“Maggie has so much potential that has been hiding under her extra weight.”
So says the blurb from the new kids’ book by Paul Kramer. In case we’re not sure exactly where he’s going with that, we have the cover image, which depicts a chubby girl in pigtails holding a pink dress before her, gazing longingly at a thin version of herself reflected in a mirror.
Maggie, you see, is fourteen. And the book – called, creatively enough, Maggie Goes On A Diet – is aimed at pre-teens; particularly, girls aged six to twelve. Yes, you read it right. A diet book for girls aged six to twelve.
As the mother of two daughters, aged ten and three, I nearly wept when I saw this book – and I’m not exaggerating for effect. I worry enormously about the pressures my girls will face as they get older – pressures to be beautiful, to be skinny, to achieve the ‘perfect’ figures of models and actresses and heavily airbrushed celebrities. I do everything I can to protect them from eating disorders and from distorted body images. The idea that someone would write such a book – and that, presumably, some people will buy it for their young daughters – breaks my heart.
So what is wrong with this book? Well, what isn’t? For a start, kids don’t need diet books because when kids are overweight it is not their fault. None of my three kids has access to food that I do not buy for them, or give them money to purchase. Of course, they do go to birthday parties, and yes, they eat crap there, but no-one gets fat from eating cake once a week, and besides, I’ve taught them moderation so they don’t eat everything in sight.
An overweight pre-teen does not need a diet book. An overweight pre-teen needs a parent who is prepared to make lifestyle changes so that none of their children becomes overweight. A parent who buys healthy food. A parent who teaches their kids to eat when they’re hungry and stop when they’re full. A parent who encourages their kids to get outside and run around. It is utterly unfair to put the onus on the child, particularly a child as young as six to twelve years.
Secondly, diets do not work. I have been banging on about that for years and I’ll stress it again: diets do not work. Diets are about ‘good’ and ‘bad’ foods. Diets are about deprivation and hunger. Diets are about ignoring our bodies’ signals and eating what somebody else tells us to eat. And – here’s the crunch – diets have less than a five percent success rate. They do not work! So any parent who puts their pre-teen on a ‘diet’ is setting them up for failure, and quite probably a lifetime of yo-yo dieting and cycles of gain and loss and gain.
Thirdly, and most significantly, puberty is the most vulnerable time for girls to develop anorexia and other eating disorders. And one of the primary triggers for anorexia is pressure to lose weight. Imagine handing a little girl a copy of Maggie Goes On A Diet and saying ‘Look honey! Maggie did it! So can you!’ I can’t ever imagine doing that to my child, and I hope no other mother does it to hers.
There is, however, one good thing I can say about Maggie Goes On A Diet. Paul Kramer has self-published his book, which presumably means that mainstream publishers rejected it. I hope that sanity prevails, and the general public do the same thing.
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MARGE GETS AN EATING DISORDER
@Copyright September 2011, Size Of My Life Inc.
By: Karen Cigna
Marge’s mom called to her that it was time to get up and get ready for school. Marge wondered “How come her mom did not know, although Marge always told her, that Marge woke up every day at 5:30 a.m., a half hour before her parents’ alarm clock went off every morning?” Marge answered her own question “Because my mom never hears anything I say.”
In fact, not only did Marge wake up every day at 5:30 a.m., she had the same conversation inside her own head every day. It went something like this:
“Today, I do not want to wear the jeans and shirt hanging on the handle of my closet, which I settled on after two hours of trying on all of my clothes last night, and deciding, that I looked fat and ugly in everything I own! Why do I have to take after my dad’s family? Mom says the fact that I have a small waist and that I have bigger thighs and a bigger butt than most of my friends (which she also describes as my being “bottom heavy” or “pear shaped”) is, unfortunately, something I will always have to worry about, being short at five feet and three inches. BTW, which means by the way, whenever she says this, which is at least once a day, it makes me want to scream !
Yesterday, I asked Mom to please, please, please take me shopping for some new sweaters, because the boys in school, had been saying “Large Marge, we love your tight sweaters, the tighter the better for those boobs on the move”. Really, what is their problem, I am only a thirty-four “B” cup, is it my fault my boobs popped out before most of the girls my age. Besides I know I do not wear my sweaters too tight, because I pass mom’s and my dad’s inspection every morning, and they are the first to tell me that my boobs look too big, if they do in a particular sweater. In fact, dad will usually say something like this, if he thinks something makes my boobs look too big “Ellen (my mom), does Marge need a better support bra, because that sweater is doing nothing for her upper body.” Mom, tells dad and I she is not taking me shopping until I lose at least five pounds , because she refuses to buy me a bigger size in clothing.
This is so annoying, when did everyone become obsessed with the size of my body , including me?
It seems like all my parents used to talk about was my school grades, what number grade I received on a test, and whether or not I was going to make Honor Roll, now all they talk about is “Marge that outfit makes you look like you have a stomach roll, and what do the numbers on the scale say you weigh?” My mom loves to remind me “Marge, remember you can never be thin enough or smart enough.”
The girls in gym class say that I am so lucky to be one of the first to have boobs and need a real bra, not just a pretend, training bra. My soccer coach overheard them saying this when we were in the locker room changing for practice, and yelled at all of us, that she “ Would rather hear us talking about the size of our soccer skills, instead of the size of our bodies, to finish changing, and hustle our butts to the field.”
Coach also says that I am the best forward on the team, I have a strong and powerful kick, and that if I spent some time running, on my own, every day to get my stamina up, I would be the strongest player on the team. She says I need more focus. I guess I know what she is talking about, as to the focus thing, I spend too much time on the field comparing my body to every other girls’ on the team, that I miss too many chances to make a goal. It is almost as if I am moving down the field in a fog, until I hear everyone screaming “Marge you got this one, let’s score!”
That’s it my mother, my father, the boys at school who call me “Large Marge” (whether it is because of my boobs or not) the girls in school, who are so skinny and have no thighs, butt, or boobs, and always talk about how fat they are (they must really think I am “Large Marge”) and my soccer coach are all soooo right I am soooo fat, and I am starting a new diet today.
I am making a list of what foods I can’t eat on my new diet. I will not eat any carbohydrates, or as mom says “carbs”. Especially bread or pasta (mom always talks about how much weight those foods make her gain whenever we eat them, although I never see a change in her body after she eats them). Definetly, positively, no chips or candy, even right before soccer practice, when most of the girls are having one of these snacks. No French fries, hamburgers, pizza, cookies, cake or ice cream. No peanut butter and jelly on a bagel for breakfast, no pancakes, French toast or eggs and bacon on Sunday mornings. No milk, especially chocolate milk, no bananas, nuts, cheese or anything else fatty.
“Marge, hurry up your breakfast is getting cold”, mom calls, as I finish brushing my hair. “I am not very hungry this morning mom”, I say, because if I skip breakfast, think of all the calories I can skip as I start my day, I will be so ahead on my diet!
On the bus I sit next to my best friend Lizzie. She weighs the same as me but is five feet seven inches, which just because of her height makes her so much thinner than me. I tell Lizzie about my new diet, the list of foods I will no longer be eating and my plan to only eat a salad and diet soda for lunch. “Marge are you kidding me?” she says, “What are you going to eat, you basically just made all the foods served in the school cafeteria at lunch, off limits. You will be starving by the time we have soccer practice!” I say “That’s the point! Think of all the calories I will burn from starving all day and then during soccer I will burn even more calories, not having eaten more than a salad today.”
Lizzie, goes on to say “Marge I think you are making a big mistake, my mom always talks about eating everything, but listening to your body, eating when you are hungry and stopping when you are full.” I say “We’ll see, all I need to do is lose five pounds and then my mom will buy me some new sweaters”. I say that as I think “Lizzie and her mother do not know what they are talking about , after all, they are tall, but my mom is always dieting and is always hungry. In fact, she says if she ate what she was hungry for she would be as big as a house.”
At lunch I and Lizzie and a few other friends of ours from the soccer team eat together. I buy a salad without any dressing and a diet soda. Lizzie has a chicken cutlet sandwich, with mayo on a roll, that her mom made for her, a snack bag of ruffles chips, a water and an apple. I eat every drop of my salad, and Lizzie is right I am starving. I watch Lizzie eat, and amazingly she seems to eat half of everything her mother packed for her. “Marge you want some of my lunch?” Lizzie asks. I say “No, You eat it.” She says “Are you sure, I am full, I do not want any more, I am going to throw it away, if you do not want it”. All of these words seem like a foreign language to me. In my house there is never talk about being full or not wanting any more food. The talk is always about how much we should or should not be eating, and what we should or should not be eating. I have noticed that not only does Lizzie talk like this, but so does her three year old brother, her mother, her father and her older sister. I wish I could be like Lizzie and her family when it comes to food, but I have the curse of the “pear shaped” family.
It is time to change for soccer practice, I look around at the girls in the locker room, to see who is the fattest and I am sure it is me. I look at how flat everyone’s stomach looks, and I think , a few more weeks of salad and that is how my stomach will look. I keep this thought in my head as I watch the girls all share their pre-practice snacks. There are so many different choices, granola bars, raisins, chips, grapes, starbursts, but I am not having anything.
We hustle onto the field. I am really trying to keep my focus on the game, but half way through practice my stomach is grumbling, and it is starting to hurt. I tell myself, that this is good, my diet is working. I am also so much more tired than I usually am at practice, and I miss a possible goal. The coach makes me do an extra lap around the field at the end of practice. She says it is “So I can focus on my “lack of focus” during the game”.
