Courtney Love’s hoarding habits killed the cat. Or so her daughter says.
Frances Bean, said in a statement to the courts (when she was filing from a restraining order from her mother in 2009) that the family’s beloved cat died after it became entangled in piles of fabrics, paperwork and mounds of trash.
That information has just been released in a book called Courtney Comes Clean. Although Courtney denies it is true and whether or not she is a true hoarder is the subject of much internet speculation.
But a new report – from Catholic Community Services – has suggested that more than 1 million Australians are compulsive hoarders – many of whom need urgent medical help.
The ABC reports:
A conference in Sydney is looking at the issue of hoarding and squalor.
Dr Chris Mogan, who treats compulsive hoarders in Australia, describes the problem as a “severe over-attachment to things”.
“Their relationships with people are affected … [it] is very difficult for the non-hoarder to understand, but the possessions become part of them,” he told ABC News Breakfast.
Anyone can be a hoarder according to Dr Morgan, who says the “condition” doesn’t discriminate on the basis of age either. He wants hoarding, which is “five times more prevalent than schizophrenia” recognised as a clinical condition.
In the US, there are shows dedicated to people’s compulsive hoarding habits.
Last week on ABC’s Life Matters, writer Clementine Ford admitted her own tendencies to hoard. She said she identified as a hoarder after she read a book by comedian Corrine Grant (Lessons in Letting Go: Confessions of a Hoarder) in which she admitted to being unable to throw away birthday cards because she felt like she was throwing away love from the person who gave it to her.
She also spoke about the effect moving around as a child had effected her tendency to hold onto things. “I think that when you moved around a lot you tend to attach sentimentality to objects because it gives you what you feel is a grounded place in your own history,” she said.
But if you keep everything, she said, nothing means anything. Which is why she’s started clearing our years’ worth of stuff.
Calls and comments to the segment were interesting. People spoke of not being able to throw anything that they thought could be used one day. One woman admitted that hoarding had ended her marriage. And someone asked the question: ‘What right does anyone tell me I have to tidy up my home?’
You can listen to that full interview here.
I’ve always wondered where the line between nostalgia stops and the hoarding begins. Or what about collecting and hoarding? Trash and treasure? I never realised how much I’d held onto over the years until I attempted to pack up my life and move it interstate a few months ago. I’d kept everything from birthday cards to my ENTIRE high school uniform. Knee-high socks and all. But why?
I’m sure I’m not the only one who is guilty of keeping special things. We all love to take trips down memory lane; they remind us of where we’ve come from, what we’ve achieved and the people who’ve played important roles in our lives. But I’m wondering – do we need physical objects to reminisce? If something has been significant enough in our lives, surely memory – is enough. Isn’t it?
Do you hold onto things you don’t need anymore? Where’s the line on what to keep and what to throw out? What have you kept and what have you saved?







Comments
121 Comments so far
My mother is a hoarder & I have hoarding tendencies that I keep under control, so far. I think it’s because we lived in 9 house durning my childhood, I went to 10 schools & I was expected to give up my things to foster children if they ‘needed’ it more than me.
I realised my mothers problem was out of control when I had to help my mother & sister move about 6 years ago, she had 3 months to pack her house up. A week before moving day I travelled the 3 hours down to help finish up the packing & start cleaning the house for a couple of days. When I arrived about 6 boxes were packed from a 3br home. I went absolutely mental.
When she went to to a physio appointment I ordered a skip, phoned work & took a weeks personal leave & started the mammoth task of getting them ready to move. I filled the small skip twice in two days, then ordered a bigger one.
I was 38 & Mum had moved twice since I left home but there was stuff in the garage that was mine from high school. And 10′s of my little sisters scrap books. Notes from the degree my mother did in the mid 80′s.
To this day I know there are still unpacked boxes in her garage & the current house is stuffed with new crap.
I rue the day I got her a Visa debit card & showed her how to use the Internet. I know it’s a mental illness but it just so frustrating that she won’t do anything about it.
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there has been a fair bit of asking for help/information here. For those of you who are hoarders or know someone. Here is someone who really understands her topic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ztgw_2Xbfk&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVUuEAzCqZE&feature=related
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I didn’t enter the conversation till Friday – and after reading through all of the posts… how can anyone question the statistics from Catholic Community Services and Experts that we have 1 million hoarders in this country. I know that mamamia has a big readership, but not everyone comments on a topic like this and there where so many hoarders or friends/family of hoarders here over the last two days.
It’ s time to treat this problem seriously.
( I am also one of the Accredited Expert Professional Organisers who joined the conversation)
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If you can convince the hoarder to part with their things, eBay it! They coud be living on a goldmine. I have just gone through the process of helping my mum clear out her house and it has been truly liberating to clear out the clutter, and fun to sell some of it. I found that when we started grouping things together it really hit home how much unnecessary stuff there was – like, by the time I went through drawers, cupboards, under the bed, bathroom, I collected four boxes worth of hotel toiletries. Really? Does anyone need that much? And plastic and paper shopping bags. I agree a few are handy to have but when you have eight bags full of bags, it is time to bin some (particularly plastic Grace Bros shopping bags that are disintegrating because they are sooooo old). Oh, and decades worth of calendars; I joked with mum that she could have reused them had she known she had them.
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This is black humour…but it’s the only way I can deal with my parents hoarding!
They have my brother in an urn and my nan. Seriously.
After 3 kids moved out (over 10 years ago) each bedroom has been filled with various boxes of ‘stuff’ from when my grandparents had to move out of their homes…my wardrobe is filled with my grandmothers clothes, jewellery is neatly hung up and dvd collection (!?) and my mum is constantly buying shite from the $2 shops for when people have birthdays. For real.
The last time I went to that house (where I grew up) I took my almost 2 year old daughter…and was told to ‘pick up and move’ all the tools and dangerous car fluids/oils etc that my dad had lying in the foyer, lounge room etc…impossible task and hardly the way to spend time with your family when you live interstate and don’t see them often and they had been expecting us for 3 months!? They got a cot for my daughter…it took up the last amount of space in the ‘guest room’ and I had to put my suitcase outside the room (!?) as there was no room…then squeeze through a space to get to my bed (it’s not a small house). Dad has 2 sheds full of cars he will never fix or restore, plus machinery and all sorts of crap from when we were kids…can’t get in there to sort it! Dad has clinical depression and mum is clearly unwell in the way that she is holding onto things…and ashes and our family struggles with the both of them. We have all tried to help them and realise now it’s up to them. Very sad but what else can you do!? I always ended up a mad woman visiting as it’s such a stressful and unhappy set-up to be in.
