregnant at this age? The sex, the weeing on a stick, the waiting and hoping. Do you remember the feeling of seeing that little plus sign? Pregnant! But I had trouble conceiving my second baby and I must have spent hundreds of dollars on pregnancy tests until finally getting a positive one. I kept them at work, at home and in my handbag. Whenever I was shopping I’d pick up a pack just in case because when they came up negative I told myself it might be too early. After several negatives I’d usually accept the answer but all that heartache just made it even more wonderful when that little stick told me I had a baby on the way. And one word would always pop into my head when I saw that little plus sign – family.
I am thirty-six years of age and I desperately want another baby. Thank goodness I can easily monitor my ovulation as well, because I’m going to need all the help I can get. It took me one month to become pregnant with my first when I was twenty-seven, almost a year with my second (because I was trying to time the conception so I would end up with a girl then gave up and had another boy) and my third was a surprise. I was still breastfeeding my second baby boy when I fell pregnant with her.
I feel with four my family will be finished. But what if I have another baby and I still don’t feel like my family is complete. How many babies will it take? Hopefully just one more adorable little bundle. Just one more and then I swear, I’m done. I think.
Trying to have a baby is one of the most exciting times in a couple’s life. If you’re like most, once you’ve decided you’re ready to get pregnant you want it to happen as quickly as possible. Yet one in two couples could be trying on the wrong days of a woman’s cycle.
Clearblue can help. We’ve developed the Digital Ovulation Test which is more accurate than temperature and calendar method *, as it is over 99% accurate in detecting the LH surge prior to ovulation. So you know when to have fun!
(*data on file)
This post is sponsored by Clearblue. Comments on this post are just for this post. If you want to talk about the IDEA of sponsored posts or the choice of advertisers please click here. We will be reading all those comments too for feedback.
Once you decided that you wanted another child, how easy did you find it to fall pregnant again? What methods/tips did you use to help you conceive?
Comments
222 Comments so far
I would love another baby, and so would my husband. However to get this started we would need money to go back to IVF, then upgrade the car as we already have twins from one round of IVF that was supposed to give us one child. So we feel blessed with the lovely people we have had, and cannot think of life without them now. However I cannot stop wanting another, and feel like it is wrong not to try. Just a pity that it all revloves around money, and the fact that we are in a small house with no room does not help. Also I am running out of time so cannot put this decision off, it is either now or never. Just feel very sad about it.
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OMG this blog has just resonated so deeply with me. I am a mother of two, a boy and a girl, and I want another baby! I always thought 2 would be enough and it should be, but this burning desire for another baby just won’t go away. It’s nice to hear I’m not the only one to feel this way.
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With the assistance of IVF and surrogacy I have been blessed with three gorgeous children. I am done!
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I have two children, and am 40. For multiple reasons, we had to undergo IVF for our 2nd when I was 37. Every single day, I wish for another, and cry most weeks that we will most likely not have another child (My 48 year old husband is “done”). It breaks my heart and I feel like I will always have this “hole” in my life and little bit of resentment towards him. I hate the fact that I hold this against him but the thought of another child sits there every single day. And yes I do love and cherish the two I have… it is just there.. the thought that this is it. And yes even when it is chaotic, I’m yelling at the kids to get to bed or any other reason… it is still there. Such an interesting and sensitive issue to hear others thoughts on as it is something I struggle with personally each day.
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I would definitely recommend the ovulation tests – knowing you’re about to ovulate is a great opportunity to try at that time. Even with a history of endometriosis I fell pregnant first try with both of my daughters – at 34 and 36 years of age. Talking to other Mums over the years about how hard it was for them to conceive and friends having one or more miscarriages, I know how blessed I am to have had it so easy in terms of conceiving and going to full term.
I too was obsessed with the pregnancy tests – and still have the positive test in a memory box of things from my pregnancy and the early days of motherhood. It looks a little worse for wear but it still has the blue lines – so much joy and hope and excitement tied up in that second little blue line when you first see it!
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We’ve been trying for our third for almost 11 months. Today I took the test and?? Success
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Congrats!!!! Same thing happened to me 3 months ago
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Congratulations! Here’s to an uneventful 8 months xx
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The first time we tried to get pregnant we tried. So hard. I monitored my ovulation and it took almost two years to finally get there (and wasn’t that a happy day!). For the second, we decided to just start trying expecting it to take another couple of years. It didn’t.
