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alexis 380x257 Im only 26   but apparently I need to have a baby pronto.

Alexis

 

 

 

 

By ALEXIS CAREY

I visited my GP to pick up a prescription and I left with a lecture on the need to have a baby. Pronto. Like, yesterday.

I was a trifle taken aback, to say the least. You see, I’m 26, not 36 or 46. I kept waiting for the good doctor to break into a chuckle and scream “APRIL FOOLS!”

But no, apparently he was serious. According to him, at 26, it is high time I started planning my reproductive life.

Now, I love babies and children and I’ve always pictured my future with one or two mimi-mes in it.

But having babies has always been an abstract idea to me; something that Other People did and something that might happen to me one day, in the very, very, VERY distant future. It has never occurred to me that it is something I could actively do, right now.

So I stammered a lame explanation about “needing to find the right time” and left, vowing to find a new, less-stress-inducing GP in future.

The thing is, my life couldn’t be less suited to accommodating a dependent infant right now and to be honest, the idea truly terrifies me. I live in a teensy studio apartment that is about the same size as most people’s bathroom. I spend two and a half hours a day commuting to work and my relationship with The Boy, while long-term, is not exactly locked-in-for-life.

But on the other hand, we’ve all heard the horror stories about women who kept waiting for the perfect baby-making moment, only to hit their late 30s or early 40s to find it’s Game Over for their fertility.

fertility 380x333 Im only 26   but apparently I need to have a baby pronto.

Should we all have a game plan, or is it better to roll with the punches and play it by ear?

And then there are the horror stories of young women who are healthy and in the prime of their lives, but who still face a heartbreaking struggle to conceive or carry a baby to term.

I have never even considered becoming a young mum, maybe because my own mum had me at 34 and my sister at 39 with no dramas whatsoever.

My mum was a bit of a renegade- in 1986 in a small country town, having a kid at 34 was like having one at 54 today- but she turned out to be the best mum in the world.

I know that most of my friends haven’t given baby-making much thought yet either, but was my doctor right? Is this something all young(ish) women should be actively thinking about and planning for? Should we all have a game plan, or is it better to roll with the punches and just play it by ear?

I read an interesting article last year about fashion designer Collette Dinnigan, who welcomed her second child at 47.

Dinnigan had some surprisingly frank advice for women, urging us not to leave it too late and not to be sucked in by all the glamorous celebrities having babies in their mid to late 40s.

”Even in your 30s, you think you’re invincible. You have a career, life slips by and suddenly you’re 40,” she said.

Dinnigan has a good point. Even at 26, the years have sped by at an alarming rate and I can easily understand how many women can put off having a baby until it is too late.

After pondering my encounter with my doctor, I have come to the conclusion that I (hopefully) have a few more years up my sleeve before I get serious about babies. But it also served as a bit of a wake-up call- it probably does pay to have at least a vague life plan when it comes to a monumental, life-changing experience like bringing a child into the world.

Alexis Carey is a mathematically-challenged journalist who is addicted to pub trivia and red liquorice. She is also an aspiring children’s author and has just started her own blog at realitybitesblog.com.

Do you think mid-twenties is too young to be thinking about fertility? When did you start planning to have children?

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137 Comments so far

  1. jewels

    I know it is different for everyone , here is my story I got married at 18 and had my oldest daughter at 19 had my son at 21 and my last girl at 24 I am now 29 years old and my children are 10,8,5 they are very healthy children and my pregnancy’s where great. I am one happy young mom and I just love it. Imagine this when I will be 35 my oldest will be 16 we can go shopping together get mani and pedi’s I can’t wait. There’s no regrets to have my children at a young age, the bonus is I will be a young Grandma too.

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  2. Kirsten

    My doctor said something similar to me a few years ago when I was about 27. I’m not saying ‘hurry, go out and have a baby!’ But having just lost my first baby girl (first baby in general) at 20 weeks gestation at 31 years of age and with four friends (that we know of) having fertility issues and doing IVF, all this makes you realize how much you take for granted being able to get pregnant and have a healthy baby. Having a baby is not always a given, which so many of us go into thinking. Food for thought.

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  3. Alice

    My good friend told
    me at 30 her doctor
    suggested freezing her eggs. We were both horrified. Two years later she was exhausted from her first failed IVF following two years
    of trying and I had just had my first child. I looked around and realized that 6 of my 8 girlfriends were having trouble….at 32….
    I looked at it this way, I had my first at 32 so if we wanted 3 kids I would probably be 34 and 36. Having just gone through a miscarriage, you can’t plan everything. I had a difficult child who still
    doesn’t sleep and bad pelvic pain following the birth. I am now
    pregnant again and will be nearly 35 when I have my second. I am not sure my body could cope with a third pregnancy given the troubles I have had.
    I wasn’t ready to have a baby but just thought practically about
    the risks. Children are
    more important to me than work promotions so we just went ahead and started trying. Boy am I glad I didn’t leave it any longer.

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  4. ayesha

    My doctor said the same thing to me at 25 (I wonder if we have the same one?)

    I got so freaked out that I went home and discussed it with my fiance and we decided to start trying, figuring it might take several months or a year…. One week later I was pregnant and I gave birth to my daughter last week, at age 26.

    All of our friends assume it was an accident, albeit a happy one, because why would we try to have a baby at our age. It’s true that I do feel young to have a kid, but I’m also happy I didn’t risk leaving it too late

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  5. K

    I think your doctor will have a good idea when it comes to your health and your fertility. In my own circumstance I am 22 and my doctor has advised that I should start trying fairly soon. That is because I have a form of cystic ovaries which means I can have serious difficulty conceiving and I have witnessed many friends barely older (26 and 27) than me with the same condition having major difficulty getting pregnant. Fortunately I already married and have 2 degrees under my belt so I am probably in a better circumstance then most people my age to look at this.

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  6. Anon

    I’m only 19 and I worry about fertility far more than I think any of my friends do.

    Reading lots of articles on this subject it seems like the main cause of infertility is simply age, and the main reason for leaving it so late is because many people don’t find a guy to settle down with till later in life. All very well. But i’m afraid that this is going to affect my relationships in the future.

    I’m newly in a relationship, and love spending time with him, but i’m afraid I may be overlooking flaws I wouldn’t otherwise do just because I don’t want to be picky and end up alone with no husband and kids at 45. Or are they simple just the inevidable flaws any guy is going to have when you get into a relationship with him?

    I get scared that i’ll jump into a relationship with someone totally not suited for me in my mid 20s or so… pop out a few kids early to make sure I have plenty of time still left of my biological clock…. then get divorced and be left as a stuggling single mum. It’s definately a possible scenario cause I’m stupid like that….. but the other alternative is gamble with my eggs in hope of finding the ‘one’ which may never happen. The attitue now is that the later is far worse!

