BEC: Her life looked perfect on TV. But she was passing out drunk up to five nights a week…..
Talitha Cummins
By REBECCA SPARROW
Brave.
There’s no other word for it.
On Monday morning a news story left me dumbfounded.
A popular TV newsreader took the extraordinary step of outing herself has having had a serious problem with alcohol. How serious? Channel 7′s Talitha Cummins admitted to regularly having two-day binges and to getting black-out drunk up to 5 nights a week.
In an interview with News.com.au, Talitha said:
“I was a big drinker. Anyone who knows me, knows that. I drank to celebrate, I drank to commiserate, I drank because I had a busy day, a boring day, a holiday. For years, drinking was my hobby.
“But in the last four years it turned ugly. The first sip unleashed an unstoppable need for more and more.
“A binge could end six hours later, or it could end two days later. After every one, I was left with incredible feelings of self-hatred, guilt and riddled with anxiety.”
To celebrate. To commiserate. To relieve boredom. Sounds like the way I eat. (After all, don’t we all have a crutch we lean on? Alcohol. Food. Shopping. Sex. Gambling. Red Rock Deli Lime and Black Pepper Potato Chips. Some of us just lean more heavily than others …)
Anyway, Talitha’s confession comes as she celebrates four months of sobriety thanks to signing up to a quit program on
Hello Sunday Morning. So why go public with it all? She’s signed up as a Hello Sunday Morning ambassador with the hope of inspiring others to also confront their unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
‘Others’ like, well a hell of a lot of us, frankly. It’s estimated that one third of women binge drink and that 16% of Australian adults would be classed as either alcohol dependent or as risky or binge drinkers.
But let’s go back to Talitha for a moment.
It’s never easy for anyone in the public eye to reveal the flaws, cracks and secrets they (like the rest of us) carry – be that an alcohol or drug addiction, mental health issues, struggles with fertility or loss to name a few. It’s alright for us to have issues or secrets. But people in the public eye? Well, they’re supposed to have perfect lives. Right?
So for Talitha to open up and share her inability to have a healthy relationship with alcohol is not just gutsy. It’s inspiring. And, in my opinion, it speaks volumes about the type of person she must be.
And her revelation is sure to hit a nerve, since binge drinking amongst women is on the rise – both in Australia and overseas.
In Australia, Dr Professor Ross Fitzgerald co-author of the book Under the Influence claims that binge drinking amongst young women has increased 200% between 2000 and 2009.
New research from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in the US, revealed that about one in eight women and one in five high school girls binge drink – most doing so three times per month.
In Scotland the government has attempted to address the problem of binge drinking amongst women with a new app. Women are asked to take a photo of themselves, list how much they drink and the app will show how her appearance will deteriorate over a number of years. How sad that it’s vanity (rather than short and long term health risks) that makes many of us stop and think about our actions.
The reason for the increase in women’s drinking is unclear — experts in the area cite everything from self-medication and stress relief to just the lure of those heavily targeted girly fun drinks. The ones that taste like, you know, cordial.
It matters little. The point is more females are relying on alcohol to get through.
So Talitha Cummins, I don’t know you but you’ve won my respect and admiration. Here’s hoping you inspire a few more of us to sober up.
What’s your relationship wtih alcohol like? Do you drink more than you used to? Are you comfortable with how much you alcohol you drink?
Warning signs you may have a problem with alcohol
- having blackouts
- you drink when you’re alone
- you’re keeping secrets from friends and family
- you have an increased tolerance to alcohol and drugs
- you’re regularly engaging in binge drinking
Some of the signs of alcohol dependence include:
- Worrying about when you’ll be able to have your next drink
- suffering from withdrawal symptoms like sweating, nausea or insomnia as a result of not drinking alcohol
- needing to drink more and more alcohol to get drunk
- drinking alcohol, or desiring to drink alcohol, when you wake up in the morning
- consuming alcohol regularly on your own, or trying to hide your alcohol consumption from those around you
- relationships with friends or family are being effected by your drinking
Taken from www.reachout.com
If you think you may have a problem with alcohol, you can call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or log on to Hello Sunday Morning and join their online quit program.
Comments
107 Comments so far
I find it quite ironic that I read this article with a wine glass in my hand. Alone.
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My wife of 26 years was and is a binge drinker. I tried everything to get her to stop, but every time I brought it up, I was attacked. I finally accepted that I could not put up with the drinking and abuse any longer and left. I have not been happier and she continues to drink herself into a stupor every night. Accordingly, I am the worst person in the world…
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My wife is an alcoholic I do not know what to do she gets help yet she still drinks and justify’s everything she does.
I am not perfect she she attacks me and does so inffront of the kids.
Of alcohol she is a wonderful person her beuty is equall to few in the world.
We have 3 beutiful kids I have been with for fouteen yeards ranging from 2 weeks of eighteen 16 and my daughter who is eight. They are all wonderful human beings.
My wife has had the polics around here for the last three days saying that I am abusive.
I am trying to stop her from drinking no easy feat when You have just had a full knee reconstruction.
I have never hit her I can’t say the same for her.
