Yeah, I knew that breast feeding might be tough. I read that I might get post-natal depression. I knew not to expect a lot of sleep. What I DIDN’T know about this whole motherhood thing? The details. There were many many details everyone neglected to mention. So after three children and many surprising discoveries here’s some fine print for the parents of the future…..
1. There will be some of your child’s books that really piss you off. These are guaranteed to be the ones your kid wants you to read EVERY NIGHT. This will almost kill you. (See point 7).
2. Having children does not make you a morning person. My whole life, I have never been good in the morning. Those I’ve loved and lived with have always known this and adapted their lives accordingly so as to avoid any form of interaction with me lest I punch them in the face. I assumed this would change when I HAD to get up at dawn’s crack and be a parent. It didn’t. Unfortunately (for them) my children do not have the option of avoiding me in the morning. Especially when they require breakfast from my boobs. Urgently. After more than a decade, I’m still fairly unhappy about having to wake up so early every single morning of my life even on weekends even public holidays even when on vacation, OKAY? But I’ve learned to stop growling and suck it up.
3. There will be some of your child’s clothes that you loathe. These items will have been given to them as gifts by people with no taste and are guaranteed to be your child’s favourite things to wear. Every. Single. Day. Make them disappear.
4. Friends, relatives and shopkeepers will give your child treats, making it impossible to control their sugar intake. At Easter time? Leave the country.
5. No matter how well intentioned you are about organic and non-processed and blah blah blah, you too will bribe your child with sugary treats to get them to do something you want them to do. You will. I promise. Don’t fight it.
6. At some point, you will be forced to raid your child’s wallet or piggy bank to pay the babysitter or pizza delivery guy. Leave an IOU. They can discuss it with their therapist in twenty years.
7. While reading a story aloud to your child, it’s possible to be thinking about something entirely different. Like when you’re driving. This will frequently come in handy (see point 1).
8. Going away with your kids is not a holiday and bears no resemblance to the activity of the same name in which you partook when childless. It’s simply called ‘moving the children to a different location without any of the neccessary props you have at home and making life infinitely more difficult for the adults’.
9. Kids are hilarious. Even when they’re newborns they do stuff that makes you laugh. Even their farts can be funny. And when they can talk, you will become one of those people who recount stories about the cute way your kid pronounces words. It won’t be funny to anyone else but you will tell the stories anyway because it will make your heart clench with love.
10. Playing is not fun. I don’t know why, as a grown woman, I expected to suddenly enjoy doing puzzles and the hokey pokey and making farm animals out of toilet rolls. But I did. I thought that’s what parents were meant to do. Play. I love spending time with my children and talking to them and hanging out. Playing? Not so much.
11. Parks are tedious. I used to think I was the only one who felt this way. Then I bumped into a friend and asked how she was enjoying her maternity leave with her one year old daughter. “I really need to go back to work part-time,” she said. “If I have to go to another park, I’m going to lose the will to live. It’s death by park.”
Any other details you wish you’d known about prior to having kids? Sharing is caring….comment away…..
GIVEAWAY! I have three sets of the Being Dad DVDs worth $55 each to give away randomly to commenters. They’re funny, educational documentaries made for expectant couples to watch together and you can read more about them here. If you’d like to win one for yourself or a friend, say so at the end of your comment and check back here in a few days for the winners.
UPDATE: …and the winners are…. Danielle Melnyezenko, Katie (p3) and Kylie (p10). If that’s you, email Simone from Being Dad here with your details so she can send your DVDs out to you. Congrats!
Comments
140 Comments so far
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Things I wish I’d known:
(Background – there is a 10yr gap between my eldest daughter, and my youngest 2. My youngest 2 are twins).
To hospital staff:
Midwives/nursing staff will abandon you “because you’ve done this before”. Yes, I did. 10 years ago. With one (now I’ve got 2). I felt abandoned and clueless then, and now, even more so.
Yes, you will teach my partner how to bath/wash/change a baby. He wants to learn. You will not roll your eyes/give unhelpful bitchy advice/assume that Mummy wants to do it all herself. This Mummy does not.
