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By MIA FREEDMAN
It’s hard to talk about the death of a 17 year old at Schoolies this week without using cliches such as “every parent’s worst nightmare” because it truly is.
I never went to schoolies, myself. Instead, I celebrated the end of my year 12 exams by going to Hamilton Island with my mother where we huddled around the TV watching the Berlin Wall come down on CNN. Rock and roll. But I had no desire to go anywhere and drink myself stupid. I just didn’t see the point.
Once you reach a certain age and begin identifying more with the worried parents than the wasted kids, you tend to tune out the annual schoolies media coverage – until this year.
Today’s Daily Telegraph.
With the shocking news about tragedy on the Gold Coast and the near-miss when 18 year old Cameron Cox was photographed sleeping on a balcony ledge 11 floors above the ground – it’s been impossible to ignore.
I’m still a few years off having to deal with my firstborn going to schoolies but I’m going to remember the advice adolescent expert Dr Michael Carr-Gregg has been giving to year 12 parents: bribe your kids not to go. Cash, a car loan, whatever it takes. As has been devastatingly proven this week, the combination of drunk kids and highrise buildings can be lethal.
The full circumstances around this young woman’s death aren’t yet known. But the fact is that someone’s beautiful daughter is dead after going to schoolies. Our thoughts and sympathies are with her family and friends after this senseless tragedy, that can never be undone.
And if there is a sense of anger and frustration amongst parents around what goes on at schoolies? It’s born of deep terror that, just like us at the same age, many teenagers have a frightening inability to foresee, judge and manage the consequences of their actions.
Comments
211 Comments so far
My parents bribed my brothers and I out of schoolies with a trip to the US and it definitely worked! It gave me the travel bug and I never once felt like I missed out on the experience my friends had. I had enough drunk, messy experiences living in share houses at uni, and by that time I had the maturity to cope with it.
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God, when I consider the stuff I got up to as a teenager in my last year of school and first few years of uni….well, my week at schoolies simply pales in comparison. And I was one of the “good” kids!
I was lucky, my parents had the right balance of freedom and discipline.
As I raise my kids, I always remember that my best mate (who I still have contact with), had very strict parents. Her life as a teenager and early adulthood was, to be blunt, horrendous. Unplanned pregnancies, serious drugs, completely disgusting boys, completely and utterly trashed for most of her waking moments. She was lucky, she’s still alive. But pretty f*cked up these days.
Oh, and nope, she was banned from going to schoolies while we all went.
Point being, you can’t be there all the time, but trust your kids, teach them morals and values, give them boundaries and show them LOTS of docos about how drugs destroy your life. Then you need to let them go believing that you did everything you could to set them on the right track. They will f*ck up but you just have to be there when they do.
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My 18 yr old son is leaving for schoolies tomorrow morning. He’s going to the Gold Coast with 20 of his closest friends.
I wish he wasn’t going because I will worry about him every minute. But he’s 18 .
I’m not going to tell him he can’t go or even ask him not to go. I’ve brought him up to be a responsible person. His father is teaching him to be a good man. We can’t mother him forever. This is just the start of him finding out what type of man he wants to be.
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I think it’s so important to get rid of our drink to get drunk culture. It’s disgusting and we need to start getting the message across in schools now so that future generations won’t have that culture.
As for schollies, give your kids other options. 10 years ago I went to schoolies but 10 of us went to Byron Bay instead and rented a big house on the beach. Although most of our group was only 17 we did drink alot but we were all in a safe environment, not getting trashed out on the streets of Surfers with god knows who. It was one of the funnest weeks of my teenage years.
And as for the balconies, well I believe that apartments that are going to be rented out to schoolies should have proper railings and fencing. That kid sleeping out on the ledge should never have even been able to get out there in the first place. Obviously, I don’t place the full blame on the building design but surely something can be done to prevent balcony deaths.
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I’m a little appalled that this issue is even being discussed today when a family is grieving the loss of their daughter to circumstances that aren’t yet clear. All news articles are pointing in the direction of this not being an accident and therefore it could of happened anywhere, not just schoolies. Put your opinions away out of respect for the family until all the facts are known.
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I couldn’t of said it better. I feel so sorry for her family.
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This is what I was getting at below. We dont know the full facts but the news reporting does indicate it wasnt an accident, so this discussion is redundant. And insensitive.
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I just can’t believe schoolies is even allowed to exist. I’m from the UK and we just went out and partied wherever when we finished school and had a laugh. There was certainly never an organised week-long rave up for kids who had just left school to go and get utterly obliterated at. Particularly in a place where most stay in high-rises. It’s a recipe for disaster as we have seen too many times and that is particularly proven by the tragic loss of this gorgeous young girl. The whole bloody thing should be banned.
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I totally agree with you. Didn’t grow up in Aus, so don’t understand parents who talk about it as a ‘rite of passage’, because they did it 20 years ago.
I’ve even heard parents talk about holding their kids back in kindy (in Qld), so they’ll be 18 when they go to schoolies, so they can legally drink!
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The difference from when we were kids to the kids today is huge!! We walked home alone, walked/rode over to friends houses, sorted out our own problem at school, got ourselves out of bad situations…most of us were latch key kids!! This generation of children are not. No-one lets their kids walk or ride to to school anymore, we certainly couldn’t let them walk the streets to their friends houses or ride around with the neighbours kids. The world is not as safe as it use to be. Unfortunately that means these kids don’t have the same decision making abilities that we did. They aren’t exposed to the same elements that we were so we can’t expect them to know how to handle things like schoolies week. Convince them to do something different and keep them away from dangers they are not ready for!!
