Dave Thornton. No wedding ring.
By DAVE THORNTON
My first serious relationship involved some really bad poetry and way too many physical interactions that finished with the word ‘sorry’.
However, all that aside, one stand out memory was an argument we had about wedding rings. I‘ve found out again and again in relationships that most of my seemingly innocuous opinions are fired off with no forethought about the retribution. (Yes mum “think before you speak, David.” I’m aware….)
I said: “I don’t think I’d wear a wedding ring on my left hand because I’m left handed. As a matter of fact I’m not sure if I would ever wear a wedding ring.”
This was then met with the kind of vitriol usually reserved for someone who said ‘I just committed mass genocide’. She was furious. Livid. One Direction fans who find out the band has been replaced with nothing but 45-year-old mums livid. Because I was 21 and getting married had about as much allure as getting my toenails ripped out by pliers and bathing in lemon juice our relationship ended fairly soon after.
That issue lay dormant until today, when evoking the same off hand attitude, I revoiced to my Mamamia Today co-host Em Rusciano my opinion of not wearing a wedding ring after I get married.
“WHY DON’T YOU WANT TO WEAR A WEDDING RING!!!?!?!?!?”
At least she wasn’t getting too carried away with the argument. #shewasfurious
To me, a wedding ring is a nice tradition but it doesn’t define the relationship. I don’t think I’ll be smitten with my wife but then as soon as I take the wedding band off I’m Tiger Woods circa 2010.
Also, to do something because ‘it’s tradition’ holds about as much weight as ‘my dad used to say it’ (thank you Mr A. Jones). What I’m saying is ‘the jewellery would be annoying’ not ‘the vows we just exchanged mean nothing and the gold you spent on me may as well have spent on a new car because I’ll be sharing myself around like a teenager on Viagra’.
She then pointed out, amongst other possibilities, that it wasn’t that much of an annoyance compared to not showing my would-be-wife my commitment.
I suppose the same could be said for women taking their husband’s name. That shows commitment. It’s traditional. Or so we thought.
I know men that got a watch instead of a ring. I know men who wear the ring around their necklace in a very John Travolta Saturday Night Fever-esque way (who know look so sleazy that no woman would go near them).
Hell, you could wear crotchless undies from your partner, but whatever you wear (or don’t) doesn’t affect the love you have for someone.
If you’re married, do you wear a wedding ring? And if you’re not married, would you wear a wedding ring?
Check out the gallery of male celebs who do….
Michael Buble wearing his wedding ring
Dave Thornton is one of the hosts of Mamamia Today (that’s right! We’re on the radio! At 3pm weekdays!) and is known for his free flowing humor and extensive experience across TV, radio and stage, including regular appearances at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.
Comments
88 Comments so far
My Dad would never wear a ring because a friend lost a finger when his ring got caught in a machine at work.The daymy umdied h put it n nd hasn’t taken it off since.
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It’s the ring they hold inside their heart that matters
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My hubby can’t wear a ring on his left hand due to an injury So when we married I put it on his right hand, though neither he or I were hugely concerned about him having a ring, I liked the idea. However in his work as a machinist and the fact he’s very outdoorsy and always working outside around the place means he doesn’t wear it. If we go somewhere and he or I think of it he puts it on, but after 14 years we rarely think of it.
A ring on the finger isn’t the most important thing in our relationship.
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Grammar:
(who know look so sleazy that no woman would go near them).
know should be now
Thanks!
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I think the wearing of a ring is a personal choice for each person.
When my parents married 48 yers ago my father chose to wear a ring when it was not the norm for a guy. He was devastated when lost it earlier this year. He had one goal in the timing of a replacement – to get a new ring before walking me down the aisle in July and he did.
When my huband and I discussed if he wanted a ring I half thought he would say no as between not wearing it work for safety reasons and also do surf livesaving he would not have many chances to wear one. He chose to have a ring and wears it proudly as much as he can. But it is his choice and one each person should be free to make.
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Saw this discussed on the “Grill” this morning, my husband & I have been married for 20 years. We both have rings, however as a farmer, he only ever wore his if we were going out somewhere. This year on his 43rd birthday he suffered a major stroke, he spent 3 months in a rehab ward, during that time I took his wedding ring in for him just as a tangible reminder. Now home and still relearning walking and talking it is something he refuses to take off. We never had strong feelings about our rings as symbols but its now something we share that has taken on so much meaning.
