Whenever I’m offered coffee in a meeting, I say yes. Even if I don’t want one.
I know it’s not cool to admit it but I quite enjoy the last few drops of the ice cold coffee that lie in wait at the bottom of a cup at the end of a business meeting. They have an “I’m-ready-to-leave-and-be-on-my-way” taste about them. An acquired flavour for sure and one I discovered quite by accident.
My weekend coffee is another matter; piping hot, brewed perfectly and preferably grown on an ecologically sustainable plantation by fairly paid workers (have I missed anything?). But in a work setting my coffee standards are rather different.
The first time I accepted a hot drink (to be honest I can’t remember if it was tea or coffee) at a business meeting it was in response to “I’m having a coffee, would you like one too?” offer from the customer I was meeting about his office phones. “Great,” I thought, “a cuppa will be lovely”. And as the meeting progressed I realised that the mood was quite relaxed as we sipped away whilst discussing the relative merits of two different telephone systems.
This was the start of the “great coffee experiment” I conducted over the next few years of my sales career. Where I found that not only did accepting a refreshment make the meeting more relaxed it also gave some natural structure to it’s pace. Small talk (relationship building!) until the coffee arrived, a segue into the business discussion as the coffee is stirred and then down to business.
The great accidental discovery that I made (a bit like Penicillin but without the Nobel prize) was that I could influence how long I got to spend with a customer based on how slowly I drank. Most people are generally polite. Particularly those who offer you a coffee in the first place. And they don’t tend to kick you out if they know that you’re still drinking. (I’ve found that it does help to hold the cup in your hand if you don’t want there to be any doubt that you are still enjoying their hospitality).
This discovery gave me the opportunity to gain a few extra precious minutes of discussion that were so important to ensuring that I had built as much rapport as possible and had the time at the end of the meeting that I like to confirm the participants understanding of where we had got to and to clarify next steps. Items that all so often get sacrificed as people are rushing off to their next back-to-back appointment.
In many years of field testing I can report that it works with all types of beverages but hot ones are best as you can work in the “wow, this coffee is taking a while to cool down” into the conversation. And it works in reverse. A meeting not going as well as expected can be hurried along (a little bit) by drinking up nice and quickly.
The cold coffee technique can also be applied in internal meetings, networking catch-ups and with most anyone. I’ve broadened my acceptance criteria from the ‘I’ll-have-one-if-you-have one’ response to a yes to any tea, coffee or water that is offered; and whether it’s offered by the person I’m actually meeting with or the assistant who is setting up the meeting.
This is not for the purpose of outstaying your welcome, being disrespectful of others time or wasting it. You need to use the extra time you buy for good (business discussion, asking questions, building rapport) and not evil (talking drivel, being repetitive, delving into detail that others don’t need to hear about).
It’s a bit like the law of gravity where when the apple leaves the tree there’s nothing stopping it headed downwards, once the coffee’s on the table it might go cold but I can control how fast it goes.
And that tastes good.
Karen is a leading expert in career skill development for women in today’s business world and author of best-selling career guide “Hot Tips for Career Chicks; Unlocking the CODE to success”. You can connect with Karen on her blog, via Facebook or on Twitter
Do you have any methods that you use to connect with people? Keep the conversation flowing







Comments
32 Comments so far
Hmm… Does it work with wine?
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I’ll definately be saying YES to that next offer of a tea or coffee!
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really intriguing article!! the only thing is i don’t drink coffee or tea – only hot chocolate or an iced chocolate! if i were to do the same thing, i have a feeling it’d come across as immature
or, to be positive, unique and individual?
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If you are in a coffee shop I would order whatever you like to drink. Chocolate drinks aren’t always an option if you are in an office…but sipping your way slowly through a glass of water will do the trick!
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I like this story.. sometimes it’s just nice to focus on the little things – life is so ‘dramatic’. Thanks
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I LOVE the smell of coffee. I’ll happily inhale it if someone else is drinking it (no weirdness with my face over the top of their cup though!
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I don’t drink it though. Weird, huh? I just don’t like the taste of it. I am actually not a hot drink drinker, but when I moved to a very cold place I had to find myself one so I became a hot chocolate drinker – yum! I am also new to Chai tea and it feels somewhat good to have found something that I can order anywhere and finally join in with the coffee/tea drinkers among my friends at a cafe (I used to just order an iced chocolate or something similar making me look a bit strange!).
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I am really good at making tea or coffee and then leaving it somewhere! Because of this I often drink them cold, it doesn’t really bother me anymore. Makes it a bit more refreshing too
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.. I had never thought of the importance of that coffee– great insights!! I always accept a coffee when offered and then at the end of the meeting look down to see most of it still there — yes cold coffee– means the meeting was great!
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Love luke warm coffee! Just my preference
my husband usually had two in the time it takes me to start my first!