    A decade ago it was like “don’t worry, be independant, have a career and theres a lot of time for kids and marriage later”…. but now the biological clock has caught up with many women, who find themselves single or married and childless at 45… so they’re warning others not to wait.

    I dunno, but I don’t think i’m the only young person with this kind of dilemma.

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  7. Anonymous

    Noticing a lot of comments worrying that baby equals life over. No. Baby equals big life change, not necessarily over. We have travelled twice OS with our 7 month old. Sure, we don’t go out heaps anymore and I’m big on sticking to her routines but I’m still me and we’re still us. Some friends have drifted away but I’ve made a whole bunch more which is amazeballs.
    To be honest I think my age has more to do with the changes. At 32 I’m over the big weekends and mad socialising. I’m a bit of a homebody these days and our close circle of friends is who I love to spend time with.
    Don’t fret that your life will be over, it just changes…plus you get the bonus of your little smushy.

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  8. taramx

    I worry about my fertility because my mum had no problem conceiving my sister but it took ten years to conceive me. Mum’s got some sisters who couldn’t have any babies. My sister worried too, so went off the pill when she got engaged as recommended by the doc. He said it’d take her 6-12 months for her cycle to go back to normal – she fell pregnant in 3 weeks. Her second baby took two years of trying to happen.

    This sounds odd, but I think of a few pregnancy scares back at when I was at uni, and when the test was negative a little voice in my head went ‘maybe you’re not pregnant because you simply can’t be’. Maybe I worry for nothing. I had always wanted a baby in my mid to late 20s.. Now I’m 25 and my partner is younger than me, I have no idea when I’ll have one but I’d like to start a family by 30.

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  9. Joni

    I am 48 and have 4 kids. Met my husband at 29 and married a few weeks before I turned 30, started TTC right away. Took almost 2 years as I had a series of miscarriages. Had 2 more children easily after that at age 33 and almost 38 so I got a bit over confident about the whole “fertility drops as you age” thing. Wanted one more baby so started TTC at 39 but suffered 5 terrible years of miscarriages. Finally had a healthy naturally conceived baby at almost 45 but became peri menopausal a year later. I would have TTC all 4 kids closer together and not been so nonchalant as the 5 years were the most depressing and stressful years ever. I am fortunate to have a happy ending. My friend decided to TTC at age 38 and 10 years, numerous IVF attempts and $1000s later has not been successful.

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  10. perthie

    This worries me.

    I’m married and in my mid-20′s and I went off the contraceptive pill 6 months ago to allow my body to regulate before trying to conceive.

    I have only had 1 period during this time. Prior to going on the pill I had a regular cycle. I am healthy and not under stress.

    I read about post pill amenorrhea and it would appear this can be quite problematic for women. I’m amazed I had no idea that there could be longer term implications of taking the contraceptive pill, even if only for 6 months or so.

    I would have welcomed a discussion about this with my GP but they have never said anything about this in the 10 years I have gone in for scripts.

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    • Sarah

      I feel exactly the same.

      When I went off the pill, I had some prtty horrid side effects for over 6 months. That led me to do a little research about it and I learned many things I wish a GP had told me.

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    • Carly

      I think individual differences (and genetics) play a big role in post pill fertility. Up until around March last year, I took myself off the pill (which I’d been on non-stop for close to 10yrs), as hubby & I were planning to start trying for a baby later that year, & had heard similar horror stories. However… 27 days later, BANG! My period arrived, & did so every 26-27 days.
      Once we returned from an o/s trip & I’d been on Elevit for a couple of months & understood my cycle/ovulation, the first real month we tried, we conceived straight away & am now due in July! (I’m 29yo, btw).
      As for genetics, same thing happened with my mum, went off the pill one day, & pregnant the next (didn’t even get a period after coming off it)! This was at both age 24 (with me) & at 27 (with my sister).

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    • Emmie

      Wow, this is scary, I’ve been on the pill for 12 years!

      I remember in my Mums day it was recommended that you take a 12 months “break” from taking the pill every 3 or 4 years, but far as I know this is not done now. My doctor has never mentioned pill amenorrhea to me before.

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    • LG

      Girls don’t panic. Everyone is different and everyone’s body adjusts differently. I had been on the pill for over 10 years and assumed it would take us at least a year to get pregant. But, within 5 months of coming off the pill (and with a significant work stress over) was pregnant with my first baby (due in only 4 weeks!!). Yes, some women do have issues coming off the pill and it does take their body time to re-regulate itself, but don’t assume that will be the case for you.

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  11. H

    I’m 22 and I’ve already started thinking about babies! I would love my first child before I’m 30, my ideal number is 4 (although realistically that might be too much).
    I’m newly single and I know I have plenty of time to meet a partner but because I’m on medication that can cause spina bifeda, I actually have to plan when I want to start trying so I can go off the medication.

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  12. Anon

    This really hits home for me – I can relate to this 100 percent, AND I’m only 19!
    My parents were young parents (19 and 20) so by time they were my age they were working, married, renting and had a baby. This is so far from my life now. I’m a uni student, still live at home and don’t have a bf. normally this is something 19 year olds shouldn’t worry about- but it is! Majority of the people I attended school with are in long term relationships, married and have kids/ currently pregnant. I want to have a long career but I worry that between working, traveling, studying and trying to find ‘the one’ it may be a long time before I have kids and I might miss my window of opportunity. Originally I always said I wanted to be around 25 and above when I started to look at having kids yet that dream seems further away, however at the end of the day I’m happy to wait. Thanks for the great article !

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    • Kait

      I feel exactly the same! I’m 22 and the years since high school have gone so fast. I’m currently renting with my long term boyfriend but we fight quite a lot and he isn’t even thinking about getting engaged in the next few years. And to top it off we discussed what we would do if I fell pregnant now (which I thought we had discussed ages ago) and he was surprised that I wouldn’t have an abortion!! I’m looking forward to creating a wonderful long career now that I’ve finished studying but I also want to travel to so many countries and then I also want to have a baby before I’m in my late 30′s. It seems crazy to be stressing about all this at such a young age

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  13. Hello

    Great article. I’m sick of people saying when you “should” get married, have a baby, etc. That’s not a nice way to live your life. And as to the advice that if you’re in a relationship and you’re 30, you should just start trying, well that’s fine for the woman, but what about her child? Yes, she may want to have kids, but she should also try to make sure her and her partner are well-matched and ready.

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    • Anonymous

      If you haven’t got your life together at 30 give up.

