Olivia Wilde and the vagina monologue: ‘Sometimes your vagina dies’.
When deciding whether to end a relationship, some say you should listen to your heart. Others believe the answer lies in your head. But if you ask actress Olivia Wilde, the real oracle is located a bit further south… in your pants.
Ladies: when in doubt, consult your vagina.
“You may be able to convince your relatives at Christmas dinner that everything on the home-front is peachy, but you cannot lie to your vagina,” Olivia told the audience at These Girls, a monologue night hosted by Glamour magazine on Monday. She was referring to the end of her eight-year marriage to Italian prince Tao Ruspoli. The couple divorced last year.
“I felt like my vagina died. Turned off. Lights out … When I finally told her it was probably time to split, she looked up at me and said ‘Ya think?’”
Well, apparently we haven’t been giving our vaginas enough credit. Perhaps they could have a stern word to our hearts every now and then and remind them to stop pursuing wildly inappropriate men. That would be nice.
Speaking to Vulture after the event, she elaborated on her monologue:
“Sometimes your vagina dies,” she says. “Then you know it’s time to go. There’s no reason to sacrifice your womanhood and femininity for some sort of weird feeling of responsibility to something that may not be right. I feel like far too many women do that.” Also, “[Men] are not allowed to be the only ones thinking with their genitals. We think with our pussies.”
Interesting. And the frank confessions didn’t end there. Apparently Olivia and her current boyfriend, Saturday Night Live’s Jason Sudeikis, “have sex like Kenyan marathon runners”. Sounds exhausting, but we guess that means her vagina’s back in the game.
Oh, and did we mention Jason was in the audience too?
Olivia then went on to propose a solution to monogamy in the form of Olivia Land, her own relationship Utopia with some rather unique views on love and commitment. Like in Olivia Land, relationships only last for 7 years.
From Vulture:
In Olivia Land, relationships can legally only last seven years, without an option to renew. That way it never goes stale. Can you imagine, if we only had seven years? We’d be so nice to each other, so kind, and appreciative and enthusiastic, like we were eating a really expensive bowl of pasta! And in Olivia Land people wouldn’t cheat nearly as much because there wouldn’t be the threat of spending forever with one bedfellow. It just wouldn’t be legal.
There’s the issue of kids. Okay, this is fun. In Olivia Land, all the kids go to boarding school at seven. It’s like in Harry Potter!
I would like to legalise prostitution. Hiring a sex worker in Olivia Land would be as easy, hygienic, and inexpensive as getting a pedicure. That way when away on business or just not in the mood, we could just hire a hooker for our loved one and keep them uninterested in cheating and keep them satisfied. These particular hookers would obviously have to be mute and possibly cross-eyed.
In Olivia Land, the streets are paved with dark chocolate, and all the people are free of body hair and menstrual cramps.”
Let’s just say, if Olivia decided to write a relationship advice book it would be worth reading.
What do you think – should we listen to our vaginas more often? Do you think 7-year relationships be the solution to all our problems?
Comments
36 Comments so far
Wow, you ladies are so lucky to have a friendly and helpful vagina. My penis is at me all the time, whispering in my ear – this thing and that – and virtually none of it helpful or useful advice
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When my husband started cheating on me, it was my vagina that knew. When wee had sex it was like a knife was going through me and we had to stop. This went on for 2 moths until the rest of me found out.
Same thing happened with a boyfirend that was strated cheating on me with his ex girlfriend.
Your vagina knows, Listen to her. True story.
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This article had one serious point, ie completely losing desire for a partner and the end of relationship and it wasn’t actually a bad point. However, I would imagine for most of us it would take more than that and desire for your partner waxes and wanes in a long term relationship anyway.
Dunno if her ex would be thrilled about this piece.
Olivialand was mildly amusing and it’s interesting that so many of the commenters Wre so serious about it. I’m guessing the boarding school idea for kids was a way to avoid custody issues!?! The commenter who said mothers should love their children no matter what – really??? The sad reality is that sometimes (not often) children grow up into people so destructive that it’s safer not to even have a relationship with them.
BTW, I don’t know if I could be bothered going on the prowl every 7 years…..
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Question for the moderators:
If it’s okay for me to call someone a dickhead when they call a baby fat, why is it not okay for me to say I have had to wear panty liners since hooking up with my partner?? I can’t believe that coment wasn’t deemed appropriate for publication.
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I look at the blokes I’ve done over the years and gone ‘Seriously??!’.
Clearly my vag is a comedian with a drinking problem
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LMFAO!!!
