Victoria Haschka
First comes marriage. Then comes the baby.
Except when there’s a list.
When on our honeymoon my husband presented me his baby bucket list, part of me thought he was stalling. And a part of me worried I’d declared vows to a man who didn’t want children. It was a long list. Filled with hope in one hand and a passport in the other we set off:
To brave riots and see:
1. The great pyramids.
2. Eat at the best restaurant in the world
3. Chase Northern Lights
4. See lions in Africa
5. See the Grand Canyon
6. See the Chitchen Itza
7. To live on the other side of the world.
The list also housed things we wanted to learn to do:
8. Surf in Baja
9. Dance properly in our kitchen
10. Ski over an international border.
At the end it housed things I lobbied for before two became three
11.To perfect a signature dish
12. Take a carriage ride through Central Park
13. And maybe, just maybe cage dive with sharks.
Through the adventures I’m learning the list isn’t just about places, sights or things. It’s about the lessons we needed to learn along the way.
It’s about knowing you can still love your partner after 2 hours sleep in 48, when you’re both racked with Montezuma’s revenge. It’s about being able to laugh when they bring the wrong passport to the airport (that was me).
It’s discovering how one person needs to hold the other while the other dips, the strength you need to carry your own gear- and build your own family.
The list has haunted us for three years- a glorious millstone in our marriage. It’s near the end that I discovered who the list really is for.
Years before my husband had heard his parents lament the things they wished they’d done before they had him. So when his mum died too young she’d never explored all the streets of Paris or seen the sunsets of Santorini.
I’ve realised the list isn’t for us- it was for our unborn kids. So they never feel the guilt he did of robbing his parents of a chance to live large, and of embedding in our life a sense that you really do have to live every day like it might be your last.
But more than anything, the list is training for a new kind of awe.
We may have seen a lot of the world, but we know that before we have kids; we haven’t seen anything yet.
Victoria (Tori) Haschka is a Sydney born food travel writer. Her blog follows her efforts in feeding The Hungry One (the husband) and their quest to find the best places to eat, drink and be merry.
What do you want to do before you have children or what do you wish you had done?
Comments
156 Comments so far
I have a HUGE baby bucket list. I’ve already lived overseas, travelled rather a lot and I think that has only increased the things I want to do before I have children. Of course you can still travel after you have kids, but it’s a different kind of traveling – no backpacker dorms full of people with stories to tell, no late night bar crawls or clubbing until the wee hours – plus it’s more expensive as you need to pay for their flights too. That’s why I have two bucket lists, one crazy one to do prebabies and one full of everything else that can be done with kids in tow.
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I’ve done all I want to do except become a published author in my maiden name so I can use the excuse that it would be too hard to change to my married name.
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Ha! I am not a published author either (or even an unpublished author), but I still announced it is too hard to change my maiden name
Weird how that’s become the minority again! I’m very comfortable with it, and so’s my husband (it’s an identity thing for me), but people do comment a lot!
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like i will comment: to each their own but your babies will have their fathers name most likely, then you’re the odd one out… Pffft, too hard?!? Pretty lazy imo. I think i’d feel pretty crap as a kid if my mum who apparently loves my dad, couldnt be stuffed changing her name…
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Well I guess narrow minded people raise narrow minded kids.
Wanting to maintain your identity and keep the name you’ve had for say 30 years is not laziness.
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My partner wanted to make a bucket list, because he felt like having kids would mean he could never again do anything he wanted. I told him that if he was going to make a child feel like such a burden, then he shouldn’t bother having one.
We’re going to make sure we do things we want to do; as a family, separately, as a couple, or individually with the kids. And never let anybody say “you can’t go to a metal festival, you have a bayyybeee!” or “you can’t go on a holiday by yourself, you have a husband and a child – how selfish” or “you have children now! it’s never about you, every again!”.
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I think it’s a great idea to do some travel b4 kids however in saying that, don’t leave it too late either.We discovered fertility issues in our mid to early 30′s, and while I have been blessed with kids, I may have run out of time to be blessed with as many as I would have liked. I now wish I had a couple more years up my sleeve.
