Crash.
That’s the sound of me getting unceremoniously chucked on the ‘ex’ pile. I thoroughly recommend trying it. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll have the time of your life. Oh yeah, you’ll learn a thing or two. That I can promise.
There were warning signs long before we called time. Let’s just say that if you have major doubts about being engaged, you probably shouldn’t be. I’m not talking about your standard nervousness, I mean debilitating, undermining doubt. My ideas about marriage made me beyond uncomfortable. I was outright scared. From the price-per-head to musing over what makes a ‘good wife’, I was afraid. Without ever planning to, I set about sabotaging the whole thing, the very thing I had wanted… and one day, didn’t want any more.
“I called off the engagement.”
I called off the engagement before the relationship ended. I took my fears to mean that it wasn’t the right time yet. He put on a brave face and said that was okay. But, dear reader, pro tip: if you end your engagement, you will hurt the other person. Even if you love them. Even if you still think you’ll marry them one day. While you’re saying ‘I’m not ready for this’, they may hear. ‘I’m not ready for you’, and, wait for it, they may leave.
I spent a long time how I could reconcile my thirst for freedom and adventure with the image of domesticity that marriage presented me. spent time abroad with girIfriends and wished even more that I was ‘free’. And then, all of a sudden, I was. I was so free and I didn’t know what to do with that. It was lonely and doubly afraid. So here’s what I did.
I cried. I cried at home. I cried at work. I cried on the treadmill. I had so many feelings.
Top Comments
Interesting social phenomena here.
Last week MM readers were congratulating a woman who publicly trashed her wedding dress after being dumped before her wedding day. Many of those readers were calling the ex-partner all manner of names. And yet here we find MM readers congratulating a woman for being courageous enough to do the dumping.
Interesting. I wonder how readers' perceptions of the dumper can vary so vividly?
Oh, did the writer dump the fiancee the day before the wedding? Did she in fact dump him at all?
Answer, no. And No. She called off the engagement well before the wedding. Then he left her.
It seems in your haste to imagine a conspiracy you missed some vital elements. Try to keep up.
I broke my engagement off last year after 12 years (almost 13) of being together. It was the hardest, most painful, awful decision I've ever had to make. You ARE hurting someone you love, and even though you are doing it for the right reasons it still doesn't make it any easier. Having said that we have managed to remain (so far) good friends - after all - no one cheated, we don't hate each other - why should we never speak again? I know that he will always be in my life in some way for ever, but not just the way we'd planned. I still have my crying days, but they are now few and far between - as opposed to every single bloody day (and night...). You will eventually move on, but it all takes time & that amount of time is different for everyone.