There are very specific foods you should be eating before you have sex.

Dear 80s movies,

2017 sees your tray of oysters and raises it red ginseng candies.

Yep, aphrodisiacs have gone full foodie hipster and if you want to get it on tonight you’d better be prepared to start trawling the aisles of your local health food store for some really weird stuff.

Although the 2000 respondents to a recent Yelp survey said they usually grab a takeaway or eat some snacks with their one night stand, they might have been better off being a bit more strategic in their food choices, because what you eat can actually impact on your sexual experience.

It’s time to put down the soggy kebab and pick up the, erm, banana, people.

Here’s a comprehensive list of everything you (apparently) need to get in the mood in 2017:

Red ginseng candies

Studies have shown this nifty little herbal remedy is improves libido, testosterone levels, and sperm health.

Maca cookie dough

Although it looks like dried sheep testicles (how do I know that) Peruvian maca root is all about boosting sexual desire - kind of like Channing Tatum.

You can make your own edible cookie dough at home by following this recipe or you can buy it in spread form and just spread it on, um, things (like Channing Tatum).

You just have to get over the whole dried sheep testicle thing.

Hot peppers

Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

It turns out hot peppers are great for your sex life, even if they're not so great for your burning ring of fire the next morning.

The capsaicin in chili peppers releases endorphins in your brain, giving you a rush of excitement in the bedroom. Just make sure you wash your hands, people.

Mustard

Your good ole' humble jar of mustard is actually a sex bomb in disguise. Mustard increases blood circulation throughout the body and has long been used as an aphrodisiac in Europe.

Baboon urine

Yep, we're literally talking about monkey piss. In Zimbabwe the locals drink baboon urine with beer to get them in the mood.

Watermelon

They say watermelon is the Viagra of the fruit world (well 'they' don't say that, I say that). Watermelon contains citrulline, which relaxes the blood vessels in much the same way as Viagra does and it's pretty tasty too.

LISTEN: Is Sex On A Plane A Thing? 

Bananas

Stop snickering. These yellow penises phallic shaped fruits contain potassium which in theory should increase muscle strength and deliver more intense orgasms.

Chocolate

Chocolate is a feelgood food that releases endorphins. You should probably eat some right now, even you if don't plan to have sex this century.

On the other hand, if you're planning to make sweet, sweet love you should avoid any foods that trigger intolerances for you, and go easy on the salt. You should also avoid beans and cabbage for obvious reasons. No one wants to feel bloated and, erm, farty in the bedroom.

Got any other aphrodisiac suggestions? Tell us about them in the comments below.