No, you will not abandon me to the challenge of breast feeding twins with the comment “You’ll figure it out”. I do remember that’s what you told me last time – and I developed mastitis. Just like I did this time.
It is not good enough that you try and kick me out of hospital after 2 days, with twins and a weeping C wound, promising lots of lovely at-home help. I was very excited by this, right up until the point when you realised where I live, and point out that this service doesn’t apply where I live (because I’m not in your “hospital catchment area”) Translation – get out of our bed, we don’t give a shit, you’re on your own.
To strangers in the street:
Yes, we have twins. One’s a boy, and one’s a girl. No, they are not identical. No, they are definitely not identical. No, really. You see, to be identical, they have to be EXACTLY THE SAME!! And one’s a BOY, and the other’s a GIRL!!! (be prepared to repeat, several times a day).
No, I don’t want your advice on child-raising/why my baby is crying/etc.
No, I don’t want to share with you intimate details of the conception/pregnancy/birth. That’s none of your business.
No, I don’t want to hear your stories of your conception/pregnancy/birth. That’s none of my business, and I don’t want to know. No, really, I don’t.
To New parents:
Lots of family & friends will want to cuddle your baby, while your baby is clean, smelling amazing, in gorgeous clothes, and happy & smiley (or asleep). In the middle of the day. While you are serving brewed coffee, and home-made cakes. Nobody (apart from a saint) will want to know at 2am. When the baby has woken up for the umpteenth time. Nobody (apart from a saint) will want to know the next day, when yesterday’s dishes from yesterday’s visitors are still piled in the sink, you are wearing the clothes from the day before yesterday, and your baby has vomited or pooed, or both. When this happens, they will not (generally) offer to help. They will leave, and discuss later, in worried tones, how you are not coping. Note, do not expect these people to offer to come mop the floor/wash the dishes/mind your baby in another location so you can sleep.
Be aware that children are the masters of manipulation to get exactly what they want. It’s in their genes. I know it’s a pain, but try really, really hard get out of bed, feed & settle your baby in their own cot/bed, and then go back to your bed. Babies & children do not understand the concept of “”just this once”. Allow a child into your bed, and prepare yourself for the next 10 years of broken sleep. PS: Also, set an age appropriate bedtime, and stick to it. Every night. Rigidly. You need this to happen, and it will not happen by magic. It will take approximately 2 years – looking forward, two years seems like a long time. But look back, and see how quick 2 years go by. (I recently attended an evening function, in a private home, where – at 10pm – some of the guests had to sit on the floor because Miss 4yo Princess wanted to sleep on the couch. Miss 4yo then told us to be quiet because she couldn’t get to sleep. I left.)
Which brings me to my final point – never take parenting advice from anyone who has children, but you don’t like the way their children behave. (Also, I choose not to take parenting advice from anyone with a badly trained dog. I figure if they can’t teach a pet how to behave, then their kids are going to be brats as well).
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I don’t have kids – ask me again about all of the above in 3 months time… HOWEVER, I do believe in all of above being pretty much spot on… My mother is particularly keen to see how I deal with when I’m on the plane and the screaming child everyone is giving greasys (I have been known to give a few) is mine – EEK! WATCH THIS SPACE! (Hubby & I would love a dvd if you have a spare!
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I had twins first and that’s all. They are 9 now. When home they have to know where I am even Loo, But I do love reading to them and playing etc. We did take them to New Zealand age 20mths and I must tell you it did feel like we visit every single park in New Zealand. What no one told me about parenthood is how many people will make comments on how you raise your children, I’ve had a it happen alot this week & I’m quite sick of people’s comments. If you cant say something nice, well don’t say anything at all then!!!
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…the bits of food you find everywhere when they are toddler and in the not eating/flinging stage; their refusal to eat anything I cook (again when toddlers); when I am sick and they are sick and it is raining and everyone is tired and grumpy; the way my brain doesn’t work as well as it used to
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I rue the day I taught my 3 yr old to play eye spy in the car. EVERY SINGLE TIME NOW SHE MAKES ME PLAY IT!!!!!!!
EVERY TIME!!!!
