This is not the woman mentioned in the post...
By LUCY ORMONDE
Motherhood is better when you’re high.
At least, that’s what some parents seem to think.
Whether it’s a couple of times a week, after work, on the weekends, when their kids have gone to bed or even during the day while the kids are at home – a small but growing (no pun intended) number of mums are smoking joints to “counter the daily chaos” of life.
They claim marijuana make them feel more relaxed and better able to communicate with their children. “It can make you look at your kids in a more positive light,” says one mum said in this article from the New York Daily News.
They report:
Motherhood, a famously competitive sport in this city — especially in the tonier neighborhoods of Brooklyn — seems to be sending increasing numbers of stressed-out women bong-ward. As marijuana grows in acceptance (it was just decriminalized in neighboring Connecticut earlier this month, and is legal for medicinal purposes in 16 states and in Washington, DC), the leafy green drug is becoming a hipper alternative to that old standby, alcohol.
“Some moms are drinking very early in the day, starting around 4pm,” says Erica, who says she isn’t a fan of getting plastered. “I would rather smoke a bowl, take the edge off and go about my day.”
Whenever the mood strikes when she’s home — “I don’t travel with it,” she says — she’ll take a hit or two and transform into Mellow Mom. “When you’re smoking, you’re on a different level,” she says. “Things don’t frustrate you as much.”
Some advocacy groups actually say that marijuana is preferable to alcohol because it doesn’t come with the same negative behavioral side effects. Many believe that long-term use is actually less harmful than long-term alcohol use.
So is the same thing happening in Australia?
Well, a new report has found that Aussies and New Zealanders are amongst the biggest recreational drug users in the world. And given that our drug of choice is marijuana (as a people, we smoke more weed per capita than any other country in the world), it’s probably reasonable to assume that there are more than a few stoned Aussie mums out there.
An anonymous American mum wrote on website Jezebel recently about what it’s like to parent after having a smoke:
“In the middle of playing some totally vacant, rule-less game that involved pretending to chew stuff, making growling noises, and giggling, I realized that she’s like the funniest fucking person I’ve ever met. Anybody who thinks that weed makes parents ignore their children has clearly never been high around one.
Once upon a time, back when I was young and stupid enough to think that 30 was old, I thought that one magical day in the indeterminate future I’d just naturally age out of my predilection for smoking pot. That never happened. And why would it? Weed is awesome. I’ve always preferred it to alcohol. It doesn’t have the calories or the hangover.
And I’ve never had a glass of wine and been captivated by children’s books like I have after smoking. Staring at a page for God only knows how long, I caught myself saying very seriously, “Where is Waldo? I don’t think he’s in this one. Is he definitely always in it?”
Weed takes the edge off of my fatigue-induced bitchiness. It helps me not care so much about things. Wait, that sounds bad! I mean, it helps me not care about the stupid little unimportant things that I have a habit of getting hung up on and stressed about.
I don’t mean to shatter your world view or anything, but being a lifelong pothead doesn’t mean you’re relegated to living in your parents’ basement or being a deflated sack of skin on the couch, as many anti-marijuana Public Service Announcements would suggest. In fact, I’m a highly (pun intended) functioning member of society.
I have a full-time job. I’m a taxpayer. I’m a registered voter. I’m regularly contributing to my 401k and IRA. I’m married. I’m a homeowner. I’m a mom. I’m a stoner. I’m never going to find Waldo…
The point of all of this is that I know I’m not the only one, and I know I’m in good company, but I wish that more parents were open about smoking pot in order to reduce the stigma associated with it. You know, I’m a mom, but I’m also a person. Don’t put me in a box. Unless it’s a hot box.
It makes for funny reading but it’s a pretty serious subject. Is it really okay to be stoned around children?
In that same article from the New York Daily News, one doctor says that pot and parenting simply should not mix.
“You smoke marijuana, you get high,” says one doctor from a treatment centre in LA. “There’s a difference. If you have one glass of wine or beer, it reduces a little anxiety. But you could drive — you’re not impaired. When smoking marijuana, you smoke it to get loaded.”
Do you think there it’s okay to smoke marijuana when you’ve got kids? What about being high when you’re actually playing with your kids? Is it any different to having a couple of glasses of wine?
Comments
275 Comments so far
“You smoke marijuana, you get high,” says one doctor from a treatment centre in LA. “There’s a difference. If you have one glass of wine or beer, it reduces a little anxiety. But you could drive — you’re not impaired. When smoking marijuana, you smoke it to get loaded.”
The fact that he’s completely wrong – it is entirely and easily possible and common that people use small amounts of marijuana to reduce stress and anxiety, and to not get ‘loaded’ – discredits the whole point he was trying to make.
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I dont like to judge but i think that before buying drugs you should read a little bit, just a little about drug trafficking and your participation in it.
Im a mom too. I dont get drunk in front of my kid, i dont do drugs to deal with her. Yes, sometimes she drives me mad but i try to be the best mom i can because she didnt ask to be born and she is my responsability.
I have only one kid because i know i can cope with that..i dont know if ill be able to have 2. Children are awesome but theyre also hard work! Im sick of watching women popping out 2 or more children then complaining about it! If you can’t compromise with something/someone just don’t do it!
Children are a choice, not consequence of life.
Read about drug trafficking, please.
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And for the record, I think it’s hilarious that some of you people are comparing opiates and methamphetamines to marijuana. Those drugs are in a totally different realm than marijuana. And it’s a fact that alcohol and heroin affect the same part of the brain in a similar way, whereas marijuana affects cb1 receptors.
Trying to tell a story about how your sister or friends are tweakers and junkies to justify that marijuana is bad just makes you look ignorant and uninformed, uneducated and stupid.
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Now, I may not smoke marijuana, but I know some seriously broken families due to alcohol abuse. No one just has a glass of wine anymore. Potheads beating their children? Doesn’t really happen. Alcoholics beating their spouse and children? Sure as hell does.
Anyone advocating that alcohol is safer than marijuana is full of crap. The ‘doctor’ at the treatment center is under influence of american propaganda because alcohol makes big bucks for both the government and certain corporations.
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I would like to add… and this is everything….we all love our children, 99% of the time we wish no harm…even if we behave badly…if the INTENT is to do damage..to ourselves…or our kids…well…’Houston…we have a problem’….oh, I think it’s worth remembering that humans have been intoxicating themselves for many thousands of years…we have the receptors..it’s natural.. But gee some folk really hate other folk don’t they? What’s that about??
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Good points
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ok…thats’ enough…every body off their high horse (hahahaha) and let’s quit this disturbing judgementalfest….you choose what you do … I’ll choose what I do……and if we meet in the middle let’s call it ‘love’ shall we…frankly..whatever get’s you through the night…it’s all right…it’s all right..x
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This is the right weblog for anyone who wants to seek out out about this topic. You realize a lot its virtually exhausting to argue with you (not that I truly would need
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Smoking Dope makes you a good parent? Seriously? Having come from a family with a heroin addict as a sister (she’s 49 now and been high everyday since she was 15), I’ve been conditioned to be anti drugs of any type. There is nothing like living with someone who will threaten you, steal everything from you and then emotionally blackmail you just to get their next hit…and then do it again the next day. I’ve never smoked even tobacco, and I only drink at Christmas.
About a decade ago, a family moved into the house across the road with 2 kids. They were a gorgeous family that were all obviously very happy and outwardly nice people and seemingly very good parents, despite being stoned every day. One day the mother hopped into the car to take her 2 girls to school after a big night. They never made it. The mother and one of her kids died on the way in a car accident. She went to sleep at the wheel and drove into the front of somebody’s house. The other child lived and 3 months later was back at home living with her dad – minus her left leg. This girl is 17 now, still living at home, good looking girl, no job, no leg and now a stoner too. Drugs and alcohol affect your judgement and despite your best intentions, if you are stoned around kids, one day you are going to stuff up big time, despite how warm and fuzzy they make you feel towards them.