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  14. chytrid

    I’m 30, an embryologist, about to start trying to conceive and am terrified that I will have the same problems my patients have.
    I think the most scary thing for me is knowing that there’s just no way to tell definitively if you’ll have a problem.
    I think I’m starting to get an inkling of the fear and desperation infertile couples experience. My heart goes out to all of the people ttc.
    Don’t leave it too late. There’s only so much ivf can do.

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    • Katrina

      I hear you, I’m going to start trying from around June/July and I’m worried I’ve got some invisible problem that will prevent me from becoming pregnant. It’s that problem where you can’t know until you try.

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    • Mandy M

      I’m on the other side Jill, only 29 years old and have just been thru 2 years of infertility, and that included one year of ivf. Am final pregnant now. Ivf is amazing but also a horrendous process. Apparently I have the eggs of an over 40 year old. Heaps of them, but all abnormal. We went thru almost 100 eggs to get pregnant. 5 transfers. I’m the kind of person who if I had waited til late 30′s, would have had no kids. Start early girls! You never know if it will take 1 month or 10 years!!!

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      • chytrid

        Mandy you poor thing! I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. I’m sure it will be completely worth it when you have your baby in your arms :)
        Katrina, the fear sets in pretty quickly, hey? Fingers crossed!

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  15. Everglade

    I fell pregnant at 26 and my GP was so happy that I was only 26. Anyway, when it happened I was far from feeling ready for it but agreed to start trying for a baby because my husband really wanted to – we had just got married after ages together, and both knew that we would like to be reasonably young parents. And I’m so glad I did because if I waited until I was “ready” I would still be childless at 31 and who knows what problems I would have encountered? After turning 30 I started to get a few health problems, completely out of the blue, that have affected my fertility and will mean any future pregnancies will be much riskier than my first textbook pregnancy. So at least now I have one child and can be happy with that if I don’t have the option for another. I would urge anyone in their late twenties/early thirties, in a happy relationship, just to go for it, even if you think you don’t quite have the finances you would like. There is no ideal time to have a baby, but we all work it out in the end.

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  16. mel

    Your doctor is saying that for a reason – sure 26 is young but I think considering pregnancy in you future is very important if in fact you do want children.
    The ability to fall pregnant isn’t all based around age. There are a zillion other reasons why one might have trouble falling pregnant, and these can happen to anyone, at any age.
    I wish my GP had have given me the same talk. I wouldn’t be sitting here at the ripe old age of 31 wondering if I’ll ever have a baby after 6 unsuccessful cycles of IVF. Stupidly, like many other twenty-something year old women I thought I’d have plenty of time to worry about having a baby.
    I’m not saying that everyone should go out and get pregnant in their twenties but if you do want children I think it is very important to consider your options earlier rather than later. I think your doctor said the right thing.
    I hope she also recommended you do an AMH test.

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  17. Katie

    When you’re young having children feels like something so far away, I feel like a child myself still! Thank you for this wake up call, it’s a topic usually only raised as a joke between my girlfriends.

    I’m 23, and in an amazing relationship but am still at uni. My plan has always been to travel and work towards a great career, then when I’m 30 I’ll start thinking about a house and babies. I’m starting to doubt this as a viable plan…!

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  18. Liza

    I like the advice I received that if you are in a stable relationship at 30 you really should be trying to start your family. Fertility is still pretty good and it gives you time if there are problems.

    I followed this advice and I fell straight away at 30 and 32. I joked that if I’d known how quickly it was going to happen I would have waited another year or two. But that’s the thing – we never know.

    No regrets!

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  19. guest

    At first I was never going to have children, then I divorced my first husband and a friend and I decided we didn’t want to be beholden to any man( my the 70”s were up there for feminism) so we decided our careers would set the scene for both of us to have children, (chose a donor) and then I would work to support us (couldn’t stand the idea of being home) and she would child mind.

    We were both 26 and knew enough then to worry about our biological clock. I had a great aunt who never had children and she never missed having children when the children would have been young, but as she got older she missed the family she could have had. When she retired she was conscious of how much others enjoyed their family. She told me don’t miss out just because you don’t like babies or don’t want to muck up your career, think about your life in the future.

    Nope we weren’t lesbians just decided we wanted children and didn’t want to do it alone, but didn’t want to “wait for mr right”. Outcome: I met Mr Right just before we put this plan into action, my friend decided to go ahead anyway and moved close to her parents.

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  20. Anonymous

    I was 2 weeks off turning 28 when my first child was born. I thought I’d left it quite late (but was only judging from my peer group who all married really young and started families soon thereafter). Throughout my entire pregnancy I was baffled when my OB and midwives kept referring to me as being ‘really young’. It wasn’t until I went to playgroup that I realized that actually I do fall into the young end of the spectrum.

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  21. Daisy

    It shows how far we have come that this is even a question! Is mid twenties too young to be thinking about fertility. Especially as most of us have been thinking about how to rein it in since we were about 16.
    Obviously, we could have had many children by that age if we were so inclined and that is how our bodies are designed.
    I’m not suggesting that we do that, I had my first at 28 and finished at 36.
    28 was when my biological clock started ticking big time and I was settled in my life.
    I hope my own children don’t leave it too late. I want to be a help to them not a liability! My youngest child’s friends mother’s are all younger than me and I don’t think about it too much but I don’t like it. I am now retired and wanting to travel but still have children studying so still need to think about money,and still paying a mortgage.
    I agree with someone below whose father said that there is never a right time to have a baby. I’m thinking that we probably should be doing it younger than we are. It doesn’t seem to be so much about making sure you are financially secure any more as it seems to be about the “me ” generation. The doing it all before which is crazy because having a child doesn’t stop you doing everything and is such a worthwhile thing to do.
    I think we need to question why we think it is a good thing to leave it so late.
    We are so lucky to have the choices we have these days.

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    • Kitten

      Some people such as myself, even at the ripe old age of late 20s-early 30s, can’t decide whether they even want children. This doesn’t need to have anything to do with selfishness or the ‘me’ generation – these generalisations drive me crazy! – as there are many unselfish pursuits to explore in life other than reproducing.

      So some people’s cluckiness doesn’t kick in at the biologically convenient time. And what is the choice then? When it comes to having children, I don’t think the “if in doubt, do” motto is necessarily a good idea…

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      • Daisy

        I agree with you. I don’t think you should do it if in doubt and I understand about the body clock.
        Also about the generalisation! Another one coming! This is something I often question. I do think though that as a society we have come to a different set of expectations to older generations.
        Once we were content to get a job, after study for some, and then marriage and family came next. Now, most people basically have to study for jobs that used not to require it. Now that travelling is affordable, every body wants to do that. We want careers rather than jobs. We want a certain level of comfort and lifestyle that was once only for really well off people. We want our lives to be exciting.
        This is not necessarily a bad thing but there is a trade off.
        In my own case I have high achieving young adult children who live overseas. I set them up for that so I can’t really complain about it.

