BY MIA FREEDMAN I’ve written a number of times about my mother and the way I was raised to be a feminist without even realising it. I feel like I have to justify that word and say “No wait! Don’t go! Keep reading! This isn’t boring!” because it’s not.
Instead of writing about it more, I decided to bring back an old Mamamia tradition and sit down on the floor with my Mum this week and interview her for International Women’s Day. She was absolutely terrified and it took much coaxing. She is very shy and not a fan of the limelight (unlike her show-off daughter).
When I called her yesterday to tell her how great the video turned out and how much the Mamamia team loved it, she said she’d been expecting me to call and say the camera hadn’t recorded properly and the post wasn’t going ahead – a way to spare her feelings because she was so sure it would have been too terrible to use on Mamamia. Not quite. Take a look and leave a comment about your own mum, the women who’ve helped define you as a woman or any aspect of what we discuss…..
1. “I wanted my father’s life not my mother’s”
2. The insane situation with contraception, marriage and divorce in the 60s
3. Why Germaine Greer was SOOOO important.
4. So what was with the hairy armpits?
5. What’s a feminist anyway?
6. How to raise little girls to be strong women.
Who were the major influences on your identity as a woman growing up? And what did they teach you? Do you describe yourself as a feminist? What does the word even mean to you?
Comments
101 Comments so far
What is it vintage erotica? And why all this it is possible to look free of charge?
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Thank you so much Mia and Kathy!
Four decades on from Kathy’s initiation into Feminism and struggles within a society that protected firstly the interests of men in all domains, I feel I am living a parallel life. Not fortunate enough to have had a mother that lead by a good and strong example for her 2 daughters; women and mothers in training, growing up I embraced my own ideas and beliefs on Feminism, who I was and wanted to be and of course the type of man of wanted to share my life with. After also having a child at 18years, I put myself through university as a single mum and am a qualified Psychologist. And here’s the twist. After establishing myself as an independent women able to take care of my own finances, purchase a property, travel the world and raise a son who cooks, cleans and is lovely to his partner, I landed myself in a marriage with a man not unlike my father, just a more passive version, but still a patriarch who thinks not much of women and hence 2 more children later and I getting divorced! Full circle!
I am shocked, surprised and angry with no-one else but myself. I know I obviously have a few more lessons to learn and now need to embrace my situation and go forth with dignity and kindness to myself and others and after all of what Kathy had to say, I felt so much relief and motivation to lead by example for my children and of course my daughter so when they as individuals are navigating their world of relationships, they are whole in the sense of who they are, what imprint they want to leave in their time on this planet and who they bring into their interpersonal space.
Thank you to you both, you are so blessed to have each other.
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What role models you two are.
I can only hope to create that sort of relationship with my future daughter….
Thanks for sharing
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I can see a very strong resemblance between your Mum and Ingrid Bergman.
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I really, really enjoyed watching these videos with Mum and daughter.
I found the topic very interesting and so enjoyed seeing the interaction between these lovely women.
My Mum has told me things about her life during the late 60′s and early 70′s and so I knew she’d enjoy these videos, she did!
She was reminded that not long after she got married in the early 70′s she was pulled into the office at the bank where she was working and told in no uncertain terms that she was taking up the position of a man and when was she going to get pregnant and stay at home also why wasn’t her husband supporting her, didn’t he make enough money!
Amazing to think this was not so long ago. Well done to these women who worked so hard to give us these rights that we so often take for granted.
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Oh my gosh…beautiful! Thanks so much for posting this, and to Kathy for sharing her fascinating story. Loved it. xxx
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Thank you so much for these videos, Mia and Kathy! I loved watching them and felt as if I was right there in the room with you. What you were saying about feminism really resonated with me (as did Caitlin Moran’s book). What an awesome place this site is for women to ‘get together in groups’ and talk about stuff. I love it. Thank you!
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I loved this! Both you and your mother are incredible women!
