by KATE HUNTER
It’s that time of year when we mums put aside petty differences and first world problems to think about what’s really important: like making sure our child gets the best teacher in the school and is not separated from her friends.
But school principals can be real arsehats these days, can’t they? Some of them just don’t get it; and even though you gave her that jumbo box of Ferrero Rocher at Easter, you’re not feeling confident are you?
Who knows what class your child will end up in? What if she’s separated from her BFF? It’s not the end of the world, but it could be the start of a slippery slope towards it. She could become friends with anyone! It takes all types, but that doesn’t mean you have to go to their parties.
So here’s early an Christmas present. Just copy and paste into a word document and adjust to suit:
Dear [Insert princpal’s name],
Just a quick note to say a heartfelt thank you for what has been an excellent year academically, socially and on the sports field for our [insert your child’s first name]. It’s been a joy to watch her flourish as she has. The nurturing school environment you’ve created has been exactly what she’s needed.
[Insert principal’s first name only], you know I’m rarely one to make a fuss, or question your decisions – frankly I’m too busy with tuck-shop, running the craft stall at the fete and the P&C sausage sizzle on election day – but I feel compelled to ask that you take a few things into consideration when drawing up the class lists for 2013.
i) I know everyone thinks their child is gifted. And no doubt they are all gifted in something. But (without being boastful), we believe [Insert your child’s first name] to be more gifted than her contemporaries in most areas. I realise her NAPLAN didn’t entirely reflect that, but it’s well known that [Insert Year 3 teacher’s name], while being a wonderful person, did not prepare the class adequately for the test. It’s ridiculous to believe that [Insert your child’s first name] is below average in comprehension when she read the entire Twilight series unassisted at age eight.
It would be great if [insert your child’s first name] could be in [insert preferred teacher’s name]’s class for Year 4 as [insert Year 4 teacher’s first name only] is well known for fostering measurable academic results and welcoming parental feedback. Sadly, [insert Year 3 teacher’s name] was not so receptive to constructive comments.
ii) [Insert your child’s first name] is a confident, sociable girl, but like many gifted people, she’s also extremely sensitive. It would be a shame if her enjoyment of school life next year was adversely affected by being separated from [insert best friend’s name]. They have been close since kindergarten and are a tremendous support for each other and although I’m the last person to make a big deal of these things, I think keeping them together is optimal. That [insert best friend’s mother’s name] and I are dear friends is also relevant. It makes school life more convenient for both families, giving us more time to assist with reading rosters, attend assemblies etc. A small point perhaps, but I feel it is one worth mentioning.
iii) Being an involved parent, I like to know what’s going on in the classroom on a day-to-day basis. [Insert your child’s first name], being an articulate, insightful girl has told me of troubling behaviours from particular students I’d prefer her not to be exposed to next year. I realise some of these children have unstable homes and/or learning difficulties, but I would like [insert names of undesirable students] to be in a class other than [insert your child’s first name]’s. If this isn’t possible, could you let [preferred teacher] know to seat them apart from [insert your child’s name], as she finds them distracting and it would be a pity if her learning was compromised.
[Insert principal’s first name], you have so much on your plate at this frantic time of year – signing reports, organising classroom clean-ups and attending Christmas concerts before your lovely long holiday; but it would be a weight off my mind to know that [insert your child’s first name]’s teacher and class is settled for next year.
I realise you don’t release the lists until the final week of term, but an assurance from you that all will be well would be much appreciated. Of course, I wouldn’t breathe a word to anyone. I know how uptight some parents can be! [Insert smiley face or similar emoticon.]
Happy Christmas,
[Insert your name]
Have you ever questioned the class your child was placed in or the teacher they were assigned? How did you approach the subject?








Comments
255 Comments so far
I think I may be the only mother in my daughters class that has not made a request about next year. Lately I have been wondering if I am a bad mother beacause of this and the fact that I refuse to chat to the teacher everytime there is a squabble amongst her friends like every one else seems to ….But I am pretty sure that and I may be biased
that my daughter is the most easy going girl in her class…
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Oh no, you’re the one we love! Not a bad parent, the others are “bad”!!
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Agree with Bree!
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Hilarious letter and I know parents just like this!
No worries with teachers here really, but just had to comment on how frightfully accurate that letter was. Had a good laugh! The letter is written is jest, as quite often many people will talk about child’s former/current teacher just like that. Don’t take it too seriously. Just take it as a comment of what is out there.
I still remember one parent at my child’s kindy who said “My child is so advanced I don’t know what we’re going to do with him” as we all sat and watched him a read a book to his kindy teacher with his mother looking dotingly on. Her child was more special than our’s as well, which we were told on numerous occasions. I had to wonder several times she was serious. She was.
But thank’s for that laugh this morning
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P.S: And darn autocorrect. I do know how to spell “thanks”
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can I just say it’s ‘damn’ not ‘dam’ too.
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it’s damn, not dam.
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I’d written “darn not dam – look closely. d-a-r-n”.
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As a teacher and a parent, this is HILARIOUS! Wonder how many versions of this will land on teachers desks in the next few weeks…
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My daughter is in Kindy this year, and so very excited about being a big Year 1 girl next year…. I had no idea that parents approached the school with requests like this. Clearly I am new to this game. When my daughter was at pre school they taught the kids.. you get what you get and you don’t get upset….. I think thats the motto i’m going with!
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Can’t remember most of my teachers from primary school, can’t remember whether or not I was with my friends in a particular year. In fact, I barely remember primary school at all. I can safely say it will have close to zero impact on their future. If your child is destined to be a neuroscientist, I highly doubt one less than “ideal” teacher in grade 2 is going to throw them off course
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My grade 4 teacher was the biggest bitch in the history of teaching (I hope). A bully who played favourites and thick as a brick. Having her probably taught me more about living and coping in the real world than anything else in my life.