I cannot go on like this. Its killing me her and our kids.
I hate that she is allowed to drink as much as she wants unless she needs medical attention the poilice said today and their is nothing I can do about it.
This world is so wrong…..
Although the police have been helpful and I appreciate their efforts.
Regards.
G.
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For my own reasons I have spent many hours scouring the net to work out how to tell if someone is an alcoholic. The best test that I found was this:
If they know that their drinking is effecting either their job, their health or their relationship and they continue to do it anyway then they’re an alcoholic. Sad part for me was that for the person I was wanting confirmation on it’s all three and he still won’t get help.
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Most people would be surprised how little alcohol is required, if taken daily, to be medically considered an alcoholic.
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I really admire Talitha. I hope she gets the help that she needs and overcomes her demons. She is setting a fine example for other young women and I hope she knows that she is not alone with battling this problem. I don’t know what the answer is, but we as a nation need to take a look at our unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
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I grew up with an alcoholic. I’m 20 and I don’t touch the stuff. Yes, it’s hard in group situations when all my friends drink and I can’t/won’t explain why I don’t but I won’t touch it. It’s poison and it’s the worst drug in our society.
I love being in control of my life, as a child i did not have that, so I will never drink.
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I haven’t drunk alcohol since I started fertility treatment and had my son. i still dont drink alcohol because i no longer like the way it makes me feel. i am amazed at people’s reaction when I say that I don’t drink. It really has become quite awkward in social situations and I am constantly having to justify my decision not to drink. Even close friends and family still question me. Alcohol is a problem that this country needs to address.
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I don’t drink alcohol but am constantly harangued about the “evils” of Coke! I don’t like talking about why I don’t drink but sometimes I’m forced to just to shut people up. They’re usually the drunk ones.
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If you’re dependent on anything, be it alcohol, coke, food or whatever then it’s a problem. Just because one is more socially acceptable than the other doesn’t make it better. Don’t smugly pat yourself on the back too soon.
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Yes yes yes! To all of this. I don’t drink I don’t really have a reason I guess I just stopped drinking once I moved to the city and didn’t have as many friends then I started working weekends and now when I drink I’m drunk after just one. I just don’t see the appeal. People always try to get me to drink, they love to say “just one won’t hurt” or they always ask why I don’t drink and when I say I just don’t they try to force it thinking there’s a big secret to my reasoning. It really frustrates me. Why question someone’s choices when they aren’t affecting anyone else? Rant over
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I’ve never drunk as much in my life as I have in the past six months. Between a Contiki tour where it was rare for a day to go by without alcohol and coming home and having a more active social life, I’ve been hungover way too many times for my liking lately. This year I’m going to try to be more responsible – four or five beers instead of ten more potent drinks, etc.
Previously I would often buy a bottle of wine at the end of the week and consume it over a few nights to wind down. I try to avoid doing that now because of my increased consumption at other times. But if I happened to be stuck at home most weekends I probably would get into that habit again. I guess for me it’s about balance. I do like a drink to wind down but it’s best to stay on top of consumption before it becomes a problem.
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I am 22 and my sister is 20, we are at ages where pretty much everyone drinks and a lot of people drink to get drunk. My sister is at one of the colleges at Sydney uni (I’m starting there this year) and there is such a huge drinking culture there, I think it’s a problem. People passing out in random spots, getting stomachs pumped, and one of my sisters friends had to get carried out on a DOOR from one of the uni bars. My sisters tolerance for alcohol has gone up so much since college.
Alcoholism/addiction also runs in our family. My grandfather was an alcoholic, but he was never drunk, he just had a dependence on alcohol and needed it to get through the day apparently (he died before I was born). However he got sober and started an AA group in mudgee where they lived.
I’m a bit worried this could become me, because once I start drinking I sometimes find it hard to stop.
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Good on ya, Talitha!
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Why would drinking alone be a sign you have a drinking problem? Find that odd. What if you’re single or live alone – does that mean you can’t drink?
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Hi Oceans
I think what they mean is people who regularly get drunk alone. So if you routinely sit up alone at home drinking a few bottles of wine (or whatever) — that’s what they mean.
Not just people who live alone and who may have a couple of glasses of wine.
I hope that makes sense!
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Or people who prefer to drink alone than to drink in front of people…. My Mum who died in 2008 was an alcoholic andante drank alone, never in front of us kids – but we knew when she was on it, the worlds worst kept secret but she hardly ever indulged in front of others. Her disease as alcoholism is (I’m in AlAnon now) was hers and hers alone.
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Yes, thank you. I come from a family of non-drinkers, but I do enjoy a wine few times a week (one glass).. alone!
