by REBECCA SPARROW
That’s the question, I’m asking.
Does baby formula need to be under lock and key in hospitals in order to encourage new mothers to breastfeed their babies rather than relying on baby formula?
I don’t know what you think but I can tell you what New York’s Mayor Michael Bloomberg thinks. He thinks ‘yes’. Which is why next month the city is implementing a program that aggressively promotes breastfeeding to new mothers in the city’s hospitals by locking up the baby formula …
Lawyer and writer Jacoba Urist wrote about it for The Wall Street Journal blogs:
Formula – locked for whose protection?
Starting September 3rd, under the “Latch on NYC” initiative , the City will monitor the number of formula bottles hospitals use, by keeping them in the same kind of lock-boxes they use to store medications.
So far, 27 of the New York’s 40 hospitals have signed on, agreeing to toss out formula-branded items like lanyards and mugs and to document a medical reason for every bottle a newborn receives— treating formula like a prescription drug.
With each formula bottle a mother requests, she’ll get a lactation lecture about why she should use breast milk instead.
NYU Medical’s spokesperson told The New York Post that they’ve already adopted the program. The Post reports that NYU’s breastfeeding rate has jumped from 39 to 68 percent of new mothers since they implemented it.
I’m all for women breastfeeding if they want to (as I did). The health benefits of breast milk are persuasive. We should support mothers who choose to breastfeed with things like greater social acceptability and public lactation rooms.
But Bloomberg’s program forces women to defend a valid request for baby formula. It preys on women in the days (sometimes hours) after they deliver a baby.
If I, a fairly confident, opinionated lawyer, had trouble standing up to the breast-feeding brigade at the hospital, before the Bloomberg lockdown, I can only imagine what New York moms face today. Or come September.
To say that Urist’s words ring true for me in an understatement. Earlier this year I gave birth to my son Fin in a Baby Friendly Health Initiatives accredited hospital — a global initiative that is strikingly similar to the one Urist describes above.
Bec with Fin
Not that I should really even need to tell you this but Fin was premature. My milk took a loooong time to come in. And my son was losing weight. So my pediatrician instructed that he go on formula for ‘top up’ feeds. An issue that clearly didn’t sit well with some of the midwives.
Several of them – not all but more than one – made me feel like a negligent mother for giving my baby formula.
I’m a forty-year-old woman who is hardly a wall flower. And yet three days after giving birth, I just stood there and allowed myself to be berated by a midwife at the ward’s front desk – in front of several people – for ‘not trying hard enough’ to breastfeed. She publicly reprimanded me for not expressing milk every two hours throughout the night. I had tried but frankly I was EXHAUSTED. Actually exhausted doesn’t even convey how I felt. I’d been sleeping an average of two hours per night in the lead up to Fin’s birth. I was mentally fried by the time I reached hospital. Regardless, this midwife castigated me. I went back to my room and sobbed.
Worse was the loudly unspoken message that what I was doing — giving my son some formula – was ‘disappointing’. Even irresponsible. It, at times, felt like blatant bullying at a period in my life when I was at my most fragile.
It was the facial expressions certain midwives made when I asked for the formula. It was the ever conflicting advice on how best to feed the formula to him. (Every midwife had a different opinion: Syringe! Teat! Dropper! I found myself getting anxious whenever there was a change in shift). It was the way in which I was gravely presented with forms to sign when I requested the formula for Fin which reinforced the notion that what I was doing was detrimental to his well-being. It was being made aware that there needed to be two staff to ‘witness’ the formula being ‘signed out’ of the cupboard. All strategies, if we’re going to be completely honest, designed to make mothers who choose formula to feel awkward. Uncomfortable. Guilty. These initiatives seem hell-bent on communicating to formula-feeding mothers that their choice is the wrong one. And believe me, I got that message loud and clear.
That’s why, I truly believe the pendulum has swung too far. I’m all for breastfeeding. I so, so am. I breastfed my daughter Ava for 12 months and only weaned her because I was rather desperate (read: obsessed) with getting pregnant again. I loved breastfeeding. I loved how good it was for Ava. I loved the convenience. I loved the intimacy of it. I loved the fact there was no washing up to do afterwards (always a bonus). I planned to do the exact same thing with Fin. But as we all know… life doesn’t always go to plan.
That’s why I genuinely fear these initiatives are not about hosptials having a pro-breastfeeding stance but an aggressive anti-formula feeding one. And there’s a big difference. And I’m not convinced it’s playing fair.
By all means educate mothers about the myriad benefits of breastfeeding. Give them access to lactation consultants round the clock. Provide a supportive, nurturing environment for breastfeeding. Offer tips and advice about how to tackle obstacles along the way like mastitis. Low supply. Expressing. Yes, yes to all that. But once a mother knows all the facts and she still chooses not to breastfeed (or to combine breast and formula feeding) for whatever reason … her choice needs to be respected. Not tolerated through gritted teeth and rolled eyes.
I mean, come on. Formula being LOCKED UP? In case – what? – a breastfeeding mother goes rogue one night and attempts to formula feed her baby without permission.
Remind me again why she needs permission? Remind me again why it’s any of the hospital’s business?
I know that breastmilk is far, far superior but it’s baby formula, people. Not crystal meth.
I’m not writing this post to stir up trouble. To get hits. To generate argy-bargy. I’m just someone who has experienced the negative aspect of these ‘breastfeeding initiatives’ firsthand. And I know for sure I’m not alone.
Let me be clear: I’m not saying that ‘Latch on NYC’ or the BFHI initiatives are a bad idea. Not at all. I fully support programs designed to actively encourage breastfeeding. I’m just saying, really loudly: Could we just lose the attitude that seems to go along with it? And is it really necessary to behave as though feeding a baby formula is akin to child abuse? For every mother who is won over to breastfeeding, I suspect there’s another who leaves hospital feeling like she’s already failed for not doing so.
Ultimately, the best mother is a happy mother. However her baby is fed. I hope you’re listening, New York.
Mia feeding Fin
Publisher’s note from Mia Freedman: To preemptively answer some of the comments I know will arise from Bec’s post, I wanted to provide some background. The impetus for this story came from a tweet by 7:30 journalist Leigh Sales who linked to the story about the New York agreement and expressed her surprise that such a thing was happening.
Having been with Bec in hospital when she experienced the incidents she wrote about, I witnessed it first hand and asked if she’d like to write about her view.
It’s worth noting that Leigh Sales, Bec and myself all breastfed our babies. I tell you this to deflect any accusations of myself or Mamamia being anti-breastfeeding. We are patently not and have published pro-breastfeeding articles on the site many many times including this wonderful one from Tara Moss, UNICEF Patron for Breastfeeding for the Baby Friendly Health Initiative (BFHI).<
I have personally written many positive articles about breastfeeding (that could even be described as ‘stridently positive’) including this one, and this one. And in the hospital that day when Bec was in tears, I was giving her gentle, loving advice on how to increase her milk supply because I knew how committed she was to breastfeeding.
So, health professionals and breastfeeding advocates by all means encourage women to breastfeed if it’s the best thing for them and their baby and they want to do it. But treating them like criminals and treating formula like some illegal drug is both uneccessary and insulting. It’s awful for vulnerable new mothers and it gives a bad name to the vast majority of midwives who aren’t so hardline.
