friendship

'I just found out my best friend is an anti-vaxxer and I don't know it will impact our friendship.'

I first met Amy when we were both 16.

Looking back, it was a set of particularly cliched circumstances that brought us together. She had moved cities for her mum’s work, started a new school and didn’t know anyone.

I was charged, on that first morning of meeting her, with showing her around the school. For, as my teachers liked to call it, “keeping an eye out” for her.

So I did. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now we are 24 and have been friends for nearly eight years.

Since then, Amy has been the closest thing to a sister I could ever find. I talk to her everyday, I see her every other day and every weekend is put aside for us to do something together.

I message her as soon as something goes wrong, goes right or if my day is lagging so much I need a little pick-me-up.

And until recently, our relationship has had all the ingredients it has ever needed to work.

Leaving school, I pursued my love of writing and my desire to be a journalist while Amy chased her love of science and began to work her way to becoming a Naturopath.

Despite our difference belief systems regarding healthcare, I have always had the deepest respect for Amy and her her pursuit of natural remedies to help treat everyday illnesses. She is passionate about healthy living and the maintenance of our wellbeing and totally realistic about how both doctors and naturopaths both have a place in our world and can co-exist harmoniously.

However, recently, something has been a little bit off kilter.

ADVERTISEMENT

Watch: Rebecca Sparrow and Robin Bailey on friendship. Post continues after video.

We have begun to talk about our futures and what the next ten years will look like. The kinds of careers we want to have, the kinds of people we want to marry, the kinds of children we want to raise. Everything has been laid out on the table: Every value we hold dear and every desire we hold tight.

Which is where a problem has arisen rather spectacularly: Amy, it appears, isn’t so much a fan of vaccination.

At 24, this isn’t really a problem per se. Of course, I’d prefer us to be on the same page about it, but it doesn’t impact the day-to-day running of our relationship. If we ignore it, then everything runs smoothly. And for now, that’s fine.

"We have begun to talk about our futures and what the next ten years will look like." Image via iStock.
ADVERTISEMENT

But this one overriding niggle that is enveloping my brain is this: How long can we ignore it for? Is it possible to ignore it forever?

What happens when we both decide to have children? What happens if putting my children in her care may also put them in harms way. What if our relationship is only based on the more shallow of things, and it will not stand this test in the next few years?

It's both worrying, but also objectively interesting, being able to spot a problem in a relationship that may rear its head in years to come. I'm stuck in this awkward predicament of wanting, so desperately, to be her friend but of also being so unsure about what the future will hold for us.

Ultimately, I want to know this: Is it worth putting one the best relationships I've ever had on the line for something I'm not even sure will affect us in the future?

Does loyalty and kindness and generosity outweigh all else?