Kate Middleton engages in "life threatening, dangerous un-royal" pregnant behaviour.

Conjure up an image of the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, in your minds’ eye.

If you’re anything like me and enjoy perusing her fashion choices at length, then the picture in your head will be a recent one. With a little bit more glow than usual and the tiniest hint of a bump, the royal wife of Prince William has hit New York this week. And as with everywhere she goes, she put the style of New Yorkers to shame.

Have a look at the Duchess’ outfits of the past week and tell us honestly: Did you realise they were LIFE THREATENING AND DANGEROUS?

That’s right.

Seriously, when it comes to elegant and understated fashion, this woman can do no wrong. Or at least, that’s what we thought.

During her American tour, Kate Middleton ignored her duties as Primary Vessel and Incubator for Royal Babies and put her life and that of her unborn heir to the throne at risk by wearing…. a pink coat HIGH HEELS.

How ghastly. How disturbing. How unseemly. Please pass the smelling salts.

“The risk of stress fractures, bursitis and capsulitis (inflamed ligaments) are increased when a pregnant woman routinely wears heels,” Dr. Isaac Tabari of the NYC Podiatry Center of Excellence explained to the New York Daily News. “Pregnant women should not wear high heels every day.”

Oh Duchess… how could you?

“As a reconstructive foot surgeon, I can tell you that injuries do occur from missteps and falling when wearing high heels…. ” said Dr. Neal Blitz.

“Cast immobilization during pregnancy may place the mother at increased risk for extremity blood clots. Broken bones that are indicated for surgery may be postponed until a later date to avoid surgery on a pregnant mother – all important decisions for appropriate health care professionals and the patient,” he told the Huffington Post.

Hear that Kate? Because you’re now silly and wobbly and preggers, you might trip over those heels, break a bone and then be unable to have surgery for risk of blood clots. You reckless princess, you.

Now, I am not normally one to rail against the medical profession. Doctors are to be listened to, not to be ridiculed. But this is all a bit much.

The American tabloid press would have searched far and wide for doctors who were willing to take on Kate Middleton and her sensible mid-height round toe heels. The woman reportedly has an actual ambulance following her around when she’s in public these days; it’s not like her own doctors aren’t aware of what she is doing and were unable to intervene for her own protection.

Because this isn’t about the Duchess of Cambridge’s physical safety and that of her unborn child. It is about the media rustling up yet another story criticising a pregnant woman for making her own decisions.

On the scale of things you can do while pregnant that could put your baby at risk (drinking alcohol, consuming unpasturised milk products, smoking, running a marathon with 20kg worth of weights tied to your back) this is pretty tame. Kate Middleton is still only in the second trimester of her pregnancy, has visibly put on little weight at all and as a result her balance is highly unlikely to have been effected.

It seems though, that when a woman becomes pregnant her body stops being her own property and becomes that of those around her. And when the woman in question is a celebrity, those around her include the uninformed, exploitative and sensationalist tabloid press.

By all reports, Kate Middleton is a wonderful mother to her son George, is cautious about her own wellbeing while pregnant and is generally a fit and healthy person. By falling pregnant with an heir to the British throne, she has not offered up her body for the custody of others, she has merely done what women have been doing for centuries.

Pregnancy bring with it enough restrictions and stresses for the mother-to-be as is. Surely a sensible heel should be able to pass without comment.