couples

Are Helicopter Parents Good or Bad For Kids? The Verdict Is In

Finally research has validated my desire (and indeed my action) to be involved in my son’s life.  You see I am a bit of a helicopter mum and it’s something that I have no shame admitting to, I’m rather proud of the fact.  In fact, I’m pretty certain that if you met my son you’d understand my pride – but back to the research….

A new report launched by the federal School Education Minister, Peter Garrett highlighted the importance of parents becoming actively involved in their child's learning. In fact the report states that taking an active role your child's education, getting involved with the school and the ultimate shocker – encouraging learning in the home, has a huge positive effects on your child's wellbeing, academic achievement, whether they stay in school and whether they go on to uni.

While the report draws the line at overly-demanding parenting, which it says can have negative effects, it remains really good news for us helicopter parents.

I am a helicopter parent.  I want my son to know that, not only am I there whenever he needs me, but I am really interested in what he is doing. 

I did three years of reading groups at school when I knew it meant something to him, I served on the Parents and Friends Committee because I knew it meant something to him that I took such a big interest in his school and because I really was interested in what was happening with him at school – a place where he spends much more awake time than at home.

I know that this may be frowned upon in some parenting circles – hovering (or as I like to call it “being around”)  is not considered the strong suit in raising independent children but I see it differently.  Children are children for such a short time, we spend a lot more time being adults and having to shoulder all the responsibility of the world.  Surely there is some time in our lives that we can be free of care.

I’ve never understood the fascination with trying to make my child independent when he’s only 11 and still a child.  I really don’t care that some 11 year old children in rural remote areas are looking after their homes and joining the army – we live in Sydney, it’s very unlikely he’s going to have to move out soon. I’ve never understood why it’s seen as a big deal to spend time at his school or doing homework with him. He is confident, he is secure, he has an amazing (and large) circle of friends and he’s breezing through his classes.

ADVERTISEMENT

God I’m lucky. I acknowledge that.

He has had a plethora of amazing experiences to build on as he grows up but he is not an adult and he is not ready to fly the coop.

I wonder at the wisdom of ensuring that my child can go to the park alone.  Just because he is with me doesn’t mean he’s not able to kick a ball or climb the tree on his own. Nor does it mean he wont be able to handle the park when he’s older. You don’t have to practice doing stuff alone before you’re ready. It will still happen.

He can make his own food but I would never expect him to forage for food or to prepare a meal without me.  I don’t necessarily want to cook for the family – why should he?  He will have to cook when he lives on his own or when he gets the urge to “treat” the family and I have no doubt that even if he doesn’t cook as a child, he will be smart enough to learn when he’s an adult.     

I don’t want him to play in places that I deem to be unsafe. I really don’t want him to get hurt and I fail to see the big lessons that he will learn from getting into dangerous situations.   I do however see the benefit he will have from having someone care for him, nurture him and direct him with kindness and love.  

I want my child to know that he is important, that he means the world to me and that I really care about what he does.  But most importantly I want him to know the joy of being a child before he knows the responsibility of being a man.

If I am accused of taking too much of an active interest in my child’s life – I’m okay with that.

How much hovering do you do? Is your parenting style more free range or helicopter?

Tags: