Why are we so shocked a single mum won The Bachelor?

Why are we so shocked a SINGLE-MUM won The Bachelor?

Guys did you hear? I mean how could you not.

A single mum won The Bachelor last night. A single mum!!

Finally, finally us single mums are getting the recognition we deserve.

Finally the single mums of Australia can come out from hiding behind the stroller and say we are people too. We are WANTED.

We did it.

Recognition.

When Sam chose SINGLE-MUM Snezana Markoski over bikini-babe child-less and fancy free Lana Jeavons-Fellows it signaled that the tide has finally turned. We no longer need to hide our husband-hunting ways! We can stand proud, we can show the world that a single mum can get a man without resorting to lying on Ashley Madison.

If Sam Wood can choose a single mum surely there is hope for the rest of us huh?

I know it must have been a shock for the non-single mums out there. (You know those of you who don’t have the words “single-mum” prefacing your name each time it is mentioned.)

We all knew that Lana was a dead cert to win. In fact no one imagined that Sam would even dream of picking a woman with baggage – she was just there for the sympathy vote wasn’t she?

She didn’t stand a chance.

She may as well have had leprosy in the dismissive way she was written off as a contender – not because of her personality or because of any perceived lack of chemistry with the Bach – no, because of her daughter.

What man would honestly choose a single mother?

But SINGLE-MUM Snezana won capturing the heart of her fella, bagging the sparkly ring and leaving gaping mouths right around the nation.

Social media was awash with shock immediately hard at work predicting how short lived the romance will be. There’s no way it will last.. after all she has a daughter.

Her singledom hung as an albatross around her neck.

In Australia, there are 780,000 single mother families. They are hardly a rarity so why are we so shocked that SINGLE-MUM Snezana could win the heart of a hot bach like Sam?

Some have made allowances – the fact that Sam was raised by a single parent himself so perhaps, unlike so many others, he doesn’t see the status as a relationship-breaker. Others say it’s a calculated move to gain even greater sympathy and now Sam can really cement himself as a nice guy thus elevating his profile even more. Celebrity endorsements needed, anyone? Not many have actually considered the fact that maybe he is just really into her and her 10-year old daughter was cool, but neither here nor there.

The language around being a single mother is one of two tangents – and through The Bachelor and its analysis we saw both.

They are either “down-trodden, man stealers” or “heroic martyrs”.

On The Bachelor the narrative around SINLGE-MUM Snezana focused upon the heroic territory.

She’d been doing it all alone. So tough. So hard. Imagine the sleepless nights? The ache of loneliness?

But now she’s been saved. SAVED!

The other even more unfortunately identify we foist onto single mums is a more negative one – that they are defective in some way, that they are bad decision makers, worthless, lowly.

That you better watch your back cause they want to steal your husband.

Here’s the thing.

Single mums are not heroic. They are not martyrs and we certainly don’t need saving. Despite the fact that single parent families are the most financially disadvantaged families in Australia they aren’t out to get your husband, or your money. They aren’t bad decision makers or to the most part irresponsible (any more than some partnered mothers are).

They are just getting on with it.  Getting on with raising their kids.

Truth be told many of us would prefer we weren’t a single mother but the fact we are isn’t a reason to be either exulted or condemned.

It’s just a fact, and a fairly low-down-the-totem-pole fact.

I like to think of myself as a mother of three delicious kids, a journalist, an aunty, a 40-year old woman. For me, my marital status, or lack thereof doesn’t really factor into my identity. I am just a mum not a “single mum.”

Here is what I would like:  the overused label of “single mum” dropped. Lets just call Snezana a mother. A mother of a 10-year old who for whatever motivation triumphed on last night’s Bachelor. A woman that we wish well.

Let’s neither exult or condemn her parental status and instead talk about that ring.

A $22,000 diamond “promise ring” ?

That’s where the real analysis is needed.

Missed a recap? Catch up here:

The finale

Episode 15

Episode 14

Episode 13

Episode 12

Episode 11

Episode 10

Episode 9

Episode 8

Episode 7

Episode 6

Episode 5

Episode 4

Episode 3

Episode 2

Episode 1