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There really is nothing worse than trying to fall pregnant!! I am definitely in the “older” category but fell pregnant straight away with the first. Second took 2 long years after deciding to try. It wasn’t until we’d decided on ivf that I fell pregnant. And then it was a case of “thank goodness, now I can get on with my life!” I do think there are way too many gadgets nowadays. Helpful sure. But also obsession feeders. And it does become an obsession… My thoughts go out to all of you who are having trouble conceiving. It sucks.
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the vet has been to see my husband, and fixed him up.
1 of each for us is all we ever wanted and we were lucky to get exactly that.
That is unless there is another sort of sex we are not aware of ..
there is not enough zoloft or alcohol in this world for me to want more. I love my happy little tribe to the moon, the stars and beyond and wouldnt change them for anything.
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This is me, exactly!
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Like so many others I am always ‘um-ing and ah-ing’ about whether to have a third. Can I ask mothers who have had more than two bubs whether their own health ever contributed to their decision. I’m talking about the increased risks of permanent and painful pelvic instability, prolapse, varicose veins etc. I know there are lots of temporary ailments we suffer through with pregnancy (morning sickness etc) but I do worry about my quality of life in having more children – particularly after menopause when many of these ailments worsen.
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I had terrible pelvic instability and a rectus abdominus separation that only closed to a 2 finger gap after my second baby. I was told if I had a third, I woud definitely need surgery and my instability would be horrid. We decided to have a 3rd and all of those things happened, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. 4 years later my stomach is better than ever thanks to that surgery and a good exercise routine and seeing a fantastic massage therapist has returned my body to relatively normal. Yes I have a few more varicose veins and stretch marks than I might have had, but I’d still do it all again.
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Yes, it is amazing that even with all the problems we experience through pregnancy we still have that burning desire to have another bub – thanks for perspective
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We’re going for our 3rd, my pelvis is already hurting and clunking. My prolapse will probably get worse, and I’ll most likely need surgery. 3 yes, 4 definitely not!
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Yes, four for me would have my body completely wrecked – but like you, still definitely considering a third
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We’re still trying. It’s been 6 years and I feel like maybe I need to give IVF a go. I’ve looked into it but it is so expensive. We just arent in a place to afford that sort of thing.
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Donna, there is access to publically funded IVF – you have to fall into certain guidelines (age, health and no other children) but it may be worth looking into in your situation. There is a wait of course as with anything publically funded but it could be worth it in the end.
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I had real trouble getting pregnant the first time. I really thought that once we decided to try that it would happen straight away. It was pretty tough to take when I realised that wasn’t the case. But after 4 years of trying it all worked out in the end!
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Yay!!
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When I was trying to conceive, I had a dual addiction – pregnancy tests and ovulation tests!
My cycle is a bit irregular so I used an ovulation test but it wasn’t digital like this Clearblue thingy. Hadn’t seen that before.
I’ll be stocking up when I’m ready to go again!
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I am using the digital ovulation test at the moment! Helps me narrow down when to have sex instead of just doing it randomly.
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My husband is away from home during the week and the ovulation test is really helpful in working out when one of us has to jump in the car and make the 6 hour round trip home for baby-making.
Now if only we could buy them at the petrol station….
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Same! Might be awhile but may as well start stocking up now
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Oh Clearblue. I still have that stick 8 years later
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Me too! How crazy! It smells a bit but that little symbol is still just as clear.
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Me three!
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Thank god I’m not the only one!
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Same
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me four! 6 years later. my husband found it in a memory box when we moved recently and thought it was weird/gross to keep peed on stick but I love it and it is still a strong +. I will never forget walking back into our bathroom and seeing the + one of the best days of my life. Only bummer is I used the Clearblue digital for no 2 and the screen goes after a few hours , so I bought another pack and took photos on my iphone that said Pregnant 4+weeks but some a**hole saw my phone in my car when I was in the post office and smashed in the window to stole it so now that is gone forever as I had forgot to download the pictures.
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My sis-in-law had 3 kids under 5. Thought she’d try for one more.
Twins.
5 kids under 5.
Careful what you wish for!
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There’s a test that tells you how many weeks preg you are? Jeez, things have certainly come a long way since I got knocked up.
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As a serial ‘tester’ I can relate. At 38 we just agreed to try for #3 hoping it would happen but knowing last time it took a long time and then IVF. We wanted to try naturally and first month, pregnant with twins! Now we are getting used to the idea of family of 4. Go for it – you never know, you could end up with 5 kids!
