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sex1 300x210 Are bottoms the new mouths?

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That’s a safe-for-work way of asking: is anal the new oral? Now might be a good time to bookmark this post for later if you have anyone very young or boss-like hovering near your computer. Because we’re going to talk about sex. Ready? Good.

This question about anal sex becoming as common as oral sex used to be is not a new one really. I’ve been hearing it asked for several years. This co-incides neatly with the mainstreaming of online porn.

Someone sent me a link to this entry in the things-bogans-like site this week. Let’s not get into a discussion about the implied judgement in the word ‘Bogan’. Let’s save that for another day (how’s never? is never good for you?).

For the purpose of this post, I really want to stick to the subject of anal sex (hello Mum, Dad, my mother-in-law and everyone else who would never otherwise hear me say the words ‘anal sex’ which excludes anyone I’ve ever worked with. Oh the sealed sections I have had to write/commission/edit on The Last Sexual Taboo….).

So I get into a discussion about anal sex with this (male) friend who sent me the link. FYI he sent it to me for Mamamia not to, like, flirt. (trust me). Similarly, I am able to have discussions about such things as anal sex without being the remotest bit flirty. See above point about work and sealed sections.

Anyway.

I asked him what he thought about the link which basically said that anal sex was purely about domination and was loved by guys who were into porn. He agreed, adding that the abundance of porn has led to a belief that is completely normal behaviour and not the dominating sexual act that he believes it is (he’s not into it at all).

My friend said that the guys he knew who did it only did it when they wanted to have sex with someone and be done with it. Very wham bam. And the girls he knows who are into it are REAALLY into it.

This raises an interesting point. All the women I know insist they’re not into it. In fact I’ve never met a woman who says she loves it or even likes it. Hell, I’ve not even met a woman who admits she regularly does it.

But all the men I know insist that some women love it. Which suggests that these women are lying to someone -either their friends or their sex partners.

My view is this. Anything that is consensual between two adults who are both in a fit state to give that consent (ie: not wasted, asleep etc) is OK. But are younger women being pressured into anal sex because young guys have been exposed to such a steady diet of porn since they were teens?

I once remember reading about how an emergency room in Sweden (or some country like that, I’m foggy on the geographical specifics) was seeing an alarming rise in prolapsed colons and colon injury in teens/young women – attributed to aggressive anal sex. They learned that apparently this was accepted as the norm from boys’ exposure to vast amounts of Euro anal porn.

Oh lordy. They didn’t mention THIS in Where Did I Come From…….

Anyone care to share their views or experiences? Do most guys try it on? Is the “I’m sorry, I slipped!” line getting a little old? Do you think the rise of anal sex is linked to porn and is there more pressure to do it now than, say a decade or two ago?

(I’m guessing there won’t be too many non-anonymous comments for this one. Can I just suggest you make up a name instead of using ‘Anonymous’ so as to avoid confusion…..)

AND…….If you haven’t already subscribed to the Mamamia daily  email, you really, seriously  should. That way, you won’t miss what’s  going on around here each day  and it will give you something fun and  interesting to divert your  attention away from the 3pm blahs every day.

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372 Comments so far

  1. Jennifer

    I do feel that I’m a minority, being a woman who enjoys anal sex, but I have had only one partner who would say the same. You’re right, though — I rarely bring it up in conversation, as the majority of women would give a lot of harsh criticism as feedback.

    I agree — it’s very dominating, which probably adds to the allure for some men, but I don’t think it has been brought about by “porn-obsessed” males, agreeing with Alison, below. For some time, oral sex was taboo, “gross” and “unnatural,” and it’s barely been a generation since we comfortably admit that it’s a common sex practice in our bedrooms today.

    Admittedly, the idea of having anal sex with a partner with bad hygiene and cleanliness is repulsive, but like vaginal sex, safety is key, and it can be enjoyable if you’re open to it and well-prepared.

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  2. Jess

    I love anal sex. Its not for everybody, not for every occasion and not with randoms, (trust is essential) but can be incredible on occasion.

    I was with my partner for 4.5 years. We lost our virgininty together and tried anal early on and it was a disaster, so stopped trying for years.
    Then about a year ago we randomly tried again. AMAZING.

    Things you need for the first time (or actually every time):
    1. Lube
    2. Darkness if lacking confidence
    3. Loads of foreplay (the girl has to be really worked up)
    4. A patient partner.
    5. Been to the toilet within a couple of hours

    I found that if you have all these things then he can enter just a bit, and then don’t move until the girl says so. Then go in another 5 cms or so and wait again. then go all the way in and wait for another 30 seconds. if the girl is still good then speed is fine and then its personal preference on how fast you go.

    It was a special occasion thing for us but a nice twist to the bedroom antics.

