Co-organiser Carmen D'Cruz with some chocolatey goodies for the staff at one of the British Pregnancy Advisory Service offices.
I’m not much of a cook but sister, do I love to bake. Lemon meringue pie that dissolves in your mouth. Apple and peach crumble that hums from the very first bite. Brownies and biscuits and my mum’s famous chocolate pud. But cake – a delicious, moist, makes-you-want-to-stand-up-and-sing cake — can spin the world on its axis. Of that, I’m convinced.
And so it was with some delight that I stumbled across this piece in The Guardian last week about two British friends who found a rather unique way to respond to a pro-life prayer vigil that was being held outside a clinic. Put it this way, they donned their aprons instead of picking up placards and signs.
According to The Guardian …
“Members of the group 40 Days for Life started a demonstration outside the British Pregnancy Advisory Services, which provides counselling and early abortions, earlier this week. Adopting tactics more commonly used by American anti-abortion protesters, the group stressed it would be a “peaceful vigil”. But the demonstration merely makes life harder for women facing difficult decisions, according to Clare Murphy of BPAS. “We are supportive of freedom of speech, but it is very problematic when a group of people go out of their way to make life harder for women at an already difficult time,” she said.
“It also provoked two friends to act … Instead of holding a rival protest and further upsetting women who went to the clinic, Carmen D’Cruz and Liz Lutgendorff decided to “express our opinion through cake” – and 40 Days of Treats was born. For every day the pro-lifers were praying outside, D’Cruz and Lutgendorff vowed they would cheer up staff inside, and launched their idea on Twitter and Tumblr. “We thought it would be nice to show lots of us appreciate the work they are doing. It’s not combative, or confronting the protesters in a way that no one would want,” Lutgendorff explained.”
You can read the full article here.
This isn’t a post about the right to choose or the the right to life. Instead let’s focus on the unique way these two British gals decided to express their love and support: through cake. And choccies. And biscuits. And fresh fruit. I love that. LOVE. IT.
Sometimes the smallest act of kindness can make a difference. I remember last year, I went round to Kate Hunter’s house in a glum mood and she’d bought me the latest copy of the Australian Women’s Weekly and made me a cup of tea while I read it. A small gesture but a lovely one.
What small act of kindness have you received or given? What’s the most creative way you’ve shown your support for someone or some group?
Comments
86 Comments so far
i was at my local fruit shop with both my daughters (5 and 3). They are not naughty children – far from it- but we (I?) were just having one of those days. I was so exasperated with my youngest I just snapped at her to move out of the way to let the owner of the shop come out to restock shelves. She looked at me, looked at my girls and gave me 2 bananas for them to eat to occupy them while I did the rest of my shopping. Her subtle act of kindness and understanding nearly had me sobbing on the fruit shop floor out of appreciation.
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Reading these comments and I’ll just say this: sometimes people are very, very nice.
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Last year my hubby was very ill in hospital fOr a couple of weeks, my mum was also ill and lit’s was happening. Our wonderful friends did everything. In addition to meals one friend arranged her cleaning lady to do my place for a month (at her expense) another did my ironing, some of the men mowed my lawn and then went to mums. About 5 friends came over picked up my kids and went to the park and another took care of email updates and text msgs
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When my daughter passed away (SIDS) my best friend came and set up an urn, brought extra mugs, tea/coffee, milk so that the stream of guests could make Thier own cuppas. Then she brought over party pies/sausage rolls and heated them, so there was food. And sandwiches, and she did this for days, until the guests stopped coming in streams
Our school has a program like the one mentioned. I have used it a couple of times, through my separation, uni exams. The school is a wonderful place
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I remember the kindness of strangers on a public train… as we all know the usual rules for travelling on public transport is to avoid eye contact and conversation
During my peak hour run home a young woman was on the phone, obviously distraught. She had a two year old in a pram next to her. At the end of the phone conversation she buried her face in her hands and sobbed. As her child began to act out and need attention another traveller on the train moved next to the child and kept it entertained. Another passenger asked the now sobbing lady where she needed to get off – when the station arrived three perfect stranger assisted the woman off the train, pram and all and one offered her a ride home. Thoughtfulness of strangers!