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I was married to an alcoholic for around 8 years and made the difficult (but right) decision to leave him about 5 years ago when his drinking started to escalate to violence. Throughout that difficult time I spend a lot of time with AL-ANON groups and attending AA groups (they welcome people who are indirectly affected by alcohol abuse and you can attend any AA meeting as an observer). I feel that many of the people commenting on this story misunderstand alcoholism. It is actually NOT about how much or how often you drink or whether you drink alone or with others. You are an alcoholic if your PRIMARY RELATIONSHIP in life is with alcohol. My ex-husband would not entertain the idea of not drinking in order to save his marriage (and this was a man who was regularly polishing off 3 bottles of wine in one evening and then flying into a fit of rage when I tried to stop him from opening a 4th bottle). It became very clear he valued his relationship with alcohol above his marriage – so I left. In his particular case, we was self-medicating with alcohol as a way to escape from his own demons – in including his childhood memories of his own alcoholic father being violent towards his mother and family. AL-ANON is a fantastic organisation and I would not have had the strength to “let go” and move on with my life without the support of that group. If you are trying to stop someone else from drinking you REALLY REALLY need to go to one of their meetings. http://www.al-anon.org/australia/
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I am not quite understanding that part either. I don’t have the option of having a drinking partner!! So if I want some wine on a Friday night and I happen to be alone (kids sleeping) does that mean I have a problem? I am not being facetious I really want to know, does this constitute a problem? Are we only suppose to ‘enjoy’ a drink when it has a meaning i.e. a celebration?
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I think the odd Friday night wines here & there is one thing but the difference is in needing to drink those wines to the point where it becomes more regular & your alcohol tolerance becomes higher & higher. In my family no-one acknowledged that my dad was an alcoholic until we were in our early twenties. He had a few beers every night & then a few ports after that. We actually used to say, my dad’s not an alcoholic but he has a few beers & some port most nights.’ that level of drinking is alcoholism. And that’s when it’s a problem, when the whole family is complicit in the charade that someone has a problem with alcohol. Hope that helps explain it a bit better.
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Amazing story and amazing responses. Good luck to all those starting out on their journey of sobriety. I wish you success and good health!
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It is really socially acceptable in my circle of friends to drink a lot. I believe I have a slight problem with alcohol but it’s characterised by specific traits, not always listed.
I don’t get anxious about my next drink and I frequently go several nights without a drink.
I can go to social functions and not drink if I need to drive.
I can have a glass or two and stop.
However probably once a month, I have a hangover and feel guilty and anxious because I’ve overdone it the night before. I might have had up to 10 drinks (always wine) and know I will have felt quite drunk the night before.
My New Year’s resolution has been to quit the hangovers- which means the monthly binge sessions.
It’s going to be tough though because all of my friends, my family and my partner have a high tolerance for alcohol meaning we go through several bottles of wine together. They would laugh affectionately at me saying I have an alcohol problem. It’s always great fun, merry and safe but I know it’s not healthy.
Do others have similar relationships to alcohol?
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Yes. I drink in a similar way to you and my friends and family all have very high tolerance to alcohol and it is easy to get carried away. I don’t like the way I become opinionated and argumentative and obnoxiously loud when I drink a lot even though I am able to restrain myself from drinking in the same way you do when necessary. I don’t like the hangovers and the feelings of anxiety it creates either.
Sadly I have decided I need a new bunch of friends as I think their behavior is getting out of control and while it was fun when we were at uni, now that we are all around 30 it is starting to look really quite tragic. At a friends birthday last weekend the birthday girl had to leave early after drinking too much all day, go home and sleep it off for a few hours before returning to keep drinking more later in the evening!
I want to meet someone and have a family and I don’t think that I am going to meet that person if my social life continues to involve this.
Not sure how I will deal with my family though….
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It’s horrible when you lose your verbal inhibitions when drunk. I’ve done that before.
Do you really need a whole new social group? Are they good friends in other ways? What’s tragic about the behaviour?
I think it’s a good test to put your addiction through, seeing if you can reign it in, even when in the same situations. Otherwise it lies dormant…
Best of luck!
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All these comments are really highlighting how spread out alchol abuse(?) is and the things people have been through and conquered .. I myself on one level are guilty I guess eg when younger doing the weekend binge drinking thing.
In my family there are 2 alcoholics – I guess you would call them functioning – it’s sad as if you get a phone call from them at certain times you know not to answer it. Horrible I know but the anguish you’ll go through during and after that call depending on the mood of that person while drunk again is just not worth it anymore.
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WOW Talitha!!!!!!!! I have often watched and been inspired by you! I’ve always liked you as a reporter, but I have so much respect for you as a person I cannot begin to convey this. Your journey is amazing!! Keep going! I KNOW the kind of courage this takes – 2nd hand, as I grew up with an alcoholic so I get it. You are amazing, never think for a moment that you have failed!!! KEEP GOING TALITHA!!!! And congratulations on your very courageous decision!!!
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It was probably 8 or 9 years ago, in the early early hours of the morning in a well known and seedy Brisbane nightclub, and I spotted Talitha on the dance floor. It was probably liquid courage on my behalf that I decided to go up to Talitha and interrupt her and her friends, and tell how how amazing I thought she was. She was relatively new on the TV screens (as I can remember) and all I wanted to do was tell her then how much I admired her.
Take that feeling from an over-enthusiastic 19 year old and multiple it by a million – and that’s how much respect I have for her now.
Too often is it considered common-place or appropriate, or even the expected thing to do, to get ‘totally wasted’ on night out, and then spend your Sunday morning (or afternoon) trying to piece the previous night together in your memory.