    The weirdest thing for me is that my partner and i broke up about 3 months ago and i have recently started sleeping with someone i have known for a few years. we like each other and know each other pretty well but we slept together for the first time last week. He totally tried to go anal and it was NOT allowed. But doggy with a finger in the area was also pretty good.

    Thanks,
    jess

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  3. Savannah

    NONONONONONONONONONONO!!! I DON’T EVER EVER EVER WANT TO DO IT!…
    Well maybe for a million dollars!

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  4. Not happy

    This garbage post has made my gf not want to have anal sex with me anymore.

    Lots of misinformation and offensive generalizations here. Opinions nonetheless but many obviously uninforned.

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    • Kris2040

      Why? It stopped you guys doing it already, or she was up for the idea and then bailed after reading what people have said about it here? Maybe talk to your girlfriend about why she’s not keen anymore and go from there? Rather than blaming a pretty frank discussion from people who have tried and not tried it and like and don’t like it? Just a thought, there, Not Happy…

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  5. no thanks

    thank god I don’t have a porn obsessed boyfriend. I would never ever be with anyone who was. These reasons are ethical as I belive that although some women are not exploited in the industry, some are. Therefore, I would have a huge problem with dating a guy who was contributing to this exploitation. A little is okay but someone with a porn addiction has no control and therefore could be viewing dodgy porn which includes rape etc.
    On the anal subject my boyfriend has never had the desire practise anal.
    If he did I would make him experience it as well to make the situation fair. If he wants to shove something up my anus then he can see how it feels as well.

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  6. This Is My Made Up Name

    When I was younger I didn’t think I would ever have oral sex, let alone anal. I’ve always been rather innocent when it comes to sex and so on.

    When one of my exes asked me to do oral, I was reluctant the first few times he asked, but eventually I did and I enjoyed it. I used to think even oral sex was degrading.

    That said, I don’t think I’ll ever do anal. A finger is fine, but sex is meant to be enjoyable, not painful!

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  7. J

    To be honest i’ve never done it, I always thought it was just something guys like to do i didn’t think women actually like it or that you could have orgasms from, i just thought it would hurt more than be enjoyable and i also think that it’s quite gross and degrading. So no anal for me
    Although i did have an ex who wanted to try it but i said no so he asked that when we have sex can he put his finger in my bum and on some occasions i put mine in his, i laughed at him and told him it grossed me out so he never asked again, but towards the end of the relationship i found out he was a porn addict!

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  8. Alison

    I have a few friends who talk about how much they love anal sex and what great orgasms they have with it, etc, so “some women love it” isn’t just a myth propagated by porn-obsessed men. Some women also love giving blow jobs, which I just honestly don’t. I give a solidly mediocre blow job, because my partner loves them, but it doesn’t turn me on and I’m not very good at it. Weirdly (I think), my ex was constantly pressuring me to have anal sex (which I’m also not that excited about), but thought blow jobs were degrading to women. It’s all relative. My best friend’s ex liked to dress like a woman and have her penetrate him with a strap-on, and he was definitely heterosexual. Just fetish-y. I’m in the consenting-adults-can-do whatever-they-want-in-bed camp.
    I also think that breaking taboos is helpful for everyone, because it makes it so much easier for someone who has been abused to speak out about it. If people feel humiliated, they are much more likely to keep quiet about abuse. Talking about things like anal sex in a normal and honest way lessens everyone’s embarrassment, and the less embarrassed people are, the more honest they can be. Everyone wins!

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  9. Carla

    I like it. Pure and simple. Nothing to be ashamed of, people should be more open about sex.

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    • chocolatestarfish

      Hell yeah! I don’t understand modern society’s need to be so hush-hush about sex. It’s not a sin people. I don’t hide anything! I do, however, agree that there is a time and a place….not at a job interview for instance.

      But seriously if you can’t talk about sex with your friends then who can you talk about it with? I suggest a therapist!

      It’s healthy, and fun, to talk about it. This is how we get new ideas, tips and have a giggle. Sexcapades gone wrong make for, in my experience, fabulous dinner party conversation! (with the right guests of course!)

      Power to the people!

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      • Wisedup

        “…Hell yeah! I don’t understand modern society’s need to be so hush-hush about sex. It’s not a sin people.”

        You would be ABSOLUTELY RIGHT if you also said that as long as sex is between a male and female MARRIED couple.

        ALL other sex is most definately A SIN. Read your bible. You’ll see. It’s not something to be taken lightly.

        God bless!

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  10. UMM?!

    hmm… I’ve tried it once with some old boyfriends, again I’d heard that some poeple enjoy it, plus, a little digitial stimulation there was nice. With these boyfs, it hurt straight away so we stopped before it even really happened. It wasn’t degrading at all!! BTW these were all long term loving relatioships.

    With my husband after many years I decided to give it another go. Being gentle, lubed and VERY SLOW. It worked and its very enjoyable, and its something we do to keep things spiced up.