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My decision about a termination was influenced by an ex who insisted that if our baby was born he would never let me leave him. He suffered terribly with schizophrenia, including as I found out later awful hallucinations that his long dead mother had condemned him to hell. The police weren’t able to stop him pursuing me and threatening my family too. In the spirit of sparing a moment for a kind gesture, those of you who think first of the unborn, please also think of what might be going on for women who choose a termination – there is a reason why we aren’t taking a different path and it often has to do with problems that one woman on her own has no hope of solving.
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a mother should only think first of the unborn child.they are the most vulnerable regardless of situations and your flesh and blood.they deserve the right to live and that is the kindest gesture anyone will make.
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Wow, you’re really going to post that after the first anon posted such a harrowing story? That’s….cold.
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Hi anon 2. I’m going to show you the same consideration and compassion you showed anon 1. You’re a nutbag.
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“How are you REALLY doing?” Grr I just said I was fine!! Leave me alone!!
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A girlfriend of mine was in the city last year when a relatively well-groomed woman stopped her and asked for $5 to feed her children. Unsure of what to do, my friend suggested they go to a nearby supermarket together and she’d pay for whatever the lady wanted.
After the lady grabbed some bread and milk she said she was done, but my friend asked whether the kids would like anything else – some cordial or biscuits or dinner or whatever – and the lady’s eyes lit up with wonder. Like ‘Really? Do you mean it? I can choose something else?’ Between the two of them they filled a small basket that cost about $40. The woman told my friend she’d been ill and unable to work and that nobody had ever been that kind to her.
So humbling for both of them.
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That gave me tears…
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One I have done recently: A friend of mine got the call from NZ that her Mum was in hospital and not going to come out… in fact, they didn’t think she would make it to the next day. I got the call at 6:00 on a Sunday morning that she needed a lift to the airport. I went straight over, they ended up not being able to get a flight until the following day, but, going with the “food helps everything” I ducked to the shop & bought bacon & eggs for breakfast, and food for lunch. I then took her to the airport at 7:00 the next morning for her flight. Her mother ended up passing away the following week, she managed to spend a couple of days with her before she passed which was wonderful.
Done for me recently: My mother dropped everything today so she could come and look after my 2 year old who was throwing up. I couldn’t have the day off as I am only temping, and my husband is currently away for work. She is an awesome Mum.
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Mum’s are so awesome!
My mum does stuff for my family and I without even me having to ask for help! Maybe it’s because I don’t ask – we made the decision that it was our choice to have kids and so tend not to ask for babysitting if there’s an alternative, but they will ask us when we want to go out, even though they see the kids heaps!
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My husband’s grnadmother’s sister (his great-aunty) is 89 and was recently transferred to hospital in our city because they did not have the facilities in her small town to care for her. In between working from home, looking after my two small children, my sick mother with cancer and our new puppy, I have visited her every day, masaging her hands, feeding her soup, combing her hair and just being a familiar face in a strange place. I don’t really know this woman very well, but my heart went out to her, and I also knew how worried my husband’s grandmother has been.
Well, she was sent back to her small town today, for palliative care in the nursing home, and I feel incredibly sad, but my MIL called me and said that when she was told that she was going home, all she wanted to know is if I was going too. So, for me, my little act of kindness has been so rewarding for me, because I really feel like helped this lovely old lady to find a bit of comfort during a difficult time. Now, I am just bracing myself for the inevitable news that she has passed away – and I am having a lot of trouble dealing with that. It’s funny, what started as something for her has had an immense impact on me.
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This really touched me. I think you’re amazing xx
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Baking/cooking is such a universal way of offering support I think. It’s so lovely and comforting to know that, around the world, someone kind will be there with a pot of soup, a cake or even just a cuppa or a cool drink if they think you need support.