So…we don’t stay there anymore. Get a hotel instead. I’ve seen a therapist for all sorts of childhood issues and one of the things I learnt about this problem was how anxious and out of control I would feel if my house got a bit untidy. I’m not obsessed with tidiness or cleaning but I do take care of things daily (normal chores) and with a pre-schooler, do understand I can’t always control the toy situation. But I know now that just because things get a little messy, I always get on top of it: sort, file, throw and donate and off we go again. I won’t be ending up like my parents. No more anxiety for me
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I’m in he same boat as you… except I live at home.
Although I’m not glad you’re going through it, it’s nice knowing someone else is going through the same thing.
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Would you be interested in talking out for an article on Hoarding? My email is lisa.harmer@pacifimags.com.au if you are.
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“a new report – from Catholic Community Services – has suggested that more than 1 million Australians are compulsive hoarders – many of whom need urgent medical help.”
Come on. They do know we only have 22 million people, right?
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I’ve watched the show and am always very shocked at how extreme it can be. What I don’t understand is, why do they hold onto rubbish? I can understand birthday cards and meaningful things, but stuff like newspapers and milk bottles and ice cream containers? Is that only when it gets to extreme cases where they can’t throw ANYTHING out? I am a bit the opposite.. I am a minimalist.. throw a lot out, but I give away stuff that is still in good condition to the salvos. Don’t want to contribute to landfill..
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Hi Sailorgirl
People who hoard do NOT view their stuff as rubbish! In hoarding cases newspapers may have an interesting article not yet read that feels vital to keep, ice cream containers could be useful to keep bits and pieces in etc. The thing is that when you’re in the right frame of mind it is relatively easy to discern how much is enough and when to thin your belongings out.
We see so many people with this issue and it is so difficult for them and their families. It is interesting to note that hoarding & squalor do not necessarily go hand in hand. We have many clients who do twice as much housework simply because they have to move so much stuff to clean!
It is so good to see so many joining in this discussion and that people are being open about this issue. For so long it has been something people have hidden, a bit like depression was a few years ago.
Compulsive hoarding is complex issue that cannot be fixed by throwing out belongings deemed redundant by most. It would be like telling a person with depression to buck up and go for a walk.
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I should mention that I am also an Accredited Expert Professional Organiser!
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We rented a house to a hoarder/ cat lady once. It was a big property so she really went to town. She would bring home dead vans from the tip and full them with stuff- she had about 10 of them all filled with sorted stuff like newspaper or bottles all lugged back from the tip – as for the sheds and the house full of stuff. About 50 cats- all clean mind you. When she moved she took most of it with her but still months of cleaning.
I know lots of extreme hoarders- lots in that area of tassie due to cheap rent/ property. They are amazing to see the hoarders world.
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At the risk of self promotion, I have written two books on the subject of organisation. Paper Flow your ultimate guide to making paperwork easy is an award winning, best seller which details how to keep on top of your paperwork mountain. From Stuffed to Sorted your esential guide to organising, room by room details a step by step approach to organsing every room of your house. These books may be helpful for hoarders, their families, professionals working in the area and others wanting to save time, money and energy by being more organised. They are great resources to have.
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There is a horading episode on Selling Houses Australia tonight (Wed) at 8.30 on Foxtel’s Lifestyle channel. May be of some use to people interested in decluttering, organisising, home staging for sale etc. Enjoy! It will be interesting to see how Shaynna Blaze transforms this house. I have only seen the promos but it looks interesting.
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I watch that show “hoarder” which is at times truly disturbing and “clean house” which is a littles less so. It does seem to truly be an anxiety driven syndrome which I have no hope of understanding. Working to help these people must be extremely frustrating.
My mother was almost the opposite. If you left a bit of paper on the bench for longer than 30 minutes, it would be thrown out. As an adult I tend to have piles of paper on the bench. Hmmm.
Maybe if we’re somewhere between the two extremes.
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I too watch hoarders and would love nothing more than to be one of the organizers helping these poor people. It’s my secret dream job.
I moved around a lot growing up with very little stability so you’d assume I’d be a prime candidate for attaching myself to sentimental objects but I fear I’m more like your mother. If it’s not tied down you’d better hold on tight or it’s heading for the bin.
I can only imaging how constricting hoarding must be for the affected person.
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Lou, you’re a better woman than I am. While I feel for the hoarders, I’m far too impatient to be of any use.
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Lou, I worry about the health risks for the volunteers that go into those houses. However, I do see what you mean about organising. It would be good to help people take control. I saw one man though, on that show, and he was abusive and just angry to the core. I could see it was hard for him but he treated everybody with such disrespect- you might remember the man with all the beer cans? He had rooms full of them.
I think the most disturbing hoarders episode was with a family with four children who had to be evacuated to treat mould in their bedrooms and their bathroom and toilet needed repairs as it was unsafe. One of the boys were upset that they might have to throw one of his toys away due to damage. I really don’t think I can watch that show again after that.
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Had bit of an epiphany watching Hoarders last year. Things were getting a smidge out of control and didn’t want our mess to get worse, so we ordered a big skip bin. When it arrived I said we wouldn’t fill it – could have filled it twice!!! The feeling of relief was beyond words and we have kept things nicely under control, hopefully forever!!
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Good on you
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I used to become unnaturally attached to objects and can recall crying whenever my parents got a new car as a child. As the years have passed I have become so busy that I resent clutter. I now find it easy to resist buying objects that I don’t need and don’t have any huge problems with throwing things out that I no longer use. I would happily hire a skip and start ruthlessly going through my house room by room if I had the time. My six year old daughter on the other hand is a horder, and her room is overflowing with junk. The other day I told her she either had to throw out some tattered old boxes that toys had come in, or throw out the toys themselves. She did discard the boxes, but not before she took multiple photos of the boxes and the plastic inserts. I hope this is something she will grow out of.
