Men can have babies at almost any age. Women? Not so much. Our most fertile years are before we turn 35. And for some women, these years can get sucked up by a ‘vampire’ man, who has no intention of committing long term.
Tell me you don’t know this woman: she started seeing a guy when she was 28 or 32 and the dude said he wanted to get married and have kids, but the time wasn’t right.
They had some fun, moved in together, but he had issues in his 30s (don’t we all) and she was right there beside him, waiting for him to turn the corner.
And he did. Except, when he got there, he decided the relationship ”wasn’t working” and the woman found herself single again at 35 or 38 and was now staring at the possibility that she would never have children.
Yes, yes, we do know that woman. We all do. She’s the one who has spent a decade waiting for her boyfriend to be ‘ready’ and when he finally does decide that he too wants a family – he wants that family with someone else.
And he can do that. Because he’s a bloke.
At age 40 he’s perfectly able to father children but for her it is going to be a whole lot harder if not impossible.
Biology means the playing field is intrinsically unfair – men get a biological gift of more time to sort out their issues and figure out what they want from life. Women don’t have that luxury.
De Britto calls these men vampires – because they literally suck away the fertile years of women’s lives.
They’re the human equivalent of the morning-after pill because while you’re with them, you’re actually ensuring you will never become a parent and experience what is quite possibly the greatest thing that can happen to you – staring into your child’s eyes.
This is how it breaks down. You meet this guy when you’re 27, you think it’s on forever and ever, amen. Maybe, early in the piece, he thinks the same way, but at some point you become his backstop, his insurance policy, and if someone ”better” comes along he is goooone.
You could argue the guy just didn’t want kids – blah, blah – except these dudes always seem to impregnate the next (much younger) woman, about a year after dumping their long-suffering, long-term girlfriend.
Have you been with a man or do you know a man who put off ‘settling down’ for years?