I know this is going to sound like I’m stepping into “urban legend” territory, but here are two first hand stories to make you stop and think. You don’t have to be a long term user to suffer serious mental issues. My boss’s son at 15 was playing Junior Rugby League for NSW, doing very well at school and had everything going for him. At school, some friends got him to try some pot and it quickly became a daily habit. 3 months later he was picked up by police walking naked down the middle of a freeway at midnight, mumbling about Jesus and Angels. In the space of a few months, he had become a full blown Schitzo. He is on (and off) pills now to control it, but has major troubles counting past ten or concentrating enough to read a simple sign. He was one of the unlucky ones with the disposition to go crazy after a couple of puffs. My second story is about a young (28) girl who used to sit in the desk in front of me at work. Very straight laced, gentle and nieve girl. She was getting married soon and some of the more outgoing girls at work took her out for a “girls night out”. At some nightclub in town, one of the girls encouraged her to pop a pill (supposedly ecstasy). This was the first time she had ever done something like this. Whatever was in the pill caused her to have major delusions and she was seeing demons by the end of the night and ended up in Shell Harbour Menal hospital for a week. She tried to come back to work a month later, but it was quite obvious she had had some sort of nervous breakdown. She would start crying uncontrollably for no reason throughout the day, even with medication. She eventually had to leave work and a year later was still having problems. If I hadn’t seen it for myself, I never would have believed that one pill could screw you over like that.
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Ummm. Do you realise that different drugs have different effects? Do you realise that most drugs are not addictive but often the people who take them are screwed up so they self medicate. If you go to that gov web site you’ll find that heroine is the second worst drug. Alcohol the 7th worst and marijuana the 11th
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My mum took a cocktail of sedatives when we were growing up. Maybe if she’d had a cone or a glass of wine ( two things not permissible in my faith) – she might have mellowed her anxiety and depression and enjoyed our childhoods. I genuinely don’t understand so many angry comments on this article – remove the connotation of marijuana as an illegal drug and were back to judging other women. Isn’t it time to get one with your own parenting rather than take time out to judge how other women do it? Wine, weed, cigarettes, chocolate biscuits, antidepressants, gym classes – don’t we all have that thing that we rely on to ‘keep our sanity’, for that personal time out everyone craves?
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OMG definitely do not want that mother around my child, wacked off her face, staring vacantly at a page on a children’s book. Weird. Bad enough that she gets away with doing drugs arouond her own kids. NO WAY hosea, do we need drugs around kids.
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I think you mean jose. Also I suppose it’s ok to drink around your children but not have a cone? Hypocrisy.
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I disagree with the last statement in the article: my parents were (and still are!) habitual marijuana smokers and, while I don’t agree with it, I never noticed the difference growing up. It wasn’t until I was about 11 that I started to realise what was going on, but by that point it was normal: it’s not like everyone was high off their faces like some mainstream portrayals of weed smokers. I’m super straight-laced myself when it comes to drugs and alcohol, but there’s something comforting about the smell of marijuana: like fresh baked cookies and, well, childhood…
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Are these parents serious???? If it were poor parents in department of housing properties we would look at it differently, if you need to smoke to engage with your kids maybe you should put them in daycare so they can play with people not off their faces, this is ridiculous and just because the parents in the article are middle class this does not make their behavior safe for children.
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I hope all the outraged people don’t drink or smoke. Because both of those kill more people than any other type of drug being mentioned. I am not condoning drug use either by the way, but some people don’t realise that if you smoke cigarettes, you are an addict too. Exposing children to cigarette smoke can eventually cause life threatening diseases.
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Parents who are using pot are using very flimsy arguements that sound a lot like addict speak “I am a better parent when I am stoned”(anyone heard “I am a better driver when I am drunk”? )
AH – no you are not a better parent – you are a stoned parent who is using drugs to cope instead of using and modelling appropriate and healthy strategies for coping with stress.
Parents who smoke dope around their kids are not being good parents, they are being people with problems and responsibilites who are choosing not to face them.
Parents who use drugs around their kids should be reported to child services, this is because you cannot parent well, safely and responsibley when stoned.
If you cannot engage in the task of driving a car, you definately are not up for the job of parenting children.
I beg you on behalf of your children – get some help. Get it now, ring your GP and tell them you have a drug problem and get some professional help immediately.
If you dont think this is nessecary, ask yourself “why?”. “why do I need this”? be honest and please do one thing : READ ALL THE POSTS FROM THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN AFFECTED BY BEING PARENTED BY DRUG USING PARENTS. You cant deny it – its a problem.
If you drink around your kids – read the above again.
Finally – you dont need to be a drug user to be a poor parent, it just means you are more likely to be not parenting to your best ability if you are using drugs.
with or without drugs people can neglect and miss their childrens needs. It seems that using drugs just increases your chances of not only missing your childrens immediate needs, but also missing the chance to teach them good coping skills.
No matter how you sugar coat, justify it, drugs and alcohol are not good for families.
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I’d like to introduce all these parents to my ex-boyfriend, who grew up in a pot smoking household. When his brother died, the idea of smoking weed to cope with it seemed perfectly acceptable (afterall, he’d seen his parents – his role models – do it plenty of times). Apart from being too stoned to function and dropping out of school etc, once the weed stopped working he went onto harder drugs. Plus like minds have a way of just getting together, so his friends were also stoners. Last I heard he was doing a lot of meth. Thank God I got out of there. His brother would be horrified.
I blame his parents. They should never have made him think that it was ok to use a substance like that to “cope” or “enjoy life”.
And anyone who thinks their kids won’t find out is kidding themselves. His parents tried to hide it, but you have to put the stuff somewhere, and kids are a lot smarter than you give them credit for.
I detest parents who take drugs around their children. He had such a bright future, and irresponsible parenting robbed him of it. Infuriating.
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Is this seriously one of the most ridiculous articles ever posted by Mamamia? Come on Lucy how many mothers are seriously having a choof while looking after kids? One in perhaps 1,000,000? This sort of rubbish wouldn’t make it to a printed magazine and you guys claim to be “better” than a magazine.
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Thanks for the comment
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In my own circle of respectable middle class families I was surprised to recently come across three parents doing exactly what this article is talking about. It made me wonder how others are secretly use it? You may be surprised at how common this is.
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You seriously think its 20ish parents in Australia?? You’re usually pretty on the ball, TM, what’s going on? I didn’t think you were that naive.
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What happens if the police find out? You could end up in jail!
How’s that for good parenting?
Also, I always think of what horrible places the drugs are coming from and which low-life gun toting scumbag’s wage am I paying by supporting such an industry?
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How’s this for a story: my mother never drank, never smoked – a teetotaller – and was still a shit mother. She was so absent that she didn’t even notice that her husband was sexually molesting her eldest daughter.
To the judgemental “I never smoke, I never drink, it’s just SO wrong” goody-two- shoers, one thing: the only people who have the right to tell you whether you are a good or a bad parent are your own children.
If I were to judge by my own experience, as so many on here seem to do, it’d be YOU that I’d judge as the bad parents.
And to the writer of the piece, Lucy , it was your questioning that incited such ignorant, self-righteous and judgemental responses. A much more thought-provoking and helpful line of questioning would have been: what do you do to help you get through the tedium of parenting?
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Just because you had a shit mother who had no excuse for being one, it doesn’t mean the commenters on this post are wrong in their judgement that regularly smoking pot in front of your children is poor parenting. People are allowed to have opinions, and there is nothing self righteous or ignorant about believing that recreational drugs and parenting don’t mix… the only ignorance is coming from people who believe they can justify it.