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      • Stephanie

        This is me at the moment. My fiance said having children in the future would be nice, but it is not ‘one of his life goals to be a father’. I am 50/50 about whether parenthood is for me. What is holding me back is I am scared that my career would be affected and we will struggle financially. I always thought having finances sorted out was important…own a home, have savings etc…as I grew up in a family of 4 kids with parents who struggled financially.

        I also like my lifestyle as it is, with holidays every couple of years…though I suppose you can always still travel with kids.

        I am turning 30 this year so I really need to think this through.

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  22. Sarah

    Well all I can say is that in my mother’s group of 10 or so, only two of the girls were under 30. Most of us were in our mid-30s and two of the girls were over 40. One of the over-40s took a couple of years to fall with #1, but then popped out #2 and #3 with quick succession (and no fertility treatment).
    Of various friends who have had fertility issues (and all in their mid 30s), two had endo and had had that problem since their teens, and other other suffered early menopause in her early 30s.
    Sure, these are all anecdotes and not real data, but hey, I’d not freak out at 26. Go live it up for another 5 years at least, then think about it again. Babies are great, but they grow into children and they are there ALL.THE.TIME.FOREVER. Your 20s won’t be!!!!

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  23. Anonymous

    Well all I can say is that in my mother’s group of 10 or so, only two of the girls were under 30. Most of us were in our mid-30s and two of the girls were over 40. One of the over-40s took a couple of years to fall with #1, but then popped out #2 and #3 with quick succession (and no fertility treatment).
    Of various friends who have had fertility issues (and all in their mid 30s), two had endo and had had that problem since their teens, and other other suffered early menopause in her early 30s.
    Sure, these are all anecdotes and not real data, but hey, I’d not freak out at 26. Go live it up for another 5 years at least, then think about it again. Babies are great, but they grow into children and they are there ALL.THE.TIME.FOREVER. Your 20s won’t be!!!!

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  24. Emmie

    I’m in the same boat. I’m 32, been married for a year but together with my husband for many years before. Last time I went to the doctor (not my regular GP as he was on holidays) I discussed “getting fit for pregnancy” as my husband and I are planning on having one in the next few years (and hopefully another one after that).

    This doctor really got me worried. She said that I really needed to start thinking about this sooner rather than later, and the ideal outcome would be for me to fall pregnant within the next 6-12 months. Unfortunately my husband runs his own business and we’re just not at the stage financially of being able to lose my income.

    I truly thought that 35 was the age where you should start to worry just a little, and you didnt really need to worry honestly until you were way closer to 40,m about things like fertility and complications with the baby etc. However, this doctor said that I really needed to think long and hard about trying as hard as I could to have the two that we want before the age of 35.

    I’m now totally freaked out – I honestly don;t want to have a child within the next 12 months and possibly risk sending ourselves bankrupt, but I also obviously don’t want to leave it and put myself into a higher risk category for either not being able to fall pregnant or having a baby with disabilities or problems. I am really at the end of my tether over this and am almost in tears writing this. I’d never forgive myself if I left it too late and my child was born with some kind of defect that could have been avoided if only I’d had it earlier…

    What do I do?

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    • Liza

      Have the baby. There are no guarantees in life. If I’d waited until we were financially secure, I would have been 40 before I started trying. As it was, we scraped by for years (I’m the ultimate budgeter) until the business finally went under and we lost everything. So glad we had the kids because I don’t think we would ever have been able to ‘afford’ them.

      Would we have kept the business if I hadn’t had kids? Maybe, but there’s no way of knowing for sure. However, I don’t regret the choices we made. That’s life.

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    • Anon

      Don’t panic! Obviously, many people have babies later in life that are perfectly fine, but who knows, you may end up wanting more than two.
      I would bring it forward a little if you can. It might be hard at first financially but I work in the field of disabilities and when I had my last child at 36, I was very anxious until it was all over.
      People think about Down Syndrome but there are other things that can happen too.
      If you really can’t do it earlier, it doesn’t matter. You do what you can do and you make choices with the best of intentions. At least you are making informed decisions. If you need your salary to keep a roof over your head, then you probably shouldn’t do it. If you can live, but just not very well, then it is OK. Well, that’s my take on things while knowing nothing about you! Good luck.

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      • Emmie

        That’s my issue. It can take years for a small business to become truly profitable, so at the moment we could not survive (literally) without my income. I’m really against having a child that I know I probably can’t afford, I don’t want the government or anyone else to have to pay for me to raise my child.

        At the same time, as said above, if we wait until things are better financially I increase my risk of having complications or a baby with certain birth defects, or even of not being able to conceive at all! It’s all so incredibly frustrating. Hubby would start trying straight away if the money was not the issue, but after devoting the last 10 years of our lives to setting up this business (debt free, we never had any kind of loans or credit to get it up and running) we don’t want to see that go down the gurgler either.

        It just seems like so many people around us just have the kids and then have their parents or the welfare system half pay for them, but we really do not want to do that.

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        • Anon

          Well, I had a different situation but had to make tough choices and went back to work when my baby was 6 weeks old. It was hard, no question. No family to help etc My situation was the same as yours in that if I waited until we could have afforded it, I would be too old. I look back and wonder how I did it, but I have no regrets. Maybe that is an option for you. It is far from ideal and you don’t want to put yourself under too much pressure, but maybe it is an option for you.

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          • Emmie

            I’m really torn. I have thought about it. And I make absolutely NO JUDGEMENT on any other parents who has chosen to go back to work so soon after giving birth. For me, it has always been vitally important in my mind that if I am going to have a child then I need to be there to raise it. Even the idea of maternity leave doesn’t quite fit with me because it would mean I’d have to go back to work after 12 months.

            I know this seems contradictory to my situation but personally I think I would rather not have a child just yet rather than have one and then go back to work 6 weeks later, or even 6 months. Again, I am making no judgement on anyone else who has done this. None whatsoever. It’s just not something I can personally reconcile in my brain still at this stage.

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        • No Name Brand

          I truly believe if I waited until I was financially well off to have children I would still be childless. Instead I have two wonderful children and I’m glad I’ve had my children by the age of 30. But that’s what my husband and I wanted. Friends joke about me not getting any sleep now but probably by the time my two are in school they will be at the stage I’m currently in and the tables will be turned! I would definitely say each to their own though. It’s a big decision to have children and you have to be prepared either way that you may fall pregnant the first time or you may not, you don’t know until you try.

