This is not the woman mentioned in the post...
By LUCY ORMONDE
Motherhood is better when you’re high.
At least, that’s what some parents seem to think.
Whether it’s a couple of times a week, after work, on the weekends, when their kids have gone to bed or even during the day while the kids are at home – a small but growing (no pun intended) number of mums are smoking joints to “counter the daily chaos” of life.
They claim marijuana make them feel more relaxed and better able to communicate with their children. “It can make you look at your kids in a more positive light,” says one mum said in this article from the New York Daily News.
They report:
Motherhood, a famously competitive sport in this city — especially in the tonier neighborhoods of Brooklyn — seems to be sending increasing numbers of stressed-out women bong-ward. As marijuana grows in acceptance (it was just decriminalized in neighboring Connecticut earlier this month, and is legal for medicinal purposes in 16 states and in Washington, DC), the leafy green drug is becoming a hipper alternative to that old standby, alcohol.
“Some moms are drinking very early in the day, starting around 4pm,” says Erica, who says she isn’t a fan of getting plastered. “I would rather smoke a bowl, take the edge off and go about my day.”
Whenever the mood strikes when she’s home — “I don’t travel with it,” she says — she’ll take a hit or two and transform into Mellow Mom. “When you’re smoking, you’re on a different level,” she says. “Things don’t frustrate you as much.”
Some advocacy groups actually say that marijuana is preferable to alcohol because it doesn’t come with the same negative behavioral side effects. Many believe that long-term use is actually less harmful than long-term alcohol use.
So is the same thing happening in Australia?
Well, a new report has found that Aussies and New Zealanders are amongst the biggest recreational drug users in the world. And given that our drug of choice is marijuana (as a people, we smoke more weed per capita than any other country in the world), it’s probably reasonable to assume that there are more than a few stoned Aussie mums out there.
An anonymous American mum wrote on website Jezebel recently about what it’s like to parent after having a smoke:
“In the middle of playing some totally vacant, rule-less game that involved pretending to chew stuff, making growling noises, and giggling, I realized that she’s like the funniest fucking person I’ve ever met. Anybody who thinks that weed makes parents ignore their children has clearly never been high around one.
Once upon a time, back when I was young and stupid enough to think that 30 was old, I thought that one magical day in the indeterminate future I’d just naturally age out of my predilection for smoking pot. That never happened. And why would it? Weed is awesome. I’ve always preferred it to alcohol. It doesn’t have the calories or the hangover.
And I’ve never had a glass of wine and been captivated by children’s books like I have after smoking. Staring at a page for God only knows how long, I caught myself saying very seriously, “Where is Waldo? I don’t think he’s in this one. Is he definitely always in it?”
Weed takes the edge off of my fatigue-induced bitchiness. It helps me not care so much about things. Wait, that sounds bad! I mean, it helps me not care about the stupid little unimportant things that I have a habit of getting hung up on and stressed about.
I don’t mean to shatter your world view or anything, but being a lifelong pothead doesn’t mean you’re relegated to living in your parents’ basement or being a deflated sack of skin on the couch, as many anti-marijuana Public Service Announcements would suggest. In fact, I’m a highly (pun intended) functioning member of society.
I have a full-time job. I’m a taxpayer. I’m a registered voter. I’m regularly contributing to my 401k and IRA. I’m married. I’m a homeowner. I’m a mom. I’m a stoner. I’m never going to find Waldo…
The point of all of this is that I know I’m not the only one, and I know I’m in good company, but I wish that more parents were open about smoking pot in order to reduce the stigma associated with it. You know, I’m a mom, but I’m also a person. Don’t put me in a box. Unless it’s a hot box.
It makes for funny reading but it’s a pretty serious subject. Is it really okay to be stoned around children?
In that same article from the New York Daily News, one doctor says that pot and parenting simply should not mix.
“You smoke marijuana, you get high,” says one doctor from a treatment centre in LA. “There’s a difference. If you have one glass of wine or beer, it reduces a little anxiety. But you could drive — you’re not impaired. When smoking marijuana, you smoke it to get loaded.”
Do you think there it’s okay to smoke marijuana when you’ve got kids? What about being high when you’re actually playing with your kids? Is it any different to having a couple of glasses of wine?
Comments
275 Comments so far
I have an old school friend who is now 37 and has smoked pot since she was about 18. She has 2 children and I’ve seen first hand how this affects things.
Firstly, she has been on anti-depressants since her teenage years but has had increasing psychotic episodes over the years and has been on a plethora of hard core medications which now treats her Bi-Polar disorder. Cooincidence, don’t think so!
Yeah, she’s certainly more mellow around the kids but in the past couple of years she only half-heartedly looked for a job (her family have been absolutely cash strapped), she stopped doing any house work, only cooked the kids easy meals like fish fingers (nothing that took any effort or real care for nutrition) all the while spending $400 each WEEK on pot and about $200 each WEEK on cigarettes!!! WTF!!!
Her marriage has since fallen apart and she has temporarily lost full access to her kids.
What a mess!
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Oh and I should mention, her beautiful, bubbly personality has all but disappeared. Definitely not the person she used to be.
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I would just like to have my say. When I was growing up, my mother smoked marijuana in our house at night times. I grew up and eventually when I was old enough to understand, say about seven or eight ish, and I knew it was a bad thing. I don’t know how I knew but I knew it wasn’t right, and later found out it was illegal.
If I would wake up at night and be able to smell the smoke, and even hear the bong, my mum coughing etc. Sometimes she would have friends over and sometimes it would be alone.