My mum always worked and had a career out of choice (the career bit not the working bit) an seeing her acheive all the things she has inspired me to reach for things.
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I grew up with my mum being my dads boss at work, and still is today. It’s still interesting seeing people’s faces when I tell them that.
When I was in yr 10 and my sister yr 12, the secret of my mum’ affair with a women we were all friends with came out and she left my dad to be with her.
That was over 10 years ago, and although part of me still aches with the pain it cause my dad, sister and I, not to mention my conservative grandparents….I also am proud of my mum and in awe of her for doing something so against the tide for her in her upbringing and life. It took a lot a guts and I can’t imagine the turmoil she must have gone through. It makes me sad to wonder had she been a lesbian all her life, yet too afraid to follow that path because of society? I don’t doubt that she loved/loves my dad…but I do still wonder.
The happy ending is that my mum and her partner are still happily together and my dad survived, now has a lovely, loving girlfriend…and I have become much closer to them both through dealing with it all.
Mia and Mia’s ma- thank you for sharing your story..I love listening to my grandma and my mum tell me about the “olden days”…it’s makes me realise and appreciate how I lucky I was/am and how appreciative I am of my family.
Cx
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I have only watched the first vid, and need a rest as I miss my own mum so much.
Kathy, thank you for sharing and doing this video with Mia. It is really beautiful and your story is interesting. It really makes me think, and thank the many women of your and my own mum’s generation for being strong and believing in feminism.
Best wishes to you.
xx Jo
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Wonderful to watch, thanks for sharing
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Heartfelt and teary thanks to all of you. I’m blown away by your beautiful comments!
And thank you to my dearest daughter for urging me to ‘chat’ with her.
It feels wonderful to see how what we spoke about resonates with so many of you. I get such a strong feeling that our young girls – and boys – are growing up in safe hands with all of you out there showing them they have power to choose in every sphere of their lives. And urging them to make their voices heard.
Look forward to reading Caitlin Moran. Birthday present hint to Mia!
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No, THANK YOU for overcoming your shyness and sharing
Watching you and Mia together was so beautiful and reminded me about just how special the mother daughter relationship is. Your talk inspired me and highlighted all the wonderful reasons why women (of all generations) should keep the conversation going and learn from each other. I’m currently navigating my way through motherhood and if I can be anywhere near as wonderful a mum as you (and my mum for that matter) are to my little girl I’ll be very content. Thank you x
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I completely loved these videos. Its so interesting to hear stories from the mother of a woman in the public eye that so many of us admire. Oh and if you were nervous, it didn’t show. I would love to see more videos from you!
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I love how you call your mum a ‘hottie’ – it made me laugh as I consider my mum to be so very beautiful, elegant yet filled with so much determination and courage. She has been through the loss of her young child (my brother) when I was a little girl, two divorces (the second from an abusive man who constantly belittled her) to now being such a role model for me.
Happy International Women’s day to you and your Mum, Mia, and thank you for sharing this with us x
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Loved this!
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What a treasure of videos for you mia and your children. I was very inspired both as a Mother, a daughter, a wife, a friend and a women in Australia. Thank you x
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Thanks, Mia & Mia’s Mum!
I watched this with my baby daughter on my lap. (she’s 4 weeks old, so not sure that she took a lot in!). Was particularly interested in the last video about raising little girls to be strong women.
I remember an interview that Madonna did with Oprah, right after her daughter Lourdes was born… Oprah asked her what she would teach her daughter about men. And Madonna answered: “as long as I teach her self-respect, she won’t need to know about Men”.
That has stuck with me ever since.
On a side note, I like how Mia’s Mum (C/Kathy) and Mia’s coffee mug and the couch cushions all matched. Was that deliberate?
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What an awesome quote!
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I feel like jumping through the screen to join in on the hug at the end – such heartwarming videos. They are very inspiring which is obviously a result of the two intelligent, kind and caring women they feature. Thank you Kathy for your honesty in sharing your very interesting experiences, and thank you Mia for introducing your Mum to us.
