Is it okay for your partner to check other people out?

Is it okay for your partner to check other people out?







I was having a chat with one of my girlfriends a few years ago and she was really upset. She’d been walking around the shops with her partner and he’d checked out a few women right in front of her.

She called him on it. He got defensive. They had a fight. The usual stuff.

She made a remark that I’m lucky that my man would never do that in front of me.

Um… beg to differ. My man is a supreme gentleman of the first order. He’s a real door-opener, drink buyer, subtly remove a drunken person from a party and drive them home kind of guy. He treats me like a queen, makes me tea every day and cleans up after me without complaint.

He’s wonderful. However he has both a penis and eyes, the two of which (or three of which) are linked by many blood vessels and sexy-themed brain waves. If a great pair of tits walks past, he’s going to look at them. If a magnificent arse is shaking its thing in front of him, he’s going to see it and appreciate it. It’s a built-in impulse, a light bulb moment. His brain is all ‘Tits! I like those!‘.

Same as when kids see a Baskin Robbins or my mum sees tequila.

How do I feel about this? Honestly? I don’t give a shit. Not even half a shit. Why? Because women are fucking fantastic. They’re magnificent and they come in the most extraordinary shapes and sizes. Looking at women is awesome*. Some have great tits, some have amazing legs, some have faces like dolls, some have fabulous hair, some dress like they just walked out of the Dior workshop in Paris and some have smiles that make you feel like the world is a unicorn playground.

It’s all very, very good to look at. Particularly breasts, I love breasts. Mine are rather modest in size so I love a decent sized pair of knockers. If I was a dude or a lesbian they’d totally be my thing. If a gal walks past and she’s got the puppies on display, I’m going to check them out. Because they rock. So why would I deny my boyfriend that?

Carly with her partner

Before everyone starts accusing me of being a disgusting tits pervert, let me just make a point. Boobs are attached to people, usually women. So are faces, legs, eyes and arses. All of which are likely to grab my attention and therefore  are likely to grab my boyfriend’s attention. It’s all part of a package of beauty.

Him pointing out a beautiful women to me is no different to him pointing out a beautiful building. It’s something that’s visually pleasing to him and quite frankly I like it when he shares those things with me. I don’t want to miss a great rack anymore than I want to miss a really cute dog wearing a hoody. It’s just more awesome stuff to see.

Having said all that, there’s a big difference between appreciation and lechery. If he stares lasciviously, makes a lewd comment at a women, flirts with another woman or openly looks at a women in an obviously sexual or derogatory way, particularly when in the company of a large group of other men then he’s being an extreme tool and you have every right to tell him to stick it. If your man sneaks a side ways glance at a pretty girl in the mall, I don’t feel that it’s that big a deal. We’re sexual beings and pleasure whores. Our eyes naturally wander towards things that look good.

I’m assuming that I represent the minority on this one so I’d love to hear your thoughts!

* You know what else I like looking at? Men! Square jawlines, floppy hair, awesome jeans, side burns, broad shoulders, white teeth. People are just great to look at aren’t they?

This was originally published on Carly’s website here and has been republished with full permission.

Carly Jacobs is the editor of Smaggle and a freelance writer and presenter. Her writing has appeared in Cleo, Cosmoplitan, The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald. She almost got run over by Myf Warhurst whilst out jogging once and natural yogurt is her favourite food. Find her on Twitter here and on Facebook here.

Over to you… do you think it’s disrespectful to check someone out in front of your partner? Do you like to visually appreciate strangers? Any ground rules?


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