This is the author, Kate. She lost her cousin when a drunk driver drove his car head on into her cousin’s.
By KATE WALTHER
I tend to get prickly when people joke about having a few beers then jumping in the car and driving, avoiding main roads on their way home in the hope of averting the RBT units (Random Breath Testing) they know are out there.
It really irritates me when I hear a traffic report which includes a list of booze buses and speed cameras to steer clear of. I even get annoyed when people tell me they drive 10 kilometres over the speed limit on default – ‘after all, who’s it really hurting?’ they ask.
I get angry about these things because I know the damage it can cause – the utter devastation, helplessness and darkness that these decisions can bring.
Three years ago the lives of my family were changed forever by a drunk driver – when he killed my cousin. The driver was high on meth amphetamines and marijuana and had been drinking as well. He drove for almost 36 hours before falling asleep at the wheel at 7am on a Monday morning and drifted into my cousin’s car head on.
In that moment he destroyed many lives – including my cousin’s partner, her mother, her father and her brothers. The driver’s choices had consequences, most of which had no bearing on him. He made a decision to get high. Then he made a decision to drink alcohol. Then he made a decision to get in a car and drive. And then he decided to keep driving past the point of exhaustion. Ultimately these decisions cost my cousin her life.
My cousin was a 24-year-old, who had recently bought a flat with her boyfriend, landed her dream job in fashion, and had her whole life to look forward to.
The driver got 11 months in jail for taking it all away. Eleven months.
This man put her family through more than a year of court appearances, in each one asking for more time to prepare his case. He jumped bail. He showed absolutely no remorse for his actions, there were almost no consequences for him.
Her family bears the brunt of his actions forever.
And that is why I never touch a drop of alcohol if I need to drive.
I hear you say, ‘Oh, but I would never do that! I’m not a drug addict. I only drink a little bit if I drive…it would never happen to me.” But the point is, you really don’t know how much illicit or mind altering substances, (alcohol included), affect your reflexes and decision making.
And since there is no possible way to ever really know, is it really worth taking the risk? Isn’t the fact that alcohol impairs judgement enough to convince us that we shouldn’t be making a decision to drive after having a few drinks? More importantly, do we really have the right to increase the risk to other drivers and passengers on the road simply in the name of social lubrication?
Please.
My experience with the justice system made it appear to be consequence free.In Hollywood, the good guy catches the killer and he “goes away for a very long time.” We assume that once the police get their guy, (or girl), society at large is safely protected and the antagonist will stay behind bars wearing a stripey jumpsuit.
It isn’t true – there are consequences. Just not always for the bad guys. This needs to change. We deserve more from our justice system. We deserve to hold these individuals to account for their actions. My cousin wasn’t murdered, but her killer was just as guilty as any other. He made conscious decisions, and they had deadly consequences.
In the meantime, my family is slowly putting itself back together. My cousin’s boyfriend has found a way to start moving on, though his young soul is changed forever. Her family remembers her every day, but their lives will always be a little bit darker since her loss. Nothing has returned to normal at the end of the half hour, but life inevitably moves forward with or without their blessing, so for the most part they have found a way to move with it.
My message is this: Next time you aren’t sure, just don’t drive. Because my sincerest hope is that one day these deadly decisions will be taken more seriously in a court of law, and that everyone will know the real consequence of driving while influenced by any substance.
Editor’s note: Laura’s family requested not to have her picture published with the post.
Kate Walther is a business owner, personal trainer, and now a stay at home mum to two cheeky monkeys, who just loves to write. You can usually find her building train tracks, playing fairies or eating chocolate ice cream.
Please share the terribly important message that this post brings and think twice before you have a drink and get behind the wheel.
Comments
33 Comments so far
Culpable driving offences are terrible to be involved with as a lawyer too. I dread the process. It is heartbreaking for all involved. It may seem unlikely but few people convicted of the heinous crime of killing or maiming someone recover fully and very few reoffend. I hope the lawyers and police showed compassion and professionalism to you and your family. I surprise people constantly by refusing any alcohol whatsoever if I am driving. People just do not get it if you drink never ever drive it is not worth the risk of harm to others.
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Hi Kate, I read this post yesterday and then went off to catch up with some girlfriends after work for drinks and dinner. We got through a couple of bottles of wine and at that stage one of the other girls and I both thought we were fine to drive home.
Then I thought of this post.
I rang my husband and he came out and picked up my friend and I. This morning we went back and picked up the cars. It meant I was a little late for work and that was the only consequence.
So Kate thank you so much for sharing your story and being the reason I thought twice. I promise that if I am ever unsure again, I just won’t.
Love to you and your family xx
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Kirsten that just made my day! Thank you!