    Again I don’t understand the whole degrading thing… anything can be degrading if thats the way its intended. E,g someone sensously feeding you strawberrys compared to some one forcing it down your throat!

    I don’t think I would do it without the loving confines ofa relationship. I know my husnad would never hurt me, and it can hurt if its not caring and gentle…

    Would I admit doing this to my gf’s? I dunno… I would if they did first! If I was cofortable I would admit to trying it, byt i’d be wary about talking about doing it regulary and enjoying! But then again I dn’t go into that much detail about my sexlife anyway. I’ve talked about it before I was married and my only comment was OW!

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  11. unsure...?

    question:

    so to cut a long story short, i think the guy i like may know that i’ve done A.S before

    i feel…i don’t know, ashamed ? embarrassed ? as though somehow i’m worth less than if he hadn’t found out. i feel cheap.

    ???

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    • chocolatestarfish

      And how does he feel about it? In general, and about knowing that you have done it? YOU are the only one that can allow yourself to feel degraded. If you enjoyed the experience then that’s great! If not, that’s fine too.

      He should respect whatever you do or do not want to do, regardless of what he WANTS you to do. Sex is a partnership, not a solo performance.

      Have a chat about it together and see what you get.

      Good luck! xx

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  12. Lou

    Men seem to love it and want it. My response is always “I’ll try it if you (he) will” and I have a very nice eight inch vibrator that will do the job. Men freak out completely at the thought of being anally penetrated. What is really revolting is men love the anal virgin and will try to tell you how much other women love it etc etc to try and get you to do it. It’s like any sexual act, only try something different with a partner you love and trust totally.

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  13. Annie

    My thought has always been that he must have homosexual tendencies if he prefers that hole to the other hole. I mean, why have a dirty, smelly sewage hole when you could have a warm, sweet donut?

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    • Anonymous

      Even if a man wants a woman to give HIM anal that in no way implies homosexuality. A woman’s anus is just that, a woman’s. Male Heterosexuality is NOT simple nor should simplicity be an expectation of straight men.

      Your comment is also down right offensive and ignorant towards homosexuality, which is considerably more than just anal or as you put it “dirty, smelly sewage hole” sex.

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  14. heidi

    i recently bought a book on anal because my husband really wants it. But the book made me realise nah its not something you should do unless you want it for yrself. I’ve liked it a few times over the years but mostly not. And after reading the book i realised why – u need lube, stretching, etc. If we were younger without kids maybe i would want to but too busy can’t be bothered. Would rather stick with the sort of sex i know i like

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  15. NO ENTRY: EXIT ONLY!

    I hate anal. My porn & sex obsessed ex boyfriend talked me into it several times. It burned like nothing else. We broke up after 3 years & in his opinion the fact that I didn’t like anal was “instrumental” to our break up. He was 30 & then hooked up with an 18yo for 5 years, who he manipulated so much she changed from a part time nanny & psychology student into a swinging, porn-loving strpper. They’ve broken up & she’s now a drug addict, stripping to support her habit.

    After my ex & I broke up I made it my mission to love anal. I was convinced that I would never have a successful long-term relationship if I didn’t give a man anal sex. I would spend hours with butt plugs & vibrators in my arse, desperate to stretch my anus out.

    When I met the man who is now my husband, I proudly offered my newly-stretched anal passage up for him. He looked at me, horrified. He almost yelled at me: “I would never, EVER do that to you. I love you. That is so disrespectful, not just to you but to your whole family. You’re someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, you’re going to be MY WIFE. What on earth would make you ask me to degrade you like that?”

    Needless to say, the butt plugs were thrown away & 10 years later anal sex is NOT part of our lives.

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    • JanelleC68

      Your name sums up my attitude entirely. I need to say no more on the topic.

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    • Kris2040

      Wow! That is so sad about your ex and his next girlfriend after you. Poor girl. :(

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    • Jil

      I keep re-writing my comment about your ex, but words fail me…

      but I really love the attitude of your husband. Mine is of the same view, and that’s fine with me!

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    • UMM?!

      I don’t understand why people think it’s degrading. Maybe once upon a time like all things. Back in the day i’m sure some men thought it would be degrading to have sex with a woman before he married her.

      I’m not judging, I would just like someone to explain that degrading thing..

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    • Pogrešan smer

      Your name really, really made me smile!

      And your story should be read out lout to people who still don’t get it.