In honour of World Breastfeeding Week which ended yesterday, our sister site iVillage published a gallery of celebrities and iVillage readers breastfeeding their babies.We strongly suggest you click through the images here. They will warm your heart.
How can we encourage women to breastfeed, without demonising those who don’t want to or are unable to?
Comments
488 Comments so far
I am very pro-breast feeding, so imagine my surprise when no milk arrived! I felt so so bad that my baby was given formula. This would only have made me worse….
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My brother and I were both bottle fed. We were born in the late 80s. My mother had ross river fever and I think the science back then supported the idea that bottle was actually better. But we now know better.
My brother and I both reached all our developmental milestones just fine. According to Mum, I started reading significantly earlier than my peers, and was reading at least a grade above my age when I started school. I excelled at school. My brother, not quite as academically gifted, but still, was equal in his size, development, speech, etc.
We are both FINE. I’m not saying that I don’t accept the science behind it all, but my brother and I are succesful adults, I’ve two undergrad university degrees and am about to commence a masters, and my brother is a talented tradesman whom is charismatic, hard working and smart.
If you look around my friendship group, you would have no clue as to who was bottle or breast fed as a child. Just saying, I turned out ok from the bottle.
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I have had wonderful pro-breastfeeding support and experiences for the duration I fed my three children…mostly. I have been asked to leave shopping centres and restaurants whilst feeding my babes, and have felt uncomfortable with ogling males at times, but stood my ground ever so politely.
I do believe that society has a lot to answer for this situation. I do not think it is right for health care workers to ‘bully’ new mothers to breastfeed, but I can somehow imagine the possible consequences, particularily if upset mothers voice their opinions to their mothers, their friends, their husbands and so on. If we are stopped and made to converse about and question our choices, surely that will lead us (society) to become more informed about the health of our children.
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Wowee, Im all for breastfeeding and believe its best for baby but I get that some mums cant for a myriad of reasons.
This approach by NYC seems a little communist to me, I thought the great US of A was all about ‘freedom’? Wheres the freedom here?
I think that in-depth antenatal education pro-breastfeeding would be a better way to encourage new mums to perservere with plenty of postnatal support.
Personally, I was told antenatally if I gave up before bubs was 6 weeks then I hadnt given us a chance. I thought, ‘your a wanker’ but I listened and I stuck it out and continued to feed until she self weaned at 22 months.We had issues, cracked nipples, lumps that fortunately didnt evolve into mastitis and my baby ‘failed to thrive’ and I blamed bf however she had a severe heart condition that went undiagnosed for 13 weeks and when it was she had 3 open heart surgeries. (Shes 100% now
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I had no pressure from friends or family or even hubby, It was my own determination and decent supply that saw us through the troubled times.
I firmly believe that determination is a must to succeed for most mums (unless your a born wetnurse) I also believe some mums need to give themselves a break and realise that it is ok if they cant bf and that their babies are way better off on formula with a chilled out mummy. And some mums that just dont want to bf, you make me grumpy because its good for bubs and I wish you would try. But still, if your happy its your choice whos to say anything or force you to bf.
NYC, I see your ‘goodwill’ but dont make it harder than it already is. Most mums I know that fail at bf tie themselves up in knots with guilt, Imagine how these poor mums are going to feel!
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Yet again, I’ve written a little piece on your site (on this thread this time) – and it hasn’t appeared……….’just curious……lol.
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That happens to me too! Maybe they need to upgrade the website
It gets soooo slow sometimes!
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How times have changed. 33 years ago when i had my first born i was obsessed with the idea that i would breast feed, but when i woke up hours later the staff told me that they had bottle fed him to let me have my rest. I had to insist that i fed him rather than bottle feed him, if i was asleep they were to wake me.
When number two came along I told them the first was highly allergic to milk and so was I and I would prefer to be woken up.
There wasn’t this guilt about how you fed your child ,I would sit with two friends as they fed with bottles I would breast feed. In fact there was more hassles with breast feeding as you were restricted, frowned upon in so many areas.
9 years ago my grandchild was born and yes the lactation nazis where there causing my lovely daughter in law to feel guilty with any problems.
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Why don’t we focus on this…how lucky we are to live somewhere with great pre-natal care, wonderful opportunities for deliver your baby the way you want (private, public, water-birth, obstectrcian, mid-wife etc)…and where we have clean water so that if we use formula it’s actually healthy for our kids.
I’m another one who has a child starving in the hospital, gnawing on our hands and no one would give us formula. I can’t imagine why I had no milk. Maybe it was because I barely kept food down the entire pregnancy I was so sick…there was nothing left. I was feeding..there was no milk and no one would give me formula. I combined fed for the next 6 months although the breast-feeding was more going through the motions than anything else. Oh the guilt! Oh the shame! I had tried to have this child for 5 years and straight off the bat I was a bad mother.
Apparently this child was going to have asthma, eczema, allergies and learning difficulties all because I didn’t breast-feed her.
Move forward almost twelve years – she’s the healthiest kid you ever met. She’s only ever had one round of anti-biotics. She’s smart, she’s allergy free she’s happy, she’s perfect. It didn’t make any difference.( Despite family history for several of those things.)
If you can breast-feed that’s wonderful. If you can’t then EVERYONE’s objective should be a happy mum and a healthy baby.
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I cannot believe that healt care professionals risk a child’s life over this debate. Mum says that we all ‘stuffed around so much’ that she gave up breast feeding except my brother who breastfed for 2 years. She has five kids but the funniest was my baby sister being manhandled by the nurse who tried to bend my sister in half to feed she has stiffened herself and had her face turned away from the breast. The nurse almost put her knee in to bend her, finally they gave up after 10 mins of trying to force a newborns head towards her mothers boob. They gave mum a breast pump. Also in Iran in the late sixties there was the same kind of mentality and my eldest cousin who would have been 56 this year died at 6 months old from malnutrition because she wouldn’t breastfeed properly. When in have kids their health alone will be my priority, which includes but is not limited to the birth and any choice I make for them and you can judge me if you like but one dead baby in my family is mor than enough for me
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No Australian or American health care professional would ever risk a child’s life over the breastfeeding / formula feeding debate. To think otherwise is just a bit silly.
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Why would you make this comment when I never pointed the finger at Australian or American health care. What I said was with the knowledge that babies can so easily die, my concern would not be just what I am told but also my own common sense. If my child was in danger during birth then intervene away and if my child was sick and not putting on weight then formula would be the choice and I mean immediately not in a few days/weeks. The baby that would have been my cousin died in 2 days not over a period and Iran at the time was a world leader in many industries not the religious mess it has become since the Americans got involved. My mother also almost died of malnutrition in a refugee camp run by the Allies in Italy so horrible things happen to teeny tiny babies and that would always be my priority not any groups agenda. Many things have happened in both my parents lives that if you had tried to suggest it earlier you might have called them ‘silly’ too.
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So the ayatollah Khomeini and his followers had nothing to do with the religious mess of current Iran? Yes, the US supplied arms to both Iran and Iraq during the 8 year war, but to blame the state of Iran on them is silly. Off topic I know….
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Huh? Iran? Did I miss something?
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Read missamoos comment above.
Probably a bit tetchy of me to get narky about it, but it just irritated me.
