A group of mums has taken to online parenting platform Mumsnet to share the peculiar things their partners have told them during sex, bringing their best and brightest sex secrets into the open.
And they are equal parts awkward, cringeworthy and hilariously odd.
The ones who think everything is “theirs”
There’s nothing like being told parts of your body are owned by somebody else during sex, is there?
A user by the name of lottieandmia has vivid memories of such a thing occurring.
“One said ‘I’m yours, you’re mine’ over and over with every thrust – after that performance he never saw me again,” she said.
Another concurred, but said her partner at the time was a little more… specific as to what he claimed was his.
“Creepy guy I dated in uni used to look at my breasts and say ‘They’re MINE! They’re MINE!’ No mate, they are NOT.”
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The ones who do strange things upon climaxing
“A guy I was seeing used to start twitching the side of his mouth before he came. The first time it happened I thought he might be having a stroke! But no, it was just a thing he did,” lottieandmia added.
Meanwhile, user NotTheFordType said her partner once had a rather peculiar habit when about to orgasm.
“I’ve got one guy who exclaims ‘Holy macaroni!’ at the point of orgasm,” she wrote.
Another said a very grateful man once bid them a very formal “thank you” before dismounting, while one more said they once dated a “very posh ex-public schoolboy” who declared, “Here it comes. HERE. IT. COMES!” as he ejaculated.
The ones who, unfortunately, ruined the deed for themselves
One user said her strangest experience was with a guy who said "I hope I don't come" while having sex, perhaps missing the entire point of the activity he was engaged in.
"Spoiler - he didn't," she added.
And then there was the guy who was just a little bit too graphic with explaining what he wanted.
"Some guy once said to me he wanted to fill my face with cum. I can't say I found it appealing," another added. (Post continues after gallery.)
The ones with interesting (?) habits
If you thought loud sexual partners were bad, spare a thought for the ones who are having sex with people who are "completely silent throughout".
"I found it rather odd," one user said. "I didn't even know if he'd come or not and had to ask."
And then, finally, there's the story of the guy who used to "call out random bits of kitchenware" during sex. Examples include "Kenwood mixer" or "Ceramic hob".
So, you know, there's that.
Do you have any stories of your own to share? Please do.
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