Lizzie is waiting for me in the locker room, she offers me some Gatorade, no thanks I say. “Wow”, she says, “You are really sticking to this diet of yours.” I feel so proud of myself, it makes it easier to watch all the girls drinking Gatorade and eating snacks after practice. We get on the school bus to go home, and my stomach feels so empty, I love this new feeling.
I start trying to figure out how I can eat as little food as possible for the rest of the day, and especially at dinner. Even with soccer practice, I will still be home before my parents, and it is my job to start getting dinner ready. I will make a deal with myself to not eat anything before my parents get home, instead I will make a list of things I can do instead of eat. I will: start dinner; set the table; do my homework; pick out clothes for tomorrow; pack my backpack; and clean my room, and then and only when my parents come home, I can eat one serving of that part of dinner that has no carbs, or fat.
It is three weeks and I have been doing everything I started doing on the first day of my diet, three weeks ago. I have lost ten pounds. Mom said we could definetly go shopping for new sweaters this weekend. I am so happy, I wanted to lose five pounds but now I have lost ten pounds! Mom and dad say I should keep up the good work, which is a little confusing because I thought I looked good at this weight, but maybe they are right maybe I should lose more weight. All my extra running is helping also. I now get up at 5:00am and run until 6:00am so I am home just in time to hear mom’s alarm go off.
Everyone seems really happy for me, except for my best friend Lizzie. She wants me to stop losing weight. What is up with that? Is she jealous? Lizzie says “Marge, I know losing weight was important to you, I thought you looked great before you went on this diet, but if you wanted to lose weight I understand, but now that you have, please eat something other than salad for lunch, and please eat something, even if it is fruit, before and after soccer practice. I tell Lizzie “You are so dramatic, I am fine”.
It is two months since I started my diet and I have lost seventeen pounds. My mom is so excited she can’t wait to take me shopping. My dad is calling me “Skinny Minnie”. All I know is, I need to buy some really warm clothing, because although it is May, I am cold all the time. I have a chill I cannot get rid of. I am not sleeping well at night. I dream of eating candy and ice cream, I am so afraid if I let myself taste candy, chips or ice cream I will not be able to stop eating. However, I seem to be tired all the time and fall asleep in class. I was dizzy the other day at soccer practice and fell down . Lizzie is convinced I fell because I am dizzy from not eating, she could be right, but I will never tell her that
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I have to get changed for soccer practice we have a big game tomorrow against our biggest rival so everyone is pumped up for a good practice. I take my place as a center forward, at the center front line, and I have the ball, I am passing it to Lizzie who is immediately to my right, and then everything goes black. I wake up on the side of the field, with all these faces looming over me, and coach holding something in front of my nose, which I later find out is smelling salts. I try to sit up too fast and I get dizzy and start to throw up, but nothing is coming up, which I guess makes sense because I did not even eat a salad today. The coach tells me to take it easy and just rest, an ambulance is on its way, and I say “No. Coach I am fine, really.” Coach says “Marge, I am telling you do not move, this is the second time you fell at practice in the same week, Lizzie told me you were dizzy the other day, and today you passed out cold. You will go in an ambulance to be checked out .” I am so mad at Lizzie right now, what a snitch. Lizzie mouths sorry, as the ambulance attendants take my blood pressure, which they tell coach is extremely low for my age. Coach rides with me in the ambulance to the hospital. I feel really scared, but I am not sure why. Then I realize, I am afraid that at the hospital they are going to examine me and they will know about the fact that I have been taking laxatives, because I stopped going to the bathroom, and my stomach felt so bloated. Will they be able to tell that two weeks ago, I could not take the starving anymore, because I am so weak and have no will-power and that I binged on boxes of cookies and bags of chips and then made myself puke. What are they going to see, figure out, know? What will they tell my parents, who coach called to meet us at the hospital?
I am sitting on a hospital bed and wearing one of those backless hospital gowns. The emergency room doctor finished his examination of me, and said “Marge, I see you have lost seventeen pounds in s short amount of time”. All I can think is “Oh no, he knows”. All of a sudden I hear the emergency room doctor is telling my parents that my electrolytes are extremely low, which is most likely caused from anorexic behavior or starving , as well as bulimic behavior , binging and puking. He picks up my hand and points to the knuckles of my pointer and middle fingers, where he shows them the evidence of the skin scraped away by my teeth , which is caused when I stick my fingers down my throat to gag myself until I puke. He examines my teeth and explains that he is checking for signs of the tooth enamel being worn away by the stomach acid that comes up with regurgitated food.
He says since there does not appear to be much, if any, enamel worn away on my teeth, I am probably only in the early stages of bulimia. My dad says that’s good then isn’t it?”. The doctor says there is nothing good about bulimia, it is like being pregnant, you can’t be a little pregnant or a little bulimic, you either are or you aren‘t. He indicates that although my weight is not so low as to require hospitalization he recommends immediate counseling with an eating disorder specialist. He talks about the fact that he has seen too many girls start out on a diet and die. He points out that the word DIE-t, actually contains the word DIE. The nurse give us all types of pamphlet s on “eating disorder awareness”, including a pamphlet about exercise bulimia. My mother is crying, my father keeps saying don’t worry “Skinny Minnie” we will get you help. The nurse who is giving us the pamphlets says sir, “I hate to intrude, but calling your daughter “Skinny Minnie” and putting an emphasis on her body size is not in her best interest”. My father , of course, tells the nurse to mind her own business.
Coach is in the waiting room, and my parents tell her what the doctor and nurse said, they also tell her they can’t believe any of this is true, after all, what is wrong with a little dieting. Coach says that she has had some concern for me, she has been noticing the weight loss, the refusal to eat or drink anything before or after practice, as well as that I am less focused than I have ever been. She explains she was hesitant to define what was going on as an eating disorder because she knows from experience that if a student has an eating disorder, a coach or teacher “ labeling” it as such, usually makes the student reinforce the disordered eating patterns, as they refuse to admit anything is wrong. She further explains that not only does the student revert into denial, the parents usually follow suit. She goes on to say she agrees with the doctor and the nurse and is suspending me from the team until I get a doctor’s note that says I am receiving treatment for my eating disorder and I am both physically and mentally, healthy enough to engage in the sport. Specifically, coach informs us that she is sending me to Ms. Lively, the school guidance counselor, who will help me coordinate my treatment plan. My parents are furious at coach and so am I. Mostly, I am furious at Lizzie, she is the one who snitched to coach on me.
The next day I go to school and everyone is talking about the ambulance, and my passing out. The boys are actually saying it was “Large Marge’s boobs on the move that tipped her over and made her pass out” Yes, even with my weight loss, my boobs, are big as far as the boys are concerned. I am told to report to the guidance counselor instead of going to gym. I have seen her around, she is beautiful, I would not say she is thin or fat, she seems just the right size for her. Some girls say she should lose weight, and others say she has a hot curvy body that men love. All I know is she always has a great smile, wears such nice clothes and looks so comfortable in her own skin.
When I walk into Ms. Lively’s office, she says please take a seat Marge. She asks me if I want some bottled water, I take one and say thanks. She asks me if I like being called Marge or do I prefer Margie. The funny thing was I never thought about it before, but the truth was I felt like Marge sounded too old for me, I liked Margie. She said Margie, I would like to help you work though your eating disorder. I said “Thanks but I do not have an eating disorder”. She said I understand you do not want to admit you have an eating disorder because first of all you do not want to acknowledge you have a problem and secondly, you do not want to give up the behaviors of starving, then eventually binging and vomiting. She gave me a test to take home , a test about an eating disorder! She asked me to read through a list and see how many of the things on the list I related to. All I could think was “Are you kidding me, as if I do not have enough to do between school and soccer practice, now I have a take-home test?” Then I realized ,right now, I did not have soccer practice I was indefinetly benched.
The next day on the bus Lizzie asked me if I was still mad at her, and I said yes. I did not talk to her on the bus, and instead did my “take-home eating disorder test. I was surprised to see how many things on the list applied to me. I still did not believe I had an eating disorder, but I was starting to think I wanted to know more about this eating disorder thing.
At school Miss Lively asked for my test, and we talked about how many things on the list applied to me. Then we talked about eating disorders being deadly. At first I thought she was just trying to scare me, but the more I heard the statistics, I started to believe maybe this is really a big problem, for a lot of other people, not me, but for a lot of other people, especially young girls.
I met with Miss Lively like this twice a week. During the times we met we talked about a lot of different things. First we talked about the fact that before I dieted I may not have been considered “skinny”, but my body size was within a healthy range for my height. We talked about the fact that I often felt uncomfortable about my sexuality and the changes my body was undergoing as a result of puberty, especially, since the boys made fun of my breasts, and my parents seemed to always be scrutinizing the way my breasts and body were changing. We talked about my mother’s preoccupation with her own weight, as well as mine, and Ms. Lively suggested that just because my mother valued appearance above all else maybe, just maybe, I did not want to believe my value as a person was solely based on my appearance. We talked about my trying to love myself and be my own friend and I came to realize just how mean, violent and self-destructive bulimia was .