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When I was trying to get pregnant I became obsessed with reading the back of all the pregnancy test packs to see which one would tell me the earliest whether I was or not.
Clearblue was a favourite back then, I can still see the packaging in my mind. My heart would beat a little faster when I put my hands on the pack and took it to the counter and I may -cough – have bought several at a time.
There was a spate of a few years there where I would always have one or two in my bathroom drawer.
I love that they’re getting even more accurate. Soon you’ll be able to know whether you’re pregnant before you’ve even put your clothes back on!
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Are you for real Mia????? It’s bad enough that we have to suffer sponsored articles which feature insulting product placement, but then another product endorsement from you posing as a comment? You know, your readers aren’t as stupid as you’d like us to be.
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You could have worded that a little more delicately but I agree. I think sponsored posts are ok but ads in comments is going a bit far.
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I have no problem with sponsored posts, as long as it’s stated upfront as it is in this one, and I have no problem with Mia’s comments.
But I always have a little chuckle. Because the way they’re written, I ALWAYS think of Krusty the Klown in the “Canyonero” episode of the Simpsons. When he starts awkwardly spruiking the car in the middle of his stand-up routine – “talk about roomy!”
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Hi What???
As you may know, I don’t comment on every sponsored post – only when I have something genuine and authentic to say on the subject.
I have written a lot about my addiction to pregnancy tests in my books and sometimes here on Mamamia so that fact is well-established.
Clearblue WAS my brand of choice during my conceiving years – and I tried them ALL including the ones where you had to wee in the cup and dip a stick in it. And there is no reason why I shouldn’t mention it here.
It would be a mistake to confuse Mamamia with the ABC. People can mention brand names in sponsored and other posts. Even me.
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I remember that chapter in your book about the pregnancy tests. It had me in stitches because I do exactly the same thing! Why shouldn’t Mia comment about something if she wants to?
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I found clearblue gave me false positives, very disappointing, even shattering to find out later
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Oh lighten up. Who’s making you read the comments? Are we not allowed to mention the names of products we like? I’m also a Clearblue fan. I’m sure lots of people are.
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A bit off topic but my daughter found an old pregnancy test of mine in a drawer the other day and asked how it worked. I explained that you wee on it and she asked if she could try!
I didn’t think there was any harm in it so I said OK.
She’s 8.
We had a bit of a laugh and it was quite educational really.
Now I’m wondering what will happen if she says something at school! “Guess what I did on the weekend? A pregnancy test!”
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Did anyone wonder in Offspring – the last few episodes – why Nina didn’t do a home test like this one? Why would she have done a blood test when these Clearblue things are so accurate?
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OMG. Yes. I thought the same thing. LOL. Who has blood tests for pregnancy anymore when you can run down to the chemist for so much less than a doctor’s appointment?
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not necessarily true guys i did three tests all come back negative with my second child and i was 3 and a bit months pregnant also the blood tests test for other things aswell not just if your pregnant
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Agree agree!!! I just knew I was pregnant with my 3rd but all 4 tests said no….constant vomiting was dead giveaway…went to doctor, blood test, 10 weeks…..mothers intuition!
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SO AGREE! It’s ridiculous. It’s not like it used to be in the old days where you have the ‘am I or am I not’ panic anymore – you can find out straight away!
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I am not pregnant yet but I would go for the wee over the needle any day!
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The plain old “Am I/aren’t I” tests are fine for me, followed by a visit to my GP. These tests have their place, but they are no substitute for medical care. The GP will check your health – BP etc. And the pathologist is looking at far more than your HCG levels (and they do that more accurately too – “2-3″ weeks is pretty vague IMO, and an actual HCG reading will alert to any problems and get you back in for further monitoring if necessary) – they do serology for a range of diseases like rubella, and also do FBC, check iron levels etc.
To me, a test like this is a cute gimmick, nothing more.
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Maybe because she’s a doctor, and she wanted to get a blood test done and get it over with?
My sister is a doctor and completely agreed with Nina. She says if she was in Nina’s situation she would have done the same thing. Not because home pregnancy tests are crap, but because of false positives/negatives. When you’re trying for a baby presumably you are testing yourself regularly, so a home pregnancy test is an economical and practical option. When something like this happens (i.e. get knocked up by ex-bf you are not sure you want to be with) you just want one final answer. Plus we know how obsessive Nina could be, so she could have just kept peeing into one stick after another…
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YES!!! For heaven’s sake – she is an OB…she should have packets of them in her office?!
