Last night, while crusing around the Interweb, I read the most funny, honest, interesting story by a mother who is struggling to wean her 17 month old son. She’s ready pretty much. He’s not.
Ronda Keysen writes:
It’s two in the morning and I’m on the toilet. This would be a
mundane experience if it weren’t for the toddler standing beside me
nursing. My son is seventeen months old and still breastfeeds. I intended it
that way. After reading oodles of attachment parenting literature, I
decided that letting my child self-wean on his own time was best. What
I didn’t anticipate was…..
…..how totally freaky and unnerving the whole
experience would be.
Believe it or not, letting him suckle while I’m on the toilet
pre-dawn is the path of least resistance. What would happen if he
didn’t tag along? He would sit up in bed and scream for his “Na Nas,”
formerly known as my breasts, until they returned.
They are his breasts now. He strokes them lovingly through my shirt
and cups them with his palms. He blows raspberries on them and giggles.
He nurses in a toddler variation of Downward Facing Dog while
simultaneously thumbing the pages of Goodnight Moon. He slaps
my chest with both hands and shouts, “Na Na! Na Na!” when I’m trying to
discuss the finer points of a leaky faucet with the plumber. I am the
body attached to his breasts.
When he displays his more theatrical nursing techniques in public or
around people other than my husband, I find myself sheepish and
embarrassed. I worry that someone will find this whole situation
repulsive: a slapping, grunting, gulping little man waddling along
beside me, clamped to my nipples.
And then I feel guilty. He’s still just a baby — a very mobile baby,
but a baby. And he’s right to see nothing shameful or wrong about his
antics. But despite all the books and reassuring words about going at
your child’s pace, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m judged as a
weirdo because I haven’t figured out how to wean this kid. I thought
I’d be able to get over the cultural taboo that breastfeeding a toddler
is strange. But the scolding voices are there in my head: “A child who
can walk and ask to nurse doesn’t need to nurse anyway… If he’s old
enough to unlatch your bra himself, he’s too old to be doing it at all.”
Top Comments
I think the below post from 'Guest' highlights an important aspect of this. if you're breastfeeding a toddler, and certain contexts are making you uncomfortable, it's perfectly fine to 'spot wean' - to have certain contexts where you no longer feed, even though your child is far from weaning totally. I reached a point where I consistently said, "No, not here, have some water / sultanas" to my daughter when on the train. She was OK with this, even though at first, I had to promise she could have it when we got home / somewhere quieter or more private. (NB I avoided talking in terms of privacy with her, as I didn't want it connected later in her mind with toileting.) Toddlers are old enough to know that breastfeeding has to be equally enjoyable, painless and comfortable for both themselves *and* mum.
Although breast-feeding was incredibly difficult and not easy until at least the 12 week mark, I breast-fed (with formula feeds that I felt very sad about but that were necessary due to severe nipple damage on both sides) my first son until he was 27 months old. I breast-fed my second son (who had no formula whatsover at any stage) until he was about 3 years 2 months, when I had to wean him leading up to my diagnosis with a blood cancer. The early weeks of breast feeding were so difficult, but I can say that for me breast feeding turned out to be one of the greatest joys of my life. Both boys had good nursing "manners" and mainly only had morning and night feeds as they got older, so public perception never came into it. If I hadn't done heaps of reading from ABA I wouldn't have stuck with it. But best wishes to all mothers out there, and just follow what feels right for you. Whatever you do, don't waste any time with mother guilt!