As i grew older I learnt more about weed, and bongs, and looked it up in books and heard about it on television and everything just reinforced my point of view of knowing my mother was doing a very wrong thing. By then I think after the years of casual smoking, my mother became addicted and it was obvious when she hadn’t had her weed as she would be irritable and constantly angry. In her down time she even tried to justify her anger to us kids, by saying that all parents lose their temper and throw things and scream and call their 12 year old daughters “bitches” and “selfish” and “lazy”.
I cannot stress enough how much this has impacted my life. As an adult I lack self confidence, deal with anxiety, hate the concept of drugs, and have a very bad relationship with my mother.
I remember when I was about 13-14, my mother and her friend were smoking weed in the laundry at about 7pm, and they had to go to the corner shop for something. Desperate to ,make my mother stop smoking, I crept into the laundy and mixed her marijuane with a handful of bicarb soda, I dont know what it was going to achieve but I was hoping for anything really. Mum found out when she came home, laughed it off, pulled out more and kept smoking.
It is NOT okay. There are so many memories that make me feel sick to my stomach. The honey that comes in the bear-shaped bottle: reminds me of the bongs.
Watering the garden makes me remember the hose always being sawn off at the end.
Seeing my mother’s friends in public makes me remember their cackling late at nights when they were high.
Coming home from school and telling my mum about a creative writing exam I came first in the class for, only to have her fall asleep/pass out whilst I was telling her about it.
And every moring when we would wake up to get ready for school. We dreaded Mum waking up. she would be angry and yell at us, due to being tired from smoking all night, side effects of the drug, coming down (which does happen), withdrawals. I remmeber always having the windows down in the car to school, even in the bitterest winter, so the wind would dry my tears off my face before I had to get out of the car.
I remember it got to a point where if I woke up from a nightmare or was sick at night that, essentialy, my mother was not there for me, as she was too high to care, or too passed out to wake and be cohesive. I went through my childhood feeling alone, helpless and isolated in life.
For parents out there who smoke pot in front of their kids, asleep or not, babies or teens or primary school aged, it is NOT right, or justifiable at all. You might think that the kids are oblivious, but chances are they are not. Even when young.
As a parent comes responsibility, and if you are smoking an illegal substance around your child, regardless how high you ight think you get, it is NOT RIGHT for so many reasons. Think of it from your child’s point of view. There are alot of emotions that you can’t see and alot of side effects of your actions. This is just my side of the story but as the child in the picture I know it is a very valid one. Parents who say they are not addicted, may not be, but no one ever sets out to become addicted to something and before you know it, life could start going downhill for you and you wont even realise, or you will keep justifying things so you can keep smoking.
Saying that “smoking takes the edge off parenting” is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. If you are having trouble doing something, get help, frineds, family, professionals, etc. Parenting is not easy. It is your responsibility as a parent to understand that and DO THE RIGHT THING by your children, no matter what age or knowledge they have about your substance consumption.
Don’t get defensive about being judged from me or other people. Just do something about it and be a strong parent, your kids at the very least deserve it.
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I’m so sorry for your experience Anon
There’s nothing more tragic to me than parents who let their kids down so badly.
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It’s heart breaking to think of any child growing up “feeling alone, helpless and isolated in life” I hope you have been able to get past all that and create a safe and wonderful life for yourself. Motherly love and hugs for you…
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Thankyou. I would like to say I am past it, and I am to a degree. I am living a healthy life with a beautiful daughter and wonderful partner. But there is alot of aspects that are with me for life, such as carrying around guilt, hiding this big “secret”, to avoid the stigma of having a pot-smoking mother.
Not to mention the awful relationship I have with her, lacking in love, trust, comfort. I know I have never done anything wrong but it will always feel that way..
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I’m so sorry that happend to you, it truly broke my heart reading your story. I have a friend who sounds just like your mum and I know this is exactly how her young daughter will feel as she grows older! I smoked for the first 2 yearss of my now 11 year old sons life and I carry so much guilt. I waited until he was asleep and went outside, but I was a terrible mother for doing so. I was a terrible mother for sleeping in of a morning, I was a terrible mother for spending money on drugs. Smoking made me a terrible mother. I wasn’t a heavy smoker either, just a joint at night and it made me a terrible mother!! The turning point for me, was when I woke up one morning to find my son with a bowl of rice bubbles spilled all over the floor along with a litre of milk all over the kitchen floor. My precious two year old son had resorted to getting his own breakfast! That was the lowest point of my life! I vowed to never smoke again and haven’t. This is why your story touched my heart so deeply, because he could be writing your story one day. Thank you for sharing!
Even if you smoke a joint now and then around children, asleep or not – you’re putting your needs before theirs!
We say we would die for our children but are we willing to ‘live for them’?
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Wow, your personal story gives me so much hope for other people and families, you have most definitely done the right thing by yourself and your son, and you should feel so so proud about overcoming what you knew was wrong. I wish others had the same view as you. Although your son was so young, and you said you weren’t a “huge” user, you had no idea what would or could happen in the future. I am so proud of you for making the right decision! Thankyou from the bottom of my heart for doing for your son what my mother never wanted to do for me.
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your story just brought tears up. not that I can associate with it, but just because I find it really good that you stopped, when you realised how bad it is for your family. good on you!
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i think this is an extreme case and i am sorry you still have memories of your mother in the worst possible light. I dont think this compares to the mum who blows off a joint every now and then to unwind , of course never in front of kids. Never should it interfere with proper parenting
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Lisa, this is not extreme. I can think of nearly a dozen families where this is the case. Because mum and dad are so stoned at night. it happens more than anyone cares to admit. And it only needs to happen once in a house hold for it to be to much.