I remember when my gorgeous Nana died a few years ago, the rest of the family gathered at her house for the few days until her funeral. Her next door neighbour was so so sad to have lost her friend of 50 years. She kept baking sponge cakes and bringing them in to us at Nana’s house. So sweet. She kept baking and baking and sobbing and sobbing and after 2 days we had so many sponge cakes we didn’t know what to do with them, it was a little bit out of control! But bless lovely Flo from next door.
The nurses from the hospital where Nana had been enjoyed many a sponge cake for a few days.
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I was suffering a horrible bout of PND after my youngest baby was born. At the time I also had a 1 and 2yo. My (then) husband was away on a business trip and I was in a bad, bad place. At about 5.30 one afternoon, trying to breastfeed the baby while the toddlers were screaming I was in tears, shaking, yelling at the kids, wanting the floor to swallow me up, when suddenly I saw my best friend drive up my driveway. She let herself in, put the casserole she was carrying on the table, walked into the bathroom with the toddlers and bathed them while I fed the baby. She dressed the kids, helped me feed them, then did the dishes while I had a shower.
The fact that, at the time, she’d just had her third round (unsuccessful) of IVF and was going through her own personal hell made what she did for me unbelievably selfless. There were many, many other days where she came out for coffee when I was having a bad day, or took me shopping to get me out of the house, but this day in particular sticks in my mind because I honestly do not know what would’ve happened if she had not come around. It is the nicest, kindest, most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me and I will never, ever forget it.
On a happier note, she now has a beautiful girl and a gorgeous baby boy of her own. Bless you Elle. Thank you x
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wow that just made me teary…great friend indeed!
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Oh Benita, I just teared up reading your story. I can so relate to that horrible feeling – trying to breastfeed while the toddler is going crazy on the floor. I have two boys 15 months apart and your story reminded me of the early days all over again. God I love your friend and I don’t even know her. Love xx
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Emmeline, I love her too! And what also struck me about that horrible day, which I forgot to mention, is that she.just.knew there was something not right. I actually hadn’t spoken to her for a couple of days, and for her to come out that afternoon – with dinner – when I was thisclose to…I don’t know what….is just a testament to the angel she is. She is a special girl and I love her to bits. x
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That’s lovely. Everyone should have a friend like that x
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Beautiful.
I got chills down my spine. You two are lucky to have each other.
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A neighbour had triplets a couple of years ago (and she already had a 2 year old at home).
A few times, when I was shopping for nappies for youngest, if they were on sale, I would buy one in my daughter’s size and another in newborn size and leave in on their doorstep. I also made a few batches of soup and left them on the doorstep from time to time as well.
And just this afternoon, I got back from delivery some basic groceries, a casserole and a cake to my parents house. They arrive home tomorrow from an overseas trip which was a sad one for them. I had to listen to my kids whinge on the 3 hour round-trip but I know my dad will love a piece of my orange cake with a cuppa when the get home tomorrow.
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Oh no! Now I want orange cake! Curse you, Cordeline!
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This is a genius idea. As they have said, engagement doesn’t work with that sort of crowd and a counter protest is futile so make the lives of the professionals who are supplying such a valuable service to womenkind happy with cake and chocolates!
My sister runs a sexual health clinic in London, she’ll be wishing the protesters to target them if it means Jaffa cakes.
A small act of kindness that I supplied to friends was to do their laundry while their toddler was being treated for a brain tumour. We had wanted to send gourmet meals to them in the hostel where they were staying but soon realised what they really needed was clean socks and undies.
I’m very happy to say that he’s a strapping boy of 17 now and just entering year 12.
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I’m in Year 12, and food is the best way to brighten up our year level!
We started a system in my English class: whenever we have to do an essay for marks in class, someone brings in some goodies to share afterwards!
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Now Laura – THAT’S what you call a great year 12 class! Cake for everyone!
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I’m in year 12 as well – the people in my history class each bring in some treats every Wednesday morning and share them quietly while we work. Things like that make the fact that you’re almost finished so sad. Good luck for your exams!
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One of my friends is driving for almost 40 minutes tomorrow to look after my bub while I have a sleep. That is friendship!
