opinion

"Married at First Sight's Bella doesn't want kids, and it was glorious to hear her say it."

 

Last night, Australia’s reality TV fans were treated to a rather spectacular dinner party bust-up on Married At First Sight.

But while the bickering continues over whether Bella overstepped boundaries by incessantly probing her fellow contestants’ sex lives, or if Keller has some underlying anger management issues for snapping to the point of slut-shaming her, there’s one vital moment from the episode that has stuck with me.

It was earlier in the evening when 31-year-old Bella tore down a long-held taboo by declaring that she didn’t want to have children. On national television.

On top of that, she added she had felt that way for more than a decade.

Keller responded with a mind-blown, “whaaaaa?”

Compelled to explain herself, Bella said: “I’ve always just been about my career. And then when I find someone special, it’ll just be about us and travelling and sex and love and not kids.”

“Is that weird?” she asked. Keller muttered a “yep”.

Keller can't process this. Image via Channel Nine.
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So she continued: "I think the thing that has always scared me is that you would lose the sexual relationship that makes you so intimate and makes you connected with somebody and I couldn't deal with it, it's just not for me."

Keller was quite clearly having trouble digesting this. His expressions see-sawed between shock and confusion.

After more prodding, Bella concluded there was perhaps a small chance she would be open to the discussion later in life.

Keller put forward his belief that it was the "greatest gift in the world" to be able to raise a child. And that's great. I mean, thank goodness most of humanity feels that way or else we wouldn't be here.

But it's also okay to not want children.

married at first sight bella and michael
Bella is standing her ground. Image via Channel Nine.
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It was glorious to see a young woman be so unapologetic and confident in her decision to not want children.

Because it is still viewed as so damn taboo for anyone with a uterus to choose to opt out of parenthood. The horror splashed across Keller's face says it all.

What woman would want to openly admit to it when that's the reaction they're in for, despite us being past the days of strict, outdated gender roles?

I myself am not sure if I truly want kids or if it's the insane societal pressure pushing me in that direction.

Like Bella, my focus is on my career and my relationship. Of course, I like children, I enjoy their company, but that doesn't mean I want some of my own.

married at first sight bella and michael
Bella with Michael, who already has a six-year-old from a previous relationship. Image via Channel Nine.
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I'm terrified by the idea of motherhood. I'm not exactly a maternal person. I don't think kids will necessarily make me a happier or more complete person. And I can't imagine putting my body through pregnancy.

I'm not saying this won't change. But right now, I struggle to see how a child fits into my plan.

These are thoughts I have kept almost exclusively to myself for fear of being disparaged as shallow, selfish, immature or strange -- as is usually the case.

But last night, whether or not she intended to, Bella stood up for all the young women who aren't intent on becoming a mother, for all of Australia to see. And it left me fist pumping.