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I don’t have kids, but remember torturing my mother with quite a few of these! My favourite book was Black Beauty and I remember the day Mum said the ‘bad man’ took it. I suspect it was Dad.
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I love No 8 every time i think of booking a holiday i remember the last one and how stressful it was and recall counting down the days til we arrived home..
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Ah first world problems. It’s tough, the life of the middle class mother who has time to read, take holidays, buy organic for their child.
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yep, i knew many details and still I get frustrated at so many things like why do I have to repeat myself over and over or why cant this get done a bit faster, not a chance, they show you on their time table what is really important….
being a single Mom since my son was 6 weeks old and now having my daugther being already 14 months I dont know if I ever get any time or anything ever done for myself….they just outlast me because they are 2 against 1!
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Rebecca, OMG, I got that weirdo book too, couldn’t believe I had received a book about a mother dying, I have banned it!
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Nina – your post made me almost spit my wine all over the computer (almost). V V funny. Hit a real cord.
As did yours Mia.
#101 – I loathe talking about cars, boats, twains, planes, choppers, cabs. OMG who invented all these forms of transport and who said little boys would be so interested in them? I have NEVER encouraged any interest in traditional boy related interest. And yet the gender neutral doll is tossed in a corener and I must now spend half my day feigning interest in wheels??? I am SO bored of talking about cars.
NB – I may be a little overwrought having returned from holiday today and having caught a car, a plane, a train, a bus and a cab with an overactive, overtired, oversugared 21 month old. All in one day.
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I am a mother of three children under 5. I am not a morning person either, When i had my first child i thought they go to bed when told and they just slept through the night until morning. At the moment, we have my son and daughter coming in bed with us at any hour during the night, as well as our 4.5month old in his cot in our room. So its open house 24/7! My son is obessed with the garbage truck, so the whole house hold is awake as early as 4.30AM! Oh, its not good enough to look out the window, we have to go outside and greet the truck with the flashing lights and me looking like a madwomen with bed hair because my children have no concept of time ! The driver knows us now and waves to me and my children every collection week.
Also, if my children are sick with a runny nose etc,etc the whole household is sick and the endless trips to the doctors can be frustrating. I am a nurse and I work weekends, somtimes i feel I haven’t left home. My children follow me around and want to know where i am at all times. Sometimes I feel I’m on home detention. Being a mother in this generation is tough, there is no sick leave or vacation leave or business hours. But we do the best we can.
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I love that – Home Detention!
Oh and the garbage truck (lucky was never 4.30am for me) my son used to follow it around the court, he used to get so close to the big metal arms that come out I thought it would pick him up!
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I remember saying to my mum after having my first baby….”WHY didn’t you tell me??”
There were so many things I never knew about parenthood….
- That my bed would no longer be MY bed.
- That breastfeeding hurts….a lot.
- The guilt you feel when you lose it is the worst feeling ever and yet it doesn’t stop you the next time they are driving you insane
- That I too would not enjoy playing games, hanging out at the park or acting out (in excruciating detail) the plot to the latest animated movie where I inevitably have to play the villain while my son is (always) the hero
- That kids hear everything…seriously even when you whisper…they still know.
- That I would miss my own company!
- I wish I had known how hard it is to parent another human being, I think if I’d have known I would have waited a good few years before I did it
- Nothing and no one prepares you for the intense emotional overwhelming feelings of pure love you feel for your child, there is nothing else like it in the world, nothing and no one else even comes close.
All done.
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Anonanon – I really feel for you. To feel trapped like that is the absolute pits.
It’s hard when you feel you are forced to do what you don’t want to do and can’t see a way out. I’d love to be able to offer some advice, however I’m guessing it would sound very trite under the circumstances. I hope it works out for you.
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My number 13? Don’t leave your good black pants, you know, the nice stretchy pair that are the only thing that fits after the whole lovely birthing thing? Yes those ones. Well don’t leave them lying on the laundry floor. Your husband will think he is doing you a huge favour by throwing them in the hot wash with the nappies. Yep. Once lovely, comfy, almost flattering black pants wear-them-every-day wardrobe staple has now become wierd shrivelled twisted white spotted funny gray streaky bits piece of rag.