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Although the gesture is nice it seems the intentions of the prayer group are misunderstood. Their public and peaceful prayers are intended to bring to attention the rights of those who do not have a voice in this situation – the unborn children. I do not wish to criticize anyone here; I just wish to bring to light that often this debate gets wrapped up in the rights of women while forgetting that the children who are still developing in the womb do not have a choice in this matter.
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I completely agree !! The unborn children need a voice !
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Good on you Sharon for showing your support for the rights of the unborn.i will never understand how a women can kill her own child who only wants to live and has the RIGHT to life.This website bangs on about our rights and freedom of choice which is all well and good given that we are out of the womb but what about the right of the unborn child?
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As stated above, this post ISN’T about abortion, but about random acts of kindness.
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do you have a problem with abortion though?can I assume ClaireC that you are a mother of children?I would think that all women mothers or not would want to defend the lives of the unborn,or do you think that that too is a random act of kindness?
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Hi Guys
I’m just stepping in to say let’s not have a debate on this post about abortion. Because it will turn a lovely post about acts of kindness into something very stressful and heated. We have thousands of readers who sit on EACH side of the debate and I respect that. Thanks
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My church has a meals roster anytime there is a new baby or a death in the family or sickness is about, we just grab a bunch of people and each pick a night snd a meal that we can do and drop it off to whoever needs it. We also at christmas time have made up hampers of food, nappies and school stuff and dropped it off (anon) to people who are in need. A lot of us have way more than what we need so to be able to share with others is a really important thing and just so easy to do!
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LOVE THAT!
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all I can think of is the poor unborn babies and how the nicest thing any of these mothers could do would be to let them live,they are human too and the most vulnerable as well.
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A friend posted this on facebook recently – don’t know where he came across is (in real life or on the internet) but I think writing and putting up this sign is a lovely day-brightening act of kindness!
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I absolutely love that sign. It made me take a deep breath and smile.
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I grew up always thinking a couple of things – that people think like I do (naive, I know) and that I treat people how I like to be treated.
Just little things I guess like I once paid a motorist behind me’s toll on the way through, one of the girls at Daycare lost her partner whilst pregnant so I bought a box of nappies for her, and made a few meals for friends with partners in hospital or when they’ve lost someone.
Had another gf who lost her husband very unexpectedly and I was super worried how she was handling so got her to a counsellor and arranged some ongoing support for her.
Other stuff like helping other mums with prams etc, and chatting to a new mum at the checkout who seems grateful of an adult conversation, and I must say – I loved the ‘you’re doing a great job’ post some time back to a mum with an antsy toddler – is a really lovely tip to say to someone.
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Wow everyone has made me think about how much more that I could do for people. The latest gesture I made was on the weekend. My sister and her boyfriend were flying back from Japan on Sunday afternoon which also happened to be my Sisters Birthday. Both of them had to be at work on Monday morning and my sister commutes 1.5 hours to work. So I went and purchased a heap of groceries and stocked their fridge and pantry up so they didn’t have to worry about lunches and dinner for the first few nights.
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Coming from a large traditional family, I completely understand the concept of “Food fixes everything”. It’s what I was taught to do in times of grief, sadness, trying times, etc.
It’s now an automatic response – if someone is sick, if someone had a bad day at work, if someone had a baby, if someone had a car accident, I make a meal and take it to them. Usually it’s something sweet, like cake or biscuits.
So I understand what these women were trying to do. Being presented with food, something that someone has made an effort to make, goes a long way to helping you feel better, to helping you feel loved.
http://thefridgedoorblog.com
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I like to put money in expired parking meters, this is especially satisfying if you get to them just before the parking cop does!
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My bestest friend in the world went into labour ten weeks early with her twin boys. Of course they were in hospital for about 6 weeks and she for over a week due to emergency c-section. Her and her hubby were in the midst of moving house. On the weekend before she came home, her hubby and I worked like buggery to unpack and set up their new home so she would not have that stress as well as having to take care of her then 3 year old and express milk and visit tiny babies in hospital.
When the twins finally came home, her husband had to leave for an overseas business trip, so I took a week off work and stayed with her to help with the three-hourly feeds and settling the new babies in. I have never been so exhausted! But I love her to bits and she was bridesmaid at my wedding two months ago (I was at hers 15 years ago). Love you Natty!
