by KATE HUNTER
It’s that time of year when we mums put aside petty differences and first world problems to think about what’s really important: like making sure our child gets the best teacher in the school and is not separated from her friends.
But school principals can be real arsehats these days, can’t they? Some of them just don’t get it; and even though you gave her that jumbo box of Ferrero Rocher at Easter, you’re not feeling confident are you?
Who knows what class your child will end up in? What if she’s separated from her BFF? It’s not the end of the world, but it could be the start of a slippery slope towards it. She could become friends with anyone! It takes all types, but that doesn’t mean you have to go to their parties.
So here’s early an Christmas present. Just copy and paste into a word document and adjust to suit:
Dear [Insert princpal’s name],
Just a quick note to say a heartfelt thank you for what has been an excellent year academically, socially and on the sports field for our [insert your child’s first name]. It’s been a joy to watch her flourish as she has. The nurturing school environment you’ve created has been exactly what she’s needed.
[Insert principal’s first name only], you know I’m rarely one to make a fuss, or question your decisions – frankly I’m too busy with tuck-shop, running the craft stall at the fete and the P&C sausage sizzle on election day – but I feel compelled to ask that you take a few things into consideration when drawing up the class lists for 2013.
i) I know everyone thinks their child is gifted. And no doubt they are all gifted in something. But (without being boastful), we believe [Insert your child’s first name] to be more gifted than her contemporaries in most areas. I realise her NAPLAN didn’t entirely reflect that, but it’s well known that [Insert Year 3 teacher’s name], while being a wonderful person, did not prepare the class adequately for the test. It’s ridiculous to believe that [Insert your child’s first name] is below average in comprehension when she read the entire Twilight series unassisted at age eight.
It would be great if [insert your child’s first name] could be in [insert preferred teacher’s name]’s class for Year 4 as [insert Year 4 teacher’s first name only] is well known for fostering measurable academic results and welcoming parental feedback. Sadly, [insert Year 3 teacher’s name] was not so receptive to constructive comments.
ii) [Insert your child’s first name] is a confident, sociable girl, but like many gifted people, she’s also extremely sensitive. It would be a shame if her enjoyment of school life next year was adversely affected by being separated from [insert best friend’s name]. They have been close since kindergarten and are a tremendous support for each other and although I’m the last person to make a big deal of these things, I think keeping them together is optimal. That [insert best friend’s mother’s name] and I are dear friends is also relevant. It makes school life more convenient for both families, giving us more time to assist with reading rosters, attend assemblies etc. A small point perhaps, but I feel it is one worth mentioning.
iii) Being an involved parent, I like to know what’s going on in the classroom on a day-to-day basis. [Insert your child’s first name], being an articulate, insightful girl has told me of troubling behaviours from particular students I’d prefer her not to be exposed to next year. I realise some of these children have unstable homes and/or learning difficulties, but I would like [insert names of undesirable students] to be in a class other than [insert your child’s first name]’s. If this isn’t possible, could you let [preferred teacher] know to seat them apart from [insert your child’s name], as she finds them distracting and it would be a pity if her learning was compromised.
[Insert principal’s first name], you have so much on your plate at this frantic time of year – signing reports, organising classroom clean-ups and attending Christmas concerts before your lovely long holiday; but it would be a weight off my mind to know that [insert your child’s first name]’s teacher and class is settled for next year.
I realise you don’t release the lists until the final week of term, but an assurance from you that all will be well would be much appreciated. Of course, I wouldn’t breathe a word to anyone. I know how uptight some parents can be! [Insert smiley face or similar emoticon.]
Happy Christmas,
[Insert your name]
Have you ever questioned the class your child was placed in or the teacher they were assigned? How did you approach the subject?








Comments
254 Comments so far
Hi, I actually just came over from the Ruffles and Stuff website, from whence the picture of the darling little girl was pirated. I just wanted to say that I think it’s not right to take others’ content like that, and particularly rude not to respond to that child’s mother.
That’s all.
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Hi Bethany
Thanks for the comment. We hadn’t heard from Ruffles and Stuff before today – I fear she’s tried to contact us but unfortunately hasn’t got through. The photo was used in error, since it was some time ago I’m still trying to decipher how that happened.
We took the photo down as soon as we realised and are deeply apologetic for using it in error. I’m endeavouring to contact the owner of the picture now to say sorry once more.
Cheers,
Jamila
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I’m amazed at the amount of parents of gifted children on here. Do people really know what being ‘gifted’ entails? My primary school had a gifted and talented class, and one of the kids in that was doing second year university level maths in year six.
