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"I’ve had a cup of tea with a man who executed 62 people."

I’ve had a cup of tea with a man who executed 62 people and it was one of the strangest, most disconcerting experiences of my life.

Correctional Officer Jerry Givens had to press a button to fire up an electric chair or push a lever for lethal injection in the state of Virginia. Those repeated small movements of his finger took life from others and they took from him.

Like many Australians, I am increasingly sickened by the prospect that Andrew Chan and Andrew Sukumaran are close to being executed by Indonesia. The Bali Nine drug smugglers could soon be transferred to the island where they will die. I’m horrified for their families, their friends and supporters and for Australia.

But I’m also distressed for Indonesia. Every execution demeans, degrades and dehumanizes those who order it, those who agree with it and most of all, those who have to carry out the heinous act.

Australians Sukumaran and Chan are slated to be executed in Indonesia this week.

Givens talked about the cost on an SBS Insight episode ‘Trained to Kill’ alongside soldiers, police officers and snipers who had had a duty to take the lives of others. All men were deeply damaged.  As psychiatrist Professor Sandy McFarlane told the program “killing other people is extremely destructive to a person’s sense of well being”. The cop who shot a man during a violent domestic dispute (so saving a woman’s life in the process) said it ruined his life because ‘when you kill somebody you kill a part of yourself’.

Bali Nine pair have plead for their lives in letter to Indonesian government.

Jerry Givens couldn’t let himself feel the impact of what he did. He told himself that they were savages and he read about their absolutely appalling acts of crime.  He told himself he was carrying out the wishes of a majority of Americans who believe in the death penalty.

He still vividly remembered every detail about the first execution he carried out – I won’t go into details but I’ll never forget what he told me, I had nightmares for weeks.  I will share that the executioner prayed with each man, with his hand on their head as he cut their hair.

Givens didn’t tell his wife and children what he did for a living. He had to dissociate from the act, by entering what he called ‘executioner mode’ but in doing so eliminated too much of himself.

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The officers who are involved in executions in Indonesia are masked. They will not know if they fire the shot that kills. That’s because Indonesia knows the price and the burden these men will pay. I’m not sure it can relieve that burden. All executions are vile and violent.

Many Balinese Hindus will be saddened by the death of the men who have been rehabilitated on their island. I know the death penalty is popular in a country scarred by drug abuse but I do feel each death has an impact on Indonesia and those it hires to do its dirty work. I sense Australia will also suffer.

A powerful letter from a 12 year old may just change your mind on the Bali Nine.

In 2005 a young drug smuggler, 25-year-old Nguyen Tuong Van, was hung in Singapore. Like Chan and Sukumaran he was a young man who made a stupid and terrible mistake.  He too had been rehabilitated in jail and tried to atone for his sins.  He too did not get the chance to live a better life.

I was doing a radio show that day and remember the palpable sense of sadness in Australia. I remember the vigils, the tears, the groundswell of protests and the flowers laid. I remember how the church where he went to school tolled its bell 25 times (once for each year of his life). I remember his friends and his lawyers trying not to crumble as they walked in and out of Changi prison. I remember his mother was only allowed to hold his hand in his final hours.  As the vile act was carried out we let the radio fall silent and played classical music.  I felt a light had dimmed for humanity.

Australians show support for Chan and Sukumaran at a candlelight vigil.

I want mercy for the Bali Nine because they show rehabilitation is possible.  I urge Indonesia to show restraint and mercy for the sake of the men, those who love them, those who care and those who order and carry out death.

Many will feel their shadow upon their spirit.

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