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After one full year with a particular teacher, he still did not know my name when it came to the end of the school year.
Clearly, his teaching skills had zero impact on me. But what if and maybe? Many a life has turned on one single, significant interaction.
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I had one amazing primary school teacher that I can honestly say that I would not be where I am now without his input. He specialised in teaching maths. I wish I knew what happened to him. I still remember some of his lessons.
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Well then, as a Grade 4 teacher, I’ll stop bothering trying to teach my kids to read and write, and add, and research, and design, and i’ll put my feet up and do nil, as my job has zero impact. Thanks.
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Wow. That was a bit harsh, The writer was simply saying that one lousy teacher for one year isn’t the end of the world. Everyone has a lousy teacher at some point – we just have to hope that everyone also gets an excellent and inspiring one at some point too!
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Yes. As a child who grew up to be a neuroscientist I can vouch that primary school teachers – good, bad and ugly – made little difference to my career path
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Totally agree!
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What! I didnt even know this was an issue! I dont think it would have crossed my parent’s mind to have a say about the class i was put in! They’re kids, they will make new friends you know!
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Am I the only one bothered by the fact that this letter is demeaning to the year 3 teacher? And Mamamia is asking you to copy it?!?!?! I get that it is not completely serious but in this day and age where teachers have a hard enough time as it is and bullying is as bad as it is, shouldn’t we be standing behind our teachers???? Typical of this day and age, NOTHING is the childs fault!!
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Tngue in cheek my friend. I don’t think MM is actually encouraging anyone to really use this.
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I think teachers have a sense of humour too. I doubt any would be offended at this article.
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I think its a tongue in cheek dig at every problem with some peoples children is deemed the teachers fault…or the schools fault….
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Yes I think you are…
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I’m a teacher and I think it’s funny
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This is hilarious and so true.
In Year 4, my son desperately wanted to be in the class with a male teacher but instead was placed with a female teacher who not popular with the kids or parents . I bit my tongue, said nothing and decided on a wait and see approach. At the end of the year, my son said to me “mum, can I buy Mrs X a Christmas gift because she was the best teacher I have ever had”. He absolutely thrived under her.
And in Year 3, he had a male teacher who another parent actually complained to the principal about but my son thought he was great.
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When enrolling my nephews at big school, my sister requested they be put in different classes – she wanted them to be independent as speaking from her own experience as a twin, she was the one who looked after everything, and as the boys were getting into those roles, she wanted to stop it being an issue.
One of them had “the meanest teacher” last year, ah well, suck it up. My niece, like your son, had a male teacher and was NOT happy because “boys don’t make good teachers, ladies do”, and ended up adoring him.
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*SOB* I had no idea that this is the kind of thing lying in wait for my future self
Luckily, I am GREAT at this kind of stuff! Thanks for the heads up Kate!
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I remember praying for anyone but miss McKenna in Year 2. In my kind she ws a giant monster because all my memories of her were of her telling her class to line up or screaming at misbehaving kids. I was so nervous and anxious about it, sitting in the quad, mouthing ‘please not her. Please not her’. As luck would have It I obviously did get her…and remember loving it!!! She was fabulous and I hugged her without fail every day. Perhaps it was my quest to please her..but I’m certainly not damaged. In year 5 and 6 I did no work but had the time of my life and still get teary thinking about it. I really hope no parents send out letters like this.. its primary school! Let them have fu n!! Unless ofcourse it’s a drastic problem. Some of my best memories were with interesting, fun and sometimes useless tteachers
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This time last year, my son’s primary Principal put it in the newsletter that if any parent had requests for classes for the following year they were to make an appointment to see her. With 800 students in the school I thought she was mad!
In the following weeks newsletter, her letter to parents advised that she was booked up for the rest of the year!
This year, she has stated in her newsletter that parents are to have faith in the principal and the teachers. No appointments allowed,
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Ummmm…. I wrote a letter very similar to this at the end of last year bar the bit about my child being a genius – that would have been stating the obvious.
My gorgeous daughter was placed in a class with all her friends (previously she had been separated from them because she was new to the school), and she was placed with a teacher that is held in very high esteem & has a wonderful reputation for preparing his students for high school.
Then, at the beginning of the 4th term he became ill & is now on leave for the rest of the year, so my cherub is now seeing out the school year with a pompous, stuck up, fresh out of uni, “I know it all” so & so!
I wonder what would have happened if I didn’t write that letter……
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My son is dyslexic and sadly the majority of teachers have no experience in teaching dyslexic children or understanding of the condition. Consequently we have to pay the equilvant in private school fees for him to have extra lessons/therapy that suit his learning needs. Yesterday afternoon I was told by his current yr 2teacher that there is no way that he should do these lessons/therapy next year because he has missed things she has been teaching (we are talking 2 hours a week). I pointed out to her that I thought it was more important that he master the alphabet – there’s no way he can learn much else until he can do that. So last night I had to write an email to my sons principal asking that he be placed in a class with a teacher who is going to be supportive. It’s so sad that a condition that is recognised as a disability by the Federal Government is hardly acknowledged, not funded and almost seen as an aside by the majority of educators. Sorry for the rant – just alot of anger in me today and this story struck to the bone.
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Me too. I’ve not enjoyed reading the comments either. I’m sorry for your dealings. My friend’s brother had/has dyslexia and was painfully shy but was also very, very intelligent. Something that would likely have been missed if not for his mother advocating on his behalf. He’s now a science researcher at a university. It’s very hard in such cases for teachers to spend the time with all kids to work all this out. I think it is a great thing to provide that sort of information. If a teacher rejects the extra information then it reflects on them poorly. I hope you can get a good result for him for next year.
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I completely understand your frustration and think it is wonderful that you are getting extra help for your child. I am a primary school teacher who has dyslexia and in my experience educators have a good understanding of dyslexia and other learning difficulties. To say that the majority of educators don’t have an understanding is very difficult to measure.
