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by NATALIA JASTRZAB
“Let’s get a pizza. You can pick which one,” I said to my boyfriend, who was poring over the restaurant’s lunch menu. And then we lapsed into silence as I went back to reading the newspaper in front of me.
The two of us didn’t really speak again after that, apart from the odd “want the sports section?” exchange. You know your relationship is solid when you can both shut up, read the paper together and not feel awkward about the complete lack of small talk.
Later, upon leaving the restaurant, I thought about how great the service had been. Quick, non-intrusive and polite. And then I realised that it was probably because the waiter had got the impression that the two of us were fighting.
You see, he probably took our silence and muttering for anger – and that’s why he seemed so cautious when juggling plates and pizzas around the table.
So – what does your waiter think about you? Take a look at the below list of how waiters read your table and see where you might fit in.
This from the Wall Street Journal:
1. If you’re chatty… A waiter is more likely to assume a friendly, chatty table is there to party. Get ready for more offers of drinks, dessert and a talkative waiter.
2. If you act moody… You may get better service. Several waiters said they are more careful to get every detail right when they believe a table is already in a bad mood (a couple fighting or a tense business meal perhaps).
3. If you say ‘It’s OK’… To attentive waiters, saying food is ‘OK’ is a red flag that you aren’t happy with your meal. The waiter or manager might dig for more information to fix the problem.
4. If you ask about the menu… Food questions are a sign that you either like learning about everything you might eat or you feel lost and need guidance. One menu question could lead to a long, full menu description. If you seem overwhelmed, the waiter might try to steer you toward a particular order.
5. If you grab the wine list first… Expect the waiter to focus wine explanations and questions about refills to you.
6. If you’re early and fancy… Diners who are dressed up and have an early dinner reservation may lead waiters to suspect they have another event that night and serve them at a fast clip.
7. If you’re wearing a suit at lunch… Diners who look like they just stepped away from their cubicle, whether in a suit or business casual, are bound to get speedier service. The exception: If the waiter realizes the boss or valued client wants to set a slower pace by asking for more time before ordering or pulling out papers for a sales pitch.
8. If you act like the ring leader…
A waiter will try to determine who is in charge at the table through body language, clues in conversation or by who made the reservation, and defer to the wants of that diner.9. If there’s no obvious leader…
If no take-charge person emerges at the table, the waiter may struggle to figure out whether to be chatty or invisible and whether to make the service quicker or more leisurely.
Did you wince at any of these, when you realised the impression you give? Which one are you? AND WHAT ABOUT GROUP DINNERS?
Comments
32 Comments so far
As a firmer waitress, nothing annoys me more than people in large groups who can’t remember what they ordered. So many people do it and I could never understand how it’s that hard to remember what you ordered 10 minutes ago!
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Interesting article. Great to hear from a waiter’s perspective, however working in a service industry, ‘service’ is the key word. I’m saddened by how much service has gone downhill over the last few years. Nothing worse than waiters with attitude. And good polite service invariably impacts on whether the customer returns, a tip is left etc. When I receive good service, I always thank the waiter/waitress. If the food is good I let them know also, and hope that message actually gets to the kitchen. I agree with all the suggestions on being a good customer, it certainly goes a long way to making the experience good for all. So I thought I would leave a few comments on what I consider good service also by listing some of my pet peeves as a customer. Some but certainly not all waitstaff are letting the customer down.
* a smile goes a long way, don’t stand and just stare at customer, eyebrows raised, pen at ready
* please don’t leave me waiting or having to ask for menus once seated
* please serve from the right of the customer and don’t lean across other diners to pass food
*please don’t clear the plates until everyone is finished, it’s rude of people are still eating
* please don’t roll your eyes if I ask for cracked pepper, I like it better than the powdery stuff in the shakers and I’d like it before my meal gets cold.
* yes I probably would like another drink if I’ve finished and still eating
* I very much appreciate your attentive service and will respect and treat you well if you do the same for me, the paying customer.
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I’m a waitress, a very good waitress actually. I agree with all of these points. However, I I have never compromised my dignity for good service. A lot of customers seem to think that taking on a condescending or outright aggressive demeanour is the way to get what they want. I guarantee you it is not. When customers are polite and treat me with respect I will treat them the same way. Don’t assume I am so desperate for your gold that I will be humiliated for the sake of your over inflated ego. Bitter waitress rant over.
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I hate seeing people be like that to wait staff.. I recently went on a blind date and was horrified at the passive agreesiveness of said egotistical male… I was left jaw-a-gaping a few times and even slapped him on the arm once.. he just didn’t get it.. I gave him the benefit of the doubt for nerves for the first hour.. after that I just wanted to run, as fast as I could.. he never did understand why no second dinner date from me!!! Thank you for your wonderful service Mads!!!
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Waitstaff are often rude because the constant rudeness of customers can really drag you down. I started off bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and naive…two years later, if the customer responds to my polite greeting with rudeness, well rudeness is what they get in return.