I told Ms. Lively how I envied Lizzie and her family, because they seemed to have such a “normal” relationship with food, in that they ate when they were hungry and stopped when they were full, and were not overweight. Ms. Lively explained, that this is how she, herself eats, and that there was a time when she, also, did not believe it was possible. She continued to explain that if I choose to see food as just food and not as comfort, fun, a reward, a way to deal with boredom, being sad, being mad, or being happy, it would be easier to start noticing when my body was physically hungry and when it was physically full.
During one of these two weekly meeting we would eat lunch together, and she taught me how to take time to taste my food, and decide if I really like what I was eating. She taught me I did not have to treat my body like a garbage pail, and that I could stop eating if I did not like something or was full. That it was more of a waste to eat something I was not hungry for than to throw it away. She taught me to trust my body and my hunger, and to know that I was not going to be this out-of-control person stuffing and gorging myself if I truly listened to my body and it’s physical hunger. As I started to eat again, without puking, and as I included a nutritious food plan, I noticed that I was no longer freezing all the time, nor was I dreaming of food.
All of a sudden it was the end of June, and the school year was coming to an end. Ms. Lively, gave me some assignments to do over the summer including seeing an eating disorder specialist. She said she was hoping to be able to help me get back to active status on the soccer team in September. On the last day of classes before the summer vacation Ms. Lively called me into the office and asked me to eat lunch with her one last time. After we ate she gave me a box, wrapped in paisley paper. When I opened it here was a box and the box had writing o nit that said “The size of my life is not defined by the size of my body. The key to the size of my life is knowing and voicing what is in my own heart .” Honestly, it sounded a little corny and sappy to me, but the box was pretty, it had stickers all over it that said things like courage, dream, love, adventure, breathe, laugh, dance, sing. Ms. Lively said I should open the box. Inside there was another box, a smaller one , the size of a jewelry box, and when I opened it there was a silver key on a chain with the words “Size Of My Life” inscribed on it.
It was very pretty. I said thank you, although I was not sure what all of this meant. Then Ms. Lively said, Margie, I know you have had a hard year, and you came here and confided in me about your secrets and I want to share a secret with you, when I was your age, fourteen, I also started out to DIE-t , and I ended up with an eating disorder similar to yours, and it took me a very long time before I realized that no matter how small the size of my body was, and no matter how small the size of my clothing was, after I starved and whittled my body away, I was never happy in my own skin, until I learned to love myself from the inside-out.
Ms. Lively continued on to say “Maggie I am so proud of all of the hard work you have done, and will do this summer, so I wanted you to have the, very, key I had made for myself, when I first recovered from bulimia, to always remind myself that I would no longer define the size of my liife by the size of my body”. I gave Ms. Lively a hug, I could not believe she trusted this secret and this key to me, but I felt very special.
Ms. Lively will always have a special place in my heart because she helped me to learn how to eat all over again. She helped me to learn to look at myself as being more than just the size of my body.
In fact, over that summer, with my eating disorder specialist, I learned that my body size was just one part of me. I decided that I would not define myself by the size of my body but by the size of my life, which included everything I loved, my friends, my family, school, soccer, my ability to laugh and make silly jokes.
My eating disorder specialist, also helped me to realize part of my extreme behaviors with starving , binging and puking were because I did not know how to communicate what I really needed and wanted from my parents, when I did not want them to be talking about my body and judging it as if I was not even in the room, and that controlling food was the only way I felt any sense of control over all the changes around me, my body and my life.
I also learned that my starving caused my metabolism to slow down and made it difficult for my body to digest and release the normal waste products, and that is why I found myself needing laxatives to go to the bathroom. I was also warned that abuse of laxatives could literally cuase my sphincter muscles to lose the ability to work. OMG (Oh My God)! that may have been TMI (Too Much Information)!, but I guess I needed to know it, so I would no longer hurt myself
I stopped comparing my body size to the size of other girls, including my best friend Lizzie, and I saw people as being more than the size of their body, I thought of them by their smile, laugh, ability to fake-out an opponent on the soccer field and make a goal.
The following September, when I saw Ms. Lively in the hall way I finally, understood why she looked so comfortable in her own skin, because she valued herself from the inside-out, and you could see it in the way she walked and smiled. My soccer game was never better, because I ate in a healthy way that allowed me to have all the energy I needed for soccer!!! Lastly, when the boys called me Large Marge, I just focused my anger on dribbling that soccer ball straight down the field, and scoring a goal, instead of focusing my anger on myself and my body.
NOTE TO PARENTS: Our children are at a higher risk than ever for eating disorders. DIE-ting is often the road to DIE-ing. We have an important responsibility to our children, each other and the world at large, to teach and encourage a healthy relationship with food, exercise, and body image , which is life-giving. If your child is gaining weight consider the fact that their brains and bodies are not fully formed yet, and that any food choices you may be encouraging should provide for proper nutrition and balance. Look at your own relationship with food and your body, and consider just what you are teaching your children about how you feel about your body, yourself, their body and them.
By Karen Cigna @Copyright Septmeber 2011, Size Of My Life Inc
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Hate the use of my name! But beyond that I note that the author of this piece does not have an overweight child. I have one child who has always been overweight and two who are not. So what about your theory that it’s something about the parent’s behaviour? I’m sick and tired of mother blaming – and you are merely perpetuating this. While I’m not that keen on diets for kids there is no doubt that some children need more guidance with their food consumption. A book aimed at teenage boys would have been very useful for my son who doesn’t seem to have the same “off” switch as his siblings and needs to monitor his intake.
I found this whole post sanctimonious and mother blaming. How about some support for those of us who don’t have perfect children and whose kids need guidance about diet and nutrition? Maybe not this book but there is certainly a need for something to help kids and families
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Clearly written by a Male. Books relating to kids of this age should be directed at the parents not the children, its us parents that feed the kids, very sad.
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I am the biggest advocate of positive role models for children and teaching them early that models and actors are airbrushed (I work in the industry) to look flawless and “real” girls or women don’t necessarily look like that. BUT, given the ridiculous amount of obese children in the US (I imagine this is where this book has come from) I think the character Maggie could be a positive role model to those children. I don’t think this book is aimed at your average 3 or 10 year old who outgrow a bit of puppy fat. Obese children, often from obese parents, need some encouragement to break the cycle of unhealthy eating which leads to unhealthy self esteem. I do not for one minute advocate young girls go on a diet, but I feel we are missing the point at who the target audience might be.
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I can see why you posted as anonymous. Well, I was an obese child and am now an obese adult. I grew up during the 80s and 90s and played outside for hours on end and was still fat. Why? Genetics. Yes, some obese children will outgrow their obesity but what about the rest of the children? Children need to be loved and respected, regardless of what size they are. Yes, this could be a healthy role model for them but what if they don’t lose weight. I’ve been on diets since I was six years old, only to lose the weight and gain it back. What should the children do then? Go run and hide in the corner because it’s ridiculous to people like you?
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What is puppy fat? Fat is fat and you can see when a toddler is carrying too much. I get annoyed when I see mothers with great toned bodies, who were probably brought up in the sensible meat-and-three-veg generation, with obese children who are being brought up in the processed food, drive everywhere generation. It’s not genetic, it’s behavioural.
If people don’t like the angle of this book, perhaps someone could write, “Maggie and her family make drastic lifestyle changes (even if the horse has already bolted)”
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On one hand we have the serious problem of childhood obesity. On the other hand we have young girls that are of a healthy weight that are already acutely aware of body image and what the “right” body looks like that are trying to diet. Is there something wrong with this picture??
I totally agree with those saying it’s the parents responsibility. If a young child is overweight, what are the parents feeding him/her? I am also of the mindset that parents who are constantly scrutinizing their own bodies and going on diets in front of their children are setting the kids up for the exact same pattern. The fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree.
As a child my parents fed me healthy food but did let me have the occasional McDonald’s/Pizza Hut/chocolate snacks so I didn’t see this food as “bad” and therefore desire it more. My mother never made comments about my weight or my looks nor did she make comments about her own body in front of me. As a child what my body looked like didn’t even occur to me!! As long as I could run, jump, do hand-stands etc, that was all that mattered! If I’d grown up in a different environment, that might not be the case. As a teen, although I wasn’t always 100% happy, I still had reasonably good body image and I believe this is partly due to the way I was raised.
As for the book…well, I believe that is probably TRYING to send a good message but maybe it’s going about it the wrong way.
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Good lord Kerrie you’ve come in for it in this post! Who knew there were so many self published bloggers/commentators out there. Or people analyzing every single word & response and going back & forward…it’s all very negative. I think I’m getting fed up with the whole notion of commenting and reading comments on blogs, btw. !
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I am a mother of girls who are a healthy size and weight but they have a few friends who are not and cant fit into the clothes or even school uniforms their friends wear. Its very sad when you have kids over who cant even borrow a swimming costume or change of clothes because they are so overweight they wear clothes in adult sizes at the age of 8. The harsh reality is that there are a lot of overweight kids around. They are overweight because they are eating too much and the wrong foods. Kids who never eat fruit and vegetables and kids who drink cans of coke every day.
Usually its because their parents have no idea themselves, cant be bothered or are too busy to buy and cook healthy meals for them. You also have to be engaged with and around your kids to monitor what they buy themselves. The parents who need to listen to this message are the ones who will ignore it. So for the sake of a childs longterm health, if they themselves can get some positive messages from the book about healthy eating its better than nothing at all.
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I don’t see that there is any problem in giving this book “free” publicity. Although Kerri obviously doesn’t agree with the book’s premise or goals, it’s still a worthy subject of discussion and using it to jump start that discussion is worth a bit of “free” publicity.
