The honeymoons are over, folks! These poor bastards got four days to undertake some conflict-causing holiday activities (horse-riding, crocodile canoeing, bed-sharing) before being rushed right back to the real world.
My spidey senses tell me that all of these couples gave it up (sexually) on their honeymoons, though rudely none of them would tell us any juicy info about freaky peccadilloes such as dirty-talk, or post-sex crying.
Never mind, maybe that’ll come later, when they’ve stopped even pretending to like each other.
In Sydney, Christie’s packing to move to Mark’s Victoria farm, which will never work in a million years, no matter how many pairs of cowboy boots she packs.
She arrives, wearing the boots and a flannelette shirt, to pronounce that the house is like “going back in time.”
“It reminds me of my school,” she says, bafflingly.
Xavier is preparing to welcome Simone into his “man space”. He has done his hair in its best quiff and is wearing his tightest shorts. He’s ready.
He has neglected to make any space for her in his anally-organised wardrobe. He offers her some shelf space in his TV stand.
In Melbourne, Clare is preparing her French bulldog Dutchy for Jono's arrival. Clare conducts a conversation with the dog, but it's clear the canine is not actually responding but rather suffers sinus issues from years of selective breeding.
Clare has thoughtfully bought Jono a T-shirt to remind him of his honeymoon tantrum.
Top Comments
I started watching the second episode but it made me so angry I've vowed never to look at it again. However, I will read every one of these updates because it seems like Alex has nailed it! Very funny
The interaction between Clare and Jono was actually uncomfortable to watch. In this regard the "professionals" got this dead wrong and should probably re-think their career choices:
1) Jono is a douchebag who has a lot of growing up to do, would never find a woman like Clare attractive (he clearly stated that he likes petite brunettes - and before you jump on the "looks aren't everything" bandwagon, I agree...but they are usually where things start), has anger management issues and has no intention of sticking this out;
2) Clare thinks she's God's gift to men and that everything she says and does is cute and hilarious, when all of that is incorrect. She can't understand that other people have different senses of humour and different boundaries.
I feel that this couple was set up from the outset, purely for entertainment purposes (because, duh, it's a TV show); however, I'm not the biggest fan of watching these sort of arguments constantly unfold - it was like being at a dinner party when a couple airs their dirty laundry.
Xavier's morning hair routine, however, was the stuff of legend.