Does your school have a learning support teacher that you can talk to? I am not sure what other states are like but where I am, learning support teachers are the ones that advise teachers on how to support a child with dyslexia. Maybe even ask the principal how your child is being supported in the classroom.
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My son is dyslexic and when I spoke to the principal I was told because dyslexia is not on the list of disabilities that entitle students to extra help, he wouldn’t be getting any. He was supportive of me taking him to OT and Speech Pathologists in class time. My sons class teacher has been excellent and given my son lots of extra help, even helping him during his own lunch break.
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Wow. That is really sad. At the schools I have worked at any child can be on the learning support list if they are having difficulty.
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I’ve had the same response – we’ve spent $1000′s on private therapy and while his teacher is fabulous , very supportive and interested- the special ed coordinator doesn’t really want to know about it.
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you can add me and my smart, imaginative, empathetic (and dyslexic) son to this list. I too find the whole ‘gifted child’ thing a bit hard to swallow. I was identified as a ‘gifted child’, and despite the absence (in those days) of any special attention to my peculiarities, I eventually found my feet: largely because the system was already very much stacked in my favour. But I worry about where my son will end up when the education system is content to let him slip through the cracks unless he falls more than 2(!) years behind. I wish we could do more to help all children be the best they can be.
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Funny! But unfortunately Principal’s don’t draw up class lists – the classroom teachers do.
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Yes but principal must approve it. So they get the last say.
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Yes, as a primary teacher, we do draw up the classlists, however our Principal then changes it to suit what she thinks is best. So much so, I have no idea why we are asked to draw it up in the first place!
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Our principal draws up our lists, with teacher help, and using the forms each family fills in stating which kids would like to be with who etc. Parents aren’t “allowed” to ask for specific teachers, but many do, and on the flipside (and I’m guilty of this) I have written on the form and highlighted it “If any of my children are placed in Ms XXXX’s class, we will be unable to stay at the school” after a particularly horrid horrid nasty nasty (almost) year (I actually pulled one child out of school for last term because of the damage that witch was doing). Unfortunately it was the principal’s first year at the school, as well as this teacher’s first year, so he did what he needed and took teh teacher at face value. After all the complaints he got then (and many more since) only the kids whose parents don’t know, or don’t bother to write “Not to placed in Ms xxxxx class” on the form get thrown into her class. She’s tenured, and we can’t get rid of her, short of mirroring her bullying nastiness and forcing her into stress leave, but we (as parents) can’t quite bring ourselves to do it.
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This made me laugh out loud! As a teacher – I have had 5 parent meetings in the last week and a half – with requests for next year! I just smile and nod and try to fulfill their requests… and then promise myself I will not be like that when I have kids! Changing classes and teachers gives kids life skills. They learn to get along with different types of people and make new friendships.
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Totally agree it’s an important life skill for kids to change teachers, but when your child has already had a negative experience with a particular teacher and may be allocated to that teacher again (this time in grade six) I don’t think it’s a big ask to request someone different…
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Perhaps said teacher has already expressed a desire not to teach your child again? Their ‘request’ will certainly outweigh yours.
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You might surprise yourself. My parents never made teacher requests. It never occurred to them. They were not teachers. My mother in law, however, was a primary school teacher and is now an education researcher at a university. She made several requests for her kids. It would be hard to sit on your hands when you have professional insight.
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At my primary school we used to find out at the end of term 4 whose class we were going to be in the next year, I can remember being let go in group up to the front office where the lists were stapled on the walls. Except I always knew which class I’d be in, I’m not sure if it was the principal or our current teachers, by my mum made sure her first choice for our teachers was known, and she always got it, probably due to how involved she was in the school, and the fact that when I had a horrible kindy teacher she got me moved to another class in about 3 weeks (though even then the school seemed to know what she was like, at a school social event one day one of the teachers told my mother that they’d been taking bets in the staff room over how long it would take her to change me out of that class…)
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If we continue to ‘protect’ our children from troublesome classmates, teachers whom we don’t perceive as the best teachers or teachers who don’t adopt a particular teaching style that we see as the best, etc. we are setting them up for failure. We need to develop some RESILIENCE in these kids! It’s part of life! Think about your workplace … Do you agree with the way that your boss works and the decisions that they make? Do you get along with all of your work colleagues? Have you, perhaps, found a work colleague to be frustrating, annoying, trouble-making, lazy? We are faced with these scenarios everyday and we just have to learn to deal with it! Perhaps it is good for the development of our children to come across challenges early on in life so we’re equipping them for the future. Also, teachers are professionals. We should put our trust in them to make the best decisions they are able. As a teacher I can tell you that grouping students into classes for the next year is no easy task and much time and thought goes into this process.
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While I generally believe you need to understand you won’t get on with everyone and suck it up…
Alas, some professionals are so badly behaved (in any industry) you take a stand and say ” No – I will not subject anyone to this”.
“Trust me I’m a …..” doesn’t work for me in any career…
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Good point. I know someone who is a lecturer in Primary School education. She’s told me some very scary stories about the types of students she gets. I’m hoping the ones she tells me about are the ones that don’t pass her course….
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That was so funny and so close to the truth it’s not funny!
So glad I’m not the only mum out there that worries about these things (however ridiculous/protective/crazy/sane) they might be!
Thank you!!
xx
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My mum’s only request in primary school was that none of us be put with a certain teacher, because she felt he was a bully- he liked to play the kids in his class off against one another, and not in a good way. Otherwise she didn’t care whether we ended up in a 3 year composite (as I did more than once) or if socially we were sent to Siberia. She always got her way and none of us ever ended up in the guy’s class, but then again my mum used to give our teachers bottles of champagne as end of year christmas presents.
Oh, and your kid isn’t special needs then why on earth do you need to know the class list beforehand? No use giving people reason to angst all through the holidays.
