You know how cats will often choose the person who is least interested in cats to rub up against? That was me and One Direction this morning. Our worlds collided. I bet they were stoked. It was only a couple of days ago that I learnt who they were. I knew the song “What makes you beautiful” and I’d heard the band mentioned of course. But I hadn’t pulled all those random bits together.
It came together quite dramatically for me this morning when I turned up at Channel 9 for my usual Wednesday slot with Georgie and Karl on The Today Show. Well, I tried to turn up at Channel 9 but my path was blocked by a police car and several witches hats at the end of the road.
I turned into the next side street and entered gridlock. As the production assistant from Today called me to warn me things were a bit hectic around the station (no kidding) and to politely enquire where I was, I did the most helpful thing you can when stuck in a traffic jam. I beeped my horn repeatedly.
Emboldened by my beeping, other drivers joined me as frustrated and furious residents got into fights with One Direction fans who were blocking their driveways and preventing them from going to work.
Making an awkward uturn, I abandoned my car at a petrol station several blocks from Channel 9 and bolted the rest of the way on foot. Quite an achievement in ridiculous Sportsgirl leopard print boots.
That was the easy part. Next, I had to navigate my way through several hundred screaming teenage girls to be escorted towards the studio. Behind them stood a dozen patient parents, indulging their daughters’ hysteria and providing transport, snacks and moral support.
Once inside the studio (after a brief tussle with a security guard who wouldn’t let me in without an armband – armband? what armband?), I decided not to go into hair and make-up and instead sneak over to the sectioned-off area where One Direction were being interviewed by Karl, Lisa, Richard and one very lucky girl called Hannah, plucked from the audience of about 200 who looked like she may pass out at any time.
As the girls screamed and cried (yes, cried),I studied the boys. They’re cute. No denying that. There’s a LOT of attention to hair detail going on.
They make Justin Bieber look low maintenance.
Apparently, their svengali, Simon Cowell, doesn’t allow them in pubic without full wardrobe and hair styling.
I took as many shots as I could before I was frog-marched to hair-and make-up with only 20 minutes before I was due on air where Georgie, Karl and I discussed…..One Direction. And the anatomy of teen girl crushes.
I reminisced about how mine were Boy George, George MIchael and Adam Ant and observed that my gaydar was pretty stuffed even back then.
We agreed that the factors inherent in teen idols were a degree of non-threatening cuteness. Almost an asexuality. Very clean cut. Squeaky. And that teenage girls were already a mass of hormones and boy bands simply gave those hormones an outlet.