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Don’t believe the media hype. It’s no more dangerous now than it was 30 years ago. Not sure why you’re not letting your kids walk to a friends place or ride around with the neightbours kids. Smacks of overprotective parenting.
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The world is not any more dangerous then it was years ago. It is only perception that has changed.
Google the crime statistics, research studies on crime and you will see that kids are in no more danger now days.
Decision making abilities have not changed either, except in kids who’s parents don’t give them the opportunity to learn how to make those decisions!!!
The have also always had balconies and windows and kids who drink so saying they don’t know the right way to act around them is ludicrous.
The problem with teenagers now days is their parents and the parents refusal to do their job.
Show them right from wrong, be there when they mess up and STOP making excuses for them, stop “smoothing” the way for them, stop assuming they cant do it for themselves.
The same parents who the article yesterday about trying to get your child into a certain class was aimed at, are the same parents on here today who say they will not let their kid go to schoolies, If you think banning your kid from going to schoolies is the right thing, then you have failed in your job of parenting your child. You should be confident in what you have taught your child to trust that they will do the right thing.
These parents are doing their children a fundamental disservice. Do your job- then let your child live their lives, make mistakes, learn from those mistakes and become a productive member of society who knows right from wrong, who accepts failure in the appropriate manner, is humble and polite and takes responsibility for everything they do.
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Here here
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Wow, I’m quite astounded with the replies here. I, for one, will not be allowing my kids to go anywhere near schoolies. If it takes bribing then so be it. I’m already talking about it openly in our house, when the time comes I think the kids will take it for granted that they won’t be going. LOL
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How will you stop them if they don’t accept your bribe?
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I doubt many teenagers can afford to get there on their own!
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When I turned 18 I had $45,000 in the bank and a new car. If you put in the hours at a part time job (not just do 1-2 short shifts afterschool each week) and save a big chunk of your wages it add’s up fast, especially if you can get full-time work or find a second job during school holidays.
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Some school kids would prefer to study after school and on the weekends than work. Not everyone wants, or can have, a house deposit in the bank by the time they want to go to uni – they have to put in the work to get there, and that means sacrificing earning money. Don’t be so judgemental.
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I did!
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I paid my own way, with money I had been earning since I was 15 at a part time job.
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They’ll just find somewhere else to get drunk and be stupid. The best you can do is educate them on safe(r) drinking practises and how to stay out of trouble. This is going to sound abrupt but people fall off balconies all the time. There are at least half a dozen news stories like that every year. Just because this tragic case happened at schoolies doesnt mean that it wont happen anywhere else.
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Exactly – by the time they have finished school you hope you have a responsible educated adult who can make good choices – not a kid that needs to be bribed !!!
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Well said! I too did the same thing for my schoolies three years ago. Education is the key!!
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I’ve already planted the seed with Miss14. I’ve offered her a mum and daughter trip to New York in lieu of schoolies. I think she’s very tempted. I’m hoping by 18 she’ll realise its a great deal!
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Good on You Chillax.The Memories of a Good Family Trip to a Nice Place will last a lifetime.I did a UK TOUR trip two years ago and there was this couple of board with their two kids from Chicago USA who had one son who had just graduated from High School so decided just before their eldest goes onto College do something other than Spring Break.They did the right thing and I hope for their youngest who would be graduating soon They do the same thing or another good family trip.
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Yeah, you could ban or bribe your kids to not go to schoolies. Or you could teach them how to drink responsibly and not get sucked into the Australan drinking culture. I went to schoolies, had a great time and hardly drank at all, I’m not a big drinker because my parents aren’t big drinkers and it was the way I was introduced to alcohol that effected my drinking behaviour. Schoolies is a right of passage for these kids, and while its a tragedy that this girl lost her life, education is the key, not wrapping kids in cotton wool.
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“Or you could teach them how to drink responsibly and not get sucked into the Australan drinking culture”
Teaching an individual kid to drink responsibly doesn’t cover the fact that a lot of other parents have not taught their kids the same.
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That has nothing to do with it. Kids don’t get drunker by standing next to someone who has had more to drink then they have.It doesn’t work by osmosis.
If your kid drinks responsibly then you have done your job. It has NO baring on the situation whatsoever how much anyone else drinks.
Jess88, I agree with your comment.100% Well said
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Okay, I’ll break this down into point form:
- Extremely drunk people can do stupid things
- Some of those things can be harmful
- Some of those things can be harmful to OTHER PEOPLE
- Sometimes those OTHER PEOPLE are sober or not very drunk
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Let me break this down into point form.
GOOD.PEOPLE.DIE
BAD.PEOPLE.DIE
People die for millions of different reasons.
You CAN NOT live your life by the
WHAT IF SCENARIOS.
Your job as a parent, in fact your ONLY job as a parent is to teach your children to be good people, do the right thing and learn from their mistakes. You teach them life’s rules and then you push them out of the nest and let them live their lives.
If you are worried about all the “WHAT IF”S” then you have not done your job properly.
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This story is tragic – as is every story of a young person losing their life – but at what point do parents need to step back and trust their children to make the right decisions for themselves? These kids are almost (if not already) adults, and for the majority of young people, schoolies is an enjoyable experience and for the most part they are making good and safe decisions.
It is ridiculous to think you can bribe your children into doing/not doing something and, is this really a value you want instilled in your kids? Would it not be better to educate them in the risks, establish a plan of action should anything go wrong and then leave them to make the right decisions for themselves?