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  16. Undecided

    I’m 19 and have never done anal. I was with my ex-boyfriend for over two and half years, lost my virginity to him etcetera. One day after we’d been together for at least two years he asked to put a finger up there. I was REALLY reluctant (because I guess I thought it was something only slutty girls did, as well as the whole cleanliness aspect) but he talked me around, and because I loved him and completely trusted him I let him…and actually ended up quite enjoying it…and the whole naughtiness aspect! After that it was an occasional thing. Now that we’ve broken up I’ve been casually seeing this other guy for about a month and I also let him do that, so I guess it’s totally lost the taboo for me and I do like it (not every time though).
    That being said I am still totally opposed to anal sex just because I can’t imagine how it would fit, that it would hurt and potentially be messy. I guess my position is that the area is DESIGNED for things to go OUT, not in! The whole poo thing really grosses me out as well, I would be mortified if I was to stain anything. I actually don’t even understand why guys are so keen to do it! I find the idea of me doing it to a guy TOTALLY repulsive, I am not in the slightest bit curious, and don’t even want to go anywhere near that area. i really don’t understand their attraction??

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  17. Each to Their Own

    Re the actual act of anal – I’ve done it (with two different guys – long term r’ships each time), who had big penises, but gentle natures! I’m 35 and now in a lesbian r’ship for 5 years and the girl and I have never done it. (I consider myself Bisexual and not into anything ‘extreme’ like fisting or weeing/pooing in sex or S&M etc – fairly “vanilla” sex is fine for me!)

    My first boyfriend at 16 talked me into having anal as an opportunity for him to lose his virginity but for me NOT to! HAH! Considering we’d “done everything else but” sex…I now can’t see how a cock in your vag will lose your virginity if 4 fingers wouldn’t, but anyway…So I agreed. (And I considered myself to be empowered, and we did a lot of research on it…including watching porn! HA HA.)

    Anyway, depending on how recently I’d done a poo (that was a difficult/mortifying/embarrassing pooey lesson to learn), it was generally a great experience! It was a power issue – my power – and I controlled the entry and it didn’t hurt, but you have to go slow, be relaxed, well lubed up and NOT have a poo in your anal canal! LOL! But he was great about it all. I developed a bit of thing for it and then not long after that, decided I’d “lose my ‘virginity’ to that guy”, so regular sex took over the anal. But it was a great taboo thing to do, it was about trust and “something special” for that guy. I liked it.

    I then also let the second long term r’ship guy do anal with me and we really enjoyed it as a “something different” thing. We also engaged in rimming (each other) and that was very intimate and fun, but I haven’t really done it since.

    As for porn…yes, it’s a more sexualised society, and I concur with some of Naomi Wolf’s views on this, but I’m not anti-porn, just anti-porn where it’s clear the woman is just a hole for the guy to f**k. I hate seeing pain and boredom on women’s faces in porn – it’s not a turn on for me. And I HATE seeing a guy f**k the woman in the arse and then make her suck his cock – that’s just YUK and degrading. Some men in porn adore a woman’s body and have sex with her in a honouring way – that’s fine to me and more of a turn on. Porn where the men have grimaces and slap and degrade the women they’re f**king, and clearly have no respect for the fact that he’s entering her, then it’s not cool. I do think porn has made anal more prevalent.

    The answer to all of that, though, is these kinds of discussions and sexual education for women – particuarly young women, to help with the issue the prolapsed bowels, anal fissures etc. Education, empowerment and instilling CHOICE for women in sexual matters is exactly what the focus should be – for both men AND women. Censorship won’t work (not only have we gone too far on porn now, but censorship only makes it go underground), education is the key.

    I think more women like anal than would admit it. I think secretly (and not so secretly) most men would love to give it a go. I like to think of anal as something as a ‘treat’…it’s not for ‘everyday’ (unless you’re a gay guy, arguably), but it’s a nice thing to do occassionally to spice things up!

    Ultimately, it comes down to “each to their own” and do what you feel comfortable. If that includes a cock (or cock substitute) up your arse, then so be it.

    (Note – I’ve used the ** in case saying “that word” would get me banned! LOL!

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  18. Call me unadventurous...

    Hmmm…I have to say I’m probably not qualified to comment(having not tried anal)but I have no desire to go there!
    I think it looks kind of painful and yucky.
    Quite happy to stick with regular and oral sex:)

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  19. teeheehee

    I’ve done it. a few times. First time was scary but I read up on it and went really slowly. I’ve enjoyed it, I’ve also not enjoyed it. You have to be pretty secure in yourself and your relationship to do it. I couldn’t imagine doing it with someone I just met. You need to know they’re going to take care and be gentle and stop when you want them to.

    I do agree however that it isn’t something that should be considered ‘normal’ or ‘standard’. I’ve done it yes, but I don’t consider it to be either of those things. I just like to push the envelope within the safety of a relationship.

    It really is pushed by pornography, and whether we like it or not, guys are influenced by it from a very young age. The thing is, how do we let them know that sex made for an audience isn’t what’s normally shared/experienced between 2 ‘normal’ (I use the term loosely!) consenting adults?