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After reading some of the comments to this article, I’m kind of amazed at the anger that people feel about adults who take recreational drugs. Approx 75% of high school students in Australia will take recreational drugs before they graduate. So the odds are that your kids will be trying them and you know what? Drugs are fun whether you like it, use them or not. So I suggest rather than being antagonistic about it, learn more about the type of drugs your kids will be taking so you can be more helpful to them rather than putting heads in sand. Your kids are likely to be users at one time or another, so find ways to be supportive and understanding, rather than angry.
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Just wanting to clarify that I don’t mean to condone the amount of drugs in high schools these days, and I can see how it may look like I am. The figures are much bigger than when I was at school. They are scary and I just hope that I’ll be helpful to my kids when the time comes rather than reactive.
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Hi Desert girl,
Unfortunately the media presents us with alarming depictions of young people and drug use. In addition, people often look at the behaviours of a small group of people they have known and ignore the bigger picture of what is going on around them.
To say that 75% of high school students will take recreational drugs before they graduate is a gross misrepresentation.
Could i please direct you to the following report – http://www.nationaldrugstrategy.gov.au/internet/drugstrategy/publishing.nsf/Content/2C4E3D846787E47BCA2577E600173CBE/$File/school08.pdf
A quick summary-
The illicit drug using population of Australia has remained fairy steady over the last 30 years with the percentage of illicit users varying from 13 – 16% on average. Across 12- 18 year olds 4% used cannabis in the previous week and only 14% had reported using it at some stage in their lives – mostly on the odd occasion, experimentally.
Despite sensational headlines most Australian adults and young people make safe and healthy choices.
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Hahaha – i do have to laugh at anyone who puts any weight into a study that asks teenagers to admit to drug use… ridiculous!
From personal experience, i went to an upper class all girls high school. At least 50% of the girls had tried drugs and at least 30% used regularly. When i went to college the level of regular users increased. It was more like “you dont smoke? really? like, you really dont smoke or you just dont have any? ill shout you a session if you like’
When i left college and entered the workforce 1st job, 8 employees, 4 smoked pot. 2nd job, over 300 employees, of the ones i met at least half smoked pot. 3rd job, 14 employees 7 smoked pot including an award winning BRW’s fast 100 winning CEO… 4th job 10 employees, 8 smoke pot…
When i fell pregnant with my first son i literally left ALL my friends behind because i wanted to give up smoking pot and having them around was too much temptation. Over the next 12 months i met a new group of friends – through mothers group, new neighbours and work.. guess what – they smoked POT!
It is alot more prevalent then any study is ever going to show…
But not only that. I bought my first home when i was 18, ive been continually employed full time since leaving school, i started my own business 6 months ago and am already turning clients away, my son has never seen me stoned, nor has he ever seen any type of drug or implement, he is now 9 and has no idea what drugs are (until his school friends inform him in the not too distant future im assuming).
I am a success, my son is a success, my business is a success and i smoke pot…
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The study is legitimate, it is anonymous and there are questions in the study designed to show anomalies and misreporting.
It’s all very reputable.
If you chose to ignore it or “laugh” that’s your prerogative and good luck to you if it helps you justify your own behaviour.
I would think though that many of the comments people have written on this post might also indicate that most people are not smoking pot nor are they comfortable with people parenting while stoned.
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I think it needs to be stated that there is a difference between someone who has cone after cone and smokes themselves into oblivion (that sort of use has no place around parenting) and people who have a small smoke (singular) to take the edge off and can function to a normal standard. I think lots of the comments are not taking this difference into account and are perhaps from people who don’t understand that not all pot smokers are wanting to wipe themselves out with each smoke.
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Wow, I don’t even take night time cold and flu tablets when I’m sick in case one of my kids need me in the middle of the night! The justifications people have made for smoking pot with kids around just don’t make any sense to me….
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Your cross is in the mail.
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Thanks Shell that made me laugh! Seriously though, being a responsible parent isn’t a cross to bear for me. Love my kids, love my life and don’t need drugs to feel better about myself.
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Who can find Wally even when they’re sober?
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my husband has a friend he used to go to school with who has a fairly serious dexamphetamine addiction. he and his wife use them most weekends and even the next day to get through having to take the kids out or just survive after no sleep. i don’t know them very well, we just caught up with them after being away overseas. now my husband was mates with him post-school and certainly used his fair share of drugs with this guy. so i guess he sort of expected that my husband would be ok with it. it freaks me out that they are doing this but especially when they have to care for their kids the next day. his wife is a psychologist which seems really odd to me (always happy to give me advice too). it really shocked me that such a conservative seeming couple have such a full-on druggie life. i think at bigger events, parties, new years they use even harder drugs.
does anyone have any experience with this? is dexamphetamine use pretty common now? i am not sure if maybe i am just a nanna before my time and everyone does this for a buzz??
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Dexamphetamine? Is he getting an illegal script? Cos we used to give it to our son for ADHD. I do know of kids with this taking it to school and selling it to their mates etc, but it hasnt got as much punch as methamphetamine and that’s fairly cheap to get, along with ice which is even stronger. The high school nurses I know have said that the kids are more commonly taking speed and pills these days and their schoolwork and social interaction at the beginning of the week suffers accordingly, as they come down.
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Yep, dexedrine is massively used, as it’s legal. It’s very easy to get a prescription, and I know of a doctor (friend of a friend) who prescribes it to anyone to asks for it. Those people then sell it to friends as an extra way to make money. From what I understand, it’s like speed. I’ve seen people on it (never had it myself) and they behave in the same way as people who’ve had a hit of speed. It’s getting more popular, because as I said, it’s a legal drug. Having said that, I’d never heard of it before February of this year, but since I’ve been made aware of it, it seems to be everywhere!
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Dexamphetamine is NOT that easy to get. GPs are not meant to prescribe this S8 drug more than once, or without a diagnosable condition. They also need to call the prescribing board before they even write the script.It is the domain of paediatricians and psychiatrists for this very reason. Your doctor friend is breaking his own ethical code and hopefully will come undone some day.
Dexedrine is just a trade name for dexamphetamine. It is a weaker brother of methamphetamine, which is illegal speed. It’s used for ADHD or narcolepsy. It used to be used as diet pills in the 50s, but was found to be highly addictive. Kids that are taking dex have been know to sell it at school, often to get in good at school as many of them are unpopular, but the problem is that you can’t buy it more than once a month and of course, their behaviour suffers if they’re not taking their meds.
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Yeah, I know that Dexedrine is the trade name of dexamphetamine and who it’s supposed to be used for, and I agree completely, my friend’s doctor is doing something illegal, immoral and unethical. I have no idea as to how he manages to continue to prescribe this stuff to my friend, who believe me does not need it at all, he sells it to supplement his income (also not exactly toeing the line of morality either, but there you are). Presumably he’s ‘diagnosed’ my friend in some way, shape or form.
Having said that, whenever I’ve asked other friends who have nothing to do with the first whether they’ve heard of the stuff, they all seemed to know what it was, and while just about everyone that I hang out with hasn’t bothered with any sort of chemical enhancement since their twenties, lots of them knew someone who took it themselves. It just seemed extraordinary to me because I’d never heard of the stuff before about February, but now when I ask others, it seems to be everywhere.
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Don’t you love the way stories about drug use are reported?
Let’s just look at the details, as reported in the Herald Sun article referenced in this piece.
The 2012 UN World Drug Report.
Here is a quite from the article:
“The report states that cannabis is the most widely used illicit substance across the globe, with the highest prevalence of use among Australians and New Zealanders.
Between 9.1 and 14.6 per cent of the population use the drug, compared to the estimated annual worldwide usage of 2.6 to 5.0 per cent.
The report, which mostly relies from statistics gathered in 2010, says that while cocaine use has decreased in North America, its use is up a full percentage point in Australia with 1.5 to 1.9 per cent of the population using the drug.
