Heidi and friends.
She’s 28. She’s the host of a radio show on Perth’s Hot FM. She has a great group of friends, an infectious smile. But on the inside Heidi is crying.
For years she’s been struggling with an eating disorder that’s slowly taken over her life. She can’t leave the house without trying on 20 different outfits – and sometimes she doesn’t leave the house at all.
Last week Heidi went on air and publicly confessed those body insecurities. After the picture of a 20-something probably-size-14 girl standing proudly half naked in her bedroom with the caption ‘THIS IS MY BODY, DEAL WITH IT’ went viral a few weeks earlier, Heidi also wanted to take a stand.
This is what she had to say:
In case you can’t watch the video, here is the transcript:
Looking at the photo of Stella, I think – what a champ.
How courageous she is for putting herself out there, baring bits of skin I would never ever let my friends see let alone the world.
She has put all on the table and gone love me or leave me… God I wish I had her strength. I wish I could be her!
Stella Boonshoft
I wish I could stand in front of you and say “up yours” to the guy on facebook who said I had more chins than a Chinese phone book. Stuff you to the guy who told me I wouldn’t have been stood up if I lost some weight.
You think that because I’m in this job that I’m confident within myself. You think because I put myself out there every day I’m happy with me. I’m not. I wish I could sit here and tell you I love myself because that’s what people expect me to say…but I can’t, I hate my body and every day I get up and it’s a battle to look in the mirror.
I measure myself 3-4 times a week. I can’t look in the mirror without feeling hate towards myself.
I want to stop it but I don’t know how. I’ve hated my body my whole life, sometimes I won’t leave the house because I hate what I see, Ill try on 20 different outfits. I think if I can’t love myself who will love me?
I’ve only just started wearing my arms uncovered at 28, it’s taken me this long to accept that’s what they look like.
Every single time I look in the mirror I struggle, every single person I compare myself to. At the age of 14 I had an eating disorder and I’ve battled with my weight my whole life.
I probably cover up my taunts and fears with a loud and outgoing personality. Today I stand before you, telling you I’m willing to try. To try and love myself, to be happy in my own skin. To be the role model people think I am. To be the healthy and fit 28 year old who doesn’t beat herself up for her shape. Today it starts, it starts right now…I want Stella’s strength and courage to love myself inside and out.
Plenty of listeners called in to Heidi’s radio show to share their own stories about body image – listen below…
Comments
33 Comments so far
Thanks for the beautiful message..Im eternally grateful for the love and support everyone has shown me! Now lets spread the love and I invite you to be apart of this journey with me?
WE NEED YOU!
You’re invited to help Hot FM take a stand
against body image issues.
On Thursday 20th December, Hot FM breakfast favourites, Tom and Heidi, will be bravely stripping down to their bathers and heading to Bunbury Back Beach at sunrise for the very first ‘Let It All Go Swim’, taking a stand against negative body image.
And you’re invited! Simply bring along your bathers and a great attitude to join in the fun, and be prepared to bid farewell to self-doubt and insecurity for good!
The Love Yourself Revolution is a very personal one for the Hot FM team. Earlier this month, Heidi candidly revealed her body image battles in a raw and emotional video, which sent media and social networks into a spin, ending up as a post on Mia Freedman’s popular site Mamamia.com.au – where it was read by over 100,000 people each day!
Heidi has garnered early support from Mia, a passionate advocate for positive body image, with Mia calling into the show to chat to the team. “Body image is something that is close to my heart and has been for my entire career since I started in magazines. It’s a cause that Mamamia promotes very strongly”.
Spurred by the incredible support and encouragement from fans in WA and around the nation, Heidi and the whole team realized that it was time to make a stand. In a wonderful show of solidarity, fans shared their own stories with Heidi – of shame and embarrassment, and sadly, the revelation that some people had not looked in the mirror for ten years. It was here, that the Love Yourself Revolution was born.