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  20. hmmm...today

    i am someone who *loves* it.
    My partner is exceedingly gentle and the way we first approached it was very intimate and relaxed. there has never been pressure, it came up one day and well i said let’s try it – never been shy in bedroom with this boy! turns out some days its great and others my body is not in the mood – my partner has never ever forced the issue – as he says – its all in my control -

    anal is something that both partners need to be willing to do, it cannot be a ‘slip’.

    LUBE is a must – whatever you think is too much, add some more!

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  21. caketime

    My ex (who was lovely, I should add) wanted to have anal and tried stimulation and lubricant but it just wasn’t helping…anal hurts! Needless to say, he didn’t push things any further and we didn’t try it again.

    I’ve heard that some guys view anal as a way to deal with contraception i.e. if she’s not on the pill and they don’t have a condom, anal is a way to avoid unwanted pregnancy. I don’t know how reliable such a measure would be but that’s what I’ve heard.

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    • chocolatestarfish

      Wow. That is seriously dodgy. NEVER allow anal sex without a condom. That’s just stupid. If a man ever suggested that to me I would be seriously worried!

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      • chocolatestarfish

        Oh I just read that back. I wasn’t calling you stupid caketime! I meant the dodgy men!

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    • Anonymous

      Anal sex still has the same risks as vaginal sex.. HIV/Aids and other STD’s.

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  22. Anita

    I’ve never done it, and always thought I might consider it once I reached my ‘dirty 30ies’ I’m 31 and still have no desire to go there.
    Also my partner is not small in the package department, and all I can think of is how much it will hurt!
    Hmmm, maybe in my 40ies….?

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  23. KC

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 years, and we used to do it every month or so. Since having had a baby a year ago, I’ve refused every time he asks for it. I figure that area has been through enough pain!

    When I think back to why I agreed to do it, I think it is from watching porn – him wanting to replicate what he saw, and me feeling (stupidly) like it was something lots of girls did – and wanting to please him. It’s sad really – but I do feel now, that I’m in a better place with regards to m self esteem, and don’t feel like I have to say yes just to make him happy.

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  24. Anonymous

    I’ve tried it….it hurts…..although a bit of stimulation in that general area is quite nice. I just think it’s weird that guys want to try it so much. Porn can be great to spice up the sex life but it has a goddamn lot to answer for when it comes to what men want/expect if they watch some of the real hard-core stuff. I mean….eeeek….people do some weird shit!!!

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  25. Miss. Muffin...

    Just in terms of the link between porn and expectations there was a great article in the paper a few weeks ago about Naomi Wolf. She was interviewed in regards to an essay she wrote in 2003 about the effects of porn on young mens sex drive. Her overall argument is that the widespread use and easy access to porn is having an effect on young womens self confidence and sexual security, as a result of the expectations placed on them because of porn. Here is the link to the interview: http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/lifematters/naomi-wolf-on-the-porn-myth-20100503-u3af.html

    There are definitely merits to this argument – porn is now very accessible and affordable, much more than when I was growing up. The effects of its use may not be SSSSOOOOO dire, but certainly there are increased pressures on both men and women…

    As some were discussing earlier – the expectation for women to remove some or all pubic hair is a new phenomenon. Most of the older women I know don’t wax, I do sometimes and Mr. Muffin’s 16 year old cousin is always hair free. And I certainly felt the pressure as a teenager. I do believe this change in attitudes towards pubic hair correlates with the exposure to pornography in which nearly every woman is hair free ‘down there’.

    Overall though, I am sure there are other factors that contribute to new ‘trends’ in sexual activity. Maybe society as a whole is more open to discussion about these things, rather than keeping everything behind closed doors? As a result people may feel less embarrassed about it and more open to discussing their sexual adventures! …I don’t know…

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  26. Battle Weary

    I have a lovely boyfriend whom I trust, he was interested so I thought we could try. But OWWww man it hurt from the word go so we quickly stopped.. also there were no mental kicks involved – it’s a poo hole.

    Also, Im battle weary from porn! I really enjoy sex, and what I thought was trying new things.. but a new posiiton (with the va-jay-jay) is nothing compared to what people are exposed to through porn.

    On the plus side, my boyfriend said real-relationship sex just makes him realise how bad/fake porn-sex is. So thats nice!

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  27. newmum

    In reference to the above statement….

    But all the men I know insist that some women love it. Which suggests that these women are lying to someone -either their friends or their sex partners.

    Perhaps it suggest that these men are lying….history suggest some men do tend to exaggerate sexual encounters…

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  28. St George

    Hey Mia,
    Just wondering, do you think your Mum will make a comment on this topic????!!!!!!

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  29. whoops

    I think porn has contributed. I also think recreational drug use, gay culture and getting more open minded has also contributed. Threesomes, bisexuality – the lot has become more normal.

