When Annie met Orlandino she fell in love instantly.

She couldn’t resist his big brown eyes or his soft coat. He had a knack for making her laugh.

Unfortunately, he also had a knack for making her life hell with his over the top attention seeking behaviour and inhumane standards of personal hygiene.

36 less morbid questions to fall in love to.

He was a terrible companion. A bad dog.

So, when Annie chose her second pup, she was a little more discerning.

Paris knows how to pick the perfect pooch. I wonder if she’s ever thought to apply the principles to her dating life?

Like her relationships with her pets, her relationships with men have been less than perfect (let’s just say she had a few peeves).

So she took what she learned from her hairy friends and applied it her hunt for a significant other.  She found one she liked and she decided to write a book about it. Thanks Annie.

Dr Annie Kaszina is an author and relationship coach. In Do You Choose Your Dog More Carefully Than Your Husband? she combines her  wisdom from a life of pet ownership with a lifetime of bad dates.

She shared her top ten tips with the readers of the Daily Mail. We had a look at them and added some of our own wisdom (and some .gifs) to help you choose a lover you won’t want to put in the dog house. You’re welcome.

1. Temperament is king

When it comes to puppies and partners the “wild” ones are often the most work, alas. Try to pick someone sweet natured (just make sure they don’t bore you to tears).

2. Check the pedigree

Obviously men and women don’t come with breeding certificates and to be honest judging any human on their family is more than a little unfair. Maybe just make sure they have a couple of friends. And those friends aren’t men’s rights activists/anti-vaxxers/anti-choice. Some things are non-negotiable.

3. Beware yappiness

Talking is good. But too much talking can be difficult. Especially if your date only talks about himself or herself, a fondness for protein shakes or Satre, or how many calories are in your meal.

4. Good manners

No jerks.

5. Over-exuberance

Nobody likes a pushy man or woman. Date someone who respects your boundaries from day one.

6. Good behaviour

If they eat your shoes and piss on the carpet, maybe they’re too much work. See 4.

7. Docility

Look, you want someone who submits to your will. At least some of the time.

8. Playfulness

We all like to lol. Try to pick someone funny. Not funnier than you though, obviously.

9. Beware rogue breeders

Be wary of set-ups. Your friends have different tastes to you. Their Lassie might be your Cujo.

10. Leave the paperwork at home

Don’t over think it. Sure, they’re cute. Well-groomed too. But there’s plenty of other pups in the park.