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Lisa, how do extreme cases even begin? Like I said, my mother was always such a quiet reserved smoker for years and years, but eventually the drugs grew on her and she was unable to stop. Nothing ever starts out extreme, and addicts never choose to be so deeply addicted.
Not to mention the child’s point of view, even if the mother thinks they are too young to understand, which they may be, how does it make them feel when they grow older and remember and realise that their mother was getting high with illegal drugs, and that is why she slurred sometimes, or that is why those shady men came over to get money at night when she thought you were asleep….
As a parent myself now, I just don’t understand why another mother would make such a risk, and ignore her child’s perception and downplay his/her memories and emotions.
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Thank you for posting this insightful viewpoint. Too many people get caught up in doing what they want to do without consideration of a parents’ most important responsibility; raising healthy, well adjusted and happy children.
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I had a similar experience growing up, but luckily for me it was only every second weekend at my Dad’s house. It really is detrimental to your confidence and sense of self-worth when your parent would prefer to be stoned than present with their child. Thanks for articulating your experience, I hope it helps parents with drug issues come to terms with the hurt they are causing their children. Best wishes to you xo
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What an amazingly brave post.
I left my husband, taking my then 2 year old with me, for all the reasons you have mentioned. The people who care for/are around heavy pot smokers understand where you are coming from. The tension when the supply is low, the scrounging around for money, the shady character dropping off new supplies, the constant paranoia that family members/neighbours will smell the smoke and the money spent on air fresheners, the embarrassment, shame and trying to normalize/explain/justify it. It’s no life for the user, certainly no life for a child or partner of the user.
Sure, some people apparently smoke a little and rarely and they’re fine. Others do not. And it’s impossible most of the time to tell what kind of user someone is going to turn out to be.
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Cass, thankyou for sharing my point of view. I am so sorry to hear that your life has been negatively affected by such an awful drug as well. But well done on doing the right thing by yourself and your two year old, goodness knows it definitely would not have been easy for you. I can only imagine the emotional turmoil you went through, and maybe still do, like myself..
It really is impossible to predict your usuage in the following years. Why mothers would take the risk of becoming addicted, I will never understand or empathise with.. Too often the user is only focussed on themselves and their own relief, not the child’s point of view, or the future. If a user thinks they are getting away with their children not knowing about it, then they are incredibly ignorant and should educate themselves and change their priorities.
I will always feel so strongly about this issue as my childhood will never happen again, no matter how many times I replay my life in my head.. I wonder if, back then, my mother could have read my thoughts these days, if she would still take the same path and let herself go as much… Sould destroying stuff growing up the way I did… at least I know what not to do for my beautiful little daughter and any other future children. I will not only love her with all of my heart, but I will make decisions based on this love and she will ALWAYS know, through not only my words but my actions as well.
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Your story is THE perfect example, why it’s NOT ok to smoke pot. those parents who do are not aware of their implementations. My heart broke reading your story and thinking of all those moments where you didn’t have the mother you needed.
To all those who say it’s just a benign habit, it’s not!! It’s addictive, doesn’t matter that it may or may not be medically addictive, it is psychologically. full stop. Those who smoke, even just sometimes, yes I am judging, but what you do IS WRONG.
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You could be my son’s ex girlfriend. Lovely girl, but dragging round baggage that may be considered too heavy by Qantas. The only thing you haven’t mentioned is your mum being too lazy to get you to school in time. She had that happen. DOCs got called a couple of times.
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Judgmental lot here..Such a shame to see, yet again, people condemning others for actions that have no impact on them. I smoke pot, have done for a long time. I have 2 children, run my own business, feed, clothe & care for my family..I’m not neglecting anyone or afraid to go out. I have friends that don’t smoke, I drive a car, all the things that the rest of you do..Stop worrying about what others do & stick to your own lives.
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Yep, all the things my friend did till recently.
Complete denial. Problem is, you honestly have no idea how you come off to people who aren’t high. None whatsoever.
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i agree, i wonder out of the all the comments against , how many people will down 3-4 glasses of wine a night? same result really.
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I barely drink 3 to 4 glasses of wine *in a year*, so can I be free to criticise, please?
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Please, please, read comment above from ‘Anon due to fear of ridicule’
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anything that gets stressed mums to chill out at the end of the day and read a book with your child in a relaxed way, even if that means staring at the one page for 20 minutes….gotta be a good thing
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Having hung out with stoned people, I’m not sure that they’re in the most responsive state possible to be spending quality time with their kids… maybe the happiness with being with their kids is that they simply don’t notice what’s going on for them anymore… Once the kids are in bed, might be a different matter. But there should always be a sober, unstoned adult around in case of emergencies.
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If a person needs drugs or alcohol to enjoy reading a book with their child, perhaps they should never have become parents at all… I am disgusted by some of the people on here who think it’s okay to smoke pot around their kids. I feel deeply sorry for the children… Their parents are definitely not putting their needs first. Such a sad situation…
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Does anyone want to look at what it might be like for kids being around parents who are so busy being responsible that they forget to actually sit down and play in the moment with their kids. I’m definitely not saying you need pot to do that but some people on the comments need something!
Why do you think many kids these days feel detached from their parents even after being looked after very responsibly. Because they’re uptight and stressed and sometimes fail to just connect as an equal. Oooh theres a hippy idea shoot it Mamamia!