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I didn’t go to schoolies, but I did go to uni games and in some ways I think it’s even worse. As we saw with the St John’s fiasco, there is so much peer pressure in that environment. I’m not a big drinker and my close friends couldn’t care less about how much I drink. But at uni games I was with a huge group of people I didn’t really know, that I wanted to impress. With a lot of beer bongs being shoved in my face. Recipe for disaster, really.
Thankfully nothing bad happened to me or anyone else while I was there – but it definitely had potential to get very pear-shaped.
Huge props to organisations such as Red Frogs who are all volunteering their time to keep these kids safe. You guys are awesome.
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My friend was convinced into joining the Hillsong church, giving them large amounts of her money and abandoning her friends and family by the red frogs that were meant to take care of her when she was drunk and vulnerable. That might have just been those particular volunteers, but I am suspicious of them now as preying on vulnerable teenagers to get them to join your church is kind of gross.
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I’m confused as to how your friend managed to join a church, give away large amounts of her money and abandon her friends and family in the space of a Schoolies week under the influence of Red Frogs. If joining a church was a decision she pursued after having met the Red Frogs crew, that is her choice. It sounds like you are denying your friend any agency in the situation out of dissatisfaction with her personal choices.
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I love this article, Mia. I spent my schoolies watching the Ashes at the Gabba with one of my best friends. It is now such a fond memory, especially as she died 9 years later.
All of these comments about wrapping kids in cotton wool astound me. There is a huge difference between never letting them near a party and supporting schoolies. Schoolies is completely different to any other type of experience. Schoolies on the Gold Coast is all about thousands of kids going crazy and drinking (no matter what the organisers try to do, it is still about the drinking) for a whole week without parents or teachers or bosses.
Yes, kids go crazy at parties at high school – but they still have to go home that night or the next day. If they are uncomfortable, they can use their parents as the excuse. Even at the parties, they probably know most of the people there.
At uni, O week it is more about starting a new life, learning a new town/home/school, looking forward to study. As they go on, study is still a major part – it is not 4 years of non-stop partying. The mix is different – it is not made up of 100% 17/18 year olds who are there solely for the party. And at uni, not everyone has the money to spend like they do at schoolies.
This incident at schoolies may be the first death in 10 years, but it is not the first “incident”. Although I’ve never seen statistics, I am certain that there are injuires, drug use, rapes, theft etc every year. This risk for what gain? You can kick back and relax after a hard year in a thousand ways – you don’t HAVE to go to schoolies. You can run into these risks while travelling – but you are at least gaining the experience of travel. You may have these risks at uni – but you are studying and broadening your horizons at the same time, so at least there is a reason to take the risks.
My point is, just becuase you want your kids to feel free to make their own decisions doesn’t mean you have to support them/let them do everything that they want to do. Usually, schoolies is paid for with parent’s money – even if they have a job, the parents provide everything else for the year free (electricity, travel, rent) – I’m always interested to see parents saying their children are adults when it comes to drinking, but not adults when in comes to paying their way.
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Just a side note, it is not usual that parents pay for schoolers, the majority of students in my yr 12 group of 170 teens had to pay their own way for schoolers if they wanted to go… Most parents will give their graduating children a good talking to before leaving about being safe and responsible, my group all got it, in fact I don’t know of any parent who wouldn’t warn their child before going to schoolies… It’s about trusting that they will make the responsible decision and most of the time they do… They are all becoming adults and should be held accountable for their actions, not their parents.
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actually there have been schoolies that have died a few years running from falling of balconies. Last year and the year before I remember. Also there have been 3 separate incidents of people falling to their deaths from Gold Coast balconies just in the past month alone.
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You just proved the point that shit happens.
3 people NOT at schoolies died from falling off balconies. So why are all these people saying that they are going to ban their kids from going to schoolies? Why does the headline of this post tell people to do everything they can to stop their kids from attending?
People die everyday, lets all take a step back and put this all into perspective.
Your child has a bigger chance of dying in a car accident with you at the wheel then dying at schoolies.
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“the advice adolescent expert Dr Michael Carr-Gregg has been giving to year 12 parents: bribe your kids not to go. Cash, a car loan, whatever it takes.”
I’m sorry but seriously? The problem is that growing up in Australia, kids are brought up in a culture of drinking. They believe and see that in order to have a good time, they need to get pissed. Not just drunk but completely pissed off their tits. Australians, regardless of age, don’t seem to be able to have a good time without alcohol being involved in some way and NOTHING will change until that attitude changes.
I remember when it was decided that the Skyworks on Australia Day over here in Perth would be alcohol free there was a huge uproar, from teenagers, young adults and even Mums and Dads and the middle aged who just wanted to enjoy their “sophisticated wine” while enjoying the fireworks. WHY must alcohol be involved in order to have a good time?
ALCOHOL is the problem here and the excessive consumption of it – not schoolies, not young people who don’t know better.
Change the culture of getting pissed for any and no reason and LOTS of things will change.
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Everything you say is spot on! Amen!
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I agree with everything you’ve said about the need for change in Australia’s drinking culture. Every single word.
However, I have to admit that when I read Dr Carr-Gregg’s comments, I took them very seriously in the following context: I think he feels so strongly about the inherent dangers involved in putting adolescents into this alcohol- and drug-fuelled environment that he is willing to say “do whatever it takes to keep them away from that dangerous situation”. If as a society we can make some meaningful changes to the binge drinking, recreational drug using culture that exists, and remove these things (especially the alcohol) from the equation, then the Schoolies environment could become a safer one for our young people. Then we might be able to fall back on the life skills and coping skills that every parent tries to instill in their child, and trust them to navigate through this period themselves. Just like they have to do with work, further education, relationships etc.