Oh, and being in the class wasn’t an automatic entry into a selective high school either. Quite a few of the kids in it when I was in year six lost out when they sat the tests. That’s why people pay money for stupidly high levels of coaching- because depressingly, it works. (for a while)
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Haha,
Principal(insert first name here) with 500 children in the school gets maybe 30 or so of these, reads down to choice of teacher and child’s best friend. The whole staff take part in constructing the classes for next year over a number of staff meetings with regard to their knowledge about who gets long with whom at school. The main focus is on providing the best learning environments, sharing the load of behaviour problems, learning difficulties etc. Classes are constructed. The reality is no-one gives any thought to which teacher will get which class until the principle has knowledge of who will be on staff the following year and which classes they will take. The wish list provided by the parent is noted and wishes are carried around by the teacher’s…who are trying to give you what you want. We consider all parent requests and generally try and match at least one wish on a parent wish list and if we match two or more we think the parent should be pretty pleased with our efforts. Oh and slagging the previous teacher won’t make anyone crawl over broken glass to have your kid in their class.
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I went to a private school and the school would assign a child to a particular teacher if the parent requested it. I think the requests were pretty rare so it worked ok.
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I took this article as tongue in cheek (hopefully as it was intended), participated in the discussion (with gusto), and shared my experience (as you do).
And, much to my surprise, got a significant amount of (very polite) negative feedback. Apparantly, I am not an expert. And I do not know my child. And I should have listened. No one came out directly and said that I was wrong but would I be wrong to say that it was implied?
So in the spirit of continuing to be incorrect (is that a euphemism), I am assuming that the majority of those who commented adversely were teachers.
And so: I love this letter. I am going to use it every year to all my children’s teachers. And I will be passing it on to all my friends to use.
Obviously, there is a serious problem in our schools if teachers believe that parents are irrelevant to the conversation because they do not have the training, qualifications and experience to give input on the raising on their own child (or children for those of us who have many).
Maybe the issue is not a joke after all.
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I love this. One of my favourite quotes is – “everyone thinks they are an expert on education because they had one once”. What parents don’t realise is that being a parent to a couple of kids is completely different to being in a room with 30 of them for ~6 hours a day, 190 days a year. The way they interact at home or in a small group is often completely different to how they are in class. And do parents really think that teachers will deliberately make a poor class placement? Give us some credit for our professionalism!
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Theres also a saying (I think it’s a very adaptable one saying) that everyone’s an expert on birth because so many of us have had babies.
Teaching is like any highly visible profession that has us interacting mainly with the public. People will have an opinion on our job and are more than happy to share that opinion. If I was easily offended, some of the stuff I’ve read here about nurses/midwives would be upsetting, but being realistic some of my colleagues shouldn’t be in the job. Some are fantastic, some good, some average and some poor. Some just happen to have off days, or put their foot in it when you see them. Teachers, police, firies, ambos are the same.
So yeah, occasionally, kids will be poorly placed in a class, teachers aren’t infallible. Not necessarily deliberately, but maybe carelessly. This “letter” drew attention to the fact that some parents are OTT and demanding, but I would have thought it would be good for a laugh for most of us.
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No parents don’t think schools will deliberately make a “poor placement”. We are simply aware that some teachers are better than other teachers yet every teacher will be assigned a class. This means that some children will end up with better teachers than others. Every parent would like for our own children to be the fortunate ones but we are aware that it is not quite luck of the draw because schools do accommodate parents to the extent they can, other parents are advocating for their own children, and in this world it is the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. Now it might be a hassle from schools and parents should definitely drop the entitled attitude, but you can’t blame them for taking an interest and asking for what they think is going to best for their child.
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I have to admit, I did send a letter asking if Miss8 could be placed with her cousin Miss9 next year. Mainly to make the after school pickup easier.
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Love it! Sad to say there are parents who act like this!!
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As a uni student (studying to be a teacher) with a young child, I can see both sides to this argument.
As a teacher, I completely understand the time and effort that is put into trying to get the dynamics of a classroom at its optimum for all students. It drives me crazy when parents believe that their “professional” opinion far outweighs that of a teacher. I always stick by the principle that I don’t tell my doctor how to do their job so I appreciate when the same logic is reversed.
Without a doubt, however, as a parent, I want my child to get the best education available to him. I’m not naive enough to believe that “all teachers are created equal” and there are undoubtedly teachers who are, in essence, better teachers than others. I want my son to have those teachers. I’m one of the lucky ones – should my son have one of those teachers, if I can’t help him, I will know where to go to get him further support to make sure those teachers don’t adversely affect his education. There are those who can’t and I can understand why they want to complain and request to have their child with the best teacher available. I’m not saying that teacher’s students should be disadvantaged by who their parents are (of course I wouldn’t say that!) but I understand the struggle. In an ideal world, a school would be full of wonderful, capable, talented teachers who can bring the best out in their students.