          I also had a business that was trying to get off it’s feet but decided to stop to focus on my first child and have another child and although my business partner did not see my side of it, it was the best decision for me and I’m so glad I chose to put my family and children first. Because for me if the business didn’t work out I could deal with that but if I left it too long in between and wasn’t able to have another baby I would not have been able to get over that.

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          • Emmie

            It’s just really hard, the business has been like our child for many years now. All of our money and all of our time and blood, sweat, tears etc have gone into this. This is my husbands dream 100%, there is nothing in this world that would make him give it up unless he went bankrupt and there was literally no way to continue. And I support him on that, we made the decision to have the business first, before kids. So I guess we need to respect that decision that we made all those years ago.

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            • Mish

              Just a thought… if the business is not profitable enough after 10 years for you to take time off… how much longer will it take? Is there a way you can help your husband expand the business while you are on maternity leave? I worked freelance for 2 years when my daughter was born. You have to look at different ways to make money when you have kids… a lot of people are in a similar situation these days. I wish you the best whatever you decide!

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            • Emmie

              To Mish (comment below which for some reason I can’t reply to – we’ve been building the business up for 10 years. It’s taken so long to get to the stage of officially opening and running it full time because we were determined to do it with no loans, credit etc. The business has been operating full time for only two years. Still in its infancy. If we’d been running it full time for 10 years and it was still at this stage financially I’d say we’d be looking at other options.

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    • anon

      Have a baby! Regret over not being able to have a baby is far, far worse (in my opinion) than regret over not being in a better financial position. What’s to say you do wait and it turns out you have trouble falling pregnant and have to use IVF? Now that’s financial pressure.
      Just do it – yes babies aren’t cheap but they don’t all have to be raised like Suri Cruise:)
      Do it – you won’t regret it. All the best. xxx

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      • Emmie

        We would absolutely not be able to afford IVF, that just simply would not be an option for us if we were unfortunate enough not to be able to conceive.

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    • Apple

      I’d say just start trying. Our friends were in a similar situation and had the mentality of ‘if it happens now it happens’ they got pregnant and even though they weren’t in a great financial position, they just made it work.
      A business can be put on hold but your fertility can’t.

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      • Loui

        I totally agree, start trying. It can take over a year anyway to fall pregnant. If the business isn’t profitable after years of trying to make it work, how do you know it will be in the next year or so? If you want children, you’ll regret putting it off if things don’t go to plan when you do start trying.

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        • Emmie

          Just to clarify, the business has only been operating full time for two years, the 8 years work we put into it before that was building it up from the ground up with no loans, no credit and no handouts from anyone.

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    • Suz

      Have a baby! We left it late, 38, so we were financially secure and had our own businesses. We were hugely fortunate we had 2 babies in quick succession. After having them I realised babies/children trump everything else you have in life, and I have an endless yearning for a larger family that won’t go away. In hindsight I would have opted to start younger and have 4 kids. If you leave it too late you limit how many babies you can have. If you think 2 is the perfect number now, you may be surprised when you have 2, run out of eggs and your family feels incomplete.

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    • mum of two

      My mum gave me the advice that you cant wait until you can afford kids, as no one can afford kids – they are expensive!! You will just find a way to make it work when you need to.

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    • Suz

      I’ll add another thing, bodies are designed to have babies young. I used to be fit and healthy, since having babies late, my body is stuffed. It certainly never sprung back into shape, and the chronic back pain for 3 years is the pits. Having babies has ruined my body, I feel 100. I can’t help but think if I had kids early my body may have recovered, maybe not, I’ll never know.

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  25. theoriginalpinny

    Alexis I am actually glad to read that a doctor is saying this to a young woman. Too many women do leave it too late thinking they have plenty of time to plan their family. Too many of these same women claim to have never been told that their fertility declines with age and they need to be planning to have children before they are 40. You say you plan to have children in the very very VERY distant future – the time between now and then will go really really REALLY fast and it may be too late then anyway.
    I think it is great that GPs are being honest and upfront about this with their young female patients. And I think you should return to him – rather than a less stress inducing one, he clearly has your best interests at heart and sounds like a straight talker.

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  26. Anonymous

    Im 24, very single (only ever had one bf) and I want a baby more than anything in the whole entire world… I constantly get asked when Im getting married…

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    • Kate

      I think about 5 people asked me last year if I was pregnant…its depressing!

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  27. Kate

    I’m 29 now, and have known for years that I want to have kids. I’ve been thinking about it since my early 20′s, and always planned to be a mum by 30, especially knowing that my mum had trouble having me. Unfortunately thats not likely now (recent break-up), but its still definitely on my radar, just need to find the right partner!

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  28. Kay

    I’m almost 40, single and no children. Happy and have a lovely life but it’s not where I thought I’d be. I would so dearly have loved to be a mum but that won’t be part of my life now.

    If you have a chance to have children in your 20s or early 30s, please think about it.

    Alexis, I think your Dr did the right thing, planting the seed.

    What have we all been waiting for?

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  29. Sasha

    When I was 16 I had this conversation, with my dad (of all people!). I was freaking out about wanting a career and needing to find the right person and the mixed messages about being financially stable to provide for your family but also time it so you’re still fertile and haven’t left it too late!

    And my dad said: “there’s never a right time to have a baby”.

    And I said: “But what do you mean???? What if I can’t afford to buy them expensive things that all the other mothers are buying their kids? What if it’s a massive disaster?”

    And he said: “You know, at the end of the day your kid needs a pram. You can buy the 1000 dollar one or you can buy the second hand one for a couple hundred. If it does the job and your kids are happy, healthy and loved then it doesn’t matter”.

    I think this really hit home for me. I am a classic over thinker but I worry because I know how much I cost my parents and I don’t want to throw a child into that situation without being financially secure. But if that means I’ll have to wait till I’m in my late 40s thats not ideal either.

    I guess I’ll just see where life takes me and do the best that I can!

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  30. Ellen

    Having 3 kids before 30 was so not part of my life plan, but it has taught me that it’s not the road to misery, poverty and no career. By the time the children are all in school I’ll be finished the degree I’ve been doing part time and able to get stuck into my career a bit more. My only worry with fertility is trying to prevent any more little surprises.

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  31. LD

    I’m not fussed about having my own babies, I’m 31 and the thought of pregnancy and birth utterly terrifies me, especially after hearing the horror stories from my two besties in the last year. Just a pity that adoption is so incredibly difficult. I’d much prefer to adopt a baby in need rather than creating another person when there are already so many abandoned children on this very overcrowded planet needing homes.

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    • Kitten

      I could have written your post. I feel exactly the same (though perhaps with less terror and more indifference). Adoption is absolutely my preference but seems impossible. It’s such a screwed up situation.