    For me personally. I hated anal and never really got into it (massive willy anyone?). However, with my husband – we occasionally do it and I love it. Like REALLY love it. He’s not really a porn loving guy – in fact, he is quite the feminist so for him it is not about domination…just something different.

    By the way, I am in my 30s.

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  30. Anonymous

    I’ve tried it once with my boyfriend but it was SO painful it didnt last long and there is no way im doing it again!
    my boyfriend is under the impression all his mates and their girlfriends are doing it (im 20 nd he’s 24) but i thik that is for things coming OUT and not in! he ahs asked for it a few more time.. but its not going to happen

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  31. Kira

    I’m sorry but I just don’t get it, why would you want to do something that involves recommending that you “get an enema in the morning before you do it”??

    I also don’t understand why you would want to do it if you get mind-blowing orgasms from normal sex?

    For me, that area is an out passage only and the idea of sticking anything in there completely freaks me out! I mean just cause there’s a hole there doesn’t need you need to fill it!

    I had an ex-boyfriend who asked me to do it a few times over the many years we were together and each time the answer was “hell no”. I’m definitely not uptight in the sex department but I just don’t think that sex should involve faecal matter…

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    • AreYouSerious

      I know! enema in the moring to get you in the mood.. now that shitty.

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    • Clairebear

      My thoughts exactly!

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    • Leck

      To clarify… Some woman (and men) find it more Comfortable. Just as some woman take the pill to avoid a period.

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  32. kirby

    My husband hides some porn in his shed and I know (from finding them!) that the images in them have a lot of anal sex. Yes, he has asked for it (mostly when drunk) but I have ALWAYS said no. I think it would be the most degrading thing in the world to allow him to do it and it is definitely not my idea of an intimate act.
    I’ve only ever had one girlfriend admit to me that she’s had anal sex and it wasn’t something she enjoyed terribly.
    Perhaps I’m just a prude, but I say NO!!!

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  33. WollyWally

    I am not saint never been,and as you said that happen between consenting adult ect ect i just very confused about what is this post is aiming for, if it is for helping young girls not to fall for the pressure put on them to submit to AS?, I cannot put into words my feeling,I feel it missed the mark, should the question be ” how can we help younger women not to fall into the pressure put on them by porn to submit to AS? ” should we older experienced women help younger women not to fall for it? and also ” feminism and porno how porno degrade women?” love to all ooxx

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    • Anonymous

      Exactly WollyWally. EXACTLY.

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  34. !!!

    One word – e coli. Yuk!

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    • Anonymous

      That’s actually two words: e coli.

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  35. Jess Betts

    Hehe, funny post Mia!

    Me and my fiance have a no anal policy. He has asked for it before but i told him that when he lets me put something up his then he can do it to me.. lol, this seemed to work as he has stopped asking. He has never ‘slipped’ into the wrong hole, but i wouldn’t put it past him. I think its a man thing to want to give everything a go once.. Don’t know, havent read the other comments yet but am looking forward to other responses!

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  36. I have the answer

    no girl tell her friends that she is very submisive its rather common that women likes tit very very rough but only in bed and not outside. Its often shameful for them to talk about it among others. My estimated guess is 15-22% likes to be dominated (spit anal slap etc,)

    Dr.Sweden

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  37. anon

    My ex-boyfriend would watch A LOT of porn, didn’t really bother me that much but he would NEVER let me watch it with him, this annoyed me a bit. The thing was whenever we had sex he would say “let me f*** you up the a** baby!” needless to say that when I was treated with that little respect I was not keen and never ever did it with him. I truly believe it was the porn that he watched that made him think it was normal that everyone did it and that i was a prude for not participating. We also had the same issue regarding the removal of hair, he was so demanding that I did it (because of what he saw in porn) that I would flat out refuse and instead sported a very ’70s style down there, anyway I digress. Eventually I realsised this was not a relationship that was ever going to work and we broke up.

    My current long term partner however was a completely different story. The guy threw out any magazines he had as soon as we got together and has never watched porn since because I am all that he needs! Being treated with that kind of respect I know that I can absolutely trust him no matter what and as such I am more than happy to let him go there, in fact I LOVE it! It does really hurt, but wih lots of lube you quickly get past the hurty bit and it feels really really good. Actually I think I like it more than he does, but even though I enjoy it so much now, should the unthinkable happen and we break up, I would only ever do it again with someone I trusted completely.

    Also I like that its a special gift that I have only ever given to him. Perhaps, since sex before marriage is almost expected these days, we should hold anal close to us, for special people, much like a womans virginity was treasured and kept intact for a truly special man back in the day. Maybe?

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  38. chocolatestarfish

    Couldn’t resist using that name for this one!

    Look I actually quite like it :) I don’t *love* it, and you have to be able to trust the guy, but it can be nice.