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Clearing plates before everyone is finished is my pet hate. I actually spoke up the other day whilst we were out for lunch and said to two different waiters NO we are not ALL finished. I just want to eat in peace after the meal is served. i dont want to be hounded because you see someone has finished already.
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I think it is important if you’re a waiter to be able to read your customers. I briefly worked in a cafe where we were given a script and we weren’t allowed to defer from it. It felt really impersonal and fake and prevents you from building rapport with customers.
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I think the difference here is that this is written by the WSJ … I now live in America and the level of service is outstanding comparable to back home. Having worked in restaurants both in aus and here I have no doubt that american waitstaff are making these assumptions and reading how to work the table. The tip system does wonders for quality of service…I think australians could learn quite a bit from an America waiter
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Jennifer, I completely agree. While there is no comparison in terms of quality of food (I would go home just for the food!), the service is second to none. And I love it!
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Sure, but I would rather our waitstaff be paid a (somewhat) liveable wage and not have to reply on 3 jobs just to get by. I would prefer not to encourage people to ‘give better customer service’ by starving them. Seems a bit cruel in a civilised society, no?
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Agree, and to be honest, i found a lot of the service in the US really fake. All about getting a tip (and i tipped well always), not actually being a nice person. I was so relieved to get home, where people are polite and friendly just BECAUSE, not because they want something from you.
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Chatty, chatty, chatty… what would also be interesting is how diners feel about waiters. Maybe it’s because I love to talk to everybody, but does anyone else find that you read how your waiter acts? And *then* decide how you’re going to act.
http://www.katiapellicciotta.blogspot.com
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Biggest hint that I have for big groups. Pre order or even better… Choose a set menu! Waiters then can relax and know what is happening and the party can relax and not have to worry about the ordering and conversation being interrupted.
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Agree with most of these, though I can’t for the life of me understand why the waitress in the picture is wearing open toed wedges and a short skirt. Clearly the stylist on that shoot has never waited tables. Just go spilling foodstuffs (including hot oil) all over yourself then…
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If you grab the wine list first… Expect the waiter to focus wine explanations and questions about refills to you.
If you ask about the menu… Food questions are a sign that you either like learning about everything you might eat or you feel lost and need guidance.
If you’re early and fancy… Diners who are dressed up and have an early dinner reservation may lead waiters to suspect they have another event that night and serve them at a fast clip.
Did these really need explaining to people? Kind of obvious. As a waitress going on 10 years now (endless student) the truth is most wait staff are too busy to make any kind of assumption about you, or have been doing it so long they are no longer curious.
We tend to respond to vebal cues like ‘I’m ready to order now’ and ‘I’m in a rush today’. I don’t over think what is going on with the customer and I tend to forget about them quickly, however much I do enjoy waitressing and the interaction. It takes something really out of the ordinary for me to take notice beyond a pleasant interaction.
This is what I wrote about being a good customer:
http://claudiagrant.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/impress-your-boss-be-a-superstar-customer-4/
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Nice article Claudia. It’s good to know what happens from a waiters point of view. Fortunately I think I’m a good customer according to your list. The only thing I might be bad with is stuff on the table. Since I had a baby I always seem to have a table covered in stuff – I hate it too! No phones though. I hate going out and see people not talking to each other and playing with their phones -rude!!!
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The phone thing is a real problem. It is simply because I am afraid of spilling something on a very expensive iphone. It puts me in an uncomfortable position to have phones on the table.
As for people being on their phones during a meal, it depends on the people. Where I work it is a lot of office lunches and its about the food not the company of your co-workers during your break so phones are a big thing. They see each other all day. That’s fine, just put it in your bag when I come with food! I do find portable DVD players for kids a bit off, I don’t have kids so I’m sure they are a godsend, but I miss the days of crayons and paper.
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I thought that your article was really rude. Maybe waitresses need to remember that a customer is someone who pays for a nice meal out. They are paying your wages & you can’t expect them to push in their chair afterwards.. Seriously! Im sure you are a lovely person & you sound intelligent but I think you need to get out of waitressing today.
In my experience, waitresses in american give exceptional customer service & I wish it was the same here. I can’t think of a bigger let down than paying for a night out only to receive rude customer service.
To be honest, I don’t care what a waitress thinks of my table. I treat them with respect & pay their wage, I expect the same back without having them judge me if I don’t push my chair in.
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Claudia’s article was clear and friendly and definitely not rude. I look at it this way, I wouldn’t get up from my Grandmother’s table and leave the chair out, and I wouldn’t do that in a restaurant. Behave in a restaurant as you would at your Grandmother’s place and you will be a much more appreciated customer. Good manners work both ways.
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“They are paying your wages & you can’t expect them to push in their chair afterwards”. Um – yes you can.