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There is a difference between funny quirky hoarding, which is just a tendency to hold onto things without absolutely having to, and pathological hoarding, in which it is part of a real, debilitating psychological condition. I once lived with a boyfriend who was a pathological hoarder and the mere mention of the word hoarding is enough to make my skin crawl. He also had borderline personality disorder – I’d love to know if the two are linked – and I have to say I found his hoarding distressing beyond belief. I think it was because in looking at the boxes and cupboards of things he would not, could not, part with -chaotic boxes and cupboards that had to be seen to be believed – I got a small insight into what it must be like inside his head. To this day the thought can bring me to tears. Freedom, emotional and pyschological, is not having to hold on to inanimate objects.
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I fight my hoarding tendencies every day, it’s paralysing. The Corinne Grant book was a bit of a turning point for me but a long way to go.
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There is a notorious hoarder in South west Victoria, we lived in the next town over and would have to drive past his property to get to the beach. It was indescribable. Absolutely revolting, there was not an inch of his house not covered in bags of rubbish, rotting food, car parts, mattresses, you name it. Not to mention the hundreds of feral animals feeding on the filth. At first I felt sorry for him as it’s quite obviously a mental issue but after seeing him driving around our town with plastic milk bottles full to the brim of urine, that was the last straw. I know for a fact that the council approached him and it was that disgustingly foul that the council worker vomited and left the property. The police have tried to get involved to with no luck. A Current Affair or Today Tonight had a story on him too. Turns my stomach to think of it now.
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I hear you Leela and J, my mum is just like this. In high school I avoided inviting people over and even now I am embarrassed to take my partner or in-laws there.
Every surface in the house is covered with books, papers, empty packets, old jars. The cupboard are overflowing, mostly with out of date cans of and packets of food and the fridge and two freezers are absolutely chockers, mostly with half eaten or out of date stuff that will never be eaten.
I feel if I say anything I will be insulting her.
I have come to a kind of peace with it because it’s not really harming anyone, but it does put me off visiting, especially with my little kids and has given me a complex about keeping my own house tidy.
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A friend of mine in primary school had a house like that. I saw the inside of her house once.
I also knew someone whose rich mother was such a hoarder that she’d filled her own house to the brim and was starting in on the house he rented from her. He was a slob, but not a hoarder. I saw a toilet seat in the junk room once. Never forgotten that.
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My mother in law is a hoarder but says its because she is sentimental or it’s too good to throw away. Her house is not a mess but has so much furniture for its size and a 3 car garage stacked to the roof. She says I can have stuff when she dies. I’ve told her to throw it out now because I don’t want any of it. I have a rule; if I buy a pair of shoes I throw a pair out, if I buy a Donna cover I get rid of one and so on. I watch the show “hoarders” and I just don’t get the mentality,
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My mum is a hardcore horder, to the point where her relationship with all family members has just gone downhill.
I’m talking about overdue food (MONTHS OLD), undone dishes (also months old), 3 sheds filled with sh*t, a giant garage also packed with crap stacked on top of other crap, the house from corner to corner packed with things, uncleaned toilet, bathroom. My parents bedroom is so bad that you literally walk over stuff to get to the bed, and only enough room for one of them on the bed because there’s more stuff.
She buys thing because they’re “funny” – gorilla torch anyone? She gets into hobbies an spends $1000′s on them but gets over it within a week or two.
I was too embarrassed to have friends over at my house my whole life (as were my siblings) and also refused to have our wedding photographer come to the house to take photos of me because I would hate them anyway.
Sorry to ramble but not many people understand. I know I don’t understand why she’s like that but she doesn’t know what she’s doing to her family.
I’m a massive chucker, I’m a neat freak.. I’m sure it’s because I’m desperately avoiding being anything like her but it’s not over the top – I’m just happy when things look nice.
I went to therapy a few times and talked about all this, and she went doctors and talked about it but nothing changed, nothing ever will.
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I’m so sorry about your wedding day Leela. I am not married yet but when I do I wouldn’t have photos at my parents’ because of the hoarding. My mum buys things she does not need. It’s just to fill space. There are bags and bags of shopping with tags attached and just bags everywhere collecting dust. She wouldn’t know what is in there and she keeps buying things that she already has.
I really do understand. My parents do dishes and are perfectionists with food and washing etc. but just the build up of stuff and difficulty throwing rubbish out or passing things on to charity. I don’t believe my parents have the capacity to see how they isolated us with their hoarding.
I am trying to keep on top of everything these days and I like things to be clean and neat and to be able to get to everything I have so I can use it.
Ditto with the therapy and doctors.
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My in laws are massive boarders, to the detriment of their pets and their grandchildren-pets have swallowed various items and kids have nowhere to play as the house, garage, garden, carport and under the house is chock full of “stuff”! I know it’s an illness but it drives me up the wall! Some of the items include a fish tank full of water, but no fish, a piano that no-one can play and boxes and boxes full of things that haven’t been opened in the 8 years I’ve known them. My biggest gripe is they have a spare room that could be used to house a bed or cot to make it easier when we visit (3 kids aged 3 and under) but as it is it’s so full of junk you can’t even get into it!! In fact there is not enough space in the house to erect a portable cot-not even a Phil & Teds tiny one!!!! I get so stressed out visiting, trying to keep toddlers in the 1mx1m available floor space and stop them eating anything that is lying on the floor. I could go on (and on!) but I feel my blood pressure rising just writing this. BTW my SIL said if she had to move from the family home she’d have to dig up the pets buried at the bottom of the garden and move th too-now that is a mental health problem!!
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I am great at tidying things up and throwing things away but I think we all tend to buy and keep more than we use/chuck out. That’s why moving house is such a nightmare. Because it takes so long just going through and chucking out the stuff you don’t need anymore. Ah, first world problem.
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My parents are both hoarders but for different reasons. I didn’t realise how much I have held on to- even though i’ve grown up around the upsetting effects of not being able to have people over, having less space to live in etc. There is OCD in the family, too. I am understanding of that.
When my sister moved out my mum started filling her room with shopping. It’s just about full to the door. My dad has piles of work and papers and folders all over the dining room table and in the living room and computer desk.