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Blood tests you can tell about 4 – 5 days earlier than a pee on a stick pregnancy test. (even if it’s a Clearblue one)
No infertility specialist I’ve seen in the last 3 years has ever confirmed a pregnancy with a pee on a stick test. I’ve been pregnant 11 times.
Please be grateful you weren’t familiar with the blood test option or routine….. or when Billie’s ultrasound didn’t show a baby that was alive or Patrick’s grieving for his baby who passed away.
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When I was preggers with my first multiple pee sticks said it was so – but when I went to the doctors the blood test did not. The wee stick was true.
P
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both my pregnancies were confirmed through a urine test by my GP (a different GP each time). of course blood tests were also done to back up the diagnosis and check up on what diseases/immunity/blood type I had.
I assumed it was a handy plot device to drag the story out over three episodes (and up the ridiculous factor)
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I wish I could buy pregnancy tests in bulk. I am addicted to them. Been trying to fall pregnant for 10 months and I reckon I buy 2-3 per month!
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I have been using an ovulation tester for a week now and am hoping that it is going to help us conceive. We’ve been trying for a few months but no luck – and was buying 3 pregnancy tests a week – just like you Samantha! I know people try for years and have no luck and end up not being able to have families sot hat is far worse. I know it is early days for me but I hope this works out soon. Hopefully the ovulation testing helps us turn the corner.
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you can! go to ebay. They come in different amounts and they are so cheap too! think i used to get about 5 for $3 delivered in a plain white envelope too! And they are accurate as I have my little baby here as proof. Also can get cheaper ovulation tests too. Just no fancy packaging
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I was addicted to ovulation and pregnancy tests when trying for both of my babies. I only bought them in bulk from natropathonline.com.au the brand is ‘ovu now’ and they come in packs like 10 ovu tests and 2 preg tests or 50 ova tests and 10 preg test. Very cost effective and very accurate. They predicted both of my pregnancies a day or two before my period was due and the ovu test were great, I would use several in a day when it was the middle of the month.
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You can! Do a search on the internet – they are way cheaper (about $1 each) & I found them just as accurate (& in fact, they were easier to read than whichever one I bought from the chemist). Good luck. It’s crappy when it takes a long time.
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This is a huge topic in my head right now. I have 2 children (a girl & a boy), one of whom is still a young baby. I can’t shake the feeling “this can’t be the last time!”. I love babies SO much. I know they are only babies for a short time & I should really be thinking about whether we can manage more people in our family… but I’m not logical about this.
Everyone below seems to be talking about “I” and “me” a lot, as i it’s all up to them. Are your husbands all totally on board with whatever you decide??
That’s one of the things that worries me. My husband is a “maybe” on more… what if he agrees to make me happy, then resents me for putting a bigger financial burden on the family? What if his “maybe” turns into a “no” and I feel this yearning forever, like my Mum did?!
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I wish dads were mentioned more on this site in general.
Many mum’s seem to talk like they are the only ones involved in getting pregnant and raising kids.
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I have five. After 3, I always say it is 100% mayhem. And love. And everything around it:)
It has nothing to do with what other people think. If you have one, they look at you oddly if you only want one. Two, if not same gender, you must want $opposite_gender. After 3, they ask if more, then tell you that you are mad. I get gasps when I say I have five, and yes, they say “brave”, “mad” etc. *shrug* I imagine those who want none, like my lovely SIL, get that sort of thing. SHe is a marvellous Aunt, but she and my brother have never wanted kids, and good luck to them.
I just know I had this ache until my son (no 5 living) was born, and then I was finally whole. It took ten pregnancies, and two much mourned lost daughters, 3 miscarriages, and a world of pain, loss, fear and heartbreak, but oh! They are all so worth it:) The longing is at peace, and I am happily now pursuing my career, with three grown, and two at the 9 & 11 stage.
Oddly, I have no opinion on grandchildren – I think that is the business of my children to decide for themselves. As long as they are happy, my yearning for them is about me, I do not need them to further reproduce to make me happy.
So…follow your heart, but be clear in it. And good luck whatever you decide.
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I knew from the beginning that this was an SP, what I want to know now is whether Jo is a real person considering having another child. If she is then I’m happy to read because I’m in the same situation but if not then not.