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One of my friends, herself a teacher put in a request one year that her son (and mine, who was coincidentally his best mate) not be out in a certain teacher’s class. She was a known bully. To the point where she ended up being sacked, taken to civil court and some children awarded damages because of her treatment of them.
I hope that my grade 3 girl doesn’t get the same teacher for grade 4 (she will be taking grade 4 next year), but I’m prepared to let the cards fall where they may.
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Is there anything more vomit inducing than this type of mother ?
There is not a snowball’s chance in hell that you will ever convince her that the talented, beautiful, brilliant little darling is the dumbest, ugliest and more obnoxious little shit to ever walk the face of the planet.
Unfortunately, there are too many of these types around these days. They are everywhere. You know them personally, you bump into them randomly.
It has been my experience that the more talented, beautiful and brilliant the child actually is, the less the mother is inclined to boast. You will get the odd, “Katie topped the class in chemistry”…..and that’s it. Genuine pride in your child’s achievements never sound boastful.
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I really don’t get the whole having to be with a friend thing. One of my sons is extremely shy but as far as I am concerned that means he could do with the practise of making new friends.
I do think that it’s OK to ask to split up kids if there are issues though.
At our school there seems to be an awful lot of thought and time go into allocating classes so I would rather leave it to the teachers than make things more difficult for them.
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People! It’s ironic that on a school-related post, so many people can’t spell “principal”…
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Was thinking exactly the same thing!
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I remember my primary school teacher (who was also my principal because it was a 1 teacher school) use to say, “always remember, the principal is your ‘pal’.”
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I learnt how to spell Principal from a Judy Blume book. Infact I think I learnt more things in life from Judy Blume books and John Hughes films.
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Oh I know! I loved those poems to help you learn!
Anyone fond of the four, fourteen & forty one? I think that and the principle/principal one are my favourites.
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I cannot stand precious mothers, they think their child the most intelligent, the prettiest of best looking, the most academic. When their precious child is not excelling and doing 2 years above their classroom year level they complain and say they have a shocking teacher. Listen up. Your child is magnificent to you, not to everyone else. Most children are average the classroom, only a handful are gifted throughout a school. Stop blaming teachers when you child isnt excelling like you think they should. You child is probably just average in the classroom.
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Or the blame the school for not appreciating their childs genuis and pull the child out! The penny usually drops by school #3 that the child is simply average!
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God they are nightmares. I have met a family with 3 gifted children and you never hear the parents brag about them. They simply dont have to.It is simply quite obvious how advanced they are. It is a bit like money. When you have it, you dont brag. When you want people to think you have it, you brag.
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Well many parents of gifted kids can be nightmares. It’s rough for a kid to also deal with a parent that makes themselves unpopular by taking credit for their own kid’s achievements. Plus it’s not always obvious how smart someone is. The kid with a stutter, the slow to talk preschooler, the dyslexic kid that is very clever with maths but struggles to write out their working and gets the numbers written wrong, the creative artist one that does brilliant drawings but is colour blind. Honestly there are a lot of stereotypes of what type of person has a high IQ does or what sort of person they are. Like kids that struggle in the school system with low IQ, they’re not all the ‘dumb’ kids and those with high IQ are not all the ‘smart’ kids.
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Sorry Bec I disagree, you can tell when a child is gifted.
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We’re doing Prep transition at the moment where we have parent talks for an hour each Friday afternoon whilst our kids check out the classrooms and get to know the school. On the first day the Principal explained the system for deciding on classes and I’m ashamed to admit I didn’t realise so much went into it, especially for Prep. They meet with the kinder teacher, try to keep kids from the same kinder together, have each of next years Prep teachers watch the kids interact on their Friday afternoon sessions and then have numerous long meetings (on top of their normal teaching hours) to discuss and debate the best make up of each class based on their observations. To think after all of this work they have to deal with parents requests on top!
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We are doing the same thing with Prep transition. I don’t envy the kinder and prep teachers at all with this to sort out, such a hard job! I did have a laugh though when our Principal said that if parents requested their child be put in a class with a child/children from kinder, then the school always checks with kinder teacher to see if it’s a good idea! I’m almost certain my daughter’s kinder teacher would squash some of ideas parents have, and thank god!
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That is one of the funniest things I’ve read in ages! I grew up with a friend who had a father like that, he drove the teachers and principles mad (which I’m quite sure was taken into account every year
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My primary teacher husband explained the process of class selection to me just yesterday – I had no idea it could be so complex! There was so much taken into consideration (at his school and year level anyway) about which children worked well together, who suited which teacher’s style, and who really shouldn’t be together. It was actually quite fascinating.
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Yeah, my sister was telling me that they’ve kept her boys separated as per her request, but they’ve kept them with their best mates because they spur each other on and are really competitive with their school work.
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I have to admit I struggle to see it, because one of my girls gets put in classes with different kids every year.
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I and my kids were lucky enough to go to schools that only had one class of each grade, and so that meant that all the kids just moved up to the next teacher along, no fussing about being separated from your friends. The only choice I ever had to make was in high school when I was asked to pick what teachers home group I would prefer to be in.
Thankfully I ended up with every teacher I asked for. If I hadn’t I don’t think my mum would have complained on my behalf, I’m sure she would have told me to suck it up.
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At my son’s preschool the teachers make recommendations for the children going into kindy at the attached primary school. I did approach the preschool teachers and just ask that they recommend my son be separated from one little boy in his preschool class, because we have had a lot of trouble with this particular boy this year.
While I understand that this particular child is dealing with a number of issues at home, and his behavioural problems are a reflection of that, my little boy is very sensitive, and has been really genuinely upset by the other little boy constantly throughout the year.
I have worked with the teachers to build my sons ability to handle the teasing and physical ‘playfulness’ of this other boy, but it goes against my sons quiet nature to respond in kind.