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For me it is the lips on my face that tell me when the relationship has ended and I need to break up.
I can keep right on with a good, or even sub-par, dicking (sorry, crass but true) with a partner, however if I find my lips no longer want to kiss his, if I don’t want to hold his hand, be hugged by him or go to social events with him as my boyfriend/partner, than that’s it. It is well and truly over.
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Sounds like she is making a joke of the whole thing – why is everyone responding so seriously?
I’m sure her SNL boyfriend helped her write the whole bit.
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Because as humour, it kind of fails.
And her SNL boyfriend, Jason Sudeikis, is WAY funnier than this Olivia Land business.
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I like to see women take a chance and try to make people laugh. It seems like females are never given a chance at comedy, they are meant to be responsible about everything. I thought parts of it were funny. Perhaps her delivery made it even funnier?
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I agree! I mean, god forbid we joke about babies or sex! That would just be unclassy and show our ignorance, because jokes are to be taken very, very seriously at all times. Be more willing to laugh people! It makes the world a lot more fun!
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I just had a baby. My vagina isn’t speaking to me now, except to scream ‘MOLE’ at me from across the street. It’s pretty unfair really, given that listening to her was what got me into this mess called motherhood in the first place…
(I’m kidding – I wouldn’t trade motherhood for the world. But my vagina is still a traitor).
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I just had a baby. Pretty sure my vagina isn’t speaking to me right now, except to scram ‘MOLL’ really loudly at me from across the street….
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I kind of feel sorry for her ex husband. I mean, how would she feel if he went and did some show talking about how his penis died and he had to leave her because of it. Sad. I also don’t like how she goes on to say she is having lots of sex with her partner now, it sounds like she is just trying to be a smart arse and say a big f you to the ex. Not classy in my opinion.
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My vagina is a bit traumatised and tired and hormonal after having 2 kids.
I wouldn’t take anything it says too seriously right now.
You need to pick the right time to have a conversation with your vagina.
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Pretty much all of what she said was guff, imho, but one area she touched on interested me, re women’s sexuality. The notion that women are naturally monogamous is total rubbish. As is the idea that they don’t want sex as much as men. What they don’t want, often, is sex with their long term partner. That, I believe, is what she meant by her vagina dying. Throw Liam Neeson or whoever your man of choice is into the mix and suddenly all sexual desire is turned right back on again. Women could, quite easily go from one man to another and never have their sexual desire dwindle.
I am not advocating this, nor am I saying that is all there is in a relationship, nor do I agree we need to have some sort of time limit on relationships and the stuff about kids was just plain sad. Just that in one way I agree with her – women want sex just as much as men, just not, necessarily with the man they are with. There are ways around that, but the facts completely negate the sexist drivel some people still tout about men wanting to play the field and women being happy with one bloke. And no, women don’t always want relationships and love. Often they just want sex. I think that is what she meant by being led by her pussy – what a charming expression. As for the rest, I think she is destined to be a lonely lady.
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I really didn’t like the critical and judgemental tone this article was written in. She’s obviously joking – and I think her comments about your vagina dying in a bad relationship would ring true for a lot of people! Why hate on her?
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I don’t want to live in Olivia land
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I think she comes across as a very young and naive girl who is trying to sound like a modern, enlightened woman.
I can’t help but feel a little sorry for her.
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To put some context around this, Olivia was married from the time she was 19 until last year. She asked for a divorce after their 8th year together so I’m thinking this might be where the reference to 7 years is coming from.
For anyone who might be interested, here she is on the Conversation http://www.theconversation.tv/videos/catch-up-on-last-nights-conversation-watch-episode-6-in-full/ She’s the first person interviewed and it’s about 10 minutes long so don’t let the 42min total length scare you!
I think hearing her speak about her marriage, the person she was in it, the process of ending it, etc might help to get a better understanding of where she’s coming up with a few of these ideas.
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I agree on the “listen to your vagina” perspective – if the attraction for someone goes there’s probably good reasons for it.
As for the seven year thing…well I like that she said “we’d be so nice to each other, so kind, and appreciative and enthusiastic”, because you would know that you only had seven years. I think that sentiment – wanting to enjoy every moment – is really important, but I don’t necessarily think putting a time limit on things is the only way to get there.
Maybe seven year relationships would work for some people, maybe not for others. I think it depends on the people, life stages and myriad other things, and I like that everyone has their own perspective on love and relationships (and that it can change at any time!).
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If you don’t want to make a long term commitment, why get married? If you’re not getting on, the spark has gone and you’re not happy with that, why not fix it! Talk, put in more effort, get counselling if necessary.
