Hey, touch my computer screen!
You’ll never hear it. With good reason. So, the ‘Shit girls say‘ video started a bit of a viral Internet meme with all the variations you could possibly think of (yoga instructors say, skiers say and so on) but here’s the final, funny word in the saga. All the stuff no one says.
Here’s one to start you off: “I don’t think they stare vacantly for long enough at the end of Bold and the Beautiful.”
Any of your own to add?
Comments
248 Comments so far
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Yes, it’s absolutely fine to indicate that you suddenly want to turn right at a red light after I’ve pulled up behind you and there’s a long line of oncoming traffic.
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it’s true, customer – I DO work in retail because its the only thing I’m qualified for!
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“No honey, I loved spending the whole day out with two fractious children after getting up countless times overnight to breastfeed, get glasses of water, clean up vomit and change nappies. It’s totally fine that you had a 6 hour nap instead of fixing the washing machine – I don’t *really* need it, after all!”
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Lol!
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Just putting it out there: it’s ‘Shit Nobody Says’, not ‘Sarcastic Whinges About Your Child/Husband/Crappy Job’.
I feel there is a distinct difference.
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I love paying for bad coffee!
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yes, yes, a million times yes.
I wish I had the guts to complain about seriously bad coffee, especially when it costs me $4.50! Argh!
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I can’t believe it’s taken so long to get to February.
Don’t the weeks drag on?
Can you remember when you were a kid and the summer holidays just whizzed by?
Although it has been a rainy summer, it’s been lovely not to have to stay indoors bc it’s too hot, and isn’t Sydney looking lovely and lush?
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Hooray! You have nits again!
(ps. that clip went WAY too fast … I only heard about half)
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i love peak hour public transport! Especially when the train is packed and you really get to know your fellow passengers. There is nothing better than standing so close to strangers that you can feel whether they are circumcised or not. Also please continue talking loudly on your mobile phone in a quiet carriage, i really need to hear your dumb ass conversation.
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Why would I mind if your kids have gastro?? I appreciate you telling me AFTER they’ve been playing together for an hour already and I’m sure none of us will get it.
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I just love reading those ‘interesting facts’ on the back of the Libra maternity pads in my SPARE TIME!!
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No sweetheart, don’t you worry about getting a vasectomy. I have grown and birthed two babies and been in charge of contraception our whole relationship, I really think it is just my responsibility.
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It is vegetarian….just with lamb
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or as my ex-boyfriend’s dad used to say to me, it is vegetarian, the lamb only ever ate grass…..
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Please tell me about what you dreamt about last night, it so fascinates me!
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can we please watch the cricket all day?!
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I say that!
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No really – you should get your phone out while we eat dinner and check facebook every 5 minutes. It’s not rude – who would think that??
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Please tell me again how much money your husband earns or that he is in the ‘highest tax bracket’ all the time……
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I did grow long hair for charity.
The hours of grooming it has been FUN, thank you so much for suggesting I shave it all off for a cure and never have to worry about washing it for at least six months.
Why would I want hair?
I couldn’t possibly raise money for a cure any other way.
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Honey I love it when your friends wife comes over with their only child. Talking about her problems makes me so happy!
I really feel I am doing the world a favour by entertaining her and her wild son that doesn’t mind at all that we don’t have children of our own to play with.
Cleaning off his sticky hand prints all over our white walls and windows and reassuring our puppy after an afternoon of tourture makes me want to have children so much more..
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Harsh much?
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its true, i feel the same way about my friends kids !
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There’s so much good TV on in January, I can’t decide what to watch.
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No I really dont mind when you let your toddler ring the door bell on my front gate at 7am on Sunday because you’re walking past and they want to, you cant say no and you think everything they do is adorable. It doesnt ring through my house and wake us all up at all.
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Did someone actually DO that? At 7am?!!!
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Hey, it’s really fun when you read over my shoulder!
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Please press your dick into my back when I’m sleeping.
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Sure, I love half an hour of one-way foreplay then reaching for the KY!
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No thats fine, dont mention it.. let your dog poop on my front lawn, i actually LOVE cleaning it off my kids shoes after theyve walked all the way to my front door and down my hallway..
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Dear friend, I love it when you and the family come to visit and your husband walks in the door every single time with his ipad and just sits down to enthrall us with information and pictures about the latest big purchase he is about to make. It’s so interesting to us.
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Please, keep telling me about the hilarious things your child says and the funny way he pronounces some words.