And I don’t need parks! I have a farm, cows, sensational vistas in every direction, trees to climb, dams to throw rocks in, chooks to feed, veggies to water, but I’ll stop bragging now!!
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Gemma YES! Public toilets are my most hated thing in the whole world. I hate them to the point of taking the potty in the car so the kids don’t have to use the public toilets. Ick. Especially the park ones, they are just soooo gross and unclean eeeewwwww!!!
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Simone my kids like to do the ‘very long poo’ in the ‘very dirty public toilet’. The need to poo usually happens when we are as far away from home as possible. Actually, when I think about it, it seems to occur with number 12, the toilets at parks are truly repulsive. Another reason to dislike parks…
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As a babysitter, I understand about the books. I cannot stand “The magic school bus” or understand how it came to be on the Scholastic reading list. Once I turned the pages three at a time and luckily the child fell asleep regardless of gaps in the storyline.
I then went and had a cup of tea and remembered my Mother doing the same thing with my books, and observant little me saying “No! you’re reading it wrong!”
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You forgot number 12. Kids are crap magnets. No matter how much you clean, tidy your house or strive to a have a beautiful home, your children will bring in ugly plastic items with which they cannot part. Promotional posters will replace anything remotely like art.
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Aaahh the treasure box/jar/basket,/bag etc etc.
Various things are filled with found treasure….rocks, feathers, sticks, plastics bits, money, stickers, and millions of other bits of crap that must be smaller than my childs fist.
Treasure is accumulating everywhere!
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ROCKS!!!!! My three year old daughter is obsessed with collecting shiny smooth pebbles just as much as she is dirty, jagged rocks from various gardens. No wonder my kitchen rubbish bin is getting heavier and heavier
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Hi Mia
The whole playing thing is so hard. I often feel in a constant state of guilt for trying to get out of it. My lovely 5yo boy loves to play with me and often directs the way in which we play. I’m sure it makes perfect sense in his own head but when I do it he seems to be constantly telling me I am doing it wrong. However, he seems encouraged that I am actually attempting to play with him. The afterglow joy on both our faces when we have spent time together “playing” is worth it.
Although I do long for the days when I could just put my feet up and watch tv uninterupted or read a book.
Looking forward to retirement…
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Mia you forgot one other thing nobody tells you. The ill timed “very long poo” that your child always needs to do at the most inopportune times. Why do they take so long on the toilet? (My youngest sings bawdy drunken sailor type songs on the loo!) And why do they wait until you are almost running late for something before realising they need to go? We were at the snow this weekend and after spending what seemed like hours dressing everyone and putting on all the gear (thermals, boots, ski pants, jackets, helmets, gloves, goggles, scarves etc.) my six year old realised it was time for a “very long poo”. So of course we had to undress him and wait for a ‘very long time’ in all of our gear – almost passing out in the very hot appt. It always happens and I don’t recall being warned about this phenomenon before kids!
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I must be a weird mum then cos i actually enjoy playing with my daughter (3 yrs old) and going to parks! We play with her dolls, crafty things, books, blocks etc for ages. And the parks? I find it a social outlet really. I actually look forward to chatting with other mums and watching the kids play.
Does that make me weird? lol
But i can relate to almost every other thing on the list!
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Tick all eleven for me. My number 12 would be that even though you love your child to the moon and back, you can be so sick of the sound of their non-stop talking some days, you could fill your ears with melted wax. Or is that just me?
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Gee I must be the only guy on here! Maybe that is why I didnt agree with most of the points. I have 3 children and the youngest is now 20! I really miss the time playing in the park. A time when the whole extended family could join in and play whatever is going. I was always a morning person so found getting up early no probs
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Oh my Goodness – I LOVED this!!!!
I just finished watching 60 minutes where the story was on being a stay at home Mum/Housewife and how wonderful it was! As I watched it I was in my PJs with my 3.5yo, 2yo and 1yo all asleep in bed, FINALLY.
Today my 3.5 yo cut the 2yos hair with clippers (No blade), making his previously very cool and funky blonde Mohawk into an accident with a lawnmower! My 2yo will now be wearing beanies ALL winter to cover his barely there white blond hair.