In saying all this, I can appreciate the irony that this letter is laden with and hope that both the author’s, and everyone else who has commented, children are able to achieve to the best of their ability with the teacher they have come next year.
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I have a question. I have a child who is special needs. I don’t have any particular requests for which teacher this child gets next year (I don’t know any of them near well enough, and I mostly trust that the child will get whichever teacher they are ‘meant’ to have). My problem is that there is one particular teacher that I DON’T want the child to have. This particular teacher is one of those ‘over it’ teachers who just looks like they barely have the energy to come to school. I know exactly how this teacher does things as my other child has had them this year! It is entirely possible that this teacher will continue teaching younger grades and that my older child is ‘safe’ from having them (I can not imagine them having the ‘energy’ to do what my child requires, even though my child really has quite small extra needs – more so because this teacher seems especially bad with unseen disabilities, like ASD etc. I have watched in horror sometimes about how this teacher talks about some of the kids at school that I KNOW have diagnosed disorders).
My question is how I should handle this? Should I approach the current teacher of my special needs child? Should I approach the principal? Should I approach a learning support teacher? I don’t want to cause problems, but I really need my child to have a good teacher (she has had a brilliant one this year, who I have started to think of as ‘Miss Honey’ in my head because she just cares about all of the kids so much, and does a great job with them!). Suggestions please!! How do I handle this?
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I have been in this situation. There are 2 different ways I have handled it. I have generally been able to rely on whoever his current teacher was to make good decisions for the following year, so I have only needed to make the somewhat ‘vague’ request that he is put with a teacher who has DEMONSTRATED the necessary skills and compassion for dealing with special needs children and who (most importantly) has a willingness to have them in his/her class. However one year, I was so paranoid about a particular teacher I specifically asked he not be put with her. I gave my reasons as concern she would not be able to handle his specific needs. Whatever you decide ALWAYS put something in writing and give a copy to his current teacher AND the deputy/principal. At the end of the day, if the teacher I had made the request against ever found out, I don’t care. I would rather be known as a pushy mother, than have my son suffer a terrible year with someone who did not want him in their class.
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I have been in this situation or several years. There are 2 different ways I have handled it. I have generally been able to rely on whoever his current teacher was to make good decisions for the following year, so I have only needed to make the somewhat ‘vague’ request that he is put with a teacher who has DEMONSTRATED the necessary skills and compassion for dealing with special needs children and who (most importantly) has a willingness to have them in his/her class. However one year, I was so paranoid about a particular teacher I specifically asked he not be put with her. I gave my reasons as concern she would not be able to handle his specific needs. Whatever you decide ALWAYS put something in writing and give a copy to his current teacher AND the deputy/principal. At the end of the day, if the teacher I had made the request against ever found out, I don’t care. I would rather be known as a pushy mother, than have my son suffer a terrible year with someone who did not want him in their class.
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As a teacher I often have parents make genuine requests for me to try and ensure their child does not have a particular teacher the following year. When a student has special needs it is important that personalities match between student and teacher. I think you should have a meeting with the current teacher and bring up your concerns
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I would start with the child’s current teacher. Teachers sit down and decide on classes for the following year with MANY factors in mind- separating behaviours, matching child to teacher personality, any contributing factors that make it difficult for that child to have that particular teacher. See what the current teacher thinks is the best match for your child and go from there.
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I have worked in the Western Australian education system for many years and there is a group of specialist teachers called Visiting Teachers for students with disabilities. If your child is placed in a classroom with a teacher who may need assistance this fantastic service will come and work with the teacher as well as provide them resources. Often teachers do not have a great deal of experience with the needs of students with disability and these guys are a brilliant resource. Talk to your school principal
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Thankfully I am lucky enough to send my daughter to a Montessori school where they stay in the same class and teacher for 3 years, 6-9 years old.. Children are moved up from the lower cycle and children leave to go to the next cycle through out the year. This way not only do they keep with their BFF but also have adjustments to new class mates coming and old ones going.
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Aside from the gifted bit, this almost sounds like something my mum would have actually written when I was in primary school! Cringe.
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I have been lucky with parents and always had genuinely lovely ones. However there are some doozies out there! Class placements are hard. Often we split kids due to issues that the parents don’t/won’t acknowledge. However as professionals who’ve spent many hours observing these kids we know we’re doing the right thing.
Anyway, in life you’re going to work, live, play etc with a large range of people and need to learn to cope with this. Letting little Rosie and Jane spend every year together from K-6 isn’t always the best thing for their social and emotional development!
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Don’t laugh we receive many, many letters like this for the final term of the year. It is my job to oversee the class placements.The teachers and I spend hours mulling over academic, social and emotional issues and combinations. When you have the options of 2 classes and a parent sends a list of 10 students that they don’t want their child with and a teacher added in – makes it rather limiting. Naturally, we believe we are professionals we just wish the parents would trust us and see us as professionals too.