Ecstasy use in Australian declined from 3.7 per cent to 3.0 percent between 2007 and 2010, but this might be explained by the fact Australia reported more ecstasy lab busts than any other country.”
Just look at the statistics and flip them before you start to think that Mummy Stoners are common is Australia- between 9.1% and 14.6% of Australian population are smoking pot or, if you look at it another way, between 91.9% and 85.4% ARE NOT!
So, of the percentage of Australians who are smoking pot, how many of us are women of child bearing age??? How many women actually are “a mummy and stoned”.
Whilst I have no doubt there are some, many more than a few, let’s be careful how we interpret statistics and avoid making illicit drug use sound “normalised” when for most people, most “mummies” it is not.
Just a thought
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Wow this post is a real eye opener, I had no idea how naive I am! I’m 20 years old and have never ever smoked pot, been around people who are smoking or been friends with people who regularly smoke. I can’t believe that some people would smoke pot while looking after children. How can you possibly make complicated responsible decisions while out of it. Not to mention the image its sending to your children that breaking the law is ok. I’m sorry but I have no qualms about judging anyone who chooses to smoke pot if you have children.
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Helena, you are not naive, you are in the majority.
See above
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And I have no qualms about judging people who make silly uninformed generalisations.
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I am totally naive too as I am shocked that people think it’s OK to take illegal drugs when they’re meant to be parenting. I would call the DCS on any of my friends if I found out they were stoned with children in their care. I actually would.
Grow up, and take some responsibility.
Your children are worth it. Or they’re meant to be.
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You’d call the DCS? Take a good hard look at yourself….please.
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at this stage of my life I would have to call myself a pot smoker. I haven’t always been, I only started in my mid 30′s. Will I enjoy a quiet smoke for the rest of my life? I don’t know, but, probably not.
Do I drink alcohol? Not really. But I have in the past. I drank more than I care to remember in my late teens and early 20′s, and virtually stopped by the time I turned 30.
Just as my likes and interests change and evolve, no doubt my habits will too.
But hey, I’m human, I’m still learning and am far from perfect.
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Just like most things in life abit of common sense and moderation is required. Getting totally smashed is just as unacceptable as drinking a bottle of bourbon.
For every alcoholic parent out there, there are many more that can enjoy alcohol sensibly and in moderation. No doubt there are many parents who can enjoy a smoke sensibly and in moderation.
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I know Im going to cop it for the following, but really bring it on.
My group of mummy friends is varied, but almost ALL of us smoke. ALMOST ALL OF US.
We do it for a variety of reasons, but mainly to take the edge off, we dont get trashed, we dont use other drugs, we rarely drink. I have mummy friends who drink, often to excess. I would rather be stoned than choke on my own vomit like one friend has. Sounds like Im a white trash bogan, I know. Most of you will probably think I am regardless of what I say, to be honest I dont really care.
Yes I cant drive, but I have neighbours or the ambulance for an emergency.
I have more fun with my kids, Im more creative with my kids and I know they have more fun with me when I smoke. I have been told by them that they like it better when Im not grumpy, and Im not yelling and Im not listening, all things I do if I havent had a smoke.
So I will keep smoking, and when my kids start asking questions about drinking and drugs, I will be honest and say Yep I smoke, and so does this mum and this mum and this mum……
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I quote “they like it better when Im not grumpy, and Im not yelling and Im not listening, all things I do if I havent had a smoke.” – I hate to state the obvious, but you have a problem if the only time you are happy is when you’ve used. Classic addict speak. “The only time I am ok is when I’ve used.”
I really think you need to look at that.
Also, “I have neighbours or the ambulance for emergency” – I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s either of their responsibility to come to your children’s rescue if you are too stoned to deal with them yourself. It’s yours.
Seriously? Are you stoned right now? You sure sound like you are.
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Actually Im not stoned right now, but I was just wondering, how many people are reading this thread, saying “smokers are addicts and bad parents” with their second or maybe third glass of wine sitting next to the computer? Probably more of you than you would care to admit.
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I really don’t think you can compare the effects from a few glasses of wine with smoking pot. Speaking from experience, the two effects are poles apart!
As I said previously, given the fact that illicit drugs are just that – illicit and without any regulation, you don’t know what you are actually smoking. Pot comes in many different strengths, so how can you be certain enough that you are going to be in the right state of mind to look after your children properly? You can”t. And so therein debunks your argument that drinking and smoking pot are no better than each other – most mothers would surely be mature and seasoned enough in alcohol consumption – which is legal – to trust the tried and tested reaction a glass or two has on them to be comfortable drinking whilst their children are in their care (to be clear, I am not talking about those who binge drink, which is just as concerning to me as pot smoking). That’s not something you can be sure of smoking pot. I really don’t know how you can take a chance like that as a mother.
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Oh Kristine, you are absolutely right – They are poles apart. One glass of wine and I am on the floor and that’s the thing, it isn’t just once glass of wine for a lot of these people. I have left THREE mothers groups because all they were interested in was heading over to one of the houses for a drink (more bottles consumed than there were people) between school drop off and pick up.
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I applaud your honesty, and while I don’t smoke (now) I don’t think that regular smoking would have an effect on my parenting, apart from calming me down.
Having been both a regular smoker and drinker in the past, I can say that being a regular smoker has FAR less effect on me than regular drinking…the people who say any different have probably tried pot once or twice and sure, the first couple of times you use it, it does have quite an effect.
I always found it interesting how people judge pot smokers so harshly, and what people say to me now, who don’t know that I was a daily smoker a few years ago.
It’s not that big of a deal. I would much rather find out my nanny (I work part time) had a joint in the PM than half a bottle of wine.
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Wow, this comment really disgusts me. The fact that you plan to/already have? normalized illegal drug use for your children is disturbing. Where do you plan to draw the line with illegal drugs or activities for your kids? I imagine it would be difficult to say “yes you can smoke this, but not this and this and this”, even though they all fall under the same and illegal umbrella.
I agree with Kristine, the fact that you and your children believe you are a better version of yourself when using substances sounds like addict talk, plain and simple.
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Hit the nail on the head coco Chanelle!!
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What a shame you have taught your kids to only like you when your wasted. Get some help and give yourself and your kids a chance a real relationship.
You will regret this when your kids are either using drugs because you have normalized it and they get in trouble. You will regret this when your kids are in therapy trying to work though their issues related to their drug using mother. Check out the posts from the adult child’s of weed smokers.
Millions of parents manage to listen to their kids, not yell and be fun without being stoned, you can too but you need to get some help. I feel so sorry for you and I do sincerely hope you can change this.
Ps I have a glass of soda water next to me. My husband and I never drink during the week and moderately on a fri/ sat night. The example we set our children is more important than our need to use alcohol to destress. I don’t want my kids to learn that is the way to handle life.
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Great, well-made points!
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I can’t believe you think it is okay to smoke pot while looking after your children! I am not naive- I have smoked my fair share of pot during my late teens and twenties among other things… All of that stopped completely once I had children. I already worry about what they are going to be exposed to when they are teenagers because I have done, it all myself. I KNOW that taking drugs around children would be totally wrong and that I wouldn’t be able to look after them sufficiently- it’s ILLEGAL for god’s sake! I KNOW that I would not be a good parent if I took drugs. Being fun does not make you a better parent. Sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind for the sake of our
kids’ future! You need help, love. What you are doing is not ok and I can’t help but think you secretly know this otherwise you wouldn’t have posted…
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I kind of wish we would legalize and control it myself.
Apart from the fact that it has great pain relief properties and can help with the nausea and loss of appetite associated with chemotherapy.
I would like to see the criminal element taken away from production and supply and some sort of quality control
Yes, it has side effects such as psychological addiction and the potential to affect mental health, but is alcohol, which is also addictive and can lead tony number of social problems any better?