As I sat recovering from that ordeal and making a mental note to visit Cotton On Kids for another cool beanie, sipping (ok guzzling)a glass of red in front of 60 Minutes, I wondered if I was the only mum in the country who was NOT enjoying the day to day chaos of ‘motherhood’!!
Then I read your blog Mia – and let me tell you, I’m feeling SOOOOOOOOO much better!!!!
3 kids under 3.5 – what the hell was I thinking!!!!
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I like the park. At least it gets us out of the friggin’ house!
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Love this article thank you, good to read about a bird’s experience with kids. Will pas this link onto my wife. We are DINKS (Dual income no kids)at present but planning so no doubt we will be NPAM (New parents and moneyless!)
Agree with you about mornings, god who invented morning!
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As a 7wk pregnant first mum I love this post. Noone ever tells you these things (except for my Mum
)
Would love to win one of the DVDs please Mia!
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me too, just found out today I’m 6 weeks along, first time
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Thanks for making the effort to comment on my comment, Caroline. I appreciate it. It’s nice to get thoughtful feedback.
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I don’t think we should judge people and say ‘you should just be happy to be at home with your kids and quit whining about the park because i wish that was me’ or ‘you should feel so lucky to go to work’ etc etc. Everyone has their challenges in life, every case is unique. We should all just support one another, be good listeners and share our hardships so as parents we don’t feel alone in the world.
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I nanny’d for a few years, and while I didn’t mind the park as a whole, I LOATHED the swings. Nothing is more tedious than standing there pushing the kids back and forth, back and forth. Loved the rest of the park though, used to push small children out of the way so I could play
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E – I don’t think you will know whether or not you want or don’t want children.
If you meet someone special and you feel drawn, you will. If you meet someone special and it happens, then you will.
Otherwise you will lead the fulfilling and generous life you currently do.
I was not able to forsee a life without my own children. I def. wanted it. Once my daughter was born I realised that I might have been OK without children. The hard thing is that only those who have had children can also have the luxury of saying “I think it would have been OK if they had never happened”….
BUT…now that she is older and we have a smashing relationship and I have smoothed into being her mum, well, I can’t be without her…
Life will undoubtedly lead you to where to need to be. And no, people without children are not selfish at all and who cares anyway? Everyone is drawn to what is right for them…..live and let live….
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Amazing, exactly spot on, especially..
No2, standing here typing at 7am cause been up since 6am on Sunday morning w hangover. Its just not fair
No5 only in the instance of out and out bribery re No2
No8 OMG, have had worst holidays! who would ever know that, no kinder, no daycare, no nannas, 24/7 kids…get me home
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Hi Mia,
I am a bit late to this post but I am a semi-regular (and hopefully constructive) commenter and would like to win one of the DVDs for my sister and her husband, who are about to have their first child in August.
While I’m here, allow me to make a suggestion for a future post (or posts): When do you know NOT to have children? And then, if you don’t (or can’t), how do you go about shaping your life while almost all of your peers are up to their armpits in nappies, homework and Miley Cyrus… and think you ‘don’t understand’?
I am in my early 30s, single and childless. Most of my friends are married, although no one close to me has had kids just yet. Up until recently, I always thought I wanted to get married and have kids. Now, I’m not so sure. I have always been, and still am, keen to have a loving and inspiring relationship with a man. (I recently broke up with my boyfriend because we did not see a long-term future together, but remain close.) However, I have never been, and am still not, particularly ‘clucky’. I am a Big Sister mentor to a disadvantaged teenage girl. I love it and find that I just want to keep helping more and more teenagers. Also, teenagers seem to be drawn to me. However, if I’m honest with myself, I’ve never had a lot of interest in, or energy for, little kids. I’m happy to interact with them, and consider myself to be a warm person, but I find the idea of looking after them (non-stop, not to mention all the other things you have to do in life) utterly exhausting. I’m sure I’d manage but I don’t think I’d be very good at it (and fear I’d be judged for it). Once they became teenagers and adults, though, I’d probably be a much better parent.