Heidi was blown away with the support – admitting that she’d reached a crucial turning point in her life. “As hard as this was, I am so happy with the response. The support and love that I have received is overwhelming. The inspiration I have given to other people to speak out and say hey I’m feeling that way too, has made this all worthwhile. Today I must start to love myself and tomorrow I will continue. I just hope others follow.”
Hot FM’s Love Yourself Revolution is a very simple message. Accept your body and love yourself from the inside out. Let go of the negative thoughts, embarrassment and fear – and focus on the positive.
Join the revolution and take a stand! Be brave, strip down and join the Hot FM team for the ‘Let It All Go Swim’ on December 20, at Bunbury Back Beach.
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Heidi, Hun – you have verbalised what so many men and, in particular, women think and feel about themselves. Many of us would wish that we had your guts too, but speaking out and being criticized or having ‘do gooders’ offering ‘helpful’ suggestions which they then expect you to carry out, means that most of us keep very quiet. The fact is, I fail in my daily struggle daily. I would love to have the courage you have – so you’re leaps ahead already! I met you at Bunbury Forum on Saturday and, though I know it we take the criticisms to heart and let the compliments slide, please hold on to the fact that those of us who met you or saw you thought you were awesome. Keep up your daily challenge and take heart that you are not alone. Remember too how you infect people with joy and hope. Thank you and bless you xx
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Heidi, well done for your positive attitude and taking steps to be happy in your own skin.
I am 31. I am proud of my body. It has produced the most perfect little boy. I respect my body by not drinking (too much) by exercising and eating a varied diet (and by varied I mean INCLUDING carbs / chocolate etc). All in moderation.
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I listen to Heidi and Tom every morning (BTW Heidi, big fan here!), and every time this topic comes up I have to turn it off. I’ve always wanted to speak out but every time I try (with friends and some family) I get pushed to the side and basically ignored.
I have been verbally abused, physically abused and just plain bullied my entire life about my weight. And at 19yrs old I am still receiving comments and backhanded complements about my weight, I laugh it off at the time, but really inside it hurts so much and my conscious is running away to hide. I don’t know why people think it is ok to put their two cents worth about my body, I don’t know why they have to put me down, tell me that I’m a freak, that I’m not natural, that I am disgusting, the list goes on and there is not one day that I don’t hear comment as such as these.
Possibly the worst comment I have experienced was that I was classified as not capable of being a ‘real woman’. That I wasn’t good enough to be classified as a decent female human being. This was from a group of women who ganged up and let it rip on the social network; Facebook. I read their comments and cried in dismay.
I am so critical of my body, so self conscious and with little self esteem.
By the way I am 48kg in weight and 166cm tall with an athletic build.
No one is safe, no matter what the scales say
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Thanks Anon means alot all the love and support Ive got from this! I would like to invite you to our swim.
Thanks for the beautiful message..Im eteranlly gratefull for the love and support everyone has shown me! Now lets spread the love and I invite you to be apart of this journey with me?
WE NEED YOU!
You’re invited to help Hot FM take a stand
against body image issues.
On Thursday 20th December, Hot FM breakfast favourites, Tom and Heidi, will be bravely stripping down to their bathers and heading to Bunbury Back Beach at sunrise for the very first ‘Let It All Go Swim’, taking a stand against negative body image.
And you’re invited! Simply bring along your bathers and a great attitude to join in the fun, and be prepared to bid farewell to self-doubt and insecurity for good!
The Love Yourself Revolution is a very personal one for the Hot FM team. Earlier this month, Heidi candidly revealed her body image battles in a raw and emotional video, which sent media and social networks into a spin, ending up as a post on Mia Freedman’s popular site Mamamia.com.au – where it was read by over 100,000 people each day!
Heidi has garnered early support from Mia, a passionate advocate for positive body image, with Mia calling into the show to chat to the team. “Body image is something that is close to my heart and has been for my entire career since I started in magazines. It’s a cause that Mamamia promotes very strongly”.