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‘r’ isn’t next to ‘o’ on my keyboard, so for the life of me I can’t work out how you made that typo, Heroin.
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Troll much?
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Okay so rightly or wrongly you smoke pot (in front of your kids, after they’ve gone to bed…whatever), and again rightly or wrongly it’s an illegal activity in most parts of Australia.
My question is how will/do you deal with things when your kids partake in illegal activities…any kind of illegal activities?
I’m certainly no saint (far from it) but I try to apply the ‘how will I explain my illegal activity to my kids’ rule. As an example I drink at home…I’m 41 and legally allowed to do so, but I do not condone my 17 year old drinking at home and I will not buy alcohol for her because it is illegal to do so. And yes I understand that she will, and does, participate in under age drinking (I did!), but if I break the law…and then try and reinforce other laws like don’t speed, don’t text whilst driving, don’t steal etc. I would be saying it’s okay to break some laws but not others!
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I’m always nervous when people use anything like drugs or alcohol to realx.
I can understand how it’s nice to unwind with a glass of wine or whatever, but needing an external substance to ensure you relax doesn’t sit right with me. We should learn how to handle the tiny annoying things that piss us off effectively first before resorting to other things.
I have the same feelings when people use substances to calm down when they’re nervous, or can’t socialise without a few drinks under their belts.
We’re much more capable than that.
Futhermore, while a relaxed mummy is a very good mummy to have, if she can’t drive to the hospital when their child is very hurt or sick, then you have a problem.
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A glass of wine is an external substance used to ensure you relax.
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I think she’s trying to differentiate between enjoying a glass of wine and *needing* a glass of wine to socialise / relax / whatever.
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Apologies for sounding a tad vague Arya, but yes Emmy – I did mean that difference. If you need a glass of wine to relax, that’s very different to relaxing with a glass of wine (or a scented candles, or a nice book for example).
I was trying to point out how I believe it’s dangerous to rely on an external substance as a catalyst to relaxation.
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You’re right, relying on any substance is dangerous. I’d also like to point out that you can relax with weed without needing weed to relax.
But thanks for clarifying.
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So is a hot milo!
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On the surface being a more relaxed and fun person to your kids sounds great, but what worries me are the other more negative issues around this. Why do you need to be stoned? What sort of example do you want to set for your children? What happens if you are stoned and have to deal with an emergency? what happens if your use of drugs somehow involves you or your family in crime? Alcohol abuse raises the same concerns. I think the negatives greatly outweigh the positives here.
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Hmmm. I generally agree that getting stoned around your kids is not a great idea. You do have to be quick on your feet, especially with littlies and once they’re not littlies, they’re old enough to be influenced by your choices. Eithe way, not a good outcome.
However, I do find it a little hard to bear the people who are losing their minds that have never even tried weed. I do agree that there are degrees of “stoned” just like there are degrees of drunk. You would never get legless or incapacitated when caring for children but a glass of wine or two is socially ok for most people? How is a toke or two (in private, away from the kids) and it’s resultant effects hugely different? I’m guessing that for most people it is a knee-jerk reaction to a proper “drug” (for proper, read legal).
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Wah – why can’t I edit?
The last sentence should read: (For proper, read “illegal”)
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Sorry but this really really shits me that some people (the mothers who do it) think it’s okay. And yes I will judge.
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Agree 100%, let the judging begin
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I don’t think you should comment unless you have actually been high. Cause you have no idea what you are on about. Personally, I wouldn’t smoke around my child as I get paranoid and anxious (hence the reason I don’t smoke) but i know people who function quite normally – the can even cook! – when stoned. I think Alcohol is far more dangerous.
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People still have the right to express an opinion.
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Of course, it’s just frustrating when it seems to be, in some cases, misinformed and not based on experience.
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A-dubbs I couldn’t disagree with you more. And I am informed. I think it is the biggest mistake when people are under the impression that smoking weed doesn’t affect them. Of course it does. And believing it doesn’t makes them even more dangerous.
I have had close friends who have driven while high and gotten in car accidents. I have had friends whose parents smoked weed and have seen the consequence of this ‘gateway’ drug on their children. I have worked with the mentally ill whose behaviors are very much changed after a ‘little’ weed.
Any substance that alters the mind is powerful. And it most certainly shouldn’t be abused while caring for children.
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I would like to “like” this comment x 100.
You can have plenty of “experience” of the drug by seeing it’s affects on others close to you, without having to partake yourself.
Talk to anyone that works on a psyc ward – for some people a tiny bit of weed has massive permanent consequences to their mental health.
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I don’t understand this logic sorry.
There is research out there that provides enough evidence to support people having an opinion.
I’ve never been drunk and gotten behind the wheel of car, but I certainly have an opinion that it’s not a good idea based on the surmountable research provided.
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A-Dubbs, I wonder if you apply this to all areas of your life. You can’t have an opinion on refugees unless you’ve been a refugee. You can’t have an opinion on ‘gay marriage’ unless you’ve been a gay person wanting to get married. You can’t have an opinion on harsher penalties for crime unless you’ve been a criminal or victim of crime. I’d rather look at it as a societal issue and as a member of society, I am allowed to have an opinion. Like I always say, ” I don’t need to be hit by a bus to know it hurts.”
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amen.
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No mate, I wouldn’t.
Having a view on refugees, gay marriage etc (yes to both) is totally different to being able to cast judgement on being stoned when you’ve never smoked a joint/pipe/bong in your life….
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How is it different?
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Is being stoned the only way to ‘have experience’ of the issue? How about being sober and around stoned people? Because after all, I think that’s likely to be the kids’ experience.