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My daughter was gifted, I say *was* only because she is now out of the education system. I can’t fault my local Government primary school for their interaction with her over the eight years (counting pre-primary) that she was with them.
The headmaster and teachers went out of their way to try and make school a rewarding place for her to be and to accommodate her needs, within the constraints of what they could do with their staffing levels and resources.
I think that Government schools and their teachers get a very bad rap, which is quite unwarranted in most cases.
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Same here!
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The vast majority of educators believe NAPLAN is useless and holds no real value when assessing a child’s ability.
If a principal shows this to staff which they probably would if the school community is tight knit. This could prove to be a big step backwards in your relationship with faculty members.
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I’m a teacher, but secondary so we don’t really get too many requests from parents. Anyway, my son is starting primary school next year and I feel that I’ll turn into one of these parents. I’ve already requested that he not be in the same class with another boy. I think I’ll be more prone to analyzing what the teacher does than trying to swap.
There are some pretty bad teachers out there and I don’t know how I’ll act if one was to teach my son. I think I’ll have to remind myself to step back and just let the teacher do the best job they can.
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It must be tricky in some ways to be a teacher yourself and then see your own child be taught by someone who is probably quite different to yourself.
One of my dearest friends was a primary school teacher and her son has been at 4 year old kinder this year. She has really struggled when she’s been on duty watching how the kinder teacher operates. At the end of Term 1, she was almost going to pull him out but then realised he was very happy at kinder, and that that was the most important thing. Especially at that stage of his life.
Good luck!
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What a classic – this has never crossed my mind regarding which class my kids go into, although I do talk with my kids about being friendly with everyone, rather than just limiting themselves to a few people. They still have their faves of course.
Teachers get a minimum 12 weeks holiday’s per year in our state – that’s plenty of time to recover for all those ‘pain in the arse’ parents they have to deal with for the other 40 weeks of the year
)
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Ok, I’ll bite. Despite what the popular perception is, teachers holidays (except for maybe 4 weeks at the end of the year) is time spent ‘working at home’ and ‘playing catch up’. In the Easter holidays of this year my husband spent the first week marking 80 papers and doing prep for next term. The second week was spent at school with the music kids rehearsing for the musical. The winter holidays were spent with the AFL kids, doing prep for the upcoming term and organising the year 10 excursion. The October holidays were once again spent marking 80 papers and doing prep. Teachers head back to school in January a week before the kids for PD and prep for the upcoming term starts at least a week before that.
All this and teachers are only paid for a 25 hour working week for their contact hours (as if lesson prep/meetings/reports/individual tutoring/administration etc happens in a vacuum).
I would say something very cross here but it wouldn’t make it past moderation.
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I do get the extra work which parents don’t see, but you still get that time away from parents, just not the work.
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I do think it’s a case of picking your battles…
We had a Year One teacher who was known for screaming at the children. We are a small school so I knew there would be a straight year one class – with the screamer – and a Year 1/Year2 composite, so I pretended I really wanted my daughter in a composite class as a way of avoiding the scary screamer.
There were so many issues with this teacher, she ended up leaving the school. I would rather be laughed at in the staffroom for being a difficult parent than have my child spend a year in fear.
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Definitely. And to all the teachers who are getting mighty defensive (to the point of bitchiness), nobody’s saying you’re all like this. Nobody’s saying that you will deliberately make poor placements, or that you don’t know the kids’ dynamics well enough to do the right thing for them.
But there ARE genuine reasons for making class placement requests. You can’t tar all of the parent requests with the same brush.
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I am tipping she knows a hell of a lot more than you! And ALL other non-teacher parents. I am fairly sure after 4 years at university she has come out the other end more than competent.
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It would be nice if we could think of teachers as god like creatures because of a university degree. However, I suspect that it is more likely that teaching is just like every single other profession in this country, employing the good, the bad and the indifferent.
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Prior to writing such a letter be mindful that some principals eg mine, hand such letters to staff. So your derogatory comments about a teacher could be chuckled about at a staff meeting whilst teachers are making up class lists.
They’re the same meetings we usually say “I don’t want any of the {insert your name here} kids again. They’re mother is a total pain in the arse”.
Food for thought : )
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Oh Michelle, Kate’s article and draft letter is humour. She is poking fun at uptight parents not supporting them! The majority of us are very supportive of the school staff making these decisions, Kate’s just having a laugh at the (hopefully) minority who try to control class placement. Merry Xmas
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Oh Kate, thank you so much. This made me laugh out loud – while I was reading it, I could so clearly picture a few parents I know actually sending a letter similar to this to our school principal! Personally, I have been pretty happy with all the teachers my kids have had over the years, excepting maybe 1 or 2. But even in those instances, I have never been one to complain or demand that my child be moved. As someone commented earlier, the kids are going to be interacting with people they might not respond to positively or get along with very well and the earlier they are taught how to deal with those situations, the better the kids will be in the long run.
