To my abusive father: I forgive you but I may never forget.

I haven’t seen you since I drove to your house to yell profanities at you, but what resonated the most with me was the last thing I ever said – “it is easy to have children, the hard part is raising them“. I stand by that statement. I was 17 years old and you were drunk and didn’t even recognise me. That was almost 10 years ago.

I have heard about the things you have “accomplished” that there appears to be another child that shares your DNA. Congratulations, I hope that you appreciate this child more than your previous two.

You always told me that I was too young to understand, or this was a conversation for adults – but this is now and I’m not a child anymore. I remember that you were an abusive alcoholic and that you possibly suffer from bipolar.

You have had a carefree life of luxury, while my mother raised us struggling. You have lived it up in your BMW, your flashy clothes and expensive electronics while we were buying our clothes from Vinnies and living with my grandparents. But I quickly learnt that just because you have money, it doesn’t mean you are happy. I am grateful you didn’t help us, I don’t owe you anything and it has made me appreciate what we had – each other.

I remember your manipulative violent behaviour and I vividly recall you asking me to get you and mum back together – why would I do that? For the first time my mum was happy, appreciated and respected. I never wanted her to go back to a situation where she wasn’t and I am thankful everyday for my true father, a man who I share no DNA with.

The day we left, escaped – whatever you want to call it, I felt free for the first time. When the divorce was finally granted it was the best day in my life. I don’t know many people that say their parents getting divorced was the best thing that happened to them, but for me, it truly was.

I look exactly like you, but I am nothing like you and that is probably why we never saw eye to eye. I am too much like my mother for your liking. But you are the one that has missed out. You didn’t walk me down the aisle, you didn’t see me grow into an adult, a mother, an Aunty. That is on you, actions have consequences and you have to live with them.

My children don’t need a Pa, they already have a Poppy and a Nonno and they have showed them know how they deserve to be treated. I have found a man who knows how to treat a woman and shows his children what they need to look for in a man.

I’m not writing this because I want a relationship with you, I don’t. This letter is for me, I know that my past may not be sunshine and rainbows, but I will never blame my past for what my future holds. I am thankful that you gave me life, that you exited my life so I could thrive without you and you showed me how not to be treated by a man. So thank you.

I forgive you for what you have done to my family but I may never forget, because forgetting my past would change me and I am happy with who I am. I am confident, clever and charismatic and I have achieved so much in my life without your guidance – but from my parents and they deserve praise.

I wish you the best and hope that you are actively seeking professional help to improve yourself.

Your youngest daughter.