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I mentioned in my comment, I also got annoyed that Jenomi made it a country thing. I would also like to point out very quickly with no malice or prejudice that the Americans were manipulating events in Iran loooooooong before the 80′s. The CIA and their undercover operatives posing as Muslim extremists helped depose the second Shah and allow the Ayatollah to claims foot hold. HOWEVER this is all ireleveant as th child I was speaking of died in 1955 before the country spiralled down the toilet. In my original comment I got the dates wrong my fathers parents were still together making him younger than 10 and the time period before the crazy. Sorry for the off topic was meant to be illustration of my agreement that the baby comes first not the method or feeding or birth.
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I had very big babies – my first child was 4.77 kilos.
He was really hungry by day three when my milk still hadn’t come in and i was so upset trying to settle him to sleep that a midwife came in at about 3.00am and said she’d take him to the nursery. She said “if we take him we will be giving him formula though so he settles.”
I was so upset – i’d been scared into thinking that if he had even the smallest amount of formula then he’d reject my breast. Turns out it was all fine. Milk came in a few hours later and when they brought him back from the nursery he was well rested and ready to launch into breastfeeding!
When my 4.1 kilo daughter was born the pediatrician said she had low blood sugar so she was only a couple of hours old when she had her first bit of formula. Luckily i was so much more relaxed the second time around and she happily went straight into breastfeeding and never looked back.
Theres so many mixed messages, confusion and myths surrounding breastfeeding – money would be better spent on more education rather than installing locked cabinets for formula!!
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I gave birth twice in a BFHI hospital and had no issues breastfeeding I was more than prepared and didn’t need any help, I was amazed that a couple of the midwives had a problem with this. I had one midwife demand that I show her how I was breastfeeding because I couldn’t possibly be doing it correctly without her help. Another midwife asked me if my milk had come in, which it had, and then told me it wasn’t possible and grabbed my breast and squeezed it only to shoot milk across the room! A third midwife told me that I was feeding my son too frequently (this was in the first 24 hours of his life) and should just top him up with formula. It was a confusing, demeaning and crazy experience being in hospital, I think some midwives could do with sensitivity training, not a lock and key to hide formula behind so they can wield their power over struggling first time mums.
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I think your point about sensitivity training is right on the money.
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We don’t store formula on the postnatal ward. So it won’t be locked up. There will be some in special care or neonatal intensive care. Least we don’t in the public system in Qld.
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I find it absolutely appalling that some women are made to feel guilty for using formula to feed their babies. I’m curious, what would these mid wives prefer to see? A starving baby and upset mother? Where’s the support? Where’s the compassion? I’m so over having breast feeding rammed down my throat (pardon the pun). I was able to breast feed but geez I feel bad for my friends who were unable to because of the constant pro breasting feeding barrage.
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I want to start this comment by saying I breastfed both my babies. But I think everyone should be left to make their own decision.
I remember a friend coming over for lunch 10 weeks after her baby was born. She was exhausted and beside herself because she had very low milk supplies. She was breastfeeding, giving the baby top up feeds of formula and then expressing in between feeds. The baby was distressed, the mother was distressed and the Dad was distressed to see his girls so distressed. We sat and talked for ages and I just kept asking supportively and gently asking why she was so determined to breastfeed. In the end it came down to her feeling pressured by the ‘breast is best’ and not necessarily her feeling it was best for her. It wasn’t best for her – the baby wasn’t growing, everyone was so emotionally distressed, the more she tried the worse it got so ultimately how is that good for anyone. She moved to formula feeding from that week and breastfed her baby when she could but felt no pressure too. The baby started to sleep, she started to sleep and they both thrived. By the time baby number two came around her milk supply was different and she was happily able to breastfeed her gorgeous girl second time around.
I just don’t see how breast feeding is best in this situation – how is a mother being awake for 18 hours a day trying to feed and express healthy for anyone.
And I strongly feel that it should be every womens right to choose how to feed their baby. My best friend never even tried to breastfeed her children – it just wasn’t something that she wanted to do. She loves her children and they are gorgeous and smart and confident. So who am I or anyone else to judge her for making that decision?
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I don’t have a real issue with formula being locked up in hospital. If you’re baby doesn’t need it for medical reasons, pay for your own and bring it in…surely they can’t stop that (I’m all for a womans choice in relation to breast/bottle but buy your own!) As for Bec’s story, I’m so sorry for you, what a horrid time you had, strangely I had the opposite experince. My now 15 month old was born on time, but very small and lost around 15% of her body weight in the first few days. The midwives were pushing me to start formula even when the Dr said not to worry too much about anything until after day 3 when they could assess if my milk was going to come in at the “normal” time (it did.) Even after my milk came in and I happy pumped between feeds to build supply and get my little one to put on weight, a few of the midwives we still suggesting topping up with formula – thankfully the dr told them to get nicked.
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Buy your own? The hospital provides food the mum. Mum and baby are both patients, both are fed. Whats wrong with that?
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Generally when I’m in hospital I like to enjoy a particular drink which the hospital doesn’t provide. Therefore I have to go out and buy the drink myself. I also send my family and friends out to buy the food I like, or at least something that isn’t horrid melted cups or icecream and bland soggy sandwiches (lets not forget the tepid cups of tea). In fact I don’t recall any decent food being served up in hospital. Worse than economy aeroplane food.
Likewise if you want to bottle feed your child, your choice, not medically required (and by medically required I mean milk not coming in, breast refusal, etc), go out and buy it yourself, like I had to buy the food I wanted myself. You’ll have to buy the formula when you get home anyway, take control.
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I know so many women who have just breastfed in hospital “to keep the midwives happy”, then whacked in the formula the minute they were home. Locking it up is outrageous as is judgement hurled at women about their choices.
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It took me a while to get it happening right, and it was longer than the time in hospital. It did hurt sometimes at first, but I’d rather breastfeed and wean gradually than stop when you get home from hospital – I imagine the pain would be awful, knowing how full my boobs were in those first days and weeks. I don’t get not at least giving it a decent go. It is cheaper, easier and good for both Mum and Bub. If it doesn’t work out, no dramas, but at least try properly.
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I have a nine month old son. He was born 11 pounds via emergency csect. He was one hungry little guy and didnt have hardly anything to latch on to which made feeding almost impossible. For days i was encouraged to use dropper, syringe, cup etc so he could get breastmilk all while trying to get him to latch on as well. Finally a lactation consultant recommended expressing and giving him a bottle with a top up of formular. This helped a lot but was made to feel very guilty when i gave him the formular. I continued to express around the clock as well as feeding every two hours. Two weeks after leaving hospital my csect wound came open. When i was admitted to hospital they still were pressuring me to breastfeed, even though lactation consultants also said it wasn’t possible even with nipple shields. It was so disheartning especially as i was expressing so he could still get breast milk. Six weeks later after I was forced to give up expressing as milk dried up and it was also taking so much precious time away from bub. Looking back i felt so guilty about being unable to feed and felt so much pressure. When i have my next baby there is no way that i will feel pressured into expressing/feeding like i was this time. I will be packing my formular and doing whats best for bub and I . Seeing my healthy happy 11 kg nine month old makes me realise that formular didnt do him any harm.
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When my first was born, I struggled with breastfeeding, and lasted a week before switching to formula. I’m very glad we did, as I suffered from (undiagnosed) post natal depression for most of the first year of his life, and formula feeding certainly made things a little easier. I’m sure that what felt like my inability to breastfeed contributed to the PND, but I also wonder now if it was PND which affected the ability to breastfeed…
Either way, the attitudes of some of the midwives really didn’t help the situation at all, and I felt as though I was being condemned for my decision.
