by MIA FREEDMAN
What’s the difference between a scented candle and an unwanted pregnancy? There isn’t one! They’re both gifts and should be accepted with smiling gratitude.
When Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum was asked earlier this year how he’d feel if his daughter was raped and became pregnant, he insisted he wouldn’t want her to have an abortion and would instead encourage her to see the pregnancy as ‘a gift’.
Last week, Richard Mourdock, the Tea Party-backed Republican Senate candidate in Indiana, declared during a debate that he was against abortion even in the event of rape because after much thought he “came to realize that life is that gift from God. And even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen.”
This word is often used by people opposed to abortion and at first, it seems like a reasonable one. Babies are a gift, aren’t they? Many new parents use that exact word, especially if they’ve struggled with infertility.
But what about the ones who don’t choose – or want – to be pregnant?
A candle and an unwanted pregnancy do have this in common; neither ‘gifts’ were chosen by the recipient. And that’s where the similarities end. Because lives aren’t plunged into poverty and extreme emotional, mental and physical hardship by a candle that smells like figs. Journalist Caitlin Moran masterfully argues against the idea of unwanted pregnancies being ‘gifts’ in a recent column where she says:
“From the shop floor of pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood, here’s what that gift can entail: tearing, bleeding, weeping, exhaustion, hallucination, despair, rage, anaemia, stitches, incontinence, unemployment, depression, infection, loneliness. Death. Women still die in childbirth. Not as many as used to – but notably more die while receiving any other “gifts”, such as scented candles, or minibreaks. Additionally, “gift” sounds hopelessly inadequate to describe your children, whom you inhale like oxygen, swoon over like lovers and would die for in a heartbeat. I have never done this over a foot spa, book token or vase.”
This week I watched Mitt Romney’s wife Anne on The View face questions about her husband’s strong anti-abortion views and what they could mean for women if he were elected President. She tried to demur, saying it was ‘a very tender issue’ and segued quickly towards less emotive ground. “What most women are saying to me when I talk to them is ‘help’,” she countered with faux gravity, “because they’re in terrible financial strife.”
At that point, I had a shouting-at-the-TV moment. “Can’t you see the connection between those two things, Anne? Forcing women to have babies they don’t want and can’t afford to look after pushes them into poverty!”
Naive people believe restricting access to abortion will stop women from having them. Even better, make it illegal! More gifts! Smarter people understand women will always find ways to control their fertility, even if it means risking their lives. The idea of forcing a ‘gift’ onto someone who desperately doesn’t want it is baffling. And cruel.
I’ve always wondered how anti-choice crusaders measure their ‘success’. Is it by an increase in the number of children who are abused or neglected? Perhaps it’s by the number of women who abandon their education or employment? The percentage of mothers forced onto welfare? Or maybe ‘success’ comes in the form of more families pushed below the poverty line. Is that what a gift looks like?
Nobody wants the abortion rate to be high. Not pro-lifers. Not pro-choicers. On that much, we agree. I personally believe in the ‘Safe, affordable & rare’ philosophy. But when it comes to reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies, consensus evaporates. Poof. Gone.
The idea that prevention is better than cure is a no-brainer and particularly relevant to reproductive health in Australia where our rate of abortion (19.7 per 1000 women) and teen pregnancy (17.3 per 1000 women) is high compared with other Western countries. One strategy to lower those numbers was making emergency contraception (the morning-after pill or ECP) available over the counter without a prescription. Has it worked? Kind of.
A recently published Australian study of over 600 women aged 16 to 35 found that just under half (48%) knew they could get it over the counter and up to 60% of women didn’t understand how it worked.
What if we went one step further? What if all contraception was free? Fact: free contraception would dramatically lower the number of unwanted pregnancies and abortions in Australia.
The Contraceptive Choice Project, conducted by researchers at Washington University proved this beyond doubt. In 2007, they enrolled 9,256 women aged14 to 45 and gave them access to free contraception for two years. The results were dramatic. The annual birth rate among teen girls dropped by more than 80 percent and the abortion rate among women of all ages dropped by around 70 percent.