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I hate rings. When I get married will have to have a locket or something? But I am never comfortable in rings, I fidget endlessly and play with the stupid thing. I just don’t like them. So I won’t wear one. Easy.
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When I was with my fiancé, I was so stoked to be with him that I adored having the symbol of our relationship on my finger, as a reminder of him (cute heart swelling every time I glanced at it) and as a reminder of the depth of his love and commitment. Now that we’re not together (yes, apparently rings come off – who knew?), the idea of wearing a ring on my finger to declare me ‘taken’ seems imposing – but I know that’s only because I’m not in love right now.
In short, to me, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t WANT to wear your wedding ring*. Why wouldn’t you want to declare that commitment and relationship to everyone? Why wouldn’t you be proud to wear a symbol that someone has chosen you above all others, and that you have found someone that you’re also prepared to chose above all others? I would be hurt if my husband didn’t want to display that commitment. Why get married at all if you don’t want to? Just be de facto and just avoid the question!
*completely understand that a lot of people can’t for work safety reasons. Not talking about those people. Don’t yell at me!
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I don’t like rings and I feel panicky when I’m wearing one, like I can’t get it off. I got a ring stuck on my finger when I was a little girl and have felt that way about rings ever since. Can you give me a good reason why I should wear one, despite how I feel when I have one on?
Wearing/not wearing a ring doesn’t have to be about how committed a person is. It’s not like people who wear the rings never have affairs, or abandon their spouses, or are abusive or neglectful.
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I would say you fall into the “can’t” category then. There’s a difference between being distressed by wearing one and just don’t wanting one, or not being effed.
You asked me to provide reasons as to why a ring should be worn – but I think the whole tradition of marriage already does that. You do it because it shows you’re taken, that you have a life long monogamous commitment to someone, that you chose them above all others, etc etc. Because those things are important to me, it would be hurtful to me if my partner didn’t want to wear his ring. If he knows it’s important to me and would be hurtful if he didn’t wear a ring then I’d hope he had a beter reason to not care about my feelings than just not liking rings. That’s a cop out. I don’t like never being able to sleep with brad pitt if the opportunity ever arises (it probably will, right?) but marriage is about compromises.
As I said, “I” can’t understand why people wouldn’t want to and “I” would feel hurt if my husband didn’t. That doesn’t mean that you have to wear one! Every marriage is different for a reason!
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My wedding band is one I wouldn’t have chosen, but then I don’t like wearing rings in general. To me, tradition is a beautiful thing. People love to make a point about getting married but not following tradition or how it means something different to them.
I wasn’t old fashioned about marriage until I became married in a foreign country where marriage is more than a contract between two people. Here, I was written into my husbands family register: their history.
It means a lot to me that they have given me their son and embraced my family too. That they treat me as a daughter. My wedding band symbolises more than love or promises. It symbolises a commitment to joining two families, continuing their legacy on a shared path, honouring both histories and of course, being a committed and caring wife to my husband. My husband also wasnt into rings, but he wears our ring with incredible pride and conviction. It’s not about monetary value or personal designs, to us it is about being proud of our commitment and having a constant reminder of what our marriage means to us
.
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None of my parents have wedding bands and my husband’s dad doesn’t either.
We have wedding bands even though my husband only wears his when he isn’t working and never at home. I’m not too fussed about that, but I would have liked to have kept my maiden name…
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I realise that it’s considered cool & edgy to buck tradition, but I wear my wedding ring and I’m bloody proud to wear it.
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My dad doesn’t wear a ring because he doesn’t wear jewellery and he’s said that in Russia men don’t usually wear them.
When I get married I’d like to get a ring, though something not very in-your-face with a huge diamond! If my future husband doesn’t want to wear a ring, then it will be fine with me, though I’ll be a bit disappointed… Only because I love how wedding rings look on men! Rings in general. Nothing girly, but a thick band on one finger is so sexy, IMO. It’s why I reckon my hot geography teacher is so much hotter than all my other friends think he is. He wears a ring on his middle finger haha!