I always thought, or had been led to believe by my mother, grandmother and society, that people who don’t have kids are self-absorbed, career-oriented and a bit detached but, in my case, that’s not true. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I’m even thinking of going back to uni to study counselling so that I can really get involved with helping people. Not being a parent might allow me to do some amazing things that I might not have had the time, energy or funds to do otherwise.
Thanks Mia. Love your work. As I’ve mentioned before, my only complaint is that you post too many interesting things and I don’t always have time to read them all!
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I’ve so enjoyed this post & comments! But I must give special mention:
MayaB: Thanks for the heads up – #2 is due in a few months, and we have convinced ourselves that this time will be far easier because we’ve “supposedly done this before!” I will remember your words when I’m feeling incompetent (and yes, now that you mention it – how DO I bath a newborn again???)
wiglet: I have tears of laughter still streaming down my face. You reminded me of when my daughter was about a week old and she did a projectile poo right at the moment my partner was bending down to get a fresh nappy – right in the eye. He knew he was a father at that moment – rather than being grossed out, he thought it was hilarious and cute!!
To Lucy and all the others disheartened by this post – parenthood is by far the most amazing thing you will ever experience. We are just enjoying the whinging because these are often things that you’re not ‘supposed’ to admit, so it’s nice to know we’re all in the same boat, and not bad parents!!
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Yes, yes, yes, SO agree with all of this.
I used to only go to playgroup for the social aspect – mine. To catch up with my friends before they all disappeared back into the paid workforce. Nowdays I send the girls to preschool so I don’t have to feel guilty about no playgroup. Let those who get paid to do it clean up the mess. A well-meaning friend bought my 4yo daughter a pack of multiple craft activities and painting gear, which I promptly put in a box and called it the “rainy day box”. Unfortunately El Nino is less so now, so the box does make an occasional appearance, but only when the toddler is asleep. I use the opportunity to zone out. I hate to participate. Wouldn’t want to squash her creativity – that’s my excuse anyway.
#2 – I don’t do mornings either! Never have, never will. Hubby has the opposite body clock to me, but that’s his problem, not mine. Only works for us on Sundays when he can be the breakfast-maker.
#3 – the clothes. When my teenage boys were little (like 2 & 4) I let them wear their full Batman suits – masks, capes, the lot – to the shops. I thought I’d feel mortified, but most people commented how cute they looked.
#5 add Happy Meals to that list.
#11 parks: I only go to fenced ones with plenty of seats. And even then the moon and stars have to align the right way for me to feel like taking them.
On the plus side, it brings a tear to my eye when I remember that by the simple fact that I gave birth to my kids, they think I’m the most fabulous person on earth. And they love me as much as their little hearts possibly can. No matter how slack a mother I think I am. Makes it all worthwhile, but doesn’t stop me wanting to whinge about it all sometimes. And not have any more – ever again.
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Anonanon, I do feel for you, it is very hard to feel unsupported, I was in the same boat, when my son was young, no family support, and my husband energy all focus on the business,my son is a wonderfull kid, very smart, did not sleep for the first six years, when he goes to bed now I know is brwing something (sick), this sleepness nearly broke me,I got to the point that I was very resentfull and sorry for myself, what change my attitude was working with a wonderfull special need boy, with cerebral palsy, boy I tought I had tough, you should have see how hard was for this boy’s mother, I learned from them how to be gratefull for what I have, first and most of all to have a healthy son, and I change attitude decided them to stop been a victime , and not to worry anymore about lots of things, with my husband fault the list can be endless,I erase them and start to appreciate his good quality, it worked for me I am happy and content, and my husband is very cooperative then before,I hope it works for you as well,lots of love and big hug ciao
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Anonanon – it sounds pretty bad for you. I hope you get some support soon. It is very hard to feel like the only person pushing the load. The feeling like you’re in prison is not something you can keep feeling for very long, do you have any ideas about how to get through this?
I don’t mind parks myself, I moved to the coast to have more open space so I must be a minority.