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Dont leave it too late is a powerful message that shouldn’t be underestimated. I also started trying in my early thirties and it took eight years to complete our family with the help of IVF and surrogacy. I too wish I was younger, not because I want more children but because I feel too old to have such young kids. That said I am so deeply grateful for my three precious children
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My husband and I also had a bucket list it was filled with things like owning our own home, renevating our home, owning a brand new car and running our own business. We crossed off everything on our bucket list and when our daughter was born she had ongoing health challenges and with that came the need to simplify our lives in order to give her what she needed. We sold our house our car and business the things that had meant so much to us that we thought we had to have before we could have children very quickly became unnecessary as we discovered that the thing that matters most of all to us is having each other. Does having a child mean that we can’t achieve all of those things again? Absolutley not and if we don’t we will NEVER lament the things we have sacrificed to give our daughter what she needs, we chose to have her in our lives and we chose to take on the responsibilities that that entaled.The only job that we ask of her is to be the best that she can be, she owes us nothing.
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We did this, to an extent and I can understand why you have the list. You can’t dive with sharks with a toddler in tow, and you mightn’t be able to when you’re older. We did things we knew we wouldn’t be able to do with a child; 7 day party cruise through Croatia, spending extensive time at the very quiet Vatican, partying til the wee hours in Vegas, lived over in the USA in a party city with a long list of social engagments every week! Maybe some people aren’t interested in these things but we were and we did them I will never regret it.
But then we also finished uni, got permanent jobs and bought a house. We still intend on travelling after having kids, taking them places my parents weren’t able to take me. But with the added cost and the ‘different’ experience we wanted to get those travel bugs out of the system first. I wanted experiences I could tell my kids about, I wanted my eyes opened to things I’d never seen and came back from travels with different views on the world that I’d like to share with my future children. Kids won’t be a burden but travelling with them will be a completely different experience, I’m imagining parks and hikes and Disney not bars and late nights and extensive grubby public transport etc.
Tori your list is great! You will have an awesome time. And I love the last line too
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This is how I feel too.
You can absolutely have adventures with children (and I hope we do, in the future when we have them), but there is nothing wrong with taking advantage of your childfree years to do all the things that are just a bit easier (or more appropriate) without kids!
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Totally agree!!
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The story comes across like having children is a sentence!
You can do most of those things with children, and last year we walked the streets is Paris – with children! And every time I look at photos I think I am so lucky that I was able to do that with my kids and share the experience with them because they had the absolute best time and will have memories of that forever.
I had kids fairly young by today’s standard so now we are beginning to do our adventures as a family.
I just find the article a bit sad that the authors husband feels that he stopped his mum doing things because he was born and she died young. And that it comes across as they can’t do anything once kids come along.
Appreciate the list and well done for achieving it but find the concept a bit weird – sorry.
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I agree, we have travelled a lot with our children. But admittedly it would have been a hell of a lot cheaper to do it when we were buying 2 return tickets and not 6. And we could fit into a single room and now we need a 3 bedroom apartment! But we have wonderul memories with our kids. Being stranded at Rome airport for 8 hours because the Pope was arriving back on our flight and he was delayed, having unattended luggage blown up at Orly airport, going to Westminster Abbey 3 weeks after the Royal wedding, being in Athens the day after the riots. Our kids have loved it as much as we have and we all have stories to tell.
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Oh isn’t Westminster Abbey the most beautiful enchanting place in the world! My kids loved it. We were there after the royal wedding too, it completely took my breath away.
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Yes!
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I got pregnant just after we got married. To be honest my list before having a child was this:
See Mary Poppins on stage. Which we did 1 month a bit before our daughter came.
I’ve never had a desire to travel, etc and anything I want to do in life I want to do with my Husband and daughter by my side.
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I’m with you. I’m most happy at home with my hubby & kids. When I was single sure i did stuff but it was only because I could. I have no real desire
to travel anywhere but America. I just don’t have an adventurous personality I guess! I’m not a drinker & don’t fancy being around them (or smokers) when out & about. I’m not a big people person & hearing people talk non stop about where they’ve been bores me. I’m very happy for them obviously because they r realizing their dreams but I just don’t care lol
I guess while some are happy jet setting, I’m happy doing what I do everyday.
I will probably cop a bunch of bitching over this but I don’t care. I’ve twice had life threatening illnesses and I didn’t have any regrets then and I don’t now
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Like much to do with life…..a good balance is surely the answer.
I have been fortunate enough to travel extensively with my late husband prior to having children…… and is was wonderful and exciting and all the things you’d expect and now in retrospect those memories are even more special as he passed without any regrets….we lived our lives large.