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  32. Guest

    I have been told by a good family friend who is in the industry that ‘chances’ of a healthy baby start to decrease at 27. Doesn’t at all mean it’s impossible just that every year it does get that tiny bit harder. I don’t think that means everyone should be rushing out to get pregnant with who ever they see first at 26 “just in case” but I do think that the glossy magazines make it seem much easier than it is and that more people need to know the reality – getting pregnant and having a healthy baby at 40 (or even 32) isn’t as easy as it is at 27.

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  33. Dee

    Great, another thing for me to worry about.

    I felt the scary, sick feeling in my stomach towards the end of the article and I am only 24.

    I am the same. I see myself, maybe one day, being a mother but that day is far, far away.

    Thanks for the thoughtful article :)

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  34. TheMrsSmith

    It’s all well & good to start thinking about our fertility in our twenties – but how many of us have been lucky enough to find the person we want to have our kids with by then?

    Whilst we keep hearing how women are ‘delaying’ starting a family, it’s more often that they’re still waiting to meet someone worthy of taking that next step with. That’s the part that’s even more out of our control that our fertility.

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    • One Day...

      Yes!! Couldn’t agree more. Being single and 31, I am apparently a “career woman” by default because I am not yet married and with child (according to my delightful and well-meaning grandmother).
      I’ve had to explain that it had more to do with meeting a suitable parter that I could consider having children with, rather than being overly focused on my next career move.
      I should stipulate that I don’t have any problem with focusing on my career (I think of it as what I’m doing in the meantime until I have children. Then, and only then I’ll consider my options). I’m also not overly-picky as other “well-meaning” articles have led us to believe all single women are (thanks Catholic Church).

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  35. Ali

    Yes… I’m 28 and this happened to me last year. My male DR looked at me like there was something wrong with me when I wanted to discuss new contraception ideas (nothing is working for me) and so he said “Well, you’re not getting any younger. Perhaps it’s time for you to try for a baby.”
    I’m someone who is all about my career and would love to have kids in a couple of years time. My boyfriend of 4yrs is in no hurry (31) but I couldn’t help but feel a little pressure, not to mention judgement.
    My FB feed is pressure enough with baby picture after baby picture.

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  36. Kylie

    Here’s my story in a nutshell. I’m 39 years old and about to embark on IVF treatment as a single mother, with an anonymous donation from the sperm bank. Not once in all my years of imagining my future did I imagine THIS! But I want to be a mum, and this is currently the best option I have left given my circumstances and time constraints.

    I’ve been in stable solid relationships for almost all of my adult life, with only the last few years being questionable. So what was I waiting for? I think I was waiting until all the other things were ‘sorted’ – you know… career, travel, house, husband, and not necessarily in that order.

    The problem is that life doesn’t necessarily hand you what you want. I was pretty ‘ready’ these last few years, but that’s when there was no longer a man in the picture. No man = no baby. (And I’m just not the type to pick-up a random at the pub!)

    Hindsight is a beautiful thing.

    I’m glad your doctor mentioned it to you Alexis. Seriously. I wish my own had. They’re not forcing you to have kids. They’re just asking you to consider your own fertility, which is exactly what you’ve done (well done you). One step better than that actually, you’ve blogged about it generating conversation about fertility.

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    • Anonymous

      And important to remember, career, travel, house do not really have a time limit. I look forward to travelling the world with my partner, when I’m 50. We don’t have to get everything done in our 20′s, there is time. Except when it comes to having children, then there is a time limit.

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      • Kylie

        You’re right – everything I wanted to squeeze in first could’ve been done after having children. I just don’t know why I never thought that way?

        I’m hoping I learnt that lesson just in the nick of time Anon – we’ll see!

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        • Mish

          Oh Kylie I wish the best for you! I have a few friends in their late 30′s who are desperate to be parents but still waiting for Mr Right. I wish they would go the same route as you before they run out of time. I was a single Mum from the beginning (I had my little girl at 29) and no regrets ever. Funny enough all the things I wanted to do before I had her I’m not interested in anymore… or we do it together and its even more fun… we’ve been overseas together and they have been the best trips of my life :) Best of luck with your IVF, fingers crossed for you!

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          • Kylie

            Mish, thank you so much!

            Can I share this with you?…. the hardest part about going down this path was actually giving up on the dream that it would happen with Mr Right. Once I accepted that it wasn’t going to happen in a traditional sense it all became a much easier road. I think this could be because it became my choice, and it was ironically quite empowering at the same time.

            I share this because perhaps this is where those few friends of yours are? Still grieving for ‘the dream’? Food for thought.

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      • Anonymous

        There are no guarantees in life, including whether you will be fit to travel or even alive at age 50.

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  37. Kylie

    Here’s my story in a nutshell. I’m 39 years old and about to embark on IVF treatment as a single mother, with an anonymous donation from the sperm bank. Not once in all my years of imagining my future did I imagine THIS! But I want to be a mum, and this is currently the best option I have left given my circumstances and time constraints.

    I’ve been in stable solid relationships for almost all of my adult life, with only the last few years being questionable. So what was I waiting for? I think I was waiting until all the other things were ‘sorted’ – you know… career, travel, house, husband, and not necessarily in that order.

    The problem is that life doesn’t necessarily hand you what you want. I was pretty ‘ready’ these last few years, but that’s when there was no longer a man in the picture. No man = no baby. (And I’m just not the type to pick-up a random at the pub!)

    Hindsight is a beautiful thing. I’m glad your doctor mentioned it to you Alexis. Seriously. I wish my own had. They’re not forcing you to have kids. They’re just asking you to consider your own fertility, which is exactly what you’ve done (well done you). One step better than that actually, you’ve blogged about it generating conversation about fertility.

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    • Mrs M

      Good on you Kylie.

      One of my closest friends embarked on this journey and gave birth to a beautiful little boy just shy of her 42nd birthday, best thing she ever did.

      Its a tough journey and l think you are very brave.

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      • Kylie

        Thanks Mrs M! I have no idea how brave I am yet, but I have a feeling I’m going to find out soon enough :/

        It’s really nice to hear a similar story that’s ended well :)

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        • Elise

          Hi Kylie, have you read the blog ‘Bumpy road to bubba’? It’s a beautiful blog by a woman who made the same decision you did – well worth a read! :)

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          • pinkpanda

            Hi Elise, thanks so much for the recommendation – I’ll be sitting down with a cuppa and having a read!

            FYI – Mamamia – I’m not getting notified of any follow-up comments. Maybe there’s a problem?

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          • Kylie

            Thanks Elise… It sounds right up my alley :)

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  38. Holly

    It’s never too early to think about fertility.