    For me though, I must admit, it’s not so much a physical pleasure thing as a power thing. To quote SATC ‘There’s a certain camp that believes whoever holds the dick holds the power…’

    Yes, that can be true. BUT, one could also argue that it is empowering for the woman to ALLOW the man to do it. Especially if they both know he really wants to. A little power play on her behalf of letting him think she is doing it just for him can make her feel like she is in total control (which she is).

    It’s basically doggy style with a stigma – and who doesn’t like a bit of dirty taboo sex now and then?

    Anyway, that’s my two cents! But a bit of advice to anyone thinking about trying it for the first time – LOTS and LOTS of good quality lube (I suggest a brand called PJur) and have him be very very slow and gentle at first. Enjoy :)

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  39. Britt

    I’ve read that in Brazil alot of the young single women indulge in anal sex only, so that they are still technically virgins! WTF! I think they can hardly be considered as virgins because of the loss of their sexual innocence by performing lurid sexual acts!
    Those Brazilian women have alot to answer for! Brazilian waxes & anal sex! lol

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  40. Anon.

    Just…no.

    More power to people who are into it, but having tried it once I know it’s not for me.

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  41. Hmmm

    It’s funny, i talk about sex all the time with my girlfriends but anal never comes into the conversation. I’ve only heard a few stories of there being a slip during regular sex and causing alot of pain. Not one of them has ever admitted doing it.
    I’ve done it once or twice, but its not something i need or want really.
    I first did it with a long term boyfriend when I was around 20, and it was really great. Lots of lube, and really easing into it, it was a really great sensation.

    However, with my next long term boyfriend, i hated it. He was not as gentle and just tried to go for it and of course, that didn’t work. I nearly ended up in tears one night as it just HURT.

    I think if i ever do it again, it will only be with someone i really trust and feel safe with. I have quite a fear that my partner will end up with poo all over him, and i’ll be mortified.

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  42. amandarose

    My husband wasn´t very experienced when we met- he did watch porn and listened to his mates and expected anal/ brazilians to be the norm.

    Now he´ll have to spend a life unforfilled as I couldn´t think of anything worse.
    Men in this town expect it on a one night stand and I do think it is degrading in that scenario.

    I don´t get it- I worry about my kids growing up fed all this crap.

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    • Ms. Butlertron

      So do I, which is why I’m starting a ‘have only one computer per family and keep it in the living room’ collective if I ever have kids. Also possibly a ‘give your kids a crappy brick phone with no video or photo capacity’. Hopefully that’ll slow ‘em down.

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  43. LucyLaLa

    The general consensus seems to be that porn is getting more extreme and people attitudes therefore more blasé and a whole lot more aggressive.

    Tonight I was watching the news and they had a story regarding a 15 year old girl getting pack raped. They said the poor girl was followed off a train and dragged into a toilet block by the 4 offenders.

    One of the police in the sexual assault squad said that violent sexual crimes are becoming more frequent with the availability and ‘quality’ of porn on the internet.

    Of course this will be of no surprise to any viewers of pornography.
    As an occasional user myself I may have a little look once or twice a month. I’ve got to be honest often it takes me a long time to find something I want to watch as most of it I find degrading and in no way a turn on.

    I remember reading the comments to a video (to be fair they’re often quite funny and clever) but one stood out.
    The noter called the girl in the scene a “f***ing princess” because she never lets her on-screen partner ejaculate on her face or engage in the act we are talking about. (obviously his language was a little more graphic)

    This comment sums it the attitude of so many porn viewers and completely props up everything everyone has said.
    Because he paid to watch his girl (well, we didn’t pay but you know what I mean) she became an image, a doll. In no way was she a human being and in no way did he respect her as one.

    PS. As for the act itself I’ve never done, it doesn’t really interest me. No boyfriend has ever asked and nor have I.
    That said, if I was in a serious relationship and the idea was brought up I would entertain the notion. Although I couldn’t say which way I’d go (haha)

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  44. Meg

    I have had friends tell me its great… but personally.. thats an out-hole!

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  45. Jo M

    The main reason people I know have tried it (I haven’t) is out of curiosity, or because they feel like they’ve done everything else already and want to give their long-term partner something they haven’t given to anyone else.

    I wouldn’t say it’s the new oral aside from the taboo factor, and I do think it’s linked to porn/misconceptions.

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  46. m$m

    I think this is one of those sexual things that “out there” in the world is discussed only in relation to porn, power, changing ideas of sexuality etc etc. There are always those gung ho men who are into self-gratification whether through anal sex or whatever, and women who give up things they may not neccessarily want to because they have false understandings of intimacy. But, I think behind the closed doors in healthy, equal relationships, where lines of communication are open, many people would have tried anal sex, some may love it, some may like it occasionally and some may not really care for it. I have tried it with my boyfriend of a few years and it was one of those, hell, lets give it a go for fun and see! There is no ulterior power play or pornographic overtones. For adults in good relationships, anal stimulation can be an enjoyable part of sex, but I think eveything about sex is like that- everyone is different and it is something you should only do for the right reasons. I would certainly feel uncomfortable if I was with someone who pressured me for it, but I would feel uncomfortable about being with someone who pressured me for anything sexual.