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Or how about having to care for their kids, like I do everyday? For those who say a bit of a toke here and there doesn’t effect your day to day functioning I beg to differ. Sometimes, but not always, a bit of weed every so often can turn into using everyday. Or it maybe used to take the edge off harder illicit drugs.
It maybe the parents right to do what they like, but is it the children’s right to have a stoned parent?
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A-Dubbs, I have known three people who only tried pot once and went schizophrenic.
They all committed suicide due to their illness. I know this does not happen to everyone who tries it but it has so many other negative effects as listed in the other posts above.
I do not need to try it to see and understand this.
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Justification………….outside looking in, EVERYONE knows you smoke. You ask “surely there are more like me” yes there are, they live in the low socio economic areas, they struggle with finances, they struggle with their children, relationships and contributing to society. Sure some live in other areas, they are the dealers usually, too smart to get hooked.
Your eyes are squinty and bloodshot and droopy, if you can “function” while stoned like cooking and cleaning then your already addicted and you have made it normal to have it in your day to day activity, thats going to make it harder to stop isnt it?
Stoners only have stoners as friends, usually they cant go out with other people because they cant smoke, they cant drive and they usually dont drink. You are usually moody and make up stories in your head, your in your head alot because the world doenst get what you see.
Im sorry for you that you need to resort to this to feel good – or really is it to feel nothing. A good friend once told me “you’ll stop when you dont want to do that anymore”, she was right
I would like to eat chocolate for breakfast lunch and dinner but i cant because it has consequences. I would love to keep smoking ciggies (which im giving up) but i cant because it has consequenses. I would love to get “off my chops” laugh, giggle, eat heaps, chill out, stare at a tree for hours, but i cant because it has consequenses and seriously NOTHING WOULD GET DONE EVER.
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Not all pot smokers are poor – or dealers. You’d probably be surprised to know who smokes….
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thats what im getting at, alot of people are aware of who smokes pot. Its the pot smokers who think they are keeping a big secret.
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Classic…. must be nice to have such a simplistic view on life and a such a defined view on good v evil…. This gave me a good chuckle…
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I agree, what a stupid argument. My husband and I are well educated and travelled, live in a wealthy area, drive nice cars, earn very good money, and love a bit of a smoke every now and then. The kids are never awake, and we never get stoned, just a bit giggly. No one would ever know from looking at us, even our closest friends have no idea we do this.
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This has been me for a long time. In this case, it’s more akin to having a couple of wines. I had a problem with drugs and alcohol when I was young. Not anymore, I haven’t smoked for a couple of years and I rarely drink.
The judgement being expressed here is incredible. I’m not saying smoking around your kids when they’re awake is the thing to do, but I wonder what peoples opinions will be if you ask them again in 20 years, after they’ve seen more.
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There is a huge difference between a “stoner” and a person who occasionally indulges in some recreational pot. You seem to lump all of them in together.
And your assertion that all people who smoke are from low SES areas, bad parents and general failures at life is quite absurd. You’ve obviously had some exposure to some people in that situation and it’s been largely a negative experience by you tone.
But I’m here to tell you that pot users are not all like that.
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here here.
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Hear hear, Nice Boulder
(And wow mum of two … mind meld … I totally didn’t see your comment before I wrote mine!)
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Your correct NiceBoulder my exposure to “stoners” has been a negative experience. Its not nice to see kids getting neglected, running round the place right next to their parents bonging on. Even harder when it is family.
If you use it to chill every now and again, whatever floats your boat, liken it to a couple of glasses of wine on a saturday night if thats your thing. Yes i beleive there is a difference between “stoners” and recreational users and the difference is quantity. More weed = less money for other things.
There are deffinately suburbs where drugs are more prevalent…..i didnt make that up.
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i think there is a huge difference in parents putting the kids to bed at night and enjoying some quiet time with a couple of bongs . As a former biggggggg pot smoker for many years ( i have 3 kids ) I detest parents who openly smoke in front of children. I stopped smoking as soon as my husband and I decided to have kids. Starting to smoke again when my baby was a few months old. After a few weeks I soon realised that I needed to grow the hell up . Enjoying pot ceased for me as soon as I became a mum, the anxiety of knowing that if your kid woke up choking or sick in the middle of the night was too much for me to deal with if I would have been stoned. That was 22years ago and I havent touched it since, but I totally get thsi article and maybe it will help some parents to relax so that they find parenting easier, it just wasnt for me
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No, there are suburbs where drug use is more overt and publicised. Drugs are in every neighbourhood, every class and stage of social mobility. Research the topic, if you please, instead of relying on your over-emotional anecdotal evidence and descriptions.
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Of course it is NOT alright to smoke weed when caring for children. There is a reason mother nature made mothers stressed at times – to ensure we teach our children properly and to keep them out of danger! Who ever said parenting should be easy?
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I am sorry but I found this hysterical.
As someone who works full time is pregnant and has a 2 year old that decided she wanted to play from 11.15pm-4.30am this morning and has already cried in my bosses office this morning about work issues, this looks like a fab option (obviously the pregnant part rules it out or that face that I would have no idea where to start to get my hands on any) .
But the giggle at this post has worked just as well I would say.
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When you are a parent and responsible for your children, you need to be as alert and as functional as possible.
On the rare occasion that I’ve had a drink (and I mean only one) in the early evening (say when we are all having a celebration for something) I straight away feel that I have lost my edge at being in total control.