Then when our daughter was born and was 8 months old, I took her to Canada, USA, and Hawaii on the way home. Again, it was exciting and challenging and now I can say – very brave of me ( although at the time I was determined to manage a normal life and not see it as brave, just a parent travelling with their child ) to continue with travel plans that were in the pipeline before Darryl died suddenly.
I have a new life now, I remarried last year after 6 years into widowhood, and a couple of years before that I was given by my then partner ( now husband ) round the world tickets for the three of us as a valentines day gift…..I was able to see places again through the eyes of my daughter and my partner, who had never seen New York, Banff etc……….. it was marvellous on a whole new level.
Of course plans can be achieved with or without children in tow……. the outcomes are usually based around the level of preparation put on coupled with expectations.
I will add that I am certainly less willing to put myself in risky scenarios now that I am a parent, I have given away my scuba pursuits, I will not again have random thoughts of sky diving or bungee jumping…… and in saying that…… is there anything wrong with this kind of forward thinking …… to fulfil desires of a riskier nature prior to child rearing ….. just my thoughts.
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Love it, love it, love it! Husband and I have the same. Want to travel & do things without having to worry about looking after a little one.
Bit worried about some of the responses below though. Seem to be offended that some people want to experience things without/before kids, not sure why though.
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I completely agree with you- I’ve made a similiar list myself. There are lots of things that we both want to do before we consider having kids as we think it’s much better for the child when they do enter the world.
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I’m also a little confused by some responses below. Surely pre-baby life is all about having the luxury to be a bit selfish and do things like travelling without worrying about little ones!
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The thing that strikes me the most here, is how your husband heard his parents lament the things they’d never done before having kids, and ended up feeling like their life sentence, instead of their joy. No wonder he wants to feel like he’s ‘lived’ before having his own little ones to love.
Enjoy this stuff before your kids, with your kids, after they’ve left the nest, but perhaps more of a lesson here is, whatever you do and whenever you do it, don’t make them feel like they’ve ended your dreams…
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I’m sure if given the choice – travel the world or have a family, his mother would have chosen the family.
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Cant help but wonder is the demographic that goes about fulfilling their “bucket lists”are the same ones that whine about not being able to get on the property ladder? Or in a similar vein think that a birth experience is all about them?? (rather than the baby)
Yes I was fortunate enough to travel widely before I children. Having kids hasn’t stopped us. Granted the locations are less exotic, but the way they add to my life narrative is no different. I think you make a choice to be happy and enjoy experiences as they unfold rather than only being happy once you have done X Y and Z.
Yep its camping and cubbies under the kitchen table for this house hold- and happily so.
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Floraly, regarding the first part of your comment, what makes you think/wonder that?.
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sprung slightly…it may or may not have been an underhand dig at my brother and his wife who are always jetting off here and there and lead quite a flashy life, but also winge about not having their own house.
just saying that i think living a glamorous life of travel can set up unrealistic expectations that everything always has to be perfect and glossy. in some peoples life there isnt a great sense of sacrifice, just a sense of entitlement and expectation that life should be rosy all of the time.
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I tend to agree with you. Several of our friends travelled and lived overseas extensively while we opted for a mortgage and staying at home in Sydney. Once they all finally returned they had a lot of trouble first getting jobs and then getting into the property market and none of them could live where they really wanted to because the market had started to go crazy while they were overseas. And they would often tell the rest of us how lucky we were. No we’re not lucky, we just made a different choice
And now we’re travelling with our kids.
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No – I commented below saying that I had filled and achieved my pre-baby bucket list, I am also fortunate enough to own a 3 bedroom home in Sydney’s inner west, and no my birth experience was all about my daughters safety and well-being.
Not sure why you are making such judgements.
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“demographic that goes about fulfilling their “bucket lists”are the same ones that whine about not being able to get on the property ladder?”
I’ve done the sums – and I can get a 5 week trip in Europe for less than 6 months’ interest-only payments on a tiny mortgage.
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Would have to admit – we had children STRAIGHT after getting married and sometimes I think it would have been nice to just be ‘married’. We still try to do our bucket list with kids in tow, but most of our overseas trips will be more éducational’ then dining in the best restaurant in Paris. Putting each other first is always paramount to being great parents, but for those who jumped the gun, (like me!) sometime you just need to modify the bucketlist to include things which you can do with a baby on your back!
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I too had a pre-baby bucket list, not quite so involved though. It required hubby to give up smoking (I was not bringing a baby into a house with a smoker), our first overseas trip and a promotion at work for both of us. We achieved all of those things before our littlie was born.