Spurred by the incredible support and encouragement from fans in WA and around the nation, Heidi and the whole team realized that it was time to make a stand. In a wonderful show of solidarity, fans shared their own stories with Heidi – of shame and embarrassment, and sadly, the revelation that some people had not looked in the mirror for ten years. It was here, that the Love Yourself Revolution was born.
Heidi was blown away with the support – admitting that she’d reached a crucial turning point in her life. “As hard as this was, I am so happy with the response. The support and love that I have received is overwhelming. The inspiration I have given to other people to speak out and say hey I’m feeling that way too, has made this all worthwhile. Today I must start to love myself and tomorrow I will continue. I just hope others follow.”
Hot FM’s Love Yourself Revolution is a very simple message. Accept your body and love yourself from the inside out. Let go of the negative thoughts, embarrassment and fear – and focus on the positive.
Join the revolution and take a stand! Be brave, strip down and join the Hot FM team for the ‘Let It All Go Swim’ on December 20, at Bunbury Back Beach.
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You are sooooooo gorgeous, Heidi – inside and out – and I don’t think there’s many women who can’t relate to what you’re saying here – it absolutely resonates with me and every day, I also try and forget that I’m not just the number on the scales, or that the size of my arse defines my worth. So we are with you on your journey, darling, and I support you a million per cent. GOOD ON YOU for saying all of this, and being so vulnerable – it’s healing. For us all. YOU GO, GIRL! You’re gorgeous and you’re wonderful. xoxoox
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Perth has Hot FM? Where have I been that I haven’t found this??
All the very best Heidi. I’ve had body issues since I was a pre-teen and skinny as a rake. I’m now in my 40′s and a size 16. Haven’t worn a bikini since I was 8. Motherhood, of all things, has made me appreciate that my body works; it functions; it cares for others; it earns a living and, although I am still very body conscious, I’m learning to like it. Just a little.
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I live in Bunbury and have seen Heidi out and about in town and she always looks amazing and stylish. I’m glad you’ve spoken out about this, it’s absolutely time for every woman to celebrate her body. I wish you all the best and thanks for making my mornings that much brighter, you and Tom run a great show.
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Dear Tash…….I’m sad for you that your issues run so deep.. – I do hope that you’re getting the help you need.
And Heidi, ………Thankyou for the THANKS – I was hoping you’d understand where I was coming from…..I certainly wasn’t intending to be harsh.
I’ve had body issues too with fluctuating weight and I’m finally at a place where I’m not necessarily happy about my weight – but more accepting and at peace with it.
Making myself miserable because of other people’s comments was way too time-wasting and non-productive.
I worked in radio for over 20years and I know behind the scenes so well – make your voice heard and “to hell with the rest”….lol.
Remember that you’re working in a “theatre of the mind” and that some people really do feel like you’re speaking directly TO them – it can be such an intimate medium.
In this game you’re going to be criticised and discussed and if they think they can have an impact on your positive vibes – they will.
Surround yourself with support and that support will flow on to your listeners.
I wish you well………xxxx’s
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Mu circumstances have changed in the past 10 years and i have had the look around and rethink many of my ideas. I have never been one who looks at others and thinks they are too “fat” but then i never had a problem with weight. I was 5ft and a size 8, but now later in life i am having trouble keeping my weight down.
I tell people i am an evolutionary success, my body stores food in the eventuality of a time of little food.
One thing i have noticed is the fact that people around my age (retired) it is not the slightly “chubby” who are dying, being thin doesn’t seem to be the solution for a long “healthy” life. Granted the really obese are in trouble, but chubby, nope.
My granddaughter is a bit of a natural chub; as a child her GP tried to say she was overweight (while being breast fed!!!!). Today i point out to her the many older people in her family ( who are chubby) are still not only alive but active and mentally healthy and there are lots of people we know of who have died and were thin.