When my sister lived at home she naturally bought things for her new house in advance before moving out- except that it was at least two years before she moved and it filled both sides of the entire hallway and it was infuriating. The clutter was the first thing I saw every day and I was studying from home. A cluttered environment is stifling and you feel tired and drained.
I have recently sorted through my own things. I have held onto magazines that I loved and uni publications. I’m talking Clementine Ford writing for On Dit and Mia for Cosmo. It was that long ago! I also have a lot of books. I keep buying books before i’ve read the ones i’ve got. I also dreaded sorting through my two degrees of uni stuff so I avoided it and now I have all of it waiting to be sorted or just put in the recycle bin. It’s a lot of stuff.
Where is the line? I try not to hold on to too many things for sentimental reasons. I try and separate the item from the person that gave it to me or the memories to allow new things to come into my life. I keep a small number of sentimental items as I think that is healthy. I try not to keep something I have not used in three or more years. If something is hard to let go of I take a photo. I try to keep things that support me and my life as it is now. If an item has a negative attachment, I pass it on. If I can’t get to it i’ll never use it so it has to move on- space is a real deciding factor.
Cleaning out the house makes me realise how much I have and I don’t shop as much when I know exactly what i’ve got at home. I don’t like to waste things or impact on the environment and I feel a need to do better in the coming years to not buy more than I need. It brings the focus away from things and back towards people, life experiences, self reliance and not worrying about needing something later.
I’ve never regretted something i’ve thrown away or given away.
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In terms of books, I found getting a kindle very liberating. I have given away books that I can read again cheaply on the kindle (and I have added them to my kindle wish list so I can see them there if I want them but will only buy them immediately prior to reading them). Now I mainly have my “old/valuable” books left.
I also try hard, as someone else has mentioned, to throw out/give away an equivalent item when I buy something. Makes you stop and think before you buy.
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I have the books and also a kindle. My problem is I like to re read a good book in a few years time, some books i have had for 20 years. Will the kindle stuff last that long.
I use Kindle to see if i like a book and then i will still buy it
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I am the biggest chucker. I’ve told my boyfriend that if he leaves it on the floor and I don’t know what it is, it goes (he’s really, really messy drives me crazy!). Books are the only thing I’ll ever keep because I love the look and feel of books. That being said my ‘almost’ MIL is a total hoarder, cupboards, wardrobes, pantry, sheds etc I can’t handle it, stresses me out! I understand being sentimental (my mum has memory boxes for each of us with stuff from when we were kids) but things that hold no value like endless balls or strings and lace hankies (like my MIL) I don’t understand.
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I wish I could get my husband to read this site. What is the opposite to a hoarder?
I spend my life going through my things to keep them banished to “my areas”.
We are moving, he commented that since I had a lot more clothes than he does that I was a hoarder, he has been listening to the news too much!!! I pointed out that the fact that he only has enough to fill a large suitcase doesn’t mean that my chest of drawers and hanging stuff in the normal wardrobe is excessive.
Oh no!!! I am a hoarder because I also have favourite books, (all in a book case), cd’s and DVD’s(all stored in a bookshelf).
He never has a thing out of place and if I do he “puts it away”, so I take ages to find it.
People complement us on how tidy and uncluttered our home is, and I revel in visiting people that have things sitting on tables and side benches, wow !!!! Fancy leaving the book I am reading on my table next to my chair! Fancy leaving sewing out to complete the next day! I live in hope.
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OMG, Kate…your post describes my husband and I to a tee! He thinks that I am untidy (he clears my plate away sometimes before I have finished eating, if I get distracted by the kids!) and keeps “clearing out” the selected items (shawls crocheted by their Gran, first shoes, first piece of ‘artwork’ etc) that I have kept for their Memory Boxes when they are 18.
Yet he thinks nothing of washing something in the sink and spraying water everywhere!
When he’s under pressure at work, he re-arranges everything in the pantry cupboard and I’ve often come home to find everything in the fridge on a different shelf to the ones I put them on…no hoarding in this house!
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I’m your husband ladies. I regularly throw out the newspaper cos I think DH has finished with it and he has actually just gone to the toilet.
I always throw out (donate mostly) something if I buy something new.
I find stuff lying around stressful.
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Yep, hubby finds it stressful too. I didn’t really understand before and it did cause some friction but since he explained that to me, I just accept it’s a part of who he is and can live with it…well, most of the time anyway. I always feel that that last uneaten morsel on my plate would’ve been tastier than all the rest! Xxx
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i love that there are others, thank you.
And of course i know it stresses him and i put up with it, have done for nearly 40 years but if he goes away for a few days the first thing i do is leave things out!!!
I feel like a giddy child, a naughty one, but oh so happy.
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My Mum is a dirty, filthy, disgusting hoarder… there I said it!… I am not proud. In fact my relationship with her has suffered (for a number of reasons) and I have not been home to the country town in NSW where I grew up for over 9 years. Back then it was rotting vegetables filling the fridge, meat ‘defrosting’ in it’s juices oozing on the kitchen bench or sink, an entire ‘family room’ FILLED with bags of expired groceries, being eaten and infested by vermin. Not a horizontal surface that isn’t cluttered by ‘collectibles’ or covered in dust, except for the path ways to get from room to room. I have tried to talk to her, understand her, help her. The reaction is I am being judgemental and a city snob.
Apparently it has gotten worse and I can NOT bear the thought of taking my 10 year old daughter to see it. And why can I not bear it? Because it is a little too close to the bone and I exhibit some of those tendancies. A closet overflowing with clothes and shoes all over the floor, a garage full of ‘projects’, too many magzines that I ‘need to go through’… I hate myself for it and the more stressed I become the more I cling to stuff. I don’t know that I will ever understand it and I try to stay on top of it and some days I simply just try to be kind to myself and work towards being in a better space emotionally. I also try to justify the difference in that my S**T is nice S**T (REALLY nice S**T!!!!) but that there is just too much of it
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That is really sad, that your mum’s life has come to this.
But it’s no reason yours has to. It sounds like you just have an ordinary amount of stuff, not that you are genetically programmed to be a hoarder. As you say, be kind to yourself!
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I agree, but do see someone professional and get some good strategies that will help you deal with your own stuff.