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I have no issue with people wearing rings, it’s not to my taste personally but I like that people are carrying on traditions.
However, I think that insisting on your partner wearing a ring so that ‘people know he’s/she’s taken’ or so that ‘he/she can prove their love or commitment’ is a sign of insecurity in the relationship.
If they’re gunna cheat, they’re gunna cheat… a wedding band is not a weapon against infidelity. If that’s what they want to do then they’ll do it regardless of whether there’s a ring on their finger.
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My husband was never getting married, thought weddings where a load of crock, rings where stamps of ownership and kids where for people that had no common sence.
Yup he married me, we have children and he wears a ring. The ring was his choice he and I feel it’s a symbol of everything we have been through to get to each other it’s a symbol of our day and a symbol of our future together. I guess it’s an each to their own type of thing but I like the fact he likes wearing his wedding band surprisingly it means a lot to me.
He works in an industry where it is unsafe to wear one so he just doesn’t wear it to work but wears it every other time
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My husband doesn’t wear a wedding ring except for when we go to weddings which is nice. I think he looks like even more of a hottie when he wears it and tell him so continuously when he’s got it on, but he just finds it annoying on his hand and a bit too ‘traditiony’. I haven’t changed my name though so I guess we’re about even.
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My parents have been married for nearly 25 years and my dad has never had a wedding ring at all, it doesn’t bother my mum at all that he didn’t want one as he doesn’t like wearing jewellery. For the last 5 or so years my mum hasn’t worn her wedding/engagement rings except for special occasions eg going out, as she has to wash her hands constantly at work with hand sanitiser and they got all clogged up with it, plus she figured that it probably wasn’t that ideal to expose the stones constantly to the chemicals
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Hell, I don’t even want to wear an engagement/wedding ring. Let’s pool the money we’d otherwise spend on jewellery and go on one kick arse holiday
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When we got married last year I did not give my husband a ring. He doesn’t wear jewellery and it would have been put in a drawer. Personally I think that would be worse to have a “symbol” of our vows and love be put in a drawer. He gave me a ring and I wear it every day but there’s no way I’d be upset that he doesn’t wear one.
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what did you do in the ceremony… i’m seriously curious.
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i didn’t really want my husband to have one- and he didn’t want one either so if suited us. not a tradition in my family. I’ve always thought jewelry on men looks a bit effeminate.
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My partner and I are engaged and he wears a ring on his finger every day. He hardley ever takes it off and I’m always wearing my engagment ring.. I think wearing a wedding ring proves you really love the person your married to.
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I think there are plenty of things that prove you really love the person you are with. Treating them with respect, making them feel special, taking their feelings and wishes into consideration, listening to them, being honest etc. Wearing a metal band around a finger isn’t what cuts it for me as being the ultimate way of someone proving they really love me – they have to do more than that.
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So because my husband chose not to have a wedding ring he hasn’t ‘proved’ his love for me? What rot.
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and my parents 40 year marriage has been based on a lie!!!
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what! wearing a wedding ring proves you really love the person your married to??? I suppose spouses who are treated badly by their partners should have known that would have happened via the vital clue of the missing wedding ring.
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My partner and I are engaged and he wears a ring on his finger every day. He hardley ever takes it off and I’m always wearing mycengwgment ring.. I think wearing a wedding ring proves you really love the person your married to.
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It doesn’t PROVE anything. Other than you wear a ring. Love can’t be measured in pieces of jewellery.
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I think not wearing a ring sends a message to others about your desire to publicly show commitment.
My husband wears one unless he’s on site for work or going surfing. I suggested he not take it on an overseas boys surfing trip.
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My partner and I are not married, we don’t wear rings and he shows his commitment to me publicly every day.
If we marry I doubt he’ll choose to wear a ring. If he wants to then that is great, I personally find rings on men a bit vulgar though so I kind of hope he doesn’t!
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When my parents got married my father flatly refused to wear a ring as it was too girly… he decided a necklace would suit better (go figure?)
my fiance doesn’t want to wear a ring either… he is afraid of workplace injuries. We have planned to have a tattoo artist at the ceremony to get a band inked on… I won’t get mine done however, ink + blood + wedding dress doesn’t sit well with me
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Ironic that the first photo is of Michael Buble. Apparently a complete sleaze. I hope he’s changed his ways since he got married…
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Based on your intimate personal knowledge of the man I’m guessing?
