When did coffee get so fattening?

So, young women are getting fatter. Apparently. I pondered this fact as I stood in line at Gloria Jeans waiting to place my order for a hot chocolate this week. It was 5:30pm and the place was packed with caffinated people in their teens, twenties and thirties. Dozens of young women clutched milky coffee drinks the size of their heads, frequently topped with whipped cream and caramel sauce.

When did a cup of coffee become as fattening as an entire meal? Oh
wait, it’s not fattening, really, because one of the laws of female
diet logic is this: there are no proper kilojoules in anything you
drink from a cup. Or even a bucket.

When did a cup of coffee become as fattening as an entire meal? Oh wait, it’s not fattening, really, because one of the laws of female diet logic is this: there are no proper kilojoules in anything you drink from a cup. Or even a bucket.

Other ways to slash the kilojoule count of food is to consume it while at the movies or watching TV. Same with reading while you eat. And it’s common knowledge that anything you scoff after a few drinks (or midnight, whichever comes first) doesn’t count. If you can’t remember eating it, it may even have a negative kilojoule value. How handy is that.

But surely not even these dietary delusions can account for the full 5kg the average Australian twenty-something female put on between 1996 and 2003 according to the health department’s recent study on women’s health.

Are young men putting on weight at a similar rate? I doubt it. Men eat for far less complex reasons than women. Like, say, hunger. I don’t know many guys who reach for muffins when they’re sad, bored, angry, frustrated, lonely or depressed. Beer, possibly. Muffins, nup.

To be fair, eating is not the only way women deal with emotional turmoil. We also talk things through at length with our closest friends. While eating, usually. When a girlfriend loses her job or her heart, we’re just an SMS away with sympathy, pizza and wine. Same goes for pretty much any other sad or celebratory occasion. And since your twenties are among the most emotionally volatile years of your life, that’s a lot of pizza.

Food is intrinsically linked to female bonding. We meet for coffee and cake, for cocktails, for girls’ dinners and for nights in with DVDs and chocolate.
But food is also a tool some women misuse to block feelings. Constant pigging out can be as unhealthy as starving yourself; they’re just different types of food abuse. Let’s not pretend that scoffing a box of Krispy Kremes is empowering. It’s not.

“Some young people use food to fill the hole in their soul, the spiritual anorexia they feel every day,” notes leading adolescent psychologist Dr Michael Carr-Gregg. “If you have nowhere to stand emotionally when things get tough, then stuffing your face is like a gastronomic remote control – an easy quick fix. But the effect is transitory and leaves you wanting more.”

Then there’s the evil twin of over-eating: diets. Ironically, fad diets can be a huge cause of weight gain. And the Instant Gratification Generation is particularly vulnerable to the lure of the quick fat fix.
Nutritionists say the faster you lose weight, the more likely you are to gain it all back – with extra kilos on top. Years of crash dieting will not only leave you heavier than you started but the famine-feast cycle it triggers can do nasty long-term things to your metabolism.

The alternative, of course, is to cook regular healthy meals. But that would mean shopping for fresh ingredients, dragging them home and then poaching, baking and stir-frying them into a balanced meal. If only we had the time.
Kicking goals at uni or the office and juggling kid/career demands mean women are putting in longer hours than ever before. Something’s gotta give. Increasingly, that thing is meal preparation. Some of us have been known to eat breakfast cereal for dinner. Canned tuna is popular. Take-away is our friend.

Other possible reasons we may be getting fatter? How about the actresses, singers and models who lie about their diet and exercise regimes. Big points to celebs like Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas and Gwen Stefani who admit how hard they work to stay in red-carpet shape. But many other glamourous chicks say things like this when asked the secrets to their impossible bodies: “Oh, I eat cheeseburgers 24/7 and I’m allergic to exercise. I just have a really fast metabolism!”.
Years ago, I interviewed a Hollywood trainer who complained about one skinny star notorious for saying this stuff. He was employed by the producers of her new action movie to whip her butt into shape so he knew she’d worked like a maniac to lose weight and build muscle – four hours a day, six days a week for six months. He’d been by her side for the 5am workouts and the endless protein shakes. Then he sees her on the PR trail denying it all and pretending she was born perfect. Forty seven year old Sharon Stone once told a journalist she stays so slim by “laughing a lot”. I was seized by the urge to hit her when I read that. Ha ha.

Except the joke is on us because millions of women swallow this spin and think: “gee, maybe I too can replace the gym with some energetic giggling…pass that Kath ‘n’ Kim DVD and another Mars Bar!”. If only.