I think Talitha has done a really positive thing in shedding light not only on those who would be considered alcoholics, but the ‘average’ women who drink to absolute excess on a Saturday night.
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Talitha. courageous! xx
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Thank you Talitha and thank you Bec. I read this just this morning and I could have written it myself! I have been struggling with alcohol for many years and I have fallen off and gotten back on the horse so many times. I straight away went to the Hello Sunday Morning website, had a bit of a read and signed up. Feel like I have taken such a pro active step. I’m actually excited about the (tough) journey I have ahead of me. This article could not have come at a better time for me, it was almost like fate!
Thank you again.
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Talitha, thank you for having the courage to face this head on. Alcoholism is rife in my family and an ingrained part of our culture (interestingly, I’m from a Scottish background). I haven’t been drunk since my mid 20s when I became mindful that it was becoming all to easy and regular for me to drink. I’ve seen first hand the damage that can be done in families through the denial and abuse that comes with alcoholism. The scariest part is how many people manage to wear the mask of functioning with this disease without getting the help and support they need because they don’t identify with the typical stereotypes. You should be proud that you’ve been the starting point to support many others. Sending you strength for the days ahead x
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As a woman of 6 days sobriety up I have a few tales to tell. A lot of relapses, a heap of deception, lies, lies, lies – I am especially good at that one. A husband and 3 children, a beautiful loving Mum and Dad who are trying their hardest to get me well. I look great, Im 36, have a great job in the city, dress well and no one would expect a thing, except if they saw me throwing out 20 empty cans of vodka in a shopping bag from my car or running around in the middle of the night in my pj’s going from bin to bin dumping empty bottles of vodka, or even hiding full ones in the garden so no one could find it.
Being an Alcoholic is one of the most horrible diseases you could have. it grabs you and wont let you o, once you have it you have it forever.
I am now at my strongest. On anti alcohol medication, therapy and exercise. Talitha is doing a wonderful job by destroying the stereotype is the traditional alcoholic and making people realise that it could be anyone but we can het help and when you do get help, how much brighter life becomes.
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Youre honesty is really touching Katherine.
I don’t want to sound bloody patronising but your courage to get back up and try again after relapsing is inspiring to me (& I don’t drink!)
As for Talitha, what a ballsy woman. I can’t imagine what kind of guts it takes to not only face your demons, but to then publicly declare them with such openness & honesty is courageous.
Talitha, you’re inspiring to so many, not only those facing difficulty with alcohol.
Thanks Bec!
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My Mum was an alcoholic for her whole adult life, but the issue was never formally dealt with. She couldn’t look after my brother and I properly and lost custody of us. My brother is now an alcoholic too, but I don’t touch it. She passed away 2 years ago from alcohol related health problems aged 51. Her whole life was a tragic battle with the bottle.This is a big problem with women in this country. Many people can have issues with alcohol and from the outside you might not even know. Not all alcoholics are old men who sit in the pub day after day. my Mum used to say she wasn’t an alcoholic because she didn’t drink spirits, only white wine! I commend Talitha for her bravery in speaking out. I hope she has the strength and support to keep going. This is the best thing I’ve read this week
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It’s great to see MM shining a light on this issue as I see heavy drinking amongst women becoming increasingly pervasive, and increasingly socially acceptable. It shocks me how much some people drink, and how normalised it is becoming – a quick look on Facebook tells me so.
Just because a lot of people use alcohol (or chocolate, for that matter) as a crutch, doesn’t mean it is ok. Everyone needs to find a healthy coping mechanism, and talking about it is a good start.
Well done to Talitha for being able to come out and talk about her struggle. That is hard for anyone, let alone someone in the public eye.
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My mum gave up drinking when I was five years old after it ruined her marriage and she knew she was out of control. She has been sober for 30 years now. She still attends meetings and works “the program”. She says it was the hardest thing she’s ever done but I’m so proud of her. She is absolutely my hero and gave me the best gift a parent could give in her sobriety.
Congratulations talitha and what a strong woman you are
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Good on you Talitha – you are a strong and courageous woman who will inspire many with your actions!
As Bec said, whether it’s food, alcohol, shopping or anything else, it’s all the same principle. EVERYONE has the strength within them, we just need to search deep down and pull it to the surface!
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Dear Rebecca
Thank you for your very positive and helpful story on my journey – and thank you for instigating more talk around the issue of alcoholism. I hope the conversation continues and helps others to recognise similarities – and then take action.
To everyone who posted encouraging comments, thank you, thank you so much. You give me courage to keep moving forward. x
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Don’t you thank ME. I think you’re a bloody legend.
And we’re all cheering you on!
Already you’ve inspired several Mamamia readers to follow your lead. Your admission is changing lives.
xxxxxxx
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Really impressed by your courage and dedication to recovery, Talitha. I wish the people I love who are caught in the alcohol trap could get to your position of honesty and resolve.
It can be a lifelong mission, but it gets easier and it’s so worth it. Stay strong, lots of people are cheering you on.