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I could watch these videos over & over just to hear your mum speak!
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Really enjoyed this thanx Mia .. Your mum is lovely… As r u .. U 2 sure do look like each other !
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My dad. He raised me and my sister to believe we could be and do anything we wanted. I never realised at the time that gender was such a non issue in our house. I really hope I can pass on this attitude to my kids when I have some.
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I haven’t watched all of the videos, only the first one. It seems like you have such a nice relationship with your mother – it’s lovely. I like the way your mother speaks and I look forward to watching all of the videos. She seems so proud of you, Mia, and that must be a wonderful feeling.
My mother has taught me that you have so much strength within yourself to deal with difficult situations.
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Thank you Mia & Mia’s Mum, this was inspirational to watch. My own Mum led by outstanding example on mastering the work life balance and you have really encouraged me to sit down with her for a big chat – with my little Sony video camera – what a lovely keep-sake!
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You look JUST like your mum!
And I totally envy your relationship with her.
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Mia, your Mum has such a beautiful voice …
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She does, doesn’t she? I loved that interview, but found myself constantly thinking that Kathy missed her calling as a hypnotist. Such a soooothing voice.
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Happy International Women’s Day Everyone!! Lovely posts and incredibly inspiring! I am raising an 18-month-old who I believe going to be a super feminist, she’s incredibly feisty and has a big fire in her belly! I hope that one day we can be like Mia and her mum and go and see someone like Caitlin Moran together, that would be amazing. In the words of the brilliant Caitlin: ‘Simply being able to vote isn’t the same as true equality. It’s difficult to see the glass ceiling because it’s made of glass. Virtually invisible. What we need is for more birds to fly above it, and shit all over it, so we can see it properly.’
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What a great quote by Moran.
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I love that quote. She is a genius. Happy IWD. x
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I went to a girls high school in the 90′s and I had many many teachers preaching this feminist ‘crap’ as I liked to call it as a teenager. I never realised how important a roll ,women like my mother and Mia’s mother played in my education and attitude towards what I could accomplish. I feel like I have represented women poorly with my flippant attitude because I felt like it was all too preachy for me. Thank you for making it very clear that I should be proud to be who I am and thankful for all who have been there before me to make it possible.
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Mia, your drinking of tea in these interviews looks and sounds revolting. Sorry, I’m just trying to give you some constructive criticism for any future interviews.
Ps your mum is amazing.
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i would hate to be your child if that is what you call “constructive”
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lol. Slurp!
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I actually disagree – I like the informality of the interview because Mia is drinking tea. It seems comfortable, homely and makes it seem so much more like a conversation between mother and daughter we are privilege to witness, rather than a structured,set up, consciously filmed interview. Slurp away I say
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I loved watching these videos! Such a beautiful, interesting conversation! Both my parents shared taking care of us/working part time until we started school & then they worked full time. My mum still cooked dinner every night and did the majority of the housework while working full time but I saw this as normal and thought mothers who didn’t work were strange. I was always proud that my mum worked and I was never really aware that my sister and I were any different to boys our age in terms of what we could achieve. It was just assumed we would go to uni and that we could be anything we wanted to be.
However, I would say i am much more of a feminist than my mum. I wish my mum was more of a feminist role model, but she doesn’t have that passion and fight for it that I see in your mum. Sometimes I have been really dissapointed and even hurt by her attitude, which is more ‘accept and get on with things’ than ‘stand up and fight for your rights’. I still cannot forgive her for her reaction to my being sexually assaulted as ‘you were so foolish to get yourself into that situation, but you have to lose your virginity sometime I guess, just don’t talk to the boy again and focus on university’. I craved a mum with unconditional love who would stand up and fight for me when something awful like that happened to me !
Still her attitude just makes me more motivated and passionate about women’s rights and there are so many role models in the world for me, some of which are on this website!