As it stands, I think the risks are just too great.
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From someone from Perth I would disagree with your fireworks opinion. I am not a heavy drinker.. (Drink maybe 5 times a year.)
There was a huge uproar because the Government is yet again trying to tell us what to do!
That is what the uproar is- not the alcohol.
Nanny States. Enough is enough!
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Yes trying to tell people what not to do, that you don’t need alcohol to have a good time – they’re right, you don’t.
If you can’t go to a fireworks display without having to indulge in alcoholic beverage, then you’ve got problems.
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This just sounds like everyone’s getting a tad hysterical over a tragic accident. So you may succeed in stopping your kids going to schoolies, but what happens when they’re 18 and want to go to a nightclub? At one stage you have to let your kids grow up, and let them go to find their own way. To be honest, I was more nervous when my son started going into Fortitude Valley on Friday nights than I was with him going to schoolies.
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I challenge anyone to stand in front of the survivors in this devastated family and suggest that “everyone’s getting a tad hysterical over a tragic accident”. I realise that reading a comment on a screen does not allow for interpretation of non-verbal cues, but the insensitivity of this comment literally took my breath away.
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I wasn’t being insensitive at all. It is a tragic accident and of course I feel for the parents, just like I would for any parent who loses a child. But when people start writing article after article about banning schoolies, naming and shaming kids when they do something stupid, offering to send them to Bali ( which makes no sense to me at all), it does seem as though people are getting hysterical about it. Accidents happen, they’re tragic, and of course are devastating for the families involved, but they happen everyday.
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I’m with you. I will admit that my parents live at the gold coast, so my kids stayed with them and just went to surfers each day/night when it was their turn and the younger ones will when it’s their turn. That was a big part of my comfort level.
However, I Learned from bitter experience what can go on in the valley at the nightclubs. Sadly, you just can’t protect your kids from every negative possible event for ever. Sure talk to them, set boundaries and be a good role model yourself, but sometimes the hardest lessons stick the most.
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Hi Faybian, I must admit I was a bit nervous about the whole schoolies thing, but he has grown up with a great group of friends and they have always helped each other out when one of them would get a little too drunk, so that gave me a little peace of mind. But definitely the first time he went into the Valley, I was worried sick.
. And you are so right about the hardest lessons stick the most.
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To me, it is much bigger than schoolies, schoolies is part of a much bigger culture of teenage binge drinking in Australia. Rather than have to bribe my child not to go, i would rather teach them to think that getting stupidly drunk is no fun and useless… that’s how Mia seemed to think at that age and that’s how I always thought. I drink but hate to get drunk. If peer pressure takes over then I will no doubt bribe my daughter with a trip overseas/a car/anything!
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No one from my highschool went anywhere for Schoolies. None of us could afford it. 4 of my classmates died in the two weeks after school ended. 2 in drunk driving incidents, one jumped off the roof of the school and broke his neck and another choked on her own vomit.
For a lot of teenagers Schoolies is their first taste of real freedom. So many parents really lay on the pressure in Year 12, and it’s a time when teenagers are expected to make huge life choices, often whilst still being treated like a little kid in many ways. It’s no surprise they want to let loose once it’s all over.
My advice would be to give your kids more lee-way in the years leading up to Schoolies. Let them go to some wild parties, let them take that overnight trip to see a band, let them make some mistakes. Don’t let Schoolies be their first taste of freedom.
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My friend died when she was hit by a car walking to school. Are you going to ban people walking down the street, driving a car etc???
It’s tragic that the young girl died but you can’t wrap your children in cotton wool. I went to schoolies when i was 17 and there was no way in hell my parents could of stopped me even thou i wasn’t 18 yet. I paid for the whole trip myself & I had the best time of my life! Tragic accidents happen everywhere, not just schoolies.
Goodluck trying to stop you kids going to schoolies in the future. You’re going to need it!
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I was just on the phone to a journalist who mid-sentence stopped and paused for the longest time. Eventually he said, I’m so sorry I’ve just read the most devastating email. That girl who sadly passed away at schoolies is a colleagues daughter.I got chills and still do.
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I never did schoolies, a couple of people from our school did at the end of Yr 12 (1999) and then there were alcohol companies sponsoring events at schoolies. I might look back on it a bit misty eyed but I think its WHAT it being drunk now that is different to when I was 17/18. There was lots of beer (whcih usually makes you full, bloated and throwing up if drink in excess) and no pre mixed drinks – they were mixed with a spirit measure over the bar. A bit of dope and not so much drugs. Now its loads of pre-mixed, and pre-mixed with caffinated drinks and drugs these days (how old do I sound?) are just more available than what they used to be. There was a “you tried what? you fool” stigma attached to drug taking than that isn’t there now. Its now more ‘acceptable’ (not that it is, in my mind).
Granted I didn’t do schoolies but did do plenty of B&S balls. Pay for your ticket, get a cup, drink beer/rum/vodka in unlimited amounts between 7pm and 1am. But there was always the roast and gravy rolls available as dinner. Suprisingly low number of issues at them. Whether is the genre of crowd, becuase everyone slept it off in the backs of utes the next day, or – just thinking – mabe it was because pubs actually SHUT at midnight or 1am. Events FINISHED at night – there just wasn’t the all day and night availability of alcohol whereas in cities/schoolies week now pubs/clubs are open 24/7….
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Its worth remembering we dont know the full story.
SMH report: Assistant police commissioner Graham Rynders said he could not comment on whether the incident was an accident, other than to say the teenager’s death, which was witnessed by six people, was not suspicious.