I tell her Healthy is exercise and the right food, and that there are so many body types. We need to start shouting this information!!! I wonder how much the diet industry are making?
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This is just amazing. Thankyou Heidi for changing the way I think and do
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What an amazing, beautiful example of a role model you are Heidi.
We can’t help someone to choose a healthy lifestyle. But we can accept them and love them as they are.
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Well done Heidi. The more people speak out about this the more women will start realising that they are not alone in these battles.
I too have struggled with body image issues and not being able to accept my reflection in the mirror. The sad thing is – I have never shared my battle with anyone which can lead to a very lonely existence and an impossible illness to overcome.
I was probably at my absolute peak of starvation/bulimia/exteme exercise when I found out I was pregnant and that has changed my perception on things dramatically!
Being pregnant has been challenging at times as I come to terms with the changes in my body – but it also the kindest I have ever been to myself in terms of eating and exercising and not feeling the normal ‘guilt’ that comes along with it. I would be lying if I said I wasnt worried about what things will be like post baby – but I am also starting to realise there is more to life than food and exercise and I am sure it will be the last priority once the baby arrives.
Love and strength to you Heidi- and everyone else fighting this battle. We only get one shot at this life and I would hate to look back and see how much I missed out on because I was too concerned about how I looked. At the end of the day – no one is more critical than yourself – people will love you for who you are – not what you look like.
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Anonmumtobe, Congratulations on your pending birth. Please continue to be kind and gentle on yourself post pregnancy. You will need to have all the energy and strength to nurture your beautiful bundle of joy. Motherhood is not easy and if there was ever a time to be accepting, loving and caring of yourself it will be when your baby is born. Your baby won’t care how you look (nor will your partner I hope) because all they will know is the love you have for them; and that is the most beautiful thing of all. Just remember you are AMAZING!
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Miss Heidi,
Where do I start… we have known each other a long long time… One of my most vivid memories is when you told me that you wouldnt be able to invite me to your birthday party this year as you were going to be 5 and therefore were getting much older than me. Thinking about that memory makes me smile as much now as I’m sure it made me cry back then – but that shows that I’ve seen, unfortunately at most times from a distance, you grow into the remarkable woman you are today.
It therefore resonates with me that you and I feel remarkably the same about our bodies – and always over compensating with that over the top but totally loveable personalilty.
Thank you for being braver than I could ever have been and verbalising what I, and many other girls feel – it makes us feel not so alone.
Much love to you honey,
Alex xoxo
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Love yo Alex your gorgeous! You are a beautuful chick I cant believe I did that hahah xx
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Heidi your amazing you made me tear up I look in the mirror everyday and hate my body and think no wonder I can’t find Somone to love me I wish could be brave just like Stella thank you for making your stand it’s giving me courage to start to try and change my attitude towards myself
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Heidi…….there’s nothing wrong with your shape – or Stella’s.
You both seem healthy and strong and extremely attractive.
I’m not trying to do a guilt trip on you when I say this – but you could benefit from a bit of a reality check………….what I mean is, balance your priorities against those who don’t have your gifts.
It’s not a cliche’ to say “Go spend some time doing Meals on wheels…..visit some hospitals where people are being treated for Cancer, MS, Parkinson’s, or who have lost their mobility due to accidents or illness.
Spend some time genuinely helping people who’d give anything to be where you are right now……..
The trouble is – the company you’ve been keeping sucks !
They’re the ones who’ve been parading their skinny, bony bodies in front of you deliberately like some dodgy “badge of honour”.
They’ve enjoyed your pain – now it’s time for you to disappoint them big time!
You’re the success – not them……..You’re the talented one – the one with star quality……….and what have THEY got ?
A big fat NOTHING.
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Hi Caz,
Yes thank you for those words of wisdom & truth! It is so true, you forget to appreciate what you’ve got and of course a reality check is what this for me has been all about. Thank you for taking the time to share your truthful words.