BUT…
This year, for our tenth wedding anniversary, without our little girl (who is being looked after, happily, by both sets of parents) we’re going to Europe for the first time for a three week trip, just the two of us! It can be done AFTER children are born!
I think to consider here too is not waiting too long to have children, due to the difficulty with conceiving etc…just something else to agonise over I suppose!
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Go you! My parents took trips after I was born – sometimes together, sometimes my mum would go or just my dad.
As a kid, I was always thrilled because it meant staying at my aunt’s house if they were both gone. If my dad was away, Mum and I would do ‘girly’ things together, if my mum was gone, Dad would organize something really cool for just the two of us to do.
I am not scarred.. in fact, it’s inspired me to do similar things when I have children. Not every trip needs to be a family holiday.. sometimes it’s nice for kids to have a holiday from their parents too!
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Victoria, I often hear of couples getting pregnant whilst on holiday. Great list!
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I’m in complete agreement with you Tori. If one has the opportunity I think doing a lot of those things before children can be amazing. Not to say travelling and experiencing the world with kids can’t be, but I know my own experiences ten years ago did NOT accommodate my family now. I am looking forward to doing even more travel with my children and husband in the coming years but it’s a completely different experience.
Those memories of the two years in my early twenties, living and working in London with a young crowd, backpacking around Mediterranean Europe, partying till dawn in Spain, catching dodgy trains throughout Morocco and going where I wanted when I wanted on my own will never be forgotten, or replicated. I have no doubt that one day my family will stand atop the Eiffel Tower together or whatever, and I know I will enjoy those days so much, but gosh I appreciated my own experiences.
I only wish my husband and I had been able to do something similar together as well. We’ll just leave that for when the kids leave home and we spend all their inheritences!
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We plan to travel after my kids are old enough to be left at home alone. Leaving it until later will also allow us to do it in style – no backpacking for me.If I’m never around to actually do it then so be it.
Pre-kids we concentrated on paying as much off the mortgage as we could, which means I now get to spend less time working and more with the kids. It also means we can have a bit of a splurge on any of our rare child-free nights.
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I’m totally in agreement with you. The idea of backpacking horrifies me! I have many friends who come home with their travel stories which basically involve alot of drinking with other travellers and seeing some awesome sights under the haze of a chronic hangover.
We also paid as much as possible off the mortgage before our bubbas arrived (plus had a couple travel experiences more our style… Malaysia and NZ and various parts of Aus). I expect one day we will travel the world in style if we decide we want to but at the moment I am perfectly content!
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Aww, this is sweet. The most lovely thing about this piece is that you both planned such fantastic, adventurous things together – a really great match.
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I’m in my early 20′s and I would LOVE it if I fell pregnant today but at the same time, I’m desperate to see more of the world before I have children. Ideally I’d also love to also own my own house, but I know that’s at least a few years away and I don’t know if I could wait that long! My boyfriend and I are planning a big trip to Europe for next year and we’ve agreed that if I “accidentally” start skipping my birth control pills after that, whatever is meant to happen will happen
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Wow – having my baby boy is THE BEST thing I have EVER done! And I’m pretty sure he could come along to most of these…
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How wonderful that you could experience all of this!
For myself and my husband, we had some fertility scares and decided to try for a baby 3 or 4 years earlier than originally planned.
Knowing that my biological clock may have been running out, I could not have packed up and spent all of our money on travel- only to come home and suffer through the heartache of infertility.
For those who are able to tick off all places/things on their lists before children- I commend you.
But for me, 16 weeks pregnant and not very well travelled, I’ll happy to be expecting an amazing little baby. Hopefully my husband and I know enough to offer our baby the same insights and experiences as someone who has ticked everything off their “bucket” list.
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I’ve been working on writing a bigger bucket list recently but haven’t put a time frame or pre/post kids ideal on a lot of things. Some stuff – like going to the Greek Islands – is something I’d like to do soon, without kids. Living overseas for a while can wait until my career is more established so kids may be involved then.
I want to live a little, and travel a bit before kids, but I also want to provide my children with a childhood where they are exposed to different cultures and experiences.
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I’m so happy to read all the comments about how having children doesn’t stop you doing most of these things. It’s 2012, not 1912! Having children doesn’t mean you have to stay home any more, and travel is the cheapest it’s ever been! In fact, having only one of us in full time work has meant more flexibility than ever.