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As a new graduate teacher im more worried about dealing with parents than kids, lesson plans or pay conditions. Please let us do our job… most of us are really good at it!
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Wow, that was really rude. If that is your attitude towards your childs teacher have you stopped to consider whether you might be the problem? Graduate teachers can be fantastic – they are often so enthusiastic and aren’t as jaded as some of the older teachers can be..
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I almost wrote the same thing!
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We need to empower kids and trust them, they are so capable and resiltent. Parents really need to take a backseat and stop stressing. Kids are such amazing little people. They will have a new bbf everyday or not, let them find their way, you’ll be surprised!
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Yes! I want my kids to have some scary teachers! A Mrs Trunchbull. They can’t all be Miss Honey (referencing Roald Dahl’s Matilda there) because kids need stories to take into adulthood. If nothing ever happens, nothing ever happens (that one from Dory in Finding Nemo).
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Sweet Jesus.
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Completelu agree. I’m a teacher as well and I get so frustrated by people’s comments about decisions we make. If only we could explain how much effort goes into class placement! Ours is such a long and thorough process that involves every member of staff.
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Our school has a nominated consultation period where parents can talk to teachers about preferences or concerns regarding class allocations. I’m not really one to make too much of a fuss about these things, but this year I did write a quick, brief email to the principal asking that neither of my children be put with my daughter’s current year 2 teacher next year (on the off-chance she changed teaching years). We just really didn’t like her.
And I have learnt, if you don’t ask, you don’t get, and whilst I would not consider myself a “squeaky wheel” it doesn’t take much to look around the school yard and see that that approach works!
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You can almost guarantee that the teacher you ‘really didn’t like’ also sent a ‘quick, brief email to the principal’ asking that neither of your children are put in her class again.
It works both ways.
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Well personally I think it’s great that the feeling’s mutual. They’d both be in agreement that the kids would be better placed elsewhere, and everyone benefits. Neither the parent NOR the teacher is necessarily ‘right’ about the other one being a bad person – they just don’t match up.
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This made me laugh! I have a gifted child and this sounds like something I would do! (Minus the passive aggressive undertones of course!)
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Just curious but lots of people in the comments are saying “it is just prep or just primary school and who cares and you wont remember anyway and it really has no impact etc etc”
But then there are a big number of comments from teachers etc saying how they hate when a parent wants to change the class allocation of their child because so much hard work goes into working out who is in what classes etc.
What I want to know is this……
If the teachers etc are spending so much time allocating classes and it takes a lot of thought etc, then that tells me that it must matter what class you get put into, it must have an impact on your child’s schooling, it must be important otherwise the teachers would split the kids evenly between each class and be done with it.
So which is it please???
No impact whatsoever and everyone needs to take a chill pill because it is not important what class they get allocated, in which case, the teachers should ALSO take a chill pill and stop making such a big deal about how much time it takes etc
or
it is really important and the teachers have to put lots of work into the correct allocation, in which case parents have every right to worry if they are not happy with their child’s class allocation and they absolutely should lobby to get into a different class if they are not happy.
BTW, my kids are all grown and finished school so I have no agenda here and I can tell you that your kids are going to come across people all their lives they don’t like, they don’t respond well to, they feel inferior to etc. The earlier they learn that the world is made up of all types of people and they have to learn to deal with all of them, the better they will be.
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Our (local public) primary school had enough kids for a straight grade 6 , and a straight grade 7 class this year. But because the current crop of grade 7 boys were so toxic (and had been since grade 4), the teachers refused to have all those boys in one class, so the school made two grade 6/7 combined classes, each with half of the revolting boys. Lousy all around, but better for the grade seven girls who would have had an incredibly awful year otherwise. (And no, my kids are not in grade 7)
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how do you mean awful?
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As a teacher the time that goes into planning classes is mostly to do with balance. It is important that there is a mix of abilities, behavioural issues, special needs etc within each class. To just randomly assign children may mean that one class has too many children requiring extra assistance which makes it difficult for all concerned. Personality issues between students are also taken into consideration with friendships probably the final consideration. Class time is for learning, lunchtime is for play.
I have also experienced it from the other perspective. I am a parent and this year my 10 year old high functioning autistic daughter was separated from her two friends. At first I was very fearful for her and while she continued to play with her friends at lunchtime, she did find classtime more stressful and was often in tears. While it was a hard lesson for her to learn she has expanded her friendship group and ultimately her teachers decision was the correct one. I have never made a request for a particular teacher or friendship grouping in any of my three childrens’ classes. I trust their teachers to have their best interests at heart just as I do with my own students.