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  47. Kris

    I’ve done it – didn’t like it but wasn’t really expecting it either – agree with the poo going back up comments.
    Last fella went the finger (during oral) but never asked or tried any more, and it didn’t do much for me, so it never went further. I do wonder though whether it was an invite for me to do it to him. Saw an ep of Diary of a Call Girl (the one with Billie Piper) and she put a condom on her finger and shoved it up the bloke’s bum to get him to come so she could bail!
    One of the few eps of SATC addressed this too – but Miranda liked rimming and she didn’t want to do it to her bloke, and the rest agreed I think.

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    • ChristieV

      Re. SATC – ‘tuccus-lingus’ i believe was the call! The guy kept shoving his bum in Miranda’s face. Very funny ep.

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      • Kris2040

        Yes that is the one!

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  48. Leck

    My first post…

    I am 23, have known my partner for 3 years. He shared his interest in it- we’re very open with each other. I agreed to try it. Without going into the gory details… It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Not sure of recent Porno had sparked his curiosity but he did his research about the right way to prepare me for it. He was really respectful and let me be on control. After experiencing it I believe that woman has just as much power in the experience. It’s bo something I’d do everyday but occasionally we will explore it.

    On a scarier note, I was reading my (just turned) 14 year old sisters journal and she mentioned her FRIEND and her boyfriend had anal sex on the weekend. It alarmed me and I’m obviously worried about the sexulisation of teenagers (oh my god they’re just CHILDREN) let alone experimenting with themes I hadn’t engaged in untill my twenties. Christ, I lost my virginity at 20! I do not want my sister exploring her body in that way untill her brain catches up!

    Gross gross gross.

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    • Kris2040

      Welcome, Leck! Brave first post! I agree, bit of a worry about your sister’s mate. You sound like a cool big sis, though, so maybe have a chat to her about it all?

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      • Leck

        thanks:) I kind of dived right in there didn’t I?

        Not sure how well it would go down “so, I was reading your journal and…..” haha. she thinks I cramp her style anyway (hello darling they’re my clothes you’re wearing). I’m just not sure how to honestly bring it up!

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        • Kris2040

          Oooh deffo a tough call. Could you pull off reading of Cosmo sealed section together or something? I’m the oldest too, and even though my little brother and sister have 5 kids between them, they SO don’t have sex. At least not for fun or anything wacky – just for the creation of my nieces and nephews!

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    • JanelleC68

      Welcome Leck,

      Maybe you could start up a discussion at an appropriate time about Mamamia and all the topics we cover, how you’ve started posting now, etc, and introduce this topic of conversation from this angle instead of the read-your-journal angle. Ask her what she thinks of the subject.

      I was reading about how it’s common for teenage girls to be giving blow-jobs on boys the school-bus!!!. What an imbalance of power that is. That thought horrifies me, as the mother of a 5yo who I don’t want to be pressured to be one of “those” girls, and the mother of a 14yo son who I’m hoping isn’t the type to be pressuring girls into it.

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  49. Louisa Ashton

    I’m only 17, never done it and I am not at all keen on the idea…my boyfriend jokes about it but I think underneath he might not be joking, he would never make me do something I’m uncomfortable with but sometimes I dunno…The concept just grosses me out really. However, the idea that porn has made it seem like the ‘norm’ really disturbs me. I have no problems with people who do it and enjoy it, that’s between them, but I shudder to think that 14 year old kids on the internet late at night will grow up to expect such things on a first date basis from girls my age or even younger.

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  50. no go zone

    forgive me if i am wrong but i always associated anal sex with men who secretly wished they were having sex with other men. not homosexual men, but men who just want to have sex with men. i know not all homosexual men have anal sex.

    i haven’t tried it, but having said that, after reading these articles i may be convinced to give it a go.

    i would like to know how people know when a good time is though?
    by a good time i mean after just after a poo? if you are someone that can go a few days between them, surely you have to be careful?
    sorry but i would hate to get the two mixed up as people have said can happen.
    also, what about haemorroids? surely they are not conducive to good anal sex?

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    • Leck

      If you’re curious it doesn’t hurt to do some research. There are some wonderful websites around that are quite informative, the ‘first time’ section os a nice way to read up on others experiences (and learn from their mistakes).

      Some people suggested taking an enema In the morning (if you are planning on trying later that day/evening) as it clears your bowels and makes it a bit more comfortable. I guess it depends on how well you know your body.

      I know a friend that tries it on her boyfriend with her hands. She told me she uses gloves as it grosses her out a little. Each to their own.

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