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I think we are a pretty self indulgent society. Other people around the world are worried about how to feed their children and provide them with shelter, clean water and medicene. And here we are worrying about how children are going to ruin our luxury lifestyle.
However, that being said, here are a few things i wished i’d finished before i had children –
high school
university
gotten a career, so i could support my children and not rely 100 per cent on my husband
Think that’s about it, everything else can wait.
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My husband and I chose to live in Europe, travel the world, eat in hundreds of restaurants for the same reason… we wanted to make sure we had lived our life for us, so that when we were ready for children we could focus purely on them and have no regrets.
I am so grateful for the experiences and as Tori mentioned in her article – it taught us many lessons and brought us closer together.
We’ve achieved all that we set out to pre-baby and now we have a gorgeous 9 month old baby girl. It doesn’t mean we can’t share future travel experiences with her – (she was born in England and we plan to take her back there one day – maybe to live if work takes us there again, or just for a European holiday.) So it doesn’t mean we can’t share future travels with her – but we’ve created many memories for just the two of us and gotten those huge journeys of trekking around Italy, spending 12 hours walking the streets of Rome (I don’t know many children who would be keen to do that and then sit outside in a piazza eat pizza and drink wine until midnight only to get up in the morning and do it all again.)
The world is a big place – I will still travel with my daughter and when she leaves home. There are still many places to see.
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I understand what you are saying but totally disagree.
I’m loving doing my list with my Children, it makes it more fulfilling, fun and exciting being able to share it with them. Even though we might not be able to go out clubbing till 4am, we still have a awesome time.
I don’t understand why people have a pre-baby list, why do people think your life stops after having kids?
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Your life doesn’t stop, it just becomes different. And I don’t think it is fair on my little one to be dragged around to things that are boring for him for weeks on end in order that I fulfill my dreams. I was 35 before I had my little boy and was very glad that I had done so much travel and living overseas etc beforehand. It means I don’t feel like I’m missing out or having to sacrifice to have my child. I really do feel that I’ve had my cake and I’m eating it too.
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Amen to that Rachael. I agree totally with you having virtually done the same thing. Its also a very simplistic view of other people to assume that you can “just continue as BC” and take your kids with you – what happens if your perfect life throws you a curve ball and you have a child you will be caring for for the rest of your life and just getting out your own front door is a challenge every morning – that’s my reality now and I for one am really glad I unknowingly did my pre-baby bucket list of travelling, getting ridiculously smashed and being totally and absolutely completely self-indulgent because now I can give my full attention and care to my child who will need me 24/7 for the rest of my days without one single regret.
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Love it Tori. I have to add though, not as a criticism, but as a flicker of hope for those who may think that these adventures may have to be shelved if you are with child: I firmly believe that the best years of my life are taking place right now, as a single mother to a gorgeous 3 year old (as of next week!) little girl.
When I fell pregnant extremely unexpectedly, I won’t lie – visions of all of the things on my bucket list flashed before my eyes. I was terrified that I would never travel again, never finish my studies, never have those crazy times that are the stories to tell your grandkids.
And, whilst it’s true that having a child is life-changing in the most fundamental of ways, for me it’s also been a rebirth of sorts. I am happier, healthier, and more full of joy for life than I have ever been. There have been sleepless nights, horror, tear-filled days, and moments of boredom, sure.
But my girl and I have adventures every day. We dance, we sing, we cook.
And, last year, we travelled – to Paris, London and the south of France. The 30 hours it took us to get to Paris via Hong Kong was certainly not the easiest of trips, but by God it was worth it. We saw more parks in Paris than I ever would’ve known existed, but also saw a softer side of the city. We played in the sand with baby Parisians, had lazy lunches in the south, and watched the haystacks roll by as we took a 7 hour train trip with my brother and parents.
To cut a long story short – we had adventures that I never would’ve dreamt of. So my bucket list is now taking place with child, and though it’s a different life to the one I had dreamt of it is also better beyond measure.
That being said – loving hearing of your adventures, and on the everyday weeks that I can’t do it myself, reading of the amazing food, wine, sights and sounds on your blog is the next best thing.
You guys are going to have some amaazing stories for the grandkids! xxJ
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Thats just beautiful!
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One of my favourite shots – our second day in Paris
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gorgeous photo! But i still find kids on leashes are still weird – -thats what hands are for?