Some people feel strongly about this subject matter, others not so much. But it’s a really interesting discussion and I don’t think anyone who is against the idea is going to go out and buy the book just on the basis of this post.
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Kerri, its great that your a wonderful parent with a healthy attitude to eating which you are passing on to your kids, but unfortunately many children aren’t that lucky and either have parents who either dont know enough about nutrition themselves or dont care what their kids eat, or who pass on negative habits of another kind.
I had two parents that were extremely image concious and forced me to diet from when I was quite young, consequently I ended up suffering from both bulimia and anorexia over the years and saw many therapists.
Maybe this book isn’t perfect, but there are a lot of kids that desperately need somewhere to turn for guidence on this topic.
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But isn’t that exactly Kerri’s point? That by pushing dieting (with this book) on young girls the risk of them getting eating disorders is increased. I think Kerri’s point is that a book like this won’t necessarily help young kids becoming healthy eaters, it’ll only highlight the fact that in order to fit in you need to be thin. A book about healthy eating and lifestyle habits might be more appropriate than a dieting book.
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well said!
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The cover and the title weren’t the best choice (though I’ve never taken the word diet to only refer to eating plans like South Beach, WW etc.) but the message of the book seems perfectly reasonable. It’s not a diet book for kids, because it doesn’t appear to be promoting any particular eating plan, other than a generally healthy one.
I was an overweight kid. A book like this certainly wouldn’t have scarred me. I was perfectly aware that I was fat, and actually used to wish someone would say something instead of pretending it was fine.
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agree completely
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This is my response : http://www.lawsonry.com/661-pretty/
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This book is an abomination and every body image and eating disorder expert I know has been apalled today for all of the reasons you raise Kerri and many more. I could go on but just wanted to add to the conversation that if any parent is looking for a wonderful children’s book about food, eating, weight, body image and size to buy ‘Full Mouse, Empty Mouse’ by Dina Zeckhausen. It pays particular attention to getting children to understand why sometimes we may eat more than we need or feels comfortable to our body when we have negative feelings such as sadness or loneliness and also why we can also turn away from food and not eat enough at such times. It’s gorgeous and can be read to or with a child with confidence that, unlike this book, their body confidence and self esteem will not be shattered.
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Good post Kerri, I agree with you – I would never buy such a book for my children, how upsetting to receive it!
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Having recently seen an obese mother buying her 3 obese children an afternoon snack at Mcdonalds, I can only think the book should be titled “Maggie and her Mum go on a diet”.
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You know NOTHING about this lady or her children other than her size, which is none of your business anyway. This comment is offensive.
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Flotsam, i think Anonymous raises a good point. Parents need to be educated more than children, if the children are to have any hope. Although I am all for not judging a book by its cover, there are so many other options (and cheap and quick ones) than taking your children to McDonalds. I don’t find the comment offensive, i think it is insightful and states why our country has such an accelerated rate of obesity? It is a generalization, but its true. We put and control 95% of the food that our children eat – we should take responsibility.
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I think this brings up the important fact that in most cases it is not the CHILD who needs to be targeted in any weight-loss/healthy eating campaign, more importantly it is the parents who are providing and buying the food.
I spent a year as an exchange student overseas when I was 17. My host sister as 10 years old. Her mum would go on and on at her about her needing to loose weight. We only ate soup for dinner for most of the year (the mum put herself on a diet the week I arrived and never got off it). The thing is, there was a cupboard the mum would also keep stocked full of lollies, chocolates, biscuits, cakies, chips, etc. The daughter would come home from school at 4pm, and from then until 7pm when her mum and dad came home she would tuck in to the goodies cupboard. Of course she did! She is a kid, it looked like the inside of a sweet shop! Why the mum kept stocking it up and at the same time criticizing her daughter I will never understand.
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Thanks Kerri – you are right. As a parent it is my responsibility to provide healthy choices for my children but there is a key factor that is harder to control. The volume of food they eat – if they are constantly hungry I can only offer healthy food I can not refuse to feed them. The calories in healthy food can be enough to create a weight problem.
Obesity is a serious problem that we all need to take responsibility for. This book does not sound like a very responsible way to tackle the problem but we can’t just do nothing. We all need to take action to help our children and teens be comfortable in their own skin but we also need to help them keep their weight under control. Obesity is linked to every major chronic disease including cancer, heart disease and diabetes. We need to do everything we can to protect our children from illness. Just as we would discourage them from smoking we should also discourage them from over eating and consuming the wrong foods.
There is a fine balance between healthy body image and healthy weight. We all have a responsibility to ensure we get this balance right.
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Relating to this, have you heard about Baby Led Weaning? It might not be relevant to older kids, but it’s the idea that a baby instinctively knows how much food it needs, and so, if not ‘force fed’ with a spoon by an eager parent, but rather left to hand feed itself, will learn from very early on how much is enough…
I struggled to believe in the idea when it was time to wean my girl, but I’m trying to let her take the lead these days and not forcing her to eat when she isn’t interested, but obviously still sticking to mealtimes, so she doesn’t become a ‘snacker’ instead… I’m keeping faith in a few words of wisdom: “An otherwise healthy child will not starve to death”.
My point, we probably should start very early on to instill healthy eating habits, yet not stress so much about it that the kids pick up on it. And also accept that people’s shapes and metabolisms are different…
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I’m wondering how Kerri even came across this book? I think the post would have been better without mentioning the book so prominently. It seems to have taken away from Kerri’s point which (I think) has to do with the body image pressures girls face as they get older.
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I would have to agree with your sentiment. By mentioning the book, Kerri has given it the publicity that it wouldn’t otherwise have received. When you are trying to flog something, even negative publicity can be good publicity.
Simply, don’t give air to something that you oppose as some will check it out for no other reason than to find out what all of the fuss is about.
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If anyone reads this publicity then actually buys the book they’re a lost cause anyway. That’s like saying movie critics should only review movies they like and forget about the crap/controversial ones.
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Has anyone looked at the website and seen his picture? It looks like he needs to go on a diet!!
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Well, of course to speak(write) before reading it could be overly judgmental and inappropriate, but I do have to say WTF!!!
Especially, given the blurb itself. “Potential hiding under her extra weight”, mise well be saying “What a pretty face, too bad you are soooo fat”, sounds like a great book if the goal is to keep perpetuating and increasing eating disorder statistics.
Ironic, because I have thought of writing a children’s book, this is sooooo upsetting.
Also children are still growing, in body and mind (BRAIN CELLS ARE STILL BEING FORMED), to promote anything other than balanced meals and exercise, is dangerous, because they need proper nutrition more than the rest of us. Maybe his next titled book can be “Chubby Toddlers, Best Get Toddling Off Those Extra Pounds”.
Wow, I feel guilty for having such a strong reaction, with out reading more. Let’s pray the blurb is an inaccurate depiction of the tone of the book, and that Paul Kramer goes on in his book to explain why “DIE-ts are not a viable choice, especially for childrren, but self-love of themselves and their body size and taking good care of themselves by making good choices, is.
To say I think I have found my very next writing project is an understatement!!!!!!!
AGAIN , I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO THINK MY GUT REACTION TO THIS BOOK TITLE AND THE ACCOMPANYING BLURB ARE PREMATURE AND UNFOUNDED.
Paul Kramer, please, please, let your book make me want to apologize for my visceral reaction.
Maybe this is just a brilliant marketing ploy to make us buy the book, which will explain the dangers of creating eating disordered behaviors in young children, after all I need to read this book NOW!
I agree completely “DIEts don’t work, and a s I say in my “soon to be self-published book”, which I do home is successful, “The Size Of My Life is not defined by the size of my body”. Please join my facebook page “Size Of My Life”.
Thank you for bringing this book to my attention, so I can no what not to read to my 7 year old daughter. Karen Cigna
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Random question… Just curious…
Would people be as concerned (for reasons mentioned both in article and comments) about this book if it was a male on the cover? Is it because she’s a girl that the majority of people are concerned about this text being a contributor to low self esteem/unnecessary dieting/body image issues?
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I’d be just as concerned if it were a boy
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i’d eat my hat if it was a boy on the cover
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A picture says a thousand words doesn’t it?
I usually don’t judge a book on its cover but it’s hard not to with this one.
Would I buy it? No. But I probably would flick through it out of interest. Who knows maybe it will be popular because it’s different?
I don’t like the fact that the girl in the cartoon is dressed in pants and a t-shirt and somehow she’ll look sexier and slimmer in a dress.
It doesn’t just send negative body image regarding diets but also as a girl, if you’re a tomboy – it’s not OK. And I don’t like that.
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i was the sort of child that thought this book would suit me. i was actually a skinny minny. we need to be really aware of looking after a child’s self esteem, i wish i was told that i was fine and that i believed it. unfortunately i spent my childhood and teens feeling fat, god i wish i hadn’t wasted that energy, not to mention the energy i continue to waste on worrying about my weight.
if i was to write a book it would be about looking beyond that image in the mirror and seeing all the nice things about yourself. that is what will help children, knowing that looks and weight don’t matter and that being kind, caring, hardworking etc are what count.
i know health is an issue but if you feel good about yourself you would be less likely to have issues around food.
great post kerri. saved my wallet too, this website recommends far too many awesome books!
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Let’s just say that I’m doing some spot research.