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That is so sweet! You sound like an amazing friend
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What a wonderful friend you are. She is very lucky to have someone so selfless and caring in her life.
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We’re more like sisters, she would do the same for me! I have her 5 month old puppy for the two weeks of school holidays (she’s off camping in the bush with the hubby and 3 boys). She had my dog when we went on our cruise to NZ. What goes around comes around…
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In my first year of teaching I swam at the school carnival. In the relay. On the team of the special needs kids. And was more a liability than an asset. I was the last person to swim (literally, because all the other teams had finished far quicker than ours) so the entire school watched me make it up the pool. In swimmers that had seen better days. And my far from athletically toned body.
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My ex and I had broken up when 2 days later his Dad suffered a major health problem. Even though we were technically broken up, it didn’t mean I stopped loving them all and I wanted to help, without intruding too much.
I visited his Dad most days at lunchtime (he was right near my work and was lonely during the day, but had lots of visitors at night), and cooked enough meals for them for every night for 8 weeks. It wan’t much, but his Mum has told me recently that they are really grateful and it was extremely helpful to them. I guess it’s the little things that people appreciate sometimes.
Beautiful article, just what I needed today.
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Me and my daughter have been sick for the last 2 weeks and as any mother knows being quarantined with a 2yr old for 2 weeks is not fun. My beautiful friend Mandy on her way to her first day back at work after having child number 2, managed to find a few spare minutes in her hectic morning, to drop off some veggie soup for me. It made my week. So simple but very effective. Bless her.
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RAK recieved:
I was going through IVF, very ill with hyperstim, husband was away, no supports around as friends were really taking a huge backstep whilst I dealt with this.
Then one morning there was a knock on my door and my husband’s good mate was at the door with a hot Chai Latte. He put it in my hands, said “I’ve gotta run” and took off. It was stunned and very thankful. Nothing more could have made my day as that little act…the chai to settle my stomach, the thought so I didn’t feel so alone in the world. He and his wife continued to do subtle little effforts the whole way for us, and I will never forget it.
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I am pro life, but it was a nice gesture. It isn’t the staff’s choice for those clients to have terminations.
Many terminations could be avoided by better education. I’d have community advertisements about this after 10pm instead of stupid cell phone app adds.
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What exactly do you mean by “many terminations could be avoided by better education”??
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I think she probably means that if people were better educated about contraception there may be fewer unplanned preganancies and therefore terminations.
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My kids’ school has had more than its share of illness and death this year. There’s a roster of casserole-making and pick-up and drop-off help, but I was especially touched to find out the classroom teacher had been packing lunches all year for a 5yo girl whose mum had been terribly ill and passed away a few months ago. It was her way of quietly helping and it made a huge difference to the family.
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That’s just brilliant. And brought tears to my eyes.
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Oh Kate. That’s gorgeous. The smallest acts of kindness often stay with people for years. That little girl will remember that teacher forever.
PS Your school community sounds very special.
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Yes, we’ve had a year like that at our school too. We currently have a food roster for a mother who is undergoing intensive breast cancer treatment. It’s a way of helping without intruding and good for people who don’t know them really well but want to do something. The food is dropped off a a local business and taken to her house by her mother so she doesn’t have to deal with visitors if she doesn’t feel up to it.
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The roster is a top idea – a co-ordinated plan means there’s not a glut of lasagne and then nothing for a week. Also, as you say, it means the recipient doesn’t have to deal with a random stream of drop-ins. It needs a star of a person to organise it. Happily we’ve got one of those
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Yep, the roster has worked brilliantly. The school put notes explaining the situation in all the kids’ bags and there was a box they could tick if parents wanted to help. Then a few of us did up the roster. We also left disposable containers at the school for people to use so our friend didn’t have to worry about getting people’s dishes back to them. We also gave some meal suggestions. People have also made cakes and biscuits to go in their childrens’ lunchboxes as well as some desserts. People have been very generous and creative with their cooking.