I have made no requests as to teachers or preferred classmates, but want to give my son every chance to continue to come out of his shell, as he has recently started doing. While I know that he will have to deal with all types of people and personalities as he gets older, if I can shelter him for a little bit longer when he is just five years old, I will do it. His teachers were in total agreement anyway, having already noted the need to separate the boys, so I am glad I asked. Now just crossing my fingers that he has a nice group of kids in his class next year!
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My son has aspergers and reacts badly to change. I would love for him to meet his new teacher just *once* before school starts, to see the classroom, and get familiar. But it’s ‘not fair’ on the other parents who don’t get to find out until last day (can’t I find out the day before? Just one day?).
I bet those parents are the same ones who hate it when my son hasn’t been properly prepared and disrupts the class in the first week or two.
I know exactly why the school does it, and I don’t blame them. Still, quite a luxury to have parents interested and involved in their child’s education, even in an irritating way.
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My son has aspergers and his school does allow for those children in the spectrum to know what classroom and what teacher as well as the students that will be in their class the day before school starts. For the reasons you have given – It would be too disruptive for the class and to stressful for the child to not be prepared, from what I understand many schools allow for this.
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My kids find out on the last day but they reserve time to switch classes, meet new teacher, find out about plans for the year etc.
As an ex teachers it’s important for kids to do this transition prior to the new year to put Childers concerns at ease.
Your school should really be following this also.
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In my kid’s school we have a strict ‘no requests for specific teacher’ policy.
Seems to work fine. The teachers try to keep the kids with their BFFs, but there’s also the balancing act of having the right ‘mix’ of kids in each class.
We also find out the new teachers in the last week of school, yay!
In saying that, I have had to meet the principal to prevent my children being in the same class as another parents. Not only did one of her children harass and bully my son, but so did the parent (in class for a craft activity) and my son was sent home that day in distress.
The principal understood completely.
Nutjob parents, every school has at least one.
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‘Nutjob parents, every school has at least one’ – so true!
Our eldest doesn’t start Prep till next year but I already know who the nutjob parent of Prep 2013 is! She made herself well known at a school tour back in May. There were about a dozen sets of parents there and she abruptly questioned the (lovely) Principal on everything. Class sizes. Number of staff on yard duty. Sunscreen policy. Zoning. The list goes on. And then the icing on the cake was when the Principal took us through the Prep area, the mother clocked at look at the teachers, sharply inhaled and started flapping that her child ‘would simply not cope’ with a male teacher.
Meanwhile, the rest of us were all looking at the ground, the ceiling, anywhere but at ‘nutbjob parent’.
A few weeks ago we had to go for uniform fittings at school and as I was waiting the line, a gust of wind like a bloody hurricane blew up behind me and I was deafened but all the tut-tutting and huffing about there being a queue. I didn’t even need to look around to see if it was ‘nutjob’, I just knew it.
I’m scared of parents like that. They make me run a mile, I’m such a wuss.
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I was on our local primary school tour the other day, and one of the aspiring mothers sat down, pulled out an A4 notebook and two pens, and started firing questions at the principal. I’m all for making enquiries, but the aggressive manner in which she asked these questions (class sizes, composite classes, teacher ratios, approach to music and the inevitable ‘what kind of programs do you offer for advanced students?’) was embarassing for everyone having to listen to them, and I imagine infuriating for the principal. She was completely patronising, as if he was a junior she was interviewing for a lowly role, and she polished it off by announcing about ten minutes into the hour’s tour that she had another appointment and she ‘really hoped she hadn’t missed anything important’, to which the principal told her she’d seen ten per cent of the school so yes, she had. Oh, and her gifted child was 18 months old. NOT STARTING PREP FOR FOUR YEARS.
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I get that this is tongue in cheek but ….
One of my daughter’s teachers suggested in year 1 that she repeat the year. I said no on the basis that, for those that don’t know, there are screeds of studies that indicate that repeating a year is non productive and in fact can be detrimental. My daughter was put in a composite class (who knew what that meant in those days?)
And when it came to the following year, refused to move her up a grade because she hadn’t done the work (at age 8). So by default, repeating her. And just so you get the full story, it turns out that the studies are correct and repeating a year actually is detrimental to a child development.
It may sound like a joke to get pushy with the principle but I would now recommend it to everyone. Some teachers are very young and inexperienced. And perhaps I do know my child better than the teacher.
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I’m not sure about whether holding a child back for reasons of delayed emotional/social intelligence is a good idea, as I haven’t seen the studies you are referring to. However, if your kid hasn’t done the work all year I would think that this would be reason enough to hold them back.
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I think the issue is, the teacher did it by stealth.
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The point being that in a 2/3 grade class, she only taught my daughter the grade 2 work, thereby by default making sure that she repeated. When all her friends went on to grade 4, she had to stay in the same 2/3 grade and do the 3 work – all within the control of that teacher.
And to round out the full story, my daughter was just incredibly painfully shy, not slow, so this was devasting to her.
All fixed when I removed her from the school and sent her to a much smaller, Catholic school (I don’t know which of these too adjectives is relevant).
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Actually repeating for social skills/maturity etc is a very good reason. For example a child who started school at age four may be repeated to allow them the chance to ‘catch up’ socially/emotionally…
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Woops. Principal. How good was my schooling.
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My stepson’s teachers said from day 3 of grade prep that he wasn’t ready for school. His mum disagreed. They tried to hold him back in grades prep, one, two and three, she constantly refused because she had read all of your studies and knew so much better (she had also done a couple of teaching subjects at uni which made her a highly qualified expert). There was the poor kid at the end of grade 4, unable to read or write AT ALL and doing poorly in everything else as a result.
Finally she allowed him to repeat grade 4. Going into high school next year, he’s top of his class in maths and science and it’s a battle to get him off off the couch because he’s too busy reading novels. He’s social skills are so much better, no more behavioral problems… the list goes on.