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Oh, I would love to be married to your husbands! A place for everything and everything in its place!
as it is my wonderful husband has the messy and hoarding gene. I pray it is recessive or my future daughters in law may curse my husband!
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Oops, new to this! My post was meant as a reply to the above statement-sorry!
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There is loads of help available Amanda
This is just one of many, many resources. http://www.childrenofhoarders.com/bindex.php
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My husband and I are having a friend come to stay with us for a week, and it’s forced him to go through the piles of stuff he’s had on the kitchen table, in the lounge room, on the floor and in another room to make the house look presentable.
He’s not really a hoarder, it’s just that he puts things down and thinks he’ll deal with them later, or doesn’t know what to do with them because they don’t really have a place.
He rang earlier to say how nice it was to leave the house this morning – it was sparkling and clean and light and you could actually see the kitchen table top. Hopefully this is something he’ll stick with – I’m always trying to tell him it’s not that hard to walk an extra ten steps to the bedroom to put something away.
His fear is turning into his mum, who is a bad hoarder, although we’re pretty certain that’s due to several mental health issues. My sister-in-law moved out of the house because she couldn’t deal with it anymore. MIL has been seeing a psychiatrist for years and I think this is one of the things they’ve addressed, but it’s still a problem. I haven’t been to her house in nearly a year, and my husband and SIL refuse to hold family get-togethers there because it would be impossible to make enough room for people to sit. There’s just too much old furniture, catalogues, ‘sentimental’ objects and random stuff that she thinks she might need one day.
Once when MIL went away on holiday, SIL ordered a skip bin for the front yard, and amongst the things she threw out were old cloth nappies that had been hidden at the bottom of a hallway closet – they were at least 25 years old. It’s incredibly sad.
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I’m a chucker for myself and my family but a hoarder for my children. I keep most of my 5yo’s stuff because her little brother might want it one day! And I keep baby stuff for my brother for when he has kids…
Great idea with the photos of the ‘creations’ though! I will SO do that!
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I’m a bit of a hoarder. I’m a sentimental old thing. There is OCD in our family – I just choose to view it as an exotic strain.
Appreciate the idea of scanning things, except I’m such a tactile-head. I need to touch, feel, smell etc.
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Say you’re sentimental is simply an excuse for your behaviour but hey, I don’t have to live with you!
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Doesnt that just make two of us happy!
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This reminds me of my sister with her clothes and shoes and overseas trinkets. I like my house being minimalist I throw things out I haven’t used in 3 months.
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Oh my gosh that image of the rat running over the rubbish makes me want to spew!!
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It was an American oppossum
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Either way…
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I am a bit of a hoarder…but certainly not compulsive. And every now and then I will go through certain areas in sequence and cull stuff.
The areas which I don’t have a problem with being a hoarder in (although I did still cull when we had to put it in storage) are music supplies (we are both teachers, can’t ever chuck music books away!), craft supplies (I am a card maker, and I think the creative juices flow better with a large array to choose from!) and paperwork – although I did just throw away manuals and receipts for things that were several appliances ago!
The worst part about our move to the US was that we had 1 week warning to move our house into storage, in addition to everything else! So it was a case of chucking stuff in boxes without much consideration. I am looking forward to moving it all back out simply so I can go through it all and reduce! While there are a few things I still feel I need here that I have at home, I am enjoying the minimalist lifestyle!
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Rach I can’t believe only 1 week warning! We had about a month and it still wasn’t enough! Our stuff is now located in 3 different places, my parent’s house, my in-laws house and at my husband’s grandma’s house!
I would say my husband is definitely more of a hoarder than I am, we literally donated 5 huge full garbage bags of his clothes as there was no way we were going to bring it with us (stuff he hadn’t worn in over 10 years!)
Me on the other hand I have no problem parting with things, I have kept a few cards, one sock from my niece, a drawing from the other and the hand written letters my husband gave me when we first started going out. But I definitely like living the minimalist life, which is why it’s so hard buying stuff over here as I keep thinking what if we go back, what am are we supposed to do with this stuff?
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We found out that our visa was approved a week before we were supposed to arrive. If it had been one more day, we had decided we weren’t going.
Yes, my husband is the same. I don’t think he hoards for hoarding sake, I think it’s because he doesn’t know what to do with it, so just puts it somewhere. We both own a lot of clothes, but the difference is that I wear 90% of mine, and he wears probably 20% of his.
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Oh, and Seven Seas Shipping. That’s how we got some of our non-luggage stuff here (instruments, music, electronics, winter clothes, etc). They are worldwide, door to door and either air or sea. Sea gets cheaper per box the more you have. They handle customs, paperwork, delivery and pickup, everything! Recommended by our travel agent.
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We just came with our 4 suitcases and a laptop didn’t ship anything over but thanks for the tip
Btw is there a way we can message privately on MM Rach? That way we can get in touch!
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My dad is a hoarder he has old broken furniture in the shed, old mattresses, fridges, cupboards and tons of old crap in his office even if he buys something new , like he got a new radio but he still keeps the old one plugged in, he also has 4 VCR stacked on each other , it’s ridiculous. He can’t throw anything away but least the whole house isn’t full of crap just his areas
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One of my family members is a hoarder – clearly linked to emotional issues of loss and growing up in the depression. Like the article says for him they are either not possessions but memories OR have the potential to be used in the future (100′s of glass jars anyone?).
When I had to clean out his house it took a team 5 days and cost me thousands of dollars. The thing that I found saddest was that because of the state of things – it was impossible to tell items with lots of sentimental value from junk. So while I did find some amazing things (letter between my grandparents), I also know some of these would have ended up at the tip.
It certainly made me re-evaluate what to keep and what to chuck.
The other thing that was difficult was finding a company that would do that sort of work – most ‘cleaning companies’ would run a mile from a hoarding job.
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You need a professional organiser, instead – they sort belongings, not just wipe surfaces and chuck junk.
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Yep, we love getting in there and going through it all. In a lot of cases though it’s good to have someone there qualified to help with the emotional side of it too.. Or a few weeks later it’s all cluttered up again.