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that’s really astute, I like it.
I wish I liked cold tea. I can’t tell you how many times a day I find a half made cup of tea waiting for me. Put the bag in to steep, go do a job and completely forget about it. I call it ‘the mother’s cuppa’.
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I once dated a guy who’s dad was a retired mechanic. Whenever I made him a coffee I had to add ice cubes to it as he’d gotten so used to cold coffee. Personally for me, coffee can be hot, warm or cool (not cold) and I love my tea piping hot!
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i had a similar outcome but with a can /glass of coke. never seemed to get time to finish, ended up buying lids to save flies etc getting in, and have now developed the taste for room temperature coke.
even when out i request no ice and do they have a can out the back.
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I’ve worked in hospitality for a long time. As the pattern goes I would walk into the venue where I’m working, make a coffee (normally bout 10 for both the chefs and floor staff) and one for myself. I would have one sip and then service would start so the rest of the coffee was consumed either luke warm or cold. It’s not that I really enjoy it, it’s just that I have become so used to it. Now working within an Advertising agency…I do get the odd look when someone offers to clear my half full cold coffee and I say I’m still drinking it.
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I used to be a corporate waiter in a law firm when I was first at uni and here are a few things I learnt:
•If no one wants coffee the meeting is going to be very brief
•The host always orders first as clients often are too scared to say yes first
•If someone orders something fancy like a piccolo latte it’s their way of showing off
•Cappuccinos in the morning, lattes or green teas in the afternoon
•People that use equal/sweet & low are a bit crazy
•If you order a skinny decaf latte at 4:30 in the afternoon you are a moron. Drink water or a tea.
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LOL, love these.
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I take offence! Caffeine makes me anxious so I always drink decaf! Love my coffee and decaf doesn’t make me a moron!
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Elle I dont really mean that all people who drink decaf are morons, I was just making a joke as it always seems to be in the last half hr of the day when we are trying to wrap it up that someone asks for a ridiculous order. Just a joke, no offense intended
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I tried coffee once, I was 4 years old and a flower girl at a wedding. I put about 10 sachets of sugar in it and still couldn’t drink it. I have never felt the need to taste it since then and will even avoid chocolate that smells or tastes like coffee. I also don’t drink tea or hot chocolate, perhaps I just hate hot drinks. *shrugs*
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I once read to always accept a drink (either coffee, tea, water) when offered in a job interview, as it relaxes the mood and shows that you are grateful for their hospitality. It also works to make you not as nervous. I have always used this and it works!
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I love that article! Brilliant tips to maximize the potential of a meeting!
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I’m from South America where most people love coffee, why I love coffee? I’ve been drinking it since I was a toddler…. In my bottle! Not a joke, my aussie husband thought I was joking and had to ask to mum to confirm it, my mum’s response, “Yeah, coffee, milo, same thing!” LOL!!!
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My excuse for drinking cold coffee? I’m a teacher – I make a cup at recess, it’s too hot to drink so I put it down, I run around like a crazy woman then go back and teach until lunchtime, and by the time I get back to my desk 2 hours later it’s cold. No psychology involved. Just busy-ness.
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I’m not crazy. I love my tea just warmer than room temp.
I will often make it and walk away for half and hour before beginning it.
Nice to know I’m not alone.
Question – do you ask for a coffee if it’s not offered and you need to keep the conversation flowing. Or do you use other techniques to get all you info out??
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Good question Becxtar! I wouldn’t ask for a coffee – as I think when it is offered the other person is setting the tone of being hospitable. But to keep the conversation flowing I think the best tactic is to ask questions. When the other person is being asked, with genuine interest, about what they know or think – they will generally keep talking!
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Great spin on it… love the technique… however… If I ever get carried away and forget my coffee and come back to sip it… and it’s cold… urgh… HATE COLD COFFEE…
Love this story though!
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I’m not a fan of piping hot coffee – I prefer it half cold or cold as the day goes on. I always order a take away coffee in a cafe.
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Karen, that is fantastic! I always drink my coffee (home prepared, cafe, or meeting) room temperature – I never thought of the psychology behind it. For me, coffee is about sitting a chatting – the cooler the coffee, the more chatting is done. Great post, thank you!
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Haha I am a massive fan of the cold coffee… I can sit on a cup of coffee in the office from the moment I walk in at 8am and still be sipping a few hours later! And agree with the ‘meeting’ strategy, it definitely puts everyone at ease!
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That is seriously good advice – taking it on board
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Vino
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Ah, here is a question…if you had to give up coffee or wine what would it be?
I think it would be coffee for me…life would be unbearable without a glass of vino!
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If wine wasn’t alcoholic would people drink it for taste alone? I don’t like the taste so don’t drink wine or alcohol! Love a cuppucino though but it must be hot/warm! Cold coffee is YUK!
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