They are professionals, trust them.
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I understand that it is difficult to generalise and, thank goodness, times move on.
My mother was told that my eldest brother was stupid (yes, they actually used that word), as my brother, the economist, currently studying for his doctorate, is so fond of reminding us over dinner table conversations.
They also told my mother they were the experts when she tried to argue.
Hence, it takes a village …..
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Wow, I chose to repeat my son in prep and the difference in his self-esteem, confidence and performance is incredible. Best decision I could have ever made. I care less about the studies. I’ve studied my child and watched him blossom because I listened to his teachers and gave him an extra year to grow.
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As a teacher I feel I need to point out a few things: 1 teachers and schools do not repeat students easily. They are assessed and put through a fairly rigid process. 2 It is most definitely NOT detrimental to students if repetition is actually necessary, i.e. the child will benefit. The only time it wouldn’t be appropriate would be if the child had a learning difficulty. Then there would be no point in repeating them. Teachers know your child better than you do in terms of their learning style and capability in the classroom, perhaps a little trust in those who are trained and educated in the field and not just assuming they are ‘young and inexperienced’.
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I disagree with this statement Polly. For every study that is con there is a pro. I remember a few instances in school of kids having to repeat and it did no damage – my little sister also was encouraged to repeat Pre-school and my parents agreed as she was a late in the year baby & a shy child so it was for the best and the results showed.
As an adult now I can say the few instances I’ve been part of eg friends/relatives etc it has been for the best and no negative results to show yet..
I really don’t think it is a decision taken lightly but I’m yet to see the negative on this choice.
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My personal experience was very negative (endorsed by all the “experts” that I had to get in to fix up the mess) and confirmed by my daughter when she left school.
Perhaps it was because the teacher used “stealth” (beautifully put by Wendy). If there was a real reason for suggesting that my daughter repeat class then she would not have had be so underhanded. It is always a danger when you come across someone who has a compete disregard for the views of others because they have specialists degree (in any profession).
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I love this.Makes me very glad to be a high school teacher, rather than primary…
As a kid I never even gave a thought to what class I would be in or what teacher I would have over the summer holidays. And if I had, mum would’ve told me that I’d be right and to go and play. It’s the kids whose parents carry on that end up with anxieties and prejudices about teachers and other kids. If mums and dads don’t make a fuss, then kids will be fine.
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Having attended four primary and two secondary schools, I have learned the unexpected joy of meeting new kids and having teachers with different and often exciting approaches to teaching.
However, my son had four teachers in Grade 1 last year and little continuity, which was deeply unsettling for the entire class. This year his teacher has been more interested in turning pop songs into odes to Jesus than teaching the curriculum.
He’s off to an academically selective school next year.
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Genuine curiousity here: which state has academically selective schools from grade 2?
I’m surprised to hear that this is the case so early in a child’s schooling
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They do exist…..and then that opens a can of worms about the kids who have 2 years of tutoring from the age of 5, specifically tailored to the entrance exam…as opposed to the kids who just turn up on the day and hope to do well.
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Where are these academically selective Year 2 schools??
And what if your son can’t keep up in the selective atmosphere?
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I get the importance of having a good teacher. I really do. I remember my own mother complaining on my first day of grade 2 when I had the same useless teacher as grade 1. But I think its good for kids to be separated from friends. It’s important for learning social skills and making new friends.
As long as your child is getting good grade and solid classroom support the rest will follow.
And no shouty teachers!!!
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I wrote a letter to the Jnr school principal this week. Not because I’m bothered about if his BFF will be in a diff class or that I want a certain teacher. I want him separated from 2 boys he’s been with since reception. They are mean, distracting and a bad influence. I’m sick of consoling my son every few weeks because of them.
I think this was a fair and reasonable request.
His teacher last year tried to do it (without me asking) but in the end had no final say.
This time I’m asking the question.
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Haha this sums up crazy meddling modern parents so perfectly!!
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Love this – as a teacher in a former life, I understand entirely the ‘my kid is special’ line. Of course they are special, and that’s how it should be – to their parents and also to their teachers. It’s just that teachers have a few more ‘special’ kids to factor in to their decisions.
I seem to remember when I was at school (yes, a long, long time ago) the lists were read out first day of the new year, so hopefully no-one had to spend their summer holidays angsting over something that shouldn’t need changing.
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Some primary and secondary school students are very shy/anxious and if they are separated from their friends may refuse to attend school at all as they are too stressed. So a parent’s request that their child be placed with a friend/s may be entirely reasonable and in their child’s best interest.
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Going forward though, its not doing them any favours. Like when they do work experience, get a job, go to uni etc…they will be in a room full of strangers.
Best to get used to it in the comfort zone of school where they do know everyone.
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The issue does need to be addressed with therapy, so it does not continue onto uni, work etc but the kid will never get a job or get to uni if they don’t get a basic education to start with, Let the poor kids be with their friends until their issues get sorted.
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Often the kids with anxiety problems have over bearing mothers who need to give them some space and stop trying to control their lives. They are causing the problems by pandering to their child and milking their confidence.
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I disagree and very strongly on this. I was separated from my friend in year one( and put in a class of much older children) and again in year seven.
As a paintfully shy person ti destroyed my confidence totally. The anxiety of these years of school is still with me. After a term of year seven my parents did get me changed into another class and with a friend about I had the confidence to mix with others and make new friends- by my self I was a total complete mess- I still had troubles as I got older but I eventually improved.
I would never expect someone that shy to to be alone in infant school or starting high school.
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You know what though, if your child had such crippling shyness that school refusal was a real issue the teachers would most definitely be aware of this and that would most definitely be taken into consideration. If your child is placed in a class you think is going to be a problem maybe, just maybe, it’s because the teacher is trying to help your child or perhaps they are more resilient than you think.
Teachers want to help all the children they deal with succeed at life and they do the best they can to see this happens.