Thats a pretty basic task for you which makes a hell of a lot of difference to someone walking around tables with their arms full of heavy dishes.
I’ve never waitressed in my life (much respect to those that do) and even i can see that!
Claudia doesn’t need to “get out of waitressing today”. ALana i think you need to get out of restaurants – the waiters and waitresses would probably be quite happy for you to stop “paying their wages” and stay home.
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Actually I’ve worked in America as a waitress and the customers are far more polite than they are here, which goes a long way to providing the right environment for the waiter to give you good service. American waiters think Australian customers are pretty badly mannered actually. My American friends always complained to me when they got a table of Aussie tourists.
Just because I am serving you and you are ‘paying my wage’ (a fraction of it, by the way, maybe a few cents – you are one person and one meal) doesn’t entitle you to treat me like a slave or the venue like your living room.
Asking someone to keep their iphone off the table and push the chair in is just basic good manners. If you go around treating customer service people with the attitude ‘I pay your wage’ then you will get bad service.
My points were minor ones of good manners that are about helping the waitress give you good service. I am very tolerant of customers and enjoy waitressing and as I said above I rarely think of anything judgemental as I am too busy.
As I said – I can’t work with nothing, and if you are too rude to order properly or move your stuff out of the way when food comes then you will have less of a good time than if you had manners.
The post was not necessarily about improving my day, but how to improve your own experience in a restaurant. Many people don’t realise they are contributing to the bad service they receive. If you make it hard for the waitress to do her job you will have less of a good experience.
If you feel you don’t need to push your chair in when you leave a table – anywhere, be it in a restaurant, a meeting at work or anywhere outside your own home then you need to look again at what is considered basic manners in society. Paying a fraction of my wages does not give you a pass to check your manners at the door.
Thanks to the people who took the article for what it was. A few minor points on how to create a good environment for service to flow well.
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Claudia, you worded this perfectly…
“Many people don’t realise they are contributing to the bad service they receive. If you make it hard for the waitress to do her job you will have less of a good experience.”
Also, I find it interesting how this article has turned into a forum for complaining about service :/
As a professional fine dining waiter I actually find everything in the article common sense. However, if I had been serving Natalia & her partner I would NOT have assumed they were in the midst of a fight.
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Here i am thinking – good on you, and thankgod i do everything in your article and you have to start bagging Australians. I was appauled at the behaviour of a large number of American’s diners. It honestly made me feel sick – and i actually had a waitress give my friend and i (who were demonstrating our normal level of politeness) free food because “you girls are nice, so rare these days.”
There are difficult people everywhere – but i think we do pretty well.
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Here i am thinking – good on you, and thankgod i do everything in your article and you have to start bagging Australians. I was appauled at the behaviour of a large number of American’s diners. It honestly made me feel sick – and i actually had a waitree give my friend and i (who were demonstrating our normal level of politeness) free food because “you girls are nice, so rare these days.”
There are difficult people everywhere – but i think we do pretty well.
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I am afraid some waiters/waitresses don’t take the hint when myself or other diners say something is ‘ok’ but I suppose we should be upfront. I have been in the past though. I once told this young waitress that my soup was burnt and too hot, no response at all, just did not get it so I could not be bothered explaining.
Oh and sometimes couples don’t talk because the silence is golden. After listening to two kids under 6 chattering all day, I love to just sit and read le so sometimes the couples are not always fighting when not many words are spoken.
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Agree with all those points.
I love it when there is a clear leader with big groups – someone to decide yes, we do want bread for the table and no, we’re not ready to order yet made life so, so much easier
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Oohh not in Canberra. We’re lucky if we get served with a smile. There’s no way they’d take note of all those cues. Most places, anyway.
And Nat, lazy sunday lunches with the boy reading newspapers and not talking is one of my fave (and I find, kinda romantic/cute) things to do! In a weird way. :p
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Lol Deni I couldn’t agree more. Most Canberra waiters have a lot of lessons to learn. However there are also some wonderful ones and when you find one… Make sure you tell them.
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Many customers in Canberra are incredibly rude, patronising and over-entitled. It works both ways.
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Great articles but what’s with the pictures?!! Errr.
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As someone who has served many a table in my time I agree with your article Nat – the most annoying one is definitely number 9. It’s so difficult to take an order when everyone is talking over each other and not really paying attention to you. And another gripe I have with bigger tables of people is when you stand there with the food and say, eg. ‘Steak Diane medium rare?’ and everyone just looks at you quite rudely – noone claims the meal. I know a good waiter takes orders as per position on the table, but still, it’s not that hard to pop your hand up and say ‘that’s me!’ or something along those lines. Some people seem to really make it their goal to ensure you’re as uncomfortable as possible when serving them.
That being said, most people are lovely. It’s just the odd group of people who ruin it for the rest of us…..
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Ah yes, the “nope no one ordered the steak” which ends with “where’s my steak? you forgot my steak!”
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