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Talitha congratulations on admitting the issue and addressing the problem
Great role model for young women
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Absolute legend. I struggled to admit it to my family – let alone the public. It is a tough bitch of a thing to shake – and unfortunately you never know if you are going to be susceptible to alcoholism until you are right in the middle of it. Absolute and utter respect. 4 months is forever in this world. I hope you have lots of family and friends supporting you and that you reward yourself often. Your courage is inspiring.
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Speechless…Wow…You go girl!!!!
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It takes courage to be honest, and even more to be honest with yourself. You’re a hell of a woman xx
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I think the rise that we are seeing is due partly to the increase in drinking culture. Once upon a time, you had the choice of about a dozen beers, wine and spirits ( and really only the main brands). Now, we have Dan Murphy’s filled with hundreds of choices – not that I’m blaming the retailers, but it shows a shift in our culture.
I think we are also seeing a rise in women drinking becuase we are seeing a rise in the money women have to spend. My Dad worked as a union rep for a mill in the 70s/80s, and the mill approached the union to get their support to change from cash payments to electronic payments. Many of the workers were dead against it (it did get through eventually) because they weren’t telling their wives what they earnt. Most of them drank their overtime payments at the pub on the way home on pay day, and their wives only saw the remainder – which, of course, was to buy food, clothes and necessities, not for her to leave her kids with her husband to go to the pub with her friends in the one car that each family had.
For what it’s worth, I tell my young friends that they should never equate “fun” with “drunk”. You do not need to drink to have fun – if you drink, drink because you like it. I hate hearing people plan at the beginning of a night to write themselves off.
I had someone who worked at a liquor store tell me that a lot of young people come in and buy an entire bottle of scotch or rum to drink for the night – and they buy one each (because the “lolly” drinks are so expensive). If they do this every weekend, where does the money come from? I’m not even counting the cost of cabs, getting in to clubs etc. I would never have been able to buy a house if I did that.
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Ok…I m in..I have just signed up to hello sunday morning, after feeling really under the spot light reading this article. Im a fully functioning professional with a drinking problem.
“I drank to celebrate, I drank to commiserate, I drank because I had a busy day, a boring day, a holiday. For years, drinking was my hobby.”
yep, that was the wake up line…
Im not a rowdy drunk, Im actually funny, and I dont drink that much when Im out, but I drink everyday and too much when im at home…because I can- Im not going anywhere, no one is coming to visit…..and it fills in the time with a buzz….
But its is increasing , and its everyday, and my tolerance is way higher than it used to be. For the first time I can see where this is going……
Thanks Talitha, thanks Mamamia
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That is so great, Anon Today!!!!
I bet if Talitha reads your comment she will be so incredibly pleased!
xxxx
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I came back to read other posts..
and thanks to those and Bec for your support .I feel really humbled.
And its not about me, it was about Talitha..
So happy to be on her coat tails…..
But its a lifestyle Im trying to change not a random whim….
not easy
I have loved reading the posts here… particularly those in a similar lifestyle rut….
together, with solidarity and understanding , we might make positive changes.
thankyou everyone.
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Most people would ‘picture’ an alcoholic as an old man laying in the gutter not a gorgeous young woman like Talitha. She is gutsy and has given me food for thought next time I reach for the wine bottle.
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I think that’s the beauty of what Talitha has done – confronted the myth that alcoholics are old men or dole bludgers and brought to the fore what you’d define as a “functional alcoholic”. I know I have a problem, so does my partner, but to anyone outside looking in, it’s not noticeable. I hold down a full time job, exercise, volunteer……it’s a relief (and encouraging) for others like me to realise that there are many out there going through similar experiences. Not feeling so isolated because of that makes a huge difference in how I feel about myself and my problem, and much more confident about addressing it.
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Look at this woman. Bloody brilliant. To admit something like that is incredibly brave. Talitha, know that not only have you helped yourself, but you’re helping many others (particularly women) and you should be so proud.
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So brave. Well done Talitha.
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My relationship with alcohol is entirely coloured by the stage of life that I’m at. I barely drink alcohol at all now. I probably had maybe six alcoholic beverages all of last year. This is largely because I am a mother who had an alcoholic parent. I refuse to replicate the home environment I grew up in for my daughter. This is in everyone’s best interests.
As a younger person, I definitely did the binge-drinking as a teenager. Alcohol was normalised in our house like many Australian households. I grew up with the weekly job of stacking the fridge with dad’s beer. At 21, I began working in hospitality & the irony of stacking the restaurant’s drinks fridge didn’t escape me. I’d been trained in this job for years! Shift the cold beers to the front, pop the warm ones at the back, no-brainer. I did all the after-hours socialising & drinking that people do in hospitality. I enjoyed it immensely for a few years & it supported me finishing my degree. But in the end it felt like a big dysfunctional family, not unlike the smaller dysfunctional family that i was born into.
I still like a glass of wine with a meal & I can monster a nice cold beer on a hot day but nine times out of ten, I don’t. Because for me, I’d rather be a present parent who isn’t inconsistent or scary in my moods like my dad was.