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Wow Luce, I am so sorry for what you went through. I hope you got support and sympathy (and counselling) elsewhere…
Hugs. xx
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how ‘strong’ of your mother to open up. it can’t have been easy. i’m a little younger than your mum and grew up reading all the delicious feminist books. including the epiphanous ‘fear of flying’! indelibly stained on my teenage brain at the time. my friends weren’t into feminism. i felt like an outsider. not only was it difficult convincing men of our emancipation but some women struggled with it also.
still, we have come a long way. at least i can get a bank loan for a house these days. a single woman in those days had no chance!
also, i’d like to say a thank you to your mother’s first child for allowing a part of her/his’tory’ to be included.
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That was really really interesting. Definite mother envy!
I have a question for Kathy if she is reading the comments.
Kathy, when you married and took your husband’s name, did you ever consider to leave your name as it was?
I hope you don’t find that too nosey or rude, but I am genuinely interested. My name is a big part of my identity and I can’t imagine changing it to my husband’s. For example, I would hate to receive mail addressed to Mr and Mrs John Smith. I am not Mrs John Smith!
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Sorry have not got time to watch all the vids, but had a little squiz and just wanted to say how wonderful/beautiful/inspiring I think your mum is. I am not a feminist in the sense I don’t want to be labelled as anything in particular. For example the word mother has for too long boxed mothers into a narrow category that suggests they have no other vocation in life.
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Wow, once again, I feel so inspired again! Your mother is amazing n her own way. Only boys in this family but I really want them to grow up looking up to women and espically me! That women can do anything they are equal if not more.
I will say my step grandmother has been a strong influence in my life. She is an amazing women very strong willed, always had an opinion but loved her family. Even my nana, my mums mother – she raised 4 children left her alcoholic husband ( after he held a gun at her head) never did she find another partner. She took the world on alone and she always made me feel. I can do anything!
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Loved the vids Mia!
Your mum sounds exactly like mine in regards to Germaine.
Mum was taught by her at school and has had a soft spot for ever since!
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What a lovely intimate conversation between 2 amazing women. Loved every bit of it. I also loved reading all the positive loving comments below it. Makes a nice, peaceful change.
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I cannot emphasie enough how amazing Kathy is. Her daughter is the proof.
Mia’s Mum is true salt of the earth stuff and as many of you have already noted – they’re scarily alike.
These videos are beautiful.
Thank you for sharing.
I loved them (and you both)
xxxxxx
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These videos really make me miss my own mum, who passed away just last year. I wish she was still her with me and I could chat to her like you can with your mum, Mia. I will always feel ripped off that she never got to meet my children.
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Hey Bryter, my grandfather died before I was born and I know it’s such a sadness for my father that his own dad never got to meet his kids….
I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mum….
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An elegant story, elegantly told.
Also an amazing family archive for Coco and her brothers.
Thank you for trusting your audience with this footage – authentic, intimate and very inspiring.
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Thanks IJ, because yes, mum was really really unsure about opening up her life. I’m used to it!
But she is very private.
I convinced her it was a story worth telling…. Xx
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Really, really love this Mia – thank you to you and your mum! Such an inspirational chat on a day which is still so important to recognise. I have grown up surrounded by women who have viewed feminists as bra-burning hippies who have too much to say. I was very lucky to find a feminist husband and together we do our best to raise two feminist sons. I loved hearing my six year old ask my husband why women get a special day – his response was because men ‘stole’ all the other days of the year, and that’s not fair!
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Thank you for the sharing Mia, I really enjoyed it. I would probably be your mother’s age but was never influenced by Germaine Greer and have never called myself a ‘feminist’ either! However, in my own little way, I have overcome a lot of barriers from being a woman in a Lebanese household to achieve a university degree in my forties, a career in the government and now in retirement, to finally get the chance to write my own blog. It was good to get your mother’s perspective on all of this. i wrote about it on my blog today and think I will continue the theme tomorrow.
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Good on you, Tess!