    I would recommend all women who think they may want to have children consider their fertility even in your 20s.

    From your early 20s your fertility declines and then the drop off past age 35 is even more so.

    I don’t want to sound like a scaremonger, but as someone who is going through fertility treatments at 32 years old, I’m glad I didn’t wait until my mid-late 30s.

    You don’t have to have kids, but by being aware of the realities of fertility, you’re giving yourself more choice.

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  39. Anonymous

    For me, it’s not different than planning for your financial future. You cannot really predict where you might end up, but you can sit down and think about what your goals are and what you would like for the future.
    You could lose your job, or you could end up on a fantastic career path that takes you to great places. You could get married and combine your assets, or could choose to remain single, and pursue your financial goals that way.

    It’s no different than asking yourself about babies. Do I want to have children? Do I need to be in a secure/married relationship before I will consider this? At what point to I decide to give up on the idea or try to go alone? Has anyone in my family experienced difficulty falling pregnant? What can I do to educate myself and know my options?

    Quite frankly, I think it is a flawed idea that people can decide to just not think about the future for a few years in their twenties, while they ‘enjoy life.’ Because life goes on, whether or not you choose to actively take steps to determine your future. Your body continues to age, even though you feel the same as you did at 21. Just because you might plans, doesn’t mean your body is going to wait for you to catch up to its life stage.

    Be responsible for yourselves ladies. You don’t have to discuss it with everyone you know, or the new boyfriend, but be responsible for your lives. Seek the knowledge to make informed decisions that are right for you, but make them informed. Don’t stick your head in the sand and wait to deal with it later, because you never know what options are passing you by.

    I am watching a very dear friend struggle to conceive. She said to me the other day – ‘I had no more at 30 than I had at 22. I had a bit more experience, but what happened to my twenties, what do I have to show for it? No savings, no house, no investments. All the things I did in my twenties, I realise now I could also do in my forties. But, chances are I won’t have the baby I really want. Or, if I spend a fortune to try and have that baby, I won’t have a home of my own to live in. And I certainly won’t be travelling and living the life I always thought I would have.’

    Now, she’s going through a tough time, but her sentiment is one I have heard before. And what can I say?

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  40. Nicki

    Argh, firstly, the assumption that everyone wants to have children. Secondly, the assumption that if you wait for “too long”, it will be “too late”. The fact is that fertility problems can happen to any one, at any age. It seems that medicos are putting more effort into scaring the beJesus out of younger people (particularly young women), than putting effort into real research and education!

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    • WTE

      Yes, fertility problems can happen at any age, but it’s far better not having the added time pressure when you are going through IVF etc

      I discovered I had fertility issues in my mid 20s, after 18 months of unsuccessful trying, and I was so glad when I was going through fertility treatment that I still had years ahead of me to try to fall pregnant, without having to worry that I had to get pregnant in the next 2 or 3 years.

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      • Nicki

        Fair call.

        On the flip-side, a girlfriend of mine was diagnosed with PCOS when she was 19, and told she was probably infertile, which didn’t bother her as she wasn’t interested in having children. 4 years later, she fell pregnant – neither she nor her partner were prepared for that. Traumatic for both of them. But they both decided to keep the baby, but the pressure of parenthood was too much for her partner and they parted ways a couple of years later. I still stand by why I think more research and education is needed – especially education of young men about the realities of fertility and parenthood.

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  41. Louise Johnson

    As a spokesperson for the Your Fertility project, I’m glad to hear that doctors are encouraging their patients to think about a reproductive life plan. It’s not about scaring young people into thinking they need to start a family immediately, it’s about encouraging people to think about the number of children they want to have. A woman’s age is the single most important factor in conceiving, so if you want to have more than one child, it’s wise to consider when in life you may want to start a family. For more information about factors that affect fertility visit http://www.yourfertility.org.au

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    • Nicki

      I thought, amongst infertile couples, the woman’s fertility accounted for 40% of cases, the man’s accounted for 40%, and the remaining 20% accounted for combined/unknown causes? That doesn’t sound to me like a woman’s age being a primary cause, especially considering that, say, polycystic ovaries and auto-immune diseases aren’t necessarily age-related health problems. It still sounds like a tactic to scare young women, IMO

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      • Anonymous

        I have seen it mentioned in a number of places including http://ivf.com.au/about-fertility/infertility-treatment

        “A woman’s age is the single most important factor affecting a couple’s chances of conceiving.”

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        • Nicki

          Where do any of these sources cite the research to back it up, though? Even the link you posted lacks clarity (e.g 40% female, 40% male, 30% combination = 110%)

          I’m all for people managing their fertility, whether they want children or not. But something still just doesn’t sit right with me about the “hurry up!” dialogue…….

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          • ArchieK

            If you look at IVF success rates you’ll see a significant age related drop off, particularly in your late 30′s. Egg quality declines with age, making it more difficult for older women to conceive, both naturally and with assisted reproduction

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      • Natalie

        isn’t it just common sense that a woman’s age is the biggest factor in infertility. You had trouble yourself and could not conceive due to your age. Being 40 and beyond is not the ideal age for pregnancy. Eggs are old. Simple common sense most would think.

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  42. Guest

    I think the doctor could have been a little more subtle in their approach (based on the description). Like others have said biologically it’s better to have your kids in your 20′s. However that it is not the only reason to have children. So I think its great for the GP to put the idea out there but it shouldn’t come with too much pressure as that just isn’t fair.

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    • Anonymous

      Seriously, people need to harden up. I GP wasn’t forcing her to have kids, just tell her the reality, that sooner is probably better than later.

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  43. Rose

    I’m 23 and in a committed relationship. It isn’t ‘perfect’ financially to have a baby, as in we don’t have a house, but I would be pleased if I became pregnant. I don’t think it’s too young at all and I think many doctors would have done the same thing as yours. In ways I would like if doctors could be a bit gutsier and more honest with us to tell you the truth! I have a chain smoking friend and her doctor recommended “try quitting if you can” Can’t the doctor give a bit more info than that about the benefits of quitting? Anyway I digress, we already know of one issue that will affect perhaps how easily and quickly we have a baby IF we have a baby and it makes me nervous. I want to know what my fertility is like now because it might take 10 years to concieve and by then I’m 33 and have been waiting an awful long time. I think there are benefits to being a young mum and benefits to being an older mum, one is not better than the other there is no perfect time. but sadly as a society it seems people have started leaning towards the thinking that it’s “better” if you are an older mum, it seems purely for financial reasons. Is that the most important thing?

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    • ...

