“I know there is a world of people wanting to step up for me but the hardest part is the realisation that I still feel I am failing if I am not doing this on my own.”
Why can’t I let people help me? What is it about the words “let me do that for you” that sends shivers down my spine when on paper I am the chick that you would think needs the most help.
Let me explain…
Thirteen months ago my husband died suddenly by his own hand, leaving my three sons and I to pick up the devastating pieces.
My boys are amazing. At ages 15, 13 and 10, they have had to grow up very quickly and not only deal with the catastrophic trauma of their father’s death but battle the usual angst of teenage boys while coping with a mother who is sometimes apoplectic with worry for them.
We have also moved house in that time, so their adjustments have included reclaiming their space in a new home and renegotiating school runs, soccer schedules and their ever increasing social calendars. They are great kids but part of their new regime is learning to cook and clean and take care of each other. It has been a big readjustment and one I am proud to say they have accepted, if not sometimes begrudgingly.
I returned to work five weeks after my husband’s death predominately because we all were desperately looking for normalcy and me working was our normal. I am a breakfast radio announcer in Brisbane for the KIIS station 973 FM. I start work at 4 o’clock in the morning and have been doing so for the last 20 years.
Top Comments
I listen to you everyday Robin. I've cried with you, I've laughed with you. We are the same age. For God's sake woman....give it up! I cannot do it all, you cannot do it all, please rest your mind & lovely soul & take comfort in those around you who love you & want nothing more than to help you - just to keep that red head of yours above water. You owe it to yourself & to the boys. Take care x
Robin, I can imagine being exactly like you as I like to be independent as well. Having said that, I have lots of partnerless/ partnered girlfriends with kids, and I just love to help them all out. They've all been through different situations and are madly juggling too, so you're not the only one being offered help, and don't think that you have to turn it down because others are doing it all on their own, because they're probably getting helped too in some way. Wonderful women have wonderful friends and family whether they're partnered or not. Helping my precious friends makes me feel great and needed, and gives our potentially isolated world more of a village feel, with the chance to have a cuppa (or wine) with my friend if I've picked up her children, and it's a chance for my kids to hang out with her kids too. Another friend works full time, so I love to pick up post office things for her, or do anything that her hours don't allow her to do. I'm just letting you know how your helping friends feel, and that they love doing it. In turn, they help me when I need it also. I love the concept of 'paying it forward' mentioned in a post below. On the time for yourself note, you've probably been unconscious setting yourself up to run run run, so you have no time to think. It may be time to reassess now that time has passed, and you are at the stage where you have the strength to stop for a minute and face your own thoughts. You're awesome like all mothers, and you haven't even mentioned the everest of grief/ ANGER you must be climbing whist dealing with the practicalities of life. Thanks for beautifully sharing.