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when I tried searching for an ‘organiser’ most tend to have websites that talk about sorting out your paperwork for you etc – none that I found referred to dealing with a hoarding situation. So my suggestion is if you do this kind of work – make sure it is one of the search terms for your website!
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I know what you mean. Both my parents grew up in the depression so the concept of throwing things out was so alien to them; they had worked so hard to buy them. When my mother died my sister and I hired a skip and threw almost the entire contents of the house into it. There are a couple of items we think now we should have kept but we don’t really have any regrets. What a throw away society we live in!
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wow. this makes me want to go upstairs and chuck out loads of stuff!
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1 million Australians are problematically compulsive hoarders? Really? Does a box of birthday cards or a stuffed desk drawer really count as problematic and compulsive hoarding? Scale down the pathologising, I’d say. Scale up the fact that we all buy too much stuff and then think it’s too good to just dump? I don’t think there are really 1 in 20 of us with rooms full of piles of newspapers and rotting food etc. 1 in 20 might feel the urge to keep stuff that’s fairly useless and maybe not even having a sentimental hold on us, but save me from making tendencies into disorders. I’m sure the true number of people with a genuine problem (which this kind of hyperbole trivialises, by the way, and makes seem less in need of particular assistance) is smaller, and most people manage the urge pretty well in balance with the rest of life over time. hype hype hype sigh
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Agree.
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Of course a collection of birthday cards or a few stuffed drawers do not make compulsive hoarding. The statistics, following years of research by those qualified to judge, show that indeed approximately 5% of the population shows signs of compulsive hoarding. Yes, it’s hard to believe, but I’m interested to know what makes you so sure of your point of view?
- Angela Esnouf, Creating Order from Chaos, accredited Expert Professional Organiser
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How do you become an accredited Expert Professional Organiser?
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here you go – http://www.aapo.org.au/joinaapo.php
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Yes I would like to know too.
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I would say that it’s a difficult habit to hide. And one that (other) people will talk about. I do find it hard to believe that there are that many of us compulsively hoarding to a significant extent, given that there are relatively few people who do anything obvious like this (i.e. to a noticeable degree that genuinely impacts on their quality of life) among people I know, or that they talk about (i.e. their own family and friends), or among those whose houses I’ve visited for professional reasons. There just doesn’t seem to be that level of hoarding going on. Even among, say, offices within a workplace – 1 in 20 might have an extremely messy desk, with more papers etc than others – but I would not rate it as compulsive hoarding.
Again, I would say tendencies are very different from a full-blown compulsive disorder, and it’s unhelpful for both mild “sufferers” and extreme cases, to have the very real distinction blurred. I have a friend who has 10 years of papers stacked in his office – but they are not impeding his job, his walkways, visits to his office etc., and he is not worried at the prospect of having to remove some piles of stuff (just about the time it will take to go through them). If he is to be classifed in the same realm as the people on “hoarders”, then we are really losing insight into what this is about and when it is problematic. My mum keeps all our schoolwork in her shed, our old toys around her house, and has kept most of her clothes for 50 years. Is it impeding her life? No. Does her house smell? no. Can she let them go? No. Is that a problem to worry about? No. So it’s compulsive in a way, but in no way a problem.
I don’t see this big body of research that supports such a high figure being compulsive hoarders. At all. And am not aware of funding for genuine studies and surveys of such a large-scale as would merit the kind of claims that have been made.
To be honest, it smacks of business-building to me. You keep stuff? You might be disordered? Hire a therapist to head it off, a home organiser to sort out your overflowing cupboards at home (which many have in slight degree due to time poverty, mostly). Another thing for us to worry unnecessarily about and pay someone to help us with.
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Let’s be clear, there is a massive difference between those diagnosed with compulsive hoarding tendencies and those who have piles of stuff but are quite ok with that. Obviously you have your opinion and are holding fast to it. If you’re interested to read the research, look at a book called Digging Out by Michael A Tompkins and Tamara L Hartl. Or the work done by Dr Christopher Mogan and Prof Michael Kyrios down here in Melbourne.
The very nature of compulsive hoarders is that they hide their hoard. But I agree that the distinction between compulsive hoarders and those who have some clutter is too often blurred.
There is plenty of organising work for me without having to “drum up” business by scare-mongering. I don’t feel the need to defend my business, as my clients are all very satisfied.
And one more thing. I do not believe there is “time poverty”. We each have the same 24 hours a day we have always had. We just choose to do different things with it.
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I wasn’t accusing you, personally, of business building, but the hype in general.
Just a small point – there definitely is time poverty. I am a single person working for my daughter and I to pay basic bills. I work a full-time week. Then I have a household to clean and a rental yard and garden to maintain. There are all the compulsory (if my daughter is not to be excluded from school activiites) organising errands to be run out of school and work hours, as well as shopping and helping out others in my community and family. There is little time left after (too little) sleep, eating, and actually spending time with my daughter are counted up. How is that not time poverty? I literally could not work less and have enough money to pay our basic bills and allow us to participate in society. Where do the choices lie there, in terms of freeing up time? Of course many people are time poor. And it’s through economic necessity. To claim otherwise is to not be aware of the reality of many many lives. And 20 minutes once in a while on a site like mamamia taken from sleep/while having a coffee = time well spent in bolstering my mental health (so I don’t become a hoarder….?)
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Angela, I so agree on the time poorness people claim: If you don’t have time for something, you don’t find it important enough. Which is fine, but you should be aware of that decision -because it’s you decision not someone else’s!
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My grandmother was a hoarder – her house looked perfectly spick-and-span, but every drawers and cupboard was packed to the brim with crap (she saved USED sticky tape. I am not making this up). After she died it took several people several weekends to clear it all out. It was a horrendous experience and one I never want to repeat – hopefully the experience slightly blunted my mother’s hoarding tendencies.
I am a committed declutterer and find I often have to purge junk weekly to keep my house clutter free. I have some friends who have houses full of crap and I’m (silently) amazed they’re not embarrassed by it …
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My dad hoards food like you wouldn’t believe. It all started back in 1999 amid the threat of the Millennium bug. He began stockpiling water, beans, tinned spaghetti; anything he could get his hands on, really. We didn’t think much of it until the New Year came and went, but the food? Well, it didn’t. In fact, his supply only grew bigger. And bigger. And bigger.