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Jo Abi is a real person..
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Hi AJ.
Jo is definitely a real person! She writes for Mamamia regularly.
Cheers, Jamila
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I love Jo’s posts. She is always so honest about the things other people won’t talk about. And we share a name. Go Jo!
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Agreed
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Jo is a real person, our kids go to school together, she’s lovely and genuine… tough decision Jo, but I’m sure you’ll make the right one!
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This post makes me feel sad. I have a beautiful 5 yr old boy and would dearly love to give him a brother or sister but it’s not to be. I struggle with this on a daily basis and I just hope I will be at peace with my situation soon.
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If you want another one, just have one. You only live once.
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How the crap do you time conception for a girl???
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The theory is that the sperm for boys swim fast while the sperm for girls live longer. So if you want a girl you are supposed to have sex prior to ovulation whereas if you want a boy you are supposed to have sex right on ovulation.
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You conceive on day 11 from when your period starts. It worked for me!
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There’s plenty of info on the internet about how to time conception for a particular gender. Three of my friends who have tried it have got the gender they were trying for.
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I have a girl 8 and boy 6 ( who has major speech delay), it has been a long road to this point but would dearly love to have a third child we have always dreamed of three, may we be blessed with another beautiful soul
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Blah blah blah “I have my girl”. Well good for you. But are you suggesting that the thought of four children should not apply to you because you have your girl? Should only us mothers of boys be yearning for another child because we are truly the unfulfilled ones? Thank goodness my boys aren’t old enough to read such offensive rubbish. I bet you’re one of those annoying people who ask mothers of boys if they’re going to “keep trying”.
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Yes, I know what you mean. It always makes me think that people who can say this must be lucky enough to have never lost a child.
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I had my son through IVF after 6 years of trying for a baby. He has just turned one. I am 38 weeks pregnant with my second – naturally this time. Everyone keeps saying that I must want a girl.
Seriously, this is my second miracle – I would feel very ungrateful then to ask for more than a healthy baby.
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I got the distinct impression that this was NOT the feelings of the author but what she thought OTHER people would think (that she should stop now because she has both genders)?
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Yeh, I’m with Rene here, I think the author just meant people might think she ought to stop because she already has a child of each gender. I don’t think she meant to be offensive in that way at all.
Also – would you have spoken that way if you’d met her in person? Cos your attitude stinks.
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Being a mother of two boys, I flinched at that line too Anabel.
I also don’t think the author was talking about other people’s thoughts but was indeed talking about her feelings on the matter. God, I’ve heard that line ‘I have my girl’ enough times in real life and depending on the situation and the intention of the person saying that, it can sound so smug. I’ll be honest, I’m a bit sensitive to this sentiment as I only ever pictured myself with daughters so it’s hard sometimes feeling like (in no small due to media and society) I’m missing out terribly by not having one.
Even though I have the most gorgeous boys ever. Whenever those I want a girl feelings creep in I just thank the universe for my two smart, funny, healthy and good hearted little fellas!
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Oh rats. I wish this was an option for me. We have two beautiful girls, 2 and 7 months. I would dearly love a third but at 42 (nearly 43) I know my time’s up. If only I’d met my husband earlier……Although I do feel incredibly lucky to have my wonderful little family, I still often think about having a third and can’t quite bring myself to pack away those 000 wondersuits for good.
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You need to pay extra for correct spelling.
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LOL @ extra for spelling, they deserve a refund, they didn`t get what they paid for
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You are so very lucky to be in a position and able to have another one Jo. I envy you. I have a heart condition (well, it’s actually heart conditions, as in more than 1 problem) and was extremely lucky to have had a gorgeous, healthy baby boy in 2008 but unfortunately the pregnancy put a huge strain on my heart and, having undergone open heart surgery and then having to have a pacemaker put in and ongoing medications, well it’s no more babies for me! I’ve been told my heart will not survive another pregnancy.
I would desperately love to have at least another baby (always saw myself with 4 kids) so my dreams have been shattered, but I do feel extremely lucky and blessed to have one perfect and healthy gorgeous boy as there are so many people who don’t even get that.
Go for number 4 I say! Go for as many as you can while you can. Good luck with your decision!!!
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The more the merrier! Those tests can be completely addictive when you’re trying to fall pregnant. Iv’e used the clearblue ovulation thingy too and got to the point that I was having sex on an EXACT schedule. So much for romance hey>?