I can’t even entertain the idea of both my husband and I having more than one drink of an evening if it would mean that neither of us would be able to drive if we had to race to the doctor or something.
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Wow, are your kids really little? That seems awfully “controlled” to me. And have you heard of ambulances?
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Yes, my kids are little, a toddler and a preschooler. And I when I referred to being in total control, I wasn’t referring to being in control of them, I was referring to being in control of myself.
And funnily enough, yes, I have heard of ambulances, been in the back of one myself as a matter of fact, thanks for your sarcasm.
I’d also like add another scenario… if both my husband and I got smashed/stoned whatever at night and one of our kids needed us for whatever reason, then we’d be useless parents if we couldn’t attend to them.
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Good on you cordeline I totally agree. It’s not funny to be drunk or stoned around your kids, it’s irresponsible. They need you to care for them, no matter what happens and all parents should know they’re unpredictable little beings. So if one of you wants to drink or smoke, agree the other won’t so there’s someone available for emergencies and general care duties.
Also no one has mentioned how they cope the next day – I’m guessing not so chilled out and relaxed with the kids then!
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Ha! So true about the next day… if my husband goes out on a Friday night with work mates I can consider him a total write-off the next day in terms of being any use as a dad!
That’s what I meant as well about BOTH of us not drinking too much at the same time. God, I have a horror story of my sister and her husband both getting smashed at home one night (I think it happens fairly often) and their son woke during the night in a terrible state of mind (he has an ASD) and neither of them were in a position to get themselves down to his room and he climbed to the top of his tall bookshelf and it came crashing down with him stuck underneath the weight of it.
When they eventually got to him, he had cut his head badly and they couldn’t help him properly.
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Hey, just on the ‘ambulance’ point. Let’s not forget that ambulances charge hundreds of dollars per call-out (if you are not covered by private health insurance) and what’s more – isn’t it massively selfish to call out an ambulance for say a non-life threatening emergency which normally the parents could drive their children to the hospital/doctor for themselves? How about all the other people that need an ambulance for a truly life-threatening issue and here’s one being used by stoned parents to take their child to hospital with a sprained ankle?? Just a thought.
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I was going to add all that, so glad someone else did!
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On the ambulance thing: where do you think that ambulance is taking you ? that’s right . A HOSPITAL . Do you know what happens to parents who arrive drunk or noticeably stoned at a hospital with a badly hurt child? take a guess.
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To the doctor from the NY Daily News – it is quite possible to smoke a BIT of marijuana and get a BIT high. A tiny bit doesn’t make you instantly unable to function (much as potheads would enjoy that).
Not saying it’s okay to be stoned while looking after kids (because I don’t think that), but I’d like to see the artificial differences between pot and alcohol dumped. They’re pretty much the same thing, in so many ways.
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You’re wrong, pot and alcohol are completely different, in so many ways.
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Fair enough Bennie, but a helpful followup to that comment would have been an explanation of why you think that way
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Excuse the language for a minute but what the SHIT is this meant to be? Is it ok to smoke drugs around your kids??? Ummmmmm NOOOOOOO! Maybe we should ask Tiger Lily how she feels about parents doing drugs while their kids are at home and gain an insight into what it feels like to sit next to the lifeless body of your mother?? Sorry but this is sick. If you are so stressed that you need to turn to hallucinogenic drugs that impair your judgment, you need help.
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Technically weed is not a hallucinogen, it’s a cannabinoid.
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I don’t think it’s right to consume any substances that affect your perceptions or reaction times when you are a parent of children. Not alcohol or marijuana.
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Have you heard the saying ‘don’t knock it before you try it?’. The assertion that ‘you smoke to get loaded’ is BS. Just like people who drink alcohol know how to moderate their dose so do people who smoke marijuana. I’m a parent and I smoke weed. Consuming alcohol or marijuana excessively (as must have happened in Leah’s SMH example) is not a responsible behaviour – why does everyone become so shrill and generalist when talking about pot?
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Agreed, FFS. That doctor was speaking from complete ignorance and discrimination against one drug in favour of a more ‘socially acceptable one.
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Fair point, and yes drinking too much alcohol is just as bad.
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My former partner used to make exactly the same claims about pot to me. Then one night he sat completely entranced by Finding Nemo while stoking the fire in the pot belly stove as my young son was pulling himself around on the the furniture. The safety screen around the stove was wide open and just as I walked into the room, my son toddler across to the stove – in front of my ex – and placed his hands on the stove. Thankfully not for long enough to do permanent damage, but enough to hurt like hell and need treatment. When I asked my partner to take us to the doctor and the chemist he lay around on the floor and said “I’m too tired to drive and it doesn’t look too bad anyway”.
On another occasion, despite me being under the impression he was following my request not to smoke pot anywhere near the kids, my 3 year old daughter picked up a coke bottle and perfectly mimicked smoking a bong.
Not surprisingly that relationship ended not long after those incidents, since he made it clear he’d never ever give up and didn’t consider he had a problem.
Keep your pot thanks, I prefer to be bloody sure I’m as competent as I can be with my kids – and yes, that includes not drinking when they’re around.
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Woah. This is terrifying.
Not really sure what else to write about this…
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Seriously? I knew I shouldn’t have read this one. I’m sorry but this is a stupid article and an equally stupid question.
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I don’t even . . . How on earth do I respond to this?
I’ve never tried weed, hell, I’ve never smoked a cigarette (as a chronic asthmatic I would be a complete bonehead to do so). I can understand the appeal of being relaxed around your kids so you don’t spaz out when they say/do something stupid, but I don’t see how this would be safe.