How many people have read the book and are upset because they have sighted and disagree with the topic/content of the book ? How many are just upset because a book about teen dieting has been written ? Are there subjects that should never be written about ?
These are genuine questions and I hope that I haven’t caused offence by asking them. Many thanks.
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The book will be released in October. It has already picked up 5 negative reviews on Barnes and Noble based on it’s title alone.
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I have read the summary, and I am upset that a book about teen dieting has been written.
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I remember one of the books the kids brought home from Primary school. I can’t remember the title, but it had something to do with a Fat Ballerina. In fact, I think that was in the title somewhere. It had a similar premise. Kid was too fat for her ballet, but practised and practised and gave up her biscuits and sweets and suddenly she was skinny enough to be in the show…. That was published by a mainstream publisher. Probably Scholastic, or one of the Young Readers publishers. I think it was one of the Bites Books. I thought the story was a bit naff, but I don’t recall it gaining any contreversy (sp?) at the time.
Despite any other comments I agree with your premise – “dieting” books should not be aimed at children, rather it up to parents to model good nutrition and healthy behaviours.
If you look at the “Aloha Publishing” site, the author obviously sees himself a crusador of chidrens causes and self esteem issues. He’s even written some anti-bullying books (from what I can gather from his blurbs). Put into that context It just makes him look a touch misguided to write about such a “sensitive” topic.
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I think the issue here is how the book can fit in to the broader context of dealing with obesity in children. It’s obviously a very difficult topic for parents and health professionals to deal with, because it can have a huge impact on a child’s self esteem. You want their body to become more healthy without damaging their mind and spirit. Tthere are a whole host of other issues that link in, for example, bullying and anorexia/bulimia. So, the question of “what should I do if my child is fat?” is fraught, and most parents I’m sure hope that they never have to get to that point. But obviously, lots do. So that’s why I liked this post and the discussion about it, because more than just bagging out a book, a lot of the discussion as also been about would putting a child/teenager on a diet be a good idea? Would giving them a book about it be a good idea? I’ve found the post and comments quite helpful in thinking about these questions, and I really appreciate Kerri’s strong point of view.
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I agree with a lot of the commenters saying it’s a bit harsh to blame parents for kids being overweight. I’ve never been particularly skinny, my brother is in the middle, and my sister was always skinny as a kid. We all ate the same stuff growing up. We just have different body types.
Not having read the book, I can’t really comment on it, but it strikes me as the type of thing a parent might get for their kid if there was a need for it? Like if the parents were getting divorced, there are books for kids about that too?
I didn’t particularly enjoy being called “Tank” by my Dad as a kid, but it hasn’t scarred me. Similarly, I guess my sister, uncle and cousin probably don’t like (still) being called “Bones” either, but it’s not something we need to go to therapy about!
Out of the three of us now, my brother is a nazi about “healthy, non fattening” food – to the point of not making stuff that he deems fattening for his kids. My sister eats a bunch of different things, her body shape has changed following 2 pregnancies and 3 kids, but she’s still a lot skinnier than me.
And I hover around a size 16-18 (but who can really tell?) and 85kg 4 1/2 months post-partum. That notwithstanding, according to the BMI I am borderline obese most of the time. I seem to carry it well, and people are constantly surprised to hear my weight. I have broad shoulders and long arms and legs, and big boobs and hips, which are there if I lose weight or not.
Like I commented before, I think we have lost sight of body shape and type and concentrate too much on the numbers – clothes sizes and weight, and things like height and build are ignored. This was illustrated a few months ago when there were pics of Nigella Lawson on a post here, and someone commented that she was overweight. Boobs, hips and thighs aren’t overweight, they’re just different to stick thin, which not everyone is built to be!
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If you were handed a copy of that book as a child though, and singled out from your siblings despite eating the same things, wouldn’t you have felt alienated or ashamed or something?
Genuine question! I remember getting teased for my knobbly knees and having no boobs (now they’re E, showed them, HAH!) but it never bothered me because like you, I grew up feeling normal and healthy and knowing that everyone was different.
I just don’t see how it would work- does it tell a child not to eat so much? To change their food types? If so, isn’t this something that should be in a book aimed at PARENTS educating them on how to feed their child in the healthiest way possible? As stated, what ends up on their plate is generally out of the control of the child. I know I had NO say in what I ate- if it was there I ate it, if not, too bad.
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Um, didn’t I just explain that I was called “Tank” (still am sometimes) and my sister is “Bones” where Dad is concerned? And no, it’s never particularly bothered me. I think that’s pretty clear.
I have no idea how the book works – like everyone else, I haven’t read it. Like everyone else, I’m assuming. I’m just not assuming that it is full of horrible messages about kids going on weight loss diets. Some kids are overweight and need to do that.
I, again, assume that if parents or a health worker gave this book to a kid to read, they’d have had some kind of conversation about it beforehand.
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im not sure you read my question?
if you were handed the book would you not have felt a bit different about yourself?
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I got called nicknames because of my comparitive size and weight. I got hassled at school. I got told I needed to lose weight. No different to being given a book. And I got over all those things happening. Why wouldn’t I get over being given a book? People get over things, I think people are now too precious about worrying about insulting people.
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so even though you were the way you were because of what your parents fed you, you wouldve been cool with being given the book by them?
if so you are a lot more resilient than a lot of kids these days. frankly as a kid if i was overweight due to my parents feeding me the wrong foods and not encouraging me to get outside and play, id have taken it very personally if they then gave me a book that made it to be my responsibility and my fault.
anyway im pretty sure youve missed my point entirely! possibly i am terrible at explaining myself. makes sense in my head, not so much in written word.
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Where have I said I was overweight because my parents fed me badly??
I was making the point in my post that 3 of us kids ate the same stuff, we have different body types and that is overlooked a lot these days! I knew when I started developing that I was likely destined to have boobs and hips. And be tall. I’ve never felt a need to be ashamed of what I’m naturally like!
Feels like I’m having “how I should’ve felt” projected on to me and you’re getting frustrated trying to make it fit.
And yes, I agree that older generations are more resilient than youngsters today. What I don’t get is why my generation are so intent on making them so overly sensitive!
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Bahaha, listen to me, I’ll be telling the yoof how it was in my day, the little ingrates, soon. Where’s my Horlicks and slippers?
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This goes beyond our core ethics of our company, but that book needs a big Yuk to Kids sticker on every page!!!!!!
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Kerri, I think that I might have to take a bit of offence to your final statement.
You imply that because the author self published the book is of no value and should be rejected by mainstream society as mainstream publishing houses didn’t want to know about it.
Do you feel that way about all self published books ? Could it be that you just disagree with the topic of this particular book, and as such your opinion is based on personal prejudice ?
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You seem a bit cranky today Bradley. Bad day?
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I’ve been having a great day. In fact, I’ve had a great week and expect to have a very enjoyable weekend. I wish everyone the same.
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hmmm. I think most self-published books are crap, as they don’t have to pass an editor’s critical eye or meet market standards.
Also any bozo, crank or idiot can self-publish a book so I don’t see why this one has been singled out. The article would be much stronger if the book actually was published by a major publishing company.
And I bet no one would have heard about it if it hadn’t been made the subject of a post!
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so agree with you – posting on this and showing the cover seems pretty dangerous to me. A post on dieting for kids might have covered the discussion without giving unnecessary publicity to this book.
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Bradley you seem to be taking offence with a lot of comments today, you also seem to think we are not doing our job. Well here’s a little reminder – we are, so if you could get back to being polite that would be great. Thanks
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How come you deleted the post from the author?
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Because the comment was not from the author.
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Oh – ok!
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It is a fair point though Lana, even though it was ironic in nature.
Kerri’s post has promoted the work of this author even though she is criticizing it at the same time.
Sometimes it is best to starve an agenda of oxygen and attention if you really don’t want to promote the message. By giving this book airtime, so many more people are aware of it now than were before.
I get that this is Kerri’s personal experience and she is writing about it, but deleting the post of the person posing as the author also negated discussion and thought of their point and I think that point was a valid one.
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What was impolite, Lana ?
My comment or the fact that I’d asked several questions ?
I’m asking politely. Just requiring clarification of what are considered suitable questions to ask and how long can a profanity leveled at anyone who comments on this site remain posted until it is considered offensive ? I seriously hope that my question does not offend. As I say, I’m after clarification.
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It’s your tone that is rude. Why do you spend so much time on a largely female blog anyways?
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Why not? It’s not specifically for females, and plenty of the topics aren’t gender specific.
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What part of mostly breastfeeding, makeup, fashion and mummy bloggers galore is not gender specific? There is nothing wrong with this blog being geared towards women, in fact it’s a nice antidote to boof head mainstream media. Just saying it’s unusual for a male to spend so much time here. That’s all!
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I quite enjoy Bradley’s input
I don’t always agree with him, but he certainly makes interesting observations.
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Why does it only have to be women who read and comment about those things?
And what about the political and current affairs stories? Jeez, people whinge about blokes having no idea about “women’s issues” then question them for being here!
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My wife happens to be a woman. Naturally, I’m interested in any topic that may be of interest to her as a woman.
Your suggestion that I shouldn’t read this blog because it is geared towards women is highly discriminatory. It is illegal to discriminate against anyone based upon their gender.
You’ve indicated that the tone of the questions I asked was rude. I find it interesting that you make this assertion long after the comments were removed. I’m not sure if you have a long memory or if you were waiting for someone to provide you with a feed comment in order for you to deliver your assertion.