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Sadly, the people who really need to get this message are still not getting it. Hubby called into the local bottle shop (attached to a “blood and sawdust” pub) mid afternoon the other day, was reversing out of his car spot when wham – busted ass camry comes screaming into the carpark and slams straight into him. Two guys get out of the offending vehicle both so hammered they could barely stand up. The younger of the two was driving and appeared slightly less drunk than the passenger however just stood there grinning manically and refused to say anything. Hubby got licence etc off the passenger who kept slurring away “I don’t care mate – do whatever” before he and the driver went into the pub (presumably to have a skinful more). Unfortunately, hubs had gone out without his mobile so had to hightail it home to ring the cops who basically said “look we can go up there but really, they can say they arrived sober, but have since had a double vodka and don’t plan on driving home.” I had nightmares thinking about what real damage these total idiots could have caused on the road. How do you get through to these people?
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Recently visiting Singapore they have billboards everywhere with a great slogan – Don’t drive to drink & you will never drink & drive!
Such a simple yet true idea!
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My Mum is a first responder in a small community outside a large town where it takes the ambulance about 40 minures to arrive in an emergency.
A few years ago, a fellow first responder arrived at the scene of an emergency, not knowing that it was his own son who had had a few beers at a friends house, driven home and lost control of his car. He died on the side of the road in front of his father.
Please, please don’t drink and drive.
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My husband lost his sister when she was just 17 to a drink driver. She was a pedestrian, walking home. The driver was a woman, drunk as a skunk, who got 11 months for wiping this beautiful girl off the face of the earth. My husband was 14 at the time (he’s now 30) and the damage it caused him, his parents, his grandparents, his entire family and friends STILL hurts today. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t miss this person I’ve never met, wonder what it would be like for our son to have his aunt, to have cousins, or wish that my mother and father in law didn’t have to bear the astronomical pain of having lost a child.
There’s no excuse. If you want to drive, don’t drink. It really is that simple. To make any other choice is to be completely and utterly selfish. You might have got away with it this time, you may get away with it forever. But you might not. Sadly, if you do murder someone in this way you’ll be able to justify it and move on with barely a slap on the wrist but the family of the victim will feel the pain forever.
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I’m the sibling of a man who drunk drove a bunch of friends out one night, crashed his car, killed one passenger and severely disabled another. They were all in their early-mid twenties, had been drinking all day and decided to go to a club. For some reason they chose to drive rather than get a cab and that one decision ruined so many more lives than those just in the car.
My brother was charged with multiple offences and spent almost all of a 7 year sentence in gaol. As much as I love him, even I think that is a small price to pay after what happened to those passengers, their families, friends, their futures.
I never drink and drive, never have, never will. I don’t text, eat, look for CDs, anything. I just drive. I can’t stress how crucial it is to NOT think “it won’t happen to me”. It can, and it does – whether you’re the driver, the passenger, the sibling, the friend. It affects everyone around the victims and the perpetrators. I can’t ever give those two passengers their lives back but I will do my darndest to make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else at my hand.
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Kate, I feel your pain. My cousin was killed by a driver falling asleep at the wheel when she was 19. She had her whole life in front of her and we were the same age. It’s been 14 years since she passed and our lives are still affected by the hole she left in it (no more so that her Mum, Dad and Brother)… But it does get easier, we have let go of the anger toward the culprit (the driver who killed her had been driving for 14 hours straight and speeding excessively) he was charged but didn’t serve any time in jail, his life was ruined by the accident as well. The biggest sadness for me was the goodness that the world has missed, she would have changed the world. R.I.P.
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Kate, this brought me to tears. I have never drunk and driven and have called people who proposed to do so, or boast about it, on it. My uncle died when a drunk driver went through a red light and smashed into the car he and my aunt were in. They were just starting their married life. That driver robbed our whole family of so much and yes, he had previously offended. That was almost 40 years ago and it still resonates through my family. I tell everyone i can, when i feel it appropriate, in the hope it will make them think twice about drinking and driving, and also stiffen their resolve to step in and stop others doing so. Kate i hope your family heals, and your beautiful cousin’s partner finds peace too. Xo
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Kate this is so very sad and the justice system has a lot to answer for. When I was 17 I had 2 drinks then drove home to a very small village that I had never and haven’t since seen a police car. That night I got pulled over outside my parents house amazingly they saw my parents and decided I’d be best dealt with by them. I’ve not had a drink if there’s even the chance of driving since.
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I never drink and drive. I don’t want to be responsible for breaking someone’s heart if anything was to happen. So many people would be affected.
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I understand, a drunk driver killed my dad when I was young, 10, and my mum was left to raise 4 kids by herself! The weird thing is I dont drink at all , never ever and neither do 2 of my sisters. My mother turned to drink and has actually been caught for DUI – twice!!!
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I understand, a drunk driver killed my dad when I was young, 10, and my mum was left to raise 4 kids by herself! The weird thing is I dont drink at all , never ever and neither do 2 of my sisters. My mother turned to drink and has actually been caught for DUI – twice!!!
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Heartbreaking to read this and unbelievable that it still happens. Yet people will continue to drive when drunk, fatigued, texting or even putting lipstick on and drinking coffee while driving. Put your hands on the wheel and bloody concentrate on what your doing.