It’s something we all laugh about because, ‘Dad, we’re not a shop. Why do we need 40 litres of tomato sauce?’ He laughs along but in all seriousness, the best day of his life was when Costco came to Melbourne.
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My grandad was like this. My nan didn’t have to buy toilet paper or toothpaste for over a year after he passed away. And when their dog died they gave away hundreds of cans of dog food to the neighbours.
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Any money your grandad was looking down, thinking, ‘Smart move by me. See all the cash she saved not buying toilet paper.’
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My mum is a hoarder, I think.
She is quite obsessive by nature. If she gets onto a thing, like a hobby, she’ll get all of this stuff for it and only stick with it for a short time. She has hundreds and hundreds of books.. she does spend most of her time reading, but buys all the books and then doesn’t get rid of them afterward (what if she wants to read them again?). Then she also buys anything that is a ‘bargain’ even if it is the most ridiculous thing.
My mum is quite fragile emotionally and had a bit of a deprived childhood, and I think it’s all to fill some sort of hole. Same with food.
My dad is so good to her but just can’t say no. He used to try but she would get very upset and guilt him, very unfairly. So I haven’t seen him try to reason with her for a long time. Which is a worry because they don’t have much money at all, and they’re spending it way too quickly..
I think I used to have a bit of the same tendencies, hanging on to sentimental stuff, but have been turned into the opposite by seeing the decline of my mum and their place. I came across a memory box of sorts that I’d kept, looked through it and couldn’t remember why I’d hung on to any of it!
When I go to visit them I get so claustrophobic, and can’t help but think of what it all means and it depresses me :-/ Hopefully soon I can help my dad make a stand and clean some stuff out.
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I go with Star Hansen’s idea: If I haven’t used it in a year, I can only keep it if it’s extremely useful, or loved beyond measure.
Having a rule set in place like that helps me take the emotional side out of it and makes decluttering easier
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And where can you go for advice on how to help someone close to you who has this problem? No longer sleeps in their bedroom as full of stuff, one access hallway blocked by ‘stuff’, adult children dont want to come visit as its so crowded and claustrophobic…. seems more hoarder than sentimentalist to me
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Oprah has an excellent clutter expert – Peter Walsh. See http://www.oprah.com/showinfo/This-Is-the-Year-to-Declutter-Your-Life and the links on that page.
Serious hoarding is often reflective of emotional problems – any chance they’ll see a therapist?
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You need to get off internet forums and asking people who are not qualified and get them to a psychologist or therapist. Sorry if I sound rude, but it’s my pet hate. If you strongly feel they need help point them to the right people. It will save you and them a lot of heart ache.
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Fair enough I guess but I was hoping for some personal advice from someone who has similar experience so I can figure out how to help in a supportive way from afar. The biggest challenge is getting them to agree to get help, do you have any advice on that?
Have a good day.
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They sound like they need professional help, so a visit to the gp is a good start. Otherwise, some of the community health services are very good at starting the ball rolling. From your comment, I presume that they are older? If they are over 60 they would be elegible for HACC services which include social work, home care etc and it is likely that these need to be involved.
I’ve worked as a community occupational therapist and I’ve seen hoarding and squalor houses, and the damage to all parties is significant and needs to be managed.
Good luck.
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thanks thats a huge help. I am interstate so am trying to figure out how to be supportive from afar, others closer keen to help too, I am just trying to figure out where to start. Much appreciated. Have a great rest of your week.
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They need professional help – a psychologist to deal with the underlying issues, and a professional organizer so they can get help to clean the slate.
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try AAPO: http://www.aapo.org.au
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My family always accuse me of throwing away their things. (guilty) The worst is when you think your kid won’t miss something and then they ask for it the very next day. I have learnt to ask them first, or strike a bargain.
I’m a mostly a chucker, but have some select things I can’t part with.
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When my kids were little they would go to bed at night and tell me, don’t throw out that stuff so and so gave me today. They figured me out early; if it wasn’t essential it went in the bin. For me it was compensation for the “mess” of my childhood.
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Be careful. If you throw out your kids things without their permission you could breed yourself a hoarder as well as destroy their trust in you.
Striking a bargain is much better
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My MIL(who lived with us) was from the depression era. I can’t tell you the amount of times I threw things out, only to find them again stuffed in a draw just incase we needed it or could use it “oneday”. It used to drive me nuts, until I realised I did it myself with the whole “re-use, re-purpose” thing in mind.I find it gets worse when things are really tight financially, when every dollar counts. Its also hard when people offer stuff thinking you can use it, and are visably disappointed when its refused polietly – but it much harder to get rid of once its home, incase they ask about it!
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I am a chucker. I actually get off on having a good clean out and de-cluttering. The more stuff I have out on show like trinkets, vases etc, it just more dusting, and I hate dusting so I have very few things on display. Give me a minimalist room and I am happy, put me in a house that is full of “stuff” and I become claustrophobic. I have even had friends enlist my “chucking” services to get their houses in order. They say I am their voice of reason when it comes to what to keep and what to get rid of. Like “do you REALLY need an ugly denim jacket from the 80′s?”
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Sometimes memory isn’t enough, sometimes you need the smell or texture of something to bring on that memory. My husband likes to call me a hoarder, but I just like my things. I certainly don’t keep everything, & throw away lots of stuff all the time. But if it’s meaningful to me, I’m keeping it. I don’t like minimalism, & I agree with the caller that asked “What right does anyone have to tell me..?
x
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If you have room for it – keep it! I tell clients that all the time. You don’t HAVE to chuck everything out. You just need to make sure you have room to keep it in good condition and out of your way
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and make a decision: a lot of people have stuff creeping into their lives without ever really THINKING about it!
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I describe myself as a hoarding bulimic – I will hoard stuff for ages (binge), then just go nuts and get rid of it all (purge). Right now I’m building up to a big purge, the house is very tidy but the cupboards are getting out of control.