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I am a 36yo very proud mum of four boys. 7, 5, 2 & 3mths. I adore them all. Some days are nuts but I wouldnt have it any other way.
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How about fostering a child? If your feeling Like your family is missing a piece maybe this could fill that gap plus be very rewarding
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I don’t think you all realise how lucky you all are to be able to ‘make the decision’ to have another baby. 6 miscarriages, 1 ectopic and 1 stillborn later and some of us still have nothing. I would love to be in your predicament!
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Fostering is a whole different ball game. Behavioral issues, attachment disorders… It’s not for the faint hearted. Personally I don’t think that it fulfills the wish of having a child of your own http://Www.littlepleasures.blog.com I’m not saying that I don’t like being a foster mum just that it’s not that easy and it’s a totally different style of parenting.
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I think if you are considering it, or trying to rationalise your desires, you should do it!
When I was thinking of having my third its all I could think about – the pros and cons.. Ultimately it was me saying I wanted third child. Now, with three, I know I do not want anymore. NO WAY!
Trust your gut instinct and go with it
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I did a pregnancy test last week because my period was late. It was more a peace of mind thing, I didn’t ACTUALLY think that I might be pregnant and GUESS WHAT? THat little blue PLUS came up in the window and I have never been happier. I am so excited to meet my third.
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What brand did you use? Clearblue like this post suggests!?!
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Yes actually! The first time I ever did one I used Clear Blue and it was right so you know, I just never bothered to change it.
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From my teen years I’ve always pictured myself with 4 kids. I now have 3 (5, 3 & 1) & I’m trying to decide on the 4th.
So many questions & no magic 8 ball to help me decide.
After 3 healthy kids do I risk a 4th (I’m 36)? Am I being greedy? My partner is happy with 3 – will he resent it if we have a 4th? Dollerwise it’ll be tight & while we we can afford a young child & the primary years what about with 4 teenagers? How will it limit what we can do with the other 3?
Will I regret not having a 4th? I already feel like one is missing. Will I ever get used to looking in the rear view mirror & only counting 3 heads?
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I recently talked to my aunt about why she stopped at 2 kids when she had said for years she wanted 4. She said that she knew for sure that even if her husband lost his job, or there was a massive traumatic event, financially she would always be stable if she stopped at 2. They will pay off their house 10 in years. They don’t have a lot of materialistic posessions but a modest amount to be comfortable. She said she loves the fact that when her kids are teenagers even though she is going to make them get jobs, they won’t HAVE to get jobs, like her and my mother did when they were teenagers. She said shed rather give her two kids an amazing, completely stable (not spoilt) lifestyle, than have an extra kid or two just because she really really wanted them. They could afford another kid but the anxiety of something possibly going wrong, and the extra years added to the mortgage werent worth it if that anxiety was to transcend down through the children. I know a few children who are very money concious and constantly full of guilt cos they are aware of financial problems int he family and feel responsible.
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I accidently have 4, when #3 was 1 I discovered little Quattro was on the way, I wept, I admit the first 3 months were really hard work, we moved into a larger house when she was 6 weeks, but now she is nearly 4 it’s great. The 2 little ones like to pretend they are twins, they are very close, 4 is a wonderful #, we are constantly outnumbered & I love it! 4 is incredibly hard work, tonnes of washing, truckloads of food but so much love & laughter. Good luck!!!!
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I have an awesome nearly 4 year old and struggle with deciding whether or not to have another one. I have siblings who I am close to and don’t want him to miss out on having that. However, despite a wonderful pregnancy, his birth was not great (emergency C section due to a placental abruption), I am about to turn 40 and concerned that I have left it too late due to age related complications. I really hate the idea of him being an only child but I also hate the idea of something going wrong with the pregnancy/birth (due to last pregnancy complications). I never imagined myself with only one child.
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Hi nicole. No answers here but I can say with zero doubt : every birth is different! Speak to your ob/gyn but I doubt your last experience will make you any more at risk of a repeat. 40 is on the late side, but I know plenty of mums who started baby making well after the big 4 0. There’s cvs screening too if you’re worried… Anyway, just thought your story didn’t sound very red light ish to me…
Good luck with whatever you decide!
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Thanks for your reply. Unfortunately my last experience does mean that I have an increased risk of it happening again. I had a complete placental abruption which means my chances of having another one are higher than if I had never had one. I woke up to a nurse telling me I was lucky to to be here and that my son had very low APGAR scores and had not been breathing. This is why I struggle. Thank you for the well wishes though.