What about when it’s dinner time and you have to cook? Aren’t your response times considerably slower? So if your child has their hand over a hotplate, would you be capable to react fast enough so they don’t burn themselves? Or would you be too loaded to even look after yourself?
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Answer to question # 1 : you cook.
Answer to question # 2 : not necessarily
Answer to question # 3 : why does your kid have their hand over a hotplate? Yes.
Answer to question # 4: no.
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Just around a week ago there was an article in the SMH about a stoned mum who left her one month old baby in a capsule on top of her car and drove off. The capsule fell on the road but fortunately in that instance the baby wasn’t hurt too badly.
NO I don’t think it’s alright to be stoned while caring for a child, there are too many instances where you need your wits about you.
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Not-stoned people also do this all the time.
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I find nothing amusing about that article.. Getting wasted/high whilst being a carer for children is absolutely NOT alright. No responsible parent would ever dream of altering their perception of reality whilst caring for their children.
Marijuana is a dangerous drug. It has long term side effects and affects judgement and the ability to make safe choices for yourself and children.
Anyone who thinks getting stoned anywhere near children is acceptable needs a reality check (and preferably a punch in the throat!)
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And what are the long term side affect again?
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There are long term side effects to smoking dope. I am sure that anyone who knows a chronic user knows that person is also anxious/depressed and unable to work full time or participate in relationships in any meaningful way. I know quite a few “cooked” from speed and dope and cannot understand why people justify the use of illegal drugs to themselves as it being ok for them because they only use a bit, or only use sometimes.
i agree with what people have posted elsewhere here, I know you think no one knows, but believe me, we all know you are using.
Your house smells, your clothes smell, even your dog smells of weed.
Also, whether you believe dope should be legalised or not, you are participating in an illegal act. You are buying dope from people who are, either very scary, or who are involved with some very scary people.
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Please don’t equate speed and dope, not even remotely close to being the same thing.
The only reason dealers are scary (some are okay anyway, but just for the sake of argument) is BECAUSE it is illegal. If the dealer was the government (in a situation where weed is legalized) would you say they are scary also?
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Marijuana is actually safer than both alcohol and cigarettes, in terms of long term effects on health. It’s also not physically addictive, as opposed to both the aforementioned legal drugs.
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Being high when playing with your kids is no different to having a couple of glasses of wine, but I don’t do that either. If my kids are awake I will only have one glass of wine because I’m responsible for them. If they’re asleep I might have a second glass of wine because I still need to be responsible for them. Chances are they’re asleep and I won’t see them until the morning, but what if they suddenly needed me and my judgement was impaired because I’d had too many wines (or if I was high)? As parents we are responsible for our children, they should be able to rely on us at all times of the day, not just when it suits us. Being high or drunk doesn’t make you a better parent. It makes you an irresponsible parent.
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I’m reamining Anon for this post because I can feel the judgement before I’ve even written. I can absolutely see why some parents would do this. My husband runs his own business. He often works 12 hour days, 6 days a week, starting at 5.30am in the morning. He loves to have a joint some evenings just to relax. And truth be told I think that he is sometimes a better Dad for doing it. It helps him unwind, leave all his stuff at the door and just focus on enjoying his kids without being grumpy or moody. He doesn’t get ‘toasted’. It just takes the edge off for him – the same as a beer or a glass of wine would for others. I don’t smoke pot ever. But I wouldn’t hesitate to leave my children with my husband just because he’d had a joint. He’s a great Dad and would never do anything to jepordise the safety of our children. I think it’s very easy to judge others without understanding that all drugs affect people to different degrees. Some people are easily able to remain fully functioning while ‘under the influence’.
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“But I wouldn’t hesitate to leave my children with my husband just because he’d had a joint. He’s a great Dad and would never do anything to jepordise the safety of our children.”
That statement alone is a massive red flag…
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Let’s all remember that differences of opinion are welcome but personal attacks are not. Thanks everyone.
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? huh? That statement was critical (maybe) but I scarcely think it’s a personal attack.
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The personal attack was edited out of it, Lulu.
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Ah, that makes sense, thanks.
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I fully agree with you Anon and I think you’re brave for putting your post up when the reaction is overwhelmingly negative. I have a friend who is a Mum and I know she has a smoke the odd time and looks after her kid. If you don’t, you can’t really judge. Why is the reaction here so different to the post a while back on Mummy’s little helper? We had heaps of readers admitting they took a tipple during the day ‘to get through it’ and the reaction was sympathetic for the main part, from what I saw.
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As an ex wife of a regular marijuana smoker, I can say that long term use is just as bad as any other drug or alcohol and the dependance is awful. My ex husband couldnt go 4 hours without a smoke and there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY I would have left children in his care when he was high and the mood swings and anxiety he suffered if he didnt have a regular supply of marijuana on hand were the hardest times I have had to endure in my life, so I would never have had children with him knowing he was going to be dependent on the drug for the rest of his life. Ultimately his marijuana use was the reason our marriage broke down. Yes we owned our own house, he had a good job and played sport regularly too but in the end he was always going to be a pot head. I walked away after 11 years with him and a year later found a wonderful man who is completely drug free to spend the rest of my life with.
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Unlike yourself lucy, I dont find the subject of drugs, or stories of drug taking parents funny in any context.
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I don’t think she was having a laugh. Get off your high horse, hero.
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Exactly which part of saying ‘it makes for funny reading’ backs up your point, hero.