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It does matter how students are mixed and there are a range of factors that need to be taken into consideration when teachers place students for next year. Parents should trust teachers’ professional opinion and ability to do what they are trained for. This, unfortunately is not the case in a lot of schools. Parents often make harsh judgements about teachers and other students they barely know. The satirical letter posted here is not far from true of letters principals actually receive. Again, teachers are professionals and do not make class placement decisions lightly. This needs to be respected and appreciated.
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I have been struggling with the fact I feel like a “bad” mother to my Miss 9. I don’t go to the school & harass her already stressed teachers with petty playground issues. I’ve never (nor would I) request a teacher or special friends she needs to stay with going into year 4. I think it’s a good thing for kids to have a group of friends (rather than one BFF) & learn to socialise with different kids with wide ranging personalities, it kind of sets them up for life. BUT at the moment I feel like my miss 9 is getting a bit lost because it seems to be the parents who make the most noise get what they want, I find the whole school politics very frustrating. Just because I’m not on the teachers door step 5 days a week, or have no time playground gossip & nastiness does not mean I do not care what happens to my kid.
Sorry for the rant.
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Sounds like you are doing the most important thing a parent can do, and that is being a good role model for your child. Perhaps the rewards will come in the longer term rather than right now.
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As a mother and a teacher I do not find this funny at all. If only others new about the meetings and hours spent putting classes together. A teachers worst nightmare is often the mother with too much time on her hands. I think the author of this may be one of them.
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As a mother and a teacher I found this incredibly funny. I think she does a very clever job of using comedy to highlight some very accurate observations.
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I sincerely hope you don’t teach English, Because your basic lack of understanding of satire is frightening.
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As a teacher I hope you spell better in class than on here.
*Knew
Also, I would have thought that a teacher would appreciate a parent with “too much time on their hands” as those are the parents who work in the tuck-shop, offer to be class readers, go on excursions etc.
Careful what you wish for, you might just find yourself without any parental support what so ever.
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Hi Julia, I was having a bit of a laugh. No way would I send something like that. I’m the last person to make a fuss…
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When I was in year 8 I had no friends in the class I was put in (we had a couple of elective subjects and graded classes) but had a base class for subjects like science, geo, history etc. They seemed to be pretty randomly selected (although judging by some of the comments they probably weren’t).
Around this time i was painfully shy, had low self esteem and just wasn’t confident enough to sit with other people during class. So I asked if i could change classes, to one where some of my friends were. And I was much happier.
I guess my point is, i changed classes after giving the first one a go for a term, and i only asked to be moved because i was unhappy- my teachers were good, there was no bullying, i was just very lonely.
I don’t really remember in my primary school days (90s) parents requesting certain teachers, that their child is placed in this class- well my parents certainly didn’t care!
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As the mother of a genuinely “gifted” child, I’ll accept the “guilty as charged” scenario on the chin. Fortunately, when I went to speak to my son’s teacher, she said she was already considering his placement very carefully and will meet with me to discuss it once classes were settled.
I know this is article is totally tongue-in-cheek and I’m certainly not offended by it, but it is incredibly uncomfortable and isolating being “one of those of mums”.
Being a parent of a gifted child is an incredibly challenging job – it’s almost as challenging as a having a child with a learning disability (I know this, as one of my good friends has a son with Aspergers plus twin boys – and she reckons she’s got the easier deal!) One day we will be able to come out in the open and discuss these issues, in the ways that parents are now able to openly discuss raising children with Aspergers and Autism.
One day…
Yes, I did have a giggle anyway
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I think your friend was being polite. I know this, as I have a son with autism.
I hope your son continues to thrive with a teacher who challenges him to be the best he can be.
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I agree. Parents of kids with special needs know there’s no point trying to compete with parents who get all distressed about their child’s ear infection or having to take them for vaccinations or being unchallenged at school because they’re so gifted. It’s much easier for them to laugh it off and pretend that these things must be so difficult. Poor love.
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What do you mean by ‘genuinely gifted’? Are you implying that others who think their children are gifted are kidding themselves?
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yes, there are lots of non-diagnosed/non-tested, non-gifted children who are very smart. You can tell the gifted ones, because their mother’s are struggling with their low social IQ, and with how weird their child is. My friend has an autistic child and there are quite a few similarities that we do try and have a laugh over, because parenting is hard.
I don’t tell people my child is “gifted”… what’s the point. The teachers knew straight away and told me.
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I have two “genuinely gifted” children and one with aspergers. No comparison. My gifted kids have the smarts to do whatever they want in life. They fun rings around most adults. My asperger boy needs a lot of time, attention and advocation. Not sure how you can compare the two? Oh, and my asperger boy is also “genuinely gifted” with a full scale IQ = 99.4% of population, but that’s the easy part, it’s the aspergers / SPD / dyspraxia that takes all our time and energy.