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Beware of the Carpark Mafia!
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As a mother of 5 grown up,and dare I say extremely well educated and successful, children let me tell you that one teacher in one year does not affect your child’s education dramatically.
We had one teacher who was a chain smoking frustrated artist who spent the year doing wonderful craft projects, the macarena each morning and chasing some class disrupters around the playground as they absconded out the windows. This was 2nd grade!!!!! My, now adult, child talks about that year with fondness and laughter. We have had teachers who were bordering on illiterate, had what I would consider personality disorders. Our kids have had classmates who were practising early for their life in incarceration and have been their friends.
How your child turns out is 90% you and 10% school…I hope my grandchildren have the same diverse experience at school that my own children have had.
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God that really made me laugh. I so agree about looking back on those teachers that were whacky and just laughing about it.
Just this morning I was telling my young daughters how, when I was at school in Grade 1, we had a lovely but nutty teacher, Miss J who would:
a) put masking tape across a kids mouth if he or she talked too much during class; and
b) would make a child sit on top of the box where all the drawing paper was kept, if he or she drew on their hands or something. And then if anyone else wanted to get paper from the box, they were allowed to first draw on the child sitting there!
We thought it was hilarious at the time and I still do. Imagine that happening now though?!
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We had a teacher who was so hopeless that we’d all jump out the window one by one and see how many would get out before he noticed. I think the record was 5 left out of a class of 28…
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We did that too!! You weren’t in my yr 8 German class were you?? Thanks for the memory
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My husband, whose name is Jim, chased the girls in Grade 1. The teacher, a Mrs Reid, put a bobby pin in his hair and said, ‘Of you go, be with the girls all day now if you like. The class will call you ‘Jimima.’
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I recently attended a seminar where the current stats for input into your child are believed to be 60% home environment, 22% where you live and 18% school.
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In grade one, both classes were made of the same children who were in the same grade prep class, except me. I got moved to the other class where I didn’t know anyone. My poor mama who didn’t speak much English at the time had to go to the teachers and let them know that I was upset. They were very good and so i spent a couple of weeks in the first term flitting between the two classes until I was settled into mine.
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Hah this is hilarious!
In all seriousness though I really hate it when mothers and parents take class allocation so seriously! Of course the child wants to stay with their friends but if for whatever reason they split up it’s a great opportunity for them to make other friends and learn to mix with other groups. They can still hang out at lunch together!
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My son goes to a school now where it’s all very Harry Potter. On the first day of school all the boys stand in the quadrangle and the headmaster reads from a list, ‘Would the following boys please go to 6Blue … ‘
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Sounds like when I was in primary school in the 90′s! Was the most exciting/nervous day of the school year. We all sat together in the quadrangle hoping we got our favourite teacher!
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At my kids old primary school the class lists used to be put on the school notice board at lunch time on the last day of school so the kids could have a look themselves.
And of course the odd helicopter parent or two would pop in to check it out – and complain – too!
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My kids’ primary school don’t tell the kids whose class they are in until day one of the year. I will admit I have walked out of the hall and up to the principal to have one child’s class changed immediately after it was announced. In my defence she was placed with a teacher whom she had had previously. This teacher liked to tell parents how wonderful their kids were until early term 4 then she would bring up a heap of issues that she demanded be fixed. Issues such as handwriting, organisational skills, and similar things that had all been evident from the first day. Having been through it with both children already I refused to do it again. Luckily the school saw my point and accommodated the request.
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I think all parents who carry on about teachers, classes friend etc should be gagged and locked in cupboard until new year.
Drives me insane how many of my friends have asked teachers at our school about classes, teachers friends etc.
It must be a nightmare if your doing the rosteres with so many demanding bossy paretns in town thinking their child deserves the best and hang the rest. I understand some children in the lower grades who are very very shy being kept with friends but I do not accept people choing their teachers. It is not fair on all the non whingy parents who know children learn no matter what and it is a life skill learning to get along with difficult people.My daugher had the teacher most hated and she was fine, the kids love her and she controls the class well( and she has all the difficult kids).
A friend of mine has asked the principal to have my son in her son’s class and not to have a certain teacher and it kind of annoys me. Leave it to fate I say.
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I just went back and read that- Sorry about the spelling, punctuation etc- iphones and hurrying are not good.
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Way back in 1982 I lined up for the first day in my year 7 class, with none of my existing friends and was horrified to find a girl I couldn’t stand was in my class… Roll on a few months, we became best friends, so did our parents, and those friendships have lasted to this day… Some things should not be orchestrated, I think…
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On my first day in year 7 I was one of just ten girls in a year 7 of 70 boys. Yep. 70.
In my class were 15 boys, and 5 girls. One other year 7 class had the same, the two other classes were 20 boys only in each (no girls).
Doesn’t sound ideal but it prepared me for my life!
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Very funny. Mostly funny because I know parents who do actually think all these things about their kids!
Our eldest is about to start primary school next year and at a recent orientation day, the lovely Principal chatted to the parents in the school hall and handed out sheets where we could nominate a few other children that we wouldn’t mind being in the same class as our own child. And also to suggest a ‘Grade 5 buddy’ for our child. She of course said that there were no guarantees they would be able to accommodate every request.
What I did was put my daughter’s name at the top of each page and then a big long line through the rest of the page. Of course I hope she gets a lovely teacher, a kind buddy and a class of great kids. But that lucky lotto is not going to happen for the next 13 years of her school life so I figured it was a good idea to start building resilience in both her and myself about this matters!
But just between you, me and gatepost… I’m hoping she gets ‘Mr B’ as her teacher and that little boy ‘A’ who she has known all her life, is at the opposite end of the prep rooms as her! I’m only human, aren’t I?!
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Word for word Cordeline! Except it’s my first little man starting school next year.
Sure, hope for the best outcome but let it land where it falls……..
