We LOVE it when celebrities need minions.

Jermain Defoe (who plays professional football in England, which we all know is NOT football, it’s soccer) is in desperate need of a staff member. The 32-year-old Sunderland striker (again, that is a SOCCER thing) has advertised on a UK job search site, looking for a personal assistant.

But he’s not just looking for a PA. According to the job description, he needs a PA, web designer, marketing executive, travel agent, fashion designer, event manager and housekeeper.

Soccer star Jermain Defoe. Source: Instagram @iamjermaindefoe

Some of the skills that Defoe demands of his PA include:

An excerpt from the advert.

But it doesn’t stop there. The PA must also arrange all travel and accommodation, liaise with all sponsors/agents/directors/managers, travel both with and without Jermain to organise his business meetings, plan all of his social events including Christmas, New Year, and ‘Bonfire’ (eh?), and manage and organise his individual family members (including his mother, stepfather, sister, nephew, and ‘family pets’).

Jermain with his mother and sister. Source: Instagram @iamjermaindefoe

And make his lunch. Or, be the ‘organising manager on a daily basis: lunch, etc’.

In their spare time, the PA also needs to keep his fridge stocked at all times, his house cleaned for when he gets home from trips, and come up with an inventory for the holiday villa (whatever that means? In case something gets stolen? Or he doesn’t actually know what is kept in his villa? Hmm).

This bit sounds fun. Are we allowed to join?

The hours required are ‘on call 24/7’, which is 61320 hours a year. With the £50,000 – £60,000 salary he is offering, it works out to less than one British pound an hour, or AUD$2.

Worth it? Probs not.

If you are skilled at building apps, designing clothing lines, making fragrances and creating an online following, maybe just go into business for yourself. You might make more than two dollars an hour.