I also know that I tend to have an addictive personality & this can be hereditary. My sister has long been a heavy drinker like our father. She has also had problems with other drugs. My dad himself self-medicated his depression with alcohol. My father stopped drinking after my parents split up but began again. His second wife ended up with a substantial drinking problem & he found himself on the other side of an alcoholic marriage. In the end he died of secondary cancers, liver & lung, yes, he drank & smoke for most of his life.
I applaud anyone who has a problem & addresses it. I really think people should try to address addictions before they start a family because the children always suffer in families where alcohol (or other) addictions are king.
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My husband and I don’t drink either… we don’t even keep alcohol in the house unless someone is coming over for dinner or something and then we might buy a bottle or two of wine. His dad is an alcoholic which is why he doesn’t like to drink and I’m not interested in it either. Sure we’ve both gone wild a couple of times when out with friends but it happens so rarely!
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We’re exactly the same. My husband doesn’t like to drink either. He hates being hungover & his liver is compromised from having chronic fatigue in his uni days. The only alcohol in the house are bottles of wine that he’s won as prizes or been given through work. Some of these bottles are up to eight years old. I don’t like to parent hungover nor tipsy. These days it takes so little to make me tipsy that it means I just don’t drink at home.
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I can relate so much to your comment and I’ve made the same commitment now that I am a Mother. Good luck to you xox
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Wow hellopetal – I read your comment and wanted to cry. You are my kids in 20-odd years time. “Inconsistent and scary” “self-medicating his depression” – I’m so close to breaking point and don’t think I can live with his drinking much longer. I’ve always comforted myself with the fact that he’s not abusive but I’m starting to realise that isn’t enough. The mood swings, the stumbling, the random snapping at the kids – I’m pretty much over it. So HARD though because when he’s not drinking he’s the best dad in te world and despite it all he’s the centre of our kids’ worlds. I feel like I’m stuck between a rock ad a hard place.
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Oh Katie, I really feel for you. Ultimately what you do in your family life is your decision. It took my mum a long time to leave. She was raised that you simply don’t divorce but after years of emotional & psychological abuse she sought separation & then divorce from my dad. It was less scary living with mum in a smaller house than it was having the big house, two cars, two tvs etc that we had as a family. When I saw my dad he would visit me & it would invariably end in a shouting at my mum because we weren’t coming back. His visits were never about me & I never felt real love from him.
My dad died a a year & a half ago. I had been out of contact with him for about eight years. I spoke to him daily when he was in palliative care but I made the decision not to go & see him before he died. He knew I’d made this decision too but it was the best I could do for my own family which had to take precedence for me. In one conversation he asked if he had seemed angry to me as a child. I replied that I was very scared of him most of the time. He apologized for that & told me why he’d been so angry. The reason had nothing to do with me but children don’t know that, they only pick up on the emotion & they fill in the blanks with the rest.
My sister & I are damaged adults. We have had some horrendous experiences in our lives. We both had PND with our first & only kids. There has been rape, domestic violence, mental health issues, drug problems. Not all of these things are directly attributable to our upbringing but the emotional/psychological pattern of childhood & how you take that into adulthood affects your ongoing relationships. It can take a long time to unravel & undo & work out how to be strong & true to yourself.
I am guessing that it is harder to be the partner because you love them & in the good times you will excuse them anything because you love them. My mum was brave. Mind you she is now in another co-dependent relationship & has been for over twenty years but that ‘s obviously her stuff from her own upbringing & personality.
I’m happily married. We have a beautiful daughter & I still have to watch my moods with her. Because the legacy of how you are parented can come up when you are stressed & you unconsciously fall back on what you know, not on what you want to do better. I have to be aware of myself & be the better person that I know I can be.
I wish you all the strength & luck in the world, Katie.
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Thanks Talitha – I think a lot of us will hear your story and see ourselves in some degree. I recently had the realisation that I drink far too much far too often and am on my first week of being mindful. A wine or 2 with dinner, OK, anymore than that and I’m asking myself WHY ? Drinking has been my hobby too, and it has to stop.
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As an alcoholic myself (6 nights sober so far this time – and I’ve dropped a kilo already since stoppping!) I can assure you that girly lolly drinks are not the cause of alcoholism, the suggestion that any alcoholic would drink those is totally naive. Personally I think the cause of the increase in female binge drinkers correlated to the continual increased pressure that women are under. Work, families, having it all. Its pressure that wasn’t around 30 years ago. All the great things that feminism has done, has also created a few problems, but these aren’t problems that can’t be addressed.
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At least two of my grandparents were alcoholics. Many of my grandmothers’ friends, who would now be in their 80s were alcoholics. They had different types of stress and there were fewer resources if you wanted to stop.
It might be on the rise but it was definitely a problem pre feminism
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My grandmother turns 90 this year and it’s been well known in my family my whole life (I’m in my 30s) not to call her house for a chat after 4pm.
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As someone mentioned this is indeed is very serendipitous for me too (the the second time this week).
I am actually hungover right now (AGAIN! Worst part is that I didn’t even go out last night!)…and I also have a bout of the guilts. However, Talitha’s ‘coming out’ makes me feel less shameful and far more hopeful.