Reading between the lines…
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Ever since my children were little, from about kindergarden I would say the same thing to them when news footage of schoolies week came on the television. I’d say “see that? That is schoolies week on the Gold Coast. You aren’t going to that when you finish school” They’d say things like “no way Mum” or something to that effect. Every year I’d repeat the above statement and thankfully when it was their turn to graduate school neither of them went. Not that they probably didn’t think about going, peer groups do play their part. I did get eye rolling when I would bring it up in their late teens….. but I’m really really happy they didn’t go and I’m proud of them for that.
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For goodness sake. Whilst the death of a 17 yr old is sad etc, by your logic kids will never travel, drive, have their hearts broken and so on.. In fact they may as well never leave the womb. These “kids” are on the brink of adult hood and wrapping them in cotton wool is not going to do anything but harm them in the long term.
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I would be disappointed if my kids even wanted to go. They can celebrate or go away still but just not to The gold coast- the behaviour is appalling.
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Sas, the difference is at some point most kids have to drive. Life is easier if you can do it. It’s part of being an adult. The same with travelling and falling in love. Schoolies – as in getting smashed at a festy week long festival on the Gold Coast isn’t one of life’s essential experiences. You can choose not to be part of it and still lead a functional, happy life.
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And the other thing about schoolies is that while your kid may be responsible and make good choices, we know that a lot of people at schoolies don’t : there are lots of kids (and older people) wasted on booze and drugs who make terrible choices. And no kid can control what those people do – so even sensible kids may wind up in bad situations through no fault of their own.
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“no kid can control what those people do – so even sensible kids may wind up in bad situations through no fault of their own”. You can say that about any situation in their life, not just schoolies. For example, when they’re 18 ( only one year later) , and they go to nightclubs, go to a house party, go to a concert, rave, whatever, your kids are going to see things and experience things all in the name of growing up, and there is not much you can do about it except guide them the best way you know how.
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I agree that you can’t stop kids living and learning and I don’t. I consider myself to be a pretty liberal parent – I’ve encouraged my 15 year old daughter to go overseas to visit friends by herself, go out with her mates and get herself home all in the name of learning independence and resilience. And she’s a very sensible kid and I trust her absolutely. But I wouldn’t encourage her (or fund her) to go to any event where people expect to be trashed for a week because that’s just dangerous. In the same category as getting in the car with a drunk driver, really.
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It’s a tragedy but I don’t think bribing our children to avoid going there because of one incident is the answer either. I think it is our responsibility as parents to ensure we educate our children about how to make informed choices and have fun but with caution, using common sense. Sometimes accidents just happen and while it is our natural instinct to want to protect our children, at some point they become responsible for their own lives and there is only so much we can do before it becomes a case of suffocating them, making them overly-anxious and naive about the world around them.
I say this now with 4.5 year olds…I hope I have learnt to let go and practice what I preach when the time comes for me to let go.
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Parents who allow their children to go to Bali for ‘schoolies’ need their head examined. Over here in WA, the tradition is to go to Rottnest Island or the seaside town of Dunsborough. These areas are now significantly controlled keeping ‘toolies’ away, there is a strong police presence and there are supporting groups such as Red Frog there to keep an eye on the students and offer assistance or support if needed. Sure the kids still get up to mischief, but safety nets are in place just in case. Why would you allow an unchaperoned 17 year old to go to Bali where there is cheap alcohol, cheap drugs and unscrupulous ‘toolies’ hanging around? It defies belief that parents would allow this to happen. And yes, parents should still have a say where their 17 year old goes for schoolies!
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I live in the coastal town of Torquay and Red Frog do an amazing job of looking out for the welfare of schoolies every year.
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Hi
I’m in Torquay as well. What is Red Frog? Has schoolies happened here yet? Can’t say I’ve noticed anything.
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This happened on the Gold Coast in QLD, Tanya…
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I’m aware of that, Jess. The issue regarding behaviour during ‘schoolies’ is a nationwide concern, and tragic events like what happened on the Gold Coast need to be discussed and applied to various contexts.
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I agree that the death of this 17 year old girl is completely tragic and her family have my deepest sympathies, as would anyone who experienced such a tragic situation.
I do however wonder at the hysteria in the media and particularly on this site about “stopping” your 18 yo + children doing things…..ummm I thought at 18 and upwards you were legally considered an adult, can drink, get a drivers licence, vote, live on your own, get an adult passport etc etc.
There seems to be a lot of parents who can’t handle their children growing up and recognising at some point they have to be responsible for themselves. How else will they learn to be adults?? I think if you’ve instilled the right morals and values and over time allowed their sense of personal responsibility to increase with more and more freedom then at some point you have to let them go and just pray your hard work pays off and they make the right decisions to look after themselves.
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I have to disagree. I went to schoolies, god, nearly 20 years ago and I survived and had a brilliant time I might add.
By this rationale, you should never allow your son to get a drivers license. How about you consider stats on car accidents and young male adults?
I would love to cotton wool my kids. But I am only their mother, not their keeper.
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I totally agree. Ban or bribe your kids to never drive. That is the scary thing. I am a teacher, and trust me, your teengaers get up to just as much mischeif at home, than they do when they go to schoolies. I went and survived.
Maybe we could look at our drinking culture.
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I went on left school last year but instead of doing the normal schoolies me and 6 of my best friends went to Melbourne (we’re from Perth) for a week and had a blast with not one drop of alcohol. If you don’t want your kid doing the ‘traditional’ schoolies, see if they would want to go somewhere where no one else goes, that way they still get there end of yr holiday/celebration
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Really Mia, it has been 10 years since such a tragedy occurred at Schoolies, and tragedy it is. The other 30,000 young people had a great time just having fun with mates. There have also been 4 deaths from balconies at the coast in the last month, more tragedies but not schoolies related. I feel sick for that girls parents and her friends right now, but let’s not get on the ‘ban schoolies or don’t let your children go’ bandwagon please.