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Didn’t he come out and do a bunch of interviews a few years ago stating that he had been having a string of affairs, and how ashamed of himself he was?
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I’m single and have never been married so I can’t guarantee that I won’t change my mind down the track, but I can’t imagine that I would wear a wedding or engagement ring, mainly because I’m not a huge jewellery person and especially not on my hands. My dad, neither of my grandfathers and one of my grandmothers have never worn wedding rings and my mum had her engagement ring cut off after the diamonds fell off. Funnily enough, my parents and grandparents have never doubted their commitment to each other and no one has ever questioned whether they were married. It’s probably because of this that I wouldn’t expect my hypothetical husband to wear one.
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I got a ring stuck on my finger when I was a little girl and freaked the hell out. If I put on a ring these days and I can’t slip it off my finger immediately, I can feel the panic building. It’s almost a claustrophobic feeling. But to wear a ring that comes off that easily isn’t really safe, unless you want to lose it. So if I got married, I wouldn’t wear a ring.
My parents have been married 38 years. Dad has never worn his ring, except on the actual wedding day. He just doesn’t like rings. Mum doesn’t care. She does wear hers though. Hers actually doesn’t come off now. I get a little panicky just thinking about that but she doesn’t seem too fussed.
Whether or not you wear a ring doesn’t have to mean anything about how committed you are to your spouse and I find it a little silly how hysterical some people seem to get about it.
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I was going to say that same thing, fightofyourlife, and also to reiterate something that some other commentors have said, that in jobs where you have to work with your hands, there are situations where it isn’t safe to wear a ring.
Having said that, what about a tattoo of a wedding ring, Dave? No annoying jewelry to deal with, and a lifetime commitment!
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My hubby has a wedding band and wears it when we go out, but he works with his hands and for safety reasons he doesn’t wear it to work. It doesn’t’ bother me but our son who is 7 teases me that Daddy doesn’t love me because he doesn’t wear his wedding ring. LOL.
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My parents have been married for 31 years. Dad has never had a wedding ring. Ergo, I don’t think wearing a scrap of gold on your finger makes a marriagebetter/more committed.
Horses for courses. I’m personally not a jewellery person and can’t see myself wearing a wedding ring (should I ever decide to get married) either.
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My colleague recently got engaged. She has a “Kardashian” ring – its absolutely beautiful but its masssive and due to its size I think its the most impractical ring I have ever seen. I
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My brother doesn’t wear a wedding ring because at his wedding his wife got a ring and he got a surfboard… which he dinged on the honeymoon.
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My husband and I both have rings and they are rarely ever removed. To us they are a symbol ofour commitment to each other. That is just the way I feel and I have no problem with anyone who chooses not to.
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same as my hubby and I, and we don’t care what anyone else does.
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My husband had a wedding band, but lost it one day while gardening. He searched for ages, but wasn’t sure when it had come off, and he was pretty upset about it at the time. Three years later, while my mother was staying with us, and doing some planting in our garden she dug up something shiny. Turns out it was his wedding ring! I was much more emotional at the finding than the losing. Guess he’s a keeper!
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i dont wear a ring. I chose my ring when I was 23 and I had really bad taste and a very small budget and its horrid. I accidentally knocked the diamond out several years later and never got around to getting it replaced.
Every few years, hubby offers to buy me a replacement ring but I;m not really a jewellery person and I would rather spend the money on something else.
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I think its nice when a man has the confidence to wear a wedding ring.
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I’m not sure if it’s a “confidence” thing, but more a personal preference.
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I’m not married but my Dad doesn’t wear a wedding ring. It’s not because he doesn’t love Mum or anything it’s because he’s a farmer and he’s worried that it’s going to get caught on the machinery. For the same reason he doesn’t wear watches
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EXACTLY what I was about to write!
My Dad has never worn one because he’s a farmer and its a safety thing. My husband works in a farming environment and I agree with the safety thing so never expected him to wear his ring.
He does, however, have one. We exchanged rings, he wore it that night and the next day, took it off, put it back in its box and its at the bottom of my wedding dress hanging back to this day – 7 years later.