How bizarre then that the groups and people most vehemently opposed to abortion are the same ones who don’t want to make contraception (or sex education) more widely available. “It seems illogical,” explains Australian ethicist Leslie Cannold, “but it makes perfect sense if your real problem is the idea of women having sex outside of marriage for reasons other than childbearing.” Ka-ching. Now I understand the connection. Hello Catholic Church. “While the majority of religious people in Australia are pro-choice,” add Cannold, “nearly all anti-choicers are religious.”
So here’s a thought, why aren’t we considering the idea of free contraception as a way to reduce abortions? Because that would be a true gift to women, to men and to society.
And then there’s this. In a debate this week Republican candidate Richard Mourdock said that “even when life begins with that horrible situation of rape, that is something God intended to happen.” Sigh.







Comments
459 Comments so far
Mia loved that paragraph talking about how pro-lifers measure their successes. So true, the flow on effect from an unwanted pregnancy surely is not a gift.
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My gift forced me over the poverty line, forced me to abandon the job I loved and my husband left because it was all too hard. I’m single, poor (in a first world sense) and sometimes lonely and frightened.
But my gift has taught me so much about myself, bought out strengths I never knew I had and added more to my life than I’d have thought possible.
I am a stronger and better person for accepting my unwanted and unplanned gift. I also like to believe that my little corner of the universe is a better place because of it.
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When it comes to unwanted pregnancies we need to give choice and explain both sides well. Some mothers might abort and regret it so I think some balanced options could be presented. It depends on how they view life and their values and I hope we offer enough support to single mothers that this is an option also if that is what they want.
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Mia, in a country like Australia, every baby is a gift.
If it’s a gift you don’t want then regift it to someone else who will treasure it.
Sacrifice has become a dirty word. Women are much stronger than the new breed of self absorbed feminists would have us believe.
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Using the gift analogy: its a gift you can choose what you do with:ie stop the gift getting any bigger.
Not sure what to make of the last line.
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@Anonymous- what about babies who are conceived through rape? They cannot always be considered a gift by the incredibly traumatised mother, and she should always have the option to not go through carrying that baby, rather than carrying it to term and giving it away. Adoption is just as traumatic to many mothers as the idea of abortion, and if it wasn’t even the woman’s choice to become pregnant in the first place, she should have every choice in the world as far as what to do about it.
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‘Regifting’ it means undergoing 9 months of psychological and physical hardship.
I’m happy being selfish in sending back that ‘gift’ before it’s big enough to have to wrap.
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‘Hello Catholic Church.’ Really?
Does the Jewish faith applaud abortion? Islam, Anglican? Name one other faith that doesn’t condemn abortion.
Those of us who are following the US election can see that the ALP are following their every strategy. Romney is also a misogynist, apparently. And now Abbott will be tarred with the same brush as the lunatic fringe of the US.
Instead of using your subliminal Emily’s List instruction manual, how about you speak from the faith that you do know about. Your transparent prejudices and bias are becoming very aggravating.
I’m not even a Catholic and I can see it.
Abortion should be legal, safe, rare and used with a woman’s full knowledge that there are other options. I know that because when faced with an unwanted, later in life pregnancy I seriously contemplated it. Under extreme pressure from my husband and his family to abort, I was old enough to stand my ground. I’ve been a sole parent to this child for 14 years and he is a blessing in every way.
The abortion issue is just too complex. It has to be available and that’s that. No one is going to change the laws here so I pray Australian women are smart enough to see through the next phase of the Abbott Vilification Policy of the ALP.
We are not yet a Communist or third world country. Pay for your own contraception. There are people with cancer who can’t afford their drugs. They should come first.
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The Catholic Church are against both abortion and contraception. That makes them different to other religions.
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Church are against both abortion and contraception.
Not all contraception. I used the Catholic approved Billings method of contraception for untold years and it worked fine for me. I had two children when I chose to conceive and have them. The problem is most women can’t be bothered to learn their own bodies and work out their fertility cycles.
