“The disasterous day we shot Kimora Lee Simmons for a cover”

When I edited Cosmo and had to attend conferences with the 60+ editors from around the world, my favourite friend was always Ms South Africa, Vanessa Raphaely, who is both editor and publisher of Cosmo in her country. She loves Australia, lived here for a time and we’re still very close.

Now she has her own blog, Hurricane Vanessa and she sent me this yesterday because she knew I would love it (I did), relate (oh yes) and appreciate the nightmare for what it was (sympathy and props to you babe). She also thought Mamamia readers might like an insight as to what goes on when you’re shooting a major international diva for your magazine cover. Oh  yes. This one is a doozy.

Vanessa writes….

Anyone who follows me on Twitter will know that, last week, the South African COSMO team shot a cover try with Ms Fabulosity herself, Kimora Lee Simmons.

Well. We tried to. The experience was …um…how to put this? …Un-fabulous.

I thought, in the interests of clarity and full disclosure, that I would share the truth of what happened behind the scenes, with you, and, maybe, after you have read the whole sorry tragi-drama-comedy, you could give me some advice. But first. Here’s the back story.

We were approached by her lovely franchisee here, to see whether we would be interested in shooting her, exclusively, for a cover, to promote the launch of her BabyPhat store, in Cape Town’s Canal Walk.

Warning bells: Regular readers of this blog will know that I have just a few issues with excessive photo-shopping. In order not to be a complete hypocrite, I  try my best not to use too much of it on our own COSMO covers and try not to buy international covers which have suffered too much at the hands of the retoucher’s brush.

Walking this tight-rope walk, while talking the talk, is a position, for an editor, that is fraught with dangers, I know. But we do try to remain on the side of gentle kindness, as opposed to creating waxworks out of real people.

Kimora, on the other hand, is unapologetic in her love for the retoucher’s craft: “Bring it on!” she told our fashion editor. In fact, so keen on retouching, is she, that she has even been known to borrow other model’s body parts, if the need arises.

So, is she a COSMO cover star, to begin with? I was unsure, so threw the question, (”To Kimora, or not to Kimora?”) to the COSMO Facebook group and the readers of COSMOONLINE. The result? A resounding “Yes!” Our readers love her energy, her ambition, the snap, crackle, pop-ness of her. They LOVE BabyPhat. They love the show. They love the fact that, if you get lucky, she will do a quick Q and A on Twitter, anytime, and anywhere. And they, to a woman, covet her #2 husband, Djimon Hounsou.

There is, much to admire and enjoy about KLS. So. Great. Let’s go.

Problems began to arise, however, when our fashion team asked for some details, which would make it possible to create COSMO-cover appropriate clothing for her.  None were forthcoming. For a month. We begged, cajoled.

Then, a few weeks before the date of the shoot, details arrived. Which were not anatomically possible. But, no problem – working wonders are what lycra, seamstresses, bull-dog clips and fashion editors are there for. We assemble our team, We organise for TopBilling to cover the shoot. We arrange the music to her liking (Michael Jackson, no hip hop,) we ensure that we are stocked up with rice milk (as required.)

Kimora lands in South Africa and starts tweeting energetically. Warning sign. She is a little late, for the launch of her store. 2 and a half hours. But, while graceless and inconsiderate, that’s par for the course, for celebs, and the COSMO team has shot many of them before. We know, that like Lycra, time can be stretched.

Twitter buzzes like high-pitched Vuvuzelas as fans meet their star. She seems warm, positive and friendly, Johannesburg and Cape Town are bathed with a mini- aura of Kimoralosity. Mentally, I tick the cover off, on my “to-do” list. My attention drifts. I have other things on my mind. Then.

Two days before the shoot, late at night, and from a party, Aspasia, the editor of Marie Claire calls me to tell me that she has been offered a cover shoot with Kimora, and that Kimora would MUCH rather do a shoot with Marie Claire, than with COSMO. “Kimora’s people,” it seems, do not know that both magazines are in the same stable. Why should she? She is Kimora and we are not Anna Wintour, or Graydon Carter. Warning signs.

I phone the number of whichever consigliere of KLS had put this idea forward, and blast him. Our fashion editor calls the franchisee of BabyPhat, who sounds shocked and mortified. A back-tracking, wriggling and assuring that all is well and “Kimora would love to do the COSMO cover” follows.

