Do you remember playing tip at school? Did you play sports like basketball and football? Did you ever give a friend a hi-five?
And could you imagine if that wasn’t allowed?
Get this. A primary school in Victoria has banned its students from touching each other. That means no hugging, no tag, no sports like basketball…. and definitely no catch and kiss.
This from News.com.au:
Mt Martha Primary School in Victoria is refusing to back down over the policy, despite opposition from parents and child psychologists who have called the policy “ridiculous”, “over the top” and “crazy”.
Parents did not get a memo about the policy until told by upset children this week.
But principal Judy Beckworth said the community had overreacted, adding: “I don’t see what we have done as unreasonable.”
Students caught breaking the no-contact policy were taken from the playground and lectured about safety and the risks of rough play. “They are given time to reflect. It’s like a counselling session,” she said.Ms Beckworth was ordered to undergo her own counselling by the Victorian government after threatening to cut the school’s curriculum if parents do not make voluntary payments.
Year 6 students were this week removed from the oval after they protested about the no-touch policy, which ends on Monday, and were given a “dressing down”.
Is that fair enough? Or is it completely ridiculous to stop kids from playing together?
How about this for another school rule… A former chief justice of Australia’s Family Court has suggested making parents of bullies accountable for their child’s actions.
Alastair Nicholson said schools should also be held legally responsible for student bullying, even if it takes place after hours. He said stronger laws could prevent bullying from occurring.
This from The Herald Sun:
Mr Nicholson, one of Australia’s most respected legal figures, believes tougher laws could be crucial in the fight against “insidious and dangerous” bullying.”If there’s one thing that makes people tend to be cautious . . . it’s the fact it might cost them a lot of money,” he said.
“If schools know they have a responsibility outside the gates, and if parents know they perhaps have a responsibility as well, there could well be consequences that would cause them to be a bit more careful about what their kids are doing.”
“A lot of kids tend to take this behaviour as normal, but if they are told and taught that ‘it’s against the law and you could be in trouble’, I think it could have quite a good educative effect.”
He said he did not believe tougher civil laws would lead to more litigation, just more care taken by adults responsible for children’s behaviour.
Do you think banning kids from touching each other will prevent injuries at school? And what about bullying – will making parents and schools responsible make any difference? How have rules changed since you were at school?
Comments
97 Comments so far
Can I ask some questions of MMers who are parents?
– do parents know when their child is a bully?
– do you find that most parents actively try to teach their children not to bully, or do some not recognise it or care? (eg if your kid got bullied and you raised it with the parent only to find that they shrugged it off)
As a non-parent, you would think that no one wants their kid to be a bully, so if they’re aware of their child’s behaviour they’d already try to fix it, even if they’re not going to be ‘legally responsible’. It’s their kid – they’re responsible anyway. So I want to know if parents agree.
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I don’t have kids but I have worked with kids for a number of years and I have found that often the parents of bullies are either in denial and think their child is a perfect little angel. Or they too are bullies and therefore don’t see their child’s behaviour as wrong or inappropriate.
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I am a parent of primary school aged children and don’t think that parents actually know if their child is being a bully. The child is not going to tell them, and teachers cannot see everything, nor do other parents. I don’t agree with “no touch” policy at all, the answer is in giving children the confidence and support to be responsible for their own actions, and teaching this is a lifelong lesson – not just for teachers and parents.
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Mandi and Guest, I agree with you. Or rather, that’s kind of what I expected to hear. How would you know how your child acts away from you at school? And, as you say, people will probably deny or make excuses for their kids – or the parents are who they learned it from anyway!
So to summize:
If you knew your kid was a bully and thought it was unacceptable you’d try to stop it = legal accountability isn’t necessary. If you don’t recognise it or don’t think it’s unacceptable = maybe legal accountability will be useful.
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Very true Mandi! I had an issue with one of my children being bullied last year. I approached the mother, she denied it was happening then proceeded to blame my child. She yelled, became agressive and now doesn’t talk to me.
Not sure how the child can improve their behaviour when the mother promotes bullying.
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Hi Alice, I think it depends upon the type of family. A woman I see regularly was telling me recently her anguish at finding out that her child was causing a lot of problems at kindergarten by ‘emotionally bullying’ other children. i.e. she would pull people in close, be their best friend for a day, then the next day refuse to speak to them, not let them play and ‘best friend’ another child/other children who she would encourage to ostracise the person she had selected to be on the ‘outs’ that day. It wasn’t just a one-off, it was a consistent pattern of behaviour which left the other children hurt and a little shell-shocked.
This mother was distraught and was doing everything she could think of to try to fix the behaviour. Was meeting regularly with kindergarten staff and had apologised to all of the parents for the hurt her daughter had caused. She was saying that it is just as hard to be the parent of the ‘bully’ as the ‘bullied’. Obviously this is not the same for all parents but I can reassure you there are parents out there who care
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Interesting Mooner. Thanks for the post
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I remember being shocked when I left uni and got a ‘real’ job to find that quite often adults behave just like overgrown children. I expected high school politics to be a distant memory when I entered the corporate world but I was wrong. I have observed bullying in the workplace and in playgroups etc. and have come to realise that many adults are bullies! It seems only natural then that many children will learn this sort of behaviour from their parents. I think many of these parents would be completely unaware that they are bullies themselves as the behaviour is all they know – they are very unlikely to recognise it as a problem with their kids.
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One of my daughters was bullied in high school by a friend she had in primary school who had moved on to a different friendship group. The school were made aware but had no effect on the behaviour. It escalated in the school holidays with an abusive phone call in the middle of the night and my daughter confessing to me what had been happening. Thankfully I knew the other parent (not well though), as she was a teacher at the primary school. As it turned out the bullies parents and I all had no idea that it had been happening for months. The girls had been in meetings at school but we hadn’t been told!! The parents of the two main instigators were fantastic with their handling of the situation. Much better than the school and it was dealt with quickly. The girls were grounded and made to apologise both in the phone during the holidays and in person at school. my daughter had handled it all herself until then thinking she was on top of it. After months of it though she was getting upset rather than angry.
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That is ridiculous! Touch is an essential part of human interaction. Think of shaking hands to ‘seal’ a deal or meet someone, a pat on the back to commiserate, a high five to congratulate, a pat on the arm to reassure. I know some people don’t like to be touched but the people around them daily sense/get to know & that person ends up not being touched. There doesn’t need to be a rule/law!
If their aim is to avoid injuries from rough play, make a rule against rough play! Do we outlaw touching children to crack down on child abuse? No! We outlaw child abuse.
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Honestly, I think that making parents accountable for their kids is a good idea within reason.
If a kid is a repeat offender, and their parents are informed of their kids issues and do nothing (or very little), then they should be accountable.
Obviously its a dangerous game making ordinary folks legally accountable for the actions of their spawn, but i think it will put the onus back on the parents. Ideally it will encourage them to sort out bullying behaviours before it hits the hip pocket, and damages another child.
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