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I find leashes weird too but I occasionally use one for my 2 year old daughter. Hands are fine but “the leash” allows the child to be semi independent without having to worry whether they will get lost in a crowded area or run over by passing traffic if you let go of their hand. The ones attached to the soft toy backpacks look better than the old style ones from back when I was a kid. I remember my mum putting a leash or “harness” on my unruly younger brother at the shops when he has little and he just sat down and refused to move – if he had a cuddly monkey on his back tho I think he would have lead just fine lol.
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Oh I know – a leash was one of the things I was ‘never, ever’ going to do as a parent. But the logistics of travelling solo with toddler on the long haul flight, including an 8 hr stopover in HK, with all of our hand luggage, stroller etc and a kiddo who LOVES her freedom had me thinking differently. I only used it when we were travelling, but it became a real comfort item for my daughter, and a very handy thing to have when it was appropriate for her to have a bit of freedom, but not to be running rampant. Plus it was a pink monkey, which she loved so much she would refuse to take it off, and sobbed when forced to (e.g. through airport scanners!).
These days the monkey is used as a backpack, the leash was lost in London, never to be seen again
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Beautifully said, you sound like a wonderful Mum, i applaud you and your travels, what a great experience to share
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Before I had children of my own, I also used to recoil in horror when I’d see children on leashes, but now that I’ve had a two year old, I completely get it!! I think the ‘leashes’ of today are a far cry from what they used to be, and the ones attached to a backpack are nothing like the harnesses that were around when I was a child. I think if you have a child that hates holding hands and runs off at every possible opportunity (which is most toddlers), they are not a bad idea.
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I bought my daughter one that attaches to a monkey back-pack when we went to Thailand. She didn’t like to hold hands and I was worried about her near traffic. Anyway she loved it, I hated it. She’d insist on wearing it all the time and make me hold the tail and follow her around wherever she wanted to go. She seemed to think of it as a sort of parent-leading device.
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They are a bit weird, yes.
But after experiencing numerous houdini / absconding incidents + one involving a moving vehicle (which thankfully stopped!) – I didn’t give a shit how it looked anymore.
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Adorable
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Gorgeous response and beautiful photo. Your daughter is a very fortunate and blessed little girl to be growing up surrounded by love and experiences.
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The best response I’ve read on Mamamia all day! Your girl is lucky to have such a great mother who views life so positively.
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awww.. well this just gave me the biggest smile of my afternoon, what a lovely thing to say, thankyou. It’s not all rainbows and sunshine, but i’d like to think we have a pretty great life. And we are very blessed to have amazing family and friends
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That was so lovely to read! What wonderful memories you’re creating for you and your daughter. Such a beautiful photo too.
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This makes me sad. Are we now so selfish as to believe that our own identities are so important and separate from those around us that we cannot share these experiences with our children? My most favoured memories of my childhood are of travelling with my parents, listening to my father explain the history of a place or sharing in the wonder of discovering a hidden little valley while walking with my mum. I am looking forward to travelling to Europe when my daughter is older and sharing that adventure with her.
My daughter has brought out the best in both myself and my husband. I in no way feel like my life has stopped or that my identity is disappearing. Am I unique in this? Or are we just being presented with a media stereotype that works very well as a marketing ploy so that we can continually sate our need to feel like a ‘unique individual’? I don’t know, maybe I am too cynical.
All I know is that my child has not ‘robbed me of my chance to live’. Having her is part of my life story and the greatest adventure of my life…so far
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I agree wholeheartedly “Anon for this”
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Couldn’t agree more
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Beautiful ideas Victoria
My point of view is the opposite … I wanted to save things like that for AFTER I had kids, so I could share some of them with them!
Especially travel-type and learning items. It makes things so much more special having your kids there.
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Interesting concept, a ‘baby bucket list.’ I may have not conquered the world of travel but I have the most wonderful son & husband and will never regret or lament not having been to a certain country. If I missed my chance of having a family that is what I would regret the most. Central Park or sunsets in Santorini will still be there
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Life goes on and dreams change, but kids don’t shackle you to a life of spending every weekend mowing the lawn unless you want it to.
Things I’ve done since having kids that I never would have done previously:
- moved to a new country;
- three week road trip around South australia;
- climbed and explored the temples around Angkor Wat;
- haggled for Smurf toys in toy street jn Hanoi;
- showed my girls how to either float over or dive through waves;
- zip lined off a 20 metre tower;
- spent hours exporing rock pools;
- ridden the Disneyland Dumbo ride;
-lay on the grass and watched clouds float by;
- laughed until tears ran down our faces.
