Phoodie Saturday 23 February 2013 7:31am

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Everyone knows there’s no fat in a birthday cake. Right?

by PHOODIE

Lying to yourself can be easy.  For example, I often find myself saying “Oh they won’t care if I don’t show up”  knowing that “they” are old friends who will be VERY offended if I don’t turn up somewhere.

“It’s NOT going to rain!” I’ve been known to say that in a jolly tone, willing away the weather forecast for storms and grey skies as I set up outdoor furniture for a birthday party with 80 guests.

And it’s the same deal with food. And specifically the calories and fat grams associated with it.

On many an occasion I have convinced myself that foods contain ZERO calories and I can stuff as much of them as I like down my gob. That a certain circumstance has rendered fatty, “sometimes” foods void of ANYTHING that’s not good for me. I spoke to a few friends who also found themselves convincing their brains of the same thing. Isn’t that a great feeling when you realise you’re not alone?!

The following are examples of when food contains nil to the power of nil calories and or fat:

BIRTHDAYS

Yours or anyone else’s. If you are celebrating the anniversary of the day that you were brought into the world, or the day that one of your friends (or even an acquaintances) arrived on the planet, then the cake, chips, pizza and the like that you are consuming at said celebratory function is devoid of calories.

KID’S DINNER TIME

A mouthful to test the temperature before you feed your little one, a taste from the pot to see if it is well seasoned, hell, even polishing off the plate because you don’t like to waste. No fat. No calories. None. Nada.

WHEN SOMETHING IS ‘BROKEN’

First biscuit in the pack broken? Calories don’t exist. Last handful of chips in a bag broken? High in WHAT? No, not fat, surely.

IN AN AIRPORT

Mia once wrote about the parallel shopping universe, where money was ‘free.’ She said that money that you get back when you return an item, or when something is 50% off, the other 50% you didn’t have to spend on the item, was ‘free’ money that you can spend how you wish.

She also included an airport scenario. If you spend an at airport shop then it doesn’t count. Well, likewise when you’re gobbling down a large burger and fries meal deal with a coke, clearly that’s calorie free too. You’d never normally eat it, and you’re tired, and you know, waiting for a plane, that’s good enough for me.

Fat free.

IN THE DARK

Date night at the cinema. Watching DVDs on the couch late into the evening. Like the proverbial tree whose branch fell in an empty forest, if no one saw you, did it really happen?!

EASTER / CHANNUKAH / CHRISTMAS  AND ALL OTHER RELIGIOUS HOLIDAYS

We all overeat at these times throughout the year, so safety in numbers kind of cancels your bad eating behavior out, right!? And that makes all religious holiday food completely void of anything bad.

HANGOVER TIME

Oh God, anything, ANYTHING that gets you through is medicinal, SURELY!?

I want to know what you think! Do you and your friends say these sort of things to yourselves? To each other? When else is food devoid of calories?

Phoodie’s culinary obsession began when she was 3. A move to London in 2009 was the catalyst she needed to throw caution to the wind and enrol is the world famous Le Cordon Bleu cookery school. Upon her course completion, she worked with some of the UK and Europe’s top chefs assisting them in the classes they ran. Phoodie is a cookbook, restaurant, and supermarket obsessed blogger and Mum of 2. Phoodie blogs here, is on Facebook here and tweets here.