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Not all woman have perfect cycles thank you. Take my cycle I can have up to two periods in a month, sometimes I miss a month here or there. Sometimes it goes for 5 days and sometimes 16 days. Sometimes I ovulate and sometimes I don’t. Yes every fertility check has been done to me and it’s perfectly normal for some woman. It took me 18 months to get pregnant because we could not count my cycle and as my specialist said ” no two woman are the same, not all woman have the perfect 28 day cycle” so please get your facts right and don’t judge others just because you have a perfect countable cycle where you have the luxury of getting to know your body. We use contraception because I don’t want to get pregantn again and it’s proven impossible by the medical profession for me to understand it.
Your post has greatly offended me anon ” woman can’t be bothered ” are you a specialist in this field and know this for a fact???
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I am damned sure someone will correct me here, but I believe that the Jewish faith considers it is only right to have the number of children one can care for properly. i am not Jewish so I hope someone will correct me if I am wrong.
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Imagine your children knowing their mum had a baby in her tummy. They were going to have a little brother or sister. But actually no, sorry darlings, mummy has decided she doesn’t want this little baby so she’s going to kill it. The selfishness and lack of conscience is appalling. If the baby was wanted then the second they find out they are pregnant ‘oh my gosh, i have a little baby growing inside me, i have to take care of myself and eat right and make sure i nurture it so it can grow and be healthy’, but if it’s unwanted, the second they find out ‘it’s not a living thing, it’s not a baby, get rid of it’. Again, the selfishness and picking and choosing of when you want to have a conscious is just ridiculous. If only you knew the emotional effects abortion has on women, for life, you wouldn’t be so strongly advocating it, especially in the social section of the Sunday paper. Very inappropriate for a light hearted Sunday morning read. Comparing a baby to a scented candle is outrageous. Think before you say ridiculous things, as a mother, shame on you.
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Hi Guest,
Who said my sunday column had to be light hearted?
I agree totally that the idea of comparing a scented candle to a baby is outrageous. Which is why I would never have thought if it myself. Tell that to the anti-choice crusaders who insist on calling all pregnancies a “gift”. Even those that come from rape…
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Pregnancy from rape is rare, most abortions are not because of rape, but just unplanned pregnancies. The trouble is: when faced with one the immediate reaction is – have an abortion. However, women who have gone through with the pregnancy would probably 99% of the time feel glad that they did. It is just easier at the time to take the pain (and baby) away – but in the long run, there is a lot of post-abortion trauma and regret. This is reality (not just a pro-life opinion, a fact)
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I would argue that the regret associated with abortion is the concern of the woman involved. It should at no point enter the discussion about choice. We live with the consequences of our decisions all the time. As long as its informed, it is our choice and our outcome to deal with.
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There is not a lot of post abortion trauma and regretthat I’ve seen and I am a women with many female friends, in my case abortion was a huge relief. Everone is different, but in many friends cases there was no trauma at all that they spoke of and trust me we talk about everything.
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Noone would tell their child they were pregnant if they didn’t plan to keep it.
If you find out you are pregnant with a wanted pregnancy you eat right and take care of yourself so those cells can grow into a baby. Otherwise you remove them – just because it’s wanted doesn’t mean it’s a baby right away either, it will grow into one.
I know multiple women who have had abortions – sure it sucks but the alternative would have sucked a whole lot more.
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as a single mother who is in every internet forum the recipient of scathing criticism; as a single mother who struggles every week to feed, clothe and house one child; as a working-age mother who spends every day scouring for a job that will support her family; as the abandoned partner of a late-life substance-dependant non-supportive father; and as someone who had to make the choice to abort, I strongly advocate a woman’s right to choose what is best for her body and the people who depend upon her.
Furthermore, I find your argument that a parent would tell her children she was aborting absurd.
The ONLY way for women to get through the “emotional effect” you describe is for other people to mind their own damned business
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Much agree. 100 thumbs up.