H x
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I think this is a tad harsh….. I’m sure as you well know, eating disorders (I’m classing body dysmorphia in this category as well, not just anorexia or bulimia) are a mental illness.
So yes, while there are other people in the world suffering greatly, please don’t think that lessens what people with ED’s are going through. It’s a gruelling illness that can destory lives.
Please be careful when making comments like the one you just made. As a long time sufferer of bulimia and body dysmorphia, I took great offense to your post.
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One of the most powerful & moving things I’ve ever heard! It was an honour to be in the studio hearing Heidi speak so openly and courageously! It’s not easy to be so brave, especially when thousands of people are listening! I couldn’t be any prouder to call Heidi a friend. What an inspiration!
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Hallelujah! It’s amazing how you listen to someone else’s story and every single word resonates with you. Thank you for your honesty. After hating my body for the last 27 years, trying every single diet/ pill available I still do not accept my body. I guess it takes a lot of time to heal the horrific comments that I still get to this day, like ‘but you have a really pretty face’ and ‘you carry your weight well’ , gee thanks!! Alas, it IS time to love ourselves and see ourselves for the fantastic people that we are, not the horrible people that WE THINK we are because our bodies are not what society accepts. Oh and Heidi, You are gorgeous! Looking at your photos on the clip you like a fun and bubbly girl. Power and strength to you!
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Buggles what powerful & truthful words! Im so proud that you have made the decision to start today…you can do it and at anytime if you ever need some love and support I’m here for you tomandheidi@hotfm.com.au – even if its just a vent or something. Thank you to everyone for the love and support, you’ve really made this easy & let’s start today with the Love Yourself Revolution. Big love Heidi xxx
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Heidi (and Stella) you are both amazing, beautiful, strong and empowering women. Thank you for speaking out. If you ever feel down and that you’re not worth it just remember that we all believe in you and support you. Don’t let the bastards get you down! xxx
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I am going through exactly the same thing. And I mean exactly. I was explaining how I felt to my best friend on Saturday night. She has always been an absolute stunner and has always worked hard to look well and be healthy. She has always been really supportive but never quite understood how I struggled so much with my weight and body image.
I know the case is different for everyone but the way I had it recently explained to me is that the thoughts/motives that make ME binge eat are the same as those that make an alcoholic drink or a drug abuser shoot up or a cutter cut themselves. It is a mental illness.
The difference I find though is that my shame is out there for everyone to see. A drug user can hide their track marks with long sleeves but my fat and my shame is out there for the whole world to see, and quite often comment on. I felt miserable, I hated waking up in the mornings, I hated going out in the world, I hated myself and I was so full of shame and self loathing that I didn’t want to live anymore. I actually planned out how I was going to end my life and was prepared to do it and I am lucky and thank God everyday that I was actually interrupted just before I went to do it, and that was just enough time for me to snap out of it and realise that as bad as it all was it would get better.
I am really lucky that now I have such amazing friends and professionals rallying behind me at the moment.
Following a couple of really good sessions with my shrink and trainer, and some good chats with my parents and bestie I have decided that last weekend was the end of it, the end of the bingeing and excuses and shame.
I had a $200 bottle of wine that was a gift to me from a friend that I was told to save for a special occasion. So I sat down alone yesterday and drank it over 9 hours. The first half of the bottle was grieving for the years I had lost to this horrible mental illness and saying goodbye to the “old me’ and the second half was a toast to the new me and a celebration for all the good things to come.
When I woke up this morning I threw out all the alcohol in my house. Threw out all the junk food, loaded my work bag with more fruit and veg than a green grocers and threw my gym gear in the car.
It’s going to be a struggle but I am excited for the future and all the good things to come and to actually loving myself.
Heidi (and anyone else in the same situation) – Please don’t think you have to do it alone. And please don’t think that no one understands. And please don’t think that having all these horrible thoughts about yourself is normal. Please make some noise about it. Tell anyone who will listen!! Talk to your family, your friends, your GP anyone. And get help. And be kind to yourself.