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Hey Wounded Bull, Yep – I chuckled when I read the post. I thought it was a well written, witty piece. But I don’t think means I agree with what the she’s doing nor does it doesn’t suggest I’d ever do it myself. But it is a talking point, so we widened the net and opened it up for discussion.
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Thanks for taking time to reply to me, and your point is taken. To those that felt a need to label me a hero, well, I am not sure what was so different in my comment vs the majority offering an opinion on here. I find it interesting, as I often get deleted for less than whty I cop myself. Oh well, thick skin here.
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Ah Wounded Bull, I’ve seen the keyboard lashings you get on lots of posts … *sometimes* your language can tend to the inflammatory even if the sentiment is the same as many other commenters! That said, there do seem to be some people who see your username and get happy with the Moderator button …
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I am just a mis-understood puppy dog, my loopy friend.
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It’s because of your tone. A lot of people express difference of opinions, but the way you express yours is almost always haughty, rude and inflammatory.
Also, you tend to ignore quite obvious points (facts or parts of an article) just so you can have a gripe. For example, the fact that immedately after saying “it makes for funny reading” Lucy qualifies “but it’s a serious matter”. Just a bit of friendly feedback.
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fair enough, but I am not sure how you read tone on here. Re read my original comment in a quiet, non aggresive tone and see if it reads any different.
It is easy to mis interpret something as aggresive when it is not meant in that way. Anyway, I take it on the chin and apologise if offense was taken.
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I don’t think it was funny reading, I thought it was sad.
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Would love for these mothers to meet mine, a complete and utter stoner and utterly useless. Just because you manage to hold down a job and pay your taxes – it does not make you any less of a loser. Yes, I will put you in a box, you are a drug addict. End of story.
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Completely agree, abusing any substances around children is completely wrong. My Mum was an alcoholic for my entire childhood, before finally getting sober when I was 17.
She kept an immaculate house, cooked dinner each night and made sure stuff was fine for my sister and I. Was she a good mother? No, absolutely not.
Kids can always tell when there is something wrong with their parents and I completely agree Anon, that they are still losers.
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Thats a very generalised statement and I resent it, just because I may have a smoke every couple of years does not make me a drug addict. Im sorry you had a bad experience with your mother. My parents were tea totallers and yet were still bad parents because they spent every waking hour on a golf course and left my sister and I alone from the age of 5. I am very different with my children and my very odd smoke plays no part in my ability to parent well.
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well said
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So these American trends are also relevant to Aussie mums?
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Aussies are the highest recreational drug users per capita. Its relevant because realistically its not likely that those users are all young and/or single.
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Then lets write an article with some stats and quotes from some Aussie mums.
Not just cut and paste from an article from the New York Times.
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I think the problem would be getting the stats and quotes.
In the US, its more accepted. Here, not so much.
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I find nothing amusing about that article.. Getting wasted/high whilst being a carer for children is absolutely NOT alright. No responsible parent would ever dream of altering their perception of reality whilst caring for their children.
Marijuana is a dangerous drug. It has long term side effects and affects judgement and the ability to make safe choices for yourself and children.
Anyone who thinks getting stoned anywhere near children is acceptable needs an reality (and preferably a punch in the throat!)
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Wow, awesome idea. I’m gonna teach my kids how to roll a jazz cigarette.
Seriously, probably would most want a fun snorkel during the long car trips with kids. Don’t think that would mix well.
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No no no no! With kids, comes responsibilities. I even hate it when I see people smoking WHILE pregnant AND smoking around young children where they can inhale it.
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I don’t think it’s a good idea. You can tell from that article right there that it’s impairing judgement. I wouldn’t drive, cook or bath my kids stoned. What about if your kid asks an awkward question and you’ve got to think on your feet?
Frankly, if you are so bored or stressed that you need to get stoned to get through the day, you’re doing it wrong! I can see the use recreationally, but everyday?
I hold pretty much the same view of drinking too, but I only drink socially and don’t find it particularly relaxing.
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This reminds me of ‘weeds’ … loved that show …
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Ummmm no!? It’s not ok to get intoxicated in front of your kids- no matter what the drug, legal or illegal.
I’m not a wowser- I don’t think there is anything wrong with the occasional adult fun on your night off when the kids are with a babysitter or other carers. But god no, not in front of them please.
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Where is the evidence marijuana doesn’t come with negative behavioral effects? The scientific literature, and those that work on the front line in emergency departments or mental health would beg to differ.
While there is evidence for safe levels of alcohol use, the same does not apply to smoking cigarettes or marijuana.
I think it is naive to be so accepting of it; decriminalize absolutely, but it is not harmless, and in my opinion should not be used around children (neither should you get drunk around them).
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There is no evidence for safe levels of marijuana use?!?!? I very much beg to differ. Most of the research is done on recreational users (which are people that use it at a safe level). Furthermore, even moderate use of alcohol is more damaging compared to moderate weed use. Please get your facts straight.
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I disagree with your definition of recreational user.
I don’t deny that alcohol can have major adverse health effects at excessive levels, that’s why the NHMRC has issued guidelines on safe levels of consumption.
I would link to some research, but there are more than 17,000 articles on marijuana on pub med, with common themes being adverse neurocognitive effects, psychosis, suicide risk and lung disease. I suggest you will find that the majority of the literature refers to frequent users, and ere may be some studies including occasional users, but this is not the same as defining a safe level.
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As you disagree with my definition of a recreational user, could you perhaps explain to me your definition?
Most of the research you are referring to admits there is no evidence that there are any long term adverse effects of marijuana, and research is done on both recreational and heavy users (often in the same study).
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