With our second, I breastfed full time for about 7 weeks, and part-time for 4 months, but the supply was never wonderful, and she didn’t put on weight the way she was supposed to, so we went with formula full-time in the end.
I appreciate that they’re trying to promote the healthiest option for babies, but those first days post-birth can leave women feeling so vulnerable, and the last thing they need is to be made to feel like a monster for trying to feed their baby the way that works best for them. As several people have since said to me, ‘you need to do what works best for baby AND mum’, and surely families should have the right to decide for themselves.
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Controversially, I think its actually OK to choose not to breastfeed. I breastfed both of mine, (and one was a premmie), and I am amazed at the amount of propaganda that surrounded me in hospital, and the judgement reserved for those that don’t breastfeed. What I don’t get is why midwives, the mayor of NY or any one else would think that this kind of ‘formula bashing’ will help their cause. Parents aren’t going to change the way they feed their child simply because you express, (usually very loudly), a different opinion on the subject. Being rude, condescending or dismissive rarely motivates someone to change their way of thinking. People know the facts. They just don’t agree with the sentiment that breastfeeding is the only way to feed their child, or that formula does any damage whatsoever. Get over it and look after your own kids.
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and also, how is locking up formula ‘baby friendly?’ Does that mean mother’s that formula feed are unfriendly to their children?
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After reading all these comments I just want to congratulate Cabrini Hospital in Melbourne who gave me the tools that I needed to breastfeed and when they saw that I was struggling and had barely any milk, taught me everything that I needed to know in order to feed my baby formula. Thanks to them I persevered with breastfeeding for 8 weeks while comp’ing with formula until I knew for sure that I really didn’t have enough milk to feed my baby. They never made me feel gulity, never questioned my choices and answered every question I had without judgment. Thank you!
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After hearing all of these bad experiences I feel compelled to say a massive thanks to the team at the Sydney Southwest Private Hospital in 2000. I had such a great experience, I wish everyone could have the same. I even got a good baby! (which unfortunately lulled me into a false sense of security and competence for my nightmare 2nd child!!)
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I hate the breast feeding attitude in hospital just had my second and Ive never had any breast feeding problems, never planned on doing anything else because Im just to lazy not to mentioned worried that when Im half asleep in the middle of night I might feed my baby the sauce bootle. But the hospital attitude! even saying I had fed my first for 16 months wasnt enough to get some of the nurses to drop the attitude. Dont think it is only a female issue thought the best midwife for breast feeding advice I had was a man and all the other midwifes called him the breastfeeding guru.
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I had the same experience. I breastfed my first baby for months with no problems. After my second baby was born I was happily breastfeeding her, I was happy and she was happy. That didn’t stop midwives coming in and demanding that I feed her in front of them so that they could see I was doing it properly. One midwife said ‘excellent technique’ and then left. The next midwife to come in told me off for doing it wrong! Apparently I wasn’t latching her on correctly? Most of the midwives are great but some of them are shockers, I’m guessing working night shift probably isn’t helping their moods.
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I would suggest that any mother who experiences any of the many instances related on here and in Bec’s post, gives feedback to the hospital. Write a formal complaint.Outline every instance that you were made to feel inadequate/bullied etc. Name names if you can.
Honestly, going home and saying nothing will mean that nothing changes. But if the hospital gets a continual stream of complaints from distressed mothers then they will have to review their methods.
It’s quite sad that we tolerate (and seemingly accept) this treatment. If we were similarly treated in just about any other situation we’d most likely stand our ground and demand our rights.
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A lot of the comments below mention the inability to breastfeed, or to exclusively breastfeed, for many different reasons. My question is, what did mothers do in these situations before the advent of baby formula?
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Fortunately these days infant mortality is not as high as it used to be but in the bad old days babies did die from malnutrition and ‘failure to thrive’ in high numbers.
If you couldn’t breast feed and you didn’t have a wet nurse or someone to express for you quite often your baby would not make it.
Fortunately we now have a solution for that….formula.
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Not quite true…babies were fed on cow’s or goat’s milk from birth too. My aunty was.
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From wikipedia – Throughout history, mothers who could not breastfeed their babies employed a wet nurse[7] or, less frequently, prepared food for their babies, a process known as “dry nursing”.
My mother in law also had too much milk and the midwives ‘milked’ her (her term not mine) in hospital and gave her breast milk to other mothers that couldn’t feed. And that is only going back as far as the seventies.
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I think they called it “wet nurses”
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Before formula was readily available it was common to give babies any other form of milk (cows, goats etc) or the tinned stuff (can’t remember the name, not condensed milk but in similar packaging… not sweet though). None of these options are nutritionally complete for a growing baby. Formula gets alot of bad press but it has certainly improved/saved the lives of many babies!
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My mother in law used carnation milk
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As others have noted, wet nurses. If these were not available, people would concoct all kinds of varietions of water and goats milk or cow’s milk. In industrialised areas, women would use condensed milk (watered down). Babies were also fed various grouls, including those made up of water and crushed up arrowroot biscuits. In Australia, babies who did not thrive were sometimes given “meat juice” which i think is the blood from meat.
Unsurprisingly, many of these babies died. In Brisbane at the turn of the century, over half of babies who were not breastfeed would not survive the first year of life.
While I am pro-breastfeeding, I also recognise that formula – literally – does save lives.
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As others have said babies were fed cow’s milk. Or goat’s milk. Or any available milk. Or fed by another woman. Or fed bread or oats or biscuits softened in water. Or sometimes died from starvation or malnutrition if any of these were not possible or successful. And solids were started at a couple of weeks old.
My grandmother had 13 pregnancies, 10 of which resulted in live children. After being pregnant and breastfeeding for over 15 years she decided to bottle feed the last four from birth with cow’s milk. Formula was available in the cities (it’s been around for over 100 years) but she lived in the country in a remote area so couldn’t access it. All four of her last babies are successful teachers/writers/lawyers and totally 100% healthy and sane!
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Not likely. They would have been at the very least severely anemic.
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i doubt that. As I said, solids were started very early then and they were farmers so they would have had many iron-rich food sources. But why I am I bothering? Clearly you already know everything!
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Wet nurse – are you trying to make a point?
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Thanks all for your responses. Not sure how long baby formula has been around but pretty sure that in the big scheme of things it probably hasn’t been that long.
Was simply curios, ‘Ok then…’, is that ok?
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As if the days following birth and the months after that aren’t already difficult enough, the underlying message associated with locking up formula is both offensive and over the top. Locking formula away in the manner described above attributes to it the same level of danger as medications such as Valium and Oxycontin. This is absurd.
As someone who was lucky enough to be able to breastfeed (with the aid of nipple shields for 6 months which my MCHN had issue enough with) for 14 months I am very aware of the wonderful ease and bond it provides. As someone who has also witnessed my very close friends breaking down and verging on depression because of the guilt they felt at finding the process too difficult, had supply problems or didn’t enjoy it, I find it truly unbelievable that the hospitals agreeing to this practice are further alienating an already fragile and emotionally exhausted group of mothers.
One of the underpinning principles of being a nurse or midwife is providing person-centered care and abstaining from applying our morals, values and culture to the patients we care for. Clearly, this principle is being swept aside in this practice.