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Coolum is a great place to holiday with joung kids, they have cots, high cair and ect ect, and a great kids club, I spent there few holidays, years ago, worth trying,ciao
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Ps, In Italy they say ” you want the bicycle…….now pedal” love hugs ciao
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Mia for a good family holiday I reccomend “Coolun resort” you just have to brig with you only clothes, they provide everything for joung kids, fron high cair, cot, ect. ect. there is a great kids club,give it a try, ciao
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This post made me cry. I don’t mean tear up, I mean the full on howling sobbing red swollen eyed thing.
I work full time in a full-on career type job, having recently been obliged to return. I hate it; I don’t want to, but we have to eat and my husband effectively “dropped out” a couple of years ago and earns less than half what he used to but is never home anyway – yes, I seem to be supporting a mid-life crisis. Unfortunately my pre-kid career success was such that I am at a level where there ain’t no such thing as part time or low stress jobs. It’s well paid but so what? – Oh lord I am prison. Imprisoned by my own freaking career “success” with absolutely no escape.
So here’s my typical day -
Arrive at work at 7 (husband gets kids to school, and boy does he whinge about how put out he is by this). Work until 3.20. Pick the kids up from school at 3.30. Supervise homework (crack the whip over homework!) and adjudicate sibling rivalry and drive kids to school activities and stand around sport training fields in the OMG cold and make sure the dog gets a walk and cook dinner and all that. No “short cut” dinners here as husband has dietary isshews. Husband gets home around 8.30, just as the kids are heading to bed. Get back to work. Might get to bed at midnight/1am. Repeat.
“Me time”, the time I manage to carve out for myself, the time in the bathroom when I first get home from work. If I am lucky, the kids don’t come and try and talk at me through the door. Unfortunately the dog lets herself into the bathroom every time though.
Weekends – running to sports grounds and etc etc. I have not had a day free of kids activities etc since March. Helping on camps. Doing the shopping. Trying to get the house in order.
You know, I’d love a free hour to get to the shops on my own (not just cause I earn lots but I have no opportunity to enjoy it, but because there is stuff I need and presents I need to buy but no actual time in which I can go to the shops), but no.
I’ve been at the end of my rope for months. I’ve asked my husband to help (he’s cooked dinner twice in the last two months) and told him I’m not coping but he either doesn’t get it or doesn’t care. Something will break, and then what?
For crying out loud, enjoy the freedom you have.
I would love the luxury of hating parks. I didn’t love them either, but at least I could chill for a bit when I was there. I am not a morning person either, but this early-start is what I have to do to be able to spend any time at all with my kids. I would like more play time with my kids. Yes there are books that will piss you off, but they can disappear and be replaced with the ones that are fun to read (anything by Lynley Dodd). And at least those books END, my kids like to be read big stuff like Harry Potter books! Reading to them is joyous. And you can make the most of boring play – my son wanted me to push the stupid train around the stupid track but instead I made “design the perfect track” challenges for myself to stop myself from going nuts. And yes everyone gives your kids sugar, and the combination of easter and the Sydney show is deadly…
But relish your freedom!!!
I know this is way off topic, but it struck a chord. Probably the wrong one, but there you go.
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Hi there, I am reading this two years after you wrote it – if you get an email letting you know about my comment, I’d love to know how things are going now? Your husband sounds like a arse, did you ditch him or did he get his shizzle together?
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Dang I didnt see it was so old … I hope she found her work/home balance
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I’m staring open mouthed at my screen. As a 9 week first time preggo chick I (think) I am looking forward to long park visits, and 101 ways with a cardboard box. Death by park? Tell me it isn’t so!
Hubby and I would love a Daddy DVD, thanks.
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I knew that there’d be poo. Lots of it. Just never understood some of the implications involved with poo and babies/small children.
Like that I would actually consider it a good option to catch a poo in my bare hand (better that than it going all over the MIL’s cream carpet, anyway).
Or about poonamis – ie. how an otherwise healthy baby/toddler can do a huge exploding poo that goes from their neck to their toes.
Or that poo with sand all through it is really hard to wipe off bottoms.
And that you have to lift up little boys willies to wipe all the poo off their sacs (and likewise for little girls, you sometimes have to wipe between the vulva folds, which really seems to freak a lot of dads out big time).