A ring to me doesn’t define the marriage or the vows – I’m with Dave on this one – maybe that’s becuase I’ve seen men with wedding rings on blately cheat on their wives??
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my fella wears a wedding ring AND a bangle. They are totally surfalicious.
He takes them off when golfing, swimming, mowing,digging, plumbing, sleeping, on golf trips with mates…
so I guess he just thinks of them as Nice Jewellery that shouldn’t be messed up.
I totally get that some people can’t wear them, my finger goes manky underneath if I leave it on 24 hours/day.
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I’ve told my partner that if he was to propose, I would much prefer a beautiful claddagh ring than a traditional engagement ring and I’d just keep that for my wedding ring as well. I wouldn’t care if he wore one or not. He probably wouldn’t but it wouldn’t bother me either way.
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I have one, but I don’t wear it. Hopefully, my wife isn’t reading this, but I’m unsure exactly where it is right now.
It just seemed to get really uncomfortable in night clubs and bars.
Joke. Joke! Calm down.
I have no reason for not wearing it other than it feels like a soggy band-aid around my finger when I do. The only jewellery that I can tolerate is a light watch.
My wife is unperturbed, I get more grief from my MIL and SILs. When I explained how my finger gets all hot and sweaty on dance floors in the Cross, they calmed right down and saw my side of it.
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My husband and I both developed allergic reactions to our wedding rings, so niether of us wear them.
It hasn’t seemed to have done the marriage any harm though: this Halloween will mark 10 years.
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I work with about 15 diesel fitters – all of them married and none of them wear wedding rings. Every single one of them has a horror story regarding workplace injuries caused by wedding rings so none of them will risk it, even my boss who has been off the tools for 10+ years still doesn’t wear a wedding ring and his reasons have nothing to do with the state of his marriage. My partner is an electrician so if we were married and he didnt wear a ring I wouldnt be fussed either, I’d rather he be alive to love me than dead because of an accident at worked caused by a piece of jewelry.
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My partner is in the same boat. Though I think I’d still like him to have a ring for the ceremony… and for going out, special occasions etc. Realistically, I know he’ll almost never wear it!
I was a bit upset when he first indicated he’s not keen on having a ring, but when I thought about it properly, I don’t feel like its such a big deal. My dad has had a couple of rings over the past 30 years but I’ve NEVER seen him wear one, he always seems to “lose” them!
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My hubby works in the same environment, he still has a ring, he just doesn’t wear it work but it gets worn every other time. I used to work with diesel fitters too and found only the older ones didn’t have one at all whilst the younger generation where a lot like my husband
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I went to a wedding on the weekend where the bride and groom already had commitment bands and just re-affirmed them as wedding bands. I thought that was nice.
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My dad, 70 not-out, has never worn his wedding ring. Actually that’s wrong – he has worn it on 2 symbolic occasions – 1. His wedding day and 2. My wedding day. Both times held great meaning to him, but as for every day? He just finds it annoying. My mum doesn’t care at all – she knows that wearing a ring wouldn’t ‘make’ him be faithful, or more attractive to other women. Yes, my mum’s an enlightened, groovy chick, but more to the point, my dad is just downright loyal.
I was so used to this as a concept that I have been quite surprised by my husband’s fierce attachment to his own wedding ring. He refuses to take it off, even at times that I would think are quite sensible (eg he is a doctor – there are many occasions in his day when I think it would be a GOOD THING not to be wearing a ring but he says good hand washing and glove wearing is more important.)
Me on the other hand? I take my rings on and off many times in a day – I find them irritating when gardening or even typing at the computer sometimes.
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My current partner has asked could he wear a ring on his right hand instead as he plays guitar and only has small hands so it would get in the way of getting his hand around the guitar, plus he is also a welder and cant wear it for the most part when working as metal conducts heat so I understand the problem
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This to me seems totally normal. My dad has never worn a wedding ring in the 30years he’s been married to my mum (they’re still together). Never even bought one for the day. He said it was a waste of money because he has never and will never wear any sort of jewellery. It’s just not him and it would annoy him and he would probably lose it anyway. He put his “ring budget” into mums which she was obviously stoked about haha
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I’m about as far from getting married as a person could get, so I’ve never given it much thought beyond the fact that I don’t like gold (I once offended a female friend by suggesting a ring could be cheap as long as you liked it), but really I don’t see why the ring has to be so important. My dad works with his hands all day and doesn’t wear his ring except for special occasions. My mum has replaced her ring a few times for ones that are more practical, or suit her current tastes better. They never spent a lot on any of them. Maybe we’re all cheap, or are we just practical?