We have shot a lot of celebs. Most recently, Kelly Rowland, (who was a poppet and arrived early. Just saying) But these little warning signs are familiar. We’ve seen this type of celeb behaviour before. But, we’re pros, we can manage divas. Hell, we’ve even shot Naomi Campbell! Meanwhile, those warning signs are beginning to blast like a ref’s whistle, in our ears.

Inconsiderate, self-important and dismissive behaviour were some of the reasons why, years ago, when I left London, I breathed a sigh of relief at the thought of a relatively celebrity-free South African horizon. But, no mag editor can avoid celebrities for ever. And we were about to experience a text book example of a celebrity behaving …like a celebrity.

The day of the shoot dawns. Flowers are arranged in the studio. Kimora-approved music is paying on the iPod. Acres of specially constructed clothes are hanging steamed on the rails. All is ready. The Top Billing crew arrive. The team wait. And wait. And wait.

3. Then 4 hours pass.

Not a peep from anyone on TeamFabulosity, to explain the lateness. Not a word of apology. Then, just as I tell Bev, our Fashion editor, to pull the plug (somewhere around the 4 and a half hour mark) the doors burst open. Her security. I am not kidding. I scratch my head. Are we shooting Bill Clinton? Security?

But that must mean that Madame is on her way? Surely?

The team wait. And wait. An hour later, she, and a team of pilot fish arrive. Not a word of apology.

Sigh. To work. And hard work it is.

Kimora sits on her Blackberry, constantly. When she is not on the Blackberry, she is surrounded by her pilot fish, sucking up, fluffing, assuring her all is well, re-assuring her of her own fabulosity.

She will not wear the clothes. She throws the clothes (mostly created especially, for her, by local designers, at very late notice, ie, when we finally got measurements,) on the floor.

She insists on changing the lighting, the hair. (She disses every other COSMO cover star for having extensions, hers is the only “real hair,” she says. The irony.) She insists on her make-up, the way she likes it. (Very, very dark, hooded eyes.) Sigh.

Djimon Hounsou arrives and is delightful. When they kiss, the pilot fish puff themselves up to their most important size and ensure that no-one gets the picture. They appear to be very much in love. Sweet! The team are momentarily perplexed. How can this be? No time to ponder the mysteries of love. There is a cover to be shot. Well.

Suffice to say, it is a hard, short, shoot.

You can guess the outcome. The pictures are …oh dear.

With probably the same amount of retouching, as was done on the ad for her perfume, Dare, they might be usable. Is it our fault, or hers? Her insecurity and determination to control her image, plus her Extreme-diva-like attitude, gave our team no opportunity to do what they do best, which is shoot brilliant COSMO covers.

Apres le deluge, we click through picture, after picture, after picture.

We are not, at COSMO in the business of hurting people. We are also not in the business of running images that are less than flattering.

And I am most certainly NOT in the business of running images of real people which bare no resemblance to what they look like in real life.

And, even though, Kimora was dismissive, late and rude, I bear her no ill will. She is excellent at what she does. Her upbeat and positive image of “fabulosity”, uplifts and entertains millions of people.

So what if the real thing, is less than fabulous?

She won’t be the first celebrity whose private face is less attractive than her public one. That is the difference between the @OfficialKimora and the RealKimora. And she is entitled to be real.

But I would have loved to have given the Kimora fans the COSMO cover they wanted. Not to mention the very nice, very helpful franchisee of BabyPhat.

But, in the end, most of the covers we could run, would be a lie.And I’m just not comfortable with that.

Am I right, or wrong? Let me have it.

If you want to be entertained every single day – you should also follow Vanessa on twitter here right after you read and bookmark Mamamia and have the Mamamia logo tattooed somewhere prominent. Like say your forehead. Oh OK, your boob.

Thanks Vanessa for reminding me why I am SOOO glad not to be an editor anymore. As Helen McCabe mentioned in this interview earlier in the week, celebrities like Sarah Murdoch and Jennifer Hawkins who allow (or in the case of Sarah INSIST) that their mag covers not be retouched are RARE.

Most celebrities insist on it. And since most Australian magazine covers are not shot here they’re bought from overseas photographers, by the time they hit the editors’ desk? They’re already fakety fake fake.

So what do you think Vanessa should have done? Just so you know, I asked her if I could have one of the shots to run with the story. She told me they were so bad she didn’t want to be cruel to Kimora by releasing any of them. The cropped one above has already been retouched.