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There is an average of at least one death every year at schoolies. Four schoolies kids died last year alone.
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I don’t know what to think about this. Obviously having an influx of teenagers means that something tragic is more likely to happen but it could happen anywhere and to any one. Just because an ‘adult’ has been drunk numerous times doesn’t mean that they aren’t susceptible to risky behaviour.
I feel for her family and friends and although there isn’t a clear indication of what caused her death, I do hope kids take these situations seriously and ask themselves why they need to get so drunk all the time.
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Clearly you and I are of the same vintage, Mia, because when I went to schoolies with my friends and they were drinking themselves stupid, I was also sitting watching the Berlin Wall come down. They joked with me that I was a school nerd (gee, I think they were joking??) but hey, it was a historic moment. I fully intend to bribe my 4 year old and not quite 3 year old in order to keep them away from schoolies but if by chance they do go, I hope they are school nerds just like their mum.
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So, we raise our kids to be adults who can drive and vote…then say no, you can’t go to schoolies! Parents cannot stop their adult children from doing what they want to do, it’s hypocritical. If you haven’t done your job by the time your kids are 18, it’s a bit late to try and start. BTW, my 18 year opted to do charity work at an “alternative to schoolies” program in the Philippines. He is currently having a ball
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I dont know where school leavers should celebrate/holiday, but I would rather my kids remain in Australia rather than OS (Bali for example) where the laws are different and medical facilities (should they require them) be less than hygienic.
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Mia, you are definitely my spirit animal! I never went to schoolies either. Like you, I had absolutely zero desire to go. Instead my dad paid for me and my high school bezzie to go to QLD (with him, my older brother and one of his bezzies) and we all stayed in a huge apartment in the Q1 for a week. It was absolutely wonderful. My dad gave us our own space, but it was great because we drove up and so were able to get around easily in his car, he treated us all to lovely dinners and outings and we generally just had a really nice time.
I know that when the time comes for me to have kids (ages away!) and for those kids to go to schoolies (so far away that I can’t see that far, even with binoculars) I will be doing a similar thing to what my dad did. Was it costly? Of course. But at the end of the day, I’d say worth it!
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Don’t you think your energy in ‘bribeing’ them not to go would be better spent in educating them in the risks of binge drinking, establishing a ‘plan’ if one of them were to get into trouble, or making sure they’re going with the right group of friends?
I’m 19, went to schoolies 2 years ago, stayed in one of these high rise building on the Gold Coast, drank across the week… did all that schoolies stuff.
Yes, this death is definately a tradgedy. But saying a blanket no to kids who want to go to schoolies isn’t really the answer.
Stupid kids are going to do stupid stuff everywhere. Schoolies doesn’t do it to them. For every 1 drunken, violent, idiotic person there, there are about 5000 who are respsonsible and look out for their friends. I did, and had the best week of my life.
Just educate them and make sure they are going with a respsonsible group of friends (very important).
If you think schoolies is the only oppourtunity in their late-teens life to do silly stuff, and be in danger because of binge drinking, you are seriously mistaken.
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Disagree. My sisters and I all went to Schoolies in different places- the eldest went to Torquay, and got a sunburn. I went to Lorne, and got a ride home with the police when we couldn’t get a taxi. The youngest went to the Gold Coast, and had a fabulous safe time supervised by event organisers and police. Scary and sad things happen all the time, but don’t deny your kids the chance to have a fun relaxing holiday after they’ve just finished the high school years.
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I think it depends on the individual child and their friends. If they have experience drinking responsibly, and are able to handle peer pressure, then I’ll let my kids go.
I’ll also be making them pay for their own trip, my theory being that if you’re responsible enough to have a job and save for the trip, you’re probably responsible enough to go. I should point out I may be proved totally wrong, my kids are years off schoolies!
I actually think schoolies is a fairly controlled environment where you have lots of time to coach and prepare your children for what could happen. Frankly, I’m by far more concerned about my kids driving then a week at schoolies.
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Two things that come to mind:
- these days kids seem to have far more disposable income than their parents, as they get jobs as soon as they can and have a few years of savings amassed by the time they get to schoolies so it’s almost a given that they’re self-financing. My son paid for himself, so did all his friends.
- yes, activities are well supervised and controlled but what parents really fear are the parties that go on behind closed doors inside the apartments, where there are no police or sober adults to watch over them. I’m just glad my son survived schoolies but he did have a frightening experience and could have been one of the statistics. I’m so glad it’s over!
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Out of curiosity, do kids now still have to pay for their driving lessons and first car? This was why we all skipped schoolies, we’d been paying for our license and then we were saving for cars (and bond on our first rentals, but I know people are staying at home much longer now).
My thoughts on it being ‘supervised’ is that it’s more supervised than your local nightclub or house party, not that it’s safe! I really don’t want my kids to go, but I haven’t decided if I’m banning it yet. I’m glad your son came home safe.
Maybe I’m very relaxed as I had been working night shift next to a methadone clinic and nightclub in high school. I was probably a lot more streetwise than your average teenager, now that I think back!
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My kids both had to save for their first cars and their driving lessons, which they paid for by working part time jobs while attending school. My 16 yr old is still doing it to this very day. He works this afternoon and has a driving lesson tomorrow.
. I felt a great deal of satisfaction of doing this when I was younger, and my boys did too.