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This is so timely because a few weeks ago I returned from a couple of days away without my children. Long story short, I happened to bring home in addition to my dirty laundry, a couple of joints. I didn’t have any intention of ever smoking them at home on my return – and to be clear, this was a random once in a decade time I’d had one and my oldest child is 9. They came home with me because I thought there might be an occasion like a party where I could bring one out to be enjoyed with friends. So a couple of days after I got home, I snuck out and had some of a joint by myself and my children were tucked up safely in their beds, their father was home, sober and able to deal with any emergencies (yes, I had thought of the implications ‘in case of an emergency’.). After I smoked some of the joint, I sat down and watched some TV and the way I felt, I would NEVER EVER again smoke a joint while I was anywhere near my children. I was out of it and I knew that I was not in any state to care, properly, for my children. I really don’t believe you can be under the influence of pot when you need to communicate with your children. The pot that I smoked that night was exactly the same as I had smoked and enjoyed while I was away, so it wasn’t some pot induced freak out that had me paranoid about being stoned at home. The next morning I happily flushed the remaining pot down the toilet.
I drink a glass of wine or two with dinner most nights and you absolutely can not compare the effects of the two.
The other thing to bear in mind is that pot comes in many strengths and because of the lack of regulation, you never know what effect it will have on you. Some is mild and some of it can really make you lose your shit. Why would anyone take the chance of what effect what you’ve bought will have on you when you buy it from some shady dealer?
I’m speaking from experience when I say that pot and children do not mix. Thinking otherwise? Then you’re probably stoned.
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Well said kristine
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Once you smoke pot more regularly your body tolerates it so it doesn’t affect you as strongly, so in fact if someone were to smoke a joint every day it would eventually be the same as drinking every day (you can also build up a tolerance to alcohol).
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*meant to be Queen Victoria
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Interesting, would certainly not advocate using drugs myself. Unfortunately regular marijuana usage has proven to be highly addictive, cause people to lack motivation and can trigger mental illness such as schizophrenia. I think it is a little different to unwinding with a glass of wine in moderation. If children see adults smoking drugs will they then think it is ok to try any sort of drugs later on such as meth or heroin? I have read some interesting articles lately on the rise in prescription drug usage as well as a stress reliever. Worrying stats. I think people forget that addiction leads to tolerance which leads to upping their ‘fix’ to a new level to compensate and achieve the same feeling or high. Cancer, liver and kidney damage are also very real side effects. I am a health professional and see this first hand in patients who often started as casual users. Each to their own but not something I would like to do in front of my son.
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Please direct me to this “proof’ of weed being highly addictive.
Also, you seem to be referring to weed as a gateway drug, which, again, there is no proof for.
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Ayra, it took my best friend a year of psychologist visits and 2 years of anti-depressants to stop a decade-long habit (from late teens to late 20s).
It was a gateway drug for both my brother and I. We started using pot when we were 12 that we stole from our parents as they were regular smokers. It took me until my late 20s/early 30s to pull myself out of the drug binge we went on. I despair at my wasted youth, the time I could have been focusing on other things and achieving and feeling good about myself instead of ending up depressed, losing my best friends and suicidal. To pretend that pot has no consequences is ignorant. There is a reason it (like cigarettes and heavy alcohol use) should be discouraged around children.
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You refer to it being a gateway drug for you and going on a drug binge, I assume that means that you binged on drugs other than (and perhaps including) weed?
In another comment here I referred to the “proof” of weed being a gate way drug as anecdotal, and your story is exactly that. I’m not saying that it isn’t valid or anything, but the implication of it being a gateway is that a large majority of people who start with weed will end up becoming addicted to mush harder drugs such as meth. Anecdotes are not evidence that this happens to a majority of people who smoke weed and as there are few to no studies that show any significant evidence for this, then technically there is no proof. I’m not saying it is definitely NOT a gateway drug, just that there is no evidence that it is.
Also, I never stated that “pot has no consequences”. Of course it does, it is a mind altering substance. However, the negative consequences are minimal compared to every other type of drug (including alcohol and tobacco).
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People who smoke pot don’t necessarily move on to other drugs, but people who end up on other drugs always started with “just pot”. Can’t remember who said that, but it rings true to me.
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a drug, by definition in the oxford dictionary is ‘a medicine or other substance which has a physiological effect when ingested or otherwise introduced into the body’
lots of comments recommend going to a GP or psychologist.. these practitioners often will prescribe a vast range of anti depressant drugs and mood altering drugs, such as Valium, Lithium, Xanax, Diazepam and the like. these are all drugs. with often far more serious side effects than marijuana, a medicinal herb which has been grown and used for centuries.. even Queen Elizabeth used it for menstrual pain relief, presumably while she was in company of children!
if you don’t think people should do drugs around children, then you better not be supporting allopathic medicine either, as prescription medicinal drugs are responsible for far more horror stories!!
it all comes down to personal preference.. i guess lots of parents are in horror over the mention of a bit of weed, but would readily shove any drug their doctor on a pedestal gives them in their own or their childrens throats/arms etc
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Actually, psychologists will not prescribe antidepressants. Psychologists cannot legally prescribe any form of medication.
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You are right, sunlight (oh it rhymes!), only psychiatrists can prescribe medication. Very commonly confused.
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GP’s prescribe a range of medications for mental health.
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Sorry, I meant as opposed to psychologists. Of course GPs can, how silly of me not mention it.
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Why compare? Legal or non legal if you needs drugs to cope you have a problem.
I see plenty of issues with Valium, Mersyndol, Alcohol, OxyContin, Restvit, Nurofen Plus.
Overuse of anything is a problem. Even food.
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That all may be true but in a society where marijuana use in teens causes and escalates many social problems it would be irresponsible for any parent to model/advocate use of it. I’ve worked in the social welfare sector for kids and have seen many kids harmed in various ways by parents who smoke weed. The problem is that ANY drug use can shift from recreational/occasional to addictive/escapist in a very insidious way. Plus, your example of prescription drugs has one major flaw – at least, in those cases, people have access to a wide selection of professionals to help them monitor it’s use. If a prescription drug doesn’t agree with you, then you can communicate with your health professional (or find one who will) so that an alternative can be found. Who monitors ongoing marijuana use and the possible health effects? Who can you go to?
I have no problem if adults choose to smoke weed when they’re childless. I smoked plenty before I was a parent. But it’s a reckless choice when they become parents. As is taking any illegal, unmonitored drug. Personally, I feel that drinking more than the widely advertised daily/weekly recommendations is irresponsible for parents as well. Addiction and escape from the challenging realities of living is so common for people – who wants to see their child fall into that rut? How can you hope they don’t if the parent doesn’t either?
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The lack of supervision is exactly why weed should be at least decriminalised, so that people could talk to their GP about it without feeling like they’re going to be thrown in gaol.
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Ayra, you can talk to your GP about it, no problem at all. I’ve previously worked in addiction services and whether you have a problem with heroin, pot, meth, whatever, your GP can’t report you. They will support you and refer you to the appropriate services.
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Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that people WILL get sent to gaol, I just wanted to explain that it is the perception that they will. But it’s good to know that people can get help without being incriminated.
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I’d bet there are a lot more mums (and dads let’s not forget) who are incapable due to excessive alcohol than due to too much weed. Parenting is the hardest job there is and I’m not going to judge anyone who has a quiet smoke after the kids have gone to bed anymore than I would someone who sinks exhausted onto the couch with a glass of red – in either case the downside is minimal and the updside great. But anyone who is incapable due to abusing substances of any sort, well I become a total welfare cutting kid taking away Nazi.
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Lung cancer, anyone. Pot is often mixed with tobacco and any other carcinogenic matter. Not to mention second hand smoke around babies (some parents think the child is too young to notice). Disgusting and irresponsible.