Oh, just to add a postscript to MayaB’s ‘second child’ list, people will be more interested in the second baby as well if you pop out a third at the same time!
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I think you could do antoher list for things no one tells you about having your second child.
1. No one else is anywhere near as excited about your second pregnancy as they were your first. Be prepared for some underwhelming responses.
2. Some aspects of pregnancy, birth and motherhood with your second child will make you feel like you’ve never done this before. Especially at the newborn stage. it’s amazing how quickly you can forget how to bath a newborn when it was only a couple of years ago.
3. The things you don’t know the second time, you feel you should know because you’ve supposedly done this before!
4. The nurses in hospital leave you alone when they know it’s your second baby. No breastfeeding interference, no showing you how to do a wrap. pay attention the first time people.
5. The only thing people seem more interested in with the second one is it’s gender. If you have one boy and one girl, or vice versa, you are ‘clever’ and/or ‘don’t need to have any more now you have one of each’.
6. You wonder how you could possibly love another child as much, or find another child as cute as the first. You can, you do.
7. It’s so amazing to watch the older child protect and bond with the new baby (even if they sometimes treat them with a little too much enthusiasm).
8. You realise how each of your children are born with a set temperament, which can only partly be influenced by how you raise them. My children are so very different, and yet I think I have the same parenting techniques for both. No amount of ‘but you’re more relaxed with the second one’ can account for how highly strung my son is and how chilled my daugher is!
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oh thank goodness. my bub is only 5 months old and i love her to bits but find ‘playing’ with her pretty boring. now i feel WAY less guilty. and less pressure to enjoy the innane playdough filled play times that lay ahead. thanks.
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I love the way my daughter smells.
It’s worth all the bad outfits, snot, poo, wee etc. in the world.
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What about those discoveries you Love? Like the wiggles! I bouth tickets for my daughter last christmas and accidentally turned up a day late. She was mildly disapointed but I was in tears!( maybe because I forked out the cash)So I went home booked a hotel and new tickets for the wiggles in Sydney that weekend. Had to raid the money box to afford it!
I never thought a grown up would get so into a kids band, than again all those tears they have stopped, all that free time I get while glued to the tv so I can cook dinner or just read a book. No wonder I worshipped them.
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I meant to say I never thought I would have such detailed discussions about the above with a 4 year old.
I also hate playing. HATE it. TV is my best friend.
Oh, and nothing is ever your own. Makeup, headbands, hair elastics, brushes, combs, moisturisers anything I have shown remote interest in is pinched and hidden for a few days before brazenly paraded out in front of me just as we are walking out the door. Look Mummy, I’ve got lipstick on….
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Poos and wees and bums and farts
bums and farts
Poos and wees and bums and farts
bums and farts
and vomit and snot and dribble and drool
poos and wees and bums and farts
bums and farts.
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Bad mother alert here.
I love my 2 yo daughter BUT:
I hate the park. Miss 2yo is in full time day care. I do not go to the park. EVER.
I hate The Cat in The Hat (which will soon be The Cat in The Hat in the Bin). The movie is only slightly less worse. Only cause I don’t have to read it.
I hate the pizza lady who gives her a lollypop every time we get a pizza. EVERY FREAKIN TIME. Even after I told her that miss 2yo nearly choked on the last one in the car. As if I was going to take it away. As if I was going to stay in the pizza shop for the next hour whilst she at it. I had to stop and fish it out of her throat. I told you – bad mother. But the pizza lady still gives her a lollypop.
I really hate getting up early. Especially after a glass of wine in the evening (helps me get through dinner time). So I close Miss 2yo’s bedroom door and don’t get up until I am ready (about 8.30am). She is getting used to playing with her dolly, reading her books (pref The Cat in the Hat so I don’t have to read it later) and sitting in her wet nappy until then. I repeat. Bad mother.
I hate holidays. Actually, how can I hate holidays? I haven’t had one for three years. Yes, I count when I was pregnant cause I spent the whole time vomiting. Not a holiday as far as I am concerned.
I hate playing. It means I have to clean afterwards.
I LOVE chocolate. I get my way with Miss 2yo when I offer chocolate. When that fails, I offer a smack.
At least she’s cute.