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I tried to breastfeed my baby, but my “factory” couldn’t keep up with demand. The midwives at the hospital weren’t in favor of formula feeding my baby to supplement breast milk…..at one point I was given a syringe to feed, being told a bottle with a teat was inappropriate. I was also “told off” for expressing and then giving my baby the expressed milk in a bottle!
Maternal nurses that I have come across have not been much better. I’ve been told that I need to increase my breast milk and reduce the formula.
My baby is now 100% formula fed. In fact, compared to the babies in my mothers group, who are all breast fed, my baby has consistently put on weight….a few of the babies have minor if any weight gains on a weekly basis.
Not everyone finds breastfeeding an easy thing to do….midwives need to be more supportive of choice.
As long as a baby is being fed and is healthy, it does not matter whether they are breast or formula fed.
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As a student midwife I have witnessed that not all midwives are as lovely and supportive as they should be during the very sensitive post natal period. That said having to sign a form and having another midwife check the formula all have their reason for being implemented. Imagine if you had expressed breast milk for your baby and they were fed formula by mistake. Also the ‘lectures’ do have their place, last week I was speaking to a woman who was convinced she wouldn’t be able to breastfeed because her mother and sister struggled. She thought it ran in families like breast cancer. Bullying however, is not ok in any environment and if midwives are serious about increasing the currently very low rates of exclusive breastfeeding they should be focusing on supporting and building relationships with pregnant women and new mothers.
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Absolutely you should check you are giving the formula/EBM to the right mother and baby, the same as you check any medications you dispense as a nurse following the 6 rights. But to attribute it the same level of checking process as a S8 or S11 medication is unnecessary.
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Yes, I agree that is excessive. There is no mention of doing this in Australia and I was referring to Australian policy as I am not sure of the details of the ny policy. Is it simply under lock and key for cost measures to prevent too much being taken?
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I thought similar, if they leave it where it’s widely accessible it probably gets stolen. Anything that isn’t bolted to the wall in a hospital gets stolen, I don’t think formula would be any different.
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When is this argument going to stop? Yes, we ALL know breast is best. However, WHO is looking out for the poor, poor women that develop PND as a result of worrying more about being a “good” mother that perseveres with breastfeeding a crying, hungry, sleepless, purple in the face baby. I have witnessed a number of women in such circumstances, absolutely petrified by the thought of feed time and holding their precious bundle like it was about to kill them. Bonding did NOT occur until formula feeds were introduced, and both mother AND baby were satisfied and rested. I breastfed both of my children with ease. I was lucky, as they both attached well from the beginning, but I did have bottles (and dummies) in my labour bag ready to go. Bec, you are right. Baby formula IS NOT crystal meth. Thank you for this article.
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When is this argument going to stop? Yes, we ALL know breast is best. However, WHO is looking out for the poor, poor women that develop PND as a result of worrying more about being a “good” mother that perseveres with breastfeeding a crying, hungry, sleepless, purple in the face baby. I have witnessed a number of women in such circumstances, absolutely petrified by the thought of feed time and holding their precious bundle like it was about to kill them. Bonding did NOT occur until formula feeds were introduced, and both mother AND baby were satisfied and rested. I breastfed both of my children with ease. I was lucky, as they both attached well from the beginning, but I did have bottles (and dummies) in my labour bag ready to go. Bec, you are right. Baby formula IS NOT crystal meth. Thank you for this article.
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Well said M!!! I am one of those mothers you just described (perfectly might I add)! It wasn’t until we started filling my daughters poor hungry tummy with some formula that we all started to get along and bond – it was honestly the hardest, most challenging, depressing time I have ever experienced. Thankfully, I was well supported by nurses at Tresillian in the decision to formula feed, and they made me feel like I was doing what was best for not only my little girl, but for myself and my husband (and our incredibly strained relationship!!). Yes, breast is best (nutritionally etc etc etc) but when a mum can’t stand the sight of her beautiful baby and would rather not feed it at all than to go through breastfeeding hell, then I think formula absolutely has its place in the world!!! Baby formula is such a wonderful lifesaver for so many families out there and I hate to think about the incredible numbers of women who will suffer unecessary PND through lack of support in tough feeding times – locking it up is only going to cause more heated debates and saddened new mums!
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Mothers should be able to make informed decisions about how to feed their baby. Locking formula away probably won’t prevent women who are intent on formula feeding from accessing formula.
I have relatives in the US who have chosen not to breastfeed for a multitude of reasons but the primary reason was that they would have to return to work 6 weeks after giving birth, when you are probably just getting a hang of breasfteeding (despite it being “natural” it is a learned skill and is incredibly challenging). Perhaps having access to a decent period of maternity leave would help increase rates of breastfeeding.
As for me, my first son was stillborn. When I was pregnant with my second child and I booked into my hospital (which is part of the Baby Friendly Health Initiative) I spoke at length with the managing midwife about my right to choose whether or not I would breasfteed and that I didn’t want any pressure from the nurses – particularly because I didn’t know what I would feel after giving birth to a healthy child. She totally understood where I was coming from and to be honest, I really didn’t feel any pressure. I was luckily able to breastfeed, my milk came in on day 3 and I breasfted my son until 17.5 months.
I’ve had friends whose milk didn’t come in and who were at hospitals that weren’t part of the Baby Friendly Health Initiative. These friends did actually feel incredible pressure and had milk denied from their child. It’s one thing to have to have the milk signed out but it is another to be told that you can’t feed your child.
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There never seems to be any mention of combination feeding, using both breastfeeding and formula. I believe it is well known in the UK (don’t quote me there, just going on friends who live there) and I know I did this to an extent with my first baby. She was breastfed or had expressed milk and sometimes had formula if the expressed milk was gone. My husband was keen to help out and do the 11 o’clock feed over the weekend so I could actually sleep more than two hours. No problems.
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The exclusive breastfeeding brigade have no time for this sort of blasphemous talk!
We did it with our little one….read about it in the Baby Whisperer book. Found it was a great way for my partner to share the feeds through the night. It worked great for the first few weeks until I had to give up breast feeding due to incompatibility with medication I was prescribed.
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We did mixed feeding out of necessity, I had PND & severe insomnia. I slept an average of 3hrs out of every 24 for the first 9 days of our daughter’s life until I was voluntarily hospitalised to get help at a mother & baby unit for post natal disorders. I needed to be medicated to sleep. After trying to express in between feeds so she wouldn’t need to be topped up with formula (I was adamant I wanted to solely breastfeed if I could) I wasn’t getting enough rest for my mental state to improve. I accepted that she needed to have formula at night & that I could breast feed during the day. It worked brilliantly for us.
When we returned home my husband did the night feeds by bottle so I could stay on my medications. When I did need to express if I was going out etc she was already used to the bottle & accepted breast milk delivered in a bottle too. We were lucky there.
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first time commentor….
I too agree with the examples provided above. I was a first time mother and was given the message that breast is best etc. However, I left hospital with a new born baby not really feeling confident about breastfeeding. The hospital midwives provided so many different methods in which to breastfeed that I was confused.
I would consider myself a confident and independent person and am usually the one whom others lean on. However, the emotional rollercoaster road I experienced after leaving hospital was incredible.