I also agree with Jay (below) the events connected with the seedy drug selling business makes me feel sick. I don’t want to be contributing to someone else’s likely unhappiness.
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Marijuana is considered likely to be carcinogenic even when not mixed with tobacco.
But alcohol is carcinogenic too. Just sayin’.
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As someone whose parents smoked pot regularly I can say, without a doubt, it fucked me up in more ways than one. It’s not a benign drug and even ‘recreational’ use was bad. It was a gateway drug for my brother and I in our teens (the old, ‘if you can, I can’ argument plus the availability of stealing little bits at a time from them – at 12 years old).
I won’t go on (because I could write a novel about this and the things it both lead to and taught me), suffice to say I will never, ever smoke pot or do drugs/ heavy drinking around my kids. Ever.
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I’d really like to hear about this Anon. I don’t suppose you could write a post (anonymous if needed) for MM on this, if they’d take it?
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I guess it’s sad that she hasn’t worked out how to deal with stress without resorting to drugs (pot/alcohol)…..
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Heres a thought – kids are hard work.
Need to take the edge off? Feeling anxious, depressed or stressed – go to your GP, speak to a therapist, ring a friend but don’t smoke drugs around your kids! don’t drink alcohol around your kids.
Being a parent is hard, it messy, it is boring, is is uncomfortable in a million ways!!! But if you are willing to experience parenting for all it’s pleasure and pain, the rewards are endless, worthwhile and of more value than you could ever put a price on. That would be shaping, guiding and building a child towards a wonderful adulthood.
Kids know, they figure it out. When you drink and smoke to avoid the discomfort of parenting you teach them a terrible habit – avoid things if it’s too hard. Use drugs and alcohol to tolerate the experience. It may not always go badly, but the potential for it to wrong is now there.
Teach your children resilience, tolerance, the value of things that are hard to do but worthwhile, how to reach out for help and support if it all overwhelming, you won’t teach that by smoking weed around them.
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Well said!
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It is up to the individual what they do behind closed doors, unfortuantly I do know of a woman who has a only child and has joked how she is addicted to it as she has been smoking every day for 3 months she also smokes pipes in the car and smokes them going to work on her way from work and really has no sense of reality, I think as long as you are not like her and are responsible, do it in moderation and don’t let your kids see go for it.
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I am in my mid 40s and have smoked pot all my life, even when I was bringing up my kids. One of them is grown up and the others are young teens. All are happy, healthy high achievers.
I am in a senior role in the media industry and suppose what you’d call successful in my career.
I have a joint and a glass or two of wine most nights, usually with my partner, sometimes on my own. I use it to reflect, relax and come down from the daily stress and pressure of my job.
I’m not addicted, it doesn’t turn me into a dysfunctional bitch and it certainly doesn’t – and never has – interfered with my ability to be a parent.
As habits go, this is a pretty benign one.
I know my case won’t be typical of everyone but I think it’s important to provide another perspective on this from someone who is speaking from experience.
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“I am in my mid 40s and have smoked pot all my life,”
“I have a joint and a glass or two of wine most nights”
“I’m not addicted, ”
uh huh, yep not addicted
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Nope, not addicted. There are times when I can go a week without a smoke. Don’t miss it. Might think, “a smoke might be nice”, but I’m not about to go into withdrawal. Note I also have a glass or two of wine most nights. Does that make me an alcoholic?
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I’d like to hear what your kids have to say.
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We may not hear from her children, but we have heard from adult children of weed smokers and none of hem have anything good to say about it. I would encourage any of the parents on this discussion who use any substance to survive parenting or de stress to ake a long ard honest look at heir behavior and consider some other options. My job is littered with adults who are scarred because of their parents substance use. Not junkies, not hobos – middle class drug addicts. Drug addicts and alcholics that can afford their drugs and alcohol and still dress well.
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I don’t bring it up with them, they don’t bring it up with me. Apart from that they seem pretty well adjusted. I think we are all being a tad melodramatic.
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Not melodramatic, just real. I am a psychologist and the most common theme for people’s distress is their parents substance use and how it made them feel as children. Sorry, that’s the truth
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And yes alcohol is the worst offender without a doubt, with the stoners coming a close second, followed by religious fanatics. What they all have in common is this: avoidance, excuses and putting self before family. Also teaching their children they are not good enough. Need to be drunk, need to be stoned, need to repent. Everything you sends a message to your children – from the subtle to the overt. So get drugs and alcohol out of those messages for a start!!!
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I challenge you to bring it up with them and see what they have to say. Maybe there is a reason they have never brought it up with you…
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C’mon Mel…leave Milly alone…she sounds like fun!..savvy and successful….have a joint Mel….it’ll make you smile…promise.xx
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How long can you go without it? and what are you like when you cant get it?
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Bloody good question. My partner used to smoke a very weak joint or two most nights (before we had kids), along with a couple of glasses of wine. He is also a very successful professional. But, if he didn’t smoke for a week, he would hit a big wall, and become very low and moody. He became ultra-sensitive and a bit argumentative (he’s usually a very peaceable guy). I eventually called it and he thought about it and quit, for good. He was in denial for quite a while about the fact that the rise and fall of his moods were dependent on his (relatively mild) pot-use. I think it can be a slippery slope and whilst there may be some people who can just smoke the odd, rare joint, there are many more who are prone to become regular in their usage than they might admit…
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I was recently overseas for three weeks and abstained. No problemo.
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“And I’ve never had a glass of wine and been captivated by children’s books like I have after smoking. Staring at a page for God only knows how long, I caught myself saying very seriously, “Where is Waldo? I don’t think he’s in this one. Is he definitely always in it?””
Made me laugh out loud at work. Hahahaha
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I find this pretty shocking. Back in my uni days I use to get into the greens. Sometimes just quick puff sometimes more. Honestly, even after just one puff I was completely incapable of making any sound judgements. There’s the giggling fits, the munchies and getting distracted by the tiniest random thing while blocking out everything else that’s going on around you. How can that be safe for a child? What if there was a medical emergency and you need to perfom cpr?
The only thing these Mum’s seem to be advocating is the ‘fun’ side of it. Of course it would be more entertaining playing and reading stories but what about if something needs your serious attention?
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My friend is a total pot head mum and it does effect here parenting as she is too stoned to really participate in their lives. The slurred words, vacant look, the couch potato-ness of it all.
That does not even take into account those people who pots triggers schizophrenia in.
I hate pot, what it has done to my brother and my friend
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I’ve never met a stoned person who slurred their words. Are you sure they weren’t having a stroke?
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What amazes me, is it is not just the actual ‘being stoned’ moment that should be considered, it’s the moodiness, the grouchies and the walking on eggshells around the regular pot users that is just as relevent. Not so chilled when they’re not stoned, but they never see that, never, they think they are the essence of cool and chill. It’s not fair on the kids to put up with an ‘out of it’ parent. It is not fair on the kids to put up with the mental issues and grumpiness when they are not ‘out of it’ either. I was never little miss innocent when i was younger, but when you reach your 30′s, wow you sure can pick a pot head a mile away.
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I totally agree. Each to their own, but, in my experience (my ex was a breakfast + bong type of guy), stoners are not so much fun when they aren’t high.
People with a serious habit (and yes, you CAN get addicted to weed) can be awful, moody, snappy and antagonistic when not stoned.
Like anything in life, moderation is the answer, but a daily weed and babysitting habit sounds a bit off to me….
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An ex-partner was a regular pot smoker. Fine when he was smoking; very difficult, irritable and inflexible when he was straight.
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When I watched the Underbelly series and had a think about the type of people and events connected with drug selling businesses I felt sick that I had ever had a puff.