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Mum, I love it when you tell me the same story over and over and over again. I always learn something new with each telling.
I also love it when you complain every summer when the crowds descend upon the coastline that you and dad love on. You’ve lived there for years, but I can understand why its a shock when December arrives each year.
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That’s totally fine honey. You go out all day today from 6am and don’t come back till late tonight. I don’t any help with preparing for our daughter’s birthday party tomorrow morning, while looking after all the kids today. You’ve already done so much to help with her birthday and party planning.
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Another UTI, whilst camping for two weeks, that’s awesome!
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MMMM..Tony Abbot looks so hot in those budgie smugglers!
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GOLD!
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I just love it when people talk at the movies.
It’s great when kids squeal so loud your brain hurts.
I love it when someone really fat sits next to me on a plane.
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Can I please hear more about your dreams last night? This time please include all the references to ‘the one that got away ‘ 15 years ago.
I think Kyle Sandilands adds value to national debates & think he should be consulted & quoted more .
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Can I please hear more about your dreams last night? This time please include all the references to ‘the one that got away ‘ 15 years ago
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Do you know what, I really don’t think Kyle sandilands has gone far enough…
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Kids, I’m worried that you’re not spending enough time on facebook.
Can you turn the volume up, I love boy bands.
Just leave your plate on the bench. I enjoy putting it in the dishwasher for you.
Excellent, nits again. I’ve missed combing them out.
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Damn I look great in this fluorescent lighting!
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Gosh, I really hope the heatwave continues in Perth. Day after day of 42 degree heat really puts everyone in a happy mood….
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I wish the kids had got more musical instruments for Christmas
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Sure i can cut your hair to make you look just like Miranda Kerr.
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A phone survey? Awesome!
Whats the number of Donald trumps hair stylist?
Has anyone heard of Facebook?
Internet pornography? What’s that?
Petrol is way too cheap.
I wish I had a teachers salary.
What’s a “Google”?
No. I think your baby is ugly.
George Bush is my hero.
Kyle sandilands is such a decent bloke.
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Size is way overrated. Really.
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I fear I may have missed a line or two in your dialogue perfect, real-time-equivalent retelling of the last movie you saw, complete with camera angles, wardrobe AND best of all, your own invaluable socio-political insights. Could we please do it all over again, be sure not to skip a thing!
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I hope my baby wakes hourly tonight, I’m not getting enough one on one time with her.
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Hilarious! Love it!
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I love that you are so horny when I have been up all night with the baby. It’s so obvious that this is when I am feeling the most attractive…
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I think it’s great that you have the right not to immunize your child. And PS…thanks for the chicken pox!
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Actually, you’re right, they’re not twins, they were just born on the same day.
Are those ALL your kids?
No, I like to take other people’s kids ’round the shops too.
Of course I’d love your Mum to come with us, she’ll be so helpful.
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I have 6 children and am constantly asked that question, followed by ” oh really , do they all have the same father ?” which one day i would love to answere no they dont , well maybe no 3 and no 5 but cant be sure really .
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To husbands mate who has turned up for a few beers and has bought his kids with him so his wife can have a break – great thats fabulous I love having 3 extra children in my house during school holidays so their mum can have a nap!
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I think its great that he did that for her, maybe next time you can send yours over to their place when you need a break!
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one of my dad’s workmates used to do this – showed up at our place at 9am on saturday morning, for work talks with dad, and left his 6 and 8 year old out in the kids room until 5pm, for us (ie me, at 16, and sister at 18) to babysit for free, cos saturday was “his” kids looking after day, and it’s easier to get your workmate’s teenage daughters to do it for free when they should be studying for the HSC and SC than looking after your kids yourself!
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I love eating broccoli, it is SO MUCH BETTER THAN CHOCOLATE.
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Teehee, that is funny, because broccoli I love (Almost as much as I love Brussels Sprouts) and I hate chocolate!.
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LOL @ “Wooo mould”
love this guy
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(to 16 year old son) Of course you can go to the party with people I don’t know and stay out all night!
(him back to me) thanks mum! And can I have $50 for a bottle of JD – it’s BYO
AND…these…
Why honey, yes I agree…anal sex will enhance our relationship!
What?? The repairs ONLY cost $1,200?? And you don’t take credit cards?? Fine!
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listening to people rustle chip packets, chew loudly and slurp drinks enhances the atmosphere at the movies!