There comes a time in every woman’s menstrual cycle when it’s time for your period to go now.
You’ve been patient. You’ve treated her well. You’ve forgiven her for that time she made you yell at your sister, “I DON’T LIKE YOUR FACE IT’S STUPID”… oh, and all the nice undies she ruined.
But now, she’s no longer invited. You’re done. And she’s just not listening.
Sometimes, she ghosts. You are certain she’s gone for the month and then BOOM. She returns on an unsuspecting Tuesday afternoon when you’ve decided to wear white pants.
Most women, I’d argue with precisely no research to back up my case, have Googled ‘how can I make my period go away now pls’.
It might be a nice romantic weekend away. Or, I don’t know, your wedding day. Or you’re going travelling and don’t want to deal with your stupid period on a plane.
Most of the advice you get online seems, well, completely made up. And I don’t want to jump up and down 46 times while rubbing my left calf and repeating a mantra like a crazy person if it’s not going to work.
Dr Dee Fenner, the director of gynaecology in the department of ob-gyn at the University of Michigan, told Metro, “Although no studies have been done on this, it’s likely that menstrual blood in the uterus is squeezed out during orgasm,” meaning that having (orgasmic) sex during your period can help wrap up your menstrual flow.
Other theories include eating lots of vegetables, because a few studies have found that vegetarians have shorter periods. But vegetarians also are more likely to suffer from iron deficiency… so it’s more likely that’s the cause.
This feels like a trick to make us eat more vegetables and we don’t appreciate it.
Listen: Why Samantha X calls it her $5,000 period. (Post continues below…)
As if that wasn’t bad enough, the other piece of advice circulating around the internet is to do lots of exercise. Metro says, “being fit and healthy is likely to give you shorter periods, if nothing else because having stronger and more developed muscles promotes the excretion of blood.”
Even if they don’t shorten the period, it’s proven that being active can prevent cramps and PMS, so that’s a good thing.
The other bizarre claim made online is that if you want to shorten your period, opt for pads. Apparently, “tampons block the internal flow of menstrual blood which can make things take longer. A pad, on the other hand, just lets gravity and your muscles do their thing.”
That… that sounds made up. But okay.
In order to bust some myths, I spoke to Dr Dasha Fielder. I asked if any of the following have any bearing on the length of your period: sex, exercise, veggies, Vitamin C, Ibuprofen, alcohol, spicy food or lots of water.
Her response was as follows: “Unfortunately none of these would have any effect on the duration of your period.”
Dr Fielder did say there’s a prescription medicine, “used to reduce heavy bleeding if taken regularly for the first few days of menstruation.”
Your best bet, if you want to shorten or even skip a period, is hormonal tablets. AKA, the Pill.
It’s a longer term solution, but, you know, more effective than getting drunk in the hopes that your period will disappear.
Liked this? You’ll also love…
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- Once and for all: Can you really get pregnant while you have your period?
You can listen to the full episode of No Filter with Samantha X, here.