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I was following a car and the driver was making odd movements with his head and arm. Had the chance to go past him and he was BRUSHING HIS TEETH whilst driving at approx 80kph. I kid you not.
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Heartbreaking to read this and unbelievable that it still happens. Yet people will continue to drive when drunk, fatigued, texting or even putting lipstick on and drinking coffee while driving. Put your hands on the wheel and bloody concentrate on what your doing.
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I’ve never understood those radio announcements about where RBT units and speed cameras are set up. Trying to prevent police from keeping our roads safe should be illegal.
My heart goes out to your family Kate and to all of those who have lost loved ones due to impaired or reckless driving. In my early 20s I would often drive the 3 blocks home from our local after a ‘couple’ of drinks. Until I ended up a curb and in a snowbank and still to this day have no recollection of leaving the pub or how it happened. Luckily I didn’t kill or even injure anyone but if I had, how f’ng pathetic was I that I wouldn’t even be able to remember how I did it? Since then I’ve lived by the motto that if I have enough money to buy drinks, I have enough for a taxi. No exceptions.
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Thanks Beans for that story. It gives me hope!
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I dunno about the other states, but in South Australia the police are required to publish the roads that the speed cameras will be set up on.
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See, that annoys me too. It defeats the purpose. Catching and fining people who speed is the point of these cameras. I have been driving since 1987 and have never had a speeding ticket, simply because I dont speed. If everyone followed the speed limit we wouldnt need speed camera warnings.
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As someone who works in the traffic industry, there is a general rule that the location of RBTs should not be disclosed as well as any speed cameras in school zones. I cannot speak though on behalf of every traffic broadcast in each state.
The purpose of reporting other speed camera locations is to remind motorists that police are in fact out in force monitoring the roads. Usually only a street and suburb is mentioned in order to keep the location general encourage people to check their speed and slow down, which I view as a positive thing. I don’t believe this encourages drivers to behave in a reckless manner or contributes to road traffic accidents.
Kate I am incredibly sorry for your loss. I have witnessed some horrific scenes on the roads over a number of years that will haunt me forever. I can’t begin to imagine the impact tragedies like this have on families, particularly those of young people.
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I never drink when I have to drive. Never.
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What can I say? I abhor drink and drug drivers….
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I completely agree. 20-odd years ago (I can’t believe its been so long!) my grandad was killed crossing the road one afternoon after work. He was at a pedestrian crossing, but the driver who hit him was drunk and speeding, driving an unregistered car on a suspended license. He got off.. Scott free. No consequences for him at all. It nearly tore my dads family apart, and it’s only in the last few years that my uncle (who was only about 15 at the time) has been able to get his life back on track.
It makes my blood boil when people joke about getting away with drink driving, or speeding, laughing at how easy it is to aviod the police.
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Every night when the boys leave the yard (we live on a farm and they start work for the day at our property which we rent from the boss) they drink drive back home to their wives and kids, last week one of the guys was so pissed he forgot his dog!!
I always think about calling the police but it would be so obvious I did it and the RBT was right out the front of our road! I don’t know how else to stop them, every time they leave I think ‘one day’.
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Do It.
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You are in a tough situation, and I know it is something I can’t understand as I have never worked in a male dominated environment like yours. But how will these men feel if they kill someone or seriously injure someone?
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That comment above was me – old habits die hard!
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‘One day’ they’ll kill someone who’s coming up the road to visit you. Or they’ll kill themselves & they’ll never get home to their wives & kids.
It’s easier said than done but if anything happened you’ll never be able to or give yourself. I think you should call someone.
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When I met my husband he and his friends used to drink drive after leaving the golf course and I would consider calling the police. Then one afternoon on the way home from playing at a different course they had a terrible accident coming up a mountain. They were ok but I wished I’d called the police on them before as they easily could have killed someone and almost killed themselves. After some heated words hubby hasn’t driven after drinking since. It’s an awful position to be put in. Damned if you do worried for ever if you don’t. Good luck and I hope they wake up to themselves.
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I was severely damaged by a drunk driver when I was 16. That was 42 years ago. In those days, it wasn’t a crime and he was never charged. I have been paying in the currency of pain ever since. I now live on a disability pension. I was going to play tennis professionally. At 16, when I recovered enough to get on a tennis court again, my heart broke and never mended. No more chasing balls down. I had one leg 2cm shorter than the other, two breaks in my spine and 4 operations couldn’t fix any of it well enough to play again. I lost the thing I loved the most. My life was ruined by a criminal. The bitterness never leaves me. 11 months should have been 11 years no parole and no drivers license for the rest of his life. I cannot express in words what it feels like to suffer your whole life for something which was not your own fault. The person who did this to me died of a heart attack at 40. Sometimes I wonder if divine retribution is a fact of life. I hope so.
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What a terrible thing to happen to a talented young woman. I’m so sorry.
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