We have to talk about something and that something is Adam Sandler and also David Spade.
Netflix plays host to some of the most beautiful, educational, must-watch films ever produced.
Think Pulp Fiction. Blackfish. The Thin Blue Line.
These are films which challenge and inform and entertain and leave us feeling like the 90 minutes of our life we’ve given up were well-spent.
None of these movies are the most-watched in Netflix history, however.
That title belongs to Adam Sandler’s The Ridiculous 6, a film about six (caucasian?) Native American brothers (they are also cowboys) who set out on a mission to track down their deadbeat dad.
Okay. Deep breaths.
First I challenge you to find me a critically-acclaimed film with the word ‘ridiculous’ in the title.
Here are some real-life quotes from the film.
"Lookie here. My day is made. I didn't even finish breakfast and I get to kill me a stinkin' Injun (Indian, obviously)."
"She's a virgin? I'm a virgin, too... unless you count cantaloupes."
"Well, I can play the piano with my dick."
Like every other Adam Sandler movie out there, David Spade and Rob Schneider feature heavily, both of whom are pre-pubescent boys trapped in the bodies of crusty middle-aged men.
The human race has collectively spent half a billion hours watching this movie.
500 million hours have been spent watching The Ridiculous 6.
Us. Humanity. The human race. We have done this.
We have watched an Adam Sandler movie for longer than human civilisation has existed.
"What?", I hear you say. "How? It's only a cheeky five hundo million hours."
Yeah so that's 57 000 years.
Back to, you know, The Stone Age.
Since the release of The Ridiculous 6 (it also annoys me that '6' is numeric rather than alpha) in December 2015, the amount of time we've spent watching takes us further back than the oldest known cave art. Back then, Sandler's humour was also criticised on the basis of it being too primitive.
Netflix released the following statement to its lucky shareholders:
"We continue to be excited by our Sandler relationship and our members continue to be thrilled with his films."
Yeah see that's not true. We all dislike it. Immensely.
"That's just your opinion Luca," I hear you say. "It's unfair to judge the entire film when it's just you that hates it."
It's not really, given 46 out of the 64 reviews on Netflix give the film one out of five stars.
One user found a way to award zero stars, which I didn't know to be possible.
If for whatever reason you DO find yourself wanting to check out the film on Netflix, it's in the comedy section, which is a mistake.
"This movie would be a good torture device for the CIA to torture terrorists with." - anonymous Netflix user review
The whole thing is very politically incorrect - and not that clever type of political incorrectness that makes you go 'OH MA GAWD did... did he just say THAT.'
Rather, the type that makes you say "Yeah nah", and go take a long shower.
And for the Sandler fans out there, never fear.
You can watch The Ridiculous 6, here. But don't.
Have you watched The Ridiculous 6?
Listen: The Get Down is the most expensive show on Netflix. But was the generous budget worth it? Laura Brodnik and Tiffany Dunk discuss, on The Binge. (Post continues after audio).