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My MIL is an avid hoarder. She is also a mad op-shopper, and will buy anything if she thinks it’s a bargain, whether or not she needs it. She has houses (yes plural!) in different cities and towns, full of stuff that’s she’s picked up at the op-shop. She spends large portions of her time trying to manipulate people in to visiting the houses to look at the stuff. At Christmas and birthdays she gives my kids large bags filled with 2nd hand toys and clothes, most of which we have to give back to the op-shop, as we just don’t have room for it all in our apartment. She has even done things like buy outdoor play sets (plastic, with a little slide and cubby house) with the expectation that we will put it in our living room! She is a terribly difficult woman, and the only way we can work around her issues are to politely accept them, and then get rid of them. We’ve tried asking her not to buy us so much stuff, and she became so hugely offended, it just wasn’t worth it.
Personally, I’m happy with the digital age. I can take photos of everything that I want to remember, including things like children’s art works, I can keep all my music on a computer, and one day I’ll do the same with books. Having recently moved house, I’m in a very minimalist mind-set at the moment, and feel much happier the less clutter I have. I think it’s good advice to get rid of most things if you haven’t used/worn them in the last year.
Curious what the therapy will be for hoarders, if it becomes classified as a mental illness. A lot of hoarders are so happy with the way they do things, I can imagine a lot of them would simply not think they need help (and in many situations that’s probably the case).
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Taking pics of the kids’ art is a great idea! Can’t believe I haven’t thought of it before! Cheers
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And digital books!
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My MIL is the same. she literally has no room in a three bedroom town house and has not been able to get up the stairs because of all the “stuff’ she has for about 4 years now. It makes me phyiscally ill to be in that house and we will only visit if we can sit outside. awful. she too tries to give us bags and bags of stuff.
As a result mr Cat and I keep very little, all the ‘stored’ stuff (about 10 plastic containers of paperwork, military equipment, spare parts warranties etc is gone through every couple of years.
we have moved 5 times in the last 4 years, twice interstate. we only keep what we need and clean out clothes, toys etc seasonally.
I hate clutter. can’t stand it. I have one (small) wooden chest for sentimental things like the outfit my daughter wore home from hospital, or letters from my sisters….
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Hoarding can be symptom of obsessive compulsive disorder. In that instance it’s more than just being sentimental. It breaks families apart. It means the hoarder can’t function. I don’t mind someone having an un-tidy house -that’s their choice. But when it means your children can’t socialise with their peers in their own home, that you don’t have visitors for 8 years, that you can’t use your air conditioner in extreme heat because you’ve lost the remote control among all the junk, that you’ve run out of clean dishes and places to put the dirty ones. That’s an illness that needs to acknowledged and treated.
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Jeneane, you’re so right. There is a difference between being a bit messy, or a bit sentimentally attached to items, and being a compulsive hoarder.
Basically, if a home is unsafe (blocked exits, vermin etc), and the person making the mess is in complete denial, and they have lost family and friends, then they are most likely compulsive hoarders and in need of therapy. Sadly, it’s notoriously difficult to treat
If you have a bit of stuff laying about, or you keep your kids baby clothes and schoolwork, that’s just being sentimental. We’re all somewhere on that scale.
The key to managing it is to set boundaries – if it’s invading your personal spaces then it’s too much and you need to try to reduce it. Most people can make room for some sentimentality without it preventing them sleeping in their own bed or eating on their dining table.
If it bothers you, change it. If it’s not unsafe and it doesn’t bother you or anyone else in the household (be honest though) then leave it.
I’m also an Expert Accredited Professional Organiser and we see people on all parts of the scale every day.
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I am a neat freak. Even thinking about hoarding make me claustrophobic. That said I have great difficulty throwing out my son’s old school books and I have no idea why
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My grandma was somewhat of a hoarder, though her house was spotless. When she went into a nursing home and we were packing up the house, we found boxes and drawers filled with neatly organised receipts and cards and sometimes even shopping lists. She kept the thank you cards from her engagement party and she was married for nearly 60 years. She even had the shopping list for my uncle’s 18th birthday party and he’s now mid 50s. So you can be a hoarder and be a neat freak!
And with the school books, I feel that most people keep those!
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I am the opposite to a hoarder – im a ‘chucker’.
If I dont need it for my life to function, Im probably not going to keep it. Every time I move, I unpack as much as I need to find the essentials. All the other boxes go in the garage. If I need to find anything in the boxes, I go looking. If there is anything left in the boxes after 6 months, the contents go to St Vinnies/Salvos/the tip.
I love having a clutter free house.
The only exception to this rule is that Im a paperwork hoarder. I have terms and conditions, warranty paperwork, receipts, statements etc filed for the last 7 years, and wont be throwing any out in the near future
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Scan if you can
Your paperwork can be drastically reduced if you scan things onto your hard-drive (or memory storage device – whatever works). That way you get the delightful feeling of reducing those paper piles or filing cabinets combined with knowing everything is to hand if you should ever need it.
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Im clearly the worst Generation Y ever, because I dont trust scanned files. I have had too many corrupted files in my short time on this world to trust them lol.
Plus, my filing cabinets are wonderfully stored under the stairs, so no one knows how ridiculously organised I am.
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Cait, I’m exactly the same. I once read something that said, ‘Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.’ I absolutely stand by this.
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memory cues can be useful and beautiful
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I am exactly the same. I call myself a “mimimalist”!
When Mr W and I moved into together, he still had old t-shirts and ahem, other items of clothing with his name still sewn into them, from high school! I made him throw them away – he was 25 when we moved in together!
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My mother brilliantly classified us as maximalists! I love the term.
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Minimalist here too. Every time my friends come over they always remark that I’ve managed to get rid of more stuff. And I’m the second-hand selling queen among my FB network too. My kids will often claim I have sold something or given it away if they can’t find it *rolls eyes*
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Haha yes! My man also hoarded clothes that didnt fit him. We struck a deal that for every two shirts he threw out (which he didnt/couldnt wear anymore) we would buy him two new ones.
This method literally halved his clothing pile, and meant more storage for my clothes (which i have surprisingly few of)
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I know I am bad with maths but your post has me stumped.
If you have two shirts and you throw them out, then you buy two shirts how did you halve his clothing?
don’t you still have the exact same amount??
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Sorry we bought him one new one for every two he threw out! Clearly I was having a brain fail of huge proportions when i wrote that comment
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How is that reducing his clothing????
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Fellow chucker here!
Too much stuff makes me feel claustrophobic.
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