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I think my partner did a jig of glee when I told him I wasn’t interested in having an engagement ring and please don’t buy me one when the time comes. Lots of other women think I’m bonkers (bonkers to me would be spending thousands of dollars on something I don’t care much about – jewellery. I already own rings I don’t wear, I don’t need to add to the collection.) Some say I sold out too easy and should have said I’ll have something else instead, lol!
I’m not sure about wedding rings either. We had a chat one day that we weren’t sure if we wanted them or not. A male friend I mentioned this too thought that they won’t marry us without them (pretty sure they will) and that the symbolism is important (I care about the symbolism that is important to my partner and I, not to the audience at our wedding). I haven’t decided either way yet though what my preference is. We both find rings a bit annoying to wear but I suppose I’d get used to it after a while and wouldn’t notice anymore. I don’t see a ring as necessary to advertise to the world that my partner is taken and to back off though – he doesn’t wear a ring now as my de facto and somehow manages to keep the swarm at bay and stay committed to me.
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i hear you loud and clear. i’ve been married for 25 years and although i wore my wedding rings on the day, i’ve never worn them since. The rings don’t in any way define my feelings for my OH or the commitment i have to our relationship.
The rings were bought for the ceremony, as ‘that’s what you did’, but i decided that i didn’t want to wear them for a variety of reasons; one of which was/is that the wearing of a ring to show others of my commitment to my relationship seemed/seems ridiculously archaic . OH isn’t concerned that i don’t wear wedding/engagement rings and nor should he be as my commitment is evident in my actions and moral belief system eg fidelity to him.
If people choose to wear wedding rings based on the symbolism of them, that’s fine, but if others choose not to invest in the symbolism of rings then that’s fine too. I choose to let my moral belief system and behaviour be the symbols of my commitment to my OH rather than a ring.
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My husband has never worn his either. He hates jewellery so I wouldn’t expect him to wear it. 12 years later and he finds other ways to demonstrate his commitment and the fact he likes being married to me. As for wanting to advertise that he’s ‘taken’ it wouldn’t stop some women anyway and I would hope a one minute conversation would be all it took.
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It’s fine as long as both agree. But if a guy has an expectation that his wife should wear a ring, and he doesn’t need or want to, then that may be an issue. First question in that case would be – why? I’ve experienced this in my group of friends and it caused a huge fracas. I thought it reeked of a double standard, and the wife in question chose not to wear hers – purely to make the point. Well, didn’t that cause a stir… but the eventual result was that the husband put his ring back on. More symbolism than we care to admit?
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As I posted above, my hubby was like your friends. He could never explain why and I’m pretty sure he wasn’t out to try to look single and be a sleaze bag, but still thought it was okay for only me to have a wedding ring. Fortunately it was sorted out before we ordered wedding rings and he now wears his when we’re out or he’s not working with his hands etc.
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I was married about 6 weeks ago and all along leading up my now husband said he wouldn’t have a ring. At first I was a little offended but then I thought why should he? Just because I have one doesn’t mean he needs to. I know he loves me by the commitment he made to me on that day. Also he would only be able to wear it on weekends as he can’t wear it at work.
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I wouldnt have married my husband if he didnt wear a wedding ring. It may be tradition, but I think its a very valid one. It symbols to everyone that you are married and commited to the person, ya know the whole “with this ring I thee wed”. My grandfather doesnt wear a wedding ring and I find it insulting to my grandmother who only ever looks after his every whim! Being a left hander is a poor excuse to not wear one! I wear rings on my right hand and im right handed. If it means a lot to the one you love, then why not do it?
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It only became commonplace for men to wear wedding rings after WW2 apparently, before that it was just the ladies. So it’s not a very long tradition anyway and perhaps was not in place when your grandfather married?
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