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Bradley, as a married man, haven’t you taken enough punishment, without venturing an opinion here ?……You know, you’ll get shot down…….
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Bradley has a point. While I haven’t read everything else he has posted today, a self published book isn’t necessarily rubbish,.
While any number of us object to the title of the book and find it somewhat suspect, it would appear that none of us have actually read the book. We can only therefore object to the concept of the book because we have no idea if the content is good, bad or indifferent.
For all we know the content may be really good, and it’s just the title which should have been revised.
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sorry lana, i don’t think bradley was rude, he is just asking questions, and he has a point… i have friends that self- published books and they are great books… kerri was a bit off the mark about that
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I agree – he was not being rude here. He was being rude in the comments that I deleted
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oh, right, shame i didn’t see them otherwise i wouldn’t have posted the above
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Please explain ? Lana, what was rude about asking if various individuals had actually read the complete work before reaching a decision ? What was rude about asking if the book was being judged by its cover ?
Is it a case of “my bat and bat, therefore I make the rules”, or what ? Is it now illegal to ask questions ?
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I DID NOT say all self published books were bad, for goodness sake! I said HIS was rejected by publishers. I really do object to people putting words in my mouth.
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Well, actually that’s an assumption too. We’re assuming it has been rejected by mainstream publishers – we don’t have any evidence of that. Mind you, I didn’t check his Aloha Publishing website that closely.
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i did not mean to put words in your mouth at all, sorry about that, but to me, when i read , implied that rejected books are not worth of publishing for being bad? or any other reason… and i get the impression by other comments that that was their understanding too… great to hear that that’s not what you meant and you just didn’t express yorself well… it happens to the best writers and i think you are a brilliant one
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Kerri, I didn’t try to put words into your mouth. I asked a very direct question.
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No, I didn’t say that. I said THIS book has been rejected by mainstream publishers and I hope we do the same. I never said that all self-published books are crap. You literally just made that up.
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You do realise that books like Twilight and Harry Potter were rejected my numerous publishers before being picked up?
I think you should suck it up a bit and realise you were being a bit rude when you ‘presumed’ that the book was self published because it was rejected (and yes, everyone equates rejection with ‘bad’).
A lot of the writing on here is great, yours included, but it gets my goat when MANY of the regulars (with noted exceptions of Nat, Bec and Nicki) on here write articles with broad generalisations or misguided comments and then when things backfire shout til they’re blue in the face that they’ve been ‘misunderstood’. This site is meant to be about discussion but all too often it ends in a silly fight like the above.
If you really are passionate about a topic, learning about the other point of view is often rewarding.
Bradley had a point, why not just discuss it with him?
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“suck it up” is such an unattractive turn of phrase…
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I did NOT say or imply that all self-published books are crap. It’s extremely hard to get published and some fabulous books miss out – ‘Still Alice’ is a notable example. So excuse me, but I’m not going to ‘suck up’ anything I didn’t say.
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No, Kerri. You stated that this book had been rejected by mainstream publishing houses and that your hope was that mainstream readers would reject it as well.
Based upon that statement, I asked if you felt that way about all self published books. It was a “yes” or “no” response type of question.
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No. DUH. I never made that generalisation, nor did I think it for a minute. Ridiculous.
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If I may quote you directly here, Kerri….” Paul Kramer has self published his book, whick presumably means that mainstream publishers rejected it. I hope that sanity prevails, and the general public do the same”.
You say that I have made a generalisation. If my generalisation is completely incorrect, might I please ask you to explain the meaning of the final paragraph of your article. Many thanks.
I also asked if based upon your statement, you believed that all self published books were not worth looking at.
So in essence, I’m asking two separate questions. My apology if my original question was misleading.
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I meant what I said – that presumably mainstream publishers have rejected his book and I hope you all do too (and yes, I stand by that statement – most people who self-publish do so because they have been rejected by mainstream publishers). HOWEVER I did not say all self-published books are crap, as I do not believe that for a second. It’s extremely hard to get published and many authors resort to self-publishing and find their books either sell or are picked up by mainstream publishers some time after. I doubt this will happen to ‘Maggie goes on a diet’.
Hope that clears it up.
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You are right about that last paragraph, Bradley. Strong insinuation. There is always back-peddling when someone questions a writer.
Much of what is written in blogs and articles on the Internet would be rejected by mainstream publishers too.
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This book is about a 14 year old girl who goes on a diet and is transformed from being extremely overweight and insecure to a normal sized girl who becomes the school soccer star. Through time, exercise and hard work, Maggie becomes more and more confident and develops a positive self image.
What if your child already had a positive self image? Well they did before you gave them this book.. which Amazon lists as reading age 4-8, and Barnes and Noble list as 6-12.
I was shocked when my 5 year old cousin told me he has to “run everyday so I don’t get fat”. Not because it’s healthy. And this is a kid who wasn’t allowed computer games and lives on a property, so most playing is exercise in itself, but he believed he had to run circuits on top of that. At 5.
My 9 year old nephew won’t eat in public “because I’m fat” – the kid has a round face, but is not fat in his body. Any comment about food gets a defensive response. Me- Would you like some more? Him- Why are you asking me that? Just cause I’m fat!! (umn no, because you have barely eaten anything!)
Would just hate to see how these beautiful kids would feel about themselves if given that book.
And what if your kid isn’t like Maggie and never becomes a soccer star, but was just a mediocre player? Was her potential only to be realised and applauded if it was in a physical sense? She could be thick as a pile of bricks but golly she is a soccer star and lost weight!
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The scary thing is though, is the number of people that don’t have a good idea about what is appropriate nutrition.
Unfortunately if you’re fat at 14, there’s probably a good chance your parents don’t have a good grasp of nutrition. Maybe at that point you do need to take it into your own hands.
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It’s hard to judge this without actually reading the book. Is it similar to “Where Did I Come From?” which provides parents with an aid to discuss something with their kids? I agree with you when you say it’s up to the parents to educate their kids on healthy lifestyle and eating habits. Maybe this book would be useful as an aid for parents who want to have that discussion but aren’t sure how to frame it so their kids understand.
The blurb on the website says “through time, exercise and hard work”. From that I would say it’s hardly advocating crash dieting. I think the use of the word “diet” in the title sounds controversial, but it doesn’t provide a lot of info. You can have a diet of junk food. To “diet” (as a verb) is just to regulate the food you eat in some way. I make choices every day, regulating what goes into me, so I can stay healthy. That’s my diet. Maybe that’s what this book is advocating?
It’s could be so easy to get up in arms about this book on face value, but the full context would be useful to make an informed judgement.
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So, all self-published books must be crap? Tell that to the 4 Ingredients ladies.
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Yet again, WHERE did I say that self-published books are crap????? Because I can’t remember writing that.
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‘Paul Kramer has self-published his book, which presumably means that mainstream publishers rejected it. I hope that sanity prevails, and the general public do the same thing.’
I’m sorry, Kerri, but please re-read the above and ask yourself how you’d feel if you’d self-published a book.
How would you like it if people automatically assumed that because your book was self-published, it a) must have been rejected by mainstream publishers, and b) it must be of a lower standard than mainstream published books.
There are so many reasons why people choose to self-publish these days, and it’s not always because mainstream publishers rejected their manuscript. Sometimes, it’s because the author doesn’t want to wait around for a mainstream publisher or literary agent to get back to them (they just want to get their book out there), they don’t want to hand over creative control or they don’t want a publisher to take all their money.
If you genuinely had more respect for self-publishing, it would have been irrelevant whether or not the book was self-published. I’m not giving you a hard time – I really like you and you writing – but I hope you re-think the self-publishing vibe next time.
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I’m sorry I took your name!!! Mine has extra mmmm’s to avoid any confusion!
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Did you ever consider that all Kerri meant by mentioning that it had been rejected by mainstream publishers, was that it is clearly a controversial book likely to offend lots of people? You are just as guilty of making assumptions!
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Yes, I did. And no, I’m not guilty of making any assumptions.
I took the time to stand up for self-publishers because I thought it was important. In my opinion, whether or not this book was self-published is absolutely irrelevant and shouldn’t have been mentioned.
Kerri has made a lot of statements about this book without even having read it, without knowing whether or not it had been rejected by mainstream publishers and without knowing why the author chose to self-publish and what they went through to do that. I’m sorry it’s taken away from the topic of childhood obesity, but it was a point I thought was worth raising.
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l did wonder when someone might come up with this one! For the record, publishers don’t always reject a book because they think it’s ‘crap’. There are plenty of other, more complex, less B&W reasons for not publishing.
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It’s easy. Don’t shove food down your childs mouth every time it is open and limit the amount of crap that they eat. Push them out into the backyard to play tag, kick the ball, skip the rope, play hopscotch or whatever. Get them away from the computer, the iPad, your iPhone and the television.
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Thanks, Bradley! Inspirational!
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Glad you approve !
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I wonder though, if it starts, when, as little kids we force them to ‘finish everything on their plate’. Are we training them as littlies to eat mroe food than what they need? And then wonder why their appetites continue to grow as they get older & we feed them more & more. This, of course, is not saying we starve our tremendously active kids or kids in growth spurts, but we need to listen to them when they’re little and acknowledge them when they say they’re full & not force them to keep eating, especially at night times when we know its not great for our digestion to be overworked while we sleep. My kids have a big feed of raw fruit or veg later in the arvo, then a smaller hot meal at regular dinner time. Parents have just got to be on the ball right from the start rather than waiting till school or later even.