During my first 2 days at home, I desperately tried to breastfeed my child. The council mother/child worker whom visited me three times, not once suggested a bottle or formula when she noted I was struggling to breastfeed, but insisted I keep breastfeeding, and use syringes, spoons to get breastmilk into my baby. A bottle was a big “no, no”.
3 days after leaving hospital, I returned to hospital for an all-day “breastfeeding clinic” to solve my problem of not being able to breastfeed my baby. As my baby’s weight had dropped considerably, a paediatrician examined my baby. I never forgot that it took him less than 2mins to conclude that my baby was dehydrated and starving and could a nurse please feed the baby some formula…
At that moment I felt sick that my baby was starving and that I was at fault. But once my baby had a bottle with formula and I had slept, I was relieved that someone had stated the obvious and I could then conclude that breastfeeding was not working and goddamit, I was going to feed my baby formula.
I became angry at the people whom i considered experts in child health not assisting me and suggesting the formula. I now look back on the experience, and liken it to being bullied into breastfeeding.
I subsequently gained back my confidence and became empowered to take control and stand up to midwives, child nurses and other people and tell them that I was going to feed my child formula.
I now have two beautiful girls whom I love to bits. My second child was formula fed from the begining, and maybe if my experience with my first baby was different I may have tried to breastfeed. But, I will never forget the doctor stating my child was starving….
I am neither pro formula or breast, and yes I have seen the studies reporting breast is best. But there are also studies reporting that formula is also an acceptable replacement for breastmilk. Overall, what I do expect is that mothers are supported in their choice and never bullied or forced into breastfeeding.
My message to friends about my experience whenever asked, is that it is OK if breastfeeding does not work. The most important thing a mother can do is to care for their child whether it be with breastmilk, or formula.
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Welcome Milby. You lost your comment virginity!
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Very well said. I agree whole heartedly.
Just something else to consider- There are often psychological and emotional reasons that women may have trouble breast feeding. Spare a thought for women with PTSD who have been sexually assaulted in the past and can find breast feeding triggering. While this might not be common I do know women who suffer from this. So can you imagine what it would be like to then be berated for not breast feeding? Ugh.
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Not that I am comparing my experience to the scale and depth of trauma of a sexual assault but thanks to the horrible bullying I experienced from the midwives during the hospital stays for my first 2 kids (2 different hospitals, 2 different states), the thought of being stuck in hospital with kid 3 gives me strong anxiety and fear and I am not even in there yet (5 weeks to go). This fear and stress basically inhibits the entire process.
I tried to organize to have my private lactation consultant visit me in hospital but she says she is not allowed. Her advice is to go for early discharge but with my medical issues, it takes about 3 days for me and baby to stabilize sufficiently.
The constant interruptions, the mix of advice, the nurses standing over you as you feed telling you that you haven’t fed well enough, the threat of formula if you don’t get it together, the exhaustion of being chained to the breast pump when you’ve just given birth….giving birth doesn’t worry me at all. It’s the 3 days of exhausting hell afterwards on the maternity ward.
And I successfully breast fed the first 2 for 17 and 21 months respectively…
I love the idea of a peaceful and restful hospital stay where I get to physically recover and bond with my new baby and bask in the joy of a new child but I know the reality is exhausting and stressful and basically sucks. At least this time we are anticipating doing all that nice stuff when we get home….
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That sounds horrible. Your experience is part of what I am talking about. I think women are constantly bombarded with this image that having a baby is meant to be a wonderful and joyous experience when in reality it can be a time that is fraught with anxiety. Giving birth is a very taxing physical experience and that can be further compounded by trying to breast feed.
I think more thought needs to be given to the care of mothers from a emotional and psychological perspective. I understand the focus on the baby but their mothers are human beings who are also just and precious and valuable and in caring for the baby we need to ensure we are not neglecting the mother.
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the hospital we had our daughter in had these do not disturb signs we could put on the door. i thought it was just for visitors and food services..but it actually meant that the midwives (as well as others) wouldnt come in unless we buzzed for them…so we got the peace and quiet we needed to figure things out for ourselves a bit and only called for help when we knew the midwives we had seen around (and liked) were on.
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DanikaJaye, I just wanted to thank you so much for writing your comment. I have never heard anyone acknowledge PTSD after sexual abuse as a legitimate reason not to breastfeed. It is my reason.
My son is nearly two, going great and feeling fine, but for so long I was feeling like crap because I was ‘one of those awful mums who CHOOSE not to bf.
How dare I? (I heard this so many times in the hospital, before and after my baby was born, when I left the hospital and even today, people still think that its totally fine to call me a bad mum for not bf, all the while, i lie and say I couldn’t when I just didn’t.
Not only was I still feeling ashamed about the abuse, I was not feeling ashamed about not breastfeeding.
I just hope people know that there are so many reasons people have for making the decisions they do. you do not always know what someone has in their past or in their hearts. It means so much to me that someone bought this up.
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What a brave comment. Thank you for providing a perspective I had never considered.
Strength and love to you. Xxxx
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This is so, so utterly disturbing. As if, like many of the comments below say, not being able to breastfeed isn’t awful enough for a mother. Like I’ve said in a previous comment- I was 2 weeks late and my mum was under so much stress she couldn’t produce breast milk. It came eventually, too late though. In the meantime, my mum was bullied by the nurses and had to basically starve me before they gave her formula to feed me with. She says it was probably the most traumatic experience of her life, not being able to breastfeed me, and even now (I’m 22) talks about it with tears in her eyes. Women should NOT have to go through this, especially when it’s not their choise, and even if it is! Locking away formula?? This is just ridiculous. *End rant*
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I’ve spent almost a week prenatally on the mat ward this preg in Brisbane. A baby friendly hospital… Ive already witnessed the berating and belittling of the new mums by some of themiddys. Im sure they’renot LL bad but shite it was an eye opener… Not a nice one. They’re forced into a segregated room to bottle feed and some of tge things the midwives would say in the HALLS during handover where anyone couLd hear were appalling.
Not ALL, but a fair number… Sure makes me wonder how birth etc will be in 5 or so weeks…
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I was a brand marketing manager for baby formula for over 5 years, both here and overseas before I had children. I sat through hours and hours of research of mums talking about formula and breastfeeding. Talking about what they planned to do (or not do) and once they had the baby, talking about the guilt they felt if they couldn’t or chose not to breast feed. They also talked about how hard it was to get decent information about formula. They were basically told it was all the same (which is not true). It was heartbreaking for so many reasons, but as I was not yet a parent I truly did not understand just how hard it was for them.
After hearing all the stats and all the benefits, I went into my first birth with goals of 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months for breastfeeding. I had bottles and sterilisers at home just in case. I was lucky and breastfeeding my first came easily (despite the completely contradictory advice that was given to me at my baby friendly hospital). My 2nd was a completely different story. I was extremely determined to breast feed her as well, however received next to no help as the midwives seemed to assume that if I had done it before I would be fine. I asked and asked for assistance, booked into the lactation consultant at the hospital whilst I was still there (and was made to wait 2 hours after my appointment time as I was a 2nd time mum and not a priority). I left the hospital with bleeding nipples and spent the next 2 weeks with every feed agonizingly painful. I was very lucky to live in an area of Sydney that offered exceptional early childhood nursing facilities and received amazing help and support that enabled me to successfully feed for as long as I wanted.