I commend Talitha for having the courage to help to strip away the taboo of alcoholism and to show that it’s not all paper bags and wine casks – that seemingly functioning, regular (and indeed aspirational) people let alcohol get the better of them too.
I have registered to Hello Sunday Mornings, but alas am not quite ready to start just yet (I have a holiday and several social events in the next month, and don’t want to explain to everyone that “no, I’m not pregnant, just trying out sobriety”…also I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I need to get sozzled to interact socially). I am, however, very looking forward to taking the plunge in four weeks.
Thanks again Talitha and good luck to everyone else out there battling the same struggle.
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Talk about serendipity – I have spent the past week looking up info and programs to stop drinking after finally acknowledging I have a problem, and deciding that I want to address it and change, then up pops this story
I’ve already signed up to HSM and as of right now, am beginning my own journey of sobriety xx Thank you Talitha for being brave enough to speak out – know that your words have helped xx
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Good on you!!!!
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This has been my week for facing the truth too. My husband confronted me about my alcoholism and I’ve made an appointment with a doctor that deals with drug and alcohol addiction. Very nervous about the journey ahead. Best wishes to you!
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WOW – I’m so proud of Talitha !! The best is yet to come, darling.
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I am in awe of people like Talitha Cummins who stand up and admit that they have a problem and take responsibility for their actions. Not only is she helping herself it may help others by telling her story, who are in the same situation.
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Congratulations Talitha on your four months of sobriety. You should be proud of yourself. It is not easy, One day at a time for me, but so worth it.
I am 1 year 3 months and 22 days clean from a meth / speed addiction that almost killed me. Living life where everyday you are filled with self loathing, self hatred, embarrassment and guilt, is not a way to live. I have never felt so healthy and so proud.
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That’s so amazing. What a strong woman you must be xx
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Shout it from the rooftops, you should feel incredibly proud. What courage you have shown, good on you
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I absolutely commend Talitha for facing what was not working for her & doing something about it, and not being ashamed to say she has.
We are a culture of drinking. I find that what is equally awful to see as well as gorgeous young girls taking getting smashed new heights, is when ‘women of a certain age’ are also very obviously drunk & disorderly.
Having reached my 40′s I am very conscious of it, as there is something really genuinely sad in my eyes if we need to get to that point at this life stage – as we don’t have the excuse of ‘young & irresponsible not worried about the consequences’ any longer.
I love my wine, and I am also careful about how often & how much I drink. I find when I go through difficult life challenges, I quite drinking altogether, as I never want alcohol to be something that supports me in unhappy times.
Interestingly, on that list of ‘you may have a problem with alcohol’, the only one I ticked was ‘drinking alone’, and if sitting down to my favourite meal of grilled salmon & a colourful fresh salad with a yummy balsamic & olive oil dressing accompanied by a couple of glasses of my favourite oak aged chardonnay, means I have a problem, it’s a problem I am happy to have.
My ‘addiction’ veers more towards scrummy dark chocolate, which is an integral part of these ‘date nights’ I enjoy having with myself, ideally at least once a week (yes I burn candles, have mood music & watch a DVD & I am beyond loving every moment of it!
).
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I work in the entertainment industry and I like getting drunk. I like seeing my friends get drunk. Jeez – how bloody boring & mean would one have to be to judge ‘women of certain age’ who get drunk.
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I can’t stand it when people who drink excessively judge OTHERS who don’t drink / drink very little. Being sensible and not drinking excessively like the rest of the population does not make one boring! It is not for everyone.
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It does make them annoying when they make holier than thou comments about it, though.
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I agree, Hmmm.
When I was 17, a friend was killed by a drunk driver. After that, I was so paranoid about it that I never drank so that I could drive myself and friends to clubs etc safely. I actually found that I had a BETTER night out than those who were drinking, because I could absorb the atmosphere, hold conversations… and then of course remember it the next day
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I must be doubly mean & boring then – because I judge both women *and* men ‘of a certain age’ who get drunk. There’s a time for that kind of thing & it’s called your youth.
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Yes. Your youth is where you have fun, take risks, let loose, dance until 3am and then it is to be shut in a box marked “when I was wild and spontaneous”, put under the bed so you can settle down to stare down the rest of your life in sobriety.
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People can’t have fun or dance until 3 a.m. unless alcohol is involved? Interesting.
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Gold.
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I used to feel exactly the same way. Loved drinking. Loved my friends drinking. To be honest I was drunk a few nights a week. And now I am with the judgy lady above
One day I looked around and was embarrassed routinely about the things I did when drunk. The messes we found ourselves in and the near misses.
I realised that not embarrassing myself whilst drunk and having to face the ‘do you know what you did last night’ stories sat much better with me.
So yes, I too judge those who drink, and wish they could look at themselves in the mirror and realise that life is much better when you don’t have the drama attached that drinking brings and the hangovers are gone.
Best of luck with your drinking lifestyle and know one day you will wish you had backed off a little.
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If you were regularly embarrassing yourself whilst drunk then it’s probably wise for you to have stopped and I commend you for it.
Don’t assume that everyone else loses control, gets into dangerous situations or does embarrassing stuff when they’re drunk though.