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I wonder about this too – I have a baby and am around other little kids – everything is geared towards them eating dinner/drinking their milk. Why? Because it makes them big and strong. SO, what I’m wondering, is when do we stop encouraging big and strong? I think it happens with girls, not so much with boys – girls go from being encouraged to be big and strong to small and meek so they get looked after. By the big strong boys.
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Wow I think the author royally screwed up with the title and cover illustration of this book! I wonder if he has daughters? I was lucky to be raised in a house where my parents fed us nutritious food, they didn’t force exercise on us but rather it was something fun to do, riding bikes, roller blading, walking the dog with my cousin, swimming all day in summer. And yes we had the trips to maccas etc. When my younger sister was 8 mum took her to the doctors she had asthma from birth and the medication made her gain weight, but this doctor didn’t know she just as my mum told us later called my little sister fat and told my mum she was a bad parent! Mum didn’t let it affect my sister neither did any of us, my sister grew up playing basketball and other sports but never went on a diet.
I went on a diet for the first time when I was 27 just before my wedding! Never dieted during uni or high school! Went on the stupid celebrity slim shakes for 3 months before the wedding, yes I lost weight lots of it, my wedding pics look nothing like me now, but guess what it all came back and then some! Plus it (I’m guessing since I never had this problem before) left me with some very bad digestion issues!
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When I was 12 in health class we did our BMI. I was a 19.5 (the lower end of the healthy range) and most of the other girls (my friends in particular) were ‘underweight’. They were quite happy with that and I was floored. So I started ‘dieting’, although that’s probably not the quite word for it because I was hardly eating. I would eat at home but throw the food Mum packed for me out. What helped me the most? An article in Dolly actually. There is nothing wrong with encouraging healthy eating and lifestyle habits in children. But the wording and the premis of this book does not promote a healthy body image at all. “Maggie has so much potential that has been hiding under that extra weight”, potential for what? To look nice in a dress? To be considered ‘attractive’? Or the potential to feel horrible about herself and equate her self worth with her weight?
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Im actually going to disagree with mostly everyone here and say that i actually like the idea of this book. There are far too many overweight teens out there
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But why? Because parents haven’t raised their kids to enjoy and maintain a healthy lifestyle as Kerri pointed out.
The kids (pre-teens are kids afterall) are not to blame for their overweight, their parents are.
Make a book for them titled “You’re the parent, grow up and teach your kids how to live well and right already!”
Perhaps it’s a bit harsh, but I would much rather give that to a parent than have them complain about their fat lazy children while handing over the “diet” book.
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not where I live and teach. Around here there are a lot of slim teens who think they are fat.
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Pre teens and teens aren’t stupid! Let them read these books, let them decide for themselves if the want to cut down on massive servings at dinner… Kids are not stupid and should be given enough information to make there own decisions
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Showing kids the danger of drugs doesn’t make them spiral into drug addiction or self blame.
The same goes for highlighting how excess food and poor choices can ill effect health and longevity.
Let’s have a good old fashioned book burning and be done with it
Sigh
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This book is ridiculous.
As you know, Kerri, I have a friend who developed anorexia at age 14. Partly because she was teased about her weight (even tho she wasn’t ‘fat’ – not by any stretch of the imagination!), and partly because once she started to lose weight, people complimented her and this spurred her on to lose more.
Can’t we just please stick to teaching kids about healthy living? Eating from the all the food groups, exercising, drinking plenty of water and indulging in crap occasionally. Then, whatever size you are – 6 or 16 – that’s the size your body naturally should be!
Gah!
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I ask this person if she has read the book and on what criteria she bases her opinion if the answer is no….and I get zapped !
Go figure !
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*sigh* My daughter is 11. She does not eat AN OUNCE of junk food. Every day she eats muesli and apples and wholemeal bread. We eat low kilojoule meals packed full of vegetables. She never has tuckshop. She plays netball at school. Every morning she does a small exercise routine and every afternoon she spends half an hour on her Wii Fit (her choice). She runs around after her dog. She doesn’t drink soft drink. She doesn’t even drink juice.
She’s 60kg. She hasn’t fit into “kids” clothes for awhile. She gets teased and called fat by kids at school who stuff themselves full of lamingtons and chips. It’s unfair and she often comes home in tears. As a parent – I feel like I have done absolutely every single conceivable thing possible.
I have taken her to see doctors who just shrug and say she’ll grow out of it. No-one can suggest changes to her lifestyle because there is nothing wrong with it.
So when I read “An overweight pre-teen needs a parent who is prepared to make lifestyle changes so that none of their children becomes overweight. A parent who buys healthy food. A parent who teaches their kids to eat when they’re hungry and stop when they’re full. A parent who encourages their kids to get outside and run around.” – then *I* start to despair.
Where the hell does that leave ME? What am I doing wrong?
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Thyroid? Not even sure kids can have thyroid problems but just a thought.
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I think it’s clear you’re doing everything you can. I also think your child is quite rare. Maybe you can find a doctor or nutritionist who can sort out the problem? Good luck, it must be so hard to see her in pain. x
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She might be eating healthy food but maybe too much of the healthy food? Maybe her portions are too big? Maybe she’s eating food you don’t know about ?
It doesn’t matter whether you eat crap or healthy food, if you consume more energy than you burn you’ll put on weight.
For example, meusli and wholegrain bread are thought of as healthy foods. But they are very carby (plus meusli can be notoriously high in fat and suger) and energy dense. It’s easy to get fat by eating too much of them.
Of course I don’t know your daughter’s situation but eating “healthy food” doesn’t by any means protect you against weight gain. Some of the skinniest people live on junk food and sugar.
It’s a simple equation food in=energy out. If this out of kilter either end you’ll lose weigtht, or you’ll gain it.
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This is so true! The whole idea of calories in/calories out recently just clicked with me and after trying to lose weight on a million and 1 different “diets”, it worked so well for me! I am thinner than I have ever been as a result of this lifestyle change. Simply eating less calories than you burn works wonders!
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Could she be eating when you’re not around and hiding it from you?
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60 kilos at age 11 is not healthy!
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How do you know? If she’s tall, it might be.
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Kris is right. Height matters. Here is a BMI Calculator for children and adolescents:
http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcsite.nsf/pages/bmi4child
and if you look around the website you might find some other useful info. Good luck!
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I had my growth spurt early. I’ve been 5’5 (165cm) since I was about 11 or 12, and haven’t got any taller (i’m 23 now & still 5’5)!! If dragonflysakura’s daughter is the same as I was, and has had her height growth early, then at 60kg she’s a perfectly healthy weight, regardless of her age!!
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How tall is she?
I was kind of big from about 11. I developed early into a D cup chest and hips. Is that maybe what’s happening? It sounds like she’s perfectly fine otherwise! Girls are often bigger than boys at that age – have a look at Year 7 class photos.
I ask how tall she is because it really gets to me when people’s weights are mentioned (like in those celeb slim down stories) but very rarely their heights. If she’s tall, she’ll weigh more! She might also be older than the other kids too – I was “old” for my year (compared to my peer group) so it took them a while to catch up to me growth wise.
Maybe that’s just how she’s growing? I think there seems to be a loss of acknowledgement that there are very different natural body shapes in the quest for “thin”. Not suggesting that you’re doing that, having a little vent myself, but it bears thinking about.
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You may not be doing anything wrong (though feeling the judgement all the same). As some of the others say, more details are needed. Is she much taller than everyone else. Are the rest of the family six-footers, so has her body gained the weight in order to go through a major growth spurt soon? Did the docs check her thyroid function?
A good book to read is Good Calories, Bad Calories by Gary Taubes. He’s a scientific journalist who has analysed a good hundred years or so of dietary studies and the conclusions made. It makes for interesting reading. It is not a diet book,
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Although it’s hard for her right now, she likely will just have a growth spurt and even out. Many girls put on quite a lot of weight just before puberty. Just keep being the mum you are and she’ll get through it.
(Yes, I do speak from experience.)
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You say she’s 60kg but you haven’t said how tall she is or what her body shape is….I don’t think we can brand someone ‘overweight’ based on a number. She may just have a tall, athletic frame?Muscle weighs alot more than fat.
I was a tall child and I have vivid memories of being 55kg in year 6 when I was 12 (I was also about 5 foot 10) so I was nowhere near fat but I was teased for being fat because I weighed a lot. I later developed a full blown eating disorder and ended up being hospitalised at 16 with anorexia…during which time a very ignorant nurse told me she wasn’t used to seeing such big numbers when she weighed me….I was 6 foot 1 and weight around 48kg which is dangerously thin but yes, obviously a lot heavier than my 5 foot 2 anorexic ward mates. So I am quite passionate about not reacting to numbers alone….they need to be seen in context.
It sounds like your daughter has a very healthy lifestyle and a loving family who support her with the correct food choices.
If she was my daughter I would be trying to expose her to healthy role models of different body shapes (many of the Australian netballers for example) who can remind her that health and fitness doesn’t equate to being skinny.
And also remember she is 11…her body is going through a lot of changes right now so try to focus on the big picture. Build her confidence and self esteem and praise her for all the amazing things she has to offer rather than focusing on weight and size.
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Really telling in the responses about dragonflysakura’s post. Until I mentioned height, we had: Thyroid?; Kid being “quite rare” (whatever that means); Kid eating too much; Kid eating in secret.