If we are serious about increasing breast feeding rates, we need to look at giving more information about everything to do with feeding. If all midwives better understood formula and how and when to recommend it, mums may not feel so judged when a midwife tries to discuss the benefits of breastfeeding (and of course there are many, many fantastic midwives) in relation to formula. They may be able to encourage comp feeding or other strategies that support mums choice whilst giving them positive feedback during a very vulnerable time.
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I had the same experience as a second time mm in hospital. No one thought I needed BF help – although no one actually asked me whether I wanted any either. My first child was a BF nightmare and went on to formula a 12 weeks. The second child was born at 10am and not a single midwife came to see me until about 2.30pm. By then hubby and I had decided to give BF a go and it was much easier the second time. Latch was successful and colostrum came in. I got the most help though from a home visit by a community midwife who showed me the correct position for me to feed (large bust) and helped me for about 2 hours until I was comfortable. I breastfed until 7 months of age. Ni wish all women could have that 1:1 hel I got.
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I formula fed my son,didn’t even try to bf. I didn’t want my breasts to change thought they were for my hubby.i was very young. I didnt get any of the above I was asked I said no then got no help nothing from the midwives how much how often best brand sterilising nothing. On top of that I was given some pre packaged formula and 2 teats that I was to rinse with warm soapy water that’s all. No sterilising. For anyone thinking they might bottle feed take in your own or have someone to bring them in as well as sterilisation equipment. I left after one night and suffered for it. PND etc
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That is a terrible experience and I’m sorry you had to go through that. Just thought I’d mention though that sterilizing is no longer recommended as best practice. Research shows washing with warm soapy water or dishwashing is equally effective (and less time consuming!)
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Yes I have heard that warm soapy water is ‘enough’ but I still chose sterilising. Wasn’t that much work. Thanks for you reply
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I completely agree with this article, I have a 4 month old son and the situation I found myself in was the same as Bec’s, although my baby wasn’t premature I did have breast reduction surgery a few years earlier, so my milk seemed to take forever to arrive! Again, my child lost a fair amount of birth weight and all the medical staff agreed that formula top ups were the way to go. I was so blessed and fortunate to be in a hospital with fantastic midwives who did nothing but support me during this process. Even now, my breasts still aren’t producing the maximum amount needed so he continues to have formula top ups and all community health staff I come into contact with are still 100% supportive.
If there was any shame or guilt it was only from my own mind, telling me relentlessly that the breast is best, its the only good milk for my child, I am starving my child in favour of being selfish due to the surgery, etc, etc. Again, I had quality midwives surrounding me to let me know I was doing my best and that the blame game does not help, if anything the stress and anxiety was the last thing helping me build a good milk supply!
Whether its a personal choice or a necessary one, mothers should receive the same support and care that I did. I read about experiences like this and feel so fortunate that with my three children I have had nothing but positive midwives helping me to feed the best way I could manage.
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When I gave birth to my son my husband and I were given a “night out” by the hospital, which meant my husband and I went out (of the hospital) for dinner while our son was cared for by the nurses in the nursery.
I returned (probably less than an hour later) to find that the nurses had given him some formula, Being a first time mum I was so upset. Now I realise that he was hungry, I wasn’t there and it made NO difference to him at all.
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You are right. It probably made no difference in the long run, however I would have been furious for their taking that choice away from me. I understand why you were so upset and I think you had every right to be.
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I got over it very quickly. It was just as a first time mum (and perfectionist) I wanted to do everything “by the book”. The best thing I did was relax. If it didn’t hurt him then it was ok! I also trusted the nurses (I guessed this wasn’t the first baby they had cared for).
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I am so so so so so pro breastfeeding!!!!
I breastfed my child for 2.5 years….
It would be absolutely devastating if I could not breastfeed my next child, let alone, be taunted by the bullies!!!
OMG… Your baby was loosing weight..Um, what more do they want? Your baby to die???
I do think though, some woman convince themsleves they tried hard enough etc, but, simply just didn’t want to… Thats their choice, but, I just do not agree with not wanting to… At least do it for your babies…
BUT, on the other hand, if you sincerly gave it everything you can, than be proud that you did. Don’t let these bullies make you feel any different.
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I am pro breastfeeding too – if that is the mother’s, (and father’s), choice. But that’s the key word here isn’t it? Choice. That means even if YOU don’t agree with it a mother gives up breastfeeding because they ‘simply just didn’t want to.’ It is valid to CHOOSE not to breastfeed. After all, it’s not your body or your baby, so it isn’t your decision. I know you are trying to be supportive of formula feeding Mums but this is the type of comment that makes people feel uncomfortable.
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There are lots of choices in parenting that people make that others may consider they didnt try hard enough with before they took the path they chose. Its nobody elses business how they reached that decision or to rule on whether or not they tried hard enough. They are doing their best and nobody else is going to walk in their shoes for them. In my opinion a baby is better off with a happy relaxed bottle feeding mother than a stressed out anxious breastfeeding mother.
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Easy for a man to say. A man who will never have this experience in his life. What nasty, mean, ignorant behaviour
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I am so sad to read of women being bullied by billionaire dilettante, Michael Bloomberg, a man whose breastfeeding experience is zero, but even sadder to read that women are being bullied by other women. By not allowing us choice, we are being infantalised (“we know what is best for you dear”) and we are allowing this to happen so much now. There are many deep and diverse reasons why some women chose not to breastfeed and they may not feel like discussing them with a random midwife who is berating them for that choice.
Breast feeding is best for some mothers and babies for some it is months of pain and terror as they deal with mastitis, a continually crying, hungry baby, and the depression which follows those days with no sleep for you or for baby.
My two favorite breastfeeding stories are: a girl who could not breastfeed due to the fact that cancer had been detected during her pregnancy being berated by an agency nurse who had not bothered to read her notes and a mother who felt the need to get a letter from the oncologist who treated her own mother and grandmother for a rare form of breast cancer which, at the time, was linked to mothers feeding their daughters. (This was some years ago).
Our bodies, our choice. Our babies.
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Amen! We all know that breastfeeding is best. But we are sent home from hospital with a new baby and our milk is still not even ‘in’ – the baby usually sleeps well for the first few days, then, when we are at home having to fend for ourselves, we face reality. And there is no one to help us. The education part of the pro-breastfeeding movement has worked. We all know it’s best. But can we get a bit more help in learning how to do it please?
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“Could we just lose the attitude that seems to go along with it?”
Perfectly said. That’s all that needs to happen- a little more positivity. Encourage women to breastfeed but remember it’s up to them and the individual circumstances as to whether they do or not.
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I’m a midwife working in BFHI acredited hospital and I am absolutely irate that there is so much “attitude” being projected at new Mothers. Are you kidding me?! It is our job, it is outlied in every single set of competencies for every Midwife position in the world that we are to advocate and work WITH women and their families. This is providing education to assist women in making the best informed decision for them and their baby, not giving newly (mostly exhausted, overwhelmed) Mothers grief because they are not following a protocol they don’t know or care about. Argh! On behalf of all midwives – I apologise for the “attitude”!
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Hi Virginia!
What a lovely comment! Please know that I am a big fan of midwives … gosh, having a supportive midwife during your labour and hospital stay can just make the BIGGEST most positive impact on you. And I’ve met some amazing midwives during the births of my three children.