All of this ‘it’s just not working, I have to discover myself, there’s no chemistry anymore’ utter bollocks does my head in. Marriage is hard. At some point you’re going to have to put in some serious work to make it a happy success. If you aren’t prepared to do that, don’t get married. Don’t make promises about forever.
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Ugh, the judgement!
What if there was amazing chemistry at the beginning when OW and her ex got married? What if they were sure, at that time, that they wanted to stay together?
She was 19 when she got married, for goodness sake. And the amount of work that is necessary to keep a marriage working is different for every single one.
The idea that relationships can be fixed simply by “putting in some serious work” is naive, in my opinion. And kind of does my head in.
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Its easy to poke fun but I feel she has a point. Lack of sex is a sure sign a marriage is in trouble. I speak from experience.
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Olivia’s comments about sending kids to boarding school sound like the kind of thing id say when i was in my early 20s. Not now having had kids. I agree with her though that if the sex goes from your relationship you have to start asking yourself some long hard questions…
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Ha I think it’s funny! I kind of get her point. I think if you listened to what she’s saying as a whole rather than just excerpts it would make a lot more sense and be a lot more of a cohesive idea.
I think by ‘listen to your vagina’ she’s saying.. listen to your inner voice more. A lot of people DO stay in relationships far too long out of a sense of duty or familiarity. The idea of meeting a person and being in love with them for your whole life regardless of how you both change as people is pretty preposterous when you think about it. I think it’s far more realistic to say that we might have a few great loves in our life. I’d rather that than be chained to one person who I don’t love because fairy tales taught me it should be forever.
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I think Olivia will grow up… Have a child… And have a reality shock
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No – she should definitely not have children.
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I don’t think Olivia and I are quite on the same wavelength.
So if she had her way, relationships would only last 7 years and no more than that. Tough luck if you’re happy, Olivia thinks you’ve had enough!
And kids would all be sent to boarding school at 7, why exactly?
I am aware that she’s not being completely serious but it doesn’t even make any sense to me. I don’t think she sounds very bright, to be honest.
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I fantasise about sending my kids to boarding school. My husband agrees but we are waiting until they’re in high school. Peace and quiet is definitely underrated…if I knew then what I know now – no way in hell and my two are well behaved most of the time. If they were difficult I think I would have left by now…
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Not really my point. Obviously some parents want to send their kids to boarding school, or else they wouldn’t exist. But it is absolutely bizarre to want to mandate, even jokingly, that all children go to boarding school at 7. Bizarre.
Her whole little “Olivia World” thing doesn’t make sense even as satire. And I’m not even sure that’s what she was aiming for.
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I find your comments sad. Some women try for years to have a family and some never will due to infertility and you act as though your children are a commodity to be disposed of due to the fact that at times they annoy you. Everyone has good and bad traits and as a mother you should love your kids no matter what they do or say or behave like. Sorry but your comment was selfish. Noone knows until u have a child exactly what it will be like but if you had any doubts then maybe you shoud not have had children.
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I believe thats what Louise is saying Jennafer. ..if she knew then what she knew now.. I appreciate her honesty, I never wanted children and have friends who are also honest now about regretting having them. Maybe society shouldn’t put so much pressure on women to have this all encompassing adoration for children and stop impos
ing holier than thou, urealistic expectations that makes them feel they have to lie about their real feelings about motherhood.
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I find your comment so judgmental.
“as a mother you should love your kids no matter what they do or say or behave like.”
Oh please! I would much rather hear someone’s honest opinion than all this “having kids is the greatest thing to ever happen to me, I love every second of it.” I am sure lots of people feel like Louise but are probably scare to voice that because they know they will get pounced by perfect mothers like you.
And as for your comment that if she had doubts, she shouldn’t have kids, really? Are you serious? I think almost every woman I know has had some doubt. I would love to see how many people would have kids if only those who had no doubt whatsoever were having them.
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I’m sure everyone who has ever been through infertility is overjoyed to be trotted out as an example of these ‘perfect parents’ you talk of…
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I’ve read this concept of short term “marriage” before, somehow get the impression it would ultimately be much more empowering for men than women.. Are people also obligated to date in their age group?
Personally I’m willing to take the challenge to try to grow old and still in love with my husband. For me that will be a greater satisfaction than a string of seven year flings. What death did her vagina suffer? Was it a loss of sexual desire or was she treated in a way that caused her to feel belittled as a woman? I really don’t understand at all.
Finally, Quite happy to hang on to my body hair.
Who does she think she empowers with this attitude?!
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