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I’ve never taken drugs before so I really have no idea. I find it difficult to understand why parents (or anyone really) would do this just as I find it difficult to understand why other parents are perfectly comfortable drinking alcohol (even just 1 or 2) and then driving with their children in the car. It’s not who I am to do those things. I don’t like that I thought this but my first instinct was: this is bad parenting.
I wonder if you would be comfortable coming home from a night out and find that the person watching your kids was stoned or drunk? I also wonder if the same mother’s who smoke pot now would have also smoked it when they were pregnant? If not, why?
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this freaks me out. I am a mum to a 9 month old and am currently going through the potential demise of my relationship with my boys father as he refuses to stop smoking pot. He’s 46 not 26 its our first child and its time to grow up.
I am very up front in saying i am no angel – far from it. I was stoned when he was concieved. But i very strongly believe that it impedes parenting and affects the way you react to your child and not to the better. what do you do if there is an emergency.??? Also all i want to do is chill out and go to sleep – how do you do that with an almost 9 month old???
Many times i have watched my partner get lost in the tv while our son tried to get his attention only to have him get agitated with me when i call him out on it. And lets not mention the time he left bub at his nans and drove off with out the nappy/ bottle bag as he was in a hurry to get to a mates place to get stoned.
I recently had a conversation with a friend about this and apparently pot and the refusal to stop using it has been the cause of more relationship demises amoungst our social circle than i realised. its affect is quite destabilizing on families everywhere.
Most of my friends have smoked alot of pot, and without exception we agree that it is not a good parenting tool. If we have any doubts we look at the children of those we know have been heavy pot smokers. many of them had to be the parent in the relationship and the parent didn’t even realise it. that usually helps make up the mind of any of us who have any doubts about why being a mum and being a stoner don’t mix.
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I absolutely think it is a bad idea to be high around your kids. I cant beleive I even have to write that.
And yes, I have smoked before, so Im not speaking from ignorance, and no I dont drink around my kids at all, so Im not being a hypocrite.
I think youll find that most people saying its ok are people who do it, have done it, or are close to people who do it around kids, because they are trying to justify their behaviour as being ok, and they want people to agree that its ok. Theyll hate me for saying this, and theyll tell me how ignorant I am and how Im making things too black and white etc etc, Ive heard all those arguments before and theyre so predictable, but really its just a justification for their actions – they dont think theyre bad parents (and dont get me wrong, they probably arent bad parents) so they will defend their actions to hell and back if they think people are going to judge them for it.
I also know quite a few people who smoked around their kids when they were small, and the kids are now smokers themselves (all people I knew pre-kids — However judgy you make think it makes me, i wont have these people around my kids as they will think nothing of being high around my children). You *are* passing the behaviour on, whether you choose to acknowledge that or not. And no, not every situation ends up like that, but the cases where it doesnt are the minority, not the norm.
I am yet to meet a pot smoker who is completely competent after having smoked, even a small amount, and I have met a lot of them, of all different backgrounds and social standings. Also, I have yet to meet one who has admitted that – every single one believes they are not impaired by it. Ironically, not realising or acknowledging the effect it has on you is more dangerous than being aware of it and compensating appropriately.
Every pot smoker, same as every drinker and every other drug user, thinks that they and the people they know are the exceptions to the rule (highly functional, no one can tell, etc).
I do not think pot smokers are all bad people. Not at all. And hey if you want to smoke, go out and do it, leave your kids with a babysitter for the night and go and have fun all you like. Same with drinking. I dont know why you would want your kids to see you that way and learn that behaviour is the best coping mechanism. I will only judge you if you do it around your kids, and then try to justify doing it around your kids. If you dont have kids, or you do it away from your children where you dont have to be responsible for them and they dont have to experience/witness it, then go for it with no judgement from me.
And yes, youre right, I am being judgemental. I absolutely judge parents who are high around their kids. And I absolutely judge parents who get drunk around their kids. And I absolutely judge parents who let their children cling to them while they have a cigarette hanging out of their mouth.
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I am actually a recreational user myself; however I am not a parent. It also annoys me to hear people say that they’re not affected, they are. I know I am so I always wait until I know I have no immediate responsibilities before I get high. I agree that it is more dangerous not to acknowledge the effects as the ignorance can cost you. You cannot function at a high level when your brain is impaired by anything (sleep deprivation, alcohol, weed etc.) because these are brain impairing states in their very definition.
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I agree with you 100%
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I personally could not imagine being stoned around my 18mo daughter. For each individual the circumstances are different, but living with depression and chronic fatigue syndrome makes me a pretty boring person most of the time. I’m a plateau of average emotions and feelings. If I got stoned I’d just fall into a very deep sleep, unlike my younger years where I would giggle a whole lot at nothing and have such a pasty mouth that I’d need to drink a river in order to feel quenched. But even then my response time was seriously delayed… I just couldn’t trust in myself that I would be able to be there for her, rather than just be there with her. I think so long as parents are still able to function and respond in a normal time/fashion then I wouldn’t throw stones.
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I am a mum and I used to be a stoner.
I never smoked pot in front of my kids (twins btw) but there was a time when they were about 2 years old that I was often stoned after they woke up from their afternoon nap. Not completely wasted, just a little bit buzzed. It helped me get through the hardest part of the day and, shock horror, I was a highly functioning member of society, without the bloodshot eyes (eyedrops fix everything), that could hold a conversation with my kids and grownups alike, manage to run a business and even went to work and held down a job. I do not live in a lower socio-economic area and most people I know have no idea that I used to smoke. And to top it off NONE of my friends in the city I live in are stoners.
As has been suggested, often those of us that smoke don’t drink, and to be honest back before children when I used to just drink or smoke (I’d rarely mix the two as it was a recipe for disaster) I was in a lot worse state than after a couple of tokes on a joint and I can honestly say I am in a better place after a couple of puffs than after even ONE glass of wine. At the end of his working week my partner drinks a six pack of beer and I can tell you who is more ‘with it’ after consuming their drug of choice. It’s just that his is legal therefore more socially acceptable.
As for driving I don’t understand – there are plenty of people without a vehicle who can’t drive their kids to the hospital if something were to happen. Personally I don’t have access to a car between 7am and 7pm five days a week as my partner uses our nice new family car to drive to work 50kms away. We have a second vehicle but choose not to use it as we live one street away from our family doctor, a 20 min walk from the local supermarket and if we need to get anywhere else including to child care or my workplace I take the bus.
So judge me all you like, but I’m neither ashamed of or sorry for my behaviour. It helped me cope at a time when I needed a little bit of extra help.
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I have a few genuine questions, that if you could answer it might help me understand your situation a little better.
1. If no one knew you were getting stoned, and your friends and locality didnt fit the stereotype, how exactly did you source the drugs? How do you find a dealer if you were the only one getting stoned? Or were you growing for yourself? Im not being narky, Im just fascinated as to how someone gets their hands on something which otherwise would not fit your ‘norm’.
2. If you were really in need of a bit of extra help, were you depressed or struggling, and do you think (in hindsight) you might have been better equipped by speaking to a GP and/or psychologist.
Again, im really not trying to be narky or rude, im just trying to understand the logistics of how one person goes from where you say you were, to getting stoned, to being where you are now.
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Cait, to answer your perfectly reasonable questions…
Some of the people my partner met when we moved from interstate have the access. We don’t hang out with these people and never really did, but I made a connection and occasionally would make contact. For the record my partner doesn’t smoke at all and never has, and I don’t smoke anymore and no longer have those connections but in the industry he works in, if I wanted it I could still find it.
As to your second question, I was not depressed but was going through a difficult time in my relationship and interestingly enough I did go to my GP who referred me to a psychologist and after two sessions sent she me on my way telling me I didn’t need psychological assistance. She suggested a counsellor, but this wasn’t in regards to the drugs (which I was completely open about but by then I was no longer smoking) it was about my relationship.