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I love this mamamia tradition and really enjoyed this conversation. Thanks for letting me be a fly on your family home wall Mia. And thanks Mia’s mum for sharing with us what it was like to be a woman in the 60/70s. We need to hear these stories.
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Incredible!
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Love!
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I love that this was your post for International Women’s Day – hearing such a personal account from your lovely mother about what it was like to be female in the 60s was fascinating. I feel very grateful to be living as a 21 year old woman in the 21st century.
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I really enjoyed this. Mia you are the spitting image of your Mum! Not just in looks but in mannerisms and way of speech. Your blush is looking really lovely too.
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Love. This. Video.
Thank you Mia and Mia’s Mum. You are both just lovely.
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My Mum is the best role model. She is just the best. Sometimes she drives me crazy but when I think about my own job as a mother I often think I could never do it all as well as she did – so involved and amazing as a mother while also working, cleaning, cooking and later caring for her own amazing mother, who was an orphan and disabled with polio yet grew up to have seven children.
Anyway I have had amazing female role models in my life and this video thread has made me think about how my daughter will look at me, and what she will learn. I can only hope to leave an impression like what my Mum has left on me, and Mia’s has left on her.
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Ok so the little bit at the end when Mia pats her mother on the arm and they laugh about embarrassing their daughters is just so precious in its intimacy and warmth.
Not sure about what sort of feminist role model my mother is but this little act of love made me think about the different lives each generation leads. This week it is my daughters 5th birthday. My Mum has had refurbished a doll that was hers nearly 60 years ago. To see the ultra tanned, ringlet haired and hard limbed, doll perched up watching Angelina ballerina this afternoon was an insight into the vastly different worlds our kids and grandparents have known. It is my hope that one day my small girl will realize and be thank full for all the marvellous women who have paved the way for the freedom she will invariably take for granted.
I feel truly blessed to live in a time that gives me such choice to lead the life that suits me. Thanks Mia for making me take the time to think about it.
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Floraly, I feel blessed to live in this time too. I wonder if our daughters will listen to our stories of life in the 90s and 00s and feel grateful they didn’t have to live through what we do!
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Mia I loved this so much. It’s funny the things you remember. And how much you have shaped my life. I called my daughter Cleo. For a couple of reasons. Cleopatra was a strong and beautiful woman. A woman that was very much in charge. However, also feminine. Feminine does not have to be weak. But also I think I called her Cleo because of how much I admired you and Ita Buttrose. I always wanted to get into publishing. And never did. I remember being a young girl (just a few years younger than you) and seeing a picture of you standing next to your Mum when you were the Beauty editor. I don’t know why that image stayed with me but it did. I remember thinking you were both so beautiful and maybe I was a little envious. My own mother had passed away a few years earlier (when I turned 13). Like your Mum she was a wonderful woman. Who made very different choices to your mum. She was a SAHM. And I believe she is the reason I am a SAHM. Part of me thinks if I end up dying early like my mum did I want them to have spent every minute with me possible. I consider myself to be a feminist. And I so glad other woman have forged the way to allow us the freedom to make our own choices. Anyway just wanted to say you have had such a big impact on my life. And although I remember you both from that photo in Cleo as being physically beautiful you are both even more beautiful on the inside. As I’m sure Coco will grow up to be. Happy International Womans Day to both of you.
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Oh Ju. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful mum. It’s funny how much out mothers model choices for us….you must have admired her very much to follow in her SAHM path.
I have no doubt you are a feminist. My definition is all about choice.
Thank you for your incredibly kind words. I wish you and Cleo and your family a very happy IWD.
Xxx
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I always said your mum was so delightfully nice when she rings the office. This is 10,000 times better. I think Kathy has herself a fan club, and rightfully so!
Vote 1 Kathy!
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Mia and Kathy, I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed watching that interview/ chat. Thanks so much for sharing it.
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Oh Mia, what a great woman your mum is! But you already know that.
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