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Ugh. Another sponsored post. I know we’ve been asked to stay on topic and post about the issue of sponsored posts elsewhere.
But how about this for a deal, mamamia: we’ll start criticising sponsored posts in the appropriate place when you start being honest and stating at the TOP of a post when it is actually an ad.
I think that is fair enough.
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They do! The picture caption is pretty close to the top.
Side note: I never noticed brand names being specifically worked into the sponsored posts before, but “Do you know I even have a box of Clearblue in my bathroom draw?” stuck out like a sore thumb and sorry, it was a bit annoying.
Other than that, really great post, I don’t mind that it’s sponsored at all.
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Me too… And I had no idea it was a sponsored post. And because of that dear sponsor, I would have rushed out and bought my preferred brand, Discover.
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Haha, I had the same thought. I’ve enjoyed reading the article but will go out of my way to avoid Clearblue now.
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My hubby has had the snip so there will be no more for us (we have three) and yet I still ask myself this question! My heart yearns for another, I adore babies but my head screams no way! I am sick as a dog when I am pregnant and I just think four would tip me over the edge and yet, I still wonder! And we have here boys so are always getting the, “are you going for a girl question”. It drives me batty, I adore my boys and if we were going down that track I would be thrilled either way.
The decision to have number three was really hard for us but it is the best decision we ever made! Three babies in four years was CRAZY but my littlest guy will be three soon and I can’t believe I will never have a babe in arms again. Sigh…
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Can you believe after all our conversations with me saying that I was going to stop after Fin that I am now thinking of having three!
I can’t believe you are thinking of a fourth!!
LOL!
xxxx
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Bec, I would be SOOOOOOOOO excited if you were to have another! I know it is such a loaded decision for you with so much emotion involved. After one of the conversations we had, I will no longer say that it is a decision that you will never regret (you really made me think about saying that and I have never said it since) but I just look at my PJ and know how much turmoil we had in making that decision and there just aren’t the enough words to explain how thrilled I am that he is here.
I want to scream, “Do it, do it, do it!” but I won’t!
xxx
PS what I will say is that you make ‘em so cute!
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Bec, I’m with you. I believe we’re about the same age and it’s a question I ask myself every day… without fail. I have to gorgeous kids already, a boy and a girl, and it would be lovely to have a third. We’ll see
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My 2nd is now 5 mths old. I was so sure I’d be done after 2 but I’m already thinking another one sometime in 2014 would be just fab…
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My second is three months, I’m thinking the same about 2014…
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I had two kids young and the relationship broke down, as so many do when you’re young. I met hubby still young and he faffed bout for ages before deciding he wanted to get married. Just, in fact, before my self imposed timetable for having more kids ended. It took ages to have our first together and due to the age gap we had another. I knew I was done after that one and sent hubby to a surgeon,
Yes, we had to get a people mover and a bigger house has helped, but I love our “herd” as I’ve called a family that size referred to.
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Im the eldest of 4 kids (I’m 18, my sisters are 16 and 14 and my brother is 11) and its honestly the best feeling in the world ! We are all so close and do everything together! Yes our house is crowded with 6 of us but it’s the best funny feeling in the world
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What happened to the old days of writing “Sponsored Post” in the title. I feel ripped off.
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I agree. I would prefer to know right from the get go if a post is sponsored.
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I also agree. I would like to know before I click on it. I don’t read it when I see the ‘sponsored post’ blurb – but that doesn’t matter to the sponsor – it still sees my click as a view, makes the site more $$$
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But the title of the page is called “Clearblue: Just one more baby?” surely that’s a clue???
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The title is “Just one more baby”. I don’t see any reference to Clearblue, except under the image that accompanies the article, and I didn’t notice that until I got to the end of the article, realised it was a sponsored post, and went back to the top to see what I’d missed. It’s not apparent when you click on the article from the home page that it’s a sponsored post.
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Hi The Tip Master
I understand that sponsored posts aren’t everyone’s cup of tea but the reality of running a website like Mamamia means that we do need to accept advertising in order to keep the site running.
We are free and available for you to read 24 hours a day – plus we post up to 12 stories a day during busy periods and that is made possible through our advertisers.
We make sure we keep the content interesting – like this great post from Jo which is so obviously straight from the heart and in my view really easy to read.