I think this whole post (I mean the whole book post, not dragonflysakura’s) could have done with a few more questions being asked (and the book actually being read) rather than jumping the gun and declaring it the Satanic Verses of our time.
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here here!
It really really upsets me to see overweight and obese children, and I totally agree that it isn’t that child’s fault at all!
Not that parents are 100% to blame; I can understand that if you are susceptable to advertising, and aren’t conscious of how BS most “health” claims are (plastered all over processed and packaged pseudo-food) it is near on impossible for you to make the right choices
when something says low/no fat, that looks healthy right? NO, it’s probably full of sugar (or worse, synthetic sweeteners) which is far worse for your health than fat
anyways, I just wanted to say that there are soo many more reasons for being fit and healthy than just looks. There is increased cognitive ability and concentration, increased energy and motivation for everyday tasks, better immune system, better stress management.
Looking good naked is a happy side-effect to being healthy, and SHOULD NOT be the primary goal for a lifestyle change.
I would have no problem with a book aimed at children that encouraged fitness, and created awareness about how food choices affect our health. As long as the primary focus was health and fitness, NOT LOOKS.
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Very true. A key to keep in mind when looking at the claims on “healthy” food packages, is to look at what the packaging DOESN’T say.
For instance “low fat”. This usually means HIGH sugar. You’d be surprised at the amount of sugar which ends up in products you wouldn’t expect to see it in.
“No artificial additives and colourings”. Maybe not, but the natural addtives and colourings may have their own issues.
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I buy my kids a lot of books about things they are facing. First day at school, puberty, bullies, etc. If my child needed a book about diets I might buy it. The link says that ‘through time, exercise and hard work’ Maggie goes on to achieve a fitness goal. That sounds okay, although I’m not loving the cover illustration with the smaller dress so I probably wouldn’t buy this one.
I’d be more inclined to get a book that explained about diets for diabetes, athletes, allergies and how everyone has a different diet, in simple, broad terms. Particularly for the 6-12 age bracket.
The other thing is I’m buying those kinds of books for my little ones. Hopefully by the time they might need something like this (which appears to be about puberty and weight gain/loss in a 14 year old) I could have a *conversation* and they’d take it all in.
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A book that really helped me is Rick Kausman’s “If Not Dieting Then What…?” He is a GP and he speaks with a voice of such good common sense and kindness. Its a real breath of fresh air and gentleness after years of “battling”. Actually, I heard about him through someone else’s MM post.
I was still doing Weight Watchers when I first read it. With Weight Watchers I initially was all enthused and lost weight. But then it all went to crap again, just like every other diet or “eating plan” or what ever you want to call it.
They don’t work because they’re not sustainable. They ask for you to control yourself, rather than trust yourself. They don’t look at the emotional drivers behind overeating (in any more than a token way anyhow). Alarm bells rang for me when I heard just how many people (including my WW leader) had regained and lost regained and lost.
It takes 2 minutes to understand that if you eat more energy that you use you’ll put on weight. It takes a lot more self-care, self-acceptance and awareness to look at WHY you feel compelled to overeat in the first place.
I’m still on my journey with the whole thing, I’m improving slowly. It takes time to change a lifetime of destructive habits. But at least now I’m being kinder to myself and not giving great sums of money away each month to weight loss companies.
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EXACTLY!!! *stands and applauds*
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I couldn’t agree more with you. A ‘diet’ book for children is appalling. Regardless of what is in the book, that word in itself is the problem with all the negative connotations it carries in society today. Why use that word? Why not make it about Maggie making better life choices? Maggie learning tonrespect herself? Etc.
I’m a mother of an eight year ols who is stick insect thin, yet looks down at her thigh and thinks it is fat. Makes me furious. And this is mostly result from outside influences that we can’t control ( particularly school peers). I can only do so much as her parent without ostracizing her from society. Our community has a resposibiity to ensure that what our children are exposed to is appropriate. So kudos to the publishing companies if they did indeed reject this book.
It reminds me of one of my daughter’s home readers from grade one. It was called Mum goes on a diet. And was a story from kids point of view of who they all had to eat different when mum was on a diet, and mum only ate a lettuce leaf or something. And how relieved they all were when mum returned to normal food at the need of the week. It was appalling and needless to say I made it clear how inappropriate I thought it was to the school ( not that I think any of those home readers where decent reading).
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Also it is amazing how little the healthy choices for food message is getting out there. It is surprising to see what children have in their lunch boxes. Not a lot of fruit, lots of chips, sweet biscuits, fizzy drinks, lollies and such junk plus money everyday to buy from the tuckshop. My daughterr takes healthy food, low in colours and preservatives. Sometimes she gets laughed at for it, sometimes kids are looking at here food and wishing they had it.
And I’m really having trouble writing this to make sense on my iPad as I can’t review what I have already typed, so apologies if it doesn’t make much sense.
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Kids are so fragile, every adult remembers the hurtful things said to them when they were young and usually carry it through their whole life, unless they have been educated and supported to increase their self esteem. Dieting is never the answer, education is. Teaching the parents on nutrition and how to have a healthy lifestyle is the key and it is passed down to their children.
We have been teaching a series of Healthy Lifestyle lessons to our teenage students here who are all new arrivals (immigrated, refugees, etc) and its amazing how much they didn’t know about food and exercise!
So a book about leading a healthy lifestyle would have been much more useful and not damaging to a child for the rest of their life.
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Hear hear. x
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Yes, kids are fragile. Yes, they do react and take to heart things that are said to them.
Hence….that is why there is a right way and a wrong way to say things to them. To anyone, in fact.
I’m reminded about the old adage about catching more flies by using honey instead of vinegar. Perhaps if you wish to go a tad Mary Poppins on us you might remember that a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down.
So it’s not what you say but the way that you say it.
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It seems everyone is so scared around the F word. For starters, anorexia isn’t caused by a desire to be thin and beautiful, or look like a model, that’s just a furphy perpetrated by the mainstream media. I say this as someone who is qualified to have an opinion on this.
Anorexia is about control, compulsive behaviour, magical thinking and a disconnect between the mind and body. it’s about an aversion to growing up, a rejection of sexuality; sometimes a desire to “disappear”.
A well adjusted kid who thinks they are fat isn’t going to develop anorexia by reading books about dieting or looking at idealised images in a magazine. There is evidence that ensuring your daughter doesn’t become overweight actually safeguards against eating disorders.
There’s nothing wrong with teaching kids from an early age that overeating and eating the wrong food results in overweight and even obesity. Many parents don’t like to hear this but self discipline is just part of learning to cope in society.
That said, would I buy that book for my daughter? No, because I think it’s something parents need to educate their kids about themselves.
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Beautifully put.
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Thank you for this comment – so good to hear someone acknowledge that there is considerably more to anorexia and other eating disorders than just the desire to look like thin models or actresses…
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I think the last paragraph is the key and the likely outcome.
If anything, the book has a reverse positive effect of generating sensible discussion.
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This makes me cranky and I want to get my shout on. I’m disgusted.
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WHAT?!?!? No.
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Fabulous post Kerri- and Flotsam (below) I’m not sure if it is simplistic. As Kerri also finds, every child that I know who is obese (and I know 3 or 4) also has at least one markedly overweight parent. Further, one of those obese parents told me that my own son was “malnourished” because “I can see his ribs”. My son is a pefectly normal 11 yo- the trouble is, we have forgotten what a regular 11 yo looks like. They do have ribs! Back in my school days there was maybe one ‘fat’ child in every class- I was at my daughter’s (grade 3) assembly yesterday and I counted 6 in her class of 24. As a society, I think we have forgotten what kids should look like- they’re meant to be lean, and if they do fill out this should come later in their teens/during puberty, not at 9 or 10.
The other thing about parental attitude is that it needs to extend past food to a healthy lifestyle too. I regularly complain on Twitter about having to take my son to the skatepark- but I don’t complain to him. I get my keys! If he doesn’t ask to go to the skate park, it’s because he’s sitting in front of the TV or PC. The skate park is cold and dirty and I hate it, but I’d still rather he was there, being active. Again, it’s about making exercise (like a healthy diet) just a day to day thing- not something that as a parent you make a fuss or nag about.
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I’ve been thinking about this as I was vacuuming, (because vacuuming is brain numbing and I have to think of something) and I think my problem is the implication that if you have an overweight child then you are a bad parent.
I completely agree that as parents we should teach our kids healthy eating and encourage them to be active.
and now I will go and mop and ponder some more…..
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I agree, i don’t think an overweight child = bad parent. However i do think at some point a parent needs to balls up and take responsibility?
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Agree entirely, Kylie.
I constantly tell my kids it’s about balance: eating right, exericising, drinking water and enjoying Maccas on occasion only. Then whatever weight they are…that’s their weight.
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I think making McDonald’s a “treat” (instead of a ‘sometimes only food’, on the rare occasion of a birthday party or when parents don’t have time to cook) is dangerous in itself.
Teaching kids that processed, high fat, high salt, high sugar, low nutrition food is something to long for and prefer over other foods isn’t such a good idea – and there are big debates raging over whether toys (such as in Happy Meals) are sending parents the wrong signals.
And don’t get me started on parents who take kids to restaurants and bring McDonalds with them for the kids – when do they expect kids to discover how amazing food can be if they feed them processed crap instead, or as a reward?
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