      HAha, are you ME??? I almost just wrote that exact comment, age, everything. So weird!!x

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      • ladylaura

        Me too!!! I’m 23, in a 6 year relationship, have a house and dogs but cannot wait to have a baby :) boyfriend (25) wants to wait another 2 year’s which is ok but I am definitely going to be getting stuff checked out now in case there IS something wrong. As above said, better to know now and have quite a while to try rather than have only a couple of years until the window is closed completely. It’s one of the main reasons I am so glad I read mamamia because you learn about things like the amh (egg timer) test which is something people in our group would never hear about in day to day life!

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  44. M

    I’m about to start taking my meds for my 3rd IVF cycle after numerous clomid cycles and I’m 26yrs old. My plan was to be a young mum so my children, like I did, grow up with their great-grandparents around. Hopefully we have better luck this year and my plan has only been “delayed” by 2 years.

    The hardest part of infertility is learning the lesson that a plan is only that and being able to accept that it might not happen how you imagined (for someone who is the “planner” in our relationship this is what I struggled with).

    Our focus is now on keeping strong and healthy. We’re also grateful that we have a few more years to keep trying if that is what is needed.

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    • K

      I can sympathise with your situation. I’m going on 28 and am going through the analysis process with Repromed at the moment. Beside the fact that I suffer from Polycistic Ovaries, which seem to be a genetic issue for me rather than just suddenly having developed, it’s made it very difficult for my partner of 10 years and I to conceive. Lets just say we’ve had the opportunity for about 9.5 years of our relationship to be pregnant, with being successful twice, but unfortunately the pregnancies didn’t work out.

      I wish I had a doctor that had advised me to look into my situation much earlier to start coming up with a plan rather than just thinking, ‘I’ll be right, I’m still young and it will happen when it happens’.

      I wish you the best of luck and hope that the next stage of your treatment works out for you!

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      • M

        Thankyou for the well wishes K. I hope that your journey is smooth in the near future as well :-)

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  45. EmmDee

    I think your doctor’s done the right thing here.

    I’m in my mid 30′s, last year met ‘the one’, and now we are trying our hearts out to get pregnant as simply by chance a Dr I was seeing about another issue suggested I get a test on my anti mullerian hormone.

    Although it’s not disastrously low, we were told to ‘start now’ and if not pregnant within 6 months we will need to look at ways to intervene. I wish I’d had the test earlier, especially as some of my family have gone through early-menopause – because then I could have made some educated decisions and kept more options open.

    So, now I’m keeping my fingers & toes (but not my legs!) crossed in hope of being up the duff in the next few months!

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  46. picardie.girl

    Eep. I’m turning 30 this year and this discussion kind of freaks me out.

    Is there a cheapish, easy way to test your fertility?

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    • neo name

      YES! The AMH test – costs $60 – well worth it. there was a post on here about it a couple of years ago – it’s a game changer.

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      • Jobe

        I’m all for the AMH testing, but it’s not everything! My result was 33, which is pretty much perfect for my age (29), yet We’ve been trying to conceive for 18 months and starting ivf next cycle.

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  47. picardie.girl

    Interesting.On the other side, I know someone who at 26 or so has 3 kids, and when she went to the doctor a while ago for a headache (or something), she was given unsolicited contraception advice!

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  48. Anon

    Wow this is timely – my 22 yr old daughter just rang to tell me she is pregnant. Is 46 too young to be a granny????

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    • Anonymous

      My daughters best friend has a grandmother your age. I’m jealous as the grandmother has so much more energy to help out with the kids than my parents do for my kids (and my mum only turns 60 this year). I think 46 is a great age to be a grandmother :)

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      • Anon

        Thank you for your comment. You are quite right. I’m still feeling a bit freaked out but also starting to get excited. I had her at 24 so young as well. I guess you’ve pointed out another benefit to having babies earlier too!

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        • Lisa

          Congrats! My mum loves being a grandmother, she said she didn’t realise she would love her grandchildren as much as her own. You get all the lovely bits of babies and the ability to hand them back :)

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    • Ami

      I’m pregnant and over the moon so my mum will be a 44 year old grandmother and couldn’t be more pleased! And my daughter will have a great-grandmother who is 63! It’s all been a bit of a fluke but with loving partners and great support networks I think it’s fantastic!

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    • Anonygranny

      Not too young,I am now 48 my gran daughter was born when I was 46,I cannot tell you how much I love it.
      She is the light of our lives. I look after her on my days off so my daughter can work and study,would not have it any other way.
      Enjoy.

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  49. Alexa

    I am 39 and my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for just over 12 months, we have had every battery of tests known to man and I know i have been diagnosed with an auto-immune disease, further tests to come. We are both on the low side of egg and sperm production, so while it is not impossible, it certainly will be a miracle if it does happen. It took me a long time to me him, so we didn’t muck around but still time is againist us, we won’t be doing the IVF.

    Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

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    • Anonx

      Hi Alexa, off topic question, Can i ask why you have decided no IVF? Im 37 and been trying for 2 years. Husband has no fertility issues, it’s all me. But I’ve been thinking the same thing – no IVF. I get some very strong responses from the few people I’ve mentioned it to. And i’ve not met anyone else who felt the same.

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      • HI Anonx

        My husband will be 44 this year and for us it is about age, I have friends and work with women who are older than me and have older partners but for us, we don’t want this, also IVF is expensive, just going to a Fertility Specialist is pricey and yes we shopped around.

        I guess you have to draw a line is the sand and decide when enough is enough for your personally, as much as I would love a child, it is not the be all and end all, I am just so happy to have a wonderful husband, so anything is an added bonus.

        From day one all he has said is, as long as we try…

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        • Thanks for your reply

          My brain says the same thing (Husband is 48).
          But when i’m at a child intensive location like a public pool or park with DH, my eyes fill with tears and I think my heart will break.
          I never thought I would have children, as I met my husband at 34 and had grown accustomed to thinking that ship had sailed.
          But after 2 years of trying and tests and pills, I don’t know if I can let go of the sadness that pulls me when I see families with their children?

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  50. anon

    wow 26 is NOT too early at all! everyone’s fertility drops at a different time – you can’t rely on someone else’s own experience with it. Your fertility can drop drastically basically from anytime around 30. Everyone is different.
    Personally I’ve been thinking about fertility since I was 20! At 21 decided it’s a definite goal in the very near future. 22 was yep it’s happening next year. 23 I’m ready to get on it! But there’s so much to sort out in terms of security for my child that I think we probably won’t even start for at least another 2 years. My point being that by the time I AM pregnant it will probably have been 5 years thinking about it/planning it. So it’s probably never too early to just start THINKING about it. There are so many things to sort out, it’s not likely that thinking about it will result in pregnancy the same year lol

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