We promote the posts on social media using the SP symbol to distinguish them and we say throughout the post that it is sponsored. We also have a separate page set up that we check regularly, so if you want to discuss these issues further we can chat over there.
All the best,
Jamila
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In answer to your question Jo, how many babies will it take till your complete? For me the indication was I could look at a pregnant woman or a newborn baby with a mixture of longing AND horror ……..not just longing!! When you are at the horrified point – you know you are done!! I am a proud mum of 3 beautiful girls – 11,4 and 2 and pretty much seen it all, IVF, natural conceptions, pnd and miscarriages…like many of us the motherhood journey is an interesting one!! Good luck in what you choose to do!!
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We have friends that have 11(no multiple births)!!! Just shows everyones different !! When I have Kids I either want to have an only child, one of each or at least six. I am yet to decide which combo !!
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I have a gorgeous one year old daughter, and I always thought I wanted two kids (ideally a “pigeon pair”), with about a 2 year age gap – but at the moment I’m barely coping with one! The thought of falling pregnant any time soon scares the bejeezus out of me. I’m so hoping that once our bub finally decides to sleep through the night that then I’ll start to feel human again… and perhaps then I’ll be able to imagine surviving a) another pregnancy & b) the chaos of life with a new baby. But I’m scared that I’m never going to get to that point – or that when I finally do feel ready it will be too late (I’m 35).
And what if we do go for baby #2 and then regret it??
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Someone wise once told me you’ll never regret the children you have. Just the ones you don’t have.
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I know that’s not true for everybody.
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Ohhh I feel for you! I felt EXACTLY the same when my first was one. The thought of an accidental pregnancy filled me with cold dread! She did, however, start to sleep through the night around 18 months – and suddenly I found myself gazing at newborn babies again with some vague cluckiness… I decided we could ‘see what happens’ and then we fell pregnant with #2, our boy, the same week! I think you’ll feel better once our first is a little older. Once they hit 2, 3, it’s amazing how much they can do for themselves, how much they understand. 1 year old is still a baby – I understand not wanting ANOTHER baby right at that point!
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At 34 I had my only child. However at 11 weeks into my pregnancy my husband died suddenly from an un-diagnosed heart condition. 18 months later I was in another relationship ( a whole other topic ) and my new partner wanted me to be open to more children……. heck, I wasn’t even sure I was open to this relationship let alone more children!
………and I feel I have missed the boat. My husband doesn’t want to be in his 60′s raising teens, and I can perfectly understand this, but I so wanted a sibling for our daughter.
I wasn’t ready physiologically or emotionally and said so with the thought of ” never say never.”
However as time went past and our daughter turned 3, I again felt the desire to have another child. Except this time, although I was with the same man, ( who is now my husband 5.5 years later ) I wasn’t married…..and for me that was a personal belief along with …. no kids before 30, none after 40……. so again, no second child.
I am now 40
If I’m honest, I feel robbed of experiencing a pregnancy and the joy that comes with that and a new baby and child with the man that I love, both then and now.
We have a wonderfully spirited healthy daughter who is an absolute joy. Who is a reflection of her beautiful father and loved so deeply by her newer father…..I AM so very very lucky.
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Love to you Kerri-Ann, you sound like a wonderful person and mother xxx
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I would love another baby, having had two through IVF I really, really would love a money tree in my back yard to pay for as many cycles as it would take to have another successful pregnancy!! I LOVE BABIES!!
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I desperately would love a third baby. I just dont feel like my family is complete. My partner on the other hand only wants 2. No more. My sensible part says… you have 2 beautiful healthy children dont be so greedy. How would we afford another. But everytime I see a pregnant woman I wish it was me. And everytime I just as so much smell a baby I am sure my ovaries willl burst with desire!!! So hard to decide!!!!
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could have written this post
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There is so much written about the right time to start having babies. BUT WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME TO STOP?
I am also pondering this even as I type……
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I always wanted four but after having my third my rational brain spent 2 years presenting all the reasons why I should be grateful to have my three beautiful children. But the feeling of someone missing from my family wouldn’t go away. So I broke all of my self imposed rules and we fell pregnant with number four just as I turned 41. I can tell you as soon as that double pink line appears all reservations disappear and instead huge excitement just like it was our first. And when gorgeous girl finally arrived I had an overwhelming sense of thank god she is here with us. And I now feel finished with my four,content, fulfilled and so grateful. If you want to and you can I would say absolutely go for it.
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