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Imagine being forced to have a baby you don’t want when you are 16. Imagine having 2 more by the time you are 20. Then imagine being dumped by the father when he gets another woman pregnant and moves in with her. You are all alone. Still a baby yourself struggling to look after 3 kids under 4 all by your self. You have no support, no real friends to help out and the father doesn’t want the kids. After years of struggling to make ends meet you meet a nice guy. You have a few dates and after you feel you can trust him you sleep together. The condom breaks, you end up pregnant. As soon as he finds out you are pregnant he takes off leaving you with a choice of what to do with the baby. You are struggling and suffering already from depression, you just can’t bare to bring another child into this world, you don’t have the strength to do it. You agonise for days over what to do, finally deciding to get an abortion.
Everything is not black and white. There are valid reasons besides rape that women may need to have an abortion. Think before you say that women who have abortions don’t have a conscience about it and that it is selfish. To me brining an unwanted baby into this world when it will not be loved and nurtured as it should be is selfish. Most time it is a heart wrenching decision for them and yes some will regret it, others will not.
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“If only you knew the emotional effects abortion has on women,”
Your incendiary fulminations about “selfishness and lack of conscience” and that it is is “appalling [to you]” contradicts your faux concerns for the “emotional effects” of abortion on women.
Yes, Guest, if only *you* knew.
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“If only you knew the emotional effects abortion has on women,”
If only *you* knew, Guest. Your incendiary fulminations about ” selfishness and lack of conscience” contradicts your faux concerns for these “appalling” women who have abortions.
This confected pro-woman rhetoric is just another lame, transparent tactic from a rebranded anti-choice movement but still laden with haughty, smug judgement about women who dare to have sex and not give birth.
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“If only you knew the emotional effects abortion has on women.”
Yes, if only *you* knew, Guest. Your incendiary fulminations about “selfishness and lack of conscience” about the women who you call “appalling” contradicts your (faux) concerns about emotional effects of abortion.
This confected pro-woman tactic is a painfully transparent rebranding of the traditional old judgemental rhetoric of the anti-choicers who, in reality, take umbrage that women dare to have sex and dodge pregnancy.
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I got pregnant when I was raped. I was 19, starting uni and very frightened. A friend helped me so I could afford an abortion. THAT was the gift, not the pregnancy. My parents never knew my shame and fear.
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Your comment made me cry. I’ve been raped. And I’ve had terminations, (not related to the rape). Why is it that we feel shame about it?
Both times I couldn’t bring myself to tell my parents, even though I knew objectively that I hadn’t really done anything wrong. I know they would have supported my choices about terminating, and I know they would have comforted me after the rape. And yet, I was too ashamed. That is the real power of sexual abuse, and restricting women’s right to make their own choices. In my opinion, that’s not a power we should respect.
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I am interested Mia, at what week of gestation does it become inappropriate to terminate in your eyes? Or is any time up to full term for any reason ok. 38 weeks with a healthy baby?
If you believe there is a point at which it becomes innapropriate (and I hope you would), then the issue is not as black and white as you make it out, everyone will have different views on where that line is drawn, and dialog and discussion is required without making out that anyone who raises the issue is an anti female devils child.
I would be interested to know where (or if) you draw that line Mia?
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I believe you make a valid point, which is a discussion that needs to be brought to the fore – when does a baby become a baby? I believe in a woman’s right to control their own fertility, but at what point does a feotus become a baby?
I believe abortion should be available, safe and rare. And in some circumstances late term abortions are necessary, and terribly tragic.So I suppose that line in the sand is always going to be very hazy. Because it really needs to be considered on a case by case basis. Which means the individual circumstances, and indeed the individual woman, (and partner), themselves should dictate the decision over whether an abortion is the right course of action. Which in turn means that the only person qualified to make a decision as to whether an abortion is required is the individual themselves, (again, with the support of a partner where appropriate) .
Mia wasn’t saying it is a black and white issue. The black and white issue is the availability of abortions, not the decision to abort in a given situation. It is never and easy decision. It just isn’t our decision on behalf of someone else.
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