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Well done on making this huge decision. It will be tough my GOD it will be so tough but you are making such huge steps and you can do it!
Go BUggles GO!!
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Well done Buggles. I wish you positivity and strength
Remember the road is not always straight, and you may trip and fall down, but it’s how you get back up that matters….
I live a very similar life. Since I was attacked and sexually assaulted at 19, I have chose to take my anger out on myself and my body. I am a Sz 8-10, but I refuse to look at myself in the mirror. I’m now nearly 31…. I have tried to take my life several times, I need 3 different medications to get myself out of bed every day. I don’t remember a lot of my 20s, despite doing 3 degrees, including one honours degree.
So my advice is, don’t waste anymore time. Embrace life and move forward
I wish you, and anyone else suffering, all the best…
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Lou Lou you’re comment brought me to tears – with the exception of the sexual assault being in childhood and not having a degree, that resonates exactly with my experience xx
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Good on you for doing what you are doing I was in the same boat as you was and I learnt that you must love yourself first before anything will happen,But in say that it is not always easy to do that but you know what made me look at myself in that way was sitting down and watching RUBY STORY on Foxtel.I looked at Ruby and thought to myself that is me right to a Tee.I have change my life in a big way I have lost 50kg and have gone from a size 26-28 to a size 14-16 I put all my weight on from just eating more then i should have and my in-law did not help in anyway alway telling me that I was fat and was not good enough for her son but I still marry him and have been marry for 19 years and I don”t have much to do with his family.I have lost my weight the hard way it has taken 17 year for me to loss the 50kg but I am getting there I am starting to look in the mirror and I like what I am seeing now. Remember that you are not the only one going thought it that lot of people out there are doing it to I found talking to friend was a big help I would like to wish you well you have taken the first step and don:t give up.
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Buggles you have bought me to tears.
I also want to say “Go Buggles Go!”
All the best
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Oh Heidi you made me cry. I wish I was in Perth so I could say ‘come and see me and we’ll work on this to stop it from ruling your life!’. Anyone battling with body image issues or eating disorders needs to have professional help. Sometimes it is not enough to try ‘mind over matter’, because your mind has proven to you that it can be horrible and nasty and play tricks on you, so you need to have someone in your corner that you trust (and is objective) being the voice of reason that your mind cannot be much of the time.
This is a long road, but you CAN do it. Keep riding this wave of motivation and take the next step – Find a professional that you feel comfortable with, who will be straight up with you and who will be in it for the long haul, because you will need them the whole way.
Good luck xoxoxo
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Thank you:) Thank you for trying, for recognising you deserve better. For starting to see your beauty beyond the magazine image version.
For me, it took being a mother, and oddly, being disabled, to become proud of this old body. I hated it for years (too thin, too fat, too flat chested, too ugly), despised it for losing babies (10 pregnancies, 5 living babies, and i hated my body for every baby I thought it had ‘failed’).
Then my body (my spine) got mangled in a car accident. I can walk, just not far, and I live in constant chronic pain. And my old body, at 45, still struggles on to my wishes. I was told I could never work again – well, here I am. I was told I would probably never manage a ‘normal’ life again, here is a disability pension. Well, thanks, appreciate assistance when needed, but that is not ALL of me.
My body has tried so hard to do all I have asked of it. It gave me five living babies against very heavy odds, and nurtured each of them for a further couple of years of breastfeeding. It tries to move when asked. It lets my brain continue to function at speeds the rest of the body cannot meet – but oh, at least I have that!
So, body, with stretch marks and bumps and lumps and small boobs and odd, now interesting face, hair that started going grey at 14 and is now interesting reds (thanks hair dye!), that endures all I push and put it through – thanks. Thank you for being a companion on my journey, for being the vessel I live in.
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What a great way to think of your body. That tells me your mind is just as strong as the body that keeps on going!
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