For me, life got Better after kids. I found a braveness and strength that I didn’t have before because I’m keen to set an example for them, but at the same time they set an example for me. When my five year old launches herself down a zipline multiple times, it gave me the courage to try it. The parent/child relationship goes both ways!
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No reason not to do some of this with kids (maybe not the cage swimming with sharks though
)
We just came back from a 6 month adventure living in Italy (which incidentally can be very cheap once the airfares are paid for…much cheaper than living in Sydney) with our 1 year old and 3 year old. It would have been different certainly doing it without kids – but we just loved it!
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I always look in wonder at people like you! Well done. Wow.
I would honestly rather shoot myself in the foot than travel like that with my two of the same age!!
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Wow! I think that’s an awesome adventure! Can I ask what scares you about that so much Nnn?
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I can’t speak for Nnn but we went to Europe last year for 2 months with our 3 and 6 year old children. We put the trip off for 2 years because our youngest did not travel well as a toddler (hated long car/bus/train trips, hated sleeping anywhere but her own bed). I think it does depend on the temperaments of your children. We took our son travelling a lot when he was a baby and toddler but there was no way we could do the same with his sister.
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Wow, that is amazing! Would love to do something like that with our little girls. Did you work over there?
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I got to a do few adventurous things before I had kids, although I didn’t get to travel extensively overseas. However for me it was about achieving financial independence as a woman, realising my career ambitions etc. I’d always desperately wanted to be a mother though, so that was definitely a top 3 goal. As mentioned below, it all depends on what you value most. If you can achieve those things that are most important to, you should have no regrets later in life.
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I asked my mother that question and her answer:- I wish I had used birth control (or that it was available) that way I would not have been a mother at 17 in the days when to fall pregnant out of wedlock meant a girl was a slut. I could give you kids a decent education and I probably would have been a better Mum, although I could not have loved your more…. My dear Mum, hard working decent and kind.
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Would love to do all that but need the money!!!! I think I’ll always have the desire to travel more and see more though, even once I do have kids.
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It’s appearing more and more likely that we won’t be able to have children (of our “own” for medical reasons. We all just have to make the most of what resources we have and live life to our fullest. it has made me more determined than ever to do just that.
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I wish I had the money to do all these things. I agree the experiences teach you so much more about how to be a caring, loving supportive partner which is essential when you have little people to be a role model for.
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I wish so much that I had done this before having kids but I fear my list would have kept growing and growing and I may have missed my chance. the last sentence is so true. as amazing as all those adventures are nothing is as amazing as seeing your newborn babies face for the first time.
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Interesting! I had my children at 21 and 23 so by my early 40′s I’ll be free to conquer my travel list.
If I die before then? I’ve still achieved my biggest desire in life which was to become a mother.
Guess it depends what you value the most.
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And when I’m told “Gosh! You’re young to have three kids.” That is exactly my response. Plus there is now way I would have even been able to think about this stuff without going into debt. At least, when I’m older and the children grown, and I’m tired of working – and don’t need to as much, travelling will be a nice reward for years of hard work.
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I love your post Nora. I’m 30 and saving for a house and my husband and I are putting a nest egg aside for a family. we would LOVE to travel and do many of the things on this list, but for us, we want to become financially secure and set our lives up, so we can hurry up and start that family. It’s the biggest priority. Of course if we had more spare cash, maybe we woudl feel we could do both at once. But at the end of the day, my biggest priority is a family.
By the way, I do appreciate the sentiment of your husband, and yours too Victoria! and what an amazing series of experiences to share together
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I was going to comment something along the lines of this, so I’ll just completely agree with yours instead. I was 22 when I started my family, had my youngest at 27. I have a bucket list too, and many plans of my own when the children are grown (when I’ll be in my 40′s). And like you, if that time never comes for me, well I don’t imagine anything will top the three most amazing experiences I’ll ever have.
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I had my first 2 kids at 19 and 22 and that was my aim. To travel when they’d grown. Having kids was one of my goals anyway and going to uni was another, which I did anyway. While they were young we travelled Australia (I’d like to go to Perth this year), which I also wanted to do. Then I had 2 more kids in my 30s and really messed the travel plan up, but I wouldn’t replace my kids for anything. We’ve take the girls overseas once and have all had fun.
I think “bucket lists” change over time anyway. What you may have wanted when young, may not be what you wanted later on in life.
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Lovely, Tori!
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