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We did the driving lessons (they only had 3 apiece) while they saved for their licence test. I can’t believe how ridiculously expensive driving lessons are these days.
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one person died out of the thousands of schoolies. are you going to stop your kids driving too?
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I think every parent’s heart stopped when they heard the news of this young girls death but I think we should wait and see if it is an alcohol related incident or something else. I certainly don’t think schoolies is the issue here either, I think the issue is binge drinking and that won’t go away with the banning of schoolies. Try driving into the valley at 2am, here in Brisbane, to pick up your kids and have to slam on your brakes because there are drunken kids walking down the middle of the street or in gutters. Or see the amount of paramedics and police are out at this time. Then realise that many of these kids have been binge drinking since they were in grade 9 or 10 and are watching their parents drink. Banning schoolies won’t stop this, they will just find another probably more dangerous place to go like Bali or Thailand. The only solution is to change the drinking age to 21 but that’s not going to happen because too much money is made from this very age group.
PS good luck Mia with the bribing, I tried everything money, trips to Paris, New York etc but it did no good. Both my girls went and survived..it was me who was a nervous wreck and didn’t sleep for the week
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Suggestions of bribing etc are clearly made by parents of younger kids!!! Nothing on earth can convince a teenager not to go to Schoolies, if they want to! I agree, you have to let them go but as a parent you hold your breath the WHOLE week!!
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So true Jane! when your kids are little you think “this will never happen, I will never allow them to go” Cut to grade 11 when everyone in booking their accommodation for the following year and see how far bribery goes! not far at all. Personally I’m glad my girls got to go and it wasn’t as bad as the media portrays it. They both had a fun time and the only thing I can say is I told them to keep off balconies, not get too drunk, not to come home pregnant and if they ever felt scared approach the police or the Red Frogs (these people deserve a medal) ring me every night when they were in bed regardless of the time and text me a few times a day.
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I couldn’t agree more with you Mia and I think it’s about time parents started to take more responsibility for their children instead of giving in to the pressure and letting them go and be in an environment where they are subject to sex, drugs, alcohol and violence.
Earlier in the week I was reading about ‘Toolies’ and I was so horrified that ‘grown’ Australian men fly to Bali to prey on Schoolies hoping they can pick up for their own sexual pleasures. It’s so disgusting and shameful that men, our Australian men, behave this way. And unfortunately young girls are subject to this behaviour and some fall for it and then wind up in situations that they really didn’t want to be in.
It’s time for parents to play a bigger role in this – like another guest commented… she’s already having conversations with her 15 year old son now… that’s exactly what parents need to do.
Build better relationships with your children so they trust your judgement.
I guarantee they will thank you when they’re older!
http://sarahelizabeth880.blogspot.com.au
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You do realise that teenagers are subjected to alcohol, drugs.sex etc when they go to parties with their friends? and these parties start in about grade 10 but most parents think that they are just going for a sleep over. Also talking to your child at 15 about the dangers of alcohol is probably way to late, I think it is important to start when they are little.
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Have just heard that a 17 year old girl died as a result of falling from the balcony of a Gold Coast highrise last night.
I would never allow my child to attend this annual “event”.
Everything that I see on TV indicates that Schoolies is a hybrid of Friday night at the local pub and professional wrestling.
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I finished the HSC in 2007 and rather than going to the usual schoolies spots, about 8 of my friends and I just rented a house on the South Coast of NSW for a week. Sure, there was still alcohol involved, but it was a quiet area, we lazed around at the beach and drank at night and explored and relaxed. It was a really nice break after studying so hard – perhaps instead of bribing your kids not to go anywhere, encourage them to do something like that – or put some money towards it, as long as they go somewhere a bit less crazy.
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My friends and I did something similiar, except we went to Byron Bay. We stayed in a house near the bech, swam, had bbqs and relaxed, Sure, some alcohol was consumed but never copious amounts.
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My concern would not be my kids so much, as the others. You can educate your children all you like, but there its the other idiots that are the problem. There will always be someone with less than honorable intentions. Add alcohol to the mix….
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No way in hell my kids will be going. While I realise I can’t wrap them in cotton wool forever, I also realise it’s just plain stupid to send them somewhere I know will be guaranteed to expose them to that much danger. I let them walk by themselves to school, but I made damn sure they knew to walk on the footpath and down the middle of the road before I did. Same thing.
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big difference telling a little kid to do something and telling a 17 / 18 yr old. At one stage you have to let them grow up otherwise they resent you, big time, and they end up doing worse things behind your back.
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I went to schoolies three years ago and all we did was party – but responsibly.
We drank consistently over the three days but we made sure we ate, drank water when we felt sick and stopped when we knew we had enough. We also took care of each other which is something real friends do.
Kids need to be given freedom to learn things for themselves. Keeping your kids away from schoolies because your afraid is just over-protective. Educate your kids about how to drink responsibly and the dangers of illicit drugs and they will have the time of their lives.
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Why because you’re scared? Scared how drunk they may get? Or how much sex they will have? Your kids are really just beginning to grow up at the stage of schoolies, let them go and do what they want make sure they do all the right things like look after their mates and what not. That is really all the advice they need. What are you going to do? Stop them from doing everything?
I never went to schoolies (in my twenties now) and don’t regret it. I volunteered with a friend during a festival, met plenty of great people in the process. Who cares, do what you want, just enjoy life.
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Mia, wondering if you would let them live at a University hall of residence, or a share house in their first year of Uni?
The behaviour and drunkenness is not dissimilar to schoolies, just more prolonged!
