"I always wanted creative children. But I didn't realise this would be the consequence".

I’ve always wanted creative children. I’ve always wanted children who were able to express themselves artistically though writing or painting or sculpting.

So you can imagine how happy I was when my daughter drew a beautifully expressive painting on the lounge room wall with poo she had retrieved from her nappy. For a girl of only two-and-a-half it was quite a good effort.

There were clear lines and smears and what seemed to be a sun, a bird and maybe an attempt at a cat. I can’t tell you what a relief it is to have such creative daughter…

You can only prepare so much to be a parent. You buy all the things you’re told to buy. You read books, ask for advice and diligently feed, weigh, measure and adore your child. It’s the moments you don’t prepare for that can make or break you as a parent.

Just as an FYI, you should know that this post is sponsored by CHUX. But all opinions expressed by the author are 100% authentic and written in their own words.

Luckily when I discovered my daughter’s handiwork I was so shocked I forgot to yell. Not that yelling at a two-and-a-half year old would have any effect. A hysterically crying child isn’t in a position to learn the lesson they obviously need to learn in that situation. Plus, in fairness to her, I’d never actually said she couldn’t poo paint.

Normally when teaching her something important I kneel down in front of her, clasp her hands and look at her earnestly in the eyes, calmly explaining to her whatever it was I needed for her to learn.

That wasn’t an option so I cleaned her with baby wipes as best I could, placed her in a very soapy bath under her father’s supervision and cleaned the wall using CHUX Superwipes.

Sadly I didn’t have the stomach to rinse them out and reuse them. I went through a packet of wipes to clean the mess followed by a layer of disinfectant.

Once my daughter was clean and dry, dressed in her Hello Kitty pyjamas, I sat her on my knee and explained that poo wasn’t for painting and that while her picture had shown promise, I’d prefer for her to use the crayons and pencils I’d bought her and do it on paper so I could keep them all.

Poo paintings unfortunately continued to appear on various surfaces around the house but by the age of three she pretty much grasped the fact that I wasn’t happy with poo painting.

The moral to this story is that parenting is full of constant surprises. You will be faced with situations that make you want to laugh or cry but normally the shock silences you for a beat or two.

Then, you just clean it all up and move on to the next shock. Like the time my son had a nose bleed during his nap, except I didn’t know he’d had a nose bleed and instead when I walked in to pick him up from his nap immediately assumed someone had crawled through the window, attempted to stab him to death and then crawled out, somehow securing the window behind them.

Because he was covered in blood I couldn’t find the source of the bleeding. Blood was smeared all over his body, the cot, the walls, the bedding. As I searched for the wound/wounds my son started giggling, assuming I was commencing a tickling game. It was then that I noticed the congealed blood around his nostrils which I explained to the emergency operator I had been hysterically shrieking the stabbing theory to.

So my daughter’s poo painting days are over and my son has occasional nose bleeds which I now know are not attempted homicides.

What is the biggest mess your children have ever made? Look anything similar to these messes:

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