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drinking alone means drinking to excess alone, not having a glass of wine with a meal. Most people know this and most people know an alcoholic doesn’t just drink one glass of wine at dinner. Trivializing a serious life threatening addiction, with a “Its a problem I’m happy to have”, is offensive in my opinion.
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Well bloody said.
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Lol what does age have to do with it. Or gender.
Falling down drunk is a bad look on all ages and sexes, not just middle aged women.
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I don’t think I understand your comment at the part where you put an age-stop on when you can get drunk.
Getting drunk does not have to mean out of control or making bad choices. Plenty (most?) people are capable of having a night out, getting drunk & going home.
How is 40-ish the cut off for this? I know plenty of women in the 35-60 age bracket that are capable of having the odd if not regular night out where they may get to the point of drunk yet not wreckless. Some of these women are the party girls they always were, some are recent divorcees getting back out & happen to have a night where alcohol is involved and the others are just people that don’t allow age to define what they should and shouldn’t be doing.
Maybe you’re referring to more ‘blackout’ drunk – but that should be applied to all ages anyway.
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Ooooooh! Red Rock Deli Lime and Black Pepper Potato Chips…….chippies!!!
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They are my heroin.
Seriously.
I could eat them all day!!!!!!
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Sour Cream & Chives Grain Waves. In one sitting.
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+1 on Grain Waves. So good.
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please don’t make a joke out of serious drug addictions,
Ike heroin addictions. Have you ever stolen money or pawned your mothers ring to get your chips. I didn’t think so. There is a BIG difference between wanting chips and being addicted to heroin or other drugs. I know.
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Oh please. I think the great majority of people are well aware of the devestating effects of addiction, especially addiction to hard drugs. But does that mean we alao have to be so PC, so serious about everything that someone cannot even make an offhand joke? Having been a regular reader of Bec’s posts im quite sure she would never intend any offence or to undermine the seriousness of the issue of addiction. Surely there is a time and a place for light banter and a time and place for serious discussion and debate.
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“surely there is a time and place for light banter and a time and place for serious discussion and debate”. Exactly.
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I tend to agree – likening things to “my heroin” or “my drug” etc is probably not a great analogy.
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Rich people have addictions too, not just poor ones. Addiction does not necessarily equate to stealing.
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Yes, rich people and poor people can have addictions and I know addiction doesn’t equate to stealing. But I was showing the difference between addictions. One can kill you, instantly, and make you do things you normally wouldn’t do, the other doesn’t.
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Hi Anonymous
I disagree with you.
Food addicts may not ever have to ‘steal money’ (or maybe the do?) but food addiction is very real. Food is my crutch in life. And frankly, I have to work at it every day not to use food to self-medicate.
I could quite easily sit down every night alone and eat 8 lemon meringue pies. I’m not joking. I’m serious.
So when I say that potato chips are like my heroin — yes it was a flippant remark in some regards but I was also serious.
Food addiciton/issues are just as much of a problem in this country as alcohol. We are a nation of overweight people with major health issues which puts a strain on our health system.
So yes, there is a big difference between someone being addicted to heroin and someone eating a bag of potato chips. But I was talking about myself. And let me assure you, I never just want one bag of potato chips. I want 20.
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I have an addiction to food and am a member of Overeaters Anonymous (the food addicts equivalent to Alcoholics Anonmous). It was a very serious problem for me resulting in two suicide attempts and years of depression. Drugs, alcohol and gambling don’t have a monopoly on the tragic consequences of addiction
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I actually posted on FB the other day that I NEEDED these chips. I was craving them. They are my ‘go to bag’ for the cinema etc…I forgot I had some stashed and went without
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you need help , there’s groups . lol.
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Brave girl, You will do this Talitha, I spent 10 years drinking, now its been 7 years sober, And no I dont miss it for a minute, I thought I would, it was such a relief to come clean, you will be so much more alive for doing this. I applaud you and send you all my love, You will never be ALONE again.
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Congratulations Dust and Boots – seven years sober is an amazing achievement!
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Thankyou Shaezy, It was such a lonely life drinking , Im so differant now and like myself so much, it took 40 years to find me ,now at 47 Im one very content soul, To all the beautiful hearts on here You CAN change lives, your words, your thoughts are more support than you know, And to those on here having that ahah moment…baby steps one hour at a time, one step in front of the other, keep getting up and hold your heads high. Thank You Mamamia for bringing this out in the open,.
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Wow. So impressed with how honest and candid Talitha is. So impressed that she also acknowledged she had a problem and bravely took the steps to change. Difficult issues (like excessive drinking) can happen to anybody and sharing hopefully takes away judgement. All the best Talitha.
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What a brave step for Talitha.I think too often we associate and or stereotype people we think are alcoholics.Talitha is a young,attractive,professional woman who you might not think could have this problem but,alcoholism affects a broad demographic of the community.
Excessive drinking is not only bad for your health but makes you vulnerable.Maybe more young women will sit up and take notice after hearing Talitha’s story.
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Congratulations for your incredible bravery Talitha – not only facing your demons but doing so in the public eye.
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