So on behalf of all the families (and babies) who have had you and your like-minded supportive colleagues assigned to them — THANK YOU! xxxx
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Here goes………for 11.5 years I have felt the guilt, shame and failure of not being able to breastfeed my first daughter successfully, a lot of this came from the midwifes in the public hospital where she was born. I went private for my next 2 – breastfed the second for 14 months, had no. 3, immediately went into pnd and no milk. The midwives at the private hospital were so supportive of me and whilst actively encouraging and helping me to breastfeed when I made the decision to ask for formula (or crystal meth…lol) they happily did so without the ‘you’re a bad mother’ routine. Did you know that if you have PCOS (like I do) that it hinders your supply? PND doesn’t help either. Am still feeling guilty after all these years that I ‘just didn’t try hard enough’. I am a bloody great mother and my 3 girls are gorgeous and healthy, and whilst I do believe breastfeeding is great, PLEASE don’t make new mums feel like crap beacuse they can’t.
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Oh Janelle, you need to let that go. You’ve said it yourself that you’re a great mum and your kids are healthy. There is nothing more to be said. No justification needed and no explaining to anyone. You made the right choice for your babies and that should be the end of the story.
Instead, be proud of being able to stand up for yourself and make a tough decision in a time of immense self doubt and pressure. You did well.
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Your experience Bec, could have been written by me – almost identical, except my son wasn’t prem, but born by caesar, and because my milk was slow to come in (and he lost 12% of his body weight), was told he had to have formula top-ups by the Paediatrician. Cue all the judgement, conflicting advice on feeding styles etc from midwives (not all, but some) – ended up in tears from guilt/ feeling useless most nights I was in hospital, and very very glad to get home. Even then, following a home visit from a midwife, and another weight loss, the paediatrician wanted us to be re-admitted! Luckily, a wonderful midwife and lactaction consultant was our advocate and fought for us to stay home where I had family support and was more comfortable (rather than being back on a ward where they didn’t have room left in maternity, so I would have been on the general ward with NO midwife support). Our little Bailey then put on weight and since then has never looked back. Managed to breastfeed to 8 months before he flatly refused (cue more feelings of guilt/rejection after feeding my first son happily to 17 months) and is now growing like a mushroom on solids and formula!
Breast is best, but it’s not for everyone for whatever reason and no one should be made to feel guilty for their own choices – happy baby = happy mumma…
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Both my babies needed a few formula feeds while in hospital, and I remember feeling very conflicted about it because somewhere along the line the “breast is beast” message transformed into “formula is EVIL”. Which it’s not – it’s 2nd best, and for some families, it’s best.
It’s such a shame that you were bullied by the midwife. Where does that sort of behaviour come from? I don’t understand it at all. I had a similar experience with a nurse who was taking a blood test for my daughter’s jaundice. She let out an outraged onslaught against my parenting skills, when I didn’t know the levels in the most recent test – the doctor had told me it was “fine”, so that’s all I remembered. She went on to tell me things like “If this was your car, you would have ASKED the mechanic the levels, so why didn’t you ASK the doctor??”, “this is your baby, you have to do BETTER” etc. This was the morning of day 3, and I cried all day. Absolutely shocking behaviour from her, and as a new mum with bleeding nipples, stitches in my bum, and a baby who was shrinking, I was too vulnerable to stand up for myself, or make a complaint. And now, 5.5 years later it still riles me.
(Having said that, most midwives, doctors and nurses who I have dealt with have been hugely helpful and supportive.)
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LOVE this comment! I BF both my babies, and I love that you wrote ” it’s 2nd best, and for some families, it’s best.”
Feminazis – We get it. Breastfeeding is great, it has a million benefits, but it isn’t ‘best’ for everyone. There are other things to consider, like getting sleep. And father’s bonding with their children through feeding. And having the occasional night out without racing home to feed.
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I am 100% all for breastfeeding and am disappointed if I hear of a new mum not giving it a go. But know first hand how difficult it can be (very low milk supply, first baby had to switch feed, then express after every feed. Eventually got there but wasn’t able to do such a rigourous program with bub #2). I struggled and persevered with breastfeeding with number #2 but had no choice but to top up with formula. My milk then dried up when she was 5 months old. I was upset about it for a long time afterwards, but she is nearly 4yo now and is thriving.I have to say the baby health clinic I went to was great. The nurses there were pro-breastfeeding but when there were problems they were philosophical about it not being worth the stress (as Donna m has pointed out) and changing to formula. It is not the end of the world!!! I remember I went to a fish shop with Bub #2 when she was only a couple of months old. An older lady served me and asked if I was breastfeeding. I told her half and half. She gave me a lecture about babies needing to be breastfed. It was all I could do to not burst into tears on the spot. Needless to say I have not set foot in that shop again.
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I work in a hospital. (non maternity) and people seem to steal anything that is not nailed down or in a locked cupboard..
I believe that mothers should be encouraged to breast feed, however if milk has not come in or in low supply then please give them something to eat (formula), without shaming the mothers. Poor bubba
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I remember when I had my second baby – a big healthy boy of 4.5kg! He would not stop crying, even though I was pretty much feeding him constantly etc. The Drs sent him off for tests etc to see what the problem was – nothing was showing up. Finally on night 3, a contract midwife popped inabout midnight to see if I needed any help, took my baby boy, sniffed his mouth and said quietly to me, “Darling your little boy is so dehydrated. Your true milk hasn’t kicked in and what you have isn’t enough for a big boy like this. Would you like me to make up a small amount of formula to tide him over until your milk comes in?” She was my saviour – he drank and drank and drank and slept right through the night. That nurse gave me a big hug, back rub and said, “I know I’m not supposed to encourage formula here, but, you’re not a bad mother for using formula, you’re a good mother for putting your baby’s needs ahead of “breast is best” I will be forever thankful that nurse walked into my room that night. I am all for the breastfeed… much easier to me than all the sterilising, heating, and expense of formula. However, I was a lucky one who didn’t have any issues feeding once my milk kicked in, but I certainly have never nor would ever make any mother feel bad for giving their baby formula (as several of my girlfriends did for various reasons). Each to their own and NO-ONE has the right to chose for you
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Midwives like that are enough to make us believe in guardian angels!
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That story just brought tears to my eyes. How lovely.
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Bec, your articles are thoughtful and logical, and make people feel good about their choices – whichever ones they make. Thanks for injecting some gentle common sense into this subject.
Also, it would really help for women to know that not everyone’s milk comes in in two to three days. This is a major part of the expectation and pressure around breastfeeding.
For example, it seems to take about two weeks for my supply to establish properly…and it took three babies, and a lot of patience and persistence to work that out! Plus the fact my mum was told she had no milk and to use formula after a few days – so it’s likely it was the same for her and they were just a little quicker to suggest a full switch to formula back then.
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I gave birth to my son ten days early after being diagnosed with pre eclampsia, exhausting delivery, fear from the complications and insanely high blood pressure all left me feeling very overwhelmed. I wanted to breastfeed but wasnt super passionate about it – if it worked it worked, but I did want it to work. Because of the type of delivery and the pre eclampsia my son struggled to latch on and suck properly. Every time I tried to feed him every midwife (and all lactation consultants) would say lets try formula. I persisted and we eventually got there. However I had four midwives offering me formula and all four trying to teach me a different way of breastfeeding. I couldnt wait to get home and get advice from my mum. This is the frustrating thing that when in hospital EVERYBODY is a bloody expert and whether they are right or wrong, its your child – so you are the expert!
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