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I would never let my kids live in a Uni residence- It like one long year of schoolies.
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Completely disagree. Lived at college for 2 years, some of the best years of my life. In my experience, very few people there were only there for the party (unlike schoolies), most were there to study, social life was just a part of that.
There were all types there, some people who refused to drink EVER, some who drank all the time. Perhaps this is slightly true at schoolies, but in my experience not many young people who don’t like to drink/go crazy bother with schoolies, so I think the percentage of the party animals is much higher at schoolies than at uni.
I also found that there were always older residents who helped out the younger ones, took some of the pressure to drink off, and on top of that there are the principals/adults in charge of each college that do provide some supervision because (a) they care and (b) don’t want their college to be in tomorrow’s headlines!
Also, your kids don’t HAVE to go to schoolies – thousands every year stay home, work, have some type of break with family/friends. If you want to go to uni and can’t do this near your home, you have to live somewhere, so this analogy is completely different.
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Lucinda, I agree with what you’re saying.
I suppose the point I was trying to make is that alcohol-related events and risk-taking opportunities don’t stop at Schoolies.
Although I drank my own bodyweight in alcohol most nights during my years at college and made some dodgy choices in terms of boyfriends and lifestyle choices, I turned out OK and lived to tell the tale! Just as the vast majority of Schoolies will.
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This is not a comment directed at the tragic death of the young girl. But it is a comment directed at the binge drinking issue at Schoolies.
I’m all for having a drink but when you binge drink your guard is down and you’re less able to make good judgement calls or to spot a dangerous situation. When you binge drink you do things, go places, trust people you wouldn’t normally do, go or trust. Binge drinking at Schoolies is a dangerous combination for young people. At best, you may end up having a one-night stand with someone who drinks Midori Splices and whose iPod is full of Rebecca Black tunes. At worst, you become tomorrow’s headline. If your kids are planning to go we need to tell them to stick with their tribe and to pay attention.
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Yeah but they can and will binge drink anywhere. At best you’ll have a great time with your mates and nothing bad or regrettable will happen! That’s what schoolies is for the majority of people.
If you round up all the kids who don’t go to schoolies I’m betting there will have been some accidents and sad deaths happen in that group too. It’s just schoolies is such a media focus.
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They can bringe-drink anywhere, but the *main purpose* of schoolies seems to be binge-drinking. That’s the problem.
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I agree and I do NOT understand any parent who happily supplies their teenager with alcohol. It is proven to affect the frontal lobe which affects the ability to assess risk. It is like giving their as yet not completely developed brains poison or giving them a gun and saying ‘go play’. I don’t buy this ‘rite of passage’ bullshit. Talk to the accident and emergency staff at Gold Coast hospital – we don’t hear a tenth of what really happens – rape, sexual assault, car accidents, drunk kids lying in gutters being driven over. It makes a lot of money for a lot of people but the cost to the kids who make mistakes is enormous. And yes I have had two children go through schoolies, and unscathed. My third will not be going
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Yeah but so are the majority of all social events that people of that age go to. Schoolies is not any different from any other place people of that age can go to is what I’m saying. The only difference is that it makes the news.
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At the risk of sounding like the old fart I am, I think schoolies today is way more dangerous than it was in my day (1984). There was a bit of dope but no party drugs washed down with Red Bull. I don’t remember anyone falling off balconies. We were never in our apartments. We slept there and got changed there and hung out in the Broadie beer garden – they never ID’d us back then. And there were no pre-mixes. Our drinks were poured so weak you couldn’t get plastered if you tried. I don’t know, maybe kids were safer at the pub?
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Kate, I went to Schoolies on the Gold Coast in 1989 and I think our generation is romanticising the past.
It certainly is worse now but is it THAT much worse? The apartment I stayed in was full of people passed out. I have no doubt there were assaults. And alcohol related deaths. People behaved badly then as they do now — there just wasn’t the media coverage back then.
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Bec, if you were right, I’d agree with you
I do think it’s a lot worse. Now the police refer to something called ‘Wide awake drunk’ that refers to being completely smashed but not able to sleep because of drugs and caffeine drinks. Passing out, weirdly, is not the worst thing that can happen. Passed out people don’t throw punches, stagger onto roads. I am locking my son into a cupboard under the stairs when he finishes Year 12. I may give him a light beer so he doesn’t feel like he’s missing out completely.
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I was also there in 1989 and I agree with you Kate. I know that a lot of people were drunk but I never felt afraid of them. We definitely drank but we didn’t drink with the intention of getting smashed as quickly as possible. While I have no doubt that there were assaults and fights, I don’t remember the kind of aggression that we are seeing in so many young people today who are full of drugs and caffeine. Maybe I have turned into an old “back in my day” kind of girl but I genuinely think there is a whole other element out there now.
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Bec, I agree with you. It may be a bit worse now but that may be due to the sheer number of kids going now, and also because everything that happens there is now reported. When we finished school, many moons ago, all of us partied hard, various drugs were consumed / smoked, people drank too much, there were fights, there were one night stands and people passed out and puked. This was 25 years ago. Really not that much has changed.
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Dear Anon, this does sound like a bit of a nightmare for you. How sad for your mother, and sadder still for you. But – you commented that she walks into your room while you are changing, or into the bathroom while you are showering. Sounds as if you live with her. If this is the case, and as you have stated you are 33 years of age, may I respectfully suggest that… it’s time for you to move out of home, my dear.
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No Jimmy’s Girl – I do not ‘live with her’ – she lives with me at present. (I moved out many years ago, of course!)
Without going into details – it is not for any reason you might imagine. Things aren’t always as simple as they seem.
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