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that made me cry (in a good way. sort of)
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Do these girls have some sort of website that we can go to? Baking can get expensive, so I would like to know if we can donate money to assist in their kind acts.
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Google 40 Days of Treats … I think they’re on twitter. I’ll have a look too ….
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Found their Tumblr blog here http://40daysoftreats.tumblr.com/ with other contact details. Looks like they have funding sorted though, which is great news!
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I came home from hospital after having my first child to find my best friend and her husband had cleaned our house from top to bottom, and filled our fridge and freezer with food! Love!
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oh my, that is fantastic. What a brilliant gift.
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That is such a creative act of kindness. I love reading this kind of thing, it lifts the spirits.
I don’t have any dramatic or creative stories, but yesterday I gave my daughter an exact match of her lost favourite toy elephant ‘Tootah’. It was only a bit of searching, an email and a phonecall to get it. We put it in a box and said it had come to find her from the zoo. Such happiness on her little sleeping face lastnight as she snuggled up with her beloved Tootah once more.
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I paid for a man’s groceries last month. He didn’t have enough money in his account at the check out and got stressed and left them there to go to a bank – so I paid for them (anonymously) as a surprise for when he got back.
And last year when my family and I were dealing with a tragedy, so many people (including some I barely knew) dropped home cooked meals on my doorstop. It was amazing.
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Oh Bec that is the nicest thing I have heard in so long. How kind of you!
When my father died – 6 years ago now, people just showed up with food and home cooked meals, it was so thoughtful and kind.
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I should point out that he only had about $40 worth of groceries. So it wasn’t a fortune. But I have been at the check out before and found we had no money in the account (!!!) it’s AWFUL. That’s why I did it.
And yeah, last year I felt like all the kind deeds I had ever done in my entire life came back to me ten-fold. Our house was flooded with cards and flowers and meals and just love. For a tragic time in our lives I remember turning to Brad and saying, “How lucky are we?”
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That’s so lovely Bec. Last year I was grabbing a few things at the supermarket one night and an elderly man in front of me was paying for his groceries and he was so shaky and confused that he didn’t have enough money on him. All he had was some homebrand milk, teabags and a packet of biscuits. He kept counting his coins and then realised he didn’t have enough and put the biscuits to the side. I had the biggest lump in my throat. He started to walk away and I quickly paid for the biscuits and ran them over to him.
I cried all the way home, and I’m even welling up now remembering that man.
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Now I’m teary reading that. A packet of biccies costs nothing but that little act of kindness will have meant so much to that man. You’re a good egg.
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Maybe it’s not the right example but here goes anywhere:
When I was in Year 12, getting younger kids involved in athletics or sport was always a bit tough. I wasn’t exactly sporty myself (still am not). So I agreed to run the 4km cross country in the heat in a full-blown kangaroo costume so the kids who weren’t great at it would have someone to beat.
It nearly killed me but it was pretty awesome.
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That IS pretty awesome. Did you jump the whole way?
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My admiration for you just increased in leaps and bounds!
Seriously- very cool.
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That’s fantastic, Rick. Was it in Boonah? Bloody hot – you’d have been roo-ted.
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‘Twas in Boonah! And it was boiling. Another year a quad student in wheelchair wanted to do it. The manual arts kids made a special rig which could be carried by six people and we carried him the entire 4km. It was pretty damned awesome.
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You’re kidding! Forget Glee. I want to see a show called ‘Boonah High’
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Not being melodramatic when I say it’s the best school ever. You know how they always rattle on about community being important? They have that in SPADES.
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“What’s the most creative way you’ve shown your support for someone or some group?” Well, last weekend I completely embarrassed myself, my parents and my sister, all in the name of family support. Sis was making her debut as a referee, so we all dressed up in stripes, with signs, yelled and cheered and basically went a bit nuts. My dad was wearing a ladies singlet, I had far more horizontal stripes than was kind to me, but we did it for her.
She says that, although it was a bit embarrassing, she’s glad we were there.
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Oh man I love this so much!
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Best. Sister. Ever.
You’re awesome!
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Gorgeous
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You my dear are a gem.
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