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Thanks for your answers.
I dont think anyone should be condemning you for your decisions. There are much worse parents in the world than stoners – and I mean that in the sense that its not anywhere near guarantee that a stoner=neglect.
I think a big part of this is realising that something, somewhere pushes someone to take those steps.
I dont plan on ever taking those steps – but i doubt few who took them planned on them either.
I hope you found the peace you needed in the relationship, even if pot gave you a temporary and artificial one.
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“and, shock horror, I was a highly functioning member of society, without the bloodshot eyes (eyedrops fix everything”
Clearly not, if you needed some sort of high to get you through. Assume you were under the influence while driving those babies around?
Just cause you don’t look like a drug addict doesn’t mean you aren’t one.
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Wow, which bit of I don’t drive because I don’t have access to a car most of the time was so hard to understand? So no, I wasn’t driving my babies around stoned.
And you’re right, “just cause you don’t look like a drug addict doesn’t mean you aren’t one”, but I must then ask whether you think that everyone that drinks a glass of wine every night is an alcoholic?
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I love your comparison, how does recreational use equate with being addicted (which you can’t physically be with weed anyway)?
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I have to disagree Arya, you can absolutely be physically addicted to pot. I have known my fair share of pot addicts over the years and most will agree that suffering from any one or all of the symptoms of sleeplessness, nausea, irritability or the shakes when drying out is proof enough. That and not being able to leave the stash alone and having to smoke just knowing it’s there.
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It’s not a matter of opinion. Medically, you cannot be physically addicted to pot. The symptoms you are describing are part of a psychological addiction and/or can be attributed to other factors.
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My brother was addicted to pot, his withdrawal was awful, the shakes, cramps and very frightening to see. I don’t understand how anyone can say it’s not physically addictive. Why isn’t it?
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What about people who drink coffee all day? Or dose themselves on sugar to get through the day? Or down several glasses of alcohol habitually every night? There are all sorts of coping mechanisms – and as a teacher, I’ve seen caffeine, sugar, and alcohol get the better of parents on several occasions.
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I have to agree with Elissa, there are plenty of people with different dependencies. How many coffees do you drink a day? And if you regularly have one or more and don’t get your fix first thing in the morning are you irritable or do you get the shakes? I guess those are signs of an addict too. Personally I don’t drink coffee, tea or any other caffeinated or carbonated drinks, and I rarely drink alcohol, maybe having a glass or two a month.
And for the record, although this wasn’t your point Anon I thought I should add that just because I called myself a highly functioning stoner does not mean that I didn’t think I was effected. Too right I was, otherwise I wouldn’t have bothered to smoke in the first place.
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Just because no-one said anything to your face… Doesn’t mean no-one knew you were stoned!
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Actually although I wasn’t at the time, I’m pretty open about it all these days and I am yet to have a friend respond with anything but “I never knew you were doing that”.
Not everyone fits the steroetype in every situation.
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Thanks for your honesty, Judgment Day
It’s really refreshing to read such a candid statement! I don’t think you did anything wrong, and you definitely shouldn’t be ashamed. Good for you.
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Sugar coat it all you want, if you use illegal drugs around your children – asleep or not, it’s bad parenting! I have a friend who in so many ways is a wonderful mother, but she smokes weed morning, noon and night and that makes her a terrible mother! You can’t be a good parent when you are stoned, plain and simple!!!
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Some people are totally functional when they’re high, though. Marijuana is a natural substance. I’ve seen one friend (she’s childless, thank goodness) react AWFULLY to marijuana – paranoia, shakes etc – but I also have friends who are totally normal, just happier and more relaxed. If they’re feeding and clothing their children, if they can call an ambulance in an emergency, if they can monitor the children and provide for the children and answer their questions and talk to them and, overall, love their children, then what’s the issue?
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Would these ‘stoners’ tell their children it’s totally fine to smoke weed? I doubt it, it’s the same as drinking, when your children are at the right age you tell them the dangers of drinking right? So how do you tell your kids to stay away from drugs when you use them? I can’t imagine telling my child ‘ when your old and responsible enough it’s perfectly ok to have a bong with your friends’. It’s about setting an example for your child! Drugs ruin lives, people are kidding themselves if they don’t at least acknowledge that!
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I don’t know any parents who would advocate drug use, whether they use them or not. If parents are using drugs (and hopefully it’s only marijuana, not something harder), I guess they’ll have to be honest with the kids about why they use drugs and the precautions they (hopefully) take. I don’t use drugs (not even coffee or alcohol), but I’ll be giving my children honest information about all drugs, and when I do I’ll warn them of all the risks. It’s their decision, ultimately, so I want it to be a well informed one. That said, I’ve seen parents give children big, scary talks about “you mustn’t do this EVER because THIS will happen rargh rargh raaaargh”, and it’s never helpful. It’s often a source of temptation or rebellion, or it damages the parent-child relationship because the parents aren’t being as trusting or honest as they could be. Children don’t want to feel over-controlled or shamed, it never, ever helps.
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When I was a kid my parents took me to parties where they and there friends smoked pot. My parents always educated me about the risks of drug use and told me that if I was ever tempted to use any type of drugs make an informed decision. As a result when my school friends all started smoking pot and getting totally wasted I didn’t join in because I had seen how pot could make your night fun and relaxing, where as my school friends would smoke until they were almost comatose! So I waited until I found some friends who smoked to have fun, as a result I didn’t have my first smoke until I was quite old compared to my school friends. Who btw where all told “to stay away from drugs as they are evil”
I’m not condoning smoking in front of your kids, but it just shows the power of informing your kids about things like drugs and alcohol rather than just yelling at them to stay away.
I think there is also a distinction between parents who just have a smoke to feel a bit relaxed and ones who smoke morning, noon and night, there is a big difference in the level of functioning. Just like if you have a glass of alcohol with dinner or smash it all day.
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I guess for me it’s comes down to the fact that’s illegal? If weed is so harmless (which so many people say) why is it illegal?? Anyone I have ever known who smokes it – has some sort of mental health issue, depression, anxiety and/or psychosis! Having worked for a welfare agency for years – weed is incredibly addictive and destructive for individuals and families! That’s just my opinion!
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Okay for some reason I can’t reply to Anna’s comment but here’s my reply anyway. It’s illegal because of the failing war on drugs. It’s mainly arbitrary. Anecdotally it supposedly is a “gateway drug” but no evidence has been found in support of that assumption. Also, you may need to consider laws of causality, the mental health issues that you are describing were probably already existent before the introduction of weed, as weed does not cause any long term mental health problems (except in the very rare casses of seeting off psychosis in someone who has it lying dormant). Also, compounding variables (other factors that explain the symptoms that are present concurrently with the marijuana use) such as life circumstances all contribute to what you are describing as a so-called “effect” of marijuana.
Oh, and it’s not addictive (physically).
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It started in the US. The person who started manufacturing synthetic fibres (DuPont) had a lot of political sway and was able to influence laws to help outlaw the competition. Hemp fibre was used up until WW2.
Not sure who made the film reefer madness, but I’m sure it’s on you tube and was made to help sway public opinion.
I saw a fascinating doco on it a few years ago.
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alcohol is natural, so is opium( ie heroin). People who are stoned look stoned and act stoned and zi hate seeing mothers at school oviously stoned.
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Good parents put their child’s needs and wants before their own! If a parent ‘needs’ to smoke weed for whatever reason, they are an addict and need help! If a parent ‘wants’ to smoke weed, well I think it’s pathetic! Wait until you have the night off and go for it!
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Arya, are you serious?? Of course there are long term effects of smoking? Respiratory problems? To say weed isn’t addictive is just so ridiculous. A ‘psychological’ addiction is just as bad – if not worse than a physical addiction!
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