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If she’s starting big school, how are parents all supposed to know all that stuff anyway???
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She’s starting Prep and lots of kids would know other kids from kinder, or just the local area (it’s just the local state school).
You would be surprised what some parents know about school before their kids even get there!! These are the parents that make me run a mile!
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I love it, and wish I had access to it years ago. Might even send it to a former teacher for fun!
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Thanks for the belly laugh, Kate. (Almost spat my coffee out onto the new Macbook – oops!)
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Class list in the last week of school – what a luxury!!! Our principal likes to keep it nice and tightly close to his chest (except for ‘those’ few parents that always seem to know anyway) and doesn’t release the class lists until 10am on the first day of school (after parents have done the drop off). Inspired maybe but I always think – what a wimp!! He’s not the one that has to spend 6 weeks of school holidays counselling their child on every single teacher option they may possibly get, and try and work their way through the mindfield of ‘maybe you’ll be in a straight year 4 class, or a 3/4 or a 4/5 or, or, or….) Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
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Seriously? this is primary school and it really doesn’t matter. Some year they will have a good teacher, another year they won’t be as good. You just have a clever principal who doesn’t want to listen to a bunch of whiny mothers with way too much time on their hands. Why also should you have to counsel a child on what class and teacher they have? this is ridiculous. Kids are so pampered these days,they should learn to suck it up and get over it. Life isn’t always going to give you exactly what you want and children should be prepared for that.
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That’s a bit vicious! It can be tricky if you have a school with composite classes when you don’t know what to expect. It’s nice to be able to explain it to your kid before hand. They could either be in a straight year-level class or one of the youngest or one of the eldest in a composite class. At my sons last school the way they arranged the composite classes was with about 18 kids in the normal year level and about 5 kids either older or younger who would be in the same class with the other 18 kids but doing their own separate work. And still going on excursions, swimming lessons etc with the lower or higher classes with the other kids their age. It does help to be able to explain all this to your kid before hand.
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I’d say 50+ votes for realistic mother says otherwise..
That principal sounds like they stick to their guns and don’t allow invasive parents in where they’re not welcome!
I can’t for the life of me ever remember caring or having to be ‘counselled’ (wth!) on who my teacher might be unless it was us kids kidding about not getting Mrs B… in grade 4 because she was stern/strict. In hindsight she was one of the best teachers and if I had a hovering, handwringing parent worried about her I would have missed out on the valuable lesson of dicipline.
I really do think there is too much parental involvement in class planning/requests etc…
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Yes yes yes! And it’s always the same parents who do this stuff. It must drive teachers’ mental. Can only imagine the conversations in the staffroom. If you don’t trust your school to do the best they possibly can for all their students ( not an easy job ) then maybe try home schooling. You will have 100% say in what teacher your kid has, and who little diddums associates with.
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Absolute rot, “it’s always the same parents”! Before the end of last year (when my son was in grade four) I’d never approached the principal or teachers about class placement. I was happy with how the school allocated kids to classes and didn’t really mind what teacher either of my boys ended up with as I agree that it’s a great learning experience to have to get along with lots of different types of people.
Last year however, my son was swapped out of his class, into a 4/5 composite because someone else’s parent had complained about their child being separated from a particular child. I’m still asking myself why they chose my son, knowing what sort of personality he is.
He is incredibly quiet and shy, doesn’t cope well with change and doesn’t make friends very easily. He’s always been that kid who is a little “left of centre”. It absolutely devastated him to be plucked out of the familiar, particularly when he was originally supposed to stay in that class. This year as a consequence of trying to fit in and “make new friends” he’s spent most of this year being bullied and upset. Over this last month (thank goodness) he seems to have finally found his groove and is much happier kid.
I’m dreading class allocation time. I intend to speak to the principal (this Friday in fact) because I really don’t want this happening to him again. I figure that after six years, the teaching staff should know him and realise that grade six is an important year. Don’t lump me in with “helicopter parents” just because I want my son to have a positive transition to high school.
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I am guessing they picked your child as you are a parent who doesn’t complain. Pretty poor form that they didn’t call you and discuss it first.
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May i suggest you take him to child psychologist. its medicare rebateable so talk to your gp and see if eligible
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OMG when I was teaching this is one of the things that infuriated me the absolute most. If parents only knew the time, effort, and many, many hours that went in to setting the class lists for the next year maybe they would have a bit more respect for the teachers decisions. Ha, ha…who am I kidding, of course they wouldn’t.
Really it’s up to the principal to put their foot down and tell parents NO. Surprisingly when you are sorting out 30 odd children and you need to take into account a mix of skill levels, behavioural issues, personalities, equal girls vs boys ratios etc. maybe your child isn’t going to end up in the class of your desire.
Parents who think their child is more deserving of special consideration just so they can be with their best friend or just because they have a preference for a particular teacher DO MY HEAD IN!
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Exactly what I was going to say. There are way more important things that go into compiling class lists than making sure your daughter is with her best friend or that your son ends up with a teacher you personally prefer. Let the school deal with it, please.
I think a letter like this probably sounds completely ridiculous to someone reasonable who hasn’t actually worked in a school but this kind of thing really does go on. With certain parents, if you’d told me they were the author of this letter, I would believe it 100%.
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Thank you for writing this so I didn’t have to. I hate doing class lists. We spend hours working out the perfect class and over the holidays the principal changes them depending on parent requests.
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Your principal needs to stop being so weak and let the nutty parents know that he/she is the boss and not them!
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Completely agree. She is very weak and it is very annoying.
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Do we teach at the same school? Every year our class lists get changed over Christmas. Why do we bother spending hours sorting it out when it’s going to be changed anyway?
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I have enough trouble relating so some parents at the kinder (school next year) gate, let alone dealing with all the kind of crap you are talking about.
Those parents that do your head in… do you ever make the opposite decisions based purely to piss them off? Go on. Please say you do!
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