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Lol, I had a laugh reading this. I have an ‘independently verified’ profoundly gifted kid and sent almost this exact email to our school’s principal the other week (bar the passive aggressive threats about my involvement in the school). Got the class placement I wanted though …
(and yes, you’ll rarely hear parents of genuinely gifted kids tell anyone beyond those who need to know unless they are asked outright – this is me being ‘out there’!)
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We are looking at our class lists on Monday and I think all the teachers in the staff room at my school will enjoy reading this! Please trust the teachers – we really do have the interests of your children first and foremost when allocating classes for the following year. We really do want your children to enjoy their school year and we take into account so many aspects – mental, social, emotional, academic, friendships…….it is hard work and it takes time. We don’t just draw the name of the child out of a hat and stick them against the name of a teacher! We care about the children we teach.
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My Aunt is a teacher with over 30 years experience. At the end of my first childs first year of school I observed other parents frantically trying to bail the Principal and the teacher up to make requests for the following year. And, having no school experience before I thought that this was normal behaviour and thought I must be slack for not doing the same. I rang my aunt and asked her opinion. She said these parents would be the source of great entertainment around the staffroom table at lunch time. And unless I wanted to be thought of as a crazy busy body too I should say nothing. Unless there was a serious issue, it was best to let the teachers do their jobs. Great advice from my Aunt that I have stuck with over my kids schooling years. And my kids have coped quite well amazingly.
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It happened. Going into Year 6 our son got the exceptional teacher we wanted him to have!! Huzzah, we thought.
Son came home in tears from school next day saying that they were now moving him out of Mrs X’s class and in to Mr Y’s.
Now thankfully, we had put up with the teacher he’d had that year, with nary a complaint (unlike the other parents who filed complaints with DECD, so when I rang and said ……. “No, no way, not going to happen” surprisingly they listened!! So … save your battles for the whoppers … they will happen!!
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I wonder how many teachers write letters to principals asking not to have certain students or parents in their class.
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Our principal is very aware of ‘those’ parents. She moves these parents around between classes to make sure teachers get a break and aren’t overly loaded with the same negative trouble makers each year. We all get our turn. I’m talking the extreme types here.
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At our transition to school program the other day the principal got up in front off all the parents and new kindy kids and said they had been given many requests for year 6 buddies to be matched up to particular kindy child and explained why this wouldn’t happen. Mostly, I was SO impressed as she said all this speaking TO the children… and said that at our school and in our community we share friendships and believe it is important to build lots of new friendships, not just stick with ones we know. She then turned to the parents and said she trusted she had our full support with this. Love this new school already
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This cracked me up!
I am a primary teacher in VIC and THE exact same thing happened to me last week – parent wanted to meet to talk
about child’s results (cos they couldn’t wait 2 weeks for the report) and then parent completely flipped the whole interview around to whinge about teachers, try to find out what class child will be in and will child be with their friends.
Your article is very timely!
And of course as a professional I just smiled and was very diplomatic. But inside I felt like saying, “lady, get a grip!”
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Ok, I’ll accept there’s the rare ocassion where you need to put forward requests and preferences re peers and teachers. But kindergarten?
My first child is starting school next year and I’m blown away by the requests I’ve heard about for kindy kids next year. Yep, parents of children who have *never even stepped foot inside the school* are requesting and rejecting class mates and teachers. Please….
When I expressed my surprise at the level of micro-management, one mother tried to contaminate me with the PANIC of it all….. “If you don’t put in a request for year 1, your child will be lumped with the ‘problem children’ because you didn’t say anything….”
To me, that attitude is so rude, intolerant and over-entitled I just don’t know where to start!
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Totally agree. Also, isn’t it just common sense that being in classes with all sorts of kids with different abilities and behaviours, is actually one of the most important things you can learn at school? If we place our kids with only perfect children, and the best teachers, how would they cope in the real world, when they get to uni, when they get a job, etc.?
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I once worked with a principal who had a saying. “10% of children are gifted PLUS your child!” As a teacher I know that 75 of parents think their child is ‘special’ and should be given special consideration!!
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And yet the research shows that a parent is more likely to be correct then the teacher when they believe that their child is advanced for their age, and that often parents even underestimate (Dr Louise Porter has a great article on that).
My biggest is problem with ‘gifted education’ is a stupid term like ‘gifted’ is used.
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I agree!! I really resent the notion of telling a young child they are ‘gifted’.
What then, the rest of us are muggles?
A really good family friend of mine was told she was gifted from a very early age and it eventually turned into a huge burden for her- she burnt herself out by the time she was 17 and had a pretty bad time getting over this. Not saying this is necessarily the norm, but seriously, a child is a child! Stop the ‘gifted’ crap lol
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Bec, I think it is important to provide a little context to your claim. This study that you refer to was conducted in 1976, I don’t mean to be a skeptic but I think it is fair to suggest that parenting attitudes and educational programs have changed significantly since then. While it is certainly possible a similar trend exists I think it is fair to suggest that it is highly plausible that in todays age the trend may be very different. Also Dr porter does not actually say that parents often underestimate giftedness she adds a qualifier “highly educated parents’ often underestimate because they themselves may be gifted ( IQ is hereditary after all) and associate with gifted people. This I think is a very important distiction.
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Happy for someone to be a skeptic about it! I’ve no idea what the parenting/school scene is like today apart from what friends have warned me about. Dr Porter’s article resonated with me because it matched my experiences back *mumble* years ago. If teachers and parents have gotten better at identifying student needs and keeping students interested, engaged and enjoying learning new things then I’m glad for it.
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my dad WAS the principal, so I always ended up in the right class! except for the tiny country school where there were two year groups in one class.
teachers & principals do a pretty good job of this, though. they know exactly how gifted your child is (better than you do) and of course they know who their friends are and whether or not they are a good influence. just let it go!
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In my experience the teachers were great at picking up on gifted kids that were also teacher pleasers, but less effective at working out the non conformist types.
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hilarious! thanks for the belly laugh kate!
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Thank you so much Kate.
As the parent of exceptionally gifted children I shall find this quite useful. It’s such a busy time of year and I just didn’t know how I was going to find time to sit down and write this up.
Thanks again
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You’re very welcome, Renee! I don’t know why people say we mums are unsupportive of one another.
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No Mummy wars here!
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We have had the reverse happen to us. Our teacher this year has asked us to provide some names of children we would like our daughter to be with next year.
My husband has brain cancer which will be terminal and so my daughter is dealing with issues the average 7 year old doesn’t deal with usually at home at this age.
Also, this time last year, at the start of Grade 2 my daughter was coming to terms with her Dad’s cancer, I had just given birth to a baby who was 2 months early and was in NICU for a few weeks and she also had to change schools due to my husband’s illness. Understandably this made the start of this school year very traumatic for my daughter.
The school has said to us that as she had such a difficult time last year (and during this year) they want to make next year’s transition as easy as possible for her.
I have given them a list of 5 girls she is particularly friendly with and said that if she could be with 1 of them I would be grateful. I have left it up to the school to decide which one will be the best fit and which teacher will be best.
I am so grateful for the school coming to us and letting us know they want to make things a bit easier for her at the start of next year as it is not something I would have ever approached the school about myself.
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Thank you so much for some perspective. At this crazy time of year thank you foe reminding me what is important in life and who my children get as a teacher doesnt really rate… I hope your family has a beautiful Christmas.
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Hi kathl29, School communities can be awesome in a crisis can’t they? Last year the mum of a little girl in my daughter’s class was terribly ill, and the teacher bought a packed lunch each day for the girl for months. It was a little thing, but much appreciated. So many teachers do so many things we never hear about. I hope you and your family have a happy Christmas together.
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Wishing the very best of Christmas’s for you and your family.
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I’m moved by your story Kathl29. Have a Happy Christmas break – sending you strength for the challenges to come
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My school only had 50 kids from K-6. There was no luxury of changing classes you were stuck with these kids forever. We all turned out alright though. The school is still open and they still only have 50 kids.
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I seriously detest helicopter parents, parents who have deluisions of grandeur about their child, parents who brag about their child, and parents who are just simply too precious about their child. Dont these parents realise they are the talk of the staffroom…
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EXACTLY!
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I think it’s really unprofessional for teacher’s to sit around the staff room talking down parents. At the end of the day parents just want the best for their children. The vast majority of the time there is no ill intention. Parents prepared to speak out about all sorts of issues at schools know they are labelled as the trouble maker – that is why they are in the minority – the majority of parents are too scared to be labelled by teachers and worry their kids will be effected.
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Buy my son was exceptional. Exceptionally naughty. He was always up to something, couldn’t sit still for more than a few minutes and was always laughing. He had that much energy he would exhaust you by just watching him.
I never asked for a particular teacher for him but I bet teachers asked not to have him. One told me once that she dreaded wet days because he was worse if he couldn’t get outside. She was right. He would have been hard work.
He’s a gorgeous young man now, still naughty and still laughing.
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Too funny! I think I am in the same position as you were, just that I have a daughter(exhausting just to watch her)…
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Neither of my kids schools accept parent requests regarding which class they’re in and don’t release the class lists until the week before school starts for the year! Oh, the anxiety!
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Thats how it was at my school too back in the day